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It is a Wonderful Life
Early love is frequently ambitious in choosing its object. People may love you for your body or name, but your face and eyes are the beautiful talents that brought you to fame. You are thunder and lightning before the rainstorm. Although it is a glimmer, it arouses my courage to wrestle with wind and rain. Glorious histories do not limit you today. Ages do not become your constraint for your aims for the far future. We are not wise in the contempt of others, but in calm approbation of ourselves–it shows the wisdom and tolerance of the star. The most perfect being, you are, and with love life will bloom. Never judge the heart of a wit by the tongue. Be wise, and that wisdom shall be a God unto thee; be contented, and that is thy Heaven. I see a crystal-like heart through your blue eyes and blonde hair. When I stumbled and required supporting, who told me beautiful stories and walked me through the park, kissing my hurt—you. It takes years and maturity to make the discovery that the power of faith is nobler than the power of doubt; and that there is a celestial wisdom in the ingenuous propensity to trust, which belongs to honest and noble natures.
May my blessing be your clean spring for your thirsty heart on this voyage, sweet comfort when you have trouble and beautiful flowers at your victory meeting. With your love and my affection, we will build an impeccably happy life. There is still beauty in the World. What you do not see in yourself, others see in you, you do matter. You will remember today as your darkest day, and tomorrow better, and the day after better still, you will go on. Let the Sun and blue Sky, clouds wake up the hidden memory, several words in the letter bring my regards to the faraway lover. In this silvery World, the white snowflakes are my missing and blessing for you, the angels of the snow. How brilliant and tender is the moon on the night when you bid the moon a goodnight. Only someone with a tender heart would say such a kind thing to the diamond in the sky. May your life be filled with happiness and ecstasy. The World was made for you. In this society, we must have something to endure, as well as to enjoy. My affairs are in the hands of him who guides the planets in their course, and who causes the Sun to shine.
They first think of the Sun when the people surprise at bright color of rainbow. I first think of you when I open my eyes. Divine understanding attends me on the way, and I shall not be hindered in my work. My affairs are controlled by perfect intelligence, and cannot be hindered from expression. I know that all that I do is done from the one motive: to express life; and love will be expressed in and through me. I cannot hinder it. I am controlled by intelligence. We are all very much alike when we are in our first love. Perfect love has a breath of poetry which can exalt the relations of the least-instructed human beings. Love is a stronger passion than vanity. I am inspired in my work from on high with lofty ideals, and my thought is illumined by the all-knowing one. May your Christmas be filled with special moment, warmth and happiness, the joy of loved ones near, and may the blessing of the day last throughout the year. Love dissolves all fear, casts out all doubt and sets the captive free. The poems are the words I want to speak to you. I am missing you silently. Keep the best things in memory and give you my blessings. I wish you a happy New Year and a merry Christmas. Love is in all things a most wonderful teacher. We have been so blinded by thinking and feeling that we have never seen the World. The purer the beauty, the more it will be out of the World. Endless love and blessing for you. You are the most cherishable Christmas present and everything to me forever.
I Know what you did Last Summer with those Secrets and Lies!
I know what you did last Summer is a cautionary urban legend that take place in North Carolina and is about what happened to four high school seniors, after they violated the Ten Commandments in the Bible. Berry Cox, Helen, Julie, and her boyfriend Ray go to a beach to celebrate the 4 July, in 1996. Helen was just crowned as she won a beauty pageant. As Julie, Ray, and Barry watch her get her crown, Ray comments on how big her breast are, and Barry tells him, “She does exercises to pump them up.” Ray and Julie are in a relationship, and Helen and Barry are in a relationship, and by talking about another man’s woman, Ray is committing adultery, which is a violation of the seventh commandment. Barry is a rich kid and has a brand new 1996 BMW 328i sedan, with factory chrome rims, leather, and tinted windows. The car is on fleek! While at the beach, Barry has a few drinks. This particular 4th of July is supposed to represent the Sabbath, although it takes place on Thursday, 4th July 1996, in the film. They are having fun and telling horror stories about a man being decapitated, and ended up with a bloody hook for a hand. Ray thinks these are true stories and explains that, “Urban legends are American folk lore, they all usually originate from some real incident!” The teens blow him off and Julie decided to lose her virginity to Ray. This is a violation of the fourth commandment of God, which states, “Honor the Sabbath day, and keep it holy” premarital sex is considered a sin.
After the night presses on, everyone is ready to leave, Barry’s friends do not want him to drive home, so his girlfriend Helen convinces him to let Ray, who has not been drinking, drive his brand-new BMW. However, Barry knows he is not supposed to let anyone drive his car, he even replies, “Nobody drives my car, but me.” The BMW is a phallic symbol and by letting Ray drive it, he is symbolically allowing himself to be castrated. Barry is also disrespecting his father, by allowing Ray to drive his car, which is a violation of the fifth commandment, which states, “Honor thy father and mother, and your days on this Earth will be long.” The teens should have called someone to pick them and the car up, as it was about a $60,000.00 car. As Ray is driving, Barry pops his head out of the sunroof, and they hit a man crossing the road, Barry gets blood all over his face. By driving Barry’s BMW, Ray, who is from a humble background, violates the second commandment, which states, “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.” In this commandment, the Lord condemns the worship of idols Ray is worshipping Barry’s phallic symbol by driving a car that was not meant for him, and that is why he accidentally hits the man who was crossing the road.
The teens then get out of the car, Barry screams, “Jesus Christ, my fucking car! My dad is going to kill my ass.” Julie takes a few steps away from the car, finds a man’s rain boot, black in color, on the side of the road, she screams, “Oh my God! Oh my God! This isn’t happening!” Just then, Barry and Julie violate Commandment three, which states, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain.” As the teens are in a panic, Ray walks over the to the body and looks at his face, “I think he’s dead. His face is all messed up. What was he doing out here?” The teens drag what they think is a lifeless body down the pier, they have just violated the sixth commandment, “Thou shalt now kill.” As the teens are trying to figure out what to do about the body, another teenager Maxx comes along the road driving his truck. Maxx, however, does not see the man Ray hit with Barry’s BMW and Maxx comments on how the car, “Don’t look so new anymore” and tells Ray, “You almost got that rich boy act down.” Ray also broke a commandment in the Bible, he drove Barry’s BMW and this violates the tenth commandment, “Thou shalt not covert—envying something that belongs to another.”
