
Happiness is a condition of the soul. This joyous state comes as a result of righteous living. However, as soon as we learned a little about sexual functioning, both male and female gender roles altered significantly; men assumed a different level of sexual responsibility, and women benefited not only from male role change but from the permissiveness the new knowledge about pleasures of the flesh brought to the marriage bed. Professionals (still predominately male, of course), slowly gaining confidence, began assuring the public that women not only had real feelings involving pleasures of the flesh and legitimate interest in intimate passions, but also could and should be enjoying the experience—something that millions of women (even “nice” women) could have revealed had they ever been asked and been assured that their answers would have been accepted. So, the knowledgeable man who married learned, instead of doing something to his wife in the bedroom, was now prepared to do something for his wife when it came to intimate passions. She was now allowed to respond to pleasures of the flesh—only on his terms, of course, but at least she had permission to respond. The culture had grudgingly consented to this change in statue. Women’s feelings involving pleasures of the flesh no longer need be hidden—or even apologized for—certainly no longer denied. However, responsibility involving pleasures of the flesh, of course, remained with the husband. He continued to be the arbiter, he became the coach, and he remained stage center in all matters involving pleasures of the flesh. Unfortunately, in the role od doing for rather than just doing to, he had to assumed even more responsibility for the pleasures of the flesh. #RandolphHarris 1 of 17

Women’s lot involving pleasures of the flesh improved; her role was no longer simply that of providing service. She had been granted a small part, actually more than a walk-on, in the scene of intimate passions. However, she was still expected to acknowledge her husband’s natural expertise in all things of intimate passions, particularly after he had granted her the privilege and pleasurable experience, which she expected. Of course, the husband’s burden involving pleasures of the flesh continued unrelieved, or perhaps became even heavier. For whether he was still doing something to his wife or had knowledgeably switched to doing something for his wife, he alone carried the responsibility for achieving success in the pleasures of the flesh. The social insanity of proclaiming the male the expert in pleasures of the flesh led many a man to his functional downfall. When things went wrong in the marriage bed, automatically the fault, the responsibility, was his. If he was prematurely excited, if he was important of if he had a low level of interest in pleasures of the flesh, he alone was to blame. If his wife was non-pleasurable, unable to be pleasured, or sexually aversive, he also assumed a major share of the blame. However, this degree of responsibility involving pleasures of the flesh was rarely accepted by men who culturally were condition in the role of “do-to” husbands; it developed, rather, as a corollary to the “do-for” concept. As time passed, woman’s role in pleasures of the flesh was amplified while men strained to fulfill their new responsibilities. And still, we did not prosper in pleasures of the flesh. No one needs to feel alone on the road of life, for we are all invited to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. Happiness is the purpose of the gospel and the purpose of the redeeming Atonement of all men. Perseverance in making correct decisions is what leads us to happiness. Happiness comes as a result of our obedience and our courage in always doing the well of God, even in the most difficult circumstances. #RandolphHarris 2 of 17

How has responsibility involving pleasures of flesh fared in the last decade? Finally, the pendulum is swinging—woefully late—but, as always, better late…Has definitive research supplied sufficient knowledge of functioning of pleasures of the flesh to significantly alter cultural concepts of intimate roles and responsibilities? Are professionals taking new looks at old problems of both male and female sexual dysfunction? And are new answers to treatment of these dysfunctions available? Yes, fortunately. We cannot help but prosper from the recently accorded privilege of being able to evaluate human functions involving pleasures of the flesh as accurately and objectively as we are able to research and evaluate any other natural body function. Slowly, as secure information replaces palpable ignorance, misconception, or myth, our society is not only developing an infinitely greater comfort factor with the subject of functioning involving pleasures of the flesh, but we, as individuals, are growing from informed adolescence into more viable sexual adulthood. In the first quarter of the twenty first century, responsibility involving pleasures of the flesh is being assumed by the individual—man and woman alike—never again to be assigned to one gender. For now we know that there is no way that a man can be responsible for a woman’s pleasures of the flesh functioning, nor can she assume control over his response patterns of pleasures of the flesh. In truth, there is no way that a man can “give” his wife “excitement,” or that a wife can provide her husband with a climax. There simply is no way that one individual can assume responsibility for another’s natural physical process. We cannot breathe for the other person, we cannot eat for the other person, and we cannot respond during pleasures of the flesh for the other person. #RandolphHarris 3 of 17

