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A Light Heart this Valentine’s Day
Your love is from the imagination, not the heart. Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it is important to do something for that special someone, to let them know you care. Love is an intellectual pleasure, and even the senses will be weakly affected where the heart is silent. People think that Valentine’s Day means you have to spend a lot of money on the object of your affection, but that is not true. My friend’s husband did the most romantic time-consuming things to show his wife how much he cares. This kind man took the time out of his life to write his wife 52 original notes about why he loves her. He put the notes in a jar, and she can open one every week, for a year, until next Valentine’s Day. This is so sweet to me and I would love it if someone did something like this. The couple is well off, but they know that gifts from the heart are what matter. I have talked to this man before, and I was impressed by him. He is very straight forward, nice, and a good guy, and they have the most adorable baby boy.
Love is the Heart of Harmony
Love is the heart of harmony, the connecting chain that links the whole frame of being; it is the glory of nature, and the very perfection of human kind. There are a myriad of reasons why each of us takes the same time we do to finally change our unhappiness in our relationships. It does not matter if you are sixteen or sixty—you can change your patterns if you want to. Something of the things we may want to change about ourselves comes from our own personalities, while others may have come from bad advice and incomplete solutions to solving the dilemma of intimacy. There might be a more miserable torture than to be solitary forever. Ever wonder why people hold hands of a loved one when they are in the hospital, in recovery, or getting over a break up? Think of having a single companion in eternity, and instead of having any consolation, or at all events variety of torture, to see your own weary, weary sin repeated in that inseparable soul.
There was a series of interviews conducted with people who had recently ended their relationships or become ill, and they had premonitions that they were going to die imminently. All the participants in the study succumbed almost precisely when they predicted they would. Although they differed widely in the seriousness of their conditions (some were not even in critical condition) all had one thing in common: they were lonely and isolated. Death held more appeal for these patients than did life because it promised either reunion with lost love, resolution of long conflict, or respite from anguish. Each patient was emotionally isolated during the final admission. Their loneliness was of several different kinds: one businessman had never known emotional intimacy; another man had exiled himself from his family. One woman had suffered successive deaths of her husband and members of her family; another woman had repudiated all but the most formal relationships throughout her life; a young girl had not only lost a close friend by death but was deserted by her physicians and family. So these people lost their will to live and they are no more as a result of the loss of loving relationships and contacts.
Human contact seemed to be all the more important to people in very intense environments, and it seems to be the factor that keeps them alive. A 40-year-old single man, called Ben Crawford, survived a heart attack said that he could not recognize a single familiar person on his street, where he had lived for several years. While Ben claimed to be only slightly lonely, he could only list a single person we were able to contact in case he suddenly moved. You always remember your love, but Ben did not seem to know anyone else who would be even slightly interested in him. However, Ben expressed that it made him feel very good to know someone was concerned about him, expressed the will to live, and that will is fueled by human concern and human companionship.
Secrets and Lies—Author’s Files on Dave Lindsey
The vigilante stalking Ben ups the ante and begins a dangerous game of cat and mouse. Desperate about his family’s safety, Ben begrudgingly accepts Detective Cornell’s offer of protection for Christy and his daughters, while refusing any police surveillance for himself.
Ben thinks he has managed to escape Cornell’s laser-like focus for a while, only to find that he is forced to re-live his past mistakes while fighting for his life, on “Secrets and Lies,” on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Brownie Harris) DAN FOGLER, NATALIE MARTINEZ
With star tattoos, a pop belly, and smelling like mutton the Dave Lindsey walked into my house with much sarcasm, crying about going bankrupt. He was dark and bitter, looking like the seedling of a drunk.
You know, the sperm of a man who spends long hours at the bar, and will hook up with anything that talked, this man looked feeble and weak, I wondered how he was able to get a job writing for TV shows, but then thinking about his dysfunctional childhood and adult life, it seemed plausible. Often times, damages people are the best at telling jokes. Nothing is so provoking as that a man should preach viciously and act virtuously.
The Dave Lindsey was a middle-aged script writer and performed a minstrel show at any comedy club that could put up with his smell. He drove women away because of his compulsive sarcasm and frequent bouts of anger, although one woman and sometimes men fell for his wit, and compelling sexual energy. The joker crashed and burned through many relationships and many friends in between.
Although each romance had its sparkling moments, inevitably, the women and men would leave him. Despite their early declarations of great love and affection, each one of Dave’s former wives, girlfriends, and buddies told him that they could not go on living in a state of defensive anxiety, formed to arm themselves against his constant irritability and harsh verbal attacks, and foul odors.
A saint abroad and a devil at home—in the company of his colleagues and grateful defendants, Dave was a different man, generous and fiercely protective in his defense of himself and the vulnerable.