After Maxx drives away, everyone convinces Barry that he will be charged with murder because it is his car that hit the man, even though he was not driving. Ray tells Barry, “There is liquor all over the car, no one will believe I was driving. You will go to jail for manslaughter.” The entire group just violated the ninth amendment to the ten commandments, which states, “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” No one wants to dump the body in the ocean, and Ray says, “Pretend it is an escaped lunatic with a hook hand, and we are doing everyone a favor. Helen is the only one brave enough to push the body in the ocean, as she does, the man comes back to life, for a moment, and grabs the homecoming crown off of her head. Barry has to jump in the water in retrieve the crown. The man the teens hits violates the eighth commandments by stealing Helen’s crown off of her head, “Thou shalt not steal,” and he pays for this sin later in the movie. After the body is dumped in the ocean, everyone, but Julie agrees not to mention the crime ever again. However, because Julie is tripping and acting skittish, Barry grabs Julie by the arms and makes her promise to take the secret and lies to the grave with her. Ray convinced Barry he was going to be charged with a crime because Ray is poor and did not have family or money to get out of it. Julie was worried that she would lose her scholarship. Helen is also rich, like Barry, but was trying to look out for him.
The friends all lose touch, Julie goes away to college and does poorly. A year later, when she returns home, she finds a letter, when she opens it, the letter says, “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” Then Maxx, the nosy teen, is the first to be killed by the serial killer. Not only did the group violate the ten commandments, but by losing her virginity on the beach, Julie opens up Pandora’s box, which releases evil unto them. It is so secret or lie that Helen loves her hair, after the teens know someone is stalking them and knows what they did, she returns home. While she is pouring herself a soda, someone sneaks into her house, and she unknowingly follows him up the stairs, as her sister, Elsa is talking to her and asking her to come to work to help open the store, Helen refuses and sits on her bad and keeps brushing her long golden locks. Elsa tells Helen, “You and your hair—just so pathetic. So very pathetic.” Helen violates commandment one, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” When she wakes up the next day, someone cut her highly coveted hair off, and when she looks in the mirror, the word “Soon,” is written across it. While at the gym, Barry takes a shower, then he gets out of the shower to find his jacket has been stolen out of a locker, and that there is a picture of his car with the words “I Know,” written on it. As he tries to find out who is stalking him, Barry goes outside, and someone gets in his BMW and hits he with it, Barry flies through a wall, blacks out and wakes up in the hospital. The movie goes on to detail how these teens are all tormented and murdered by a fearsome creature. “Children should be here having fun, partying, running people over, and getting away with murder.”
Secrets and Lies—Death Sometimes has Power Beyond our Understanding!
Early love is frequently ambitions in choosing its object. Mentors take on many forms and serve several functions in their scholar’s lives. By sharing their experience, role models not only pass on their skills, knowledge, and confidence, but they also benefit from the act of helping to raise another individual to become a success. Psychosocial development—is a series of stages by which people grow and personality changes over the course of a lifetime. It is best to help shape the life of a young person when they are children, before adolescents, because they have not experienced wanting to rebel, and this is when the adult gets the most out of contributing to future generations. Of course, if you were able to isolate a young adult, then you still have time to groom them into the person you want them to become.
Sometimes people think more highly of the person they are mentoring if the person is not involved in an adult relationship. When you look at them you do not want to envision them in the throes of passion with another. In Secrets and Lies, Ben Crawford is a renowned mentor to his friend Dave, who lives in the guest house, his two daughters, and Tom Murphy. However, many people seem to suspect that Ben Crawford is very fond of Tom Murphy, and this is possible what contributes to the murder of the boy. Mentoring involves someone helping another to progress in career and in life. Some key components shape mentoring and differentiate it from other process, such a didactic training, supervision, and interpersonal relationships, like friendships:
Mentoring is professional in nature, related to work or career. Knowledge is transferred through the process. The mentor provides psychosocial support (relating to one’s psychological development in, and interaction with, a social environment) and social capitol (a collective value with inclination that arise from these networks to do things for each other; a form of reciprocity. Communication is face-to-face and goes beyond the bounds of a formalized training program (such as a class or online course). The relationship is ongoing. One participant is the mentor and possess more relevant knowledge, wisdom, or experience than the other participant, the mentee or protégé.
For a relationship to be considered mentoring, it has to take place outside the confines of a traditional classroom learning. Ben Crawford used to run every morning, by Cape Fear River. He used to see Tom Murphy, and smile at him. The night Ben Crawford goes to visit Tom Murphy, the night before his murder, in scenes that were edited from the original script, Tom tells Ben that, “When my dad was gone, and I used to see you run by me, I would fight back my smile, but when you would pass, there would be a grin in my face as big as the one on the Cheshire Cat in Alice and Wonderland, and I would want to run into your arms and hug you.”
The relationship between Ben Crawford represents the most intense and powerful one-on-one developmental relationship, entailing the most influence, identification, and emotional involvement. Specific advantages of mentoring include organizational socialization, employee integration, managerial succession, and reduced turnover. Ben Crawford is the owner of his own painting and design company, and his daughters do not want to go into business with him, so he desperately wanted a son. The socialization Ben provides Tom, who is effectively orphaned at a very young age, by his alleged father, provides some semblance of a real father. The model Ben Crawford uses ingrains the ethic of collaboration, rather than pushing Tom to act alone all the time. Ben Crawford spends more time with than boy than anyone else in Tom’s life, and this is to form a real bond. Their relationship is not based on money, but the time they spend together.
Research has shown that individuals who are mentored make substantial gains, compared to those who are not mentored, in areas like career progress and professional skills. Not all people in Ben Crawford’s life seem to appreciate him, nor his relationship with Tom Murphy. The television series suggests that Ben and Tom are telepathically linked. There are deleted scenes where Tom and Ben seem to have an understanding and communicate without speaking. For example, Ben gets all dressed up and walks right past Tom like he does not see him, and Tom’s feelings are hurt. Tom understands that Ben did this because when his alleged father, Scott Murphy comes home from the military, Tom runs right past Ben and into the arms of Scott. Tom seems to have learned a mind trick or two, and probably will never fully realize his promise without Ben’s guidance.