Effective functioning involving pleasures of the flesh is something that transpires between to married people. To be effective it must be done together. It is something that sexually functioning couples do with each other, not to or for each other. So woman’s role in pleasures of the flesh has accomplished a hundred-and-eighty-degree turn—from that of submissive servant to an equal in intimacy, all in the last ten to twenty years. There remains only for her to explore and exercise this potential and for her intimate partner to share in her experience. While she is beginning to do so, it is not surprising to find that her initial attempts are often still grounded in the old assumptions. For example, although we lack conclusive statistics, there is little doubt that when a married is jeopardized by conflicts involving pleasures of the flesh, in the vast majority of cases it is the wide who seeks counseling. She may go at her husband’s urging or with his agreement or perhaps without his knowledge. However, in any event, the implicit assumption seems clear: if pleasures of the flesh is a problem in marriage, it is the wife who needs help. So widespread and deeply rooted is this assumption that it goes unquestioned by most women. As a result, they all too often accept—or even volunteer for—the role of scapegoat. More than once couples have come to our clinic for therapy on the basis of the wife’s inability to experience “excitement,’ genuinely unaware that there is one important factor they are not taking into consideration—the husband’s incapacity in pleasures of the flesh. For example, if in fact it is not the basic cause, he may suffer from premature “excitement,” which at the very least contributes to his wife’s unresponsiveness. However, when first seeking help, they will have no doubt that it is the wife who requires treatment. #RandolphHarris 4 of 17

This traditional attitude sustains the male in a heads-I-win, tails-you-lose approach to disharmony with pleasures of the flesh. If he is important, his wife worries: “What is wrong with me?” And if she is non-“excitable,” he wonders: “What is wrong with her?” He then sends her off to a family doctor or psychiatrist and hopes she will come back “fixed.” This approach is doubly regrettable. For one thing, it is almost certainly doomed to fail. A wife cannot be treated for a malady that afflicts the marriage relationship itself, any more than she can go for lessons herself to learn how to dance with her husband—who is not very graceful, cannot keep time and has never enjoyed dancing. For another thing, therapy for the wife alone will not only fail to solve the problem but will probably make it worse. After all, once the doctor or counselor has conscientiously dispensed advice and the marital relationship remains unchanged, how can a wife avoid feeling that she is a total failure, a hopeless case? This further erodes her self-esteem. Consequently, there is less chance than ever that she and her husband can overcome their disharmony with pleasures of the flesh. The destructiveness goes even deeper. When a wife alone seeks help, she is conforming to the prevalent idea that the female role is to learn how to gratify the male. She is expected to adapt herself, sublimate her wishes, inhibit her desires or even distort her natural drives so that she can please a man who will therefore choose her, or keep her, as his mate. In the drama of life, it is only as his mate that she can play the most rewarding parts that her society assigns to females—those of wife and mother. #RandolphHarris 5 of 17

To play these parts many women have paid the required price—the suppression of their nature that involves intimate passions. This price, it becomes increasingly clear, is exorbitant. It leads to pleasures of the flesh bankruptcy in many marriages, and both husband and wife understandably feel cheated. Ironically, their dissatisfaction flows directly from the very principle that was supposed to bring them the rewards of pleasures of the flesh—the idea that if a young lady obeyed society’s strictures and learned to accommodate herself to the male, both would benefit in the marriage. In effect, this turns a woman into a puppet, a term the dictionary defines as “a person whose actions are prompted and controlled by another or others.” Certainly, in the past women were trained to be sexual marionettes. However, many men today belatedly realize that being married to a female puppet is not at all what they want. The responsive, fully functioning man wants a responsive, fully functioning wife—a woman who has discovered her natural capacity for pleasures of the flesh and who enjoys it. Yes, we find happiness in the midst of the trial of our faith. The Lord manifest Himself to us through His tender mercies, which we find along the road of happiness. We see with increased clarity His hand in our lives. Happiness is a condition of the soul. This joyous state comes as a result of righteous living. If we pursue the path that leads to it, happiness is the object and design of our existence; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. Happiness is defined in the Book of Mormon by the prophet-king Benjamin as “the blessed and happy state of those [that] keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual. #RandolphHarris 6 of 17

