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An End to Looking Backward
I can forget the unreturned fate, but I cannot forget your image and my love. When I miss you, ice and snow turn to tender water flow, and at that moment loneliness deepens our hearts and turn to beautiful memory. The feeling of waste, that something precious and irreplaceable has been lost is strong and essential.
We have seen how the despair of action produce a negative balance of mind which the sorely tried may achieve by accepting the horrors of life as inevitable and natural. Ideal and reality become too much to bear. Whether we reject or accept it, we should have charity and self-knowledge enough to let flights of angels sing me to my rest.
The feeling of their victory has triumphed over me, and it is problematic and will always make the impact of the ending complex and disturbing. If you wish, you may, however, view my dilemma from yet another perspective: I cannot exact vengeance, since I feel vaguely that the “Ghost,” in spite of proof to the contrary, is an emissary of the devil; I fall victim to an inhuman code of duty.
The peculiar thing about the battle box is surely that it is arranged so as to catch or even shock me. However, it also gives e several opportunities to recognize the situation and adapt myself to it. First, the dumb-show with its not particularly obscure acting-out of the illegal plot, then the Player Queen’s lines “In the second husband, let me be accurse! None wed the second, but who killed the first.”
And the elaborate preparation for the poisoning, all accompanied by the critics comments, which are nothing if not disruptive and untrue. It is easy to see that, from a practical point of view, the experiment is a failure, since I have not departed. Nonetheless, I have warned and am ready to protect myself.
I do not want to be locked in my ivory tower for the rest of my days, and even with the threats, I will eventually find you. The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” If you know yourself so well, you know nothing will keep me here in solitude.
Life is about living and having experiences and I will rest up and venture out. The bright lights, the music, the people—I cannot stay away from the. I want to feel alive. Thus, conscience and reality does not make cowards of us all. The unnatural, the infernal practice of breach of chastity can be traced to no other source than the absolute fiend. You do not look like much of a man to them. They see you as a coward that you would allow this to happen to your own.
Virtue is its own reward, and vice its own punishment. The impulses of love are so subtle, and the influence of false reasoning, when enforced by eloquence and passion, so unbounded, that no human virtue is secure from degeneracy. The World has faults; glaciers have crevasses; mountains have chasms; but is not the effect of the whole sublime?
Those who are not of this World can do little else to halt the errors of the obstinately Wordily. There is no zeal blinder than that which is inspired with the love of justice against offenders. Our own hearts are our best prayer-rooms, and the chaplains wo can most help us are ourselves. True wisdom consists in doing that which is most agreeable to ourselves. White clouds are in the sky and water is in the river; that is my missing and love for you; may clouds drift to you and water flow into your heart.
Look back again, you can see the yesterday with all kinds of pleasant moments. Yesterday, we argued in the house. Yesterday, we played football at the park. Yesterday, you tested my endurance. Yesterday, we had dinner by candlelight. Yes! Yesterday is so beautiful and deserves a memory. You are in my dream for years. You with my hope take a long walk…I hope I can walk with you forever.
The forest where we had taken walks, blue, yellow, red, and pink flowers and nothing changes. When will you return so that we can enjoy all of these? Life, the time a story ends is the time another story begins. Here is a joyful story and sad story. Story is still in regardless of joy or sadness.
I feel completely integrated, as a man, as a writer, and as a young man of God. I have grown in maturity as a man, however, and it is inevitable that this growth will influence my work as a writer. The only question is how deep the influence will officially prove to me.
Consequences of Loss of Love
Perhaps the most direct theoretical link between such early psychological trauma as the loss of one’s parents and subsequent physical illness can be drawn from the fact that adult psychopathology itself leads to serious problems in interpersonal relationships. And, as already noted, almost all psychiatrists believe such problems stem from early childhood. Those people who are unable to form close personal ties in adulthood would likely appear in the mortality charts and be overrepresented in the single and divorced categories. Evidence supporting this idea can be gleaned from several sources. During the past two decades there has been a strong relationship between early parental loss and the subsequent development of various physical diseases. For example, when we examined the relationship between separation and depression and the development of physical disease (such as cardiovascular disease), we found that a significant number of adult patients in the hospital with physical disease had suffered the early loss of one or both parents. Confronted again as adults with some new loss or the threat of such a loss, these patients tended to become very depressed and developed various physical disease, including cardiac disorders.
