At the beginning of the World Series, I experienced a completely new emotion, when the National Anthem was played. This time, I thought, it is being played for me, as much as for anyone else. This is organized major league baseball, and I am standing here with all the others; and everything that takes place includes me. Remember that day when you moved into the first place of your own? You were the king of your castle: nobody to answer to, nobody to share chores with. You could watch the TV shows you wanted to watch, eat the foods you wanted to eat, and clean up or not. What a great setup! It is also usually a very temporary state of affairs. One day—sooner than they might have imagined—most men wake up and find themselves married or living with a significant other or roommate. And whenever living space is shared, differences of opinion inevitably arise over the care and use of those spaces. If not handled thoughtfully, these differences can turn into conflicts. Fortunately, the complexities of thoughtful home sharing can be vastly simplified by thinking of your house as a series of discrete spaces—each with its own set of issues. Keep these key issues firmly in mind, and life will be blissfully peaceful on the homes front. The two rooms that have the most potential for conflicts are the kitchen and the bathroom. #RandolphHarris 1 of 20

When we asked women to identify the leading case of conflict in the kitchen, they gave one overwhelming answer: When it comes to cleaning up, especially after themselves, men do not do their share. If you go into the kitchen to make something to eat, clean up the mess before you start eating and do not leave any dishes in the sink because the kitchen is really the soul of Cresleigh Homes. It is where the family gathers and makes meals and often eats. It is the room that requires the most cooperation to keep it clean and functioning. Sincerity matters. If you say you will clean the dishes, then do it. Forgetting sets a pattern, and it established a precedent that your words is not good. In any relationship, the trust the grows out of keeping your promises is a cornerstone of its success. The bathroom is the one place where we all truly want to be private and comfortable. In an ideal World, everyone would have a bathroom that was theirs and theirs alone. In reality, however, most of us share a bathroom with a significant other, and perhaps with others family members or roommates. This overlap of personal space is where trouble starts. Women tend to be very particular about the bathroom. They do not like the toilet seat to be left up, no urine on the toilet seat, and no water or shaving stubble left on the counter. #RandolphHarris 2 of 20

Always makes sure you flush the toilet, and put the toilet seat back down. It is not sexist because we all have to sit down at sometime. In the middle of the night no one wants to fall in the toilet. If there is a fan in the bathroom, turn in on before you use the shower or the toilet and also makes sure to clean the bathtub out when you bathe. Try not to clean the bathroom with bleach because it could ruin someone’s clothes. When it comes to bathroom behaviour, it is almost always a good idea to be accommodating of your partner’s needs and desires. This delicate area is generally not the place to make a stand on some point of personal self-expression. And a closed door is an unspoken request for privacy, and it should be honoured at all times. There is no questions that I have got to be cleaned up: shaved, combed, dressed nicely, and smelling good by the time we leave the house or sit down at the dinner table. In the Middle Ages, knights in shining armour met each other encased from head to toe in metal. Often they simply could not be identified and had no idea if the other knight was friend or foe. So they took to lifting off their helmets to reveal their identities to each other. The servers at banquets in the Middle Ages were required to remove their hats as a mark of deference to the patrons. The removing of a head covering became a custom and evolved into the removal of a hat being a mark of respect. This action had remained a custom ever since. #RandolphHarris 3 of 20

When you enter a person’s home, removing your hat is a symbol of your respect for the owner. Likewise, as you enter a restaurant, taking off your cap is the right thing to do for the people you are with and for the other diners. Anytime you enter a place of worship, your baseball cap should come off. However, when you enter a store or other public space, you can keep your cap on. Each of us is responsible for the image we project. Taking that responsibility seriously is a clear signal of your respect for others. If you choose to go on a date without cleaning up first, you are responsible when your date decides she does not want to see you again. Pass gas, spitting, or let loose with a string of expletives when you are with a group of friends, and they may forgive one episode—but make it a habit, and you could quickly find yourself without friends. These are not random examples, many people responded that these are pet peeves. Failing to bathe, passing gas, and foul languages all emerged as major issues—as did smoking, chewing gum, and spitting. Clean hair and nails are a must; a well-groomed man is very attractive! Soap and water are affordable enough for everyone to be clean. Sometimes, especially when cigars are involved, men forget that their exhaled smoke is generally viewed as obnoxious, invasive, and annoying. #RandolphHarris 4 of 20