Mentoring does not just help the mentee. First, mentors get the gratification off having developed the next generation. Christy terminated her pregnancy and Ben wanted a son, so he gets to experience what it would have been like if she had carried the baby to full term. Ben enjoys the respect and recognition he gets from Tom Murphy. In addition, mentoring has been shown to advance a mentor’s career. Training someone else reinforces the mentor’s own knowledge and helps their skills stay sharper. Working with Tom helps motivate Ben and he is able to get more work done. Mentoring Tom is also supposed to help Ben establish a legacy to live on, and will also fulfill paternal needs.
Mentoring provides wish fulfillment. Vicariously sharing the student’s successes can help the mentor enjoy experiences and achievements has not personally undergone. An example is when Ben is there for Tom when he loses his first tooth, and they sit in Tom’s room and tell each other how much they appreciate one another. Ben also identifies with Tom because Tom reminds him of himself. The accomplishments of one generation have to add to the reverence for those who pave the way. Tender love should show itself by tender conduct.
What one should walk away with is learn to enjoy your relationships and make best of people in your life. We never know how long we will be here, or when we might lose someone we care about. It may be that the love which is stronger than death has a power sometimes to make itself heard and felt through the walls of our mortality, when it would please for the defenseless ones it has left behind. Why should you love an unseen and distant Being more then you do one who you can feel and see, who holds you in his arms, whose heart beats like your own? When you lose someone you love, it makes you hold on to those in your life even tighter. Lord, what a thing love is!
Secrets and Lies—Never Mind Love
Love is involuntary. He was a man who might be loved; –but he was hardly a man for love. Why do people fight battles that they cannot win? Why do people persist when the odds are against them? Ben Crawford is expected to fail; he is given little hope of victory. Usually, when people are facing challenges, support for them increase, expect if they are accused of a crime. What inspires Ben Crawford to stand up for what he believes in, while staring death in the face? One night when Ben awakes on the couch, Scott Murphy is standing above him and threaten to kill him if he does not go to prison. Many people feel empathy for Ben and want to see his named cleared because they feel like he is a victim of injustice. When Ben, Dave and his family are setting up the Christmas lights in the house, Ben goes to the truck, and finds a flashlight with blood on it and he hides it in his garage. To hide the flashlight, Ben wraps it in a gift box like a Christmas present. This is an attempt to hide evidence out of fear that he will be punished. Individual at the preconventional level judge the morality of an action by its direct consequences. Ben’s primary motive is to conceal the evidence, as he is being framed for murder, and buy time to figure out who killed his son, Tom Murphy. Those are heroic-seeming actions because this is not just to avoid punishment, but to give an innocent soul peace. Ben Crawford is confronted with how long a person can tolerate oppression and suffering. Despite the threats of death, suffering, and lack of compassion, Ben has found a cause worthy of elevating his courage, convictions, and virtues. His purpose is to serve the greater good. Meanwhile, detective Cornell confronts Ben about how he called Jess, Tom Murphy’s mother, the night Tom was killed. Ben admits he mistakenly called a wrong number and left an ominous voicemail, now in detective Cornell’s possession. To make matters worse, Ben cannot remember what he did the night of Tom’s death.
What are the specific strength and virtues of psychology that can be attributed to standing against tyranny at all costs, and are these character strengths exhibited by Ben Crawford? Two significant qualities exhibited by Ben are both courage and humanity. Ben receives a threatening text message from an unknown sender, after the word guilty is scratched into his car, and a trail of blood leading to his garage. He discovers dozens of flashlights carefully placed in rows inside. Detective Cornell offers him police protection, but Ben declines. A second character value and virtue that may help explain why people Ben Crawford continues to fight the opposition in the face of mounting defeat is humanity. After being Kidnaped and tortured by Kevin, Ben’s neighbor. Regardless of pain, suffering, or loss, Ben Crawford will not stop helping and caring for others regardless of the risk to his own live. Detective Cornell visits Ben to show him a video from the taxi he took to Jess’s house the night Tom died. Dave confesses that he drugged Ben’s drink the night of Tom’s death, while they were at the bar. That night Ben was waving around a picture of his terminated baby, which is why detective Cornell thought he knew Tom was his son. Ben finds Tom’s tooth in his pocket, which leads him to remember everything that happed that night. He also remembers the call he placed that night, to Jess, was to let her know he was sorry if Christy confronted her about the affair they had on the 4 July, when Christy had an abortion.
Ben Crawford admits that he went to Jess’s house the night of Tom’s murder because he saw Tom’s tricycle laying in the driveway and moved it. Ben sees that Jess is in the house sleeping and lets himself in. Tom awakes because he had lost a tooth, so Ben puts him to bed, tells him he wishes he was his dad, and takes the tooth for the tooth fairy. Psychology often is associated with cultivating happiness in a person’s life, courage, humanity, and altruism which provides a strong foundation for the bound to a cause worth fighting for even against tremendous odds. Perhaps there is no greater fear among most human beings than the fear of suffering and death. When given the opportunity, most individuals take steps to escape, avoid, or reduce the likelihood of death. Ben Crawford is so caring and loving and brave. Although he looks guilty of the murder of his son, it is hard to believe that he would kill the boy. Ben fights against all odds to find out who ended this boy’s life because he metaphorically sees this as his own death, and so fear ceases to exist. Life is so precious that I hope you all find an appreciation for your life and the lives of others. Ben Crawford loses someone he really values, and he is guided by his moral reasoning to find justice, courage, and humanity. He has resolved his own fear of death. Regardless of the outcome, Ben has what it takes to keep fighting despite the odds being stacked against him, that is how deep his love is for this boy. Love is better than a pair of spectacles to make everything seem greater which is seen through it.
The Climate of Courage
If we felt quite as poignantly for others as we do for ourselves, there would be no supporting life. Distress tolerance refers to an individual’s ability to regulate one’s emotions during a stressful event. Not everyone shares your passion for dead leaves. A man without sensibility exhibits no sign of a soul. People who struggle with distress tolerance are more likely trying to avoid unpleasant goals and values when they are distressed. Painful emotions, such as fear, can lead to impulsive decisions, self-harm, and aggression. Nothing renders the soul so callous and insensible as the searing brands of infamy and disgrace. People who are more prone to distress appear to have brain activity different from that of people who are less prone to it. The amygdala is the part of the brain that is most related to emotion processing and the fear response. This structure seems to be more active in some than others. The senses, no less than the soul, have their spiritual mysteries to reveal. In fact, by studying an individual’s amygdala activity levels, scientists are able to predict the likelihood of that individual’s development of anxiety and depression disorders as far as four years in advance.