Some people believe that therapy is not psycho (soul) therapy but manipulation into phoniness. One friend of mine who was psychoanalyzed five times between the ages of 17 and 53 told me, “Each psychiatrist takes you all apart and lays out all the pieces on his desk. Then he puts you back together the way that he thinks you look best.” Another who was a patient in an army psychiatric hospital for two years said, “Psychiatry is a shoehorn to get you into a shoe that does not fit.” That is the old way (prevalent, though with the exceptions). Psychotherapy seems to me to be one of the most moving (on the move, and in the direction of sensitivity and humanness) fields of work that we have today—in contrast, say, to education, philosophy, medicine, and academic psychology. I have heard of many of the “old guard” who have modified their view in recent years, and moved in the direction of “adjustment to myself” psychology (or autonomy) and of none working in self-psychology who have left it for the “adjustment to society” way. I do not know how many are working at this time in one way, how many in the other. It is not necessary for me to know this. The process is still the same as it was during the past whether it is within a profession or within myself: whatever rigidities I still have from the past are unfortunate and I regret them, but my living is the direction of breaking them up and being more me—less of what I have been taught or told or have heard so much that it has become a part of me, and more of my own direct observation, my own noticing, past and present, and moving in my own direction. When I am aware of this in myself, I can recognize it in others too and unite with their movement—what is going on now—rather than conflict or collide with what they have not got rid of yet. Or more precisely, not letting what I have not got rid of yet collide with what they have not got rid of yet. Or as one psychologist told me when I chided him mildly for making statements which were his training and were not in accord with what he had discovered for himself, “I have broken out of the shell, but bits of it are still clinging to my feet.” I had thought of myself as having got (largely) out of the mud but it was still sticking to my heels no matter how much I tried to shake it off. #RandolphHarris 7 of 17

In the process of change, a concept passes over into and is preserved and fulfilled by its opposite. Then the two are synthesized or integrated into a “higher truth.” People have a need for synthesis or integration in order to revise mistaken beliefs or unhealthy attitudes which you use to evaluate life. These views are what I call “unipolar,” that is, you hold them as singular truths without having an awareness that an opposite attitude exists as well. The important things to realize is that by stating the opposite to your original attitude, then thinking it through, you can come to a new “truth” which is more exciting than the opposite. To further highlight this illustration, Integration: “Life is difficult, but it is exciting.” Thesis: “Life is one damn thing after another.” Antithesis: “Where there is a will, there is a way.” I believe that integrating experience is a most important tool for understanding and ordering our lives. In my work as a psychotherapist, I have seen many people who view life as a sequence of unrelated experiences. They make no attempt to understand that life does have patterns, which if they can use them, can help in synthesizing or integrating their experiences. We can apply this theory to experiences which happen early in life and determine how experiences in later life can balance them to create a new synthesis. For example, a thesis experience could develop from a child’s feeling weak and not loved by a parent. This could generalize to the point where the person says to himself, “People [not just parents] do not like me when I am weak; therefore I must always act strong.” This way, the person develops the thesis assumption that he must always act strong (a doing orientation) rather than admit to his genuine feelings which are that sometimes he really feels weak or vulnerable (a being orientation). #RandolphHarris 8 of 17

Let us say that as an adult, this person goes to group therapy and talks of his feeling vulnerable and weak. He feels the love and caring of the group in spite of his admission of weakness. Eventually, his thesis assumption is re-evaluated and he develops an antithesis assumption, like: “It is okay for me to be vulnerable and weak; people love me then also.” From the integration of the two, he develops a synthesis conclusion: “Life is ever-changing, and it is okay to be strong or weak, as long as I really feel that way inside, but it is phony to be something I am not.” Sometimes people are plate to arrive at some synthesis conclusion with regard to his or her dominate value, which is usually control. Some men are able to see that, as the owner of a business, he needs to be in control while as a man with heart trouble, he needs to depend on the doctor—allowing himself to be restrained, directed, managed, even dictated to. Neither situation, however, is one of total control or total dependency. In business, he can be controlling sometimes, while at other times surrender control to a competent secretary, who may have better ideas for running the business. Nor does he have to slavishly and unquestioningly submit to the will of his doctor in all situations. He can say, “No, I will not do that. It is my body; I have a right to some choice in what is done with it.” The key in both cases is to respect everyone’s view. Out of the expression of both polar values—dependency and control—men are learning to become interdependent, the synthesis which occurs at his core. We all have this need for interdependence, and to fill this need, we must also experience the synthesis of our opposite values. We must become masters of all our polarities. When a man learns to give in a little, to admit that the customer is right, he will usually improve his business. Having learned to listen to different points of view, some men are not as quick to argue and can make some new friends. #RandolphHarris 9 of 17

