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Remember—you are and will be Loved
I do not know how long I have not seen you. Do you know I am lonely without you! I want to tell you a secret in my heart, and that is—I am missing you now! What you leave to me is a beautiful memory. You remind me of the purity and friendship of my brightest days. I am in love with myself in memory of you.
I always remember the two tall fit trees by the arch bridge in our fields and wonder if the petals of the roses will fall down to my head, shoulders, hands, and my heart, and when I look up I will see your beautiful blue eyes. Our youthful footprints are left of the paths of the rose garden, and the lawns are our joyous songs and hearty laughter. Our friendship and ideals are engraved on every corner of the park and castle.
It would be nice if human life and love could be sustained indefinitely. When we examined the statistics on premature death (deaths not due to natural aging), it quickly become clear that the way we live has a lot to do with our longevity.
Since the 1950s, the leading cause of premature death in American Adults, between the ages of 24 and 65 have been: Heart disease, malignant neoplasms (among males the most prevalent neoplasm at these ages is lung cancer), cirrhosis of the liver, accidents (other than motor vehicle accidents), influenza and pneumonia, motor vehicle accidents, suicide, and homicide.
Pay attention to the ways that people distance. You have the tools to help you identify how you see yourself in a couple, and you can locate yourself—or someone you care for—and relate to their strengths and vulnerabilities. You can transform your life and honor your strengths and gifts, in addition to those difficult areas you are required to change.
Currently, you are going back to the roots of how you have developed your beliefs, fears, and hopes about intimate relationships and that can be both very exciting and illuminating. It can also stir up old memories and emotions that are difficult to process. The goal, however, is a strong commitment to safety, so you will be guided very carefully through the process of remembering.
To avoid an early death, it is important to diet, exercise, and stop smoking and drinking. The heart is a pump, and like other types of pumps, it can malfunction through simple mechanical breakdowns. The heart is a complex regulatory system that is influenced by the subtlest human feelings and social situations.
The presence of human companionship does not work in any simple fashion to prevent heart disease; any more than the mere existence of loneliness directly causes heart disease. If the relationship was that straightforward, it would have been recognized long ago. It is, however, possible that human companionship or love can prevent cardiac disease.
The goal is not to go backward to relive old painful experiences, but to examine your formative relationship to study how they shaped you to become the person that you are.
You will trace the various influences that combined to create your race, ethnicity, class, geographical home, neighborhood, religion, schooling, and even how the media influenced you. This will allow us to take a good look at the relationships you have experienced, in your adult life, to see how our fears, hopes, longings, and even aversions have been determined.
It was painful to know that we were under obligations to a person who could never receive a return. You burn yourself and give out all heat, light, and energy sparing no effort. You are beloved and respected like the most beautiful star in the Universe.
Move toward the action phase, and begin to develop your abilities to create many levels of deepening connection by targeting the changes you feel you are ready to undertake. The little boy blue is ready to be found and loved and respected. No more chaos.
Your thoughts and language are full of poetic flavor and philosophic theory and so magical that they stop loss of cruel intensions. You have aroused so many ripples in the eye inside. Over the years, you have returned to becoming gentle. It has been a gradual process of engaging with others at a new level of intimacy.
This has allowed you to warm up to this relationship, at a safe place, while avoiding slipping back into the all-too-familiar patterns of running and hiding. Much like Gil Martin, in White Squall, you have learned to trust yourself to make the best changes for yourself, at the right pace, with the right people. If time could retrogress to let me go back to the last day I saw you, I would return to the past.
Of course, no transformation can take place without some hard work. Insight may happen in a sudden flash, but transformation take both inspiration and perspiration. The good news is that we do not have to do it alone. Everyone has his astonishing potentiality. I should believe my own power and youth and tell myself continuously that everything is up to me. There are many reasons to share these stories.