The man who has ceased to respect himself must look for no respect from others. Sometimes we all momentarily experience the seductive allure of the dark side: the feeling of anger and invincibility. However, as God’s people, we value mercy and impulse control. Effective mental treatment is propelled by a consciousness of love and a realization that the creative spirit is always at work. Mental or spiritual treatment should bring into actual manifestation the healthy and happiness which are humankind’s normal and divine heritage. The emancipation of the mind from every bondage will allow your heart to beat with joy and gladness. Relaxation techniques that incorporate mindful breathing can reduce the physical sensations associated with a variety of negative emotions, including anxiety, tension, and anger, helping people to regulate those emotions. By using these techniques one can regulate their emotions and regain enough focus to remember your personal priorities. Ultimately, it is your connection with your values that allows you to regulate your emotions over some excruciating loss in order to avoid giving in to temptation and acting impulsively. This will allow one to control their emotions, instead of being controlled by them.
Though the Scriptures obliges me to remain contented, it does not enjoin me to shut my eyes to my own merit, nor restrain me from seeing when I am injured by an unjust comparison. A person’s values and ability to tolerate distress and uncertainty can play a role in whether than individual can be manipulated. In certain circumstances, people who are normally fundamentally good can commit thoughtless or even cruel acts. When people are influenced by an authority figure, they are more likely to commit an act that goes against their moral values than they would be otherwise. Sometimes an authority figure might offer someone a cash incentive to manipulate the emotions of another person because when a person is upset, he or she is more likely susceptible to a suggested behavior. When a person believes that he or she can avoid a negative emotion, one is more likely to take the action to reduce the chance of distress. So if you suspect someone you are in a relationship with is manipulating you for financial gain or status, you would break up with them. You might be wondering, why would someone manipulate a loved one, for an authority figure, for money? What about the safety of the person they love? Well, the economy is bad, a lot of people are not making enough money. They think they know their spouse well enough to know that they will not harm themselves. However, the authority figure knows that when individuals lose their identity, they are more likely to at in accordance with their assigned role.
Experiments like the MKUltra project is a mind control program. The program is illegal and some sectors of the government experiment on humans by torturing them in order to weaken the individual. The program began in the 1950s, and engaged in many illegal activities. The purpose was to use numerous methodologies to manipulate a person’s mental states and alter brain functions, including the administration of drugs and other chemicals, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, isolation, verbal and sexual abuse, as well as various forms of torture. The goals of the experiment were to introduce substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the test subject would be discredited in public. Administer substances which will increase the efficiency of mentation and perception. They would sometime give test subjects materials which would cause the victim to age faster or slower in maturity, and promote the intoxicating effects of alcohol. They would also try to weaken people, make them dependent on others, and cause amnesia. The best way to reduce unwanted influences is to be mindful analyze the consequences, and take responsibility for one’s actions, rather than blindly following authority, and remain true to your values. Even when you are not completely able to control your environment or the people around you, remind yourself of your loving and protective parents. It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. When nature biddeth thee to be good and gentle to others, she commands thee not to be cruel and ungentle to thyself. Love is a union of loveliness with truth.
The Great Escape–Reach for the Sky!
Among the most important values that children of God must adhere to are altruism, mindfulness, and a connection with love. However, sometimes in life people will do things just to hurt you. Although altruism, or selflessly helping others, is related to improved mental health, it can also hurt you. I met someone who was having a hard time in life, and wanted to help this person for only 30 days. Then person ended getting attached and putting a guilt trip on me. This person promised that if I kept being supportive, that they would eventually return the favor. So then this situation no longer became altruism, someone ended up taking advantage of my courage and dedication for helping others.
I am sometimes driven by my ambition in an addictive sense. I see progress and refuse to stop. Research on altruism suggest that people who remain mindful and true to their values of helping others are more likely to experience good emotions such as love and joy while helping others, but that is not always true. I personally have been having a little bit of a challenge dealing with a few people for a while, but things got kind of complicated this weekend. Someone I love and care about very much passed away 11 years ago, last Friday, 4 December 2015. It was such a shock to me, I had known him all of my life. My sister and I were at a wedding reception, and we got the call the someone close to us was sick, he went to the hospital, and then three days later he died.
So on Friday, for some reason, I guess because the anniversary of his death came up, I got lonely, and went to a friend’s house. We had a couple of drinks and then someone started talking about the passing of my loved one—we never talk about it anymore. And he just kept going and would not stop, I went numb and was not sure how I was going to react, so I left. And then I got home and I was so sad, I felt a void, and I felt how temporary life is and how when someone leaves the Earth, they do not return. Research on mindfulness (noticing the experiences in the in the present moment rather than fixating on the past or the future) suggest that people who practice mindfulness are more likely to be altruistic and to exhibit better mental health.
However, just a few days ago, I was talking about how I am too old to cry. Yet, I cried so many times this weekend, and then had a few bottles of wine to myself, that I was concerned about my own well-being, this is so out of character for me. Then my neighbor told me another one of my friends passed away just a few days ago. So it really left me feeling floored. Then last night, I went for a walk, as I usually do, and the person I have been interested in, for a while, just walked right past me. And I was like, okay, well, nice to see you. Came home and had a few more drinks. Although it seems like I may be developing a problem, I recognized that before anyone else noticed. People who are mindful and those who follow their values are less likely to develop PTSD and are more likely to recover from addiction, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.
when you are kind of an anchor in people lives, it would really hurt them to see you suffer and go down a blackhole. My body is a temple of God and I refuse to abuse it, so I have to remove the toxic elements from my life. Then I woke up at 3am, and cried again. And it was because of some things that happened to my sister, and I just do not understand how these things can happen? So then I went online and the person I was interested in was posting on social media how they were out with this other guy and the two of them are posting pictures of each other sharing a chair together and sitting extra close in the car, and I am like okay…it is time for me to let this go.