There were 16 patients listed under “rejection” and had lost one or both parents through separation, not including that by death, or had one or more demanding parents or had many siblings so that the patient felt unaccepted, unwanted, and at a distance from the parents. Nine patients were still grieving or again grieving over a significant loss which had occurred 3 to 32 years prior to the onset of the current symptoms. Thus 33 out 42 patients were preoccupied, or because of the nature of the current changes in object relations, became preoccupied with past conflicts never completely resolved. There is a possibility that there are early psychological antecedents of malignant neoplasm (a new and abnormal growth of tissue in some part of the body, especially as a characteristic of cancer) has gradually been introduced into medical thinking as the result of detailed retrospective studies. Dr. Phillippe’s hypothesis concerning the emotional life history patter associated with neoplastic disease is that early in life, damage done to the child’s developing ability to relate to others, resulting in marked feelings of isolation, a sense that intense and meaningful relationships bring pain and rejection, and a sense of deep hopelessness and despair. Later, a meaningful relationship is formed in which the individual invests a great deal of energy. For a time, people enjoy a sense of acceptance by others and a meaningful life, although the feeling of loneliness never is completely dispelled. Finally, with the loss of the central relationship, whether the death of a spouse, forced career retirement, or children leaving home, comes a sense of utter despair and a conviction that life holds nothing more for them.
Again comparing these suicide cases with a large number of randomly selected 40,000 students, 225 former students committed suicide in the years following graduation. These students came from homes where parents were college trained, where the father had a professional statue (frequently a physician), parents were separated, or the father died early. Other distinguishing characteristics were exactly the same as for death by coronary heart disease: heavy cigarette smoking, nonparticipation in extracurricular sports, secretiveness, and social isolation. Furthermore, lack of participation in extra-curricular activities seems to acquire meaning in loneliness, fear, hostility or frustration. Wealth or success of the father may have an adverse influence on the son through parental absence, deprivation of companionship and counsel, overbearing demand for emulation, possible lack of interest or lack of need for individual success or effort in the son. Also, early parental death might signify some hereditary weakness or environmental trait transferable to the child in the form of a predisposition to heart disease.
Secrets and Lies—Ben Crawford Breaks his Silence
One day, he was leading a full and active life, and the next day he suddenly found himself flat on his back in the hospital, he thought his life was coming to an end. Ben was still considered to be exceptional when he came to his visual skills, music, and intellectual abilities. However, he noticed verbal communication was not easy for him. Still, he was very good with structure and repetitive task, but was not good at expressing himself verbally.
Ben Crawford reports, he was diagnosed with autism. When he would try to talk to people, Ben says that he felt far more than physical weakness, dizziness, acute chest pain, and sometimes would physically collapse. This condition forced him to reassess his life because it struck him in the prime of his life, and he never had any serious health problems.
Ben soon discovered that Christi had become pregnant with his child. Ben wondered if he could return to work? How would he support his family? And how would he relate to his spouse and children? What about his favorite activities? What about his sex life? Autism, for Ben, was both physical and an emotional trauma, and the emotional scars were very serious. Warm, interpersonal support is a critical element in the recovery process.
Christi figured Ben’s life was over and that he would not amount to much, so she divorced him, and took his son and moved into a new house. When Ben would go visit his son, the boy would not talk to him because Christi had poisoned his mind and told him that his father was just pumping him for information. One day, when Ben returned to Hawaii, his father came to the house, and found Christi was involved with a new man, an African American man, and he accepted that and thought that they were friends.
Ben approached his son, Tom, and told him: I am your father and would love to talk to you. I read the letters you wrote me and I would like to take you so see an Oakland A’s game. So they two went to watch the game. Tom had to pee, so Ben took him to the bathroom. However, there was the large sink urinal, where everyone would just stand and pee. And Ben got so embarrassed because after Tom finished urinating, he was looking at the penis of the guy next to him. He had never seen one so large and was fascinated. Ben made Tom wash his hands and the two quickly left the restroom.
Ben dropped Tom off back at home, and the next week when he came to see his son, no one would open the door, but they were home. Christi was very upset that Tom and his father were getting along so well, she feared that if he wanted his son back, the child support would get cut off, and she would not be able to afford the house. Ben had gotten a new job as a sales man, and was doing well, despite the fact that he had autism. However, he had a lack of contact with his friends and neighbors—and his son.
The intervals between visits became stretched and finally contact ceased entirely. Time got long, and feelings of loneliness and desertedness presented themselves. It was a very interesting and challenging year. Ben states: my son and I had a very affectionate life, he was a blessing to me. My health had up to that time been reasonably good, although I had suffered from bellyaches. The doctor told me that being in a loving environment and physical contact, like hugs and handshakes.
So Ben worked up the courage to go collect his son. When he got to the house, Christi’s two fat gay twin brothers jumped him, and told him if he ever came to see his son again, they would pop his cherry, and pound him really good. So Ben discontinued child support payments, and Christi took his son and moved to a three-bedroom town house in another city. After, child support was cut off, Tom seemed to be unwanted and started getting a lot of bumps and bruises, and even a few threats.
