The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves, we have to be honest with ourselves about every facet of our experience. People cannot get better without know what they know and feeling what they feel. The farther the distance is, the deeper the yearning is. The longer we leave each other, the deeper we miss each other. When our yearnings can come to an end in the long night, real love is blind devotion, and a most wonderful teacher. Most human suffering is related to love and loss and people are required to acknowledge, experience, and bear the reality of life—with all its pleasures and heartbreak. I really miss you and the faces you used to make at me and the rapid movement of your eyes. I also miss your stern and grumpy demeanor and I enjoyed watching it transfer until you seemed proud and would trot around the park, like the proud and accomplished man you are.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

By disclosing such simple human needs in myself it helps me recognize how basic they are to our lives. I wonder, is there anything you miss about me in person? Failure to attending to our needs results in a stunted experience, no matter how grand the Queen Anne Victorian thoughts of our imagination and World accomplishments are. Healing is contingent on experiential knowledge: We can be fully in charge of our lives, only if we can acknowledge the reality of our bodies, in all its visceral dimensions. To further illustrate this point, today I was laying in bed typing and feeling low energy, then I heard two groups of guys walk by and they sounded very healthy, mentally sound, happy and confident. And I jumped out of bed to look out the window so I could see them because that is the kind of energy I am drawn to. I went from feeling like a weak seedling, to feel as excited as one is when they get a new car. I have no idea what they were talking to, but was drawn to this healthy tones coming from them.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

The tones coming from these men reminded me of the community I grew up in before all the sin, magic, witches, and evil had been ascribed to the city. These people used to love to go to work, provide for their families and protect their loved ones. It brought them a sense of pride. It was not all about status, looking cool, and money. Now it seems like we are stuck in a new community with an emerging paradigm of anger, lust, pride, greed, avarice, drunkenness and sloth—as well as all the other problems we humans have always struggled to manage. These disorders can be fixed by enforcing the laws and the administration of appropriate chemicals. Because the gossip and slander is not helping. Research has even indicated unequivocally that schizophrenic patients who received drugs alone has a better outcome than those who talked three times a week with the best the therapist in Sacramento. Many people are suffering from variable expressions of intolerable feelings and relationships due to a brain-disease. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

A psychiatrist administered lithium to a manic-depressive patient. On lithium, a man who had been manic every May for the past thirty-five years, and suicidally depressed every December, stopped cycling and remained stable for the three years he was under care of his doctor. This same doctor was also part of the first U.S. research team to test the antipsychotic Clozaril on chronic patients who were warehoused in the back wards of the old insane asylums. Some of their responses were miraculous: People who had spent much of their lives locked in their own separate, terrifying realities were now able to return to their families and communities; patients mired in darkness and despair started to respond to the beauty of human contact and the pleasures of work and play. These amazing results made us optimistic that we could finally conquer human misery. Antipsychotic drugs were a major factor in reducing the number of people living in mental hospitals in the United States, from over 500,000 in 1955 to fewer than 100,000 in 1996. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

Prior to these treatments with medications, these people had to be hosed down to remove filth from their naked bodies, as the lined up in their unfurnished dayroom, supplied with gutters for the runoff water. The doctor said visiting one of these high rises and walking through the dayroom, with people staring at your, making rude comments, and the physical attacks was more like a nightmare than something he witnessed with his own eyes. It was more of an institution than an affordable housing complex. The building was hot and musty, the greenhouses, and gardens had been replaced by a parking lot, and the workshops—most of them in ruins had been turned into a computer lab and a kitchen for the house slaves. Gradually, the sanctuary gradually took on a sinister connotation because it was a community where no one knew each other’s proper names and labeled each other with certain idiosyncrasies. Some suggested that in the near future the gates would be permanently locked and it would become a ghost town due to mismanagement. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5

Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before the night very silent because there is no language for our pain, only a moan. Night’s heart is fully of pity for us: it cannot ease our aching; it takes our hand and the little World grows very small and very far away beneath us, and, borne on its dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than its own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life likes like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the Angels of God.  We now know that more than half the people who seek psychiatric care have been assaulted, abandoned, neglected, or even raped as children, or have witnessed violence in their families. However, these experiences are not always talked about during therapy because most are trying to manage their suicidal thoughts and self-destructive behaviors, rather than understanding the possible causes of their despair and helplessness. They shared memories of lying in bed at night, helpless and terrified. And very little attention is paid to their accomplishment and aspirations.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 6

WHITE SQUALL

The best thing to do for people who have experienced extreme trauma is to keep them involved in normal activities such as eating at the local pizza parlor, attending an Oakland A’s or Golden State Warriors game, or camping at the beach. It helps to talk about whom they care for, love, or hate; what motivates them and engages them, what keeps them stuck, and what makes them feel at peace—the ecology of their lives. One doctor admitted that when he was doing physical examinations of patients, he would look up from their charts and asked them about their lives. Many of them spilled out stories about painful marriages, difficult children, and guilt over not being able to provide for their families like they wanted to. As they would speak, he noticed the patient was visibly brightened and often thanked him for effusively listening to them. A male patient talked about having his semen drawn off and painful erections being stimulated and also feeling sensations (such as abdominal pain) that had no obvious physical causes; and hearing voices warning of danger or accusing him of heinous crimes.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 6

Peter was a handsome seventeen-year-old Saint Thomas Choir School student who usually sat alone at his father’s house, looking frightened to death and was virtually mute, but whose reputation as the son of an important Manhattan Mafioso gave him an aura of mystery. After he refused to eat for more than a week and rapidly started to lose weight, the butler decided to force-feed him. It took three people to hold him down, another to push the rubber feeding tube down his throat, and the maid to pour the pablum into his stomach. Later, during a midnight confession, Peter spoke gently and hesitantly about being sexually assaulted, and that because he was black and white, people would accuse his light skin to be a produce of bleaching and not genetics. I realized then that our display of “caring” must have felt to him much like a gang rape. This experience, and others like it, helped me formulate this rule: If you do something to a patient that you would not do to your friends or children, consider whether you are unwittingly replicating a trauma from the patient’s past. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 6

In my role as Peter’s recreation leader I noticed others things, he was strikingly clumsy and somethings physically uncoordinated. When we went camping, he would sit helplessly by as I made the beds in the cabin and unloaded the food and supplies. However, when I would take him outside and walk through the forest with him, he seemed much more at peace and relaxed. Another characteristic was that even his most relaxed conversations seemed stilted, lacking the natural flow of gestures and facial expressions that are typical among friends. It is almost like he was preparing for our good conversation to turn into a person criticism or that I was going to beat him up for looking at me in the eyes too long or for saying something silly. All pains are ever most acute in the time of suffering: for how easy sit upon the reflection the heaviest misfortunes when they have been surmounted! #RyanPhillippe 4 of 6

We need to be aware that we have unwittingly become injustice collector. The media reports are full of this form of chronic resentment. We see injustice collecting in interpersonal relations where making the other person wrong is actually a primary objective. We are unconsciously programmed to believe that injustice collecting is normal. In contrast to this habitual pattern, which is destructive and weakening, the letting go technique frees us from keeping close account of the wrongs made against us. Our time and attention are freed up to see the beauty and opportunity around us. Anger is binding, not freeing. It connects us to another person and holds them in our life pattern. We are stuck in the negative pattern until we let go of the energy and anger and its little payoffs of righteous indignation, feeling wronged, and the desire for revenge. It may not be exactly the same person who constantly recurs in our life. If not that person, the others will appear who have the same quality that triggers our anger and resentment. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 6