People who are impulsive are more likely to be driven by immediate gratification, are more likely to struggle with their academic commitment, and may be more likely to struggle with regulating their emotions. I have seen other people, like my sister, be mistreated by guys, and I tell her, “You are too young and too pretty, and can do better,” and I really mean it. So I got to thinking, I do not want to end up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning or potentially over dosing on a substance like others have, so I am going to stop being so understanding. This person I am kind of seeing has been doing nothing, but upsetting me for the past six months and things are not going to change, nor get better. I cannot control life, but I can control myself and move on.
When people know that you are having a hard time, and do nothing but add to it and never do anything sweet, they are toxic. Recently, I wrongly misjudged Jennifer Lawrence and called her a bitch because of how she acted toward someone, and also because she said that guys treat her bad. I was also upset that she selected her career over a relationship, and I could not comprehend it because I want a loving relationship. However, sometimes relationships are abusive and maybe guys are mean to Jennifer Lawrence and picking her career, over a relationship, may have saved her life. One of the principals of being a good Christian is not to judge others because God will make you understand their choices and decision by putting you through the same situations. I had become just like the people I say are foolish for staying in bad relationships. `
Love Yourself!
Sorry, we have to abandon Ben Crawford, he was too destructive and abusive to keep using as an enduring character, I do not support Ryan Phillippe, nor any of his work. If you knew what Ryan Phillippe was involved in, you would not be a fan of his. Sometimes we hear about blood sacrifices and celebrities setting others up to die to gain fame and fortune. Sometimes celebrities make a lot of money, and buy mansions they cannot afford and party like they have an unlimited supply of money, but as they get older, and their fame and fortune decline, they become desperate and will do some strange things for some change. Aaliyah Haughton was a rising star and very beautiful. She got involved with some dangerous people, she thought that this man really loved her, but he may have simply sacrificed her to gain fame and notoriety. Sometimes fame makes you a target, sometimes the images and words you are saying is something someone does not want to hear, or maybe you are part of a bloodline that someone wants to end. So there is a group out there that will tear your life apart and give people money to play with your heart strings and end your life for the promise that there will be financial gains for them. My message to you, even if you are not rich nor famous, you know what is right and wrong. If you are in a relationship with someone who is either physically or emotionally abusing you, let go of them. Your life is so very important. There are other people in the World who want to love you, so give them a chance. Once a person is gone from this earth, we cannot bring them back. So save yourself. Especially if you notice that they are involved with people who wish you harm, but then pretend to care, they do not. If someone really loved you, they would put your first, before money and fame.
Secrets and Lies—the Dark Side of Ben Crawford?
For a week, the amount of virtues in the old house would have supplied the neighborhood. A person fond of prying into the secrets of others is not fit to be trusted. Our emotions are complicated. Sometimes we do not even have the words to express accurately the way we are feeling. This inability to always translate our thoughts into words can be very hard for kids, especially for boys. An example of confusing emotions would be when someone is feeling both sad and angry. It would be hard to come up with words to explain the emotion. Even adults, like Ben Crawford, can revert to this childlike feeling, and that is seen when he is out for his morning job, and finds Tom Murphy, his son and a boy he cares for, laying on the ground in a pool of his own blood and lifeless. Someone gave Tom Murphy a sound blow, and sent him to feed fishes. We see and hear shock, anger, sadness, and fear all at once expressed in ben’s face and his tortured scream. Murder is wide-mouthed and will not let God rest till he grants revenge. We never choose to assign motives to the actions of men, when there is any possibility of our being mistaken. He who kills a man has all his sins to answer for as well as his own, because he gave him not the time to repent of them that Heaven designed to allow him. One model of understanding complicated and even competing emotions is to think about our emotions in four categories: mad, sad, worry, and happy. When mad, we are typically being blocked by something that has been placed in our way. Ben Crawford is mad that someone killed his son. The police blocked his way by ruining his reputation and wrongly accusing him of murder. However, worry for the safety family and the community is why Ben Crawford wants to find who the killer is. Worry is seated in Ben’s desire to control the unknown.
People are typically unable to control the past or the future, but those who remain firmly rooted in the present can manage their circumstances more effectively. Detective Cornell’s emotions initially cloud her judgment, and this focuses her mind and heart on the future, the past, and no on the present. She gained greater control over Ben Crawford through lies and deceit. If Ben Crawford had been more aware of his complicated emotions, he would have seen that people were using his empathy, love, and compassion against him as a method of ruining his life. Although Secrets and Lies is just a fictional miniseries, these characters are complicated, real, and relevant to our lives. Good people can be bad. Bad people can do evil things, but also have great intentions. Detective Cornell does some bad stuff because it is her job to make a crime fit the accused. Criminal law is a lot like Geometry, all that an investigator has to is come up with statements and reasons to prove someone is guilty, even if they are not. Reporters and police murder men’s reputations; and that is a worse sort of killing than the one of Tom Murphy. They make it impossible for him to live, stress him out every day, and even rip his family about because the media and police department are a business, and investigations are costly, so focusing on someone who looks guilty or that you can convince the people is guilty keep the business of selling newspapers and investigating crimes going.
Values—enduring beliefs about what matters most in life—can send people with strikingly similar backgrounds down divergent paths in life. The greater the importance a person places on a particular value, the more it will shape attitudes and therefore influence action. Even those whose values mostly mirror one another’s can go different ways and become at odds with one another over a single distortion in the reflection, one glaring dissimilarity in personal priorities. Despite their parallels, their differences make a villain of Ben Crawford, and a hero of him, yet a remaining shared value brings them together in the end. In no case, perhaps, is the decision of a human being impartial, or totally uninfluenced by sinister and selfish motives. These two different viewpoints of Ben Crawford, as a villain and a hero are guided by similar sets of values: Both are ambitious and have a great sense of adventure, both value protecting others, but one wants to conceal the truth. However, Ben remains a good person, although his intentions towards the end of the miniseries change. The psychological values can reveal much about the two different aspects of Ben’s personality, his judgment, and his ability to tolerate distress, and the external influences they encounter along the way. All these factors may play major roles in the personal development and transition of Ben Crawford, such as his respective decision to make a very difficult decision about the murder of his son. Our motives are always pretty badly mixed.
