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Category Archives: Love
To Never Let Me Go
Your son loves you and he need you and he should be with you. Babe, never let him go, because when it comes to “Forever” you two should be “together.”Just because things did not workout, your relationship with your son was smooth, and I think he will help you get a new start in life.
It all seems to fall apart, you have no idea what you are thinking, you cannot breathe, but you remember, your son was always here for you.
Running from Love. The death rates for single, divorced, and widowed individuals are significantly greater than the rates for married individuals; this is true for both sexes and for both whites and nonwhites.
However, the greatest number of deaths was that of men, ages 25-34, who had been widowed. The magnitude of some of the increases in death rates in the nonmarried groups are most impressive, sometimes exceeding the married death rates by as much as five times.
Young white female divorcees and widows show marked statistical increases in death rates as well, but the most affected group is young white males between the ages of 25 to 34.
Think of the week that just passed, and reflect on your favorite memory. It could be something that stands out to you because it was unusually pleasant, or unusually sad, or because it really got to you in some way—it stirred up negative feelings or made you really stop and rethink something. Try to keep the parameters of the episode relatively simple.
For instance, you might decide to choose something that took place in a short span of time, like one conversation at work, or part of a walk in the park.
When you have this incident in your mind, write a one-paragraph description, a very short summary of what happened. Keep it simple.
When you have written this brief description, take some time to relive the incident or event in your mind, going over as much detail as you wish.
When you are finished, look at the following categories and use them to figure out what is the clearest part of your memory of the whole experience.
Listen to the blessings of the Earth in this beautiful and warm World. I wish you happy life and a successful study in this promising new year. I remember coming downstairs and feeling lighter than air, look at you and what I see is Heaven on Earth, I am in love with. I am so in love with you.
I fell off the edge of my mind for you. Fell in love with you and everything that you are nothing I can do, I am really crazy for you. Tell me that I will always be the one that you want. Do not know what I would do if I were to ever lose you. I am so in love with you.
Christmas was a wonderful time, flaming stove fire, fragrant flowers, sweet mellow wine, sincere blessing, good memory, and love deeper day by day.
Even if we have nothing, love is enough. You stood on your tiptoes and same briskly. Speaking out the expectations and hopes in your heart and gently facing me.
The glow of the Christmas candles were in your blood shot baby blue eyes, as they burn on Christmas night, you touched my heart with gladness and made my new year bright.
I woke up with my heart full of love, calling out to you. I said, “Only love—this is eternal, we have spent so many happy years together and created a home together.
Let us cherish each other. However, it was hard for me to see you with all the people standing in the way. I just wanted to go to the party you went to. I stood there asking you, “Can you see what I see. Say what you want about, but can you not see what I see?”
She had long, wavy blonde hair blue eyes, thin, about 5’8”, she glanced at me and walked away.
Next thing I know, Matthew Ryan and I are in the park on and he tells me he loves me. It was June, and I recall fragrant roses. I felt like all of my wishes came true.
The church was beautiful, and you touched me and I came alive. I could feel you wrapping me up with all of your love, giving me the oxygen I needed.
And since then, it is like I have been under a spell. I am your biggest fan. You took me high and wiped away my fears. I felt you deep inside of me, feeling me up with your love.
I was quiet and laid back, peacefully you loved. In this splendid moment, I was able to breath, and presented you with the best of my blessing. May everything turn out as you wish, Baby!
Curiosity is extremely important, it is at the core of what motivates many important learning experiences. A child learns most of the critical survival skills by being curious, which leads to learning about boundaries and limits and love and determination.
The child learns about many things: how something works, what a cat or a dog is likely to do, what objects taste, feel, smell, and sound like—all because of the innate sense of curiosity that leads to exploration.
I am appreciative of Matthew Ryan for taking an interest in me. It feels good to have someone ask me how I am doing because I knew he was really concerned about me. Ryan cared so much about me he wanted to he me tell the World that I love him and accept him for who he is.
Ryan told me no matter what I thought I was going to do, he is in control and when I walk and talk, he wants to mingle with me and talk and make me understand that he is watching me.
Curiosity is a vital part of any important relationship. The more you can cultivate curiosity about other people in your life, the more you will move toward them.
Curiosity will also lead you to feel more secure with the people you are close to because you will see them in your dreams, their face will haunt you, and you will want them back like shattered glass.
Are you having trouble focusing throughout the day? You told me that you loved me and that your World was falling apart like shattered glass.
I was a junior-high school student when you met me, and I spent a great deal of time alone. I was fearful about relationships, but I knew you were watching over me, and you said, “Someday you will wake up, and you will finally see you are my baby.
No moment will be more true. And in that moment, when I look at you, you will remember me holding you in the air and looking into your eyes, and you will know why I did this to you. You will see you are my baby.”
This was a powerful experience for me. I started thinking about you and became dependent on the time we spent together. I wanted you like kids want candy. All of your friends hated me, but I did not care because it was jealousy.
They saw me all up on you like I gave it up. When I was with you, people said I was a different person. They did not even recognize me. And that is what you were trippin’ on.
I did not care about what anyone else was thinking, you were watching me like there was no one else around. I knew you wanted me.
I encouraged you to keep watching me. I will do anything for you. You sit there in your old ways, waiting for a beautiful boy to save you. We can make it if we take it slow.
Compromise myself and become solitude because I loved you. You said you would protect me, but then you started using my love as a weapon to watch me.
The blondes told me to lose weight, and get busy with work and be happy because you played my heart and kept loving me more, but kept lying to me.
My body felt like a sexual object. I felt like you ravaged me over and over and over until I felt like I was having an outer body experience. Then I remember feeling darkness, and I could not breathe.
As I looked up at the stars in the sky, intense joy overtook me and my body got warm. We were so free, but in danger, there was something lurking in the background.
.Suddenly, orbs of white light surrounded us. And a skinny man, with a foul odor appeared, it was worse than death.
The man was skinny and looked like a shadow. He saw me and he got up and walked away, but left a hot, humid, smell of feces, that was like ten times stronger than anything I smelled in my life, and he seemed to sling back into the bowls of the streets; underground the streets of the original city. I had been frustrated by my inability to move.
