We have learned that we cannot live alone, in peace; that our own well-being is dependent on the well-being of other nations, far away…We have learned to be citizens of the World, members of the human community. We need greater virtues to bear good fortune than bad. Getting past the “E” word is important. Etiquette is the conductive or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social official life. There are a lot of specific guidelines that dictate how people should react in a given situation. However, these guidelines exist for a purpose: to help smooth the way for beneficial interactions between people by prescribing the ways in which we are expected to act and react to people around us. When we use the manners that are expected us of, the Heavens do not part, and crowds do not applaud us; life just goes on smoothly, the way it should. Only when we do not use them does the importance of good manners becomes obvious. For example, one manner states that if you say “Hi” or “Good morning” to a person at work, that person should respond in a like manner, since this is the considerate thing to do. So far, so good. However, if you say “Hi,” and your coworker did not say anything in return, what happens? How would that make you feel? You would probably wonder something like this, “Did I do something to annoy him?” or “Does not anybody ever notice that I exist?” or even “Do I look too attractive?” #RandolphHarris 1 of 21

Manner matter. Use them, and you will make the best impression possible. Still, no one can possibly know all the manners there are or remember precisely how to apply them in every situation. Etiquette is governed by three principles: consideration, respect, and honesty. These provide the framework for defining every manner that has ever been formulated. Each of these principles is timeless. These principles transcend cultural boundaries, cross socioeconomic boundaries, and apply equally to all ages. Consideration is understanding how other people and entities are affected by whatever is taking place. Consideration is empathy. It helps us to assess how a situation affects everyone involved, and then act accordingly. Respect is recognizing that how you interact with another person will affect your relationship with that person, and then choosing to take actions that will build relationships rather than injure them. Respect helps us decide how to choose to act toward others. Honesty is being truthful, not deceptive. There is a critical difference, too, between benevolent and brutal honesty: “I have a problem with that” verses “That is a stupid thing to say.” Honesty ensures that we act sincerely. Etiquette is a code of treating people—and making choices based on—consideration, respect and honesty. #RandolphHarris 2 of 21

When you apply the principles of consideration, respect, and honesty consistently, etiquette becomes a tool that lets you build better relationships and be more successful in every aspect of your life. Etiquette is not about doing what is correct. Etiquette is about doing what is right. To be fair, most men’s inconsiderate or disrespectful behaviour is not intentional. Men frequently get lost in their thoughts and go to far-off places in their minds without even realizing the journey has started or considering the consequences. That is when they get in trouble. Men get it right some of the time, but they do not generally spend enough effort really thinking through how their actions will affect the people around them. And that is what good etiquette really is: thinking about what the considerate, respectful things to do would be, and then doing it. By thinking about our behaviour, we turn each action into a conscious choice. The more we practice making those choices, the more often we will make good choices—and the better our lives and the lives of our loved ones will be. And that is what makes etiquette worth the effort. Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behaviour in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built. #RandolphHarris 3 of 21

The first rule of etiquette—which hundreds of others merely paraphrase or explain or elaborate—is: Never do anything that is unpleasant to others. The art of etiquette really comes down to being thoughtful of the people you encounter in your everyday life. We all tend to associate “proper behaviour” with formal social events—but true etiquette involves behaving with consideration and respect for others in everything that you do, from attending a high-society soiree to simply hanging around the house. Seven key behaviours that are considered bad habits are adjusting, nose picking, swearing, spitting, smoking and chewing tobacco, sloppy dressing, wearing a hat where they should not. The smell of smoke and the health implications of secondhand smoke are bad enough. And the casual way smokers toss their cigarette filters on the ground causes fires that ravage the forests. One cigarette filter carelessly tossed out a car window could do immense damage and cost lives. Please, if you have just got to smoke, dispose of the filter appropriately and safely. Also, dominating the communication makes one look as if one does not listen well. The underlying goal of being respectful and responsible is to treat your significant other like an equal but not like one of the guys. #RandolphHarris 4 of 21