It is worth remembering that many people often have an especially visceral reaction to cigar smoke. If you choose to light up a stogie in a private home or a public place that allow it, check with everyone in your group first to make sure no one minds—then offer cigars to anyone who wants one, including women. However, do not forget that cigar smoke can linger in your clothes. Furthermore, people also have different opinions about what constitutes swearing. That is why I always try to keep colourful language out of my presentations; I do not want to risk offending any participants, and the use of swear words is not going to enhance my message one bit. Being careful to choose our words so we do not often our listeners is a lesson we all need to relearn periodically. Even when you are with a group of friends accustomed to using profanity, if you think that someone—anyone—in the group might be bothered by it, then be considerate and hold your tongue. And if you are not sure…hold it anyway. Just like we think men are the only gender that swears, we also think that women are the only gender that gossips. Well, it is not true. Women swear and men gossip. In fact, I am amazed how much some men gossip, even when live sports were being played, one can frequently hear men talking about other men more than anything else. #RandolphHarris 5 of 20

Unfortunately, gossip is insidious. Unlike a joke, which is a momentary thing, gossip lingers. It clouds our opinion of the people being gossiped about, but it also makes one thing less of the slanderer. So, whether it is on the golf course, at the water cooler, or over lunch, make the effort to put a stop to gossip when you hear it. At the very least do not contribute to it and do not repeat what you hear. A more proactive stance would include indicating you are uncomfortable with the conversation, offering a defense of the individual, and refusing to be part of gossip and make the proactive effort, women notice their willingness to stand up for another person, and they appreciate it. Also, when in your care, consciously work to be considerate of other people in your car and the cars around you. That is how to combat road rage. If you are upset, consider pulling off the road in a safe place. The prince Lestat in Anne Rice’s Queen of the Damned may have been a sadist, and he did not understand what it took to make a relationship work. Look at any relationship that is in trouble, and it is a good bet, if it is not because of money, a failure to communicate is the issue. Half of all communication is listening. So being a good listener is critical to the success of your communication with your wife, significant other, family, friends, strangers, and work colleagues. #RandolphHarris 6 of 20

Safe. That is what communication in a relationship needs to be. Out of that safety and sincerity grow trust, confidence, and a better, stronger relationship. Figure out how to focus on the other person. It is worth the effort for both of you and for your relationship. When you are trying to communicate, whether one on one or in a group setting, the skill of listening to others is just as important as your ability to express yourself. Besides paying close attention to what the other person is saying, make it clear that you are listening carefully by looking directly at the other person who is speaking. Do no interrupt until that person is done making his or her point. Then respond by asking questions and offering observations based on what is said. Make a habit of listening effectively, and you will find that your relationships will grow and deepen. Your voice communicates a lot about how you are really feeling. If your words indicate genuine interest but your voice is a monotone, what is the message you are sending? You really do not mean what you are saying: Tone. Anger, frustration, joy, concern. People react not only to your words but how they are said and the tone of your voice. When you were growing up, how often did you hear these words from your father or mother: “Do not take that tone of voice with me.” #RandolphHarris 7 of 20

Speed. Speed kills. In conversation, speed makes comprehension difficult, so slow down. The people or person you are talking with needs a little time to process what you are saying, especially if it is a serious, important subject. Speaking clearly. Mumbling, grunting—not only are you hard to understand, it sounds like you are trying not to be understood. Instead of contributing to the conversation you sound as if you are trying to avoid it. Accent. People come from different nationalities, even different areas of the United States of America. If you have an accent that is different from the person or people with whom you are talking, it may make it more difficult for them to understand you. In that case, speed is doubly problematic. And speaking clearly becomes even more important for you to be understood. Good listeners honour the person they are with by the way they focus on that person. Look them in the eyes. Eye contact is a key part of any interaction. Nod or say “Uh huh.” Simple nonverbal cues can demonstrate that your focus is squarely on the person and not somewhere else. Ask a question or repeat a point. Question and comments show you are really a part of the conversation and are hearing what the other person has to say. #RandolphHarris 8 of 20