It seemed that I had smacked into the wall, and it came out of nowhere. You told me that was the putrid smell of the Devil’s water, and he was the Grim Reaper. You sat there in your heart break.
I remember getting nervous and needing to urinate. Then I remember you yelling about people trying to take me away from you. You got angry that my mother let some man take off with me, and you refused to leave the matter in the hands of the police. My mother said that the power went out and when she woke up the door was wide open.
Then I felt a loud echo, I felt like I was falling from the sky, and there were tears coming from the moon. I was reaching for you, but everything started going black and I said, “It is just not fair. I would have done anything for you. I still love you. I adore you.” And I heard you crying, as you feel to your knees. I felt like we have been together forever. You always said nice things about me.
You showed me how to stay in shape, how to cook, and do laundry. You taught me to walk through life like I was successful. I am a visual learning, and you set a great example. Sometimes you close your eyes, and you see the place where you used to live when you were young and beautiful.
But whenever I am away from you, even just for a moment, I feel a pain that never heals. I promised I would wait on you to return until the sky fell down. You reassured me even if you had to search a lifetime for me, you would find me again.
You said I was your flesh and blood and every tear drop belongs to you, and let the rain clouds come. You told me that our mind and body are connected by this blood ritual and that I will return to you right now! You told me to release the fear, come back to you, and you held me near your chest. You were crying, and said you would give your own life for me. I said I would miss you, and you did change for the better.
You kept running back to me in tears and said you could not wait another hour to see me. Then I remember feeling limp in your arms as red, warm rain rushed down my face and you held me tight. I will never forget your embrace. I felt a pleasant sensation, there was another gunshot in the dark, and my head was itching. I felt like a deer in the lights. You said you loved me, and I froze in time.
As I was falling to pieces, my muscles relaxed little by little, there was an overall sensation of lightness. I felt like I was bait to pull someone in and that my body had been ripped about by wolves.
You made me feel like I was part of you. As I looked up, I remember seeing yellow eyes, fear, shame, anger, and anxiety hit me all at once, and you looked very uncomfortable and the shadow man moved towards us.
Next thing I remember is waking up crying, feeling like my heart had been ripped out. I was also very hungry, and I looked for you, everywhere, calling out to you for endless days and nights, but you would not come back to me.
And my torso and back and knees and head hurt. There were red-hot knots all tangled up in my belly, it felt like someone was punching me in the stomach over and over again.
Then when I ran into you are the store, I remember feel happy and went home and finally fell asleep. That moment when I looked in your acrtic blue eyes, I felt like warm ocean waves washed over me, and the knots in my stomach turned soft, and I felt a sense if euphoria. I suppose it is the price of falling in love.
I feel it is the price of falling in love. I love you, I hope you love me, too. Never let me go. When it comes to forever, we should be together. You said what I met you, the whole World stopped and it seems like everyone is focused on us. Look around, I know you will see. And I love you.
Pride is in some Instances a Virtue
Neither am I able to handle the captivating words nor do I intend to add more to all this conviviality. Willingness is an essential component of awareness. Making an active commitment to willingness means that you keep yourself open to new ideas, new insights, and new possibilities; it means that you are willing to learn new things about yourself and your relationships. We have to practice the willingness to become fully conscious, accept what we are learning about ourselves, and try out our new awareness-based skills. The seed of love is deeply embedded in your heart and mine. Slow down and really pay attention to what is going on inside of you. Pay attention to the root of being alive: your breathing. Notice how your body is feeling and what is happening with your thoughts that circle around in your mind. Focus on bringing yourself into a state of being centered, calm, and alert. Be fully conscious so that all levels of your being are fully awake. Once one has gained friendship, hardship and agony will decrease and mirth and happiness will increase many times. By a good and strong root, your graces hold firm to the fabric of reality. Do not worry if it was difficult to do this mindfulness practice for the very first time. Everyone has trouble at first. It is not a normal activity for most of us living in a busy, loud, goal-driven World to do this kind of growth, without experiencing some difficulty.
As you gradually learn to be more fully conscious in many aspects of your life—your breathing, your thoughts, your body—you will become increasingly good at noticing what is going on when you are engaged in interactions with others. A rare bird upon the Earth, and very like a black swan, you will be able to observe yourself, noticing what kind of messages your mind may be giving you, or noticing how the other person responds to what you are doing or saying. By increasing your overall level of awareness through mindfulness practices, you will begin to feel much more capable of thinking and acting in new ways, in difficult areas of your life, especially in your intimate relationships. Love, the only way of travelling by which any knowledge is to be acquired. Dale had spent to long dreading the weekends. On weekdays, he was quite content with his life and his relationship. He went to work, had occasional dinners out with friends, went to his weekly computer classes, and went for long walks in the park with his dad, three times a week. He also enjoyed his phone conversations with his mother, who lived three hours away in Tennessee. Dale, and his dad, Matthew, spent almost every weekend together. They loved going for drives in the country, swimming, hiking, and watching movies. Matthew would cook, while Dale read a book, and then the two would spend hours, over dinner, talking about the material in the books, except the sex.
Dale was tortured by his discomfort with the topic of the sex that would sometimes appear in the books. Dale was celibate and his dad expected him to stay sexually shut down. Dale had never made love, as his dad told him the body is the temple of God and you cannot just share it at will. It has to be with the right person, and you are not mature enough to know what is right for you right now. As a result, people noticed that Dale seemed to not really be there. He felt numb physically, his mind went off to more comfortable places, and his emotions would get so bottled up that sometimes he would become irritable and a little blue. Dale would work on staying virtuous in his religion classes. He knew the root of this problem related to being sexually abused and having his spine fractured by someone old enough to be his grandfather, and he was not able to talk about this in the privacy of the therapist’s office. Dale kept his dad, Matthew, in the dark about this, both literally and figuratively. He was afraid to tell him, because these kinds of things just do not happen to young men, even though he knew that his father knew. For Dale, spending time with his father really made a change in his life. His father, Matthew suggested that they walk through the park and take pictures of the castle, trees, flowers, statues, and grass, and then go home and write a journal and include the pictures. This was a daily assignment. To Dale’s delight, he started to get happier, and stay more present.