You love your significant other, you care for her, you share your life with her. So focus on the qualities that engender those emotions in you and then let her know by talking optimistically about her. The fact is, however, etiquette is not about momentous acts. It is about smoothing the way through life for ourselves and the people around us. Burping and passing gas: It is remarkable how often these came up. While both are bodily functions that sometimes escape without warning, for the most part, it is possible to delay the inevitable until you move away or retire to a restroom. The feelings of our heart, the agitation of our passions, the vehemence of our affections, dissipate all its conclusions, and reduce the profound philosopher to a mere plebeian. Preserving conversation is a discernment and delicacy which arises from polite letters. Humans are reasonable beings; and as such, receives from their science proper food and nourishment: However, so narrow are the bounds of human understanding, that little satisfaction can be hoped for in this particular, either from the extent or security of one’s acquisitions. Humans are a sociable, no less than reasonable being: However, neither can one always enjoy company agreeable and amusing, or preserve the proper relish for them. #RandolphHarris 5 of 21

Humans are also active beings; and from that disposition, as well as from the various necessities of human life, must submit to business and occupation: However, the mind requires some relaxation, and cannot always support its bent to care and industry. It seems, then, that nature has pointed out a mixed kind of life as most suitable to human race, and secretly admonished them to allow none of these biases to draw too much, so as to incapacitate them for other occupations and entertainments. Indulge your passion for science, but let your science be human, and such as may have a direct reference to action and society. The political implications of person-centered education are clear: the student retains one’s own power and the control over oneself; one shares in the responsible choices and decisions; the facilitator provides the climate for these aims. The growing, seeking person is the politically powerful force. This process of learning represents a revolutionary about-face from the politics of traditional education. What is it that causes a teacher to reverse the politics of the classroom? The reasons are multiple. First I cite my own experience. As my point of view in therapy became more and more trusting of the capacity of the individual, I could not help but question the approach. #RandolphHarris 6 of 21

If I saw clients as trustworthy and basically capable of discovering themselves and guiding their lives in an ambience I was able to create, why could I not create the same kind of climate with graduate students and foster a self-guided process of learning? So, at the University of Chicago, I began to try. I ran into far more resistance and hostility than I did with my clients. I believe this had the result of making me more defensively rigid, putting all the responsibility on the class rather than recognizing myself as a part of the learning group. I made many mistakes, and sometimes doubted the wisdom of the whole approach. Yet with all my initial clumsiness the result were astonishing. Students worked harder, earned more, did more creative thinking than in any of my previous classes. So I preserved, and improved, I believed, in my ability as a facilitator. Although I began to talk and write about my experience, and some of my students worked in similar ways with classes they were conducting, there was always the nagging doubt that perhaps this procedure worked simply because of something in me, or some peculiar attitudes we had developed in Counseling Center at Chicago. Consequently it was enormously supportive to find that others had gone through similar struggles, were adopting the principles we had outlined, and were having parallel—indeed almost identical—experiences. #RandolphHarris 7 of 21

However, sometimes the students who have been clamoring for freedom are definitely frightened when they realize that it also means responsibility. There is also a healthy skepticism as to the reality of the change. Let one not think the teacher brutal for pouncing on one’s faults. One of the first duties of a spiritual guide is to correct the beginner, show where one has mistaken one’s way, and expose one’s fallacies of thought, and conduct. A competent guide will be quick to perceive and fearless to point out these matters however unpleasant a duty it be and however unpalatable to the pupil. It is part of the task of a spiritual director to point out tactfully but firmly the faults and deficiencies of one’s disciples, to make them more aware of what is needed in their moral self-correction. The spiritual director who is over-sever in one’s correction of the aspirant’s faults, needs correcting oneself. The paternal spiritual guide who coddles one’s bleating disciples renders than a disservice. It is a common experience with abbots of monasteries in the West and with self-actualized beings in the East that attention given to one disciple may rouse the ego’s conceit in one and the ego’s envy in others. The guide who refuses to appease the ego of those who approached one, may nevertheless be eager to help them. Yet they will resent one’s counsel and feel rebuffed! #RandolphHarris 8 of 21

They do not see that one is trying to help them in a wiser way by showing them how to help themselves. Only longer time and further experience may bring them to their sense and show them the logic of one’s advice and the prudence of one’s attitude. Sometimes placing the power of choice in the hands of the student brings a totally different sense of responsibility, and much greater effort. There may be an increase in self-insight, and a growing sense of maturity. When there is a person-centered approach in the classroom, all of these are typical outcomes. “Because I disliked school, I was surprised to find out how well I can study and learn when I am not forced to do it.” “I have never read so much in my life.” “Various ‘free’ discussions have helped me a lot to understand myself.” “It was like I was an adult—not supervised and guided all the time.” Not everyone has been so fortunate in attempting a person-centered approach. Joann Lipshires took over the teaching of three high school seminars in Human Relationships. She had great difficulty working through the problem of negative feelings—her own and those of the students. She thought one of the seminars was “a disaster.” However, her department chair-person encouraged her to continue, and gradually she could say that “I believe that my efforts finally have been successful in providing young people with something they desperately need.” #RandolphHarris 9 of 21