Healing generally works best through a process of identification that allows you to see parts of yourself in another person’s experience. These stories also provide you with a connection to a community of other people who have struggled with the same issues you are facing. We are usually stumbled by the stone that exist in our hearts, but always stride over the stones on the way that are real obstruction. Remember, you are loved, and always will be. We will always keep your secrets and lies close to our hearts.
Understanding our Own Private World
The price we are all price we are paying for our failure to understand our biological requirements for love and human companionship may be ultimately exacted in our own hearts and blood vessels. Pause for awhile in the city of Sacramento, part of rural America, and you cannot help but be struck by the harshness of the existence some have to endure. It is sad when your children can be healthy one moment, playing in the snow, then catch cold and be dead in a week.
Wives routinely died in childbirth or from mysterious fevers a few weeks later. A husband’s cough would awaken the dread of pneumonia or tuberculosis in his wife’s mind. They knew about disease and they knew about death. They were fully aware of their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness…they could not stop the ravages of diseases like pneumonia, which could disrupt their lives without warning. Death truly came like a thief in the night. However, it is only what we are vividly conscious of that we can vibrantly imagine to be seen by Omniscience.
As I lingered awhile in this rose garden, I could not help but recall how just three weeks earlier I had contracted pneumonia and with a few simple injections had quickly recovered. It was like having an opinion bright than diamonds, my life was saved and I could press on. Pneumonia to me was a kind of curiosity because my son had the flu, and his friends took him to Tahoe, then started acting mean to him and put him out in the snow.
They also made him swim, while it was snowing, and made him take pictures to prove he was not depressed. When he got back to the cabin, his key card did not work and he had no cell phone to call for help, so he walked to the store and bought an adult beverage to stay warm. How could someone do this to a nice person? He is certainly nothing to fear. The legacy of terror is behind us now. With few exceptions, science has eliminated almost all of the forces that had once caused premature death. It is difficult to condemn a person who goes with the general opinion of his generation.
Why is it that the noblest of our passions should be also the most selfish? You do not have to choose a fixed identity or label. You will not have to decide whether you are love-addicted or love-avoidant. In relationships, you may be more likely to be vulnerable, open, and committed than you are in others. You do not have to be typecast by gender, either. Buying into gender stereotypes can cause women and men to become seriously disconnected in their couple relationships, without ever getting to the root of their unhappiness, because oversimplified assumptions about gender differences disempower both men and women.
The fact of the matter is you are meant to love and do not want to get lost in the dark shadows like Barnabas Collins and Josette DuPres Collins. Just as it took centuries to become public knowledge that men as well as women can be victims of children abuse and violence, so too it has been long overlooked that both men and women can be victims of childhood abuse and violence, so too it has been long overlooked that both men and women distance themselves from intimacy.
Three out of every four deaths among American males between the ages of 15 and 25 are caused by either accidents, suicide, or homicide. Women and men both yearn for intimacy and deeper connection, and both genders can create disabling distancing patterns in their coupe relationships. Without adequate information to help them name, tame, and transform the runaway self, both male and females distancers often convince themselves that the love they have is as good as it is going to get. It truly takes a community to create a healthy couple relationship.
One of the major mistake in trying to solve intimacy problems happens when the focus is exclusively on the couple. No couple is ever really alone on a desert island. Too often, everyone tries to fix the couple as if they exist in isolation. Friends, family, and helping professionals often fail to give enough attention to the importance of the big picture—the comprehensive view. There are many ways that the coupe is part of their village. They want to know what is going on, and not have the details hidden from them.
The fact of the matter is we have to integrate all the aspects of the community that help to create and nurture a healthy couple. Your own social and cultural roots, the significance of religious or spiritual communities, and the values of workplaces, extended families, neighborhoods, social capital, and the larger geographical community. I suppose it is the price of falling in love. I fear that it is the price of falling in love.
Love Leads to God through Arts or Acts
All-merciful Father, indeed! Why, the Prince of Darkness was angel in comparison (and a gentleman into the bargain). There is no knowledge in search of which people in general are more eager, than that of what others have been doing in the World.
