There were always stories in those ancient days of wise men and healers who came out of the sea. I spoke to many a teller of tales in this or that city of such legends. And there were tales of a great kingdom that had been swallowed by the ocean in more places than one. These wise men and women were survivors of that great kingdom, or so some thought. I used to put hope in such legends. I used to think I could one day find one of these wise men or women and discover from that person some great and salvific truth. When an individual plays a part one implicitly requests one’s observers to take seriously the impression that is fostered before them. They are asked to believe that the character they see actually possesses the attributes one appears to possess, that the task one performs will have the consequences that are implicitly claimed for it, and that, in general, matters are what they appear to be. It is probably no mere historical accident that the word person, in its first meaning, is a mask. It is rather a recognition of the fact that everyone is always and everywhere, more or less consciously, playing a role. It is in these roles that we know each other; it is in these roles that we know ourselves. In a sense, and in so far as this mask represents the conception we have formed of ourselves—the role we are striving to live up to—this mask is our truer self, the self we would like to be. #RandolphHarris 1 of 14

In the end, our conception of our role becomes second nature and an integral part of our personality. We come into the World as individuals, achieve character, and become persons. Derek, when we began our work with him, was a mechanical boy. He functioned as if by remote control, run by machines of his own powerfully creative fantasy. No only did he himself believe that he was a machine but, more remarkable, he created this impression in others. Even while he performed actions that are intrinsically human, they never appeared to be other than machines-started and executed. On the other hand, when the machine was not working we had to concentrate on recollecting his presence, for he seemed not to exist. The performance is a front which regularly functions in a general and fixed fashion to define the situation for those who observe the routine. Not every child who possesses a fantasy World is possessed by it. Normal children may retreat into realms of imaginary glory or magic powers, but they are easily recalled from these excursions. Disturbed children are not always able to make the return trip; they remain withdrawn, prisoners of the inner World of delusion and fantasy. In many ways Derek presented a classic example of this state of infantile autism. #RandolphHarris 2 of 14

At one extreme, one finds that the performer can be fully take in by one’s own act; one can be sincerely convinced that the impression of reality which one stages is the real reality. When one’s audience is also convinced in this way about the show one puts on—and this seems to be the typical case—then for the moment at least, only the sociologist or the socially disgruntled will have any doubts about the realness of what is presented. At the other extreme, we find that the performer may not be taken in at all by one’s own routine. This possibility is understandable, since no one is in quite as good an observational position to see through the act as the person who puts in on. Coupled with this, the performer may be moved to guide the conviction of one’s audience only as a means to other ends, having no ultimate concern in the conception that they have of one or the situation. When the individual has no belief in one’s own act and no ultimate concern with the beliefs of one’s audience, we may call one cynical, reserving the term “sincere” for individuals who believe in the impression fostered by their own performance. It should be understood that the cynic, with all one’s professional disinvolvement, may obtain unprofessional pleasures from one’s masquerade, experiencing a kind of gleeful spiritual aggression from the fact that one can toy at will with something one’s audience must take seriously. #RandolphHarris 3 of 14

Derek’s delusion is no uncommon among schizophrenic children today. He wanted to be rid of his unbearable humanity, to become completely automatic. He so nearly succeeded in attaining this goal that he could almost convince others, as well as himself, of his mechanical character. The descriptions of autistic children in the literature take for their point of departure and comparison the normal or abnormal human being. To do justice to Derek I would have to compare him simultaneously to a most inept infant and a highly complex piece of machinery. Often we had to force ourselves by a conscious act of will to realize that Derek was a child. Again and again his acting-out of his delusions froze our own ability to respond as human beings. During Derek’s first weeks with us we would watch absorbedly as this at once fragile-looking and imperious nine-year-old went about his mechanical existence. Entering the dining room, for example, he would string an imaginary wire from his energy source—an imaginary electric outlet—to the table. There he insulated himself wit paper napkins and finally plugged himself in. Only then could Joey eat, for he firmly believed that the current ran his ingestive apparatus. So skillful was the pantomime that one had to look twice to be sure there was neither wire nor outlet nor plug. Children and members of our staff spontaneously avoided stepping on the “wires” for fear of interrupting what seemed the source of his normal life. #RandolphHarris 4 of 14

It is not assumed, of course, that all cynical performers are interested in deluding their audiences for purposes of what is called “self-interest” or private gain. A cynical individual may delude one’s audience for what one considers to be their own good, or for the good of the community, and so forth. One may be tactfully attempting to put the superior at ease by simulating the kind of World the superior is thought to take for granted. For long periods of time, when Derek’s “machinery” was idle, he would sit so quietly that he would disappear from the focus of the most conscientious observation. Yet in the next moment he might be “working” and the center of our captivated attention. Many times a day he would turn himself on and shift noisily through a sequence of higher and higher gears until he “exploded,” screaming “Crash, crash!” and hurling itself for his ever present apparatus—radio tubes, light bulbs, even motors or, lacking these, any handy breakable object. (Derek had an astonishing knack for snatching bulbs and tubes unobserved.) as soon as the object thrown had shattered, he would cease his screaming and wild jumping and retire to mute, motionless nonexistence. While we can expect to find natural movement back and forth between cynicism and sincerity, still we must not rule out the kind of transitional point that can be sustained on the strength of a little self-illusion. #RandolphHarris 5 of 14