Hypocrisy is capable of firmness to promote his ends. Even though Dave’s anger and sarcasm would still surface, he never attacked his colleagues nor clients in the same vicious way he went after his intimate partners, friends, and their family members.
Although Dave knew that he could not hold on to a relationship, for a long time, he claimed not to care. I heard he also has a son called Peter, so we let him stay in our guest house, until he could get his life together. As I soon discovered, from an intense painful moment, after Dave spiked my drink, everything may be dreaded from a hypocrite.
Secrets and Lies—Author’s Files on Ben Crawford
What vibe did you get in your secret heart? I cannot stress enough to parents, your daughters are special, but so are yours sons, and they also require love, protection, and understanding. I tend to erase it, erase it, erase it, keep trying, erase, keep trying, erase, and finally…well, let the observer make up more than I can represent.
My life is about quality. It is all about sweeping away, putting in…struggle, struggle, struggle and poof—masterpiece! Data on many leading causes of death rates from cirrhosis of the liver, among divorced white males and the general increase in death rates from this disease among all nonmarried groups (except single white females) suggest that unmarried individuals in general consume more alcohol.
There are marked increases in death rates due to motor vehicle accidents and “accidental fires,” with widowed men and women having four- to sevenfold increases in death rates from these causes. Suicide increases fivefold in the widowed white male and fourfold in the widowed nonwhite male and the white female, while death and homicide also increased dramatically.
This doubling of cancer of the respiratory system and then tenfold rise in tuberculosis among divorced white males suggest perhaps differential patterns of cigarette smoking had influenced the results.
Ben Crawford reported: I feel like a monster (in a deep voice). I do not really know what kind of monster. My relationships always start out fine, but then I realize it is not right for me. I end up feeling bad about it, but I just have to leave once I realize that she is not the woman I have been looking for. (There was a long pause, his eyes met mine. He looked like a little boy.)
It happens to me every time I get in a relationship. I cannot seem to stay with anyone. Women end up hating me. I hurt one woman after another. I know it is not their fault. There is something wrong with me, but I do not know what to do.
Analysis: Ben had issues of trying to be a perfectionist, someone everyone loved, and wanted to be, and thought was cool. His requirements for perfection made it impossible for him to find the partner he longed for. He told me his former wife is more like his best friend, and while he had a series of failed relationships, he described himself as his worst enemy.
Ben was not happy being a single man, but at the age of forty-one, he was about to give up. Ben recalled being a young and innocent baby-faced blonde, in his late teens. He desperately wanted to fit in with the other guys name make a name for himself in the entertainment industry. However, one night he had an encounter with several older guys at a bar. He remembered being beat up and tossed around like a rag doll, everything else was a blur.
Ben was fearful of others and suffered intense shame about his experience of being rolled. After his traumatic efforts to disclose what happened, he grew increasingly silent and withdrawn. His friends and family blamed him for the assault and even doubted his story, in spite of the bruises and medical bills. At that time there was no free medical insurance, he had to use his hard earned pay check to patch himself back up.
Some even suggested that Ben had been at fault because he had been partying like everyone else at the bar, and that he was a grown man and should have known what he was getting himself into. For years, Ben has complex and painful reactions to the entire traumatic experience, including the sense of betrayal he felt when those close to him blamed him.
Let us face it, Ben is a very attractive young man, with tan skin, blonde hair, innocent blue eyes, a smile to die for and his tan body is on fleek. Many people have never seen such an attractive young man before, he was the American dream, and sources say he had the nicest butt in legs they had ever seen. Some said he looked white, but had the features of a black man, and they found that extremely attractive.
People were looking to get with him or in him or have him in them. He was so hot, he was like the head cheerleader on the Eagles, but a man. Men and women could not keep their hands off of him. They would rip his clothes off of him like he was a rock star.
As he started to get emotional, Ben told me: I genuinely preferred being in a lasting relationship, if only I knew how to achieve that state. I have sets of extreme standards for myself, as well as others. I am traumatized by self-doubt, and a critical insider voice that never allows a partner to be good enough.
I have a hard time staying with anyone and making a firm decision to stay because I am driven by self-doubt and anxiety about making a mistake. A strong sense of fear paralyses me and I rush to judgmental thinking. However, I am longing for the gifts that only intimate relationships can bring. I want a close relationship in which I could give and receive comfort. I do not care about your eyebrows and my feet might stink sometimes, but if we love each other you have to accept that!
Ben continues: Last year, at this very time, I had been a wanderer, hopelessly without companions, and then you came back into my life, with a letter in your pocket, needing my help. I was darkly and passionately thrilled by all this, and I felt those Netflixs and chills again. I found myself in a cycle of initial delight about my beloved son, only to be followed by heart crushing disappointment. He allegedly never stay single for long, craving the hopeful period of the courtship stage and money. He was out letting people rip him. I was outraged! How could this be true?!