There are people who read books to convince themselves there is a God. Like busts in marble, so does our individual fate exist in the limestone of time. Throughout all eternity, the parts of the past are but parts of the future reversed.
Destiny, it may be,–the most skillful of stage managers,–seldom choose to arrange its scenes, and carry forward its drama, without securing the presence of at least one calm observer. Incidents little in human speculation are great in the eye of fortune.
Chance and change love to deal with men’s settled plans, not with their idle vagaries. All things fulfill their destiny. Reassume your courage, not the courage to die, but to live. I am on another level, can you feel my flow? The God of this World is in the machine—not out of it.
Energy is perhaps of all qualities the most valuable. This was a century in which the fine arts and the higher mechanical arts were not separated by any distinct boundary, nor were those who practiced them; and it was an age in which artists sought and loved one another. I wonder if you are ever feel that zing because it should greater the temptation to supply its place by a ritual? Nobody has any conscience about adding to the improbabilities of a marvelous tale.
Should this last statement stagger a painter or writer of our day, let me remind him that even Christians loved one another at first starting. Civility should take leave: where nothing is due to love, something is due to good manners. I am naturally civil when I am civilly used. It always remains true that when all the ways of our unintelligible World are the trivial and the terrible walk hand in hand together. The irony of circumstances holds no mortal catastrophe in respect.
For wise and good reasons, God made the knowledge of Himself scarce any otherwise attainable by us, than that of the existence of other beings absent to sense. The will is placed in the soul, and who can enter there but he that created the soul? What are the comprehensible terrors of man compared with the interlinked terrors and wonders of God!
When you would understand of that great Being truly and fully, you must be able to realize the duration of eternity, obliterate the little periods of time and chronology, which require a starting and a resting-place in human minds—soar out the reach of the sickly atmospheres which surround these little planets, and stand erect in the broad and fathomless light of God’s own atmosphere.
People who like any society better than none are, in general, those who know least how to enjoy it. When a man will give it a fair play, common sense will get the better in all cases. There are times when a man must act as though life were equally sweet in any company. The Angels were created from light and the Jinn from smokeless fire.
Jinn live longer than humans and can take on any form they would like: human, true, car, building. They are able to attracts a person’s great attention. Jinns possess people for several purposes. In some cases, the Jinn will alter a person’s reality because it or its family has been accidentally hurt. Nevertheless, it could be because the Jinn has fallen in love with the person.
When a man has told all he has to say, the sooner he is silent the better. A person dying in a state of great sin may be changed into a Jinn, in the period of a barzakh, separation barrier. Some say they live in the mystical emerald mountains in the celestial sphere surrounding the Earth. Some say they are pagan gods. Jinn have free will.
There was said to be a Jinn in the Garden of Eden with Adam, but he refused to submit to Adam and was expelled from Paradise and called Satan. They are usually invisible to humans, but humans do appear clearly to Jinn. Jinn have the power to travel large distances at extreme speeds and are thought to live in their own communities. The Jinn occasionally assume human form to mislead and destroy their human victims.
There is an intoxication that makes merry in the midst of affliction; and there is an intoxication that banishes affliction by producing oblivion. However, again, there is an intoxication which is conscious of itself through it makes the feet unsteady, and the voice think, and the brain foolish; and which brings neither mirth nor oblivion. A mistaken sense of duty has been the cause of quite one fourth of the unhappiness of mankind, and few have been so bigoted as not to acknowledge this when it is too late.
How shall so young a scholar, in the school of affliction, be able to bear such heavy and such various evils? A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard. Shallow sorrows and shallow loves live on. The loves and sorrows that are great are destroyed by their own plenitude. The elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.
When it does not lead to spending money, liveliness is a pleasant thing. How will injuries never honorably complained of be believed to grieve us? There is nothing more likely to succeed with an audience than a good history of witchcraft, or something so very marvelous, as to do violence to common sense, before we give it our faith.
