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There is a Kind of Magnetism in Goodness
Nature has made the heart the magnetic point of mutual attraction in affairs of a first and mutual passion, and the head of the wisest person is here of its sphere. We are living in an intelligent Universe, which responds to out mental states.
To the extent that we learn to control these mental states, we shall automatically control our environment. This is why we are studying the power of thought and action, as we approach the subject of spiritual mind program reeducation and healing.
What a marvelous thought to bear in mind: that the mind is our center of intelligence, and every time one thinks, one sets their mind program in action. Exalted minds enter more rapidly and closely into the connections of friendship than those of a vulgar stamp.
Perhaps the most crucial step in helping is assuming responsibility. However, in some cases, groups limit helping by causing a diffusion of responsibility (spreading responsibility among several people).
Is that like the unwillingness of drivers to offer help on a crowded freeway?
Exactly. It is the feeling that no one is personally responsible for helping.
Many studies suggest that when we see a person in trouble, it tends to cause heightened arousal. This aroused, keyed up feeling can motivate us to help, but usually only if the rewards of helping outweigh the costs. Higher costs (such as great efforts, personal risk, or possible embarrassment) almost always decrease helping, for many people.
In addition to general arousal, potential helpers may also feel empathic arousal. This means that one can empathize with the person in need or feel some of the person’s pain, fear, or anguish. Helping is much more likely when we are able to take the perspective of others and feel sympathy for their plight.
If people feel sad or distressed when another person is in trouble, could it not be that they help just to make themselves feel better?
It is certainly possible that some helping is actually selfish. However, further research has shown that empathy (emphatic arousal) really does unleash altruistic motivation based on sympathy and compassion. Most helping, including acts such as making donations or being kind, is motivated by a true desire to relieve the distress of others.
Emphatic arousal is especially likely to motivate helping when the person in need seems to be similar to ourselves. In fact, a feeling of connection to the victim may be one of the most important factors in helping. There is a strong empathy helping relationship: We are most likely to help someone in need when we feel for that person and experience emotions such as empathy, sympathy, and compassion.
Is there anything that can be done to encourage prosocial (voluntary behavior to benefit another) behavior?
People who see others helping are more like to offer help themselves. Also, persons who give help in one situation tend to perceive themselves as helpful people. This change in self-image encourages them to help in other situations. One more point is that norms of fairness encourage us to help others who have helped us. For all these reasons, helping others not only assists them directly, it encourages others to help, too.
De-victimize yourself; if you should find yourself in need of help, during an emergency, what can you do to avoid being a victim of bystander apathy? Make sure that you are noticed and that people realize that there is an emergency, and that they need to take action. Being notices can be promoted in some situations by shouting “Fire!” Or by calling out a random name, so people turn around and look.
Bystanders who might run away from a robbery or an assault may rush to see where the fire is, or look for who is calling out for them in distress. You can assign direct responsibility to a bystander by pointing to someone and saying, “You, call the police,” or “I am injured, I need you to call an ambulance.” The human heart is vast enough to contain all the World!
Happy Mother’s Day, this will make you Cry! (In a Good way.)
If you had this time again, would you do it all the same? I wonder? Oh, would I?
Of the promises we made, is there anything you would change, In the re-runs of our lives?
If I could call you for a day, just to hear the words you would say, I would.
All the colours that you bring, all come rushing back again, all the places that we have been, this time.
All the people that you knew, they will come running back to you. All the faces that we have seen. This life.
And we never took the time to see where we were going we were only passing by.
And we never questioned why
the river keeps on flowing and the beauty of the ride.
If I could call you for a day just to hear the words you would say, I would. Oh.
All the colours that you bring all come rushing back again all the places that we have been. This time.
All the people that you knew they will come running back to you, all the faces that we have seen. his life.
The river flows, the river flows, this life.
