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Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Coming of the Lord!
When bad people combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. People who live for the next miracle cream do not realize that beauty comes from a secret happiness and equilibrium within themselves. Today I learned something about the house into which she disappeared. It belongs to a widow with three lovely daughters. Information in abundance is to be had there—that is, provided they have any. The only difficulty is to understand these details raised to the third power, for they are three speak at once. Her name is Cordelia Wahl, and she is the daughter of an officer in the Royal Navy. He has been dead for some years—the mother, too. He was a very severe and strict man. She now lives with her aunt, her father’s sister, who is supposed to be like her brother but otherwise is a very respectable woman. Now that is all very fine, but in other respects they know nothing about this household; they never visit there, but Cordelia visits them frequently. She and the two other young ladies take a course in the royal kitchen. Therefore, she generally visits there early in the afternoon, sometimes in the morning, never in the evening. They keep very much to themselves. So this is the end of the story; it is appear that there is no bridge over which I can steal into Cordelia’s house. #RandolphHarris 1 of 21
Consequently, she does have a conception of the pains in life, of the dark side. Who would have said this to her. Yet these recollections probably belong to an earlier period; this is a horizon under which she has lived without really being aware of it. That is fine—it has saved her femininity; she is not warped. On the other hand, it will also have significance in elevating her, if one really knows how to call it forth. All such things usually teach pride, provided they do not break one, and she is far from being broken. She lives near the embankment; they locality is not the best, no neighbours whose acquaintance one could make, no public places where one can make observations unnoticed. The embankment itself is not very suitable; one is too visible. If one walk below on the street, one cannot very well walk on the side next to the embankment, because no one walks there, and it would be too conspicuous, or one would have to walk close to the houses, and then one can see nothing. It is a corner house. Since the house has no neighbouring house, the widows to the courtyard are also visible from the street. Presumably her bedroom is there. No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear. What therefore God hath joined together, let not humans put asunder. Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. #RandolphHarris 2 of 21
When people are working out, they tend to get lost in the own thoughts. More than once, I have waited for a circuit machine to free up, only to watch Mr. Oblivious finish with a set and just sit there, hogging he machine. He could easily have alternated sets with me—but he simply was not aware of what was happening around him or he just did not care. In either case, he failed to realize the reality that in a public setting like a fitness center, you are not alone. You are in a group setting that requires being aware at all times of how your actions affect others. Here are some of the most common fitness club flubs that men make: Leaving a pool of sweat. Mr. Buff is really pushing his physical limits on an exercise bike. Finally the session ends, and he steps off the bike, still totally focused on his effort, and walk away. Behind him, the handles glisten with his manly perspiration, and the seat has a small pool of sweat on it, waiting for the next lucky exerciser to climb on—maybe even that certain someone he has been trying to impress. It is not that Mr. Buff refused to clean the machine on purpose—he just did not think of it. His mind was far, far, away, in an endorphin haze. Which brings us back to the central premise of the fitness center etiquette: Be conscious of the people around you. #RandolphHarris 3 of 21
Imagine this scenario instead: When Mr. Buffy steps off, he turns to the next person and says cheerfully, “Just a second—let me clean this off for you.” A handy bottle of cleanser and a towel are nearby. He squirts the towel and then wipes the bike down. This is called being considerate. It is also a great way to make the right kind of impression on your fellow fitness center member. So gross! “They do not wipe down their machines and weights when they are done. So gross!” Over and over women spoke loudly and clearly about the failure of men to wipe down the equipment after using it. It takes just a minute. Fitness centers keep pray bottles and wipe-down rags nearby. A quick spray and wipe will do more to ingratiate you with your fellow fitness buffs than any other thing you can do at the gym. By the way, it is not just women who are frustrated by this gross behaviour. Twenty-nine percent of the respondents who brought up this issue were men and, by a wide margin, this was the biggest complaint about the fitness center in a 2019 survey. The unwanted stare. This one is a toughie. Those close-fitting sports bras and shorts do not always leave much to the imagination. And then there is all that uncovered skin—sometimes lots of it—not to mention the occasional tattoo. #RandolphHarris 4 of 21
Somehow I have always thought of a tattoo as an invitation to look: After all, why else is it there but to be noticed? The other day, for example, a woman on the tennis court next to mine took off her jacket to reveal what looked like a tiny fairy tattoo of one of the fairies from William Blake’s painting Oberon, Titania and Puck with Fairies Dancing, circa 1786, one of the great works of modern art, on her back. I had to consciously work at not staring at her. I would have loved to really study that tattoo, but I limited myself to a few discreet looks when her back was turned toward me. The point is there is a difference between a look and a stare. Here is the distinction: When you look around you are you work out, your gaze falls naturally on another person but your focus is on what you are doing. When you stare, you focus on the object of your staring rather than on what you are doing. The bottom line: Women know when you are staring at them, especially when you are staring at their chest (“and I have a normal-sized bustline,” fumed one respondent). They do not like it. Do you want to impress a woman? Then look, do not stare. And look in her eyes, not at her assets. You will impress her most by showing that you are a man who knows how to respect a woman, tattooed, voluptuous, or otherwise. #RandolphHarris 5 of 21