When she restricted her seminars to fifteen students, provided a more relaxed and comfortable environment, and made a rule that put-downs or killer comments would not be tolerated, her seminars began to follow the patterns that have become familiar. Students were almost unanimously favourable. Her report adds two other aspects that are not always so well documented. She shows how the changes in the school atmosphere, including a greater self-respect, and an improved ability to listen to others affects the politics of the family. Here is one student’s report: “By listening to my mother at home I learned to care about her as well as the things she has to say. I no longer classify her ‘mother’ or ‘parent’ (which to me is a sign of authority which I would defy under any circumstances) but as another human being who deserves just as much love and attention as I or anyone else does. We do not try to change each other’s thoughts on life anymore but we try to change each other’s thoughts on life anymore but we try to understand them first.” A parent of a sophomore who had taken Human Relations had this comment to make: “As a parent of a child who has taken the course Human Relations I would like to recommend it for other students. This course gave my children a chance to think about herself in many ways. #RandolphHarris 10 of 21

“It made her realize why she said things and how she felt about others. Her sense of values seems to have taken on a more optimistic form. The honesty in dealing with one’s feelings makes for a better person. I believe this is the type of course that could be taught in grade school.” In addition Ms. Lipshires has the report of two observers—student teachers assigned by the Education Department of a nearby college—on the discipline in her seminars. The reports have a similar tone: “Not only do they enjoy the class, but the trust the teacher places in them is returned by the students’ efforts to keep the class going and orderly.” “Discipline is a problem for most teachers. It is always viewed as the students walking al over the teacher’s authority—‘these kids have no respect!’ In Human Relations there never seems to be any serious discipline problems or even any smaller troubles, like getting everyone’s attention in class. The teacher is the key: she always expresses herself in terms of honest and real feelings and had enormous respect for the feelings of her students.” There could scarcely be a clearer statement of the way discipline by external authority is changed to self-discipline. The spiritual leader who is always soft and sentimental may help some of one’s pupils but one would help them more if, at the same time, one were also hard and firm. #RandolphHarris 11 of 21

The first attitude will attract more to a teacher, but without the second to balance it, neither one nor they will get the proper view of life. A true teacher must warn one’s followers against false expectations and irredeemable promises. One of the first tasks of a philosophy teacher is to restrain the missionary fervour of one’s younger pupils and to impress upon them the need of caution, great discernment, and even secrecy in this matter. It is not enough that one has the penetration to perceive the truth; one must also have the courage to tell it to one’s disciples, even though one knows it will shock them. The self-actualizes whose ego still harbours vanity will find it flattered by every new disciple, will be endangered afresh by every widening of one’s personal influence. One finds that the disciples come to one for their emotional comfort, they do not come for their ego’s emotional quietus. They want to remain enclosed in its little circle, not to be taken completely out of it. The kind of master needed and sought after by those who are on the religio-mystic-occult path is one who will take a keen interest in their personal life as well as spiritual welfare, one who is always willing to help them with any and every problem, one who by virtue of residence or correspondence is always and quickly available to them. The philosophic master is not like this but of a different kind. #RandolphHarris 12 of 21

One is not a missionary telling others that they must follow the Quest but an educator telling them that they may follow it if they so choose. The title “leader” implies its corollary “follower.” However, a spiritual leader of the kind here described does not want a mass of followers trailing behind one in a partisan spirit. It is enough for one to give others a few inspirations, ideas, insights, and yet leave them free to work on the material as they wish, unobligated to join any movement. It is needful for you to understand that a philosophic teacher never really wants anyone to follow one but only to follow Truth. Sokrates humorously described himself as practising the same vocation as one’s mother who was a midwife—the only difference between them being that whereas she helped women to deliver themselves of infants, he helped people to deliver themselves of the true ideas with which their minds were in labour. His business, like that of all genuine teachers, was not to impart truth as something new and foreign but to assist the student to elicit it from within oneself. Every genuine teacher tries in one’s work to lead the student’s mind in such a way that one’s thinking gradually changes without one’s becoming conscious of the fact at the time, although one will recognize it in retrospect. #RandolphHarris 13 of 21