The Serpent is Essentially a Projection of Male Fears and Female Resentment
When man’s his own enemy, it is only because he is too much his own friend; not because he is careful about everybody but himself. The serpent is associated with death and fears of the dead, it also connotes immortality. In a similar fashion, the serpent appears as a homeopathic remedy for the fears of boundary violation, which sexuality arouses in orally fixated individuals. The snake is often utilized as a bisexual symbol, and bisexuality, like parthenogenesis, is an obvious solution to boundary fears. The child survives the attack and becomes a man, while at the very end he is reborn a babe and the entire sequence renewed. The destructive story of the wife is followed by a rapt portrait of the husband lost in ecstatic dreams of a blissful after life. Thus, at one level, the story of the attacked heart expresses the idea that through self-destruction, the little boy can rid himself of the persecutions of the mother and recreate himself along more satisfactory lines. Closely related to this fantasy of rebirth is that of propitiation, not only of the mother’s hostility, but also of her sexual demands. There is a feeling that the hero can escape death, only by appeasing these needs, but that only his self-destruction will in fact appease them. Rebirth is thus the only means to existence at all. It is clear to him that he cannot provide what she wants, that what she wants has something to do with his being male, and that is inability to provide it has something to do with his being too small.
Perhaps he even senses that in some manner, he is being put in the place of his fathers. It is not necessary for him to know that the only baby he can give his mother is himself; he can still sense that it will take all him giving up his life to please her, she is angry and hungry. After she swallows his heart, she will give birth to him again, and it will be better this time and she will be satisfied. Rituals involving the Terrible Mother with hearts and phalli to assure fertility of the Earth, and in both instances the serpent is prominently involved as the recipient of these sacrifices. Thus: All Aztec polices were subordinated to the wars that were waged for the purpose of taking prisoners to be sacrificed in the cult of the Snake Woman, who yielded fertility only when satiated by terrible blood sacrifices….The characteristic Aztec form of the sacrifice was to tear the heart out of the living body and offer it up to the Sun; this gave assurance of the fructifying rain that made the Earth fertile. Although offering the heart to the Sun seems to contradict the interpretation suggested here, the solar emphasis is merely a patriarchal overlay, superimposed upon the Earth-Mother cult. Why cutting out of the heart was maintained during the transition, however, remains a question to be investigated. Castrating or dismembering of the son, by the Terrible Mothers, suggest that the son is a snake, his scepter is a snake.
An identity between the cutting out of the heart and birth links the castration and rebirth interpretations. The dying prisoner was the generative feminine Earth principle, the woman dying in childbirth; in dying, he engendered his heart…The husking of the corn, the heart, is castration, mutilation, and sacrifice of the essential male part; but at the same time, it is birth and a life-giving deed. Blood sacrifice and dismemberment belong to the fertility ritual of the Great Mother. Both fecundate the womb of the pieces of the victim, weather man or animal, are solemnly spread over the fields. The Greek Thesmophoria, in which little pigs, symbolizing the children of the Earth sow, and phallic symbols are thrown into a ravine supposed to be swarming with snakes, also belongs to this context. No wonder that one idle fellow should love another. One may interpret this ritual of propitiating the serpent as essentially a projection of male fears and female resentment. In the ritual of the Thesmophoria, for example, the women who perform it are projecting onto the Earth-Mother their own modal conflict, saying, in effect, she will conceive and bring forth only when her hatred and fierce hunger have been sated with the blood and organs of the offending male. A treacherous friend is the most dangerous enemy.
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Identity Theft is Highest in California
Sacramento, California is the nation’s highest region with Identity theft. 12,157,400 people are impacted each year in America. Identity theft is fraud. Average cost of incident is $5,300.00. In 2014, the total financial loss attributed to identity theft in is $26,350,000,000. Most of the fraud is credit card fraud, which impacts 61 percent of citizens, 35 percent of people have their bank accounts misused, and 14.5 percent have their personal information used. However, in Sacramento, California, identity theft is taking on a new level. A lot of reporters are stalking people, ripping their families apart, and finding weak people, in the family to pay and pump, for information. Once these reporters get this information, they stalk their target and harass them online, and in person, by pretending to be them, or one of their family members the individual has not seen in a long time. The reporters will know personal details and even stories. Nearly 300 people have been charged for fraud totaling $486 million since the Federal Bureau of Investigation began in August 2012.