However, this is not an overnight process, it takes a long time to learn new skills. Some men may still be bitter with their parents, and they still may not be able to develop a lasting relationship with a woman. Their health conditions may not improve very much because he may continue to balk at some of the doctor’s orders. However, overall, a man who goes to therapy and church usually will not be as interested in winning as he is in finding the truth—even if it is somebody else’s. The American gene pool sprayed sperm from 20 million testicles around the globe—the fastest, largest genetic experiment in planet history. The so-called “war effort” performing the genetic function of mixing up sperm-egg exchanges in addition to the cultural interactions—the new imprint models imposed on youthful nervous systems of both invaders and the invaded. And that is what globalization and giving billions of dollars away to other nations is all about. One day, Uncle Sam will come calling for the bill to be paid, and thus, Manifest Destiny will be achieved. When American G.I.’s rode into German towns astride sleek-powerful military machines an irreversible impression was made upon the impressionable German minds. In the context of the all-out hive-war solidarity it was considered an honour for physicists like Einstein and Fermi to make bombs, and for psychologists like B.F. Skinner and Harry Murray to offer their services to do secret work for the OSS-CIA. When we examine the system of rebellion, we come to see that Nietzsche’s first step is to accept what he knows. Atheism for him goes without saying and is “contrastive and radical.” Nietzsche’s supreme vocation, so he says, is to provoke a kind of crisis and a final decision about the problem of atheism. The World continues on its course at random and there is nothing final about it. Thus, God is useless, since He wants nothing in particular. If He wanted something—and here we recognize the traditional formulation of the problem of evil—He would have to assume the responsibility for “a sum total of pain and inconsistency which would debase the entire value of being born.” #RandolphHarris 10 of 17

We know that Nietzsche was publicly envious Stendahl’s epigram: “The only excuse for God is that he does not exist.” Deprived of the divine will, the World is equally deprived of unity and finality. That is why it is impossible to pass judgment on the World. Any attempt to apply a standard of values to the World leads finally to a slander on life. Judgments are based on what is, with reference to what should be—the kingdom of Heaven, eternal concepts, or moral imperatives. However, what should be does not exist; and this World cannot be judged in the name of nothing. “The advantages of our times: nothing is true, everything is permitted.” These magnificent or ironic formulas which are echoed by thousands of others, at least suffice to demonstrate that Nietzsche accepts the entire burden of nihilism and rebellion. In his somewhat puerile reflections on “training and selection” he even formulated the extreme logic of nihilistic reasoning: “Problem: by what means could we obtain a strict form of complete and contagious nihilism which would teach and practice, with complete scientific awareness, voluntary death?” However, Nietzsche enlists values in the cause of nihilism which, traditionally, have been considered as restraints on nihilism—principally morality. Moral conduct, as explained by Socrates, or as recommended by Christianity, is in itself a sign of decadence. It wants to substitute the mere shadow of a man for a man of flesh and blood. It condemns the universe of passion and emotion in the name of an entirely imaginary World of harmony. If nihilism is the inability to believe, then its most serious symptom is not found in atheism, but in the inability to believe in what is, to see what is happening, and to live life as it is offered. This infirmity is at the root of all idealism. #RandolphHarris 11 of 17