Grunting—“In through the nose, out through the mouth. Exhale!” Dana, my trainer, exhorts me. And then I realize I can hear myself. I wonder if other people are hearing me, too. Now, there is a difference between an exhale—whooooosh—and a decibel shattering grunt. When your woosh becomes a grunt you have crossed a line, and when you do, men and women are equally irritated. You do not have to grunt to exhale and when you do grunt, as one respondent put it so eloquently, “You are just showing off.” Now it is time to pretend we are on an episode of Family Feud with Steve Harvey. Survey says: What Women Really Think About Macho Men. Here is what the women in our surveys had to say about men who are fitness center show-offs: Acts like Homey D. Clown trying to impress attractive women. Acts like The Rock when he is really In Living Color’s— Men On Films II, and deserves the new and improved, “Two snaps and a twist and a kiss. Pilot to Co-Pilot, we goin’ down in flames!” Admires himself excessively in the surrounding mirrors. Flexes constantly. Grunts and groans excessively. Lifts more weight than he can handle. Shows off his form in a spandex suit when he is overweight and his belly is popping out the shirt. #RandolphHarris 6 of 21
Nonetheless, in the realm of human destiny, the depth of a human’s questioning is more important than one’s answers. Our society is set up so that most women lose their identities when their husbands die…It is wrenching enough to lose the man who is your beloved, your companion, your best friend, the father of your children, without losing yourself as well. This is why some are bothered by the, “I am more important than you are” syndrome. I was on a Love Boat cruise ship recently where the line of jogging machines all face out the top deck windows, providing a fabulous view of the ocean as you work out. The sign-up system for these machines was pretty strict, I was told, for a good reason: It seems a woman had overstayed her time limit on one of the machines a while back, and the guy, who looked like Tattoo, waiting took a swing at her when she did not get off. Of course, she did not help matters by refusing to get off the machine when her time was up. Both individuals had fitness goals and needed to find a compromise. Otherwise it may seem they maybe guilty of the all-too-prevalent “I am more important than you are” syndrome, which seems to be a hazard of working out. The best way to deal with difficult people, and to avoid getting labeled as one yourself, is to respect the fitness center’s rules: Follow the schedules for all machines—start on time and end on time. #RandolphHarris 7 of 21
Do not monopolize the machines. Do not use the as spare seats, and do not stand around them whole talking with your buddies. If a conflict does arise, do not take it upon yourself to be the “twelve” or SWAT of the club. Instead, kindly point out the issue to the staff, and let them take care of it. In the event that you are the culprit, admit your mistake forthrightly and make a conscious effort to change your habits. Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there. Flirting with women in midworkout may not be a good idea. Do you ever read those relationship advice columns in Men’s Health? They are full of guidance on how to meet women, and one of the places they often recommend is the fitness center. You have got to wonder if any of these writers has ever actually been to a fitness center. However, I do love the trend they started with the bright neon shoes of any color with matching shorts. I admit, the idea of meeting the love of your life at the fitness center sound great in theory: After all, it is a place where a lot of fit, attractive people are gathered to pursue a common interest. So what exactly is the appropriate application for getting a woman’s attention that you are interested in doing a Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the 80s on the Stairmaster, or straining to complete the Suzanne Somers thighmaster with? #RandolphHarris 8 of 21
Well, since the days of the Jane Fonda workout tapes, there has not been one. Most women like to look like Farrah Fawcett, Aaliyah, or Viola Davis at the gym, but they do not want some beef cake like Brad Pitt, or hunk David Hasselhoff, or a tall cup of hot chocolate like Billy D. Williams in their face, breaking their concentration while they are trying to get their body like Beyonce. What they want is to be left alone so they can do their routine. The bottom line: Even if you look like Davey Fisher, back off. Do your workout and let her finish hers. On your way out of the club, after you have showered and dressed (and are looking and smelling great), you can try striking up a conversation by treating her to The Donna, a soy, caramel latte with a double shot and whipped cream, and a homemade, semi-sweet chocolate chip cookie, with a dollop of butterscotch, and pistachios at your local coffee shop, where you can strike up a conversation. At that point she may be as interested in talking to you as Rachel Zane was at getting into Harvard Law. Life is an unanswered question, but let us believe in the dignity and importance of the question. Also, when at the fitness center, remember your personal trainer is a person. My brother called me the other day. “Where are you?” he asked. “You were not at your workout with Dana, and she was surprised because she said you always call or text her if you are going to miss an appointment.” #RandolphHarris 9 of 21