We find that the individual may attempt to induce the audience to judge one and the situation in a particular way, and one may seek this judgment as an ultimate end in itself, and yet one may not completely believe that one deserves the valuation of self which one asks for or that the impression of reality which one fosters is valid. Our maids, inured to difficult child, were exceptionally attentive to Derek; they were apparently moved by his extreme infantile fragility, so strangely coupled with megalomaniacal superiority. Occasionally some of the apparatus he fixed to his bed to “live him” during his sleep would fall down in disarray. This machinery he contrived from masking tape, cardboard, wire and other paraphernalia. Usually the maids would pick up such things and leave them on a table for the children to find, or disregard them entirely. But Derek’s machine they carefully restored: “Derek must have the carburetor so he can breathe.” Similarly they were on the alert to pick up and preserve the motors that ran him during the day and the exhaust pipes through which he exhaled. This expressive equipment, one may take the term “personal front” to refer to other items of expressive equipment, the items that we most intimately identify with the performer himself and that we naturally expect will follow the performer wherever he goes. #RandolphHarris 6 of 14

These stimuli also tell us of the individual’s temporary ritual state, that is, whether he is engaging in formational social activity, work, or informal recreation, whether or not he is celebrating a new phase in the season cycle or his life-cycle. “Manner may be taken to refer to those stimuli which function at the time to warn us of the interaction role the performer will expect to play in the oncoming situation. Thus a haughty, aggressive manner may give the impression that the performer expects to be the one who will initiate the verbal interaction and direct its course. A meek, apologetic manner may give the impression that the performer expects to follow the lead of pression that the performer expects to follow the lead of others, or at least that he can be led to do so. How had Derek become a human machine? From intensive interviews with his parents we learned that the process had begun even before birth. Schizophrenia often results from parental rejection, sometimes combined ambivalently with love. Derek, on the other hand, had been completely ignored. “I never knew I was pregnant,” his mother said, meaning that she had already excluded Derek from her consciousness. His birth, she said, “did not make any difference.” Derek’s father, a rootless draftee in the wartime civilian army, was equally unready for parenthood. So, of course, are many young couples. #RandolphHarris 7 of 14

Fortunately, must such parents lose their indifference upon the baby’s birth. However, not Derek’s parents. “I did not want to see or nurse him,” his mother declared. “I had no feeling of actual dislike—I simple did not want to take care of him.” For the first three months of his life Derek “cried most of the time.” A colicky baby, he was kept on a rigid four-hour feeding schedule, was not touched unless necessary and was never cuddled or played with. The mother, preoccupied with herself, usually left Derek alone in the crib or playpen during the day. The father discharged his frustrations by pushing Derek when the child cried. Soon the father left for overseas duty, and the mother took Derek, now a year and a half old, to live with her at her parents’ home. On his arrival the grandparents noticed that ominous changed had occurred in the child. Strong and healthy at birth, he had become frail and irritable; a responsive baby, he had become remote and inaccessible. When he began to master speech, he talked only to himself. At an early date he become preoccupied with machinery, including an old electric fan which he could take apart and put together again with surprising deftness. Derek’s mother impressed us with a fey quality that expressed her insecurity, her detachment from the World and her low physical vitality. #RandolphHarris 8 of 14

We were struck especially be her total indifference as she talked about Derek. This seemed much more remarkable than the actual mistakes she made in handling him. Certainly he was left to cry for hours when hungry, because she fed him on a rigid schedule; he was toilet-trained with great rigidity so that he would give no trouble. These things happen to many children. However, Derek’s existence never registered with his mother. In her recollections he was fused at one moment with one event or person; at another, with something or somebody else. When she told us about his birth and infancy, it was as is she were talking about some vague acquaintance and soon her thought would wander off to another person or to herself. When Derek was not yet four, his nursery school suggested that he enter a special school for disturbed children. At the new school his autism was immediately recognized. During his three years there he experienced a slow improvement. Unfortunately a subsequent two years in a parochial school destroyed this progress. He began to develop compulsive defenses, which he called “preventions.” He could not drink, for example, expect through elaborate piping systems built of straws. Liquids had to be “pumped” into him, in his fantasy, or he could not suck. Eventually his behavior become so upsetting that he could not be kept in parochial school. At home thing did not improve. Three months before entering the Orthogenic School he made a serious attempt at suicide. #RandolphHarris 9 of 14