Sokrates makes students think for themselves; stimulates them to solve their own metaphysical, personal, and emotional problems; periodically gives an inner mystical impetus to their meditation practice; and points out the pitfalls and fallacies which lie in their life-path. Because his outlook is so disinterested, because his primary purpose is to liberate and not limit them, to give and not get, such a teacher’s services can never be bought by anyone—although they may be claimed by those who are prepared to cast off the shoes of conventional prejudice at one’s door and who are willing to refrain loyally from imposing upon one their preconceived notions of what characteristics the teaching, the teacher, and the quest should possess. Thus if one will not shackle them, they are in their turn must not shackle one. Such would-be disciples are rare, but such teachers who practise what they preach are rarer still. Jesus as the Christ is the bearer of the New Being in the totality of his being, not in any special expression of it. Various Christologies have concentrated on his words, and his deeds or his suffering. These are enlightening if not cut off from he being of Christ. However, rationalism separated his words, pietism his deeds, and orthodoxy his suffering from his being; these systems forgot that the being of Christ is his work and that his work is his being, namely, the New Being which is his being. #RandolphHarris 14 of 21

When theologians overlook the being of Christ they cannot place the New Bring at the center of their thought. Concentrating on one’s acts, they unavoidably distort their meaning and relevance. They then no longer relate the Christ to the universal quest for a conquest of estrangement. This makes the Christ himself a stranger in humankind. On the contrary, we should remember that the traditional symbols of “salvation,” “redemption,” “grace,” “atonement,” “meditation” as applied to the function of the Christ, emphasize the universality of his role. The New Being in the Christ has universal significance. It is universally expected. On account of this, “Jesus as the Christ is the Saviour through the universal significance of his being as the New Being. What is his significance? Simply that the revelatory correlation in which Peter acknowledged his Messiahship remains revelatory for every human. While Peter was directly thrown into it, being face to face with the Christ in the flesh, we are in a different position. It is the same situation, but the participants in it are removed from it in time and space. The original miracle, together with its original reception, is the permanent point of reference, while the spiritual reception by following generations changes continuously. A whole ecclesiology is evidently implied in this statement. #RandolphHarris 15 of 21

The Church will be the community in which one experiences the original revelatory correlation in which Jesus was acknowledged as the Christ. The main point here is that this revelatory constellation has universal score. In this sense it is final, not that no more revelations may take place, but that all other revelations will be subordinated to it. The revelatory event in Jesus as the Christ. He is the miracle of the final revelation, and his reception is the ecstasy of the final revelation. His appearance is the decisive constellation of historical (and by participation, natural) forces. It is the ecstatic moment of human history and, therefore, its center, giving meaning to all possible and actual history…But it is only for those who received him as the final revelation, namely as the Messiah, the Christ, the Man-from-above, the Son of God, the Spirit, the Logos-who-became-flesh, the New Being. “I, Zeniff, having been taught in all the language of the Nephites, and having had a knowledge of the land of Nephi, or of the land of our fathers’ first inheritance, and having been sent as a spy among the Lamanites that I might spy out of their forces, that our army might come upon them and destroy them—but when I saw that which was good among them I was desirous that they should not be destroyed. #RandolphHarris 16 of 21

“Therefore, I contented with my brethren in the wilderness, for I would that our ruler should make a treaty with them; but he being an austere and a blood-thirsty man commanded that I should be slain; but I was rescued by the shedding of much blood; for father fought against father, and brother against brother, until greater number of our army was destroyed in the wilderness and we returned, those of us that were spared, to the land of Zarahemla, to relate that tale to their wives and their children. And yet, I being over-zealous to inherit the land of our fathers, collected as many as were desirous to go up to possess the land, and started again on our journey into the wilderness to go up to the land; but were smitten with famine and sore afflictions; for we were slow to remember the Lord our God. Nevertheless, after many days’ wandering in the wilderness we pitched our tents in the place where our brethren were slain, which was near to the land of our fathers. And it came to pass that I went again with four of my men into the city, in unto the king, that I might know of the disposition of the king, and that I might know if I might go in with my people and possess the land in peace. And I went in unto the king, and he covenanted with me that I might possess the land of Lehi-Nephi, and the land of Shilom. #RandolphHarris 17 of 21