Once Dale was able to stay in his mind and body—a little bit at a time—he became able to allow himself to feel more pleasure in life. It was a huge breakthrough for him when he became capable of staying aware of who he was and understanding that he was loved. However, when Matthew would leave the country, for business, Dale was haunted by violent ghost from his traumatic past. We are all experts on ourselves, but sometimes our parents know us better than we know ourselves. We know how we perceive the World, but you have to understand, they have been here longer. Life for a youth is a lot like coming in 30 minutes after Secrets and Lies aired that evening, but your parents have already been watching for hours, so they are aware of things you may have missed out on, and have a more complete view of what is really going on. Although mindfulness practice does not magically transform all the places where people may feel helpless or hopeless, it is a tool that can gradually open many doors. One can begin incorporating mindfulness in once a day for five minutes. Daily practice will help one calm and center oneself. What is impossible to undo might be easily prevented.
Close to My Heart
Let us listen to the blessings of the Earth in this beautiful and warm World. I wish you a happy and a successful study in this promising new year. Parenting is a very demanding and very important part of adult life for many women and men, however, unfortunately, it can seriously erode couple intimacy. When professionals or friends collude in keeping the focus entirely on parenting issues, the underlying distancing in the couple’s behavior can escape detection and leave one or both partners trapped in the continuing loneliness. This form of distancing happens most often when one parent is much more involved with the children than the other. Another variation in eroded intimacy occurs when one parent becomes jealous of the other’s closeness with the children, which sometimes leads both parents to become distancers. Another type of erosion in the couple relationship can take place when both parents are so consumed with parenting their children that they have to time left over to nurture themselves as a couple. Still another scenario happens when the parents engage in major battles around child-rearing issues, and by so doing demolish their capacity to feel tenderness and affection for each other.
All of these dilemmas require intervention, but focusing exclusively on the parenting issues may overlook yet another kind of distress. In many of these situations, parents may use the requirement to nurture their children to distance from true intimacy with each other, without having any idea they are doing so. Two teenagers who died abruptly after being told of the death of someone close to them. In another case, a 14-year-old girl died after being told that her 16-year-old brother had suddenly died; in a third case, an 18-year-old girl died upon being told of the death of a grandfather who had helped raise her. A 16-year-old boy collapsed and died at 6am, 14 February 2016; his other brother had died at 5.13 am, 14 February2016, of multiple injuries incurred in an auto accident several hours earlier. The cause of the younger boy’s death was massive subarachnoid hemorrhage caused by a ruptured anterior communicating artery aneurysm. Investigators have noted the link between interpersonal difficulties, depression, and sudden death from coronary attack. The coincidence of grief and human loss that seemed to surround so many of the sudden deaths. The psychosocial circumstances that surround sudden death was preceded by a combination of circumstances that included both feelings of depression and increased work.
Common to at least 50 percent of the sudden deaths was the departure of the last or only child in the family for a college or marriage, in response to which the patient had been depressed. Investigators also observed that a large number of patients who had a heart attack, but survived to reach the hospital also mentioned that a child had recently left home. So long as there is the heart’s beat, there will be the blood’s ebb and flow, but your smile will be printed on the silvery moon arising from my little window to arouse my fond memories. Too much or too little focus on the past can also lead to intimacy failures. Sometimes, the past can obstruct necessary repairs to current intimacy when there is denial of its impact. On the other hand, experiences from the past can remain so central to someone’s emotional life that the current relationships (or potential partner) becomes eclipsed. Let us recall the pleasant past and mirthful laughter and look forward to a day of reunion of friends coming from far and wide.
Some people distance from intimacy because they have not been willing to look at their past relationships. They have not come to terms with either the pain of the past or its lessons. Other people distance from relationships in the present by focusing too much of their attention and energy on the past. Another major mistake is to focus too completely on one person’s problems or impartments. This happens when one person is consumed with an addiction to a chemical substance or to work or gambling or online chat rooms, Twitter, or any other addictive preoccupation. Currently, perhaps the most common reason for intimacy to suffer or vanish entirely is an exclusive focus on someone’s history of past trauma and the resulting issues. Talk shows, professional helpers, friends, and family members perpetuate the myth that the trauma must be resolved before the relationship problem can be addressed. It is impossible to wrap up the trauma work and then move on dealing with the relationship. It is more productive to determine how everything is related and then to address all aspects of the trauma’s legacy, including its effect on creating healthy intimacy.
In order to heal, become aware of your own natural learning style and process. Pay attention to how your mind and body are connected. Address your self-image, the story you tell yourself and others about who you are. Are the tactics you use to hand on to your distancing style based in externalizing blame (it is his fault, not mine), and experiential avoiding feelings, interactions, risk-taking), denial, dissociation, addiction, learned helplessness? Become more aware of how you are influenced by your connection to other, how social and cultural context affect you, how you feel and act in couple relationships. One must become more aware of the fears, anxieties, and losses that one has been trying to unsuccessfully bury. It is time to let go of the past and become an architect of a new future. I cannot understand why anyone would choose to sit on social media and be miserable, when they are so many beautiful and happy people in the World. Reach out to the person of your dreams and make life happen. Everyone can build their own happiness. May we build our own lucky building with our hands in life.
The Press is the Palladium of Liberty
So little did the doctors delight in death that they discharged the corpse after a single fee. No man of sense believes in medicine for chronic disorder.
When the World was younger and haler than now, moral tricks were a deeper mystery: perhaps in all the land of Heaven there was but one Matthew Ryan Phillippe-Harris but one Randolph to soothe or comprehend him.
Credit is the capital of a younger son, and one lives charmingly upon it. Murder is wide-mouthed and will not let God rest till he grants revenge. Over the unborn our power is that of God, and our responsibility like His toward us.