This pattern of attracting these people into our lives that trigger the trauma will keep recurring until we finally handle our inner angriness. Then, suddenly, people with that quality disappear from out life. Therefore, anger may force someone to be physically distant from us, but physically binds them to us more closely, until we fully relinquish the anger and resentment. Relinquishing anger brings us many benefits. We are really to experience emotional comfort and ease, gratitude for the daily opportunities to grow and heal, mutual caring with another without subtle strings attached, improvement in health, and more life energy. These breakthroughs allow us to move up to a more effective and effortless state of inner freedom. There are two lights in my memory, which are your eyes with deep love. Your eyes seem to speak to me, night of missing will go by, please greet the dawn when we will meet again. Real love is devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust, and belief against yourself and against the whole World, giving up your heart and soul to the smiter. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 6

In my new job, I was confronted on an almost daily basis with issues I thought I had left behind. My experience as a veteran had so sensitized me to the impact of trauma that I now listened to people with a very different ear. I would flash back to all of my friend being killed in the rice fields, or how when some Americans would go crazy and kill villages of innocent children because they were upset that they saw the head of their friend Johnny blown off and had to wipe his guts and blood off of their face. And of course, we can all recall how Agent Orange would change our lives and the lives of some of our offspring forever. Even years after the way, I had nightmares and flashbacks of things I longed to forget. These flashbacks would alternate between occasional bouts of explosive rage and long periods of being emotionally disabled to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks. As we now know, war is not the only calamity that leaves human lives in ruins—the media seems to do the same.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

It is sad that children are endangered in their own houses. This is particularly tragic, since it is very difficult for growing children to recover when the source of terror and pain is not enemy combatants, but their own caretakers, reporters, and the Mayor of the city they live in. It is not funny when you know someone is injured because of their father’s service in the way, and you use your position in the media to unlawfully obtain medial reports and distort them and spend years spreading this information throughout the community and encourage people to attack the son of a veteran for no reason. Trauma not only took place in the past, but you make my family relive it on the daily basis for your pleasure and entertainment. This new trauma has also left a lasting imprint on the mind, brain, and body. And this imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

Trauma reorganizes the way the mind and the brain mange perceptions. It changes not only the way we think, but how we think. And just because a person talks about what happened to them in therapy, it does not mean that they have healed and are ready to move on. The act of telling a story does not necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal violated times. People still deal with the pain and suffering, and remain hypervigilant prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time. Individuals born with physical conditions and have had surgical operations that have nearly killed them or nearly caused them to bleed to death are not the same as someone born perfectly healthy and decided to use drugs that cause mental problems or sell their body and claim victim statues. Internal conditions are serious and because of that someone people cannot eat or drink the things you do because their bodies function differently. A veteran is as a street thug who chooses to deal dope instead of going to college and earning a high paying job. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

For real change to take place, the body is required to learn that the danger has passed and to live in the reality of the present. However, to have people breaking into your hold while you are sleeping and then pretending they did not know what they were doing or how they got the key does not help. To have people kicking on your door or twisting the door handle at 3am is not healthy. To have someone sexually assault your son and cause two fractures in his spine and then brag about it is not okay. Nor is it good for someone to rob your son, hit him in the back of his head, leave him for dead, then vandalize his car, just because he was told to get out of the house and make friends does not help much either. Not only does it make a father feel like a failure, reflect poorly on the community, but think about the emotion, physical, and financial pain you have caused! Nor is it okay to hang latex balloons outside of the door of a person you know is allergic to them and it could cause them to have respiratory problems and died. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

Our search to understand trauma has lead us to think different not only about the structure of the mind, but also about the processes by which it heals. And constantly being in a hostile environment where rules and laws are not enforced make it nearly impossible for anyone to heal. We are wanting, learning, reaching out to be part of something more than these traumatic experiences, but we often feel separated. Others are not attending to nor connecting with us enough, so we tend to pull back so we are not tricked and lead into a dark alley and assaulted. Some people who have experienced trauma walk around half alive. So while you use your position in the media or as a model to crack jokes and make fun of people who have suffered or died to protect your freedom, remember what you are doing to them and their families. All those who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.  #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5