The identity thieves like to target mixed race people, someone who is two races or more. The identity theft criminals usually target people who make $75,000 a year or more. Since 2010, the amount that the identity theft has cost the nation has nearly tripled. If identity thieves have your personal information, they can drain your bank account, run up charges on your credit cards, open new utility accounts, or get medical treatment on your health insurance. And an identity thief can use your personal information to even access your medical records. My advice, take care of all your business in person, even if you have to deal with the Social Security office. If they send you a letter, go to the office in person and deal with it. The same with the banks, deal with your business in person. Do not answer calls you do not know, let them leave a voicemail. Do not give away any information over the phone. If someone comes to your door, ask for a business card and call their company to verify they are who they say they are.
Why Not Write on Something You Know?
Randolph Stow’s walk is the thing that practically everyone who knows him mentions when describing him. His friends and acquaintances sometimes differ about other of Randolph’s physical characteristics, but they all give the same picture of his walk. He covers the ground with long legged strides, head up, shoulder square, his eyes fixed in from of him, as if his mind had just sidled around the corner on a journey of his of its own. His novel, a Haunted Land, The Bystander, and To the Islands, and his poems could have only come from the kind of mind which often goes sidling off on a journey of its own. Randolph’s personality cannot of course be captured in a few revealing words, for he is at least as complex as any character in one of his own novels, and more complex than most of them. Either a as man or writer, Randolph cannot be ticketed, in accordance with some approved and easily recognizable formula. This makes him a little disconcerting to those people who like their writers to fit neatly into established pigeonholes. Some daring, or, more likely, bash, critics have attempted now and then to pin one or another of the conventional labels on him, but any literary label looks wrong on Randolph, even though, like every writer, he has been influenced by the work of other writers. Randolph will never be a mere echo of any other writer. The thing that stamps all his published work is not its similarity to anything anyone else has written, but its immense and imaginative originality.
What his ultimate achievement will be is only to be guessed, but it will be something of himself, not something borrowed or adapted. It is not surprising at all events that some of his admirers consider him to be, in the words of one of them, touched with the blighted hand of genius. Randolph’s, fine boned and delicately cast, is five feet ten inches tall, but his slender build makes him appear taller. (He weighs only nine stone, and this led a drunk in a country pub, a few years ago, to offer him a job as an investigator for international human rights.) His naturally brown curly hair is grey, and his skin fair. He has a fairly full mouth, and exceptionally bright blue eyes, which are often fixed in a somewhat puzzled expression. Randolph’s eyebrows are incongruously heavy, one of his friends called them stage Irishman brows’, and he tends to twist them when concentrating on a conversation. In a group, Randolph is apt to listen rather than talk, confining himself to an occasional comment, but with two or three friends, he talks well. He has a good sense of humour, and his remarks, although never the weighty pronouncements of the intellectual, are often penetrating. Like many sky people, he is a man of strong theories. He does not obtrude these, but if necessary, he will resolutely defend them. Randolph’s politics, like most other things about him, cannot readily labelled; when pressed to declare himself politically, he once said I am a human being.
Music, especially classical music and folk songs is among his major interests, and he has a fair collection of recordings. At some of his parties, if drunk enough, he extemporizes on the piano, often quite brilliantly; he is great at reading music, ad has a true ear and plays with feeling. He sometimes sings also in a voice which some people find agreeable, even though it is melodious. Randolph is most logically humble. Although his three novels and his verse had been highly praised by responsible critics, he decided in 1959 to abandon writing, and went to New Guinea, meaning to settle down, to a non-literary career; at that time, he was twenty-three. In New Guinea, his work as an assistant to the government Anthropologist, was mainly linguistic, and this interested him, because he has a gift for languages; he majored in French, which he reads fluently, at the University of Western Australia, and is hardly less fluent in Spanish. His health was poor in New Guinea, however, and he resigned his post after eleven months, and came back to the Australian mainland. He went to England in 1960, and stayed for nine months, living in Suffolk. Randolph did no writing in England, but while there agreed with his London publishers to make a new collection of his poems. The appearance of this volume, Outrider, with illustrations by Sidney Nolan, was delayed for several reasons, but it ultimately came out late in 1962.