Secrets and Lies—Cape Fear River Blood Trails
Rising in eerie silence amid the lonely community of Wilmington, North Carolina, USA is the Crawford mansion. The ornate structure located in the seemingly quiet cul-de-sac of Chelsea Bay Drive—a montage of Gothic and Victorian architecture complete with window’s walk and classical columns—has stood vacant since mid-2014, a ghostly reminder of a colorful past. There is no shortage of secrets and lies in the neighborhood. The old house, now vandalized and dilapidated, was built in 1887 by Ben Crawford’s great grandfather, a German immigrant who amassed a fortune farming and shipping grain, and became one of the founding fathers of Wilmington. Six children were born and grew up there is apparent happy prosperity. The grandfather arrived in this county with $4 in his hand, died in the house—a very wealthy man. The house was eventually inherited by Ben Crawford, and once again it was a social mecca. Between the concert appearances with the Wilmington Symphony Orchestra, the Crawford’s entertained lavishly. The gala era ended with the death of an unknown guest in 2007, and the townspeople gathered and burned an effigy of one town resident. However, before the effigy was buried, it was found that Liberty still had a pulse, and celebration ensued. The house was then a focus of a series of disputes. Should the place be demolished, relocated or refurbished? Christy Crawford, Ben’s wife, reported she felt an energy in the house. The sound of crying late at night, lights that flashed on and off, uncanny cold drafts.
One night she came home and allegedly all the lights were off, as she approached the front door, it was 2am in the morning, and she heard the piano playing, then went back to her car and through the window saw a play man playing the piano in the dark. During the night, Mr. and Mrs. Crawford would be awakened by a child crying, but upon investigation they would find their children sound asleep. “Finally, I just came to believe that there was something in the house that I could not understand,” Christy Crawford admitted to detective Cornell, who was investigating her husband for a murder. Through the Crawford’s grew accustomed to their unseen housemates, friends did not. No one knows what part they played in the long history of the old mansion. The time came when no one would live in the house. Once a showplace, the windows were boarded up. Whether this was to keep the living out or the dead in, nobody was quite certain. What to do with the vacant, frequently vandalized home, was debated. Numerous schemes were formulated over the years. Jess Murphy secretly got pregnant with Ben’s baby, while Christy was away and planned to ruin their marriage and use the baby as ransom money to acquire and renovate the house. In an effort to find out what was behind the strange happenings, Christy Crawford held a séance in the house. Almost immediately she was confronted by the apparition of a hawk-faced man, the same man she saw playing the piano. One leg had been severed in a farming accident, the other crippled by arthritis. He was bitter, angry….
When researchers electrically stimulate the amygdala, individuals can immediately experience a fear response and demonstrate all the symptoms of fear, including sweating and a rapid hears rate. Human beings require the fear response especially when living in caves with lions, tigers, and bears as their adversaries. With the fear response, heart rate goes up, breathing quickens and becomes shallow, the stomach starts to turn, as blood flow moves to the area where it senses danger, placing one in a ready state to defend themselves. In the physical body’s effort to survive, it will attempt to control the external environment in any way possible even if that requires jumping out of the way of a car, fighting off a perceived attack, or seemingly levitating. In an increasingly stress-filled World, people’s bodies often invoke the fight-or-flight response as the biological self perceives an existential threat despite the absence of such a threat. Examples of this can include selling a haunted house and sneaking away to take a test that can result in sheer panic. An underlying propensity for anxiety or perfectionistic style can fuel the fight-or-flight response and makes one believe in the little “brain myths” that can cause us to think we must control variables that are far beyond our control. Stressed brains seek control over stressors, real or imagined, and that is why Christy Crawford seems too frigid. Apparently, she has some senses or intuition no one else is tuned into.
Christy and Ben Crawford are intriguing because as characters, they situations and formulations have that urgent, irrefutable quality that we call mythic; hence their presence affords a sense of spaciousness or wholeness. They become inviting and compelling, exactly like Biblical myths; we think easily of modern Job, Noah, and the Virgin Mary plays, of Satan figures in the miniseries, of the enlarging presence of the Cain and Adam motifs. The stories in Secrets and Lies become mythical and are wound into modern plots, these are the more comprehensive; they offer wider realms in which we move closer to totality. We come, then, to another matter in which the function of the Secrets and Lies miniseries has an affinity with the religious. With Ben Crawford, we have a perennial problem. When looking at his life and family, we are getting from a smaller to a larger sense of life. It is a human habit to be always, as we move from age to age, drifting into new constrictions; every new liberating perspective, like abortion, an extramarital affair, childbirth, and divorce imposes its own rigidities; in Secrets and Lies we flee from one half-truth through a wide-open for that turns out to lead us to another half-truth or brain lie. We run from the excessive spirituality of Charmed and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the nineteenth century) to the excessively physicality of the Secrets and Lies which could be set in the twentieth century. From hyper-genteel to the self-assured vulgar, from a strong sense of the unmentionable to the inability to stop mentioning it, from tiptoeing over the surface of life to being unable to get up to the surface from Cape Fear River. We are always influx, trying now this strait and now that.
Fortunately, there is help. Fear and the requirement to control external events repeatedly arise in Ben Crawford’s personality. He fears for his wife and feels the requirement to solve this murder of Tom Murphy to free her from social isolation. He also fears the loss and potential death of his daughters, after all, the killer is lurking in this Cape Fear River town. Ben Crawford embarrassingly challenges and reprimands detective Cornell so that this investigation will remain focused on not simply closing a case, but actually finding out who committed the crime to prevent it from happening again and again. Anger and frustration are clearly evident in Ben’s face. His heart is with Christy and cannot also be with Jess Murphy, his mistress. While Christy is “away” Ben Crawford loses sight of the mission because of his loneliness and fear from Christy’s safety. However, a real man is supposed to release his fear and not allow emotions to cloud his judgment. At every turn, Ben demonstrates his core fear and unreasonable goal setting. He repeatedly experiences the pull to save others to prevent bad things from happening. Ultimately, the variables that he strives to control grow into the most grandiose goal of all: the establishment of peace and righteousness throughout the community and World. As Ben attempts to control seen, unforeseen, and imagined tragic life and communal events, he experiences failure time and time again.