As each promising new day deepened, I felt like I was having a heart attack, and became angry, and eventually backed into a cloud of apologetic guilt. I had turned him into a young version of myself. He was drinking heavily, doing drugs, and allegedly having sex with older men for money. It broke my heart! I wanted to end him. I did not want him gassing and dipping out of nightclubs and turning more tricks than that circus act, that Robbery Fee mistral show.
I dealt with this fear by turning to an intensely critical insider voice that found fault with my former wife and my son. Not a masculine thing to do. Then suddenly there was an agitation in me so great that only lying alone, scrunched up on the bed crying, could comfort me.
Matthew Ryan Phillippe is really a hero. He took on the role as the first gay teenager on TV when he played the character of Billy Douglas on One Life to Live. At the time, being gay was not an easy thing to do. Matthew Shepherd was tied to a car, beaten, and then hanged on a fence. He is dead for being gay, and never did anything wrong. So to take on such a powerful role knowing the potential consequences was amazing.
Ryan probably kept others from killing themselves or being killed for being gay. Ryan is such a great actor and some of his best movies are White Squall, Chaos, Stop Loss, Straight A’s, Little Boy Blue, 54, Lincoln Lawyer, Flags of Our Father, Catch Hell, and a TV show called Secrets and Lies. This man should have earned an Oscar by now, he is one of the most talented and diverse actors in the World. Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington are not as talented nor good looking as Ryan Phillippe.
Ryan Phillippe is now started some kind of technology corporation that matches consumers with products, and you can also play games, win cool prizes and even interact with the determined young man. We are sure his new endeavor, called Deedle (TheDeedle.com) will be a huge success. This man is gold.
Secrets and Lies in the Rain
What is the use of a book without pictures or conversation? Ben Crawford was a self-employed carpenter and boat builder. His wife Christi was a real estate agent. Ben was obviously anxious, he was a tan, baby faced, blonde, with blue eyes. He ran his fingers through his luxurious hair, then crossed his arms, and stared at me with his deep blue eyes. His bright eyes filled with tears, “The rainiest nights, like the rainiest lives, are by no means the saddest.” Then Ben looked at me again, wiping tears from his eyes.
White Squall of Little Boy Blue in Studio 54
What a small thing it is sometime that makes life’s kiss sweeter than death’s to us. Sometimes people in your relationship will disappear because they are avoiding the intimate relationship, exhibiting a relational form of commitment anorexia. This type of distracted lover is not consciously avoiding your relationship, he or she wants to be with you, but will not let the relationship develop. God often tempers the anguish of our sufferings, till there is a sort of luxury in feeling them. If the course of true love never runs smooth, the course of true matchmaking sometimes does so.
People who run away from their relationships usually want to avoid or decrease possible emotional devastation. This person is using avoidance to escape and defend against loss, rejection, or exploitation. As a result, some will feel lonely. However, because these people are going through some kind of internal drama, in place of their relationship, they will focus on creativity, a brilliant career, dedication to a spiritual practice, get to know themselves as single, an unencumbered person. Nonetheless, in reality, this person dreams of being part of a happy couple. When a man gets a good berth, half the deserving must come after.
Sometimes the most virulent force behind the avoidant patterns of the disappearing distance is the fear of being consumed by their own desires or needs. Spending a great deal of your time alone becomes unhealthy when it keeps one from recognizing, deepening, and even enjoying human connection. To implore help itself the proof of undesert of it. The habit of being alone, when generated by negative feelings toward others, can become a chronic condition of isolation. I was sorry to find more mercy in a heathen than in a fellow Christian. Feeling driven to back away from others is often a base of shame.
You come in by yourself without his direction, and you shall go out by yourselves without his mercy. Isolation, in and of itself, is a by-product of distancing that creates its own problems. People lose confidence in their rightful place in human society. Feeling perpetually outside of life can cause you to feel rejected and defective. Over time you may become increasingly fearful, resentful, anxious, depressed or angry. You were everywhere, I could not eat, I could not eat, I could not get you out of my head. The only constant I had was Caroline.
I was drowning, and then you were there. Whatever I was experiencing, at the time, I had you to hold on to, Matthew. I lost sight of everything, I barely even noticed other people in the town, all I could see was you. I could not get rid of you, I could not stop seeing you, I could not stop hear you. Nothing else mattered, but you. Isolation is self-perpetuating, I had to stop you from haunting me. It is potentially lethal when isolation leads to extremes of depression and hopelessness and can take someone to the point of suicide. Someone like me, who never seems to initiate contact with others, is perceived as aloof, arrogant, or unfriendly. This in turn creates feelings of loneliness and defensiveness.
