I came in the World cryin’ and fussin’. We had nothin’. Every ghetto I know is the same.  Once I am on top, I am never going to stop. It is impossible to gaze always upon a lovely countenance with equal admiration, for the sense becoming saturated, the heart requires something more—something to interest, to delight, to fix beyond the moment. Take a moment to make a list of your closet friends. What do they have in common (other than the joy of knowing you)? It is likely that most are similar to you in age and the same gender and race as you. There will be exceptions, of course. However, similarity on these three dimensions is the general rule for friendships. Nevertheless, sometimes things are so little different one from another, that there is no making pleasure out of anything, so sometimes people expand their circle of friends to include people from other cultures and genders. The most important thing about friendship is that it is an idle title of a thing, which cannot be where virtue is not established. People have a need to affiliate (a desire to associate with other people) and it is a basic human trait. This is probably because affiliation helps us meet needs for approval, support, friendship, and information. We also seek company to alleviate fear or anxiety. #RandolphHarris 1 of 11

What is the secret mesmerism which friendship possess, and under the operation of which a person ordinarily sluggish, or cold, or timid, become wise, active, and resolute, in another’s behalf? Beautiful people tend to be rated as more appealing than those of average age appearance. This is due, in part, to the halo effect (a tendency to generalize a favorable impression to unrelated personal characteristics). Because of it, we assume that attractive people are also likeable, intelligent, warm, witty, mentally healthy, and socially skilled. Basically, we act as if what is beautiful is good. Physical beauty can be socially advantageous. However, physical beauty is generally unrelated to actual personal traits and talents, and in reality, physical attractiveness has almost no connection to intelligence, talents, or abilities. Overall, good-looking people are less lonely, less socially anxious, more popular, more socially skilled than unattractive people. Does that seem shallow? If so, it may be reassuring to know that beauty mainly affects initial acquaintance. Later, more substantial personal qualities become important. #RandolphHarris 2 of 11

Still, in the Ricki Lake culture of the 1990s, when gushing out one’s insecurities and body shaming became popular as a tool to use against people who are naturally thin, people who were uncomfortable with their size began to lash out against others who were considered traditionally beautiful and privileged, and because these instigators had been demonized for so long, if the traditionally beautiful person responded, people would gang up on them and call them names and make that individual feel bad about being thin and beautiful, like the image that is so accepted by the fashion industry. So basically, people who felt undesirable inside, might be overweight, or have thinning hair, or did not like themselves for whatever reason, had a license for revenge, they got to go out and take out all their frustrations on people they were jealous of without any retaliation.  And because some people who are considered traditionally beautiful are really nice and find all types of people attractive and valuable, they could not respond because in hurting that person for attacking them, they knew that they would be also hurting themselves and their friends, so it made these traditionally beautiful people feel shamed for being thin, pretty or handsome, and they started feeling like rejects. #RandolphHarris 3 of 11

As a result, more people started turning to suicide because they felt bad for being who they were and could not respond. People would shout things at them like, “Go eat a burger, b*tch,” and think it was funny, and because Americans tend to be more heavy set than most of the World, that culture became acceptable. To make thicker people feel more socially acceptable, people started to shame the thin and beautiful. Art may disguise complexions, but never improve them. Similarity refers to the extent to which two people are alike in background, age, interest, attitudes, beliefs, and so forth. Social psychologists have repeatedly found that similar people are attracted to each other. And why not? It is reinforcing to see our beliefs and attitudes shared by others. It shows we are “right” and reveals that they are clever people as well. So eventually, hordes of people who felt like social rejects, even after plastic surgery, buying wigs, or wearing makeup, felt good about teaming up and harassing people who seemed to have it all. And when the witch hunters got into positions of power, they collectively, and systematically started harassing and terrorizing these individuals they did not like, to try and make them believe that they were cursed and would be better off dead and that even God was against them and that is why they had so much bad luck. One professor even told a student that suicide was probably his best option. #RandolphHarris 4 of 11

God, send me a friend that may tell me of my faults: if not, any enemy, and he will. There are friendships which are only bottle-deep.  How do people who are not yet friends learn if they are similar? Through self-disclosure. Our friendships and intimacies are only calculated for strong life and health. Forming a group to terrorize someone is really not a great option to being accepted. However, getting to know others requires a willingness to talk about more than just the weather, sports, or nuclear physics. At some point, you must begin to share private thoughts and feelings and reveal yourself to others. Such self-disclosure is essential for developing close relationships. A lack of self-disclosure, as noted above, is associated with anxiety, unhappiness, and loneliness. We more often reveal ourselves to persons we like than to those we find unattractive (physically or mentally). Disclosure also requires a degree of trust. Many people play it safe or “close to the vest,” with people they do not know well. Indeed, self-disclosure is governed by definite norms about what is acceptable. For instance, if you sit next to a boy you think it cute in math, you might start off by saying, “I hope this class is not too difficult.” Moderate self-disclosure leads to reciprocity (a return in kind). #RandolphHarris 5 of 11