Ben Crawford fits the model of the pervasive perfectionist. He increasingly responds with anger and ultimately rage. He perceives himself as having failed his family by not having saved his son from the killer. Ben’s response to this perceived self-imposed failure is to react with rage in an attempt to seek moralistic justice by ripping the town apart until the killer is found. More failures ensue as Ben is exposed for having an affair with the neighbor, and this builds on his lack of control. Instead of looking inward, focusing on his emotions, and being mindful of the moment and his purpose, Ben externalizes and emotionally reacts with little thought to his underlying fears and anxiety. Over and over, he runs into variables he cannot control, and this plants more seeds of anxiety, doubt, and fear. Ben Crawford grew up in an abusive household, where he would be physically attacked for even minor infractions. For a child struggling to see the best in people, finding coping mechanisms, in the midst of his upbringing, was incredibly difficult. As an adult, living in the Victorian house, having a family, and being part of a once peaceful community, which he helped create, were the only things that made his life worth living. The familiar relationship between Tom Murphy and Ben Crawford is the most tortured I could imagine. Ben went from loving this boy as his own son, to being accused of his murder, and then finding out the boy is his biological child. The drive Ben Crawford displays to find the killer of his son and save his family has been a teary-eyed catharsis for me. The bond a father has with his lifeless son, even pervades death.
A letter from Ben Crawford (Ryan Phillippe) to his mythical son: It took me a while to translate why Ryan Phillippe also known as Ben Crawford has always been one of my favorite actors (characters). I remember seeing that movie Cruel Intentions, and my friend Nicole joked and said, “Look, someone has been spying on you and Heather and made a movie about your lives.” I felt a connection with Ryan Phillippe, and just dismissed him as a face that would remain unattainable, so why even focus on him? However, once I tried to put the puzzle together, it made sense. I just wish I would have had someone there to point it out to me sooner. That is why I tell this story often, to show that Secrets and Lies and Ryan Phillippe helps. And for the little boy I used to be, it was the only help I had. With love, fish is able to swim in the water and birds are able to fly in the sky and nights are as clear as days. Without love, life will be like a harp with broken strings and an antique crystal chandelier without gas, and it is cold even in Summer. Although my appearance is not beautiful, I am the tenderest person to you. I cannot forget your curved smiling eyebrows, which accompany me during the night. Years go by, but sincere love is left. How can I call you? Those withered trees in the Winter have sprouted the branches of Spring for they believe Spring comes and larks have sung songs—how can I call you? And although you seem not to know, it is I who has gotten you through these dark days, I have watched you all of your life. May we be stars in the sky of youth scattering whiteness and ever-lasting glory together. Our sincere love is smooth water of Cape Fear River, shining the Sun and the Moon in our hearts. A little regard, a deep missing, a thick love and a sweet memory. I am waiting for you the time you return silently. The person of one’s heart, the heart of a person. Even flowers and birds will be infatuated.
Secrets and Lies—the First Gay Teenager
Father and son myths attract huge audiences, the story of God, the creator of Earth and the Milky Way Galaxy, the Father of Christ is one of the World’s most ancient tales know to humans. God wanted desperately to bond with a son he did not know, who was taken away from him. Join me and we will have peace on Earth is what God told his son. The most magnificent and beautiful flowers in the World is youth and life. Dear son, may our youth and life glow as splendid light, and God created and Sun and the Moon. In this World, successful people are those who strive for the opportunity they want. If we cannot find any opportunity, we will create them for ourselves. You have infinite wisdom like spring and industrious hands. Dear son, luck and happiness will accompany you no matter where you are. Let us open the door of puzzles with the golden key of wisdom, and force our way into the palace of creation. The prowess of a sail shows all the more in storms and waves and the fun of life in ups and downs. May you sail through storms and waves and blaze a trail up to the summit! It is not the setback that is dreadful but the despair in failure and repentance. All can start a new, and hope lies just ahead. On the voyage of our life, everything will be old expect time. There is a red Sun greeting you everyday.
It is another promising day, please cherish it! On the long voyage of our life, every step is a test. However, making clear of one’s direction and aim, knowing one’s potentiality and stepping forward resolutely are more important. A river consists of many brooks and a high mountain piles up by thousands of tons of stone. Absorb nutrition from knowledge extensively. May we be as grand mansions as high as a mountain and as deep as a big river. Viewing Secrets and Lies for the first time was and is for many people a life-changing experience. Without a word, Ben Crawford’s mere presence bleeds ultimate power and fear. The moment you see his golden blonde hair and blue eyes, you knew you liked Ben Crawford. Ben Crawford is aspirational in his goal of community stability and peace. As the miniseries progressed, he went from being a God, to being more and more human. As a little boy, I could not understand what I was sensing about Ben. As my dad and I left the mansion that night in March of 2014, he held my hand. Squeezing it, he looked down and me and said, “You know that Ben Crawford was pretty cool.” I looked into his eyes, and hugged him, and agreed. Ben was cool. The actor, Ryan Phillippe, was in a movie called 54, and he inhabits my apartment sometimes as a testament to that coolness. One night he left his underwear.
How cool is it a murdering, planet-creating, prince-torturing (his son, I might add) machine of a man be cool? Cool is probably not the right word, but more important, I do not believe Ryan Phillippe was evil. Ryan Phillippe was not a bad guy. He was just very scared. Living under Hollywood rule has to be stressful. Freedoms are being undermined, the public is frantic, the existential threat of death is unleashed, and the knowledge that his character’s son has been killed or expelled offers little to no hope. The tiny rebellion has little chance against the Ryan Phillippe or the regional governors who holds his son captive in the basis of fear. Other threats are ever present from the community, bounty hunters, slavery, and bribery. Stress is omnipresent under the law. As Ryan Phillippe tells Randolph, there had been a sense of safety and hope when he was considered his guardian, they had peace and justice in the old days, before dark times…before they moved to Sacramento. In the present day, we may not be living in castle, but we could be living under another, more sinister menace that is walking among us every day. I require you to live with me so we can protect and support each other. In my private life, as a psychologist, I see a lot of scared kids and parents. More accurately, I sever the requirements of a lot of anxious people. As a community, we are working harder in our jobs now than at any other time in history. Levels of anxiety are the highest every reported. Individuals are reporting that 40 percent more stress is a reality in their households, and you worry and panic now more than when you had me in your life.