At one point, Tom was even sent to an abusive foster home because Christi’s new husband did not like him. However, Ben was unaware of what was going on because he did not know where his boy was or how to contact him. He kept asking around and someone finally told him they see his son at this one park all the time. So Ben packed his bags, moved near that park, and saw his son. So much time had gone by, that Tom did not recognize his dad.
And you might be expected things to go smoothly, but they did not. After he finally realized that was his father looking at him, others soon discovered that Ben and his father reunited. Tom’s mother Christi assured him, “He will never see his son again!” And she threatened to have him killed or arrested if he went near his son again. And the two fat gay twin brothers started patrolling the park. So Ben got ghost, but he did not give up, and promised he would rescue his baby.
Secrets and Lies—is Christi Crawford telling the Truth?
The civilization of youth is the civilization of struggle, which struggles with the times and experience. Youth is the king, Spring and essence of one’s life—as the encouragement to both of us. Do not recall the past sadly for it has gone; make use of today wisely for it belongs to us; greet the unknown tomorrow with a man’s heart bravely. In this World, successful people are those who strive for the opportunity they want. If we cannot find any opportunity, we will create them.
Well, where do you want me to start? From the beginning of my troubles? I came to Los Angeles at the age of 17 and first my asthma improved quite a bit here. Back in the little town in Arkansas, a man fooled me into an affair and I became pregnant. When the child was born, my mother was very mad at me and became awfully nasty. I never heard any nice word from her and was feeling that she wanted to get rid of me and the child.
The father was no good. He threatened to kill me and my baby if I ever told his name to anybody as the father of the boy. He repeated that time and again and even told me that he would come to Los Angeles to kill me if I ever would mention him as the child’s father. For that reason, I never dared to ask for help from any state agency. The only one helping me with money was the man from my home town once in a while, so I was able to register in a private university. I could stay then with my two brothers who had come to Los Angeles and found jobs.
Mind you, it was impossible for me to live with my brothers. One of them frequently made advances at me and even tried to rape me [very excited]. So I moved to a single apartment on county assistance. As I had to make a living, I had to quit college and take customer service jobs, which I kept getting fried from because of my son’s medical issues.
My asthma become much worse at that time. You know, I had to go to the hospital every so often and also had to stay here a few days for treatment. Naturally, I always lost my job and had no hope to recover. That is why I wanted to die and want to die all the time because I am no good, no good! [Crying, agitated, hyperventilating, reaches for ISUPREL nebulizer, gets a generalized tonic seizure and loses contact with environment.]
Interpersonal situations can produce cardiac changes which are dangerous and even lethal, especially individuals who have already suffered a heart attack or who are presumably predisposed by severe atherosclerosis. However, the reverse is also true. If the lack of human love or the memory of earlier personal traumas can disturb the heart, then just as clearly the presence of human love may serve as a powerful therapeutic force, helping the heart to restore itself.
Nowhere is the power of human contact more readily apparent than in the period of emotional crisis that follows the sudden occurrence of a heart attack. Warm, interpersonal support is a critical element in the recovery process of such a patient. The therapeutic power of human contact begins immediately after a heart attack or any injury, in the form of the bedside manner of those who first come in medical contact with the patient, and continues thereafter in the loving support given by the patient’s family.
Star Wars of Love and Healing
Rushing through class, I could not wait to get outside, and I could tell something was different about the day. Nonetheless, I had had my feel with the negativity and needed to get away. To my surprise, I look up and there you are. It felt like it had been so long since we last saw each other. Your eyes seemed to be expressing all the affection in the recesses of your heart, blinking with warmth, goodwill, kindness and a stern sincerity. May our love increase with every passing moment. One is happy if he can encounter someone he can expose his heart to. Nothing is the World is better and more pleasing than a good relationship, without it, we would lose the Sun. I lost track of time, but knew we were supposed to meet up back up at a certain time. Normally, I would have left a while ago, but I knew this meant a lot to you and I. I waited and waited in the rain for your return, but you did not make it back. Even though I had just got dressed and styled my hair, I did not mind getting soaked by the rain. It just made the moment more romantic.
Some people got so hurt in their early, formative relationships that it made them skeptical and anxious about ever opening their hearts again. By waiting for you, even though I knew you would not be back this evening, I was trying to use this experience as a teacher, instead of trying so hard to convince you I care, I will show you. Affections are more than the cost of gifts, this action brings my yearning and the finest blessing to you. I cannot tell you how happy I was to see you even for an hour. You helped shape my heart and keep safe. Missing you was like an endless river, and I was flying with the Sun to linger over your heart. Cultivating awareness around fears and anxieties will help you understand more about what may be keeping us from authentic happiness in our relationship. I do not know how to bless you with my expecting heart. Send me a warm smile. The most welcomed people are those who have confident, hopeful, brave, and happy eagerness for knowledge, and are ready for the future.