Randolph came back to the house in 1961 to live in Western Australia and went back to the University of Western Australia to do post graduate work in English. Early in 1962, he returned to England as assistant lecturer in English, at the University of Leeds. While back in Perth, Randolph shared a flat in the suburb of Nedlands with a former college friend, Mike Thornett. Randolph enjoys city life well enough, but states, “I have always vacillated between town and country, never quite a countryman but a constant weekender and vacationer. I am still in much the same position, though I now know bigger towns and wilder bush. If forced to make a definitive choice, he would probably choose the bush. This is suggested by a passage in an article he published in the Western Australian literary magazine Westerly (No. 2, 1961). “In the cities,” he wrote, “personality is fenced in by personalities of others.” However, alone in the bush…a phrase like “liberation of the spirit” may begin to sound meaningful. Randolph was born at Geraldton, Western Australia, in 1935, the son of a country lawyer; the only other child was a girl, two years younger than Randolph. His forebears on both sides were early Australian settlers; his father’s people helped to establish Adelaide and his mother’s family were pastoral pioneers of the Geraldton district. He was educated at the State schools in Geraldton, then went as a boarder to Guildford Grammar School, near Perth, and there he discovered Christopher Fry’s plays.
THE LAND’S MEANING By RANDOLPH
The love of man is a weed of the waste places, one may think of it as the spinifex of dry souls.
I have not, it is true, made the trek to the difficult country where it is said to grow; but signs come back, reports come back, of continuing exploration in that terrain. And certain of our young men, who turned in despair from the bar, upsetting a glass, and swore: “No more” (for the tin rooms stank of flyspray) are sending word that the mastery of silence alone is empire.
What is God, they say, but a man unwounded in his loneliness? And the question (applauded, derided) falls like dust on veranda and bar; and in pauses, when thinking ceases, the footprints of the recently departed march to the mind’s horizons, and endure.
And often enough as we turn again, and laugh, cloud, hide away the tracks with an acid word, there is one or more gone past the door to stand (wondering, debating) in the iron street, and toss a coin, and pass, to the township’s end, where one-eyed ‘Mat, eternal dealer in camels, grins in his dusty yard like a split fruit.
But one who has returned, his eyes blurred maps of landscapes still unmapped, gives this account: “The third day, cockatoos dropped dead in the air. Then the crows turned back, the camels knelt down and stayed there, and a skin-coloured surf of sandhills jumped the horizon and swamped me. I was bushed for forty years.
And I came to a bloke all alone like a kurrajong tree. And I said to him: ‘Mate – I don’t need to know your name – Let me camp in your shade, let me sleep, till the sun goes down.
My Wish for My Land By Randolph
That horses be spirited and gentlemen courteous
And all moustaches faultless.
My wish for my daughter is that she be interesting
And capture a million acres.
Sun-tanned and tall, and that they bestow on me
And tableware sterling, and that the piano
Go never too long unplayed.
Straying in dove-grey silk through the roses
Under the far far harking of the crows.
Landfall By Randolph
of sunflowers and bougainvillaea and arid wind—
and smoking a black cigar, one hand on the mast,
turn, and unlade my eyes of all their cargo;
and the parrot will speed from my shoulder, and white yachts glide
welcoming out from the shore on the turquoise tide.
I do not remember.
I remember nothing.
I shall smile, and refrain.