With me being under such intensive pressure and stress, the life of you—my son—is similarly under mounting pressure. Living in such conditions on an ongoing basis raises levels of anxiety to dangerous levels. People are simply trying to upset you to channel your anger so they can insult you. You are required to experience deeper human emotions like love and hugging, you must not always have been alone, you require my attention, the love awaits. You do not have to worry about it, I will never leave you alone. Chasity is a great virtue in a man. Last week, I went with you to the Tower, to see the crowns, and wild beastis; and there was a monstracious lion, with teeth half a quarter long; and a gentleman bid me not go near him, if I was not with my son; being as how he would roar, and tear, and play the dickens. Now I had no mind to go near him; for I cannot abide such dangerous honeymils, not I—but, you would go; and the beast kept such a roaring and bouncing, that I thought he would have broke his cage and devoured us all; and the gentleman tittered forsooth; but I will go to the ends of the Earth upon it, I will, that my son is as good a firchin, as the child unborn; and, therefore, either the gentleman told a fib, or the lion ought to be set in the stocks for bearing false witness against his neighbor.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an approach to psychological treatment that alters thinking patters and often times behavior as well, in people’s lives. CBT is used in an attempt to reduce anxiety-based negative thoughts and behaviours that interfere with successful living. CBT is the state-of-the-art tool for anxiety reduction. Anxiety can be paralyzing. It can make you feel that you are under an existential threat, but CBT can help. Then Ryan Phillippe tells me that he is my father, he created, and Secrets and Lies was about how he thought he lost me forever. Before beginning CBT session, my most frequently used too was an introduction to the true nature of Ben Crawford. As he is one of the best-known characters in World history, the majority of his followers, even little five-year-olds suffering from head trauma, have a good understanding of his story. The first episode of Secrets and Lies, anxious and fearful viewers being with a foundational question: “There is only one difference between Ben Crawford and Tom Murphy. What is it?” The most common answer to the question is, “Ben Crawford is God and Tom Murphy is his son.” However, I argue the point that Ben Crawford really loves this boy. His actions are clearly those of a father and he should be characterized as such, and those actions are motivated by something else. He is driven by a magnified emotion we all experience to one degree or another. Ryan Phillippe plays the role of Ben Crawford so well because he is motivated as he believes this is art imitating a portion of his life when he allegedly had a son while he was playing Billy Douglas on One Life to Live, in 1992.
Therefore, the correct answer to the question about Ben Crawford and Tom Murphy is where they place their sense of control. Ben Crawford attempts to control everything external to him, whereas Tom Murphy strives to demonstrate self-control and allow for humans to have free will. Ben Crawford wants peace and justice throughout the community and Milky Way Galaxy. He aspires to an admirable goal for sure. Ben Crawford so much desires and believes in a peaceful family and galactic future that he implores his son to join him on his quest to heal the Earth. Ben Crawford actually wants the same goal as Tom Murphy, but he pursues that goal in a manner that leads him down a frustrating, failure-ridden, and dark path. Ryan Phillippe, loved playing the role of Billy Douglas on One Life to Live. He said in real life when he tried to come out to his father about being gay, that his dad told him, “How could I understand something that is not possible, someone made you think you’re gay, where did you get this crazy idea? You aren’t gay, you can’t be, do you understand?” There is also claim made by Brandon Voss the guy who played Ryan’s boyfriend held his hand once or twice, and he felt lucky to play the first gay teenager on television, period. He and his mother used to get fan letters and read them together. People said they found Ryan Phillippe to be a gay icon, and one young man said that he had considered suicide before seeing a character like him and being accepted.
In his own words Ryan Phillippe says, “I also heard from a father, a mechanic, who hadn’t spoken to his son since he came out. When our show came on in his shop, it gave him some insight and understanding as to who his son was, so it opened up communication between them. As much as you can write off how silly the entertainment industry can be, it can affect change and make people see things differently. That’s beautiful. I’m aware of my gay following and I thank God for that. I’m very aware and appreciative because I started my career playing a gay teenager on One Life to Live when I was very young, I’ve always had a heightened sensitivity to that response, and I’m definitely considerate of the audience. That’s a beautiful creation; he’s mine.” Experiencing so many early life stressors must be very hard on young Ryan. His time on One Life to Live probably reinforces within him a deep-seeded sense that he is controlled by life circumstances. His Ultimate Phillippe unconscious conclusion could be that he has little control of his own destiny, and may reinforce his desire to seek control of his own destiny. Control of future events drives him. In its response to being controlled by so many factors, Ryan Phillippe’s nature is to attempt to control as much as possible, even things far outside his ability to control. When under stress, people tend to seek ways of gaining control, sometimes even using magical thinking. Before he leaves his mother to train as an actor, we get a clear glimpse into Ryan Phillippe’s heart, as he says, “I will come back and free you…I promise. If the heart is near, a long journey will be shortened; if you can free a heart from grief, your life will be well worthwhile.” Although the sentiment is beautiful, we are able to see the pressure this 16-year-old child places on himself. No child should feel that he is responsible for saving a little boy.
Perfectionism has been described as a kind of neurosis that pushes someone to achieve severe and exacting goals. A subtype of perfectionism in teenage boys has been identifies as “pervasive perfectionism.” Such individuals are very well organized and tend to set incredibly high personal standards. However, these individuals often react strongly and very negatively to mistakes in a way that results in angry outbursts or meltdowns. Pervasively perfectionistic teenage boys, like Ryan Phillippe, tend to have parents who have high expectations of them or are often very critical (think about Billy Douglas’s father with unreasonably high expectations). Having such a perfectionist manner of thinking leaves a person with unavoidable failure as nobody can be perfect, not even one who expected to bring balance to the life force. Having repeated experiences of failure and never feeling a sense of perfect completion can manifest and leave one feeling defeated, shameful, and guilty. Ryan Phillippe, as he turns to the dark side, surmises his dichotomous manner of thinking by saying, “I just thought about the gay friends I have and how potentially offensive that whole direction would be to them. I don’t feel there was any malice behind it, though, and I know Jay regrets it. We ended up going to a gay bar there, but I don’t even think anyone noticed me, I was kind of shocked. Maybe my gay fans are just better behaved than my straight fans. Who cares about being consider gay, man, in this day and age? Not like I’m going to fall in love with my son at a gay bar!” I am not math major, but what is Ryan Phillippe hiding from us and where is it? Ryan tells us for Christmas, he does plan to Reclaim what was taken from him so many years ago.