“And he also commanded that his people should depart out of the land, and I and my people went into the land that we might possess it. And we began to build buildings, and to repair the walls of the city, yea, even the walls of the city of Lehi-Nephi, and the city of Shilom. And we began to till the ground, yea, even with all manner of seeds, with seeds of corn, and of wheat, and of barely, and with neas, and with sheum, and with seeds of all manner of fruits; and we did begin to multiply and prosper in the land. Now it was the cunning and the craftiness of king Laman, to bring my people into bondage, that he yielded up the land that we might possess it. Therefore it came to pass, that after we had dwelt in the land for the space of twelve years that king Laman began to grow uneasy, lest by any means my people should wax strong in the land, and that they could not overpower them and bring them into bondage. Now they were a lazy and an idolatrous people; therefore they were desirous to bring us into bondage, that they might glut themselves with the labours of our hands; yea, that they might feast themselves upon the flocks of our fields. Therefore it came to pass that king Laman began to stir up his people that they should contend with my people; therefore there began to be wars and contentions in the land. #RandolphHarris 18 of 21

“For, in the thirteenth year of my reign in the land of Nephi, away on the south of the land of Shilom, when my people were watering and feeding their flocks, and tilling their lands, a numerous host of Lamanites came upon them and began to slay them, and to take off their flocks, and the corn of their fields. Yea, and it came to pass that they fled, all that were not overtaken, even into the city of Nephi, and did call upon me for protection. And it came to pass that I did arm them with bows, and with arrows, and swords, and with cimeters, and with clubs, and with slings, and with all manner of weapons which we could invent, and I and my people did go forth against the Lamanites to battle. Yea, in the strength of the Lord did we go forth to battle against the Lamanites; for I and my people did cry mightily to the Lord that he would deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, for we were awakened to a remembrance of the deliverance of our fathers. And God did hear our cries and did answer our prayers; and we did go forth in his might; yea, we did go forth against the Lamanites, and in one day and a night we did play three thousand and forty-three; we did slay them even until we had driven them out of our land. #RandolphHarris 19 of 21

“And I, myself, with mine own hands, did help to bury their dead. And behold, to our great sorrow and lamentation, two hundred and seventy-none of our brethren were slain,” reports Mosiah 9.1-19. O my Lord, let not my ministry be approved only by humans, or merely win the esteem and affections of my people; but do the work of grace in their hearts, call in Thy elect, seal and edify the regenerate ones, and command eternal blessings on their souls. Save me from self-opinion and self-seeking; water the hearts of those who hear Thy word, that seed sown in weakness may be raised in power; cause me and those that hear me to behold Thee here in the light of special faith, and hereafter in the blaze of endless glory; please make my every sermon a means of grace to myself, and please help me to experience the power of Thy dying love, for Thy blood is balm, Thy presence bliss, Thy smile Heaven, Thy cross the place where truth and mercy meet. Look upon the doubts and discouragements of my ministry and keep me from self-importance; I beg pardon for my many sins, omissions, infirmities, as a man, as a minister; please command Thy blessing on my weak, unworthy labours, and on the message of salvation given; please stay with Thy people, and may Thy presence be their portion and mine. #RandolphHarris 20 of 21

When I preach to others please let not my word be merely elegant and masterly, my reasoning polished and refined, my performance powerless and tasteless, but may I exalt Thee and humble sinners. O Lord of power and grace, all hearts are in Thy hands, all events at Thy disposal, set the seal of Thy almighty will upon my ministry. The Apostles’ Creed, scholars believe, dates from After Death 250 and is the oldest creedal affirmation to attain universal acceptance. The purpose of the Creed is to make a Trinitarian confession and to affirm our solidarity with the universal Church of the ages. To do this properly the Creed must never be recited, but confessed. That is, one’s heart and mind must work together to genuinely affirm authentic belief. The “Gloria Parti” (Doxology) is mean to draw us upward in music for the purpose for which we have come—to give glory to God. It should be sung with our whole heart. O God, Who restores us unto eternal life by Christ’s Resurrection, fulfill the ineffable mystery of Thy loving-kindness; that when our Saviour shall come in His majesty, as Thou hast made us to be regenerated in Baptism, so Thou mayest make us to be clothed with a blessed immortality; through the same our Lord Jesus Christ. #RandolphHarris 21 of 21

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