I thought I had arranged with my wife that she would take my appointment and I would take hers, but we got our signals crossed and neither of us showed up. In five years of working with Dana, our personal trainer, I have heard over and over from her how frustrating it is to have an appointment not show up. She loses with the person who is skipped and she has a vacancy in her schedule someone else could have used, so from Dana’s point of view she loses twice. Personal trainers are like your best friend and confident like officer Poncherello and officer Jonathan from CHiPs. So it is natural to assume that when you happen to see him or her at the gym you can stop by for a chat. Unfortunately for your trainer and the client he or she is working with, your interruption takes away from the client’s time with the trainer. These sessions are as serious as doctor’s appointments. While a quick “Hello” is totally acceptable, it is better to save longer conversations for breaks between clients. Conversing with your trainer is a fun part of your workout (sometime the only fun part), but be careful about gossiping. Sure, your trainer is like a confidant, but do not say anything to one you would not want posted on a bulletin board for anyone to read. Even if your trainer is the most discreet person in the World, others working out nearby can overhear your conversation. #RandolphHarris 10 of 21
Also, class courtesy is very important. You can get a great workout from taking one of the many classes fitness centers offer members. Just be careful not to overdo it, and respect the other class participants as well. Cleanliness matters—weight training class had started when Mike Ross waltzed in and set up right next to me. Unfortunately, I almost had to leave class. He brought his Betty Crocker Tuna Salad Sandwiches with him. I felt awkward moving to another location so I had to bear it. Just because you are in a hurry to the gym does not mean you should bring your lunch with you. Hygiene and personal habits matter. Maybe consider buying lunch at the café. Therefore, leave your lunch at home. And always do your fellow fitness buffs a courtesy: Wash your clothes, wash your body, brush your teeth, and use a deodorant. Even more so, know your limitations. Do not try to poses or push yourself beyond your body’s limits. I have seen to many people exit a class and not be able to come back for weeks just because they pushed the limits and ended up straining their backs or a muscle. If you do want to try a new position or exercise, do not rock the boat, talk with the instructor ahead of time and get his or her help in making sure you can do so safely. #RandolphHarris 11 of 21
If you are at a more advanced level than the class, it is respectful to ask if you can execute a more advanced move, say, a handstand instead of a headstand, before just going ahead and doing it. If you have preexisting conditions take that into consideration. Before you start a class, give the instructor a heads up about any injuries you may currently be dealing with. That was he or she knows the limitations you have and will not inadvertently push you beyond your current capabilities. In the silence of night I have often wished for just a few words of wisdom from one person, rather than unsolicited advice from thousands of people. Success means never having to admit you are unhappy. If you cannot make a class, call. Weight training and tennis classes are very popular at my fitness center, and there are often more people who want to attend them than there are open slots. When someone blows off a class without calling, these folks get very upset and with good reason. There are plenty of people on the waiting list who would have enthusiastically taken the spot, and even at four in the morning they would have showed up religiously. The final thoughts: If you cannot make a class you have signed up for, be like Harvey or Jessica and call the center well in advance and let them know you will not be there. #RandolphHarris 12 of 21
The soul is a very complicated thing with an intricate internal structure that we need to understand if we are to appreciate the mind’s role in spiritual transformation. In order to understand that structure, we need to grasp two important issues: the different types of states within the soul and the notion of a faculty of the sou. The soul is a substantial, unified reality that informs its body. The soul is to the body what God is to space—it is fully “present” at each point within the body. Further, the soul and the body relate to each other in a cause-effect way. For example, if I worry in my soul, my brain chemistry will change; if I exercise my will to raise my arm in my soul, the arm goes up. If I experience brain cell damage, this can cause me to lose the ability to remember certain things in my soul. And so forth. The soul also contains various mental states within it—for example, sensations, thoughts, beliefs, desires, and acts of will. This is not as complicated as it sounds. Water can be in a cold or a hot state. Likewise, the soul can be in a feeling or thinking state. The soul contains several states. There is a belief that sounds have this kind of power. The awareness of God and your soul may percolate in your unconscious for some time; then, all of the sudden, you have an epiphany and a flash of insight comes to you, seemingly from out of nowhere. #RandolphHarris 13 of 21
O God, the Protector of the faithful, and constant Visitor of souls obedient unto Thee; may it please Thee to be present, with Thy favour, to Thy servants who dwell in this house; that while we visit them with human solicitude, Thou mayest guard them with Divine favour; through our Lord. “Now, as Ammon was thus teaching the people of Lamoni continually, we will return to the account of Aaron and his brethren; for after he departed from the land of Middoni he was led by the Spirit to the land of Nephi, even to the house of the king which was over all the land save it were the land of Ishmael; and he was the father of Lamoni. And it came to pass that he went in unto him into the king’s palace, with his brethren, and bowed himself before the king, and said unto him: Behold, O king, we are the brethren of Ammon, whom thou hast delivered out of prison. And now, O king, if thou wilt spare our lives, we will be thy servants. And the king said unto them: Arise, for I will grant unto you your lives, and I will not suffer that ye shall be my servants; but I will insist that ye shall administer unto me; for I have been somewhat troubled in mind because of the generosity and the greatness of the words of thy brother Ammon; and I desire to know the cause why he has not come up out of Middoni with thee. #RandolphHarris 14 of 21
“And Aaron said unto the king: Behold, the