Avoid nervous habits. Even if you are paying attention to what a person is saying, if you are playing with an object, it sends the message that you are distracted. Wait your turn. It is very annoying to be in midsentence and suddenly have the person you are talking to start talking right over you. A good listener waits for a natural break, that momentary pause before jumping in with a comment or question. The method of a philosophic teacher is not to make the decisions of the pupil for one but rather to lead one to make them for oneself. The teacher will outline the process of arriving at the correct conclusion, but one will not deprive the pupil of responsibility of trusting that process and accepting its outcome. The teacher may even make available information which will be helpful to the student in arriving at a decision, but beyond that one cannot go if the student is to arrive at a decision, but beyond that one cannot go if the student is to arrive at independence and maturity. The relationship which we find in mystical or the Old-World circles, which leaves the pupil completely or continuously dependent upon one’s guide and causes one to come constantly running hither and tither for advice as to what one should do next, will only increase the helplessness of the pupil. The philosophic way is to help one develop one’s own ability to dispose of problems and confront situations effectively. #RandolphHarris 9 of 20

The philosophic method is to lead one to a point where one requires no teacher. The mystical method is to lead one to the point where one cannot do without the teacher. The teacher who demands blind obedience from one’s pupil belongs to a vanishing age. The teacher who strives to make one’s pupil’s own mind understand each step of the way one travels belongs to the coming age. The first often ends by enslaving one’s followers, whereas the second ends by liberating them. The first is a dictator, the second a companion. The first creates nonentities, the second, humans. A wise teacher will no lecture to one’s students, will not try the superficial way of telling them every detail of truth. However, by discussion questioning and encouragement one will help them to elicit it for themselves and thus enable them to make it deeply and lastingly their own. The right way to teach humans is to propose truth, not impose it. A philosophic teacher often prefers to let the student make one’s own discoveries on the basis of clues provided rather than lead one into rigid imprisoning doctrines. The true teacher should stimulate thought and not stereotype it. If an aspirant is fortunate enough to get direct and personal guidance on this kind, one is fortunate indeed. The master gives a candidate the seeds and teaches one how to cultivate them: how to water, nourish, and tend the plants which sprout up from them. #RandolphHarris 10 of 20

The highest type of teacher does not want and will not encourage a blind unquestioning acceptance of one’s own views. The true teacher interprets the divine will for one’s disciple but does not impose it on one. Such a guidance may proffer advice and tender suggestions but one will never issue orders and dictate decisions. Instead of trying to deprive the student of one’s capacity to intuit truths for oneself, the disinterested teacher will try to create it. A genuine teacher will not seek to dominate the soul of a student, will not strive to impose one’s own will upon one. For the teacher desires to see a natural and not a forced artificial growth, to free humans and not to enslave them. The real master spiritualizes one’s disciple but does not debilitate one. The self-actualized who does not want to enslave disciples, will guide them to do what they themselves ought to be doing, but are weakly and foolishly expecting one to do for them. A prudent master prefers not to help people but to help them to help themselves. If you do not put into one’s hands the knowledge and equipment wherewith one can acquire strength, it is merely a mockery to admonish a weakling to become strong. It is the teacher’s duty to foster one’s disciple’s creativeness, not his imitativeness—to encourage the disciple to develop one’s own inspiration. #RandolphHarris 11 of 20

The average teacher takes from one’s own personal experience what helped one most or what one’s own teacher led one to, and passes it on to the student as being “the Path,” the only way to God, the sole method of arriving at truth—whether this particular way or method suits the individual type or one’s degree of development or not. One almost forces it on the student, even if it is contrary to the latter’s entire temperament or need. The poor student finds oneself imprisoned and locked up in one’s teacher’s personal opinions and practices, as if nothing good existed outside them. The wisest master lets the disciple develop in one’s own way, according to one’s own individuality. Such a teacher will be the student’s motivating influence while, paradoxically, encouraging one to preserve one’s independence. What the wise teacher does is to wait for the right situations to develop in which one’s own efforts can be most fruitful. One has waited for years, reserving the full expression of one’s powers until the crucial hour when the aspirant is ready to receive one. Until then, one must conceal one’s identity. One’s wisdom in refusing to influence the student’s decisions will not be apparent at first. Indeed it will be regarded as unwisdom—and one’s attitude will be felt as unsympathetic. #RandolphHarris 12 of 20