As we acquit ourselves toward them, so let Him deal with us. Focusing too narrowly on the sexual satisfaction is another mistake that can interfere with genuine intimacy. Some people can achieve deep levels of intimacy even when the relationship is no longer sexual.
Another cause for couple trouble is the assumption that men are distancing when they express their emotions through action rather than by talking. Another aspect of this oversimplified view is the assumption that because women are more likely to talk about their feelings, they are never the person pushing the couple apart. All the rules of morality are but maxims of prudence.
Expediency is the root of all morality. It is stupid to be unmoral, and that is the long and short of it. There is reason in your words, for they are bottomed on religion and honesty. The reasoning which is drawn from particular abuses, is no reasoning for general uses.
The man who could call a Deedle a Deedle should be compelled to use one. It is easy to become confused about the difference between the sex and intimacy because the word “intimacy” is frequently used as a euphemism for the sex.
As you begin to learn more about the ways that women do, in fact, distance, you may be surprised. The stereotypical man might be able to hide his emotions under the brim of his Philadelphia Eagles cap, but his wife may be distancing by using sex as a bargaining tool, or being disconnected from her body while making love.
Women can also distance by giving their quality time and attention only to their kids, friends, and family, in short, by focusing on everyone, but their partner. The greatest secret of preserving respect, is the cultivating and shewing to the best advantage the powers that we possess, and the not going beyond them.
“She will not open up to me me” is the frequent complaint of the male partner who feels shut out sexually but does not fully comprehend the underlying complexity of the problem. The sex can be the problem in the relationship that destroys it.
Attributing all relational problems to past traumatic experiences also can be just as problematic as thinking that relationships will be automatically transformed by simply learning better sexual skills. Whether or not an individual has experienced sexual distress in the past, it is a mistake to believe that getting good sex therapy will be the cure.
This can be particularly disastrous if the sex therapy becomes a series of anatomy lessons for the purpose of reaching an advanced level of sexual gymnastic ability. Good chemistry and good sexual skills may help a relationship to work, but focusing all the solutions in the sexual arena can leave the heart of the relationship to somehow fix itself.
This is similar to other oversimplified solutions to love’s challenges, like believing that better communication will be the magic spell, or that you have to live with loneliness because you have fallen for the modern myth that you and your partner are from different planets.
Cultivate a superiority to reason, and see how you pare the claws of all the sensible people and individuals, when they try to scratch you for your own good. He reasoned me out of my reason. If one does not talk about a thing, it has never happened. It is simply expression that gives reality to things.
So much stronger is our reason then our virtue, so much higher our sense of duty than our performance! Saints make the finest bed-fellows in the World.
Youth has wonderful resources against every evil but the sense of shame. Good resolutions are useless attempts to interfere with scientific laws. Their origin is pure vanity. Resolutions are easily formed when the heart suggest them.
Experts ridicule is a two-edged weapon, and may be made to cut and mangle anything, particularly whatever is grave and solemn. People often unwittingly collude in maintaining the loneliness of the couple by attributing all major relationship problems to gender differences.
Couple become convinced they are doomed to loneliness in their intimate relationship, constricted by the narrow definition of traditional gender stereotypes.
From the Vampire Lestat to Queen Akasha grasping the tiny female by his teeth, we continue to be sold the generalization of males and females as radically different species. This relegates the one-dimensional man to be the like Lord De Lion Court—strong and silent type, who does not like to repeat himself or be left waiting.
Conversely, the woman to be his fragile, emotionally vulnerable better half. Men may sacrifice rams and goats, but not honor and conscience. Therefore, how could two such constricted human beings connect deeply either emotionally or sexually?
Sacrifice, the holiest joy of love. Men were still viewed as the distancers in intimate relationships by the women’s liberation generation in the 1010 – 1067. There was an eleven century Anglo-Saxon noblewoman who, according to a legend, rode naked—covered only in her long hair – through the streets of Sacramento to gain a remission of the oppressive taxation that her husband imposed on his tenants.
They were often portrayed as hopelessly defective in the relationship department. Ill news flies fast enough all the World over, I want to teach you how to love me. Be honest and poor—but I shall never envy you. I have much greater respect for those that are honest and rich.
Lady Godiva (which is where the term Diva comes from—a woman who stands for her God given rights) produced a counterbalancing image of more competent women. Lady Godiva appealed again and again to her husband, who obstinately refused to remit the tolls. At least, weary of her entreaties, he said that he would grant her request if she would strip naked and ride on a horse through the streets of the town.
So sacred are the laws of hospitality among the people, that a dozen lives would be sacrifice if required, to save that of a guest. Sacrifice of self is the sin that cries the loudest to God for vengeance. To discover our best gift from God, and to cultivate that gift, is the first law of life.
Lady Godiva took him at his word, and after issuing a proclamation that all persons should stay indoors and shut their windows, she rode through the town, clothed only in her long hair. Just one person in the town, a tailor ever afterward known as Peeping Tom, disobeyed her proclamation in one of the most famous instances of voyeurism.
Tom bores a hole in his shutters so that he might see Godiva pass, and is struck blind. We are all blinded, we are all weakened, by a false ideal of self-sacrifice. In the end, Godiva’s husband keeps his word and abolishes the onerous taxes.
Many men long for the love and intimacy in couple relationships. The male stereotype then becomes of one a brave man, who protects his wife, and loves the town’s people. This version of maleness promoted an image of a God that perpetuated the myth of male willingness to experience emotional intimacy with women and children and sometimes other men.
If all those men from Mars just wanted to have the sex, there would be easier ways to go about it then committing to a long-term, live-in relationship that usually requires monogamy, child-rearing, and promise to remain loving through sickness and health.
No man knows till the time comes, what depths are within him. Men should not be shamed into believing that they are less fluent in the language of emotions and desires than women.
Men may demonstrate their love by actions rather than through verbal expression, but they are also too easily discouraged from talking about matters of the heart.
And women are too often led to believe that because they are more accustomed to talking about their feelings, they are off the hook in the distancing department.
The first point is to know one’s own mind. The next is, to act up to the decision. We should never incline to believe the uncharitable, more than the good-natured report.