 Young men of open, generous dispositions are naturally inclined to gallantry, which, if they have good understandings, exerts itself in an obliging complacent behavior to all women in general. Overdisclosure is self-disclosure that exceeds what is appropriate for a relationship or social situation. For example, imagine standing in a line at a supermarket and having a stranger in front of you say, “Lately, I do not know how I feel about Black people. I think I am pretty well adjusted, but occasionally I have some questions about them advancing in society and wonder if they are sharing their wealth with their family?” When self-disclosure proceeds at a moderate pace, it is accompanied by growing trust and intimacy. When it is too rapid or inappropriate, we are likely to back off and wonder about the person’s motives. Thus, as friends talk, they influence each other in ways that gradually deepen the level of likening, trust, and self-disclosure. Gambling requires as much coolness as the most austere school of philosophy. Women and men display an interesting difference in patterns of self-disclosure. To carry on two controversies at the same time is favorable to neither. #RandolphHarris 6 of 11

Two male friends share lunch at a restaurant. In the next hour they talk about sports, cars, sport cars, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, sports, cars, and basketball.  (Did I mention sports and cars?) Jill, who sat at a nearby table overheard the entire conversation. Here is her summary of what the men said to each other: “All they talked about was cars and sports and beautiful women.” In North American culture, most male friendships are activity based. That is, men tend to do things together—a pattern that provides companionship without closeness. You know, going to the mall means going to the mall, not drive me to some dark, secluded location and start feeling on me. Having a drink and shooting pool, means playing sports and not getting me plastered or pressuring me into drinking so I am unaware of what is going on. Increasingly, homosexual men are not attracted to other homosexual men, they want a guy who seems like a traditional father, fraternity guy, or a nerd. And so these guys are often preyed on by men, who they think genuinely want a friendship, but actually have ulterior motives. I was watching a documentary, and the author says that guys who are negative and not into drugs have to be very careful. Because sometimes party boys will pick up on them and take them to a club and turn them out. #RandolphHarris 7 of 11

It is especially dangerous to take an unsuspecting man, or boy out of his element because they are used to having a drink meaning having a drink, not let me spike your drink and have my way with you while you are unconscious and unable to consent because you will not report it. And sometimes people will get them hooked on drugs and some of these people have terminal illnesses and in their manic party phase, they lose their inhibition, may forget and get you sick in the process. So, in modern times, you have to be very careful with gendered friendship, the day next door type, may secretly be a homosexual male trying to turn you out. People usually want what they cannot have and that is why they come at you sideways or use ulterior motives. I think more men, especially in World Class Cities are catching on to what coming over for a beer means to some guys. I was talking to a guy and he told me to be careful about drinking with guys around here. And I heard another guy recently defending, to his girlfriend, why he did not want to go out with his guy friend, without going into details.  When his lady asked him, “Why not?” He replied, “It is not that I do not like him, I just do not want to have a drink with him,” and I knew exactly what he meant. (I do not trust him and I am not about that party and pleasure lifestyle.)  #RandolphHarris 8 of 11

The face of gay men is changing and their modus operandi (distinct pattern or method of operation that indicates or suggests the work of a single criminal in more than one crime) is changing. Not all gay men are open about their sexuality, and you might think some guys are just nice and want to be your friend, but they may be trying to get over on you. So, you have to be cautious when it comes to drinking with the guys and make sure you really know these guys. A lot of people grew up in good communities with family values, but times are changing. This is not the days of Archie Bunker, where having a beer meant having a beer and people openly discussed their feelings about culture. True bigots often hide in places where you least expect them, and will pretend to be neutral. When it comes to women, in many cases, the friendships of women are more often based on shared feelings and confidences. If two female friends spent an afternoon together and did not reveal problems, private thoughts, and feelings to one another, they would assume that something was wrong. For women, friendship is a matter of talking about shared concerns and intimate matters. Actually, the differences between male and female friendships are smaller than implied here. Men do know something about the private thoughts and feelings of their friends. #RandolphHarris 9 of 11

Often times, people assume they know you and have ideas about who you are and could be wrong. A lot of people think because men are nice and smile and do not speak up about things that they are slow, but they actually may not really like you and just be trying to avoid you and any conflict. Nevertheless, most contemporary men do not form close friendships with other men. Many could probably learn something from female friendships: Men live their friendships side by side; women live them face to face. Decision does not give one knowledge of anything that will occur in the future because the mere fact that a person has decided does not ensure that he or she will not falter, change one’s mind, or die tomorrow. Hence, it appears to be mistake to assume that because decision entails ignorance prior to decision, this ignorance is of something which one will know later as a result of decision; what one comes to know when one decides is nothing in addition to the decision itself appears to be that decision is an intentional concept. #RandolphHarris 10 of 11

“I really wanted it. I really wanted it. I was being the Wander Slut in those days. I kept a list on my computer of all the people I seduced. I seduced Randall. He nearly shot himself on account of it. It was perfectly disgusting.” I already got some designer to hold up my pants, I just want some ice on my wrist so I look better when I dance, have you lookin’ at it put you in a trance. Lord, may nothing separate me from you. Teach me how to choose only your way so each step will lead me closer to you. Help me to keep my heart pure and undivided. Protect me from my own careless thoughts, words, and actions and the Devil and his red hot pitch forks so they do not try and stick them in my hiney. And help me rest in the truth. And keep me from being distracted by my thoughts, desires and ideas how things should be. Help me to embrace what comes my way as opportunity.  God, you are my rock and my fortress. You are my shield and my strong tower. Teach me how to stand strong and choose only your way. Thank you that you love me and nothing can every take that away from me! Thank you Father in Heaven. #RandolphHarris 11 of 11