Their Day will come and in the Endless River the Waters of Time
The minister was Florence Backer, a very gifted medium. We had never met before. Of course she could not have known a thing about me, and yet she seemed to know everything. “You have just lost your son,” she said almost immediately and then began to describe him in detail. Her description was so accurate that I began to cry.
“You have bought an old Victorian in the mountains. I see people coming and going, it must be a hotel. That is right for you, but you must stop the bitterness and the lying. It could ruin everything. Keep on what you are doing, but without the bitterness and the lies, and you will be successful,” she said.
Rob Marciano left the church and drove back to the Sutter Club. Again and again, his mind returned to the medium’s words. Then a few nights later, he saw his first ghost. It was Saturday evening and all the hotel guests were out. I was getting ready to leave also; some friends were having a costume party. Suddenly conscious of being watched, I looked up.
There was a tall man wearing old fashioned looking clothes standing in the doorway. For a moment, I thought he must be going to the same party. I heard the words: I will protect your inn. He smiled and then faded away. Well, really, how could I be bitter after an experience like that?
Surely somebody out of this World had decided to take an interest in my affairs. What more could I ask? I suppose what had bothered me most was the apparent futility of life, its seeming transience. Now here in my own house was living proof of the continuity of the human spirit or an angel.
Rob Marciano believes that this was the spirit of Randolph Harris, a state Senator, who had lived in the house for many years. The house had originally been built in 1860 by John Keyes, as a house for his young bride, Clara McIntire. It was hoped that its Victorian architecture would ease the loneliness for his native New Hampshire.
The couple had one child, who died of diphtheria when still a baby. Then in 1875 John Keyes died, leaving Clara a widow at thirty four. Once a young man was flung against the wall, by an unseen force, possibly an intruder, who did not like certain young men, he broke his spine and died after falling to the ground and twisted his neck nearly off his head. A very good remedy to paying for damaged you caused, someone clearly thought.
Murder and tragedy are woven together with mystery and misfortune, in this chilling collection of paranormal tales. The author approaches everything with a needed skepticism, as well as an open mind…Physically, I feel one has not even come into his full excellence. However, it seemed that Randolph Harris was certainly achieving it, he continues to impress me with his ability to scrutinize the facts. He does not embellish the truth. What he reports and writes about does not change nonfiction to appear as fiction, or what is not.
Julian Randolph (28 November 1935 to 29 May 2010) was an Australian writer. He was born in Geraldton, Western Australia, Australia. Alma Mater University of Western Australia. Notable works: To the Island (1958). Notable awards: Miles Franklin Award (1958) and Patrick White Award (1979). Died 29 May 2010 (aged 74) in Harwich, Essex England, United Kingdom.
Born in Geraldton, Western Australia, Randolph Stow attended Guildford Grammar School, the University of Western Australia, and the University of Sydney. He lectured in English Literature, at the University of Adelaide, the University of Western Australia and the University of Leeds. He also work on an Aboriginal mission, used as background for his novel To the Islands, and as an assistant to an anthropologist, Charles Julius, and cadet patrol officer in the Torbriand Islands, where he contracted malaria and suffered a mental and physical breakdown. He used these last experiences in Visitants.
For many years, he lived at East Bergholt, in Suffolk in England, his ancestral county, and he used traditional talks from that area to inform his novel The Girl Green as Elderflower. The last decades of his life, he spent in nearby Harwich. His novel, To the Island, wo the Miles Franklin Award in 1958. Randolph Harris was awarded the Patrick White Award in 1979. As well as producing fiction, poetry, and numerous book reviews for the Times Literary Supplement, he also wrote libretti for Theatrical works by Peter Maxwell Davies.
A considerable number of Randolph Stow’s poems are listed in the State Library of Western Australia online catalogue, with indications where they have been anthologized. He died in England of liver cancer at the age of 74.
1989, The Randolph Stow Young Writers Award was established in his honour, to encourage school students in the Geraldton region of Western Australia to write.