Facing past (and possible future) losses is a step into the awareness that everything changes, no matter what we might do to try to deny that. And therefore, we know, at our deepest cellular level, that there is nothing we cannot get through. Sometimes we recall the hardships, sadness, failure, and frustration of the past and it becomes a vicious cycle. However, everyone has astonishing potentiality, and I believe we can overcome this together. The eagle soars into great height and the hen remains forever in the cage owing to their different ideals. Let us hover like eagles. My youthful heart belongs to you, for you are in possession of all. Feeding your compassion is like watering a tree: nurturance is required, but the rewards are immeasurable. Compassion is the best thing I can give you to heal your heart. The more we are able to remember and analyze the past, the more we can enrich and expand the complex story of who we are. You have to go after your dreams and chase them. They are your creations, why let someone else steal them?
We are becoming more away of the full richness and texture of our story, and we will become more hopeful about our capacity to change. We can get through this rough spot together. The more we can learn about how our past’s influence shaped our relationship, the more we will understand each other. The pain we experienced—you cannot be blamed for that, it is not all our responsibility. People have to realize, this is Earth, they are human, and they must follow the laws. Blaming one for all of their mistakes even goes against biblical text. God directed us: and to make it your ambition to live quietly and peacefully, and to mind your own affairs and work with your hands, just as we directed you. So that you will behave properly toward outsiders [exhibiting good character, personal integrity, and moral courage worthy of the respect of the outside World], and be dependent on no one and in need of nothing. There are traces of God’s power in your genes.
Time Alone Soothes all Obstacles
In a long time, much must be endured. Love comes when you dare to reveal yourself fully. While most infants and children are not raised in total social isolation, large numbers—and the numbers are growing at a rapid rate—are being raised in homes that could easily become environments of partial social deprivation. There is no sort of wrong deed of which an individual can bear the punishment alone; you cannot isolate yourself and say the evil which is in you shall not spread. Men’s lives are as thoroughly blended with each other as the air they breathe evil spreads as necessarily as a disease. There are now significantly fewer children in each home (and consequently less dialogue between siblings), but there is also an overall diminution of social interaction in many homes. There is no such thing as living without being beholden to somebody. One-sixth of all children in the United States, under the age of 18, now live in one-parent households, and the number is growing. Who can say to live that is isolated on the Earth, never experiencing the joys of paternity or kindship?
Coupled with this trend is the fact that majority of the mothers now hold jobs outside of the home; certainly the vast majority of adults, in single-parent households, are forced to work for economic survival. Many of these parents do not want to leave their children. They simply have no other choice-economic necessity dictates their behavior. These situations create environments where something usually has to give, something has to be sacrificed. It is very lonesome at the summit, like a man’s life, when he has climbed to eminence. The awful lonesomeness is intolerable. The intense concentration of self in the middle of such a heartless immensity, my God! Who can tell it? I stand alone among the billions of peopled Earth, nor gods nor men my neighbors! Most parents work all day and then come home to cook a meal and clean a house and will naturally be tired. It takes a concerted effort for that parent, after working all day long, to come home (and stay home) and pay attention to his or her child.
Not only that, if the child has siblings, that are now part of other households, and the father’s time stretched so thin, it might create some issues that this one kid is getting so much attention, and it is still not enough! Time and personal pressures will naturally tend to compress the quantity of dialogue. It is not a question of whether parents love their children; rather, it is a question of time. If you knew Time as well as I do, you would not talk about wasting it. It is him. How tedious is time, when his wings are loaded with expectations! More and more, the vital function of interacting with infants and children is left, by default, to schools, day-care centers, nurseries, baby-sitters, and the glorious television, none of which may have even the slightest interest in serving as a surrogate parent. A wide variety of adolescent and adult psychiatric disorders have now been unequivocally linked to the lack of parental contact during youth.
Some people even want or have thought about ending their lives because they feel like such a burden to the community and family. And if you have a child with special needs and they seem to get more attention from the parents, it creates sibling conflict. However, time truly works wonders. It sublimates wine; it sublimates fame; nay, is the creator thereof; of fables distills truths; and smooths, levels, glosses, softens, melts, and meliorates all things. Hundreds of studies have shown that the lack of parental contact or the early loss of parents can seriously undermine the emotional stability of children. Severe adult depression, dependency, psychosis, various neuroses, and suicide have all been frequently reported among individuals who suffer early parental loss. For instance, there is a young man, who lives with his father, and seems to have problems with everyone. His parent home school him, and let him out one hour a day and he still has problems. We do not understand what is fundamentally wrong with this young man, and as a result, his grandparents want to terminate him, as well as others in the community. Time is supposed to subdue all things, but that may not always be a good thing.