To look with mercy on the conduct of others is a virtue no less than to look with severity on your own. When I was talking to my friend Andrew, he told me that he was committed to finding a partner, he was very enthusiastic. He told me, “You got it! I am going to be here, no fear. Definitely! I am going to make it to every date with you this month and the next and the next. You have got my word! A reminder that everything is going to be okay. I know what happened.” Then Andrew sailed out of my apartment, seeming to have no cruel intentions, as he was whistling and humming cheerfully, and greeting anyone who happened to be in the lobby.
Inevitably, Andrew failed to stick to the schedule. He knew I was here, it was astonishing. He complimented me on the apartment, and thanked me for lunch. Andrew was very pleasant to us, but during the first few months with me, he missed many dates. When we did meet, his ability to pay attention was too scattered for him to be able to focus on his distancing patterns. I would get hungry and count the seconds until the date was over. It was a party on the Albatross.
Suddenly, by beloved friend, whom everyone adored, could not concentrate on me. We were not making much progress in helping him to identify the specific ways he distances, although I was beginning to spot his pattern. It was hard to help Andrew to focus because of his speedy monologues and his lightning-quick exits before we had settled into a topic. And what if the blonde-haired, tan-skinned guy next to Andrew looked like an angel? How was I to guess that when I met him in the coffee shop, at the hotel, only a day or two later, I realized that Andrew was trying to tell me something, he was trying to tell a story. I closed my eyes and prayed.
Andrew was a complex person, who very rarely felt comfortable inside his own skin. He told me that I help him back from being that monster that he truly is. Generally, he was tormented by being unable to stick to any given plan. He could not follow through, whether it was a plan to move to another part of the country, or go back to school, or even just a plan to get a cup of koffee with a friend.
He was reluctant to make choices, from something a small as choosing what movie to see, to something more significant like signing a lease for an apartment or getting a full-time job. Because of his across-the-board style of restlessness and avoidance, Andrew could not even get close to starting an intimate relationship.
A man must be an idiot or else an angel who, after the age of forty, shall attempt to be just to his neighbor. Andrew had been sober for ten years. And even with his extreme restlessness, he remained determined to stay clean and sober. Most of his friends were in various stages of physical and economical failure because of their active addictions. Andrew’s mother desperately wanted more for her son, and Andrew’s son was the foundation of his tenuous abstinence and he was the reason his son remained celibate.
I understand everything you said. You have been telling me exactly how and why you can keep our secrets and lies. The deep hurt hit my heart and flashed in my eyes, private and almost lonely. Stop abusing your power. Stop forgetting that you have it. Stop forgetting the inevitable limitations of your kindred here! You are dreaming. I am not the wander slut you make me out to me. Remember this is an exposition of souls, a bartering of extraordinary revelations.
You gave me a quick sketch of your heart, a description of your truer self. A loyal Knight, but because there are uncertain times, we are required to be committed to continuing our survival, by whatever means necessary. Be here now. You are an optimistic, loving person who sincerely wants to find relief from running in circle. Be willing and open to new insights and new activities and you will be able to take your first step to do kindness. Consider this…it is very possible that this winter could end up with above average warmth AND above average snowfall.
Author’s Files–Little Boy Blue
Life is full of cares and anxieties; man has occasion for, and a right to make use of, many expedients to make it last with tolerable ease. If living patterns and human companionship do influences the influence the health of your heart, then we should teach people how to love, as preventative maintenance. You cannot replace your heart like you would an old pair of worn out shoes.
However, we can replace worn out human emotions and repair a broken heart from the loss of a loved one. When we examine average life spans in other parts of the world, we discovered that people in regions of Russia, Ecuador, and Pakistan are experiencing an average life span of around 100 years. They also believe that there is a time to live and a time to die, but the prominent longevity factors are attributed to things like social integration, community cohesion, and healthy long-term marriages.
Love may not be easy, but when it works, it is worth the journey. Your loneliness will end, take this opportunity to feel the freshness of starting your new life. You may have recognized that something is missing in your experience of intimate relationships, but you really do not know how to identify your relationship dilemmas. Between my first and second marriages, I really enjoyed the excitement of a new sexual relationship, especially after so much sexual frustration in my first marriage.
Even though I miss the excitement of those times, I would never trade it for the easy comfort, pleasure, and depth of sexual intimacy I know experience in my 16-year marriage. Rick is a thirty-something married man with two children. He is a big powerful guy who was a football star in high school. He married Beth, right after being honorably discharged from the military.
Rick is completely in charge of everything from diet, exercise, recreation, television programs and work schedules. Beth equated the marriage to living in a perpetual boot camp, with Rick always barking orders at her and the kids. He says it is for their safety and demands that they comply with his wishes so the unnecessary does not occur. Now that their older son, little Rickey, has hit adolescence, he is starting to rebel against his father’s military style of parenting.