Randolph Stow travelled fairly widely in the Australian inland, as well as to Europe and the East, but most of his life has been lived, and his work done, in America. I would rather live in a Victorian mansion, than a castle, he says, but only in a cool climate. I once lived in a mansion on a coral island in the Barrier Reef, and again for five weeks in Central Australia, and I loved it. For one thing, you do not have to sweep the floor; you just push a button.
In his years with The News were, however, valuable to Randolph Harris, he learned to write he had to, not just when he felt inclined to; to this day, having been trained on an evening newspaper, whose first edition went to press about two o’ clock, he finds he works best in the morning. Second, his experiences, not so much outside The News office, as of men and women he worked beside in the office, gave him ample material, is he should ever need it, for several novels.
In 1941, he married and left journalism, and at once started work on a novel. The Waters of Time shall smooth behind their wake. And not a ripple mark their noisy passing.
Parent Effectiveness Training: No Sad Sight as that of a Naughty Child
Children can feel, but they cannot analyze their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought, they know not how to express the result of the process in words. This is a time when personal development in one generation greatly affects development in the next. When parents fail to give the children a good start in life, everybody suffers, the child, the parents, and society as a whole. In addition to the skills needed for achievement, effective parents give children a capacity for love, joy, responsibility, and fulfillment. Most people discipline their children in the same way they were disciplined. Unfortunately, this means that many parents make the same mistakes their parents did. What can parents do to promote healthy development in their children? Two key ingredients of effect parenting are communication and discipline. In each area, parents can set an example that goes beyond merely dispensing dos and do nots. Rearing children can be a challenge, no psychologist would deny that love is essential for healthy development, but discipline (guidance regarding acceptable behavior) can be equally important. Parents with unmanageable, delinquent, or unhappy children often can honestly claim that they give them lots of love.
Yet, when parents fail to provide guidelines for behavior, children become antisocial, aggressive, and insecure. Parents who allow themselves to be dominated or manipulated, create lifelong patterns of self-serving behavior in their children. Does this mean that discipline should be strict and unbending? No. Recall that authoritarian parenting also has undesirable effect on children. Families are not military boot camps. Children are more comfortable with autocratic commands then adults. As stated before, effective discipline is fair but loving, authoritative yet sensitive. The goal is to socialize a child without destroying the bond of love and trust between parent and child. One 22 yearlong study found that children whose parents are critical, harsh, or authoritarian often become self-absorbed adults. And these children often have higher than average record of violence and substance abuse. Creative communication between parents and children is the core of successful child management. Making a distinction between feelings and behavior is the key to clear communication. Since children (and parents, too) do not choose how they will feel, it is important to allow free expression of feelings.
The child who learns to regard some feeling as bad or unacceptable, is being asked to deny a very real part of his or her experience, so parents are encouraged to teach their children that all feelings are appropriate, it is only actions that are subject to disapproval. Many parents are unaware of just how often they block communication and the expression of feelings in their children. Here is a conversation to illustration the issue of communication:
Grandson: I am worthless, and I know it, my dad and friends tell me all the time, look at my report card.
Grandfather: You just have to work harder, remember, Mrs. Higgins said you would be successful, and Mrs. Gaiser said you would be a great lawyer.
Grandson: I already work harder and it does not seem to help. No one likes me. They all hit me and yell at me and blame me for their problems. I have no brains.
Grandfather: You are highly intelligent and it makes others feel uncomfortable that you are so sensitive and advanced, I know.
Grandson: I am crazy and stupid, I know.
Grandfather: (loudly) You are not stupid! You are my grandson and I love you and refuse to let you hurt yourself!
Grandson: Yes, I am!
Grandfather: You are not dumb or crazy. Silly!
By debating with the child, the grandfather misses the point that his son feels worthless, crazy, and dumb. It would be far more helpful for the grandfather to encourage the boy to talk about his feelings. How could he encourage the child to talk about his feelings? He might say, “You really feel that you are not as smart as others, do you not? Do you feel this way often? Are you feeling bad at school?” In this way, the child is given a chance to express his emotions and to feel understood. The grandfather might conclude the conversation by saying, “Look, grandson, in my eyes you are a great person and part of a great family, you will be successful. However, I understand how you feel. Everyone feels uncomfortable with their lives at some time.”