Life is full of the saddest and the strongest contrasts. Much more does affliction demand our love when it proceeds from compassion for another’s woes. Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the World. However, his heart assured him that love is faith, and faith is his nature.
Swimming Jewels
Anybody’s life may be just as romantic and strange and interesting if he or she fails as if he or she succeed. All the difference is, that the last chapter is wanting in the story. To draw or paint object accurately, one has to look at the car or person as if for the first time—as a collection of unique colors or shades. Only then will you really paint a true picture. However, given the hypercomplexity of the World, the mind usually makes aggressive guesses.
In order to reduce the mess World, to manage it, one has to stop scrutinizing their object of their affection. Recognition means closure, and it marks the end of thinking, looking, and listening to the unknown. When we recognize an object, we make unconscious assumptions about it. Nothing is more common than to call our own condition the condition of life.
Even when what you want is staring you in the face, few people can imagine what they would do. People have to learn to liberate themselves from old, powerful, and unspoken assumptions about what something is. For example, the reason people count generations is because in biblical times people used to live for centuries, not decades. Adam lived for 930 years.
The virtue to be achieved at this stage is generativity. Adam’s job was to establish and guide the next age bracket. When one has attained that felicitous point of wisdom from which one sees all mankind to be fools, the diminutive objects my make what new moves they please, one does not marvel at them: their sedateness is as comical as their frolic, and their frenzies more comical still.
The devil often builds the ladder by which truth climbs up. If we can but be sturdy in our wills, we may make the World allow for and respect us as we please, and set out accordingly. There are many ways to evaluate the success of a film. One can cite critical praise, popularity with the public, or how much money the film made.
However, with all works of art, a movie’s lasting impact is determined in large by the way it interacts with human minds. Certain movies resonate with us, and it makes us feel as if something magical happened, or it makes us sad, or it could make us happy. If there is no click, no magic, a movie fades into obscurity. May not one love, not craving to beloved? Such a love does not sap our pride, but supports it; increases rather than diminishes our noble self-esteem. To attain such a love the martyrs writhed up to take the crown of the saints.
Relationships are a lot like movies, and when you meet the right person for you, no matter how much money they make, how popular they are, or what they do for a living, they will give you this magical electrical charge. People whom you may just have a physical attraction for may not have the mind you require to keep you interested in them. After the lusts fades, your feelings for them will also move into oblivion.
People who you are truly attacked to mind, body, and soul gives you an electrical charge because there is a psychological process that takes place. You feel some kind of dramatic insight and learned feelings about their state of mind and this taps directly into your emotional response centers. You feel your heart leaping upward, as if it were reaching for new heights again and again. This is your soul reaching for the greatness it senses in the other person.
Surprise is an emotion that invigorates. When you meet your soulmate, they make you feel full of energy, it feels good. The thought of them makes you feel healthy, awake, and indeed alive. These are the type of people you will want to stand up for. People are up and down when they are sick, and asleep, or dead. Thee very basic bodily metaphors can have a large influence on our understanding of abstract concepts such as love.
Lust can lead to a rocky relationship because you have no bond, other than a sexual component. When you love life goes from low to high and over, it gives you a primal feeling of increasing goodness. Because the high pitches in your heart get higher each time you see them, this is reassurance that there is more than just a physical attraction, you have chemistry, geometry, and algebra! Praise God who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!
I do not know if you were looking at me or not, you probably smile like that all the time. And I do not mean to bother you, but I could not just walk by and not say, “Hi.” And I know your name because everybody knows your name. And you are not looking for anything right now, so I do not want to come on strong, but do not get me wrong.
Your eyes are so intimidating, my heart is pounding, but it is just a conversation. Love is that blessed wand which wins the waters from the hardness of the hearts. To love is to be on the sea, and caught up in a white squall, real or mythical, illusions are the mirror of love.
Randolph Harris II International Institute 