Become What You are Capable of Becoming

To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life. There is a degree of regression within the incestuous complex. Here, we can distinguish between very benign forms of “mother fixation,” forms which in fact are so benign that they can hardly be called pathological, and malignant forms of incestuous fixation which we call “incestuous symbiosis.” On the benign level we find a form of mother fixation which is rather frequent. Such men need a woman to comfort them, love them, admire them; they want to be mothered, fed, cared for. If they fail to obtain this kind of love, they tend to feel slightly anxious and depressed. When this mother fixation is of slight intensity it will not impair the man’s sexual or affective potency, or his independence and integrity. It may even be surmised that in most men there remains an element of such fixation and the desire to find something of the mother in a woman. If, however, the intensity of this tie is greater, one usually finds certain conflicts and symptoms of a sexual or emotional nature. There is a second level of incestuous fixation which is much more serious and neurotic. (In speaking of distinct level here, we are only choosing a form of description which is convenient for the purpose of a brief presentation; in reality there are not three distinct levels; there is a continuum which stretches from the most harmless to the most malignant forms of incestuous fixation. The levels described here are typical points in this continuum; in a more fully developed discussion of this topic, each level could be divided into at least several “sub-levels.”) #RandolphHarris 1 of 18

On this level of mother fixation, the person has failed to develop his independence. In its less severe forms it is a fixation which makes it necessary always to have a mothering figure at hand, waiting, making few demands, the person on whom one can depend unconditionally. In its more severe manifestations we might find a man, for instance who chooses a wife who is a stern mother-figure; he feels like a prisoner who has no right to do anything which is not in the service of the wife-mother, and he is constantly afraid of her, lest she might be angry. He will probably rebel unconsciously, then feel guilty and submit all the more obediently. The rebellion may manifest itself in sexual infidelity, depressive moods, sudden outbursts of anger, psychosomatic symptoms, or general obstructionism. This man may also suffer from serious doubts in his manliness, or from sexual disturbances such as impotence or homosexuality. Different from this picture in which anxiety and rebellion dominate, is another where mother fixation is mixed with a seductive male-narcissistic attitude. Often such men at an early age felt that mother preferred them to father; that they were admired by mother, while the father was held in contempt. They develop a strong narcissism which makes them feel that they are better than father—or rather, better than any other man. This narcissistic conviction makes it unnecessary for them to do much, or anything, to prove their greatness. Their greatness is built on the tie to mother. #RandolphHarris 2 of 18

Consequently, for such men their whole sense of self-worth is bound up with the relationship to the women who admire them unconditionally and without limits. Their greatest fear is that they may fail to obtain the admiration of a woman they have chosen, since such failure would threaten the basis of their narcissistic self-evaluation. However, while they are afraid of women, this fear is less obvious than in the previous case, because the picture is dominated by their narcissistic-seductive attitude that gives the impression of warm manliness. However, in this, as in any other type of intense mother fixation, it is a crime to feel love, interest, loyalty toward anyone, whether men or women, except the mother figure. One must not even be interested in anybody or anything else, including work, because mother demands exclusive allegiance. Often, if they have even a most harmless interest in anybody, or they develop into the type of “traitor” who cannot be loyal to anybody, because they cannot be disloyal to mother, such men have a guilty conscience. Here are some dreams characteristics of mother fixation. A man dreams that he is alone on the beach. An elderly woman comes and smiles at him. She indicates to him that he may drink her “mother’s milk.” A man dreams that a powerful woman has seized him, hold him over a deep ravine, drops him, and he falls to his death. A woman dreams that she is meeting a man; at that moment a witch appears and the dreamer is deeply frightened. The man takes a gun and kills the witch. She (the dreamer) runs away, being afraid of being discovered, and beckons to the man to follow her. These dreams hardly need explanation. #RandolphHarris 3 of 18

In the first one the main element is the wish to be nursed by mother; in the second, if she falls in love with a man, there is a fear of being demolished by an all-powerful mother (the witch) who will destroy her, and only her mother’s death can liberate her. However, what about fixation to father? Indeed, there is no doubt that such fixation exists both among men and women; in the latter case it sometimes is blended with sexual desires. Yet it seems that fixation to father never reaches the depth of fixation to mother-family-blood-Earth. While of course in some particular case father himself can be a mothering figure, normally his function is different from mother’s. It is he who in the first years of life burses the child and gives it that feeling of being protected which is part of the mother-fixated person’s eternal desire. The infant’s life depends on mother—hence she can give life and take away life. The mother figure is at the same time that of the life-giver and that of the life-destroyer, the loved one and the feared one. (In mythology, for instance, the double role of the Indian goddess Kali, and in dreams the symbolization of mother as a tiger, lion, witch, or child-eating sorceress.) The father’s function, on the other hand, is a different one. He represents manmade law and order, social rules and duties, and he is the one who punishes or rewards. His love is conditional, and can be won by doing what is required. For this reason, the person bound to father can more easily hope to gain his love by doing father’s will; but the euphoric feeling of complete and unconditional love, certainty and protection is rarely present in the experience of the father-bound person. #RandolphHarris 4 of 18