Rick’s efforts to take care of everything and everyone around him have led the couple of divorce. “Talk to me like you mean it, share all of your secrets,” Rick would say. This is the fullest kind of love that people often strive for, but find it difficult to achieve or sustain. However, do not dismay. Intimacy and commitment is predictive of relationship stability and longevity.
Passionate love, consisting mainly of romantic feelings and physical attraction, peaks early and quickly in a relationship. At that moment, when Spring returns to the Earth and everything is at turn of renewal, you feel your lover’s wish is for you; then you have health, and wealth. You notice your family is feeling healthy, happiness, every success and satisfaction one could dream of.
Then your relationship turns into intimacy and commitment, as it evolves into one of compassionate love. If intimacy does not flourish, and if the couple does not make a mutual decision to commit to each other, their relationship will be on shaky ground, as the passion will fade and chaos surface. In contrast, commitment and a sense of bondedness and mutual concern can sustain a relationship in times of dissatisfaction.
Rick reports that he knows that Beth cares about him, but she is just never having the time for him. It is the kids, it is her best friend calling up in the middle of some big drama, it is a deadline at work, it is a meeting—you name it, she has an excuse. If a couple required attention like a person required food, this couple here would have starved to death a long time ago. Rick’s wife is a Superwoman, keeping herself busy with all the stuff she does for others.
Men also engage in this form of distancing, often as workaholics, sports addicts, or Superdads who have no time for their partners. Be reports, “I felt like I had found the perfect partner, someone who filled all that was missing in my life. And then all of the sudden, he started getting on my nerves, and we started fighting every time we saw each other. It took me a while to realize he was seeing someone else. Many other someone else’s.”
No one wanted Rick and Beth to get married because they did not want to see Beth get her hopes up. That is what Molly told her husband at last month’s meeting. It was recorded in the minutes. You know, “Rick will just do what he always does. Start out as Mr. Wonderful and then eventually it will be ‘Hi Ho Silver Away!” Beth will not know what hit her.
Rick is an ambivalent distance, who is great at the beginning of a relationship. Unfortunately, he always finds a good reason to back away when the relationship starts to get serious. They had been dating for three years, but he kept Beth locked away in a mental fortress populated with fantasy characters. Rick is a successful young journalist, writer, and producer, but he is afraid to enter the real World of the heart.
Sometimes, people are perfectionist, unable to accept the perfect relationship, even when it is at their doorstep. They are just trying to prevent from feeling vulnerable. Rick rejected his wife because he did not want her to abandon him, and as a result never felt securely attacked to his relationship. Upsetting himself and his partner, as he changed his mind back, back, fourth, and fourth, first in, and then out.
Rick had been socialized by his friends and coworkers to avoid emotional vulnerability and so he could not recognize what was really going on. Although it appeared that the couple was very well committed to the well-being of their relationship, they were both getting shortchanged. If love is a weakness, it is at least the noblest weakness we are liable to.
Real love can only arise where there is either a void in the heart, occasioned by the falsehood or indifference of one favorite object, or where love before has never been admitted. Beth runs her own real estate business. She is an attractive woman who just wanted to find the partner of her dreams. Her marriage ended in divorce. Her husband has an affair with his own son that left Beth shaken and vulnerable, but she had dated on and off for quite a while. She is puzzled by her ongoing single life. “Why can’t I find someone?” she asks her manager.
The answer is that Beth totally focuses on her career. She works at least fifty hours a week, leaving herself almost no time to meet potential partners or to deepen a new relationship. “What happened to that nice guy you had dinner with?” her daughter Ava asks. Beth shakes her head. “I am not really sure,” she admits. “We were having a great time kind of joking around online. It seemed like it was hard to find time to get together. I guess I do not know what really happened.”
Like other successful women, Beth avoids getting hurt again by keeping a whirlwind of activity between herself and her potential love interest. She is so busy that she scarcely notices that her dates eventually give up after discovering how difficult it is to spend time with her.
Blind love doth never wholly die. Successful love may sometime use the language of flattery. However, hopeless love always speaks the truth. He was thinking. To go to the devil—to go to the devil—to go to the devil with this boy was not a bad fate—not a bad fate—not a bad fate.
And then he wrapped himself in comforting phantasms, roaming the winds for his own sake, dissolved now and then in the poetry of love, and envision bowers of love, places of Divine safety foreordained beyond Good and Evil, “Where I and the one I coveted could dwell. It was a doomed vision and I knew it, but it was mine to enjoy,” says Rick. Heart-sickness is the worst kind of sickness. Life will not run in harmonies.
As is clear from the models, the incidence of hypertension is also significantly affected by marital status, strongly suggesting the possibility that environmental and psychological factors influence the course of heart-sickness. Fire in straw will not be hidden, and the flames of affection cureth the wounding of a frown. Flames of affection will burst forth at length, though it be long kept under. Real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune.