Morality has no faith in the World. For Nietzsche, real morality cannot be separated from lucidity. He is severe on the “calumniators of the World” because he discerns in the calumny a shameful tastes for evasion. Traditional morality, for him, is only a special type of immorality. “It is virtue,” he says, “which has need of justification.” And again: “It is for moral reasons that good, one day, will cease to be done.” The quality of consciousness is affected by the way we live. Food, hygiene, surroundings, personal habits, speech, manners, and auric atmosphere should be in harmony with the spiritual ideal—that is, sattvik. Put these qualities in opposition and the truth about them becomes plain enough. Vulgarity contributes nothing to spirituality, but refinement gives much. If high birth or much wealth makes a man arrogant or snobbish, h would not come under the philosophic classification of “gentleman” whatever his society declares. Whoever love the Ideal must expunge coarse language and obscene words from his personal speech, still more from prose writing offered to the public, and most of all from finely felt and shaped poetry. Not to stray from the truth is a prescription which is more important than it seems, whether in speech or writing. However, in the activities of those seriously set on the higher life, it is even more important. The divorce from outer expression affects the man’s inner invisible psyche and harms it. As a sequel it distorts what he believes to be true. The consequences are deplorable. Discipline of speech. It requires great tact and great wisdom to talk frankly and give someone constructive criticism or make needed correction without hurting him. However, even if both are absent, great love will achieve the same result. The fact that people feel they must speak constantly, talking to each other whenever they are together, is simply an outer sign of their inner restlessness, of their inability to control the activity of thought. That is to say, it is a sign of their weakness. #RandolphHarris 12 of 17

Discipline of speech. When a man has this feeling of inner harmony, it leads to a harmonious attitude toward all others. He suffers no nervous tension with them. He can sit, unspeaking, unplagued by tacit suggestions from society to break into his mind’s stillness with trivial talk, useless chatter, or malicious gossip. In many men, silence in conversation may betray their nervousness which is a form of inner weakness. However, in the self-actualized Christian, such silence is on the contrary a form of inners strength. Discipline of speech. The man who, in his speech, has no reverence for fact, is unlikely to find truth. He is friendly without becoming familiar, brief in speech without becoming discourteous. It is better for him to have a reputation for taciturnity than to ne so intimidated by the crowd as to conduct himself and conform his speech to common, shallow, obvious, and vulgar ways. There is an interchange of trivialities which too often passes for conversation which is both a waste of time and a degradation of speech. If he cannot say what he means, he should act on the principle that he should say nothing. Those who must speak of their emotional distresses or irritating problems, their misfortunes or disagreeable illnesses, should learn something from the Mormon attitude and at least do so with a smile. By the end of this phase, something else has come into full flower, something which answers the question: “If you cannot talk straight and tell it like it is, what is the most comfortable way to be cooked?” Everything Jeder has learned form his parents, his teachers, his schoolmates, his friends, and his enemies, goes into answering this. The result is his persona. Dr. Jung defines the persona as an “ad hoc adopted attitude,” a mask which the person “knows corresponds with his conscious intentions, while it also meets with the requirements and opinions of his environment.” Thus, he “deceives others, and also often himself, as to his real character.” #RandolphHarris 13 of 17

It is then a social personality, and the social personalities of most people resemble the personality of a child of the latent period, about six to ten years of age. This is because the persona is indeed formed by outside influences and the child’s own decisions, at just that period. When he is on his social behaviour, good, tough, likeable, challenging, grown-up Jeder need not (though he may) come on as either Parent, Adult, or Child. Instead, he may behave like a grade school boy, adapting himself under the guidance of his Adult, and within Parental restrictions, to his social situation. This adaptation emerges as his persnoa, and that, too, fits in with his script. If he has a winning one, his persona will be attractive, and if a losing one, repulsive, except to his own kind. Often, it is modeled on his hero. If enough trading stamps can be collected to justify dropping the mask, the real Child is hidden behind the persona, and may lurk there watching for an opportunity to spring. The question to ask the patient here is: “What kind of person are you?” or better: “What do other people thing of you?” This may provoke anger in some people. The capacity to experience anger, like the ability to become afraid, is a biological endowment; presumably, it served the interests of the human survival as a species. The problem, however, is how to regulate anger, for it can lead to violence between people. Open violence makes family and community life impossible. Chronically, suppressed anger is a factor in the development of many psychosomatic illnesses, including peptic ulcers, high blood pressure, asthma, ulcerative colitis, and so on. Anger typically arises when someone or something enters one’s “territory” unbidden, and it arises when people het in the way of one’s projects. #RandolphHarris 14 of 17