We also rarely fin in the father-centered person the depth of regression which we find in regards to mother fixation. The deepest level of mother fixation is that of “incestuous symbiosis.” What is meant by “symbiosis”? There are various degrees of symbiosis, but they all have in common one element: the symbiotically attached person is part and parcel of the “host” person to whom one is attached. One cannot live without that person, and if the relationships is threatened, he feels extremely anxious and frightened. (In patients close to schizophrenia the separation may lead to a sudden schizophrenic breakdown.) When I say he cannot live without that person, I do not mean that he is necessarily always physically together with the host person; he may see him or her only rarely, or the host person may even be dead (in this case the symbiosis may take the form of what in some cultures is institutionalized as “ancestor worship”); the bond is essentially one of feeling and fantasy. For the symbiotically attached person it is very difficult, if not impossible, to sense a clear delineation between himself and the host person. He feels himself to be one with the other, a part of her, blended with her. The more extreme the form of symbiosis, the less possible is a clear realization of the separateness of the two persons. This lack of separateness explains also why in the more severe cases it would be misleading to speak of a “dependency” of the symbiotically attached person to his host. “Dependency” presupposes the clear distinction between two persons, one of whom is dependent on the other. #RandolphHarris 5 of 18

In the case of symbiotic relationship the symbiotically attached person may sometimes feel superior, sometimes inferior, sometimes equal to the host person—but always they are inseparable. Actually, this symbiotic unity can best be exemplified by mentioning the unity of the mother with the fetus. Fetus and mother are two, and yet they are one. It happens also, and not too rarely, that both persons involved are symbiotically attached, each to the other. In this case one is dealing with a folie a deux, which makes the two unaware of their folie because their shared system constitutes reality for them. In the extremely regressive forms of symbiosis the unconscious desire is actually that of returning to the womb. Often this wish is expressed in symbolic form as the wish (or fear) of being drowned in the ocean, or the fear of being swallowed by the Earth; it is a desire to lose completely one’s individuality, to become one again with nature. It follows that his deep regressive desire conflicts with the will to live. To be in the womb is to be removed from life. The tie to mother, both the wish for her love and the fear of her destructiveness, is much stronger and more elementary the Dr. Freud’s “Oedipus tie,” which he thought was based on sexual desires. There is a problem, however, which lies in the discrepancy between our conscious perception and the unconscious reality. If a man remembers or imagines sexual desires toward his mother, he meets with the difficulty of resistance, yet since the nature of sexual desire is known to him, it is only the object of his desire of which his consciousness does not want to be aware. #RandolphHarris 6 of 18

It is quite different with the symbiotic fixation we are discussing here, the wish of being loved like an infant, losing all one’s independence, being a suckling again, or even being in mother’s womb; all these are desires which are by no means covered by the words “love,” “dependence,” or even “sexual fixation.” All these words are pallid in comparison with the power of the experience behind them. The same holds true of the “fear of mother.” We all know what it means to be afraid of a person. He may acold us, humiliate us, punish us. We have gone through this experience and faced it with more or less courage. However, if we were to be pushed into a cage where a lion expected us, or if we were thrown into a pit filled with snakes, we do not know how we would feel? Can we express the terror which would strike us, seeing ourselves sentenced to trembling impotence? Yet it is precisely this kind of experience which constitutes the “fear” of mother. The words we use here make it very difficult to reach the unconscious experience, and hence people often speak of their dependence, or fear, without really knowing what they are talking about. The language which is adequate to describe the real experience is that of dreams or symbols in mythology and religion. If I dream that I am drowning in the ocean (accompanied by a feeling of mixed dread and bliss) of if I dream that I am trying to escape from a lion that is about to swallow me, then indeed, I dream in a language which corresponds to what I really experience. Our everyday language corresponds, of course, to the experiences which we permit ourselves to be aware of. If we want to penetrate to our inner reality, we must try to forget customary language and think in the forgotten language of symbolism. #RandolphHarris 7 of 18