With him, the past was yesterday; the future, tomorrow; never, the day after. Dr. Phillippe and his colleagues examined 85 adolescents, who had been referred for psychiatric evaluation, from a general adolescent population, in their hospital. They found that 36.4 percent of these adolescents had experienced early parental loss of a father being reported twice as frequently as the loss of a mother. Adult sociopathy occurs significantly more in individuals who have experienced early parental loss. Also, an exhaustive study of almost 12,000 ninth-graders from all geographic and socioeconomic sectors of the state of Minnesota. The research indicates that adolescent delinquency rates and school dropout rates were much higher for children who had lost a parent through death or divorce. In fact, over 90 percent the psychotic adults of a mental hospital in Northern California, 90 percent has lost a parent when they were young. It comes as Time himself, and Time has the intention of going a great way.
In a long time, much must be endured. Love comes when you dare to reveal yourself fully. While most infants and children are not raised in total social isolation, large numbers—and the numbers are growing at a rapid rate—are being raised in homes that could easily become environments of partial social deprivation. There is no sort of wrong deed of which an individual can bear the punishment alone; you cannot isolate yourself and say the evil which is in you shall not spread. Men’s lives are as thoroughly blended with each other as the air they breathe: evil spreads as necessarily as a disease. There are now significantly fewer children in each home (and consequently less dialogue between siblings), but there is also an overall diminution of social interaction in many homes. There is no such thing as living without being beholden to somebody. One-sixth of all children in the United States, under the age of 18, now live in one-parent households, and the number is growing. Who can said to live that is isolated on the Earth, never experiencing the joys of paternity or kindship?
Coupled with this trend is the fact that majority of the mothers now hold jobs outside of the home; certainly, the vast majority of adults, in single-parent households, are forced to work for economic survival. Many of these parents do not want to leave their children. They simply have no other choice-economic necessity dictates their behavior. These situations create environments where something usually has to give, something has to be sacrificed. It is very lonesome at the summit, like a man’s life, when he has climbed to eminence. The awful lonesomeness is intolerable. The intense concentration of self in the middle of such a heartless immensity, my God! Who can tell it? I stand alone among the billions of peopled Earth, nor gods nor men my neighbors! Most parents work all day and then come home to cook a meal and clean a house and will naturally be tired. It takes a concerted effort for that parent, after working all day long, to come home (and stay home) and pay attention to his or her child.
Not only that, if the child has siblings, that are now part of other households, and the father’s time stretched so thin, it might create some issues that this one kid is getting so much attention, and it is still not enough! Time and personal pressures will naturally tend to compress the quantity of dialogue. It is not a question of whether parents love their children; rather, it is a question of time. If you knew Time as well as I do, you would not talk about wasting it. It is him. How tedious is time, when his wings are loaded with expectations! More and more, the vital function of interacting with infants and children is left, by default, to schools, day-care centers, nurseries, baby-sitters, and the glorious television, none of which may have even the slightest interest in serving as a surrogate parent. A wide variety of adolescent and adult psychiatric disorders have now been unequivocally linked to the lack of parental contact during youth. Some people even want or have thought about ending their lives because they feel like such a burden to the community and family. And if you have a child with special needs and they seem to get more attention from the parents, it creates sibling conflict.
However, time truly works wonders. It sublimates wine; it sublimates fame; nay, is the creator thereof; of fables distills truths; and smooths, levels, glosses, softens, melts, and meliorates all things. Hundreds of studies have shown that the lack of parental contact or the early loss of parents can seriously undermine the emotional stability of children. Severe adult depression, dependency, psychosis, various neuroses, and suicide have all been frequently reported among individuals who suffer early parental loss. For instance, there is a young man, who lives with his father, and seems to have problems with everyone. His parent home school him and let him out one hour a day and he still has problems. We do not understand what is fundamentally wrong with this young man, and as a result, his grandparents want to terminate him, as well as others in the community. Time is supposed to subdue all things, but that may not always be a good thing. With him, the past was yesterday; the future, tomorrow; never, the day after. Dr. Phillippe and his colleagues examined 85 adolescents, who had been referred for psychiatric evaluation, from a general adolescent population, in their hospital.
Secrets and Lies of a Broken Heart
Think over your prayers; for He to whom you make the, knows all tongue; that of the heart as we as those of the mouth. Some people must think the Almighty very ignorant, for they never kneel down to speak to him without feeling themselves called upon to explain to him the whole plan of salvation, creation, and damnation: subjects on which, one might suppose, he would be better informed than themselves.