Lovers are wholly destitute of conscience, magnanimity, common sense, and ordinary courtesy. Love, that made me timid, taught me to be tender too. The most submissive where they love may be the most stubborn where they do not love. The true picture of life as it is, if it could be adequately painted, would show men what they are, and how they might rise, not, indeed, to perfection, but one step first, and then another on the ladder.
Remember—you are and will be Loved
I do not know how long I have not seen you. Do you know I am lonely without you! I want to tell you a secret in my heart, and that is—I am missing you now! What you leave to me is a beautiful memory. You remind me of the purity and friendship of my brightest days. I am in love with myself in memory of you.
I always remember the two tall fit trees by the arch bridge in our fields and wonder if the petals of the roses will fall down to my head, shoulders, hands, and my heart, and when I look up I will see your beautiful blue eyes. Our youthful footprints are left of the paths of the rose garden, and the lawns are our joyous songs and hearty laughter. Our friendship and ideals are engraved on every corner of the park and castle.
It would be nice if human life and love could be sustained indefinitely. When we examined the statistics on premature death (deaths not due to natural aging), it quickly become clear that the way we live has a lot to do with our longevity.
Since the 1950s, the leading cause of premature death in American Adults, between the ages of 24 and 65 have been: Heart disease, malignant neoplasms (among males the most prevalent neoplasm at these ages is lung cancer), cirrhosis of the liver, accidents (other than motor vehicle accidents), influenza and pneumonia, motor vehicle accidents, suicide, and homicide.
Pay attention to the ways that people distance. You have the tools to help you identify how you see yourself in a couple, and you can locate yourself—or someone you care for—and relate to their strengths and vulnerabilities. You can transform your life and honor your strengths and gifts, in addition to those difficult areas you are required to change.
Currently, you are going back to the roots of how you have developed your beliefs, fears, and hopes about intimate relationships and that can be both very exciting and illuminating. It can also stir up old memories and emotions that are difficult to process. The goal, however, is a strong commitment to safety, so you will be guided very carefully through the process of remembering.
To avoid an early death, it is important to diet, exercise, and stop smoking and drinking. The heart is a pump, and like other types of pumps, it can malfunction through simple mechanical breakdowns. The heart is a complex regulatory system that is influenced by the subtlest human feelings and social situations.
The presence of human companionship does not work in any simple fashion to prevent heart disease; any more than the mere existence of loneliness directly causes heart disease. If the relationship was that straightforward, it would have been recognized long ago. It is, however, possible that human companionship or love can prevent cardiac disease.
The goal is not to go backward to relive old painful experiences, but to examine your formative relationship to study how they shaped you to become the person that you are.
You will trace the various influences that combined to create your race, ethnicity, class, geographical home, neighborhood, religion, schooling, and even how the media influenced you. This will allow us to take a good look at the relationships you have experienced, in your adult life, to see how our fears, hopes, longings, and even aversions have been determined.
It was painful to know that we were under obligations to a person who could never receive a return. You burn yourself and give out all heat, light, and energy sparing no effort. You are beloved and respected like the most beautiful star in the Universe.
Move toward the action phase, and begin to develop your abilities to create many levels of deepening connection by targeting the changes you feel you are ready to undertake. The little boy blue is ready to be found and loved and respected. No more chaos.
Your thoughts and language are full of poetic flavor and philosophic theory and so magical that they stop loss of cruel intensions. You have aroused so many ripples in the eye inside. Over the years, you have returned to becoming gentle. It has been a gradual process of engaging with others at a new level of intimacy.
This has allowed you to warm up to this relationship, at a safe place, while avoiding slipping back into the all-too-familiar patterns of running and hiding. Much like Gil Martin, in White Squall, you have learned to trust yourself to make the best changes for yourself, at the right pace, with the right people. If time could retrogress to let me go back to the last day I saw you, I would return to the past.
Of course, no transformation can take place without some hard work. Insight may happen in a sudden flash, but transformation take both inspiration and perspiration. The good news is that we do not have to do it alone. Everyone has his astonishing potentiality. I should believe my own power and youth and tell myself continuously that everything is up to me. There are many reasons to share these stories.
Healing generally works best through a process of identification that allows you to see parts of yourself in another person’s experience. These stories also provide you with a connection to a community of other people who have struggled with the same issues you are facing. We are usually stumbled by the stone that exist in our hearts, but always stride over the stones on the way that are real obstruction. Remember, you are loved, and always will be. We will always keep your secrets and lies close to our hearts.