In regards to our case study on Clare, the fighting spirit involved in this trend appeared quite early in life. Indeed, it preceded the development of other trends. At this period of the analysis early memories occurred to her of opposition, rebellion, belligerent demands, all sorts of mischief. As we know, she lost this fight for her place in the sun because the odds against her were too great. Then, after a series of unhappy experiences, this spirit re-emerged when she was about eleven, in the form of a fierce ambition at school. Now, however, it was loaded with repressed hostility: it had absorbed the piled-up vindictiveness for the unfair deal she had received and for her downtrodden dignity. It had now acquired two of the elements mentioned above: though being on top she would reestablish her sunken self-confidence, and by defeating the others she would avenge her injuries. This grammar-school ambition, with all its compulsive and destructive elements, was nevertheless realistic in comparison with later developments, for it entailed efforts to surpass others through greater actual achievements. During high school she was still successful in being unquestionably the first. However, in college, where she met greater competition, she rather suddenly dropped her ambition altogether, instead of making the greater efforts that the situation would have required if she stilled wanted to be first. There were three main reasons why she could not muster the courage to make these greater efforts. One was that because of her compulsive modesty she had to fight against constant doubts as to her intelligence. #RandolphHarris 8 of 18

Another was the actual impairment in the free use of her intelligence through the repression of her critical faculties. Finally, she could not take the risk of failure because the need to excel the others was too compulsive. The abandonment of her manifest ambition did not, however, dimmish the impulse to triumph over others Clare had to find a compromise solution, and this, in contrast to the frank ambition at school, was devious in character. In substance it was that she would triumph over the others without doing anything to bring about that triumph. She tried to achieve this impossible feat in three ways, all of which were deeply unconscious. One was to register whatever good luck she had in life as a triumph over others. This ranged from a conscious triumph at good weather on an excursion to an unconscious triumph over some “enemy” falling ill or dying. Conversely, she felt bad luck not simply as bad luck but as a disgraceful defeat. This attitude served to enhance her dread of life because it meant a reliance on factors that are beyond control. The second way was to shift the need for triumph to love relationships. To have a husband or lover was a triumph; to be alone was a shameful defeat. And the third way of achieving triumph without effort was the demand that husband or lover, like the masterful man in the fantasy, should make her great without her doing anything, possibly by merely giving her the chance to indulge vicariously in his success. These attitudes created insoluble conflicts in her personal relationships and considerably reinforced the need for a “partner,” since he was to take over these all-important functions. #RandolphHarris 9 of 18

The consequences of this trend were worked through by recognizing the influence they had on her attitude toward life in general, toward work, toward others, and toward herself. The outstanding result of this examination was a diminution of her inhibitions toward work. We then tackled the interrelations of this trend with the two others. There were, on the one hand, irreconcilable conflicts and on the other hand, mutual reinforcements, evidence of how inextricably she was caught in her neurotic structure. Conflicts existed between the compulsion to assume a humble place and to triumph over others, between ambition to excel and parasitic dependency, the two drives necessarily clashing and either arousing anxiety or paralyzing each other. This paralyzing effect proved to be one of the deepest sources of the fatigue as well as of the inhibitions toward work. No less important, however, were the ways in which the trends reinforced one another. To be modest and to put herself into a humble place became all the more necessary as it served also as a cloak for the need for triumph. The partner, as already mentioned, became an all the more vital necessity as he had also to satisfy in a devious way the need for triumph. Moreover, the feelings of humiliation generated by the need to live beneath her emotional and mental capacities and by her dependency on the partner kept evoking new feelings of vindictiveness, and thus perpetuated and reinforced the need for triumph. The analytical work consisted in disrupting step by step the vicious circles operating. The fact that her compulsive modesty had already given way to some measure of self-assertion was of great help because this progress automatically lessened also the need for triumph. #RandolphHarris 10 of 18

Similarly, the partial solution of the dependency problem, having made her stronger and having removed many feelings of humiliation, made the need for triumph less stringent. Thus when Clare finally approached the issue of vindictiveness, which was deeply shocking to her, she could tackle with increased inner strength an already diminished problem. To have tackled it at the beginning would not have been feasible. In the first place we would not have understood it, and in the second place she could not have stood it. The result of this last period was a general liberation of energies. Clare retrieved her lost ambition on a much sounder basis. It was now less compulsive and less destructive; its emphasis shifted from an interest in success to an interest in the subject matter. Her relationships with people, already improved after the second period, now lost the tenseness created by the former mixture of a false humility and a defensive haughtiness. From experience, this report illustrates the typical course of an analysis, or, the ideal course of an analysis. The fact that there were three main divisions in Clare’s analysis is only incidental; there may just as well be two or five. It is characteristic, however, that in each division the analysis passed through three steps: recognition of a neurotic trend; discovery of its causes, manifestations, and consequences; and discovery of its interrelations with other parts of the personality, especially with other neurotic trends. These steps must be taken for each neurotic trend involved. Clare recognized many important implications of her morbid dependency before she recognized the fact of being dependent and the powerful urge driving her into a dependent relationship. #RandolphHarris 11 of 18