The greatest merit any person could have is to be good and useful. We are all experts on ourselves. We know how we perceive the World, how we respond emotionally, how we generally relate to others. I always have high energy, physically. I have rapid responses to all forms of stimulation through my sense, and my energy level ranges from active to hyper, even with the natural brakes of getting older.
My rapid response system means that I feel physical pain and physical pleasure very quickly and very intensely. It also means that I have trouble staying still. I have a generally heightened awareness of sounds, smells, tactile sensations, my visual surroundings, and even taste.
The good news about my heightened awareness is that I easily take in so much of whatever is pleasurable. The bad news is that I am uncomfortably sensitive to negative experiences. At the biological level, I am easily stimulated. I have a low pain threshold, and a strong negative response to loud noises, bad smells, or unpleasant taste.
Past experiences buried and lost from our conscious memory can be a third eye, yet unrecognized, cause for worry. For some people, event-based anxieties are linked to the trauma of war, abuse, or an accident. For others, it is a series of negative experiences with parents, teachers, siblings, or peers that have left invisible scars.
Because I am constantly taking in so much of what is happening around me, I am better prepared to see and react to danger than many other people. On the other hand, it is sometimes energetically draining to be so hypervigilant; there are too many ordinary situations where my immediate impulse is to rescue, protect, freeze, or flee.
I love honest people who are gentle and enthusiastic, and can express their feelings, even when they are not good, without becoming angry or hostile. This guy called Paul fell in love with his best friend, Michelle. It took him five or six years to admit he loved her. When he made a confession about his feelings, despondently, Michelle rejected him.
However, Paul remained calm and simply stated, “I am not okay right now,” after having his heart broken in front of a crowd. Every time someone does something right, we should notice them and comment enthusiastically about what they did. I think it was so cute of him to be a big enough man to openly communicate his feelings, without being angry.
If you are ever in a situation that makes you feel uneasy, move into a comfortable place where your body and mind feel relaxed. Think about something that is going on in your life right now that is really bothering you. Let yourself concentrate on the details of who or what is really disturbing you. Tell yourself that it is okay to briefly focus on this distressing situation or person because you are not going to stay there.
Some people who do not address their pain, joy, or emotions end up in a very bad place. For instance, former Bachelor contestant, Lex McAllister, killed herself after having her heartbroken. Just acknowledging that makes me feel sad. One of the biggest problems in life is people do not communicate because they are fearful.
Learning to gently deepen your awareness will allow you to get beyond your fear and begin to work with issues that may have caused your years of emotional and mental pain. Because of what I have been through, I do not feel comfortable going to the doctor or visiting friends.
Currently, people are encouraged to accept the idea that they are required to face some of those emotions and memories that they had successfully avoided facing in the past by means of denial or dissociation. Do not worry—you will not be forced to excavate old wounds and dive down into your deepest fears, anxieties, or losses.
This is just a gentle wake-up call to remind you that by gradually becoming more aware of your uncomfortable areas of experience, you will not have to keep working so hard to keep pain in its cage and eventually you will begin to feel less lonely.
He will never leave us or forsake us. Worry is often a solitary burden. We tend to carry it alone. The more we worry, the more alone and helpless we feel. However, if we are the children of God, we are never away from our Father’s watchful eyes and reach. Stay on the designated path, please. No matter how long the road is, no matter where I am, I will give you my sincerest blessing. May we have a brighter future and make greater progress.
Your Love is Eternity
You are in my missing and the happy time has no end. The unforgettable past events are in the memory. There really is no point in going back to relive painful memories unless you can work with you to build a better present. We do not always get that message. There are still many talk shows, reality shows, books, and feature articles that shine the spotlight on someone’s suffering as though suffering is a form of entertainment. Painful experiences may have a negative impact, but most likely, they also crated some of your strengths and special gifts. Whatever philosophy and experience may pretend on such subjects, it is certain that man is disposed to be superstitious in respect to the secret influences that guide his fortunes in the dark passage of the World. There is at least this good in life of toil, that it takes the nonsense and fancy-work out of a man, and leave nothing, but what truly belongs to him. Can mortal prayers ensure immortal happiness? When you do not get everything you require, the deprivation can help you become very resourceful. One will learn some great survival skills, and will not passively waiting for someone else to provide for you. An older friend of mine taught me about masturbation. One day in his mansion, while we were changing from wet swim trunks, he asked me if I had every stroked it before. Well, I had not because I was not allowed to touch myself. He proceeded to soap up his penis and demonstrated his technique.