Ten years after helplessly holding Tom Murphy in his arms, Ben Crawford was reliving the trauma. After falsely being accused of murdering his own five-year-old son, Ben Crawford was released from prison in 2017 for good behavior. When Ben got upset he was afraid to be around his family because he behaved like a monster. The noise his kids Abby and Natalie would make would agitate him so much her would storm out of the house to keep himself from hurting them. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 9

Nighttime offered no relief—his sleep was constantly interrupted by nightmare of finding Tom in the forest in a pool of his own blood. He also had horrible flashbacks and dreaded falling asleep and often stayed up for most of the night drinking. In the morning, his wife Christi, would find him passed out on the living room couch, and she and the girls would have to tiptoe around him whole she made them breakfast before they left for college and graduate school.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 9

Ben was upset by how difficult it was to feel any real affection for his wife, even though her letter had kept in alive in his cold prison cell. Ben went through the motions of living a normal life, hoping that by faking it he would learn to become his former self again. However, you never know when you will be assaulted by horrible memories again and you have no way of telling when they will stop. Traumatized people have a tendency to superimpose their trauma on everything around them and have trouble deciphering whatever is going on around them.  #RyanPhillippe 3 of 9

When Ben would see other fathers at the park playing with their son’s, he would sometimes go look to see may if it was Tom. He also felt like the image of his dead son was following him and haunting him, as if someone was placing boys who looked like his son in his path to upset him. Even if Ben was having a good day, a time to the mall might remind him of the Christmas he found his son dead, and he would get sad and shut down.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 9

When we think of our families, we want to think of them as safe havens in a heartless World of uncivilized people. Ben never talked about how the murder of his son, but he would sometimes have explosive rage that would stun his family. Ben’s loyalty to his dead son was keeping him from living his own life, it had rendered the rest of his life irrelevant. He felt emotionally distant from everyone, as if his heart were frozen. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 9

**And when Ben looked in the mirror to shave, he hardly recognized himself. Instead, he recalled being questioned by the police, being kidnapped and tortured by his neighbor Kevin, and everyone accusing him of a crime he did not commit instead of trying to find the real killer. Ben would think about how his such much have screamed from the blows to the head before he died and the pain he must have felt, as his body fell to the ground. After you experience something so unspeakable, how do you learn to trust yourself?  #RyanPhillippe 6 of 9

Is it any wonder, then, that Ben Crawford was so traumatized, by the death of someone he loved so dearly, that he resorted to using drugs, alcohol, and self-mutilation to block out the unbearable memories? How can you surrender to an intimate relationship after you have been brutally violated? One of the hardest things for traumatized people to do is confront their shame about the way they have behaved during a traumatic episode. Ben was so haunted by the shame of how he felt and the fact that he was helpless to save the life of his son that he became terrified, dependent, and enraged because he was flooded with memories of his dead son.  #RyanPhillippe 7 of 9

The soul of the World shows itself most immediately with the presence of everyday things. It is possible to catch an immediate glimpse of the soul in things. There have been times, or I shall say there was a time when I saw the World as a living being. It was a very simple event. I was sitting in my room alone, writing at my desk, when before my eyes, the World was changed. There was a flow of living light that was in some mystery way not separate from me, but like part of my own being. Inner and outer were indistinguishably one.  #RyanPhillippe 8 of 9

The next day I got a call from a security guard saying he saw my son walking out of the store carrying a bottle of cranberry juice. Immediately, I tore home from work to see him for myself, but was pulled over by the CHP. I explained my situation and was let go with a warning. Knowing my son was alive and well, I am not sure how, but it gave me the hope and courage to live. I stopped drinking, smoking, and stopped cutting myself, and I knew that one day I would see him and hold him in my arms again. And one day, I happened to hear him call out to me, and there he was knocking at my door. #RyanPhillippe 9 of 9