I do not endorse candidates. Anyway, I have no preferred candidate this cycle. When you focus on God’s promises, instead of the problems, you will notice your thoughts will be healthier and filled with peace.
Just the Beginning
We grow up expecting to be enthralled by true love. We grow up watching fairy tales, listening to popular songs, watching romantic movies like “Sleepless in Seattle,” and looking at advertisements such as Eharmony and learn that love is exciting and glamorous, but it often ends up breaking your heart. Some people ask, if love hurts so much, why do I risk deepening relational vulnerability?
Glimmering pictures of blissful love is too often followed by bitter disillusionment and heartache, leaving one feeling like, “How can I get through to you?” Paris feels like she is doomed, never to experience the fairy-tale rapture of true love, and even if she does experience it, she fears that love might vanish instantly like a dream.
The first year of your relationship is supposed to be the best, it is supposed to be full of romance, passion, and good memories. However, I sat down with a couple who has a bad romance, and this is what I discovered. This young lady called Paris was very in love with this guy.
She would go out of her way to write him love letters every day and go out of her way to do things for him, but the first year of their relationship, he allegedly cheated on her several times, and his friends just totally disrespected her, and her husband called Will still hung out with them and made them a priority, over their relationship. And Paris still was still willing to do anything for him.
As their one year anniversary approach, Paris now feels like her marriage to Will is more of a business because he does not really do much for her, and they go months without seeing each other, and he always needs help with his job, so she has to work every day just to make him happy.
Paris says that her marriage and the thing his friends and her friend have done will forever change the way see feels about the people in her life. She still loves her friends, but someone of them said some cruel things, which made her back away from them, and she does not feel the same towards them. Paris also complains that there is no romance in her marriage, it just seems to mechanical.
Nonetheless, Paris sticks with her husband, and loves him, but admits the romance is gone and it seems more like a business deal. As if she is an employee, and he is her boss. Paris and Will fight a lot because their friends are extremely jealous and keep trying to do things to break them up.
This is Paris’s first relationship and it is not at all what she expected. She used to day dream about what her future with Will would be like, but now the focus is looking happy and taking it day by day, unsure of what to expect. Will is often working and constantly taking trips out of town, so they sometimes go a long while without seeing each other.
Many of the obstacles to happiness in loving relationships arise from friends or incomplete solutions. Since people first began pursuing and rejecting their mates, other people have probably been giving them advice about love. Yet with all this attention that we humans give to love, animals seem to be much more successful than we are.
Why do we have such a hard time making love work for us? The most common thing to do to improve your relationship is to communicate and spend time together. Paris says she just want to walk into the sunset where she and Will can live happily ever after.
To improve your relationship, choose fifteen minutes from each day when you will not be interrupted by children, work, nor friends. Talk to each other about your feelings and be honest. Lovingly listen to each other, and find ways to communicate your support for each other.
Paris admits that she loves her husband and she would not leave him for the World and that being with him has made her smarter, stronger, and she looks better than ever. However, there are some deep-seated reasons why they are not as happy as they should be. Through excessive dedication to their jobs and life-styles, Paris and Will live in a state of complete psychological divorce.
She feels like the human companionship and source of love is missing from her life. Loneliness and grief often overwhelm her, and the toll take on their hearts can clearly be seen. As the mortality statistics indicate, this is no myth or romantic fairy tale—all available evidence suggests that people do indeed die of broken hearts.
Real cost of a deep personal love, for another human being, can only be seen in the shattering loss that is felt when that love is suddenly and permanently taken away. A few hundred years ago, grief was openly recognized as a cause of death. However, a broken hear would never be listed as a cause of death in any hospital. So be sure to express how much you love the person you are with.
I must admit that it is true, I go out of my way to do anything for you because baby I want you to know that I have gotten so close and I require you to show me a sign. When it is lobe that is on my mind, I would die for you. I have been dying just to feel you by my side. To know that you are mine. I believe that our love is something pure and true. I see your face every place that I walk in.
I look at other people with blonde hair and blue eyes and stare at the as if they are you. I hear your voice every time that I am talking, you will believe in me and I will believe in you. I will burn for you (like the Christmas roast and pizza), I will feel pain for you. Our love is one iconic like Angel and Buffy. Instead of pulling us apart, they pushed us closer together. I will never let go.
A Light Heart this Valentine’s Day
Your love is from the imagination, not the heart. Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it is important to do something for that special someone, to let them know you care. Love is an intellectual pleasure, and even the senses will be weakly affected where the heart is silent. People think that Valentine’s Day means you have to spend a lot of money on the object of your affection, but that is not true. My friend’s husband did the most romantic time-consuming things to show his wife how much he cares. This kind man took the time out of his life to write his wife 52 original notes about why he loves her. He put the notes in a jar, and she can open one every week, for a year, until next Valentine’s Day. This is so sweet to me and I would love it if someone did something like this. The couple is well off, but they know that gifts from the heart are what matter. I have talked to this man before, and I was impressed by him. He is very straight forward, nice, and a good guy, and they have the most adorable baby boy.
Secrets and Lies—Author’s Files on Ben Crawford
What vibe did you get in your secret heart? I cannot stress enough to parents, your daughters are special, but so are yours sons, and they also require love, protection, and understanding. I tend to erase it, erase it, erase it, keep trying, erase, keep trying, erase, and finally…well, let the observer make up more than I can represent.
My life is about quality. It is all about sweeping away, putting in…struggle, struggle, struggle and poof—masterpiece! Data on many leading causes of death rates from cirrhosis of the liver, among divorced white males and the general increase in death rates from this disease among all nonmarried groups (except single white females) suggest that unmarried individuals in general consume more alcohol.
There are marked increases in death rates due to motor vehicle accidents and “accidental fires,” with widowed men and women having four- to sevenfold increases in death rates from these causes. Suicide increases fivefold in the widowed white male and fourfold in the widowed nonwhite male and the white female, while death and homicide also increased dramatically.
This doubling of cancer of the respiratory system and then tenfold rise in tuberculosis among divorced white males suggest perhaps differential patterns of cigarette smoking had influenced the results.