When I tried it, the sensations felt good, but unlike my friend, nothing came out of my penis. He told me to keep practicing, and I did. Several years later, I had my first ejaculation. He is still fascinated by an old dream, which he cherished for many years. He says it was the greatest unfinished wonder in the World. Where a seal can catch a fish, a man could catch a hundred; where penguins can live a whole town could live. I call you “For real” of the newsroom because you are the truth. When you are pushed into a place where you have to keep yourself alert to avoid being hurt, one will often develop excellent observation skills and survival instincts. This will allow us to see what is going on around us faster than those who grew up protected by the adults in their lives. Everything about you makes me think you are a man of physical action, rather than the man of mental affairs. You are a little under six feet tall, tightly built, with a lean muscular frame and strong fair hair turning white. Your skin, like the skin of many models, and has a luminous golden hue. When you talk to me my mind lights up with prolific ideas, mostly serious subjects. There should always be one steady head to superintend many young ones. You always made me feel welcome and safe. Your eyes were so intent when you told me about “A Summer Night.”
There was no thought of pleasing you when she christened. The last phrase indicates that the World of higher nature, which romance approaches is also a World not of time, but no fulfillment of time, the kind of fulfillment traditionally symbolized by the perpetual spring of paradise. The wound that bleedeth inward is most inward is most dangerous, the fire kept close burnest most furious, the oven dammed up baketh soonest, sore having no vent fester inwardly. If you witnessed a lot of dysfunctional behavior, it may have helped you learn how to avoid potentially harmful situations and people. The World of shipwreck, in White Squall (one of our favorite movies) and treachery has largely spent its force before the action of the movie begins. Gill Martin knew he was doomed the moment he stepped foot on the Albatross. When Gill is forced to face his fears and climb the rope to the top of the ship, his screams and wetting his pants foreshadows the honorable haunted natural man, whom the is trying to raise to a better level of nature. This also represents the total annihilation of everything in time which is the first fact of ordinary life. If you grew up with abusive or impaired parents, it may have strengthened your determination to be healthier in your own adult life. Art and life are identical on its higher level, and guaranteeing, more clearly than any story of lost paradise, a reality in our lives that is clear of the dissolving chaos of experience.
In this scene the interchange of reality and illusion has completed itself. We go out into the real World again, which we know now to be also an illusion because of a reality that we have glimpsed for an instant in the illusion of life. My life was filled with anxiety and worry, but I was able to cover it up, like a lot of people do, until I had an experience that caused me to hit rock bottom. If you grew up having to take care of your parents, you may have some very valuable skills as a listener, caretaker, provider, and counselor. (It is hard to find a dedicated mental health care provider who grew up in a perfect family. The word family evokes warm feelings, but for others it brings up misery or revulsion. As a child, you grew up in a large family with a lot of responsibilities. Family was a source of support and we learned to take responsibility for family gatherings at holidays and birthdays. It was then that you told me you were forced to face your anxieties, fears, dreads, and worries. The greatest discovery was made because you realized that your own strength was not enough. I experienced that discovery. I had nothing left of my own inner resources. I did not seem to have the strength, physically or emotionally to go on. Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state.
If you felt unsafe with people as a child, you may have developed a very special relationship with nature, animals, books, art, music, sports, and so forth. Childhood suffering created many people whose self-reliance resulted in extraordinary achievements. It also created many people who are content engaging in solitary activities like reading, exploring outdoors, being an artist, or doing scientific research. Suicide is contrary to the first law of nature, self-preservation; and it shocks the natural feelings and common apprehensions of all mankind. You have many more strengths you are not aware of because of having been less fortunate than other children in how you were nurtured and raised. Keep in mind that within our vulnerabilities are the seeds of our greatest strengths. You are no longer a child; you have choices you did not have back then. I am here for you and always will me, I promise I will never leave you. No suicides permitted here, and no smoking in the parlour. Prayer is power within us to communicate with the desire beyond our thirsts. Have you seen that in the courtyard merged in the moonlight and the Spring breeze, I glean and glean in silence, all my yearning for you can neither sever my affection for you nor forget the dreams of love. I will remember forever your beautiful looks, those pillow soft lips, and sky-blue eyes, help me travel to the end of the World. You love is kind of eternity.