Life is beautiful, but sometimes things do not always workout the way we plan. I have been studying psychology for a few years, and it has helped my mind develop and assisted me in becoming more expressive about my feeling, but still not getting the results I want. I used to have so much time settling into any relationship because I was always zooming around and never allowing myself to really land anywhere. When I decided to stick with the community that was those most important to me as well as the most familiar, the meeting rooms at the castle. However, I decided to practice getting closet to individuals within the community and stayed steady within those relationships rather than following my old patterns of running away the minute I began to feel I was getting to close to anyone.   #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

After a few months, though, I discovered that I have chosen a group that was too familiar, too comfortable and that I was not really experiencing the kinds of changes I knew could lead me to greater success in establishing intimacy. And it was so frustrating because the tools I had been learning in psychology just did not seem to be working for me. For instance, I want my relationship with someone to grow, so instead of drawing closer, I pulled away, gave this person their space, and even changed my routine because I noticed this person have been getting distant. And it backfired on me. The individual I was interested in actually became frustrated and became more watchful and demanding, but we still were not spending quality time together. Sometimes it seems like giving a person space and learning to express one’s feelings does not work. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

So I went back to the drawing board and decided to try something a bit more challenging that would allow me to develop my new skills more successfully. I looked at my list and thought again about my on-again and off-again relationships to the church community I had grown up in. I made the decision to reopen my connection with my local parish. By going back to church, I succeeded in making a big change in my relational patterns by volunteering to work with a group of church members that do outreach to inactive local parishioners to determine how the church could become more relevant in their lives. Circumstances try the metal a man is really made of. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

As I learned to sit and really listen to the people I visited, I began to slow myself down little by little. I often went on these visits with other volunteers from the group. One of them, a man much older than me, talked to me about how long it had taken me to get to a place of real comfort in my own life. One day, I realized that I had been sitting and talking with my new friend for two hours without even feeling restless. It was a quantum leap for me to find out that I was capable of sitting for hours with another person engaged in a conversation that was personal and that also made me feel vulnerable. I began to discover that the more I practiced doing this, the more relaxed I became with everyone who crossed my path.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

So after going through ups and downs in my relationship and realizing that no matter what I did, it was just not going to work out the way I wanted, I did not break it off, but I branched out and stayed committed. I am not sure how the person I am seeing is going to handle sharing me with the church, but we shall see. Nonetheless, I am happier because I am not longing for that missing connection of communication and fellowship. I have new friends in my life, and we talk about good things like the Bible and how to improve our community and respect others. The exciting things is that I have no idea where this adventure may take me, nor who I will find myself with as I learn to change my relationships. I just have to keep breathing! #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5

Sometimes groups get too anxious to get down to business and foregoes the small talk, however, primary tensions is likely to create an atmosphere of formality, stiffness, and insecurity. Communication will be stilted and hesitant. The ability of the group to work on a task will be hindered by excessive and persistent primary tension. Secondary tension can also be a problem. Disagreements and conflicts—storming—inevitably emerge when group members struggle to define their status and roles in the group. Shortage of time to accomplish a task or to make a decision can induce tension. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

Secondary tension has become an issue in jury deliberations. This is particularly true in cases involving controversial statues such as “three strikes” and death penalty laws. Even in other cases, however, secondary tension can produce juror warfare. To further highlight this illustration, during a Manhattan, New York, jury deliberation involving a man charged with selling a $10 bag of heroin, jurors yelled at each other, and after four days of antagonistic debate a note was sent to the judge complaining about the lone holdout juror. The note the judge received read: Tensions is high, nerves are frayed and all minds are not sound. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

In other instances, court officers have broken up fistfights, jurors have flung chairs through windows, and some jurors have even screamed so loudly that they could be heard on the other floors of the courthouse. Jurors have been caught wandering away from the jury room, and in one case a juror tried to escape the deliberations permanently by leaping off the jury bus. Courts all around the United States have begun providing booklets to jurors detailing how to deliberate while remaining courteous and even-tempered. To the working adult, play is re-creation. It permits a periodical stepping out from those forms of defined limitation which are his social reality. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