To us Derek’s pathological behavior seemed the external expression of an overwhelming effort to remain almost nonexistent as a person. For weeks Derek’s only reply when addressed was “Bam.” Unless he thus neutralized whatever we said, there would be an explosion, for Derek plainly wished to close off every form of contact not mediated by machinery. Even when he was bathed he rocked back and forth with mute, engine-like regularity, flooding the bathroom. If he stopped rocking, he did this like a machine too; suddenly he went completely rigid. Only once, after months of being lifted from his bath and carried to bed, did a small expression of puzzled pleasure appear on his face as he said very softly: “They even carry you to your bed here.” For a long time after he began to talk he would never refer to anyone by name, but only as “that person” or “the little person” or “the big person.” He was unable to designate by its true name anything to which he attached feelings. Nor could he name his anxieties expect through neologisms or word contaminations. For a long time he spoke about “master paintings” and “master painting room” (i.e., masturbating and masturbating room). One of his machines, the “criticizer,” prevented him from “saying words which have unpleasant feelings.” Yet he gave personal names to the tubes and motors in his collection of machinery. Moreover, these dead things had feelings; the tubes bled when hurt and sometimes got sick. He consistently maintained this reversal between animate and inanimate objects. #RandolphHarris 10 of 14

Many people wonder, how can we get people to open up about what they are experiencing and want to engage in therapy so there can be a break through. We can begin to change the status of the subject from that of an anonymous object of our study to that status of a person, a fellow seeker, a collaborator in our enterprise. We can let one tell the story of one’s experience in our studies in a variety of idioms. We can let one show what our stimuli have meant to one by one’s manipulations of our gadgetry; by responses to questionnaires; wit drawings; with words. We can invite one to reveal one’s being. We can prepare ourselves so that one will want to produce a multifaceted record of one’s experiencing in our laboratories. We can show one how we have recorded one’s responding and tell one what we have thought one’s responses mean. We can ask one to examine and then authenticate or revise our recorded version of the meaning-for-one of one’s experience. We can let one cross-examine us to get to know and trust us to find out what we are up to and to decide if one wishes to take part. Heaven knows what we might find. We might well emerge with richer images of beings. However, the problem is not everyone is looking to help. Many just simply want to apply their analytical assumptions to a patient and get paid. Those in helping position need to actually help people and not just assertive themselves to a position so they can feel superior. #RandolphHarris 11 of 14

In Derek’s machine World everything, on pain of distant destruction, obeyed inhibitory laws much more stringent than those of physics. When we came to know him better, it was plain that in his moments of silent withdrawal, with his machine switched off, Derek was absorbed in pondering the compulsive laws of his private Universe. His preoccupation with machinery made it difficult to establish even practical contacts with him. If he wanted to do something with a counselor, such as play with a toy that had caught his vague attention, he could not do so: “I would like this very much, but first I have to turn off the machine.” But by the time he had fulfilled all the requirements of his preventions, he has lost interest. When a toy was offered to him, he could not touch it because his motors and his tubes did no leave him hand free. Even certain colors were dangerous and had to be strictly avoided in toys and clothing, because “some colors turn off the current, and I cannot touch them because I cannot live without the current.” Derek was convinced that machines were better than people. Once when he bumped into one of the pipes on our jungle gym he kicked it so violently that his teacher had to restrain him to keep him from injuring himself. When she explained that the pipe was much harder than his foots, Derek replied: “That proves it. Machines are better than the body. They do not break; they are much harder and stronger.” #RandolphHarris 12 of 14

If Derek lost or forgot something, to him, it merely proved that his brain ought to be thrown away and replaced by machinery. If he spilled something, his arm should be broken and twisted off because it did not work properly. When his head or arm failed to work as it should, he tried to punish it by hitting it. Even Derek’s feelings were mechanical. Much later in his therapy, when he had formed a timid attachment to another child and had been rebuffed, Derek cried: “He broke my feelings.” Gradually we began to understand what had seemed to be contradictory in Derek’s behavior—why he held on to the motor and tubes, then suddenly destroyed them in a fury, then set out immediately and urgently to equip oneself with new and larger tubes. Derek had created these machines to run his body and mind because it was too painful to be human. However, again and again, he became dissatisfied with their failure to meet his need and rebellious at the way they frustrated his will. In a recurrent frenzy he “exploded” his light bulbs and tubes, and for a moment became a human being—for one crowning instant he came alive. But as soon as he had asserted his dominance through the self-created explosion, he felt his life ebbing away. To keep on existing he had immediately to restore his machines and replenish the electricity that suppled his life energy. #RandolphHarris 13 of 14

A being’s philosophic attitude is determined by the balance in one. A completed theoretic philosophy can thus never be anything more than a completed classification of the World’s ingredients; and its results must always be abstract, since the basis of every classification is the abstract essence embedded in the living fact, the rest of the living fact being for the time ignored by the classifier. This means that none of our explanations are complete. Hey subsume things under heads wider or more familiar; but the last heads, whether of things or of their connections, are mere abstract genera, data which we just find in things and write down. A single explanation of a fact only explains it from a single point of view. The entire fact is not accounted for until each and all of its characters have been classed with their likes elsewhere. The most one can say is that them elements of the World are such and such, and that each is identical with itself wherever found; but the question Where is it Found? the practical being is left to answer by one’s own wit. Which, of all the essences, shall here and now be held the essence of this concrete thing, the fundamental philosophy never attempts to decide. We are thus led to the conclusion that the simple classification of things is, on the one hand, the best possible theoretic philosophy, but is, on the other, a most miserable and inadequate substitute for the fulness of truth. #RandolphHarris 14 of 14