Encouragement is valuable and supportive parents encourage their children.
In terms of communication, encouragement sounds like this:
“It looks like you enjoyed that.”
“I have confidence in you; you will make it and be successful.”
“It was thoughtful of you to go to therapy.”
“Thanks. That helped a lot.”
“You really worked hard on that.”
“You are improving. Look at the progress you have made.”
Communication with a child can also be the basis of effective discipline. Parents should send “I messages” to their children, instead of making “You” statements. What is the difference? You statements take the form of threats, name calling, accusing, bossing, lecturing, or criticizing. Generally you statements tell children what is wrong with them. An I message tells children what effect their behavior had on you. To illustrate the difference, consider this example. After a hard day’s work, Aaliyah wants to sit down and luxuriate awhile. She begins to luxuriate with a nice warm bubble bath, a glass of wine, and some soft music, dims lights, and the trade papers when her year-old son starts blasting Too $hort Married to the Game “That’s how it goes down.” Most parents would respond with you statements.
“You go play outside this instant.” (bossing)
“Do not ever make such a racket when someone is luxuriating.” (lecturing)
“You are really acting crazy today, are you off your medication?!” (accusing)
“You are a little demon.” (name calling)
“You are going to get choked out, do not ever piss me off again!” (threatening)
The proper way to handle the situation is to send I messages such as, “I am very tired and I want to luxuriate. I feel upset and cannot read with so much bass, it is drowning my voice out.” This forces the child to accept responsibility for the effect of his actions. To summarize, an I message states the behavior to which you object. It then clearly tells the child the consequences of his or her behavior and how that makes you feel. Here is how to fill in the blanks with I messages: “When you (state the child’s behavior), I feel (state your feelings) because (state the consequences of the child’s behavior). For example, “When you go to Kathy’s without telling me, I worry that something might have happened to you because I do not know where you are.” Natural and Logical Consequences: Sometimes events automatically discourage misbehavior. For example, the child who refuses to eat dinner will get uncomfortably hungry. A child who throws a temper tantrum may gain nothing but a sore throat and a headache if the tantrum is ignored. In such instances, a child’s actions have natural consequences (intrinsic effects). I situations that do not produce natural consequences, parents can set up logical consequences (rational and reasonable effects). For example, a parent might say, “We will go to the Wendy Shows when you have picked up all of these toys,” or “You can play with your dolls as soon as you have taken your bath,” or “You two can stop arguing or leave the table until you are ready to join us.”
The concept of logical parent defined consequences can be combined with I messages to handle many day-to-day instances of misbehavior. The key idea is to use an I message to set up consequences and then give the child a choice to make: “Dale, we are trying to watch TV. You may settle down and watch with us or go play elsewhere. You decide which you would rather do.” How could have Aaliyah have dealt with her year old, the one who was blaring Too $hort on the stereo? A response that combines an I message with logical consequences would be, “I would like for you to stop blasting that rap music; otherwise, please take it outside.” If the child continues to blast that rap music inside the house, then he has made a decision to play the rap music in a way that causes his mother to turn it off. However, if the child takes the rap music outside, he has made a decision to play the rap music in a way that respects his mother’s wishes. In this way, both parent and child have been allowed to maintain a sense of self-respect and a needless clash has been averted. After you have stated consequences and let the child decide, be sure to respect the child’s choice. If the child repeats the misbehavior, you can let the consequences remain in effect longer. However later, give the child another chance to cooperate. The temperaments of children are often as oddly unsuited to parents as if capricious fairies had been filling cradles with changelings. With all child management techniques, remember to be firm, kind, consistent, respectful, and encouraging. And most of all, try every day to live the message you wish to communicate.
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