Ben Crawford reported: I feel like a monster (in a deep voice). I do not really know what kind of monster. My relationships always start out fine, but then I realize it is not right for me. I end up feeling bad about it, but I just have to leave once I realize that she is not the woman I have been looking for. (There was a long pause, his eyes met mine. He looked like a little boy.)
It happens to me every time I get in a relationship. I cannot seem to stay with anyone. Women end up hating me. I hurt one woman after another. I know it is not their fault. There is something wrong with me, but I do not know what to do.
Analysis: Ben had issues of trying to be a perfectionist, someone everyone loved, and wanted to be, and thought was cool. His requirements for perfection made it impossible for him to find the partner he longed for. He told me his former wife is more like his best friend, and while he had a series of failed relationships, he described himself as his worst enemy.
Ben was not happy being a single man, but at the age of forty-one, he was about to give up. Ben recalled being a young and innocent baby-faced blonde, in his late teens. He desperately wanted to fit in with the other guys name make a name for himself in the entertainment industry. However, one night he had an encounter with several older guys at a bar. He remembered being beat up and tossed around like a rag doll, everything else was a blur.
Ben was fearful of others and suffered intense shame about his experience of being rolled. After his traumatic efforts to disclose what happened, he grew increasingly silent and withdrawn. His friends and family blamed him for the assault and even doubted his story, in spite of the bruises and medical bills. At that time there was no free medical insurance, he had to use his hard earned pay check to patch himself back up.
Some even suggested that Ben had been at fault because he had been partying like everyone else at the bar, and that he was a grown man and should have known what he was getting himself into. For years, Ben has complex and painful reactions to the entire traumatic experience, including the sense of betrayal he felt when those close to him blamed him.
Let us face it, Ben is a very attractive young man, with tan skin, blonde hair, innocent blue eyes, a smile to die for and his tan body is on fleek. Many people have never seen such an attractive young man before, he was the American dream, and sources say he had the nicest butt in legs they had ever seen. Some said he looked white, but had the features of a black man, and they found that extremely attractive.
People were looking to get with him or in him or have him in them. He was so hot, he was like the head cheerleader on the Eagles, but a man. Men and women could not keep their hands off of him. They would rip his clothes off of him like he was a rock star.
As he started to get emotional, Ben told me: I genuinely preferred being in a lasting relationship, if only I knew how to achieve that state. I have sets of extreme standards for myself, as well as others. I am traumatized by self-doubt, and a critical insider voice that never allows a partner to be good enough.
I have a hard time staying with anyone and making a firm decision to stay because I am driven by self-doubt and anxiety about making a mistake. A strong sense of fear paralyses me and I rush to judgmental thinking. However, I am longing for the gifts that only intimate relationships can bring. I want a close relationship in which I could give and receive comfort. I do not care about your eyebrows and my feet might stink sometimes, but if we love each other you have to accept that!
Ben continues: Last year, at this very time, I had been a wanderer, hopelessly without companions, and then you came back into my life, with a letter in your pocket, needing my help. I was darkly and passionately thrilled by all this, and I felt those Netflixs and chills again. I found myself in a cycle of initial delight about my beloved son, only to be followed by heart crushing disappointment. He allegedly never stay single for long, craving the hopeful period of the courtship stage and money. He was out letting people rip him. I was outraged! How could this be true?!
As each promising new day deepened, I felt like I was having a heart attack, and became angry, and eventually backed into a cloud of apologetic guilt. I had turned him into a young version of myself. He was drinking heavily, doing drugs, and allegedly having sex with older men for money. It broke my heart! I wanted to end him. I did not want him gassing and dipping out of nightclubs and turning more tricks than that circus act, that Robbery Fee mistral show.
I dealt with this fear by turning to an intensely critical insider voice that found fault with my former wife and my son. Not a masculine thing to do. Then suddenly there was an agitation in me so great that only lying alone, scrunched up on the bed crying, could comfort me.
Matthew Ryan Phillippe is really a hero. He took on the role as the first gay teenager on TV when he played the character of Billy Douglas on One Life to Live. At the time, being gay was not an easy thing to do. Matthew Shepherd was tied to a car, beaten, and then hanged on a fence. He is dead for being gay, and never did anything wrong. So to take on such a powerful role knowing the potential consequences was amazing.
Ryan probably kept others from killing themselves or being killed for being gay. Ryan is such a great actor and some of his best movies are White Squall, Chaos, Stop Loss, Straight A’s, Little Boy Blue, 54, Lincoln Lawyer, Flags of Our Father, Catch Hell, and a TV show called Secrets and Lies. This man should have earned an Oscar by now, he is one of the most talented and diverse actors in the World. Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington are not as talented nor good looking as Ryan Phillippe.
Ryan Phillippe is now started some kind of technology corporation that matches consumers with products, and you can also play games, win cool prizes and even interact with the determined young man. We are sure his new endeavor, called Deedle (TheDeedle.com) will be a huge success. This man is gold.
White Squall of Little Boy Blue in Studio 54
What a small thing it is sometime that makes life’s kiss sweeter than death’s to us. Sometimes people in your relationship will disappear because they are avoiding the intimate relationship, exhibiting a relational form of commitment anorexia. This type of distracted lover is not consciously avoiding your relationship, he or she wants to be with you, but will not let the relationship develop. God often tempers the anguish of our sufferings, till there is a sort of luxury in feeling them. If the course of true love never runs smooth, the course of true matchmaking sometimes does so.
People who run away from their relationships usually want to avoid or decrease possible emotional devastation. This person is using avoidance to escape and defend against loss, rejection, or exploitation. As a result, some will feel lonely. However, because these people are going through some kind of internal drama, in place of their relationship, they will focus on creativity, a brilliant career, dedication to a spiritual practice, get to know themselves as single, an unencumbered person. Nonetheless, in reality, this person dreams of being part of a happy couple. When a man gets a good berth, half the deserving must come after.