It is not the business of a master to save the disciple from suffering so much as to save one from the faults in oneself which create suffering. One may suggest and advise but never impose one’s will upon yours. One turns a lamp upon your problems but leaves you free to work the out for yourself. It seems that certain topics can dominate men’s conversations. The problem is some of those topics really are not particularly interesting to some people. What is inappropriate talk? Talk about pleasures of the flesh, bathroom business and finances. Jokes can be a great conversational gambit, but be careful about the kind of jokes you tell. Somewhat indecent or poor comments and jokes in poor taste may be funny when you are alone with your buddies, but they may be resented when in mixed company or in front of kids and may provoke an adverse and dangerous reaction. If you cannot be sure a joke or a question will be well received, then it is better to keep it to yourself. I was asked to give a seminar to the staff of a large ski area including the ski and snowboard instructors. One issue the company wanted to address was word choice. It turned out that some of the younger instructors were using a word that was actually costing the ski area business. Parents were writing comments indicating they were not going to purchase any more family lessons because they were fed up with hearing it. #RandolphHarris 13 of 20

The word: we cannot mention it. That word is extremely derogatory, and when said repeatedly over an hour it is awfully offensive to these parents. And that offensiveness was costing the company revenue. To the young instructors, the word was harmless—a normal part of their vocabulary and popular music—and they thought it was hip, witty, and trendy and should not elicit such a reaction. However, it did. Even though a particular word you use may be totally innocent or acceptable to you, if the person you are speaking to is offended by it, then perhaps you need to find an alternative. Also, nonverbal cues are important. When you are talking with someone face-to-face you are giving nonverbal cues that enhance what you are saying. Those cues can reinforce your words or belie them. When you are with another person, not only do the words you say matter, your image maters as well. You can roll your eyes and imply your disgust or frustration. You can purse your lips and suggest impatience or simmering anger. You can jiggle your foot or drum your fingers and communicate your nervousness. You can sit back, slouched, with your arms crossed and indicate your nonreceptiveness. When you say one thing and your body says another, you are not communicating effectively. #RandolphHarris 14 of 20

A master’s work is not to issue command which must be obeyed by enslaved disciples, but to formulate principles which must be understood by enlightened ones. It is not to create belief but to strengthen knowledge. King Laman dies—his people are wild and ferocious and believe in false traditions—Zeniff and his people prevail against them. About 187-160 Before Christ. And it came to pas that we again began to establish the kingdom and we gain began to possess the land in peace. And I caused that there should be weapons of war made of every kind, that thereby I might have weapons for my people against the time the Lamanites should come up again to war against me people. And I set guards round about the land, that the Lamanites might not come upon us again unawares and destroy us; and thus I did guard my people and my flocks, and keep them from falling into the hands of our enemies. And it came to pass that we did inherit the land of our fathers for many years, yea, for the space of twenty and two years. And I did cause that the men should till the ground, and raise all manner of grain and all manner of fruit of every kind. And I did cause that women should spin, and toil, and work, and work all manner of fine linen, yea, and cloth of every kind, that we might clothe our nakedness; and thus we did prosper in the land—thus we did have continual peace in the land for the space of twenty and two years. #RandolphHarris 15 of 20

And it came to pass that king Laman died, and his son began to stir his people up in rebellion against my people; therefore they began to prepare for war, and to come up to battle against my people. However, I had sent my spies out round about the land of Shemlon, that I might discover their preparations, that I might guard against them, that they might not come upon my people and destroy them. And it came to pass that they came up upon the north of the land of Shilom, with their numerous hosts, men armed with bows, and with arrows, and with swords, and with cimeters, and with stones, and with slings; and they had their heads shaved that they were naked; and they were girded with a leathern gridle about their loins. And it came to pass that I caused that the women and children of my people should be hid in the wilderness; and I also caused that all my old men that could bear arms, and also all my young men that were able to bear arms, should gather themselves together to go to battle against the Lamanites; and I did place them in their ranks, every man according to his age. And it came to pass that we did go up to battle against the Lamanites; and I, even I, in my old age, did go up to battle against the Lamanites. And it came to pass that we did go up in the strength of the Lord to battle. #RandolphHarris 16 of 20