With man’s gradual increments of knowledge of the regularities of his World—of lunar cycles, the seasons, the migration of birds, and other periodic phenomena, he was able to develop an awareness of his environment as “natural.” Though his World remained harsh, threatening, and in measure unpredictable, man was slowly able to free himself from fear of the supernatural. As part of this freedom, he came slowly to recognize that his own bodily ills were an expression of natural forces. In this context, mental and emotional disturbances could be seen as eruptions from within the sick person rather than the violent visitations of an evil force. The priest gradually surrendered to the physician. However, for the time, the scourgings and other violences which had evolved in the struggle to cleanse man of “foreign powers” were continued when the naturalistic understanding of disordered behaviour was under way. In the spirit of the new understanding of deranged behaviour as natural phenomena, the same physically violent treatments could be administered in an atmosphere of humane acceptance of the victim and sympathy for him. Again, we see the start of a paradox which has marked much of the history of psychiatry—faulty theory or neglect of theory, coupled with humane motive, permits the efficiency of symptom reduction to justify violence to the individual—from the minimal assault of incarceration to the extreme of brain mutilation. #RandolphHarris 12 of 18

There have been three great stages of enlightenment in the history of man’s struggles with mental illness. The first of these came when derangements of the mind were seen as natural phenomena, not as expressions of supernatural assaults. The second came with the recognition that a humane approach, gentle care coupled with physical hygiene in a calm and sympathetic environment, brought amelioration of symptoms. The third enlightenment, most recent and still only partially realized in consistent and large-scale application, came with the gradual appreciation of the indissoluble bonding of the mental and emotional life of the individual with his physical functioning, and brought the first real understanding of the psychological origins of physiological disorders. The healing touch was replaced with the healing word, physical symptoms were seen to respond to nonphysical treatment, and the potency of thought both to produce and to alleviate distress was revealed. The power of suggestion was appreciated and effectively utilized long before there was any understanding of the psychological laws governing it; even today, as crystallized in the specific phenomena of hypnosis, we are without a generally accepted unifying theory. From knowledge of the power of words to relieve painful physical and mental disorders, there came finally in the discoveries of Dr. Freud a recognition of the potency of ideas and their associated emotions to give rise to malfunction and failure. In our accumulated wisdom, we now recognize that gross pathological disruption or destruction of the brain can produce disorders of behaviour, and that similar disorders can be instigated by stress, frustration, and emotional trauma in the absence of any observable alteration of the gross structure or function of the central nervous system. #RandolphHarris 13 of 18

On the side of therapy, we recognize that a painful, recurrent symptom can be relieved by ingestion of a drug, but may be also with equal effectiveness diminished or removed as a result of conversation with a perceptive counselor. It seems relatively easier to explain those disorders in which we can point to a physical agent as cause, and it seems relatively more efficient to use a physical treatment for a symptom which is responsive to it. Because of these apparent utilities and their associated practical efficiencies, we continue to labour with a dualistic approach to mental illness. We fail to establish and maintain an integrated view of man as a unified organism who functions holistically in adapting to the ocean stimuli in which he is immersed. It is possible to wrestle against the powers of darkness only by the spirit. This is a spiritual warfare, and can only be understood by the spiritual man—that is, a man who lives by and is governed by his spirit. Evil spirits attack, wrestle with, and resist the believer. Therefore he must fight them, wrestle with them, and resist them. This wrestling is not by means of soul or body, but by means of the spirit; for the lesser cannot wrestle with the higher. Body wrestles with body in the physical realm; in the intellectual realm, soul with soul; and in the spiritual, spirit with spirit. #RandolphHarris 14 of 18