Sometimes the most virulent force behind the avoidant patterns of the disappearing distance is the fear of being consumed by their own desires or needs. Spending a great deal of your time alone becomes unhealthy when it keeps one from recognizing, deepening, and even enjoying human connection. To implore help itself the proof of undesert of it. The habit of being alone, when generated by negative feelings toward others, can become a chronic condition of isolation. I was sorry to find more mercy in a heathen than in a fellow Christian. Feeling driven to back away from others is often a base of shame.
You come in by yourself without his direction, and you shall go out by yourselves without his mercy. Isolation, in and of itself, is a by-product of distancing that creates its own problems. People lose confidence in their rightful place in human society. Feeling perpetually outside of life can cause you to feel rejected and defective. Over time you may become increasingly fearful, resentful, anxious, depressed or angry. You were everywhere, I could not eat, I could not eat, I could not get you out of my head. The only constant I had was Caroline.
I was drowning, and then you were there. Whatever I was experiencing, at the time, I had you to hold on to, Matthew. I lost sight of everything, I barely even noticed other people in the town, all I could see was you. I could not get rid of you, I could not stop seeing you, I could not stop hear you. Nothing else mattered, but you. Isolation is self-perpetuating, I had to stop you from haunting me. It is potentially lethal when isolation leads to extremes of depression and hopelessness and can take someone to the point of suicide. Someone like me, who never seems to initiate contact with others, is perceived as aloof, arrogant, or unfriendly. This in turn creates feelings of loneliness and defensiveness.
To look with mercy on the conduct of others is a virtue no less than to look with severity on your own. When I was talking to my friend Andrew, he told me that he was committed to finding a partner, he was very enthusiastic. He told me, “You got it! I am going to be here, no fear. Definitely! I am going to make it to every date with you this month and the next and the next. You have got my word! A reminder that everything is going to be okay. I know what happened.” Then Andrew sailed out of my apartment, seeming to have no cruel intentions, as he was whistling and humming cheerfully, and greeting anyone who happened to be in the lobby.
Inevitably, Andrew failed to stick to the schedule. He knew I was here, it was astonishing. He complimented me on the apartment, and thanked me for lunch. Andrew was very pleasant to us, but during the first few months with me, he missed many dates. When we did meet, his ability to pay attention was too scattered for him to be able to focus on his distancing patterns. I would get hungry and count the seconds until the date was over. It was a party on the Albatross.
Suddenly, by beloved friend, whom everyone adored, could not concentrate on me. We were not making much progress in helping him to identify the specific ways he distances, although I was beginning to spot his pattern. It was hard to help Andrew to focus because of his speedy monologues and his lightning-quick exits before we had settled into a topic. And what if the blonde-haired, tan-skinned guy next to Andrew looked like an angel? How was I to guess that when I met him in the coffee shop, at the hotel, only a day or two later, I realized that Andrew was trying to tell me something, he was trying to tell a story. I closed my eyes and prayed.
Andrew was a complex person, who very rarely felt comfortable inside his own skin. He told me that I help him back from being that monster that he truly is. Generally, he was tormented by being unable to stick to any given plan. He could not follow through, whether it was a plan to move to another part of the country, or go back to school, or even just a plan to get a cup of koffee with a friend.
He was reluctant to make choices, from something a small as choosing what movie to see, to something more significant like signing a lease for an apartment or getting a full-time job. Because of his across-the-board style of restlessness and avoidance, Andrew could not even get close to starting an intimate relationship.
A man must be an idiot or else an angel who, after the age of forty, shall attempt to be just to his neighbor. Andrew had been sober for ten years. And even with his extreme restlessness, he remained determined to stay clean and sober. Most of his friends were in various stages of physical and economical failure because of their active addictions. Andrew’s mother desperately wanted more for her son, and Andrew’s son was the foundation of his tenuous abstinence and he was the reason his son remained celibate.
I understand everything you said. You have been telling me exactly how and why you can keep our secrets and lies. The deep hurt hit my heart and flashed in my eyes, private and almost lonely. Stop abusing your power. Stop forgetting that you have it. Stop forgetting the inevitable limitations of your kindred here! You are dreaming. I am not the wander slut you make me out to me. Remember this is an exposition of souls, a bartering of extraordinary revelations.
You gave me a quick sketch of your heart, a description of your truer self. A loyal Knight, but because there are uncertain times, we are required to be committed to continuing our survival, by whatever means necessary. Be here now. You are an optimistic, loving person who sincerely wants to find relief from running in circle. Be willing and open to new insights and new activities and you will be able to take your first step to do kindness. Consider this…it is very possible that this winter could end up with above average warmth AND above average snowfall.
Remember—you are and will be Loved
I do not know how long I have not seen you. Do you know I am lonely without you! I want to tell you a secret in my heart, and that is—I am missing you now! What you leave to me is a beautiful memory. You remind me of the purity and friendship of my brightest days. I am in love with myself in memory of you.
I always remember the two tall fit trees by the arch bridge in our fields and wonder if the petals of the roses will fall down to my head, shoulders, hands, and my heart, and when I look up I will see your beautiful blue eyes. Our youthful footprints are left of the paths of the rose garden, and the lawns are our joyous songs and hearty laughter. Our friendship and ideals are engraved on every corner of the park and castle.
It would be nice if human life and love could be sustained indefinitely. When we examined the statistics on premature death (deaths not due to natural aging), it quickly become clear that the way we live has a lot to do with our longevity.
Since the 1950s, the leading cause of premature death in American Adults, between the ages of 24 and 65 have been: Heart disease, malignant neoplasms (among males the most prevalent neoplasm at these ages is lung cancer), cirrhosis of the liver, accidents (other than motor vehicle accidents), influenza and pneumonia, motor vehicle accidents, suicide, and homicide.
Pay attention to the ways that people distance. You have the tools to help you identify how you see yourself in a couple, and you can locate yourself—or someone you care for—and relate to their strengths and vulnerabilities. You can transform your life and honor your strengths and gifts, in addition to those difficult areas you are required to change.
Currently, you are going back to the roots of how you have developed your beliefs, fears, and hopes about intimate relationships and that can be both very exciting and illuminating. It can also stir up old memories and emotions that are difficult to process. The goal, however, is a strong commitment to safety, so you will be guided very carefully through the process of remembering.