Understanding our Own Private World
The price we are all price we are paying for our failure to understand our biological requirements for love and human companionship may be ultimately exacted in our own hearts and blood vessels. Pause for awhile in the city of Sacramento, part of rural America, and you cannot help but be struck by the harshness of the existence some have to endure. It is sad when your children can be healthy one moment, playing in the snow, then catch cold and be dead in a week.
Wives routinely died in childbirth or from mysterious fevers a few weeks later. A husband’s cough would awaken the dread of pneumonia or tuberculosis in his wife’s mind. They knew about disease and they knew about death. They were fully aware of their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness…they could not stop the ravages of diseases like pneumonia, which could disrupt their lives without warning. Death truly came like a thief in the night. However, it is only what we are vividly conscious of that we can vibrantly imagine to be seen by Omniscience.
As I lingered awhile in this rose garden, I could not help but recall how just three weeks earlier I had contracted pneumonia and with a few simple injections had quickly recovered. It was like having an opinion bright than diamonds, my life was saved and I could press on. Pneumonia to me was a kind of curiosity because my son had the flu, and his friends took him to Tahoe, then started acting mean to him and put him out in the snow.
They also made him swim, while it was snowing, and made him take pictures to prove he was not depressed. When he got back to the cabin, his key card did not work and he had no cell phone to call for help, so he walked to the store and bought an adult beverage to stay warm. How could someone do this to a nice person? He is certainly nothing to fear. The legacy of terror is behind us now. With few exceptions, science has eliminated almost all of the forces that had once caused premature death. It is difficult to condemn a person who goes with the general opinion of his generation.
Why is it that the noblest of our passions should be also the most selfish? You do not have to choose a fixed identity or label. You will not have to decide whether you are love-addicted or love-avoidant. In relationships, you may be more likely to be vulnerable, open, and committed than you are in others. You do not have to be typecast by gender, either. Buying into gender stereotypes can cause women and men to become seriously disconnected in their couple relationships, without ever getting to the root of their unhappiness, because oversimplified assumptions about gender differences disempower both men and women.
The fact of the matter is you are meant to love and do not want to get lost in the dark shadows like Barnabas Collins and Josette DuPres Collins. Just as it took centuries to become public knowledge that men as well as women can be victims of children abuse and violence, so too it has been long overlooked that both men and women can be victims of childhood abuse and violence, so too it has been long overlooked that both men and women distance themselves from intimacy.
Three out of every four deaths among American males between the ages of 15 and 25 are caused by either accidents, suicide, or homicide. Women and men both yearn for intimacy and deeper connection, and both genders can create disabling distancing patterns in their coupe relationships. Without adequate information to help them name, tame, and transform the runaway self, both male and females distancers often convince themselves that the love they have is as good as it is going to get. It truly takes a community to create a healthy couple relationship.
One of the major mistake in trying to solve intimacy problems happens when the focus is exclusively on the couple. No couple is ever really alone on a desert island. Too often, everyone tries to fix the couple as if they exist in isolation. Friends, family, and helping professionals often fail to give enough attention to the importance of the big picture—the comprehensive view. There are many ways that the coupe is part of their village. They want to know what is going on, and not have the details hidden from them.
The fact of the matter is we have to integrate all the aspects of the community that help to create and nurture a healthy couple. Your own social and cultural roots, the significance of religious or spiritual communities, and the values of workplaces, extended families, neighborhoods, social capital, and the larger geographical community. I suppose it is the price of falling in love. I fear that it is the price of falling in love.
Please Stop using Drugs
Many youths are addicted to Marijuana these days. The drug is viewed as cool and safe because it is natural, but it may be a very dangerous drug. Marijuana can make a pre-existing mental problem worse, it could create a new psychotic mental issue, or it may cause a drug-induced psychosis. Marijuana causes a dysfunction in the brain, which cause a person to feel intoxicated, or unstable. Marijuana can make a person feel a loss of inhibition, confusion, unable to concentrate, and it can also affect motor skills, which make it unsafe to drive or operate heavy machinery. Marijuana can also make one’s breath smell foul and cause one to extremely overeat, even when they are not hungry. It can basically put you in a trace, where you are unaware of what you are doing, and you may not even remember the next day. A lot of marijuana is laced with even more dangerous drugs like PCP, speed, cocaine and more. There have been cases of people ending up in the hospital from smoking a bad batch of marijuana. Some have never even regained their total cognitive function. Marijuana also causes people to hear things and see things that are not there. So, it can be very dangerous. People who smoke marijuana all the time are called burnouts. They do not notice it, but others can tell that their minds are gone because they cannot control the drug, and they are slow and lethargic. And marijuana is addictive. The more you smoke it, the more you will crave it. Also, if you are stopped while being high on marijuana, you can go to jail and lose your license. Marijuana can cause mental problems or make mental problems worse. Please be safe, and if you need to relax, talk to your doctor, they can help. Marijuana is the third most used drug, nearly 33 percent of Americans use marijuana, so it is very common. However, critics are saying that the war on drugs is hurting more people than it is helping because people are caught with small amounts of pot and sent to jail or prison because of that. In fact, about 750,000 are arrested for possession or distribution of marijuana each year and that is costing tax payers $10 Billion annually. That is more the number of people who are arrested for all violent crimes combined. California’s Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom reports that he is willing to put his reputation on the line to legalize marijuana.
