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A Heart at Ease Files into No Extremes—‘its Ever on its Center
No one knows till the time comes, what depths are within him. Few people have learned to structure their psychic energy autonomously, from the inside. In those successful stories where adults had time on their hands, elaborate cultural practices evolved to keep the mind busy. These included complex cycles of ceremonial rituals, dancing, and competitive tournaments that occasionally lasted for days and weeks on end—such as the Olympic games that started toward the dawn of European history. There are so many who forget to think seriously until it is almost too late. The darkest and most contemptible ignorance is that of not knowing oneself. Even if lacking religious or aesthetic activities, at each village provided endless opportunities for exchanging sleazy gossip and elaborate scholarly discussions; under the largest tree of the square, men not otherwise occupied sat smoking their pipes or chewing mildly hallucinogenic leaves and nuts, and kept their minds ordered through redundant conversation. This is still the pattern followed by men at leisure in the koffee shops of the Mediterranean, or the beer halls of northern Europe.
A man can never be respectable in the eyes of the World or in his own, except so far as he stands by himself and is truly independent. Such methods of avoidance chaos in consciousness work to a certain extent, but they rarely contribute to a beneficial quality of experience. As we have seen earlier, human beings feel best in flow, when they are fully involved in meeting a challenge, solving a problem, and discovering something new. Most activities that produce flow also have clear goals, clear rules, immediate feedback—a set of external demands that focuses our attention and makes the demands on our skills. People may really have in them some vocation which is not quite plain to themselves. Now these are exactly the conditions that are most often lacking in free time. Of course, if one uses leisure to engage in a sport, an art form, or a hobby, then the requirements for flow will be present. However, just free time with nothing specific to engage one’s attention provides the opposite of flow: psychic entropy, where one feels listless and apathetic. From the last ills no being can save another; therein each man must be his own savior. The father, son, and holy ghost are one.
The danger of a little knowledge of things is disputable, but beware the little knowledge of one’s self! Not all free-time activities are the same. One major distinction is between active and passive leisure, which have quite different psychological effects. For example, U.S. teenagers experience flow (defined as high-challenge, high-skill moments) about 13 percent of the time that they spend watching television, 34 percent of the time they do hobbies, and 44 percent of the time they are involved in sports and games. When nature biddeth thee to be good and gentle to others, she commands thee not to be cruel and ungentle to thyself. This suggest that hobbies are about two and a half times more likely to produce a state of heightened enjoyment than TV does, and active games and sports about three times more. Yet these same teenagers spend at least four times more of their free hours watching TV than doing hobbies or sports. Similar ratios are also true for adults. Why would we spend four times more time doing something that has less than half the chance of making us feel good? I cannot conceive anything better calculated to excite sympathy than the spectacle of a man devoting his life to self-worship.
When we asked participants of our studies the question, a consistent explanation begins to appear. The typical teenager admits that biking, or playing basketball, or playing the piano are more enjoyable than roaming though the mall or watching TV. However, they say, to get organized for a basketball game takes time—one has to change their clothes, make arrangements. It takes at least half an hour of dull practice each time one sits down at the piano before it begins to be enjoyable. You may cut off my existence, but you cannot disturb my serenity. In other words, each of the flow-producing activities requires an initial investment of attention before it begins to be fun. One requires such disposable activation energy to enjoy complex activities. If a person is too tired, anxious, or lacks the discipline to overcome that initial obstacle, he or she will have to settle for something that, although less enjoyable, is more accessible. Self-knowledge is thought by some not so easy. Who knows but for a time you may have taken yourself for somebody else? Stranger things have happened.
This is where passive leisure activities come in. To just hang out with friends, read an unchallenging book, or turn on the TV set does not require much in the way of an upfront energy outlay. It does not demand skills or concentration. Thus the consumption of passive leisure becomes all too often the option of choice, not only for adolescents, but for adults as well. No son of Adam ever reads his own heart at all expect by the habit acquired, and the light gained, for some years’ perusal of other hearts; and even then, with his acquired sagacity and reflected light, he can but spell and decipher his own heart, not read it fluently. Of all human dealings, satire is the very lowest, and most mean and common. It is the equivalent in words for what bullying is in deeds; and no more bespeaks a clever man, than the other does a brave one. We are not judges of our own ailments: physicians do not often prescribe for themselves. Every man may, by examining his own mind, guess what passes in the minds of others. When you feel that your own gaiety is counterfeit, it may justly lead you to suspect that of your companions not to be sincere.
If it Bleeds it Leads!!!!!!!!