To avoid an early death, it is important to diet, exercise, and stop smoking and drinking. The heart is a pump, and like other types of pumps, it can malfunction through simple mechanical breakdowns. The heart is a complex regulatory system that is influenced by the subtlest human feelings and social situations.
The presence of human companionship does not work in any simple fashion to prevent heart disease; any more than the mere existence of loneliness directly causes heart disease. If the relationship was that straightforward, it would have been recognized long ago. It is, however, possible that human companionship or love can prevent cardiac disease.
The goal is not to go backward to relive old painful experiences, but to examine your formative relationship to study how they shaped you to become the person that you are.
You will trace the various influences that combined to create your race, ethnicity, class, geographical home, neighborhood, religion, schooling, and even how the media influenced you. This will allow us to take a good look at the relationships you have experienced, in your adult life, to see how our fears, hopes, longings, and even aversions have been determined.
It was painful to know that we were under obligations to a person who could never receive a return. You burn yourself and give out all heat, light, and energy sparing no effort. You are beloved and respected like the most beautiful star in the Universe.
Move toward the action phase, and begin to develop your abilities to create many levels of deepening connection by targeting the changes you feel you are ready to undertake. The little boy blue is ready to be found and loved and respected. No more chaos.
Your thoughts and language are full of poetic flavor and philosophic theory and so magical that they stop loss of cruel intensions. You have aroused so many ripples in the eye inside. Over the years, you have returned to becoming gentle. It has been a gradual process of engaging with others at a new level of intimacy.
This has allowed you to warm up to this relationship, at a safe place, while avoiding slipping back into the all-too-familiar patterns of running and hiding. Much like Gil Martin, in White Squall, you have learned to trust yourself to make the best changes for yourself, at the right pace, with the right people. If time could retrogress to let me go back to the last day I saw you, I would return to the past.
Of course, no transformation can take place without some hard work. Insight may happen in a sudden flash, but transformation take both inspiration and perspiration. The good news is that we do not have to do it alone. Everyone has his astonishing potentiality. I should believe my own power and youth and tell myself continuously that everything is up to me. There are many reasons to share these stories.
Healing generally works best through a process of identification that allows you to see parts of yourself in another person’s experience. These stories also provide you with a connection to a community of other people who have struggled with the same issues you are facing. We are usually stumbled by the stone that exist in our hearts, but always stride over the stones on the way that are real obstruction. Remember, you are loved, and always will be. We will always keep your secrets and lies close to our hearts.
Understanding our Own Private World
The price we are all price we are paying for our failure to understand our biological requirements for love and human companionship may be ultimately exacted in our own hearts and blood vessels. Pause for awhile in the city of Sacramento, part of rural America, and you cannot help but be struck by the harshness of the existence some have to endure. It is sad when your children can be healthy one moment, playing in the snow, then catch cold and be dead in a week.
Wives routinely died in childbirth or from mysterious fevers a few weeks later. A husband’s cough would awaken the dread of pneumonia or tuberculosis in his wife’s mind. They knew about disease and they knew about death. They were fully aware of their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness…they could not stop the ravages of diseases like pneumonia, which could disrupt their lives without warning. Death truly came like a thief in the night. However, it is only what we are vividly conscious of that we can vibrantly imagine to be seen by Omniscience.
As I lingered awhile in this rose garden, I could not help but recall how just three weeks earlier I had contracted pneumonia and with a few simple injections had quickly recovered. It was like having an opinion bright than diamonds, my life was saved and I could press on. Pneumonia to me was a kind of curiosity because my son had the flu, and his friends took him to Tahoe, then started acting mean to him and put him out in the snow.
They also made him swim, while it was snowing, and made him take pictures to prove he was not depressed. When he got back to the cabin, his key card did not work and he had no cell phone to call for help, so he walked to the store and bought an adult beverage to stay warm. How could someone do this to a nice person? He is certainly nothing to fear. The legacy of terror is behind us now. With few exceptions, science has eliminated almost all of the forces that had once caused premature death. It is difficult to condemn a person who goes with the general opinion of his generation.
Why is it that the noblest of our passions should be also the most selfish? You do not have to choose a fixed identity or label. You will not have to decide whether you are love-addicted or love-avoidant. In relationships, you may be more likely to be vulnerable, open, and committed than you are in others. You do not have to be typecast by gender, either. Buying into gender stereotypes can cause women and men to become seriously disconnected in their couple relationships, without ever getting to the root of their unhappiness, because oversimplified assumptions about gender differences disempower both men and women.
The fact of the matter is you are meant to love and do not want to get lost in the dark shadows like Barnabas Collins and Josette DuPres Collins. Just as it took centuries to become public knowledge that men as well as women can be victims of children abuse and violence, so too it has been long overlooked that both men and women can be victims of childhood abuse and violence, so too it has been long overlooked that both men and women distance themselves from intimacy.
Three out of every four deaths among American males between the ages of 15 and 25 are caused by either accidents, suicide, or homicide. Women and men both yearn for intimacy and deeper connection, and both genders can create disabling distancing patterns in their coupe relationships. Without adequate information to help them name, tame, and transform the runaway self, both male and females distancers often convince themselves that the love they have is as good as it is going to get. It truly takes a community to create a healthy couple relationship.
One of the major mistake in trying to solve intimacy problems happens when the focus is exclusively on the couple. No couple is ever really alone on a desert island. Too often, everyone tries to fix the couple as if they exist in isolation. Friends, family, and helping professionals often fail to give enough attention to the importance of the big picture—the comprehensive view. There are many ways that the coupe is part of their village. They want to know what is going on, and not have the details hidden from them.
The fact of the matter is we have to integrate all the aspects of the community that help to create and nurture a healthy couple. Your own social and cultural roots, the significance of religious or spiritual communities, and the values of workplaces, extended families, neighborhoods, social capital, and the larger geographical community. I suppose it is the price of falling in love. I fear that it is the price of falling in love.
Randolph Harris II International Institute 