Legalizing marijuana will reduce arrest and potentially save the taxpayers money, but there are also some specific consequences. If marijuana becomes legal, then drug dealers will lose a major cash crop because users can just purchase pot at the local store. Therefore, dealers will have to sell more dangerous drugs like crystal meth, crack cocaine and cocaine. These drugs are far more addictive than pot, so young kids will probably get strung out on more treacherous drugs, as a result of marijuana becoming legal. Crack Cocaine is known as the humble man’s cocaine. It is a central nervous system stimulator. Crack Cocaine became popular in the 1980s mostly in urban areas because of marketing, availability, and affordability of the substance. Crack cocaine has been reported to have a powerful and fast intoxicating effect. The high from crack cocaine is descried as immediate, intense and euphoric, it is said to make one feel powerful, and it is extremely addictive. Crack cocaine is made from powder cocaine, water, ammonia or sodium, and bicarbonate also known as baking soda. The mixture is then boiled, filtered, clouded, dried, and cut into small rocks or pebbles. These small rocks, crack cocaine, are typically white or tan. Crack cocaine is generally ingested by crushing the rocks into a fine powder and snorting, mixing with water and using an instrument to inject the solution in the bloodline, and it can also be smoked in a glass pipe. People who use needles to inject crack cocaine run the risk of getting diseases that can be deadly from sharing unclean instruments.
Crack cocaine is most often smoked. Crack cocaine got its name because of the crackling sounds it makes when it is being smoked in a glass pipe. It makes some feel energized, and they do not know the dangerous impact from the drug. Crack cocaine or rocks increase the body temperature, blood pressure and heart rate. Use of rocks or crack can cause heart attacks, respiratory failure, stroke, seizures, abdominal pain and nausea. Crack can also cause sudden death, upon first use, or shortly after. Crack rocks are between 75 up to 90 percent cocaine. Because of the low-cost crack cocaine, it is also of interest to young suburban kids and young adults. Crack cocaine has been used by 8.6 million people 12 and over and 6.9 percent of people between the ages of 18 -25 admitted to using this dangerous substance. Crack cocaine is dangerous because it causes a short intense high, and shortly after is followed by a forceful downheartedness, which leaves the users with a robust and ceaseless thirst for more of the drug. Within four years, 25 percent of the people who use cocaine become addicted. Crack cocaine also has some very powerful side effects. Smoking crack cocaine is dangerous because of the toxic fumes, the damages it can do to the lungs and body, and because the pipe can burn ones lip. There is no safe way to ingest crack. Crack can also cause long term damage to the heart, liver and kidneys. It is also said to cause sleep deprivation, loss of appetite and malnutrition. People who use crack cocaine are said to behave aggressively, violent, and bizarre. It has been suggested that people will go as far as murdering someone just for another rock. Crack cocaine also cause hallucinations, irritability, panic, and psychosis, shortness of breath, constricted blood vessels, and bleeding.
Furthermore, Crack cocaine has been illegal since the 1914 tax act because it can be destructive, highly addictive and extremely dangerous. 90 percent of cocaine that makes it to the United States comes from Columbia. There are about 567,000 known users of crack cocaine in the United States. It has been reported that yearly about 42,000 people are admitted to hospital emergency rooms because of injuries from crack cocaine. Crack cocaine is also associated with prostitution, violent crimes and gang related crimes. Another warning about using crack cocaine is it comes with other harsh punishments. Since the war on drugs went into effect, the sentences for those who abuse crack cocaine more stringent than it is for those who use pure cocaine. Cocaine users are generally more affluent, so they can afford pure cocaine, snow. It is called snow because it is so pure and white, as it does not have fillers in it like crack cocaine does. In fact, if one is arrested with 28 grams of crack cocaine, they will serve a mandatory minimum five-year prison sentence. However, if cocaine users are arrested to trigger the threshold for the mandatory minimum five-year prison sentence, that person must be caught with 500 grams of pure cocaine. Some say the higher penalty is to teach a lesson, but others believe that this is economic discrimination. Critics say that the law goes easier on cocaine offenders because they are typically well-off, whereas users of crack cocaine are considered less important to society because they generally earn less, and may not contribute as much, financially, to the system. “Any man who has the brains to think and the nerve to act for the benefit of the people of the country is considered a radical by those who are content with stagnation and willing to endure disaster,” reports William Randolph Hearst.