The Mission of the Poet is to Soothe
Never mind the character and stick to the alibi. Nothing like an alibi, nothing. Take the book in your right hand, this is your name and handwriting, you swear that the contents of this, your affidavit are true so help you God, a shilling you must get a change I have not got it. You do not have to focus exclusively on the painful parts of your relational legacy. You must also learn to honor the strengths you gained from your early experiences. Within our vulnerabilities are the seeds of our strength. Despite having endured a very good childhood, I discovered the truth of what my dad always told me, “That which does not kill you, makes you stronger.” I loved when my father would read my bedtime stories because it made me feel safe and warm. The stories helped me to survive the very painful reality that I was facing. In my blue bedroom, there was a delightful World of fantasy, where anything was possible. I was unquestionably dependent on my father’s nighttime visitation; I enjoyed the adventures my father created for me. In these stores, my father created an ever-continuing hero’s tale in which I was a brave little ship’s captain, navigating a magical journey in the Albatross, which was filled with whimsical people who were free to become anything they chose. My father played the role of a former CIA operative, who stopped at nothing to rescue me from sadistic kidnappers. My dad used his brutally efficient skills to take out his heavily armed foes one by one. Fortunately, the day came when we escaped. We were no longer silent and started telling new stories that released us from the shame and isolation. This allowed us to heal because we created a World in which we were whole, powerful, successful, and happy. We became people with a large repertoire of responses and emotions. Virtue is one all over the World, and there is only one faith, one conceivable conduct of life, one manner of strong expression.
God’s Virtue is the Sweet Pliability of Man’s Heart
Randolph Harris
2 February 2016
1.30pm EST
Sweet pliability of man’s heart, that can at once surrender itself to illusions, which cheat expectation and sorrow of their weary moments! No civilized man ever regrets a pleasure, and no uncivilized man ever knows what a pleasure is. Anything becomes a pleasure if one does it too often.
In order to completely understand the link between human loneliness, lack of love, and cardiac disease, it will officially be necessary to differentiate the happily married from those who are unhappily married. While scientific data on this question are just now being gathered, the preliminary evidence is most suggestive. The muses, like vines, may be pruned, but not with a hatchet, nor with a frying pan, nor by pulling hair.
In describing their own research on psychosocial characteristics of Swedish cardiac patients, Dr. Randolph Harris and Dr. Ryan Phillippe screened 10,000 European adult males before any symptoms of coronary heart disease had appeared. People who have a lack of emotional support from their spouse are more likely to be heart attack victims, and they also have more marital problems than did the control sample.
A series of recent reports have commented on the fact that the occurrence of marital problems and a sense of interpersonal rejection antedate a surprising number of acute myocardial infractions. Poetry and romance ought to be an imitation of real life because romance and love can reduce heart failure, and increase lifespan by as much as 20 years.
It appears that the individuals who are supported by love and a secure family and community bonds can cope much better with stressful psychological situations than individuals who are deprived of such support.
Men who place an inordinate emphasis on their work, and therefore neglect their spouse and families, are more likely to develop subsequent cardiac problems. There is a clear connection between marital discord and the development of coronary heart disease and premature death. This does not mean that marital discord or loneliness causes every myocardial infraction, for clearly such a position would be absurd.
However, there is evidence that indicates something about divorce, bereavement, or being single that made these states hazardous to one’s health. The inference was made that the something common to these states was either the lack of human companionship or the disturbance and disruption of human relationships.
Premature death is clearly linked to interpersonal unhappiness. The lack of love, and human loneliness seem to appear as root cause of the physical problems. Many hidden factors enter into the production of these mortality statistics which tend, I believe, to obscure their full medical impact.
The one overriding concern is that the adults reflected in these mortality statistics were once children, raised in complex Worlds, the impact of which remains largely hidden from our view. The fact is the loss of human contact is not an experienced restricted to adulthood; it is something felt by many children, often in a physically crushing manner.
When adults experience divorce or bereavement, quite often a child is caught in the middle—and if adults suffer measurable medical consequences from such experiences, there is no reason to expect that children will remain totally immune.
Children who experience the early disruption of parental contact—whether through divorce, separation, or death—are among the very ones who, upon maturation, will contribute in increased numbers to the ranks of those who encounter interpersonal difficulties.
This does not mean that every child who loses one or both of his parents in childhood will end up divorced, but only that such children are more likely to experience interpersonal difficulties and unstable marriage than will children from intact families.
The relationships between early childhood experiences and the excessive death rates that appear so consistently among nonmarried individuals is a question of great concern. This concern is especially central to coronary heart disease, for it raises the intriguing question of whether this major killer can begin in the lonely and broken hearts of childhood.
Before we leave each other, thousands of thousands of words become one word, I love you and always will. I find the white hair on your temple. Oh, you are so young how can you have it? I am afraid I am too serious for you. Today, when I look at your white hair occasionally, my eyes become wet.
I wish you happy and please let me love the white hairs on your head. In the World you know only you to me are the source of encouragement, the ingenious consolation and the light flickering in the recesses of my heart and mind and body. In ecstasy, I look at you and listen to you breathing.
In your shadow, with the fresh air, I no longer want to gaze at you as I am so tightly hugging you. You hold up my heart, which is listless and dazed. You put it by you on a golden pedestal.
With pure sincerity, I love you as people shun praises and compliments. Look at me once more, impressing in my heart with every smile of yours, every look of yours. For when you are away, recalling will be my only amusement.