Now, the Lamanites knew nothing concerning the Lord, nor the strength of the Lord, therefore they depended upon their own strength. Yet they were a strong people, as to the strength of humans. They were a wild, and ferocious, and blood thirsty people, believing in the tradition of their fathers, which is this—Believing that they were driven out of the land of Jerusalem because of the iniquities of their fathers, and that they were wronged in the wilderness by their brethren, and they were also wronged while crossing the sea; and again, that they were wronged while in the land of their first inheritance, after they had crossed the sea, and all this because that Nephi was more faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord—therefore he was favored of the Lord, for the Lord heard his prayers and answered them, and he took the lead of their journey in the wilderness. And his brethren were wroth with hum because they understood not the dealings of the Lord; they were also wroth with him upon the waters because they hardened their hearts against the Lord. And again, they were wroth with him when they had arrived in the promised land, because they said that he had taken the ruling of the people out of their hands; and they sought to kill him. #RandolphHarris 17 of 20

And again, they were worth with him because he departed into the wilderness as the Lord had commanded him, and took the records which were engraven on the plates of brass, for they said that he robbed them. And thus they have taught their children that they should hate them, and that they should murder them, and that they should rob and plunder them, and do all they could to destroy them; therefore they have an eternal hatred towards the children of Nephi. For this very cause has king Laman, by his cunning, and lying craftiness, and his fair promises, deceived me, that I have brought this my people up into this land, that they may destroy them; yes, and we have suffered these many years in the land. And now I, Zeniff, after having told all these things unto my people concerning the Lamanites, I did stimulate them to go to battle with their might, putting their trust in the Lord; therefore, we did contend with them, face to face. And it came to pass that we did drive them again out of our land; and we slew them with a great slaughter, even so many that we did not number them. And it came to pass that we returned again to our own land, and my people again began to tend their flocks, and to till their ground. #RandolphHarris 18 of 20

And now I, being old, did confer the kingdom upon one of my sons; therefore, I say no more. And may the Lord bless my people. Amen. The philosophic teacher leaves to the individual pupil how one shall apply these principles to one’s own life, and does not try to chalk out precise details of such a practice for one. One’s unwillingness to give specific advice on practical personal matters should not be construed as unwillingness to help, or as lack of interest in them. It is only that one wants the solution to come straight out of the student’s own being, so that the growth will be the student’s too. O God, I know that I often do Thy work without Thy power, and sin by my cold, heartless, blind service, my lack of inward light, love, delight, my mind, heart, tongue moving without Thy help. I see sin in my heart in seeking the approbation of others; this is my vileness, to make human’s opinion my rule, whereas I should see what good I have done, and give Thee glory, consider what sin I have committed and mourn for that. It is my deceit to preach, and pray, and to stir up others’ spiritual affections in order to beget commendations, whereas my rule should be daily to consider myself more vile than any human in my own eyes. #RandolphHarris 19 of 20

However, Thou does show Thy power by my frailty, so that the more feeble I am, the more fit to be used, for Thou does pitch a tent of grace in my weakness. Please help me to rejoice in my infirmities and give Thee praise, to acknowledge my deficiencies before others and not be discouraged by them, that they may see Thy glory more clearly. Please teach me that I must act by a power supernatural, whereby I can attempt things above my strength, and bear evils beyond my strength, acting for Christ in all, and having His superior power to help me. Let me learn of Paul whose presence was mean, his weakness great, his utterance contemptible, yet Thou did account him faithful and blessed. Lord, let me lean on Thee as he did, and find my ministry thine. Almighty and everlasting God, please bring us to the fellowship of Heavenly joys; that Thou mayest vouchsafe an entrance into Thy kingdom to those that are born again of the Holy Ghost, and that the lowly flock may reach that place whither the mighty Shepherd had gone before; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord. Please hear us, O Almighty God; and as Thou hast bestowed on Thy family the perfect grace of Baptism, so do Thou dispose their hearts to the attainment of eternal bliss; though Jesus Christ our Lord. #RandolphHarris 20 of 20

In the #DIY mood? Learn how to create your own raised vegetable planters in this week’s blog post up now! Link in bio. 🍅🌽🥦 https://www.instagram.com/p/CB6fAsOpl1v/O God, Who by the Baptism of Thine Only-streams of water; grant that we who are born again of Water and the Spirit may attain an entrance into eternal joys; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord. #CresleighHomes