When we put pressure on other people in order to get what we want, they automatically resist, because we are trying to pressure them. The harder we push, the harder they resist. Even though, out of fear, they may actually concede to our demands, there is not an inner acceptance and, later on, we will lose what we have gained. The resistance is in all of us. We can be aware of it as it operates unconsciously, and we evade that awareness by making excuses and plausible explanations. There are two reasons for the proverbial persistence of anglers. The first is that the fish are biting; the second is that they are not. Either is a sufficient justification for fishing a little longer. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

One way around this is to surrender the feelings we have about what we want from the other person, and let go of the pressures we are putting on them in the form of expectation and desire. They, then, have the psychic space to become agreeable or even to initiate the desired result on their own, the result we had wished for in the first place. I will grant that it is often more efficient to be a machine, but not in the long run. In the long run, a human who makes himself into a machine breaks down or wears out, at least as a human being. And machines are never happy. People are happy. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5

There is just one life to life, but biblically, we recognize the fact that people have different gifts. One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. A clarification of expectations is essential. What may the person expect and not expect? It is our responsibility to avoid preparing people for things that simply do not exist. Many of us have experiences, on both the giving and receiving end, the type of wishful thinking which imbues others with superhuman powers to give help when we are unable to go further or when the situation is inoperable. What is the problem? What have you already tried to do in meeting the situation? And what is your motivation, resistances, and reservations? What are the conditions you would like to set in moving forward? People are wary of unlimited involvement in unknown relationships. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

After all, one does not know what is right for another (many are lucky indeed if one knows it for oneself); you do not have to face what he is facing (and pray to God you never may have to); you do not, and never will, and pray to God that you may never acquire that pride that dares to assert it does, or even some day may, know the length and breadth and the depth of a [person]…the more you know, the less you claim to know. I believe that God is present in the World, not only in manifest and open form through the church, but also in latent and hidden form in human need. Wherever people struggle for justice, for order, for dignity, for well-being, God is present—incognito many times, but nevertheless there. Inasmuch as we respond to others in need, we are ministering unto Christ himself.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

The task of helping people be people, of humanizing humanity, of enabling every individual to find a place where he can consider himself necessary within the whole of being can be carried out and fulfilled by no single person or group. There are and have to be multiple sources of support. The task of responding to human pain requires orchestration, not solo performances. You can spend all your time walking through the forest (of life) picking up twigs, the woods are full of twigs. However, the problem is the forest. If you spend much time picking up twigs, you will never get to the trees that produce the twigs. So to stop the twigs from falling, one is required to find the trees they are coming from and prune those trees. Basically, to end your suffering, enter your pain. This means getting to know it and its roots, exploring it deeply, moving through it slowly, but surely.  #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

You cannot emerge from your pain unless you enter it, and this begins with turning toward it. Emotional literacy blends emotional sensitivity, understanding, and savvy. It means knowing what you are feeling while you are feeling it, and being able to both contain and openly express it.  Have compassion if you feel fear doing this, hold him the way you would hold a frightened boy, not letting him drive the car, but keeping him close to you, both cared for and protected, as you drive. A person’s values and ability to tolerate distress and uncertainty can play a role in whether that individual can be manipulated. In certain circumstances, people who are normally fundamentally good can commit thoughtless or even cruel acts.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

After someone makes a decision that goes against his moral values, that person may experience emotional discomfort and distress. So often we have chased some goal and, then, when we have achieved it, we are disappointed. To ease these feelings, the person may adjust his beliefs. That is because the thing itself does not coincide with our pictures of it. We have attached sentimentality or we have made it bigger than life. We have projected onto a thing a magical quality that somehow leads us to believe that, once we acquire it, we will magically achieve some higher state of happiness and satisfaction. I have already stated that the dream or goal has no means of expressing the relation of contradiction, contrast, negation. The day I first me you, you told me you would never fall in love, but now that I get you I know fear is what it really was. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5