Finally, it arises, in the form of moral indignation, when one sees people acting in ways that one profoundly feels are evil. Anger energizes a person for attack, just as fear energizes for flight. When persons are at war, their rage will serve them well, enabling them to fight without reserve. In everyday life, however, the recurrent provocation to anger or irritation, without the possibility of full expression of anger or escape from the provokers, undermines health and wellbeing. A person needs to find respite from nagging irritation and to find socially and personally acceptable ways to express accumulated anger. Violent exercise, such as in handball or tennis, is frequently helpful as a harmless way to express anger that cannot be expressed in other ways. Of course, the attainment of a more positive attitude toward life may reduce the frequency with which a person becomes angered. Very conservative people often become enraged at the appearance and actions of persons with a radically different life style, even to the point of wishing them to be imprisoned or killed; a broader perspective upon what is regarded as acceptable ways to be human certainly diminishes the anger of such persons. The problem with anger is to learn how to accept it as natural in oneself and to express it in nondestructive ways. One author, Israel Charny, regards marriage and family life, not as a haven of peace and happiness, though it can be that; rather he sees the relationship between husband and wife, and between parent and child, as a place to learn ways to reconcile differences and to deal with anger without destroying the persons with whom one is angry. George Bach has actually provided instructions to married people on ways to fight fairly and non-destructively with one another. #RandolphHarris 15 of 17

Perhaps the most constructive way of dealing with anger or rage is to “work through” the emotion, to understand why you feel that way and through your understanding to reduce the intensity of rage and even, under some circumstances, to have the rage and even, under some circumstances, to have the rage washed away by the flood of understanding. This can be done with a skilled counselor and always involves the person’s readiness to express fully his or her anger to the understanding helper. Being a firefighter requests one to have the skills of a counselor to deal with people in distress and suffering from life threatening circumstances. The Sacramento Fire Department is the oldest fire department in California, and represents over 175 years of dedicated and heroic service by professional firefighters, paramedics, and EMTs. The Sacramento Fire Department is an all-hazards department that provides fire suppression, emergency medical services (EMS) and special operations, which includes response to hazardous materials and technical rescue incidents. The Sacramento Fire Department protects over 100.1 square miles of land and a metropolitan area of 7 counties with nearly 3 million people. The Sacramento Fire Department is dedicated to providing quality customer service and achieving its mission: Strengthening community through a network of skilled professionals dedicated to saving lives and protecting property. “A guy got burned up in his bed. I was a nozzle man on the unit, and we pulled the line into the bedroom, which was fully involved. We climbed across a lot of things. When the fire was over and the investigator was on the scene, we found what was left of the body in the bed. #RandolphHarris 16 of 17

“It really had an effect on me. For about three days after that, I couldn’t sleep. I had never been sickened by an incident before, but that got to me. Then something happened that woke me up. At an apartment fire. The fire was upstairs, and when we were taking a tag line up, there was this guy coming down the stairs on crutches. He was one-legged. We went on with our search. I found a dog, which was still alive, and I came across a shoe. I also grabbed a leg, but I was so intent on the rescue, I didn’t know if it was part of a body or what. I came out with the shoe and the leg, and I’ll never forget it. This guy says, ‘There’s my leg.” So I rescued this guy’s leg and his shoe. I got a little ragging from the guys. I made a pretty picture, sitting there with this guy’s leg.” The Sacramento Fire Department also strives to sustain and improve the health, safety, convenience, and welfare of the citizens of Sacramento and to plan for the future development of the community. You can help save lives and property by donating to the Sacramento Fire Department. And remember parents, please raise your children to love America, to be patriotic, to love God and Jesus, respect law and others, treat others with dignity and respect, and remind them of the importance of education. To help America survive the global recession and bring manufacturing jobs back to America and to get American wages at pace with inflation, it is important to buy America cars, American meat, American produce and other American made goods and services. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible with Liberty and Justice for all. Our Father, our King, be gracious unto us and answer us, for we are wanting in good deeds; deal with us in charity and lovingkindness, and please save us. #RandolphHarris 17 of 17


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