It sounds somewhat ridiculous to say that one of the problems we face at this point in history is that have not learned how to spend free time in a sensible way. Yet this is a concern that many have expressed ever since the 1990s. Dr. M.R. Phillippe ended his annual report with the conclusions: “For many Americans, leisure and work is dangerous.” He claimed that whether American succeeds as a civilization will depend on how productive we are at work and how we use our free time. What could justify such a grave warning? #RyanPhillippe 1 of 8
Well, some reporters, instead of rallying for social justice are using their access to sensitive information and their careers to commit criminal acts, such as stalking cyberspace stalking, spying, hacking, harassment and slander. These rouge reporters find targets and obtain sensitive information about them, and even implant themselves in their house and use their powers of persuasions to turn their friends and family against them. Then they release sensitive information over the air and distort it. Dr. M.R. Phillippe noticed his son was having unusual bleeding issues, pain in both knees, was unable to move his neck, had a sharp increase in debilitating back pain, trouble walking, intense headaches, and bruises that seem to just come out of nowhere. And had become extremely clumsy, slipping and falling for no apparent reason or just randomly losing his balance, and he was sober, he also had pain from sitting down for more than an hour or two. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 8
A couple of news stations have spent nearly a decade stalking and harassing a young man, which has led to him being seriously injured and assaulted. He is also burned, which means even if he could get a job, it would not last long because they have said they would “get you fired.” These reporters are actually paid to do these things, the community and their employers are aware of what is going on, but have not punished them yet. Most of the problems seem to stem from reporters at CBS13 KOVR, including: former employee Kenny M. Holmes and current employees Dave Bender, Tony Lopez and Cody Stark. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 8
For a variety of reasons, we have also come to assume that free time is one of the most desirable goals we can aspire to. While work is seen as a necessary tool, being able to relax, to have nothing to do, seems to most people the royal road to happiness. The popular supposition is that no skills are involved in enjoying free time, and that anybody can do it. Yet the evidence suggests that opposite: free time is more difficult to enjoy then work. Having leisure at one’s disposal does not improve the quality of life unless one knows how to use it effectively, and this is by no means something one learns automatically. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 8
Dr. M.R. Phillippe notice that on Sundays his son came down with bouts of hysteria and depression more often, than during the rest of the week after watching the Toyota Sports Center on ABC10 with Bryan May. And also week days starting at 4pm, and ending usually around 5pm. He called the syndrome “Sun Sunday Sun.” Ever since, it has been reported that holidays and vacations increased physical and emotional disturbances. For workers who have identified with their jobs all their lives, retirement is often on a goal. On weekends, when alone, and with nothing to do, people report more symptoms of illness. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 8
All of this evidence points to the fact that the average person is ill equipped to be idle and that some people are not qualified to work, even if they are currently employed. Without goals and without oversight, nor the ability to interact with others, most individuals tend to lose motivation and concentration. The mind begins to wander around, like a mountain lion in the city zoo stalking a panda bears as a food source, and more often than not the mind will focus on unsolvable problems that cause anxiety. In order to avoid this undesirable condition, the individual resorts to strategies that will ward off the worst triggers. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 8
Without necessarily being aware of it, one will seek out stimulation that will screen out the sources of anxiety from consciousness. This might include not watching TV at all, or reading the Bible, romance novels, or mysteries, or engaging in obsessive gambling or promiscuous sexuality, or getting drunk or taking drugs. These are quick ways to reduce chaos in consciousness in the short run, but are very dangerous and usually residue they leave behind is a feeling of pain (physical and emotional), listless dissatisfaction, and sometimes death. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 8
Apparently, our central nervous system has evolved to attend to external signals, but has not had time to adapt to long periods with obstacles and dangers. Reality outran apprehensions; the young man stood upon is quarterdeck. There seemed no sign of common bodily illness about him, nor the recovery from any. He looked like a man cut away from the stake, when the fire has overrunningly wastes all the limbs without consuming them, or taking away one particle from their elongated youth. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 8
Morals and Marriage
The frequency of divorce has much increased since the Great War, but it was steadily if more slowly increasing long before, though in France the incident of divorce increased up to 1921 and since then has somewhat decreased. The post-war so-called “epidemic of marriage” was naturally followed by an “epidemic of divorce,” which is now subsiding, although we may still expect the rate to rise slowly as the impediments are removed. In Japan, it may be remarked, which comes next to the United States in frequency of divorce, there was no post-war rise. The United States holds the record; in 1923 there were 360 divorces to 100,000 of married population (or 149 to 100,000 of the whole population). And in some States, this means one or more divorces to every five marries, though, according to the later American results of Grove and Ogburn, there is one divorce to every seven marriages, actors and musicians constituting the most divorcing professional class. In Europe, Austria, and Switzerland stand high, and England very low with only 6.8 divorces to 100,000 of population. In Russia divorce may be obtained at the wish of either party (and at the wish of both it may be arranged before the Registrar, without recourse to the Courts), yet divorce is far less frequent than in the United States, and the younger generation cultivate the ideals of self-discipline and self-control. Such differences represent differences of social opinion and of religion, as well as discrepant facilities for obtaining divorce. The general advance of divorce corresponds to the normal condition of advanced civilization and represents a necessary and healthy adjustment to the complex social conditions. Divorce by mutual consent (and even on demand of either party) is the goal towards which we are moving, and it has already been reached in some countries.
It is reasonable that a contract formed by mutual consent should be dissolvable by mutual consent, and so far from divorce being destructive to the family, we may agree that it is a necessary means of preserving the dignity of marriage by ending such marriages as have ceased to be worthy of the name. Still, it causes great hardship on the family. Often when couple divorce, it rips their hearts to shreds and scrambles their brains, making them unable to respond to life properly or sometimes they are so damaged that they cannot even work. Divorce may also poison a parent’s relationship with their children to the point children are indifferent to one or both of the parents and in some cases, they may not like one or both of the parents. Then another person caused the parent divorce, or the parent starts dating right after a divorce, the child(ren) may strongly dislike the object of their parents’ affection and may be embarrassed to be seen in public or be associated with the person their parent is dating. The tendency to diminish the rigidity of marriage ties is being carried further, it may be added, than an increased legal facility for divorce can carry it. Many couples marry because they plan to spend their lives together, they work, build bank accounts, homes, and retirement accounts, and when the couple divorces, these assets have to split up and often times one or both parties may not be able to sustain their lifestyle and could end up going broke and losing their homes after paying for a divorce.
Also, their retirement accounts may get drained, and they have to start all over. There is also the issue of child support, parents still are responsible for supporting them kids and may have to pay for them until they turn eighteen and that sometimes can include the cost of a college education, which something cost $100,000.00. There is undouble a tendency in our Western civilization to recognize the existence of sexual relationships outside of marriage altogether, always provided that such relationships are not for the procreation of children. It may be aid that such extra-marital manifestations of the sexual life are no novelty. Prostitution has flourished in secret and even been defended in public, while what is called seduction has everywhere been taking place. However, the novelty often lies in the fact that both prostitution and seduction are diminishing. Prostitution is becoming less attractive and seduction less possible. The palmy days of prostitution (which seems to have begun as a religious rite) were before syphilis entered civilization, and its prestige has been gradually falling ever since. Seduction in the legitimate sense of the word (as seduced is often merely the expression used by women of low social class to describe their first act of sexual intercourse) is only possible when the woman is unduly ignorant of the nature of sexual relations, and the state of affairs is coming to an end. However, when prostitution and seduction are, so far as possible, eliminated, the objections to the formation of sexual relationships—in the absence of higher ethical or religious considerations and provided offspring are not contemplated—largely fall away. There can be no doubt that this new condition is becoming appreciated by younger generations.
The Winchester Mystery House
Tour guide will lead you deep inside the haunted spaces of The Winchester Mystery House to explore. https://winchestermysteryhouse.com/
The Work-Sin Ethic, is it True?
Although most people love to work, because of the benefits, stability, and peace of mind that comes with being able to support their family, if given the opportunity, people would like to work less. Why is this? Well, there are two major reasons that are involved with a desire for a reduction in work, at the same pay or higher. The first is that based on the objective conditions of work. It is true that since time immemorial those who paid another person’s wages were not particularly concerned with the well-being of their employees. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 7
It takes extraordinary inner resources to achieve flow while daggering a mile below ground in a South African mine, cutting sugarcane on a sweltering plantation, or working with two compression fractures of the spine, and a moderate bulging disk in your lower back and bad knees from a “tennis” accident. And to deal with an office full of vengeful employees, looking for revenge against you because you simply have more talent and are better looking. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 7
Even in our enlightened days, with all the emphasis on “human resources,” management is all too often disinterested in how employees experience work. Therefore, it is not surprising that many workers assume that they cannot count on work to provide the intrinsic rewards in their lives, and that have to wait until they are out of the factory or office before they can begin to have a good time—even though this turns out not to be true, in many cases. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 7
The second reason is complementary to the first one, but is based less on contemporary reality, and more on the historical disrepute of work, which is still transmitted by the culture and learned by each of us as we grow up. There is no question that during the Industrial Revolution of two and a half centuries ago factory workers had to labour under inhuman conditions. Free time was so rare that it became one of the most precious commodities. Workers assumed that if they only had more time, they would automatically be happier. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 7
The trade unions fought heroically to shorten the work week, and their success is one of the bright accomplishments in the history of humankind. Unfortunately, while free time might be a necessary condition for happiness, by itself it is not a sufficient guarantee it. The work-sin ethic is the attitude that if you work you are usually good (moral), and if you do not work you are bad (lazy, immoral). The idea is that is you are doing anything that can be considered productive, then you are worthwhile because you are too busy producing something to engage in deviant behavior. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 7
Learning how to use time beneficially turns out to be more difficult than expected. Nor does it seem that more free time is necessarily better; as true of so many things, what enriches life in small quantities might impoverish it in larger doses. This is why mid-century psychiatrists and sociologists were putting up warning signals to the effect that too much free time was threatening to become a social disaster. However, some people work and still find the time sin like Satan at work. And some people who do not work find productive ways to keep themselves happy, so it depends on the mentality of the person, not necessarily their lifestyle. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 7
For some people work is enjoyable because they have the opportunity to do what they have dreamed about since they were kids. Their job may not always be easy, but yet they still enjoy it. When approaches without too many cultural prejudices and with a determination to shape it so as to make it personally meaningful, even the most mundane job can enhance the quality of life, rather than detract from it. And regardless of if you are working in your dream job or not please be thankful. Some people require more money to live, but are unable to work due to injuries, and they spent all of their lives preparing to go to work. And it is sad that people would cause other people physical and emotional pain just for fun and pretend like they did nothing wrong. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 7
The World is a University
The weakness of age is the penalty paid by the folly of youth. The attitudes set in the early years continue to color how we experience work during the rest of our lives. On the job, people tend to use their mind and body to its fullest, and consequently feel that what they do is important, and feel good about themselves while doing it. Yet their motivation is worse than when they are at home, and so is the quality of their moods. Despite huge differences in salary, prestige, and freedom, managers tend to feel only somewhat more creative and active on the job, while clerical and assembly-line workers are no unhappier and dissatisfied. Everyone tends to experience work in the same way. A purse is but a rag unless you have something in it. Traditionally, identity and self-respect have been based on the ability to obtain energy from the environment for ourselves and our families’ use. Whether the satisfaction an individual gets from doing a necessary job is partly genetically programmed, or is entirely learned from the culture, the fact is that more or less everywhere both men and women are now providers for their household. Civil rights have made it perfectly normal for both genders to be police officers, firefighters, lawyers, doctors, and engineers.
And it is also becoming more common for men to share in the responsibility of taking care of the child, and we are actually seeing more fathers choose to become househusbands. In fact, 21 percent of men now stay at home to manage the house and child(ren), which is up from just 5 percent in 1989. Both men and women’s self-esteem is strongly attached to what happens to their families. Having a destitute parent or a child who has trouble in school is much greater load on their minds than whatever can happen at work. The double jeopardy that a family and a career impose can be a heavy burden on the self-esteem of people. However, most people still enjoy working for pay than they do staying at home because when a person is earning money, they feel like they are accomplishing more and expect more from themselves, and have the ability to support the house and money to buy what they want without depending on anyone else. When you have to stay at home and have a budget to live on, and are not paid for the work you do in the house, no matter how many hours you put in, you still have to complete your job and still have the same budget to maintain. These issues bring into focus why cleaning the house, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, fixing things around the house and balancing the checkbook might sometimes produce negative experiences in a person’s day. However, work can also be challenging. Although you are working for pay, you have to spend a certain number of hours in the office, take breaks at certain times, and are made to interact with people you may not like and hear things you may not want to hear, and you also get performance reviews.
So, no matter how you feel about your job or how tired you are, one must always produce excellent work and be in a relatively good mood. You cannot ditch the guy at the water cooler, who is always waiting around to gossip, instead you have to find a friendly way of telling him that you are busy and hope he catches on. You may not like the overly enthusiastic guy, who works on the same floor as you, seems to take breaks at the same time of you and goes to the bathroom when you do, but you have to still be pleasant. And if you are tired, you cannot just fall asleep at your desk and recklessly complete a project. There are many high expectations to earning a paycheck. In a recent survey, 83 percent of executives, 77 percent of middle level employees, and 61 percent of the unemployed reported that they were satisfied with their lives. So it seems that people who are employed and tend to earn more money are more satisfied with their lives. Perhaps that is because they more than likely are doing jobs they were highly trained for. Nonetheless, without the goal and the challenges usually provided by a job, only a rare self-discipline can keep the mind focused intensely enough to insure a meaningful life.
When we look at flow in the lives of adults, one finds more occasions of it on the job than in free time. Now, remember, flow does not mean you are happy in the moment, it just means you are doing something you find important and that adds to your self-esteem. Them moments when a person is in a high-challenge, high-skill situation, accompanied by feelings of concentration, creativity, and satisfaction, were reported more often at work than at home. Work is like a game that we do during the day, it usually has clean goals and rules of performance. It provides feedback either in the form of knowing that one has finished a job well done, in terms of measurable sales, or through evaluation by one’s supervisor. A job usually encourages concentration and prevents distractions; it also allows a variable amount of control, and—at least ideally—its difficulties match the worker’s skills. Thus work tends to have the structure of other intrinsically rewarding activities that provide flow, such as games, sports, music, and art. In comparison, much of the rest of life lacks these elements. When spending time at home with the family or alone, people often lack clear purpose, do not know how well they are doing, are distracted, feel that their skills are underutilized, and as a result feel bored, worthless, sad, or anxious. So it is no wonder that the quality of experience at work is generally better than one would expect.
You Must be an Angel
Monday Morning started off cheerful and light, the sun was bright and it was a warm beautiful day. I got koffee with my friend Matthew on our lunch break, and we took a walk through the park, it was so beautiful as the colorful flowers were starting to bloom, and the trees were nice and green, as well as the grass. And the people all seemed to be so happy and smiling. While we were walking through the park, Matthew said he wanted to take me on a special date, and I was all for it. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 6
At around 6pm, Matthew stopped by my apartment and picked me up. When I opened the door, he had the brightest smile on his face and had and smelled like soap. We got in the car Il Fornaio, it is a fancy authentic Italian restaurant. We were both dressed very nice, and were greeted by the host, and she showed us to the table he had reserved. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 6
I ordered Pollo Toscano, which is chicken that is seasoned with rosemary, and it came with broccoli, and mashed potatoes. Matthew ordered Scaloppine Al Carciofi E Limone, which is veal sautéed with sliced fresh baby artichokes and lemon; it came with the most wonderful golden potatoes, which he shared with me, he insisted that I tasted them, and he also had a side of broccoli. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 6
As we ate our meal, we sat there talking about the most random things. Like we actually talked about the beauty of religion and how it is a tool to bring people together and to teach us how to love. I told Matthew that I actually believe that there are Angels on Earth, and it replied, “It is possible,” and then said, “Hebrews 13.2 states, ‘Do not forget to show hospitality to people you do not recognize, for by doing so, some people have entertained Angels without knowing it.” I smiled because I felt like I connected with someone who really understood where I was coming from. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 6
Two hour later, after Dinner, we went back to my apartment, and although he had to work early the next morning, he sat down and we watched 2 Broke Girls. I was so tired that I leaned over and fell asleep in his lap. Matthew kept watching the show. When I woke up, it was 12.13am, and I told him, I heard the most beautiful singing in my dream. The lyrics were, “How must I fall in love, how must I fall in love. Oh, God, you must be an Angel.” He smiled, and gentle stoked my cheek and said, “I believe you are.” Then I asked him why he did not wake me up, he replied, “You were so tired and looked so peaceful, I did not want to bother you.” #RyanPhillippe 5 of 6
Because he had to work early the next day, he slept over. I washed his clothes for him, and he wore a pair of my pajamas, then we went to bed. This was a week ago, and he decided he did not want to leave and we have been living together since then. This was one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had and I am so thankful that God blessed me by putting someone so wonderful in my life. Every morning, I get to wake up and look at the most beautiful pair of blue eyes and he has these pouty pillow lips that are just so adorable. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 6
How Must I fall in Love?
How must I fall in love, how must I fall in love? Oh, God, you must be an Angel, you must be an Angel. And when it hurts for me I never felt so empty, then the rain has on its way falling, falling. Those Summer mornings you kissed me out of my next dream, then without warning it goes away, and then it goes. Search to find you somewhere, as winds began to sway, got in my car just driving, driving. Those Summer mornings danced inside your warm embrace. You hear me calling and now you are gone. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 6
Send warm blessings to the friend in my heart. When happiness is a good memory, may you be happy in future day like today. In this World I believe that I cannot find another you no matter how many years I live. It is really good to know you love me. I value the fate we meet each other and the sincereness between us! Time goes by quietly and the past does not belong to us. Provided you do not hesitate tomorrow anymore, Sunshine will so green of the life—today is a new starting point. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 6
I was the lonely one inside and it seemed like my prayers had been denied. I had come to the decision to never find a love that is true. Oh, God, please send me a lover like you. God send me a beautiful love that is brand new. God, show me how to open up to the one I love, I am not yet ready for him to return to the Heavens above. Down on my knees again, in prayer. Oh, Lord, please send someone to care my best imagination. I could not have dreamed someone like you. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 6
You make me feel more and more, you make me feel more and more. Do not stop, do not stop, be strong. I cannot get enough. You are all that I require. You are the air that I breathe. Believe. You free my mind to take me, to a higher level baby, and you fill the World with joy and light. In your arms, it feels so right, you make me feel like loving you. You must be an Angel, I can tell by the Heavenly way my heart felt. Oh, it was spiritual, a miracle that an Angel would fall in love with me. Take me, take me in your arms and do not you let me go. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 6
You have got that heart of gold, I swear you are the answer to my prayer and so much Heavenly power to make a mortal dream come true. Oh, you were Heaven sent, I know for even when the lights are low I can almost see, I see a halo. You turned and came in looked my way, what else can I say? You came and made my life complete with my life your love so sweet. Your love is all I ever need; you are my destiny. This love was meant to be. We will find a paradise for two, a place for me and you, we will make our dreams come true. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 6
I am so in love with you. I am so glad I found you. Going to wrap my whole World around you, and it is going to be so Heavenly. Funny how we both end up here and everything seems so right. Once upon a time you were my everything, clearly to see time has not changed. And all along I knew I had something special with you. From the day that I met you, I knew that I would love you until the day I die. For you in my everyday life, for the happiness you bring me, for our love and good memories and for my unchanged love for you, I present all my love to you, my dear. Do you know someone loves you deeply and his love is endless and deeper as time goes by? Therefore, please remember: Someone just love you. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 6
Superior Beauty Claims Superior Respect–Never Forget You
If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up. You have a new capacity to risk closeness and vulnerability. You will not be permanently wounded, there is someone here for you. You are now going to put into action all that you have been learning and practicing since you first started practicing opening up to a new relationship. You have already started the process of making changes in the area of intimacy within a couple relationship. Let us talk about how to make this process work best. Let thy attire be comely, but not costly. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 12
First, set small goals. The worst mistake most people make when they are trying out something new and frightening is to immediately go for the gold; that is, for the finish line at the end of the race, when they really should begin with a walk through the park. Obviously, this guideline will be very different in action for each person. There is no excellent beauty, no accomplished grace, no reliable refinement, without strength as excellent, as complete, as trustworthy. How amiable is that beauty which as its foundation in goodness! #RyanPhillippe 2 of 12
To further highlight this illustration, if you are nervous about starting a new relationship, you may want to try talking to that special person for a little while longer, or at a slightly more personal level of conversation, instead of asking him or her to go away for a weekend with you. Or suppose that you have been addicted to your exercise routine, but you have decided to work on spending more time with someone special and less time exercising. It would be much more sensible to give up one exercise session in the week, rather than go cold turkey and totally quit your whole exercise routine in order to spend every night with the love of your life. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 12
Also, focus on changes that you can make right now. Do not focus on something you hope will happen someday at the end of your relational journey. If you plan to work on opening up a little bit more emotionally, start with one small part of yourself that you feel is ready to be shared, rather than going for a full range of emotional vulnerability right away. It is important to take your time when you are aiming at big changes. In life, as in art, the beautiful moves in curves. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 12
Prioritize safety. Begin with target behaviors and people you feel are relatively safe. If you are making a commitment to hang in there with a new relationship, even if things are feeling a little too intense and intimate, do not lock yourself into something too risky. Do not go from a standstill to moving in together, or to getting engaged, or going off together on a long trip to a romantic island. Heaven is above all. The curtain of our fate is still undrawn. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 12
However, if you are ready to let go of an all-consuming habit to make some space for a partner, move toward withdrawal from your addiction in a planned way, giving yourself plenty of support and time for recovery before fully offering yourself to another person. Think of your first steps as experiments. Remember that nothing you do is final. You will probably have to explore lots of new behaviors and situation before you become really comfortable with the new you. If you view what you are doing as an experiment, you can take both successes and setback in your stride: it is all just information. Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 12
If you decide to try harder to meet potential partners, do not give up if your efforts are not successful right away. This is just a way to deepen your understanding of yourself while you try out new relational options. Nothing that happens will be all bad nor all good, so do not be over concerned with evaluating your efforts. Men will dream; the most that can be asked of them is but that the dream be not in too glaring discord with the thing they know. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 12
Stay tuned into the wisdom of your body. At first, you will probably find that you feel awkward, nervous, unsure of what is happening. You may feel lost and confused. Do not overthink. Trust your body to give you feedback. If the situation you are exploring makes your body feel jittery, that is to be expected. However, if your body keeps sending huge warning alarms, pay attention. There are a thousand familiar disputes which reason never can decide. It may mean that this is the wrong activity or wrong person for you at this time. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 12
Keep your sense of humor. You know things are never really smooth when you are trying out anything new, so prepare yourself to feel foolish. Just keep in touch with that part of you that can see humor in your most dismal efforts, and remember, we have all felt awkward, shy, and vulnerable. Friendship is a passion. It entrances the being; it tears the heart. All loves of after life can never bring its rapture, or its wretchedness; no bliss so absorbing, no pangs of jealousy or despair so crushing and so keen! #RyanPhillippe 9 of 12
Stay connected to your support group. As you engage in these new efforts, be sure to stay connected to those who support you. Talk to others about what you are planning to do, how it is going, and what the next step is looking like. There are jilts in friendship as well as in love; and, by the behavior of some men in both, one would almost imagine that they industriously sought to gain the affections of others with a view only making the parties miserable. The beauty and loveliness of true friendship is too strong for dim eyes. #RyanPhillippe 10 of 12
Set timelines for your plans. You are required to create a structure that will tell you when you are going to begin something new, how long you are going to try it, and if it does not work out, when you will let it go and try something else. In general, setting up relatively short amounts of time, like a month or so, helps you feel less overwhelmed by new ways of doing things. Also, consider how you will get over your fears, shyness, and self-doubt, and begin to do this. #RyanPhillippe 11 of 12
Ask yourself what kind of person you would like to get to know. Then think about the best ways to get acquainted with such an individual. Or perhaps you already know someone you find attractive. The question for you is: How can I get to know this person better? Well, start off by making eye contact, then say hello when you are comfortable. Then start a casual conversation, compliment them about something or talk about how nice the weather is and then ask them out on a koffee date. God, bring me a beautiful Angel from the Heaven’s above to cure my broken heart from being in love. #RyanPhillippe 12 of 12
Controlling Appearance of the Children
It often happens that if the daughter is right, the mother is wrong, and the mother is not going to have this if she can help it. The desirability of controlling the appearance of the child(ren) in the family brings us to the question of contraception. That is a question around which in the immediate past much controversy raged. It cannot even be said that it has ceased to rage. And since in some countries of the West there are still legal disabilities to be remedied in order to bring the law into harmony with customs and opinion, propaganda is artificially stimulated. There is, however, no longer the shadow of doubt that both the principle and the practice of birth control are now firmly established in all civilized lands, and gradually becoming accepted by every class of the community, so that before long the only matter of dispute will be concerning the best method by which it can be carried out. It is estimated that at the present rate birth control will become practically Universal in our civilization within from twenty-five to fifty years, and it may be that with better conditions of sexual initiation, increased medical study of the difficult problems involved, and the cultivation of self-control, mechanical methods of control will become less necessary. There are three main lines along which this development has proceeded.
In the first place there has been the insistence of women that they will no longer be breeding machines, destroying alike themselves and their excessive progeny. In Russia, where the birth-rate rises and the infantile death rate is falling, the requirement of contraception is recognized, but not yet fully established. Abortion is legalized and conducted with due precaution, but on a large scale this is a poor substitute for contraception. In the second place the economic conditions of life for all social classes in the modern World tend to render caution and foresight necessary in family life, and there are now but few parents who can afford to disregard so completely these conditions, and the responsibilities of bringing up children in the World of to-day, as to have an unlimited family. In the third place, scientific demographers and statisticians are now, with ever increase in the Earth’s population, which up to about two centuries ago was practically stationary, cannot be much longer continued, since even another few decades may suffice to reach the limit of possible expansion. Each of these lines of debate are legitimate. When combined, they are of irresistible force.
Some people practice celibacy as a form of birth control and to preserve their virtue and chastity. Another modern condition which has an important bearing on the family in our Western civilization is constituted by the increase of divorce and the ever-greater legal facilities for securing it. Speaking generally (there are always exceptions) it may be said that in savage societies, as probably in the primitive World, mating, provided they are formed with members of the group with which mating is permitted, are easily formed and rather easily ended. In more advanced barbarous societies, in which property becomes a chief factor in society, masculine influence is more predominant than before over feminine influence, the marriage bond grows more rigid and especially rigid in favour of the husband. In the later civilized social states this rigidity is relaxed, divorce becomes easier and more frequent, and the rights of the genders tend to be equalized. We may see that process in classic Rome. Beginning, it may well be, in a social state of more or less matriarchal constitution, when the Roman social order became patriarchal, marriage in some of its forms was almost indissoluble, and divorce, so far as it existed, was usually a privilege confined to the husband, except in a free marriage, where the wife did not fall under the manus of her husband. However, in the later development the privileges of free marriage were extended to manus marriages, and Roman law became equally liberal to husbands and wives in the matter of divorce. That represents approximately the stage that we have to-day reached in Western civilization.
The Winchester Mystery House
For anyone who loves the number 13, a tour through The Winchester Mystery House is a journey through loss and grief, but ultimately a story of hope and self-reliance. https://winchestermysteryhouse.com/
In the Heart as in the Ocean are Good Ideas
If you are really honest with yourself, you may discover that you just do not like taking new relational risk, period, whether in a group or not. There are plenty of reasons why you might want to end the journey you have been on right now and try to convince yourself that you can live with everything in your relationship domain staying the same. As you know, the forces that shape our individual ways of approaching intimacy and challenge our comfort with intimacy are very powerful. It makes sense that if we risk new ways of connecting, we risk being vulnerable to old pain. No one is to blame for suffering an evil one cannot avoid. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 10
Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state. We could be badly disappointed, hurt, betrayed, or trapped all over again. The temptation to stay away from such risks is often very strong and that is why some avoid new relationships. If an individual keeps experiencing unpleasant responses to its actions, eventually, it will just give up and stop trying to change its situation: this is the condition called learned helplessness. He that dedicates his days to an endless sorrow is the worst and most degraded of suicides. The worst of certainties is better than suspense. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 10
A man may be puffed and belauded, envied, ridiculed, counted upon as a tool and fallen in love with, or at least selected as a future husband, and yet remain virtually unknown—known merely as a cluster of signs for his neighbors’ false suppositions. Our learned helplessness is another reason we may choose the misery we know rather than risk a new experience that potentially could lead to humiliation, heartbreak, or suffering. One could get into this mode and become very comfortable with it because of their repetitive experiences of relational failures. It becomes habitual to give up and stop trying just as soon as we sense a shadow of anticipated pain. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 10
Another reason to avoid taking action might be the belief that you already know all there is to know about yourself; you absolutely are sure about the parameters of what you like and do not like, what you will and will not do, what works and what does not work. However, even though these notions may seem completely logical and sensible, the belief that you have nothing new to learn about yourself come from a place of fear. Fear transforms the creatures of the Word and the craft of man, making that which is ugly, seemly in our eyes, and that which is beautiful, unsightly. The present evil we dread is always the worst. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 10
Although there are, of course, some things you do know definitively about yourself—for example, you know you do not want to go hang gliding, attend a ghost story show, live in a haunted hotel, nor live in a thatched hut with a materialistic harlot—there are also many things you have not explored that could enrich your life and teach you new relational skills. Keep in mind that you do not really know how a new venture might turn out once you have the right preparation and new rationale for giving someone who loves you a chance. Happy is the man who knows his follies in his youth. Cease to be astonished, and only learn to love—an important lesson. The love of God binds me to itself, and will not let me go. I shall make a home for you, my wonderful love, and we shall journey through life hand in hand. I shall sit in your presence and learn the wondrous thing you will teach me. You will tell me; for you are God. #RyanPhillipe 5 of 10
I used to be so happy, but without you here I feel so low. I watched you as you left, but I can never seem to let you go because once upon a time you were my everything. It is clear to see that time has not changed a thing. It is very deep inside me, but I feel there is something you should know, I will never forget you, and you will be by my side always. From the day I met you, I knew that I would love you until the day I die. And I will never want much more and in my heart I will always be sure I will never forget you. Remember, this is your show. You can start out with whatever experiments for exploring you feel the most comfortable with. You can make this a slow process. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 10
You do not have to push yourself into doing anything that feels too big and unmanageable. Think of yourself as a scientist researching and developing new aspects of yourself. Let your curiosity lead you. You have learned some new skills and let them help you try out new situations and new ways of being close to others. Quiet your mind and body and focus on the present moment. Instead of jumping off into the unknown, or anticipating imagined failures in a new role, just stay remind yourself to stay in the present moment. Focus on your breathing and observe any details around you that will help you to center yourself in the now. You do not have to race forward nor recall past mistakes, disappointments, humiliations, nor pain. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 10
Began to deepen your awareness of your patterns in intimate relationships. You will find that you can move oneself into just about any new situation with composure and a sense of calmness—if you focus on what you enjoy about your new situation, and this will settle you down and allow peace and harmony to enter your life. It is like managing pain. We know the secret of keeping pain from becoming unbearable is to contain it from its inception rather than toughing it out and letting it jump off the Richter scale. You have the skills to heal and allow another being to love you and care for your emotional requirements. Calm your mind and focus on the present moment. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 10
When you find yourself starting to make negative judgments against either yourself or others, then express to them what they are doing to upset your or worry you and ask them if they can help you come to a way to resolve the situation. Do not force yourself to think good thoughts, just let them know so doubt does not build up and come breaking in like a White Squall, and submerge your Albatross. Do some vigorous exercise that will get your heart pumping. When you finish exercising, you will then enter the situation in a significantly calmer physical state, which will also change your body chemistry sufficiently to calm your mind. #RyanPhillippe 9 of 10
Try to break the train of thought that takes you down the mental path of dread of negative energy. You can change your mental channel by calling your spouse, taking a hot shower or bath, with that good smelling soap, or listening to music you like. Work at an activity that gets your body into sync with your mind like gardening. You could also write a letter about what you are feeling, but do not include anything that might be considered dangerous, you do not want to get in trouble. However, it is natural to want to be loved and respected by those we love and respect. #RyanPhillippe 10 of 10