However, the powers of darkness attack the three-fold nature of man, and through body or soul seek to reach the spirit of man. If the fight is a mental one, the will should be used in decisive action, quietly and steadily. If it is a spirit fight, all the forces of the spirit should be brought to join the mind. If the spirit is pressed down and unable to resist, however, then there should be a steady mental fight—when the mind, as it were, stretches out its hand to lift up the spirit. The objective of evil spirits is to get the spirit down, and thus render the believer powerless to take aggressive action against them. Or they may seek to push the spirit beyond its due poise and measure, into an effervescence which carries the believer beyond the control of his volition and mind, and hence off guard against the subtle foe—incapable of exercising proper balance of speech, action, thought, and discrimination—so that under cover they may gain some advantage for themselves. And remember, a great victory means a great danger, because when the believer is occupied with it, the ultimate negative is scheming how to rob him of it. The hour of victory therefore calls for soberness of mind, and watching unto prayer—for a little over-elation may mean its loss and a long, sore fight back to full victory. When the spirit triumphs in the wrestling and gains the victory, there breaks out, as it were, a stream from the spirit—an overflow of triumph and resistance against the invisible, but very real, foe. However, sometimes in the conflict the enemy succeeds in blocking the spirit through their attack on body or soul. #RandolphHarris 15 of 18

The spirit needs soul and body for expression; hence the enemy’s attacks to close the spirit up, so as to render the man unable actively to resist. When this takes place, the believer thinks that he is “reserved,” because he feels “shut up.” He has “no voice to refuse.” In audible prayer “the words seem empty”; he “feels no effect,” and they seem mere “mockery.” However, the fact is that the spirit is closing up as a result of the wrestling enemy gripping, holding and binding it. The believer must now insist on expressing himself vocally, until the spirit breaks through into liberty. This is the word of testimony” which Revelation 12.11 mentions as part of the tactic for overcoming the dragon. The wrestling believer stands on the ground of the blood of the Lamb, which includes all that the finished work of Calvary means in victory over conduct disorder and psychopathological offenders; he gives the word of his testimony in affirming his attitude to conduct disorder and psychopathological offenders, and the sure, certain victory thought Christ; and he lives in the Calvary spirit, with his life surrendered to the will of God, even unto death. The lordship of Christ is supreme, and the World must be subjected to it. Consequently, nature is suspect, culture is sinful, and one must be guided by the Spirit those presence is guaranteed only by puritanical moral conduct. The Christ-against-culture people tend to band together in a rigidly exclusive community to shun the World. They are exemplified in history by Tertullian, Sr. Benedict, the Mennonites, and Tolstoy. #RandolphHarris 16 of 18

The movement of withdrawal and renunciation is a necessary element in every Christian life, even though it be followed by an equally necessary movement of responsible engagement in cultural tasks. When this is lacking, Christian faith quickly degenerates into a utilitarian device for the attainment of personal prosperity or public peace. And some imagined idol called by his name takes the place of Jesus as the Christ, the Lord. An immediate awareness of God does not depend upon any one necessary intermediary, from the negative side which protests the demonic exaltation of any being over the ground of being. The Protestant principle in this negative sense stands against culture whenever a cultural form usurps for itself the dignity of ultimacy. Thus, the Cross, the symbol of the Protestant principle, never judges culture as such, but only its demonic distortions. What is truth? Inertia; the hypothesis that produces satisfaction; the least expenditure of mental strength, et cetera. First proposition. The easier mode of thought triumphs over the harder; as dogma; simplex sigillum veri. Dico: the idea that clarity demonstrates something about the truth is perfectly childish. Second proposition. The doctrine of being, of thing, of hard and fast unities, is a hundred times easier than the doctrine of becoming, of development. Third proposition. Logic was intended as facilitation: as a means of expression—not as truth…later it came to function as truth. #RandolphHarris 17 of 18

One cannot think what is not; we are at the other end and say, “Whatever can be thought must surely be a fiction.” There are many kinds of eyes. Even the Sphinx has eyes—and consequently there are many kinds of “truths,” and consequently there is no truth. Feel no great tension between church and World, the social laws and the Gospel, the workings of divine grace and human effort, the ethics of salvation and the ethics of social conservation or progress. We interpret culture through Christ and Christ through culture, and establish this harmony by selecting the best elements of civilization and matching them with the eternally true, rational principles exemplified in Christianity. The conflict in the World is not between man and God, but between nature and the human spirit, and Jesus as the Christ is the spearhead of the struggle to master and nature and incorporate it within culture. The merit of the Christ-of-culture type s that as a perennial movement the acculturation of Christ is both inevitable and profoundly significant in the extension of his reign. It stives to make Christianity all things to all men to gain them for Christ. Consider and see that the Lord is good; happy is the man that takes refuge in Him. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic, for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Happy is the man unto whom the Lord counts not iniquity, and in whose spirit, there is no guile. Happy is the man that has made the Lord his trust, and had not turned unto the arrogant. Part of being a good Christian is possessing charity. Please help the Sacramento Fire Department save lives by donating to their organization for they are not receiving all of their resources. Any donation could make a difference. #RandolphHarris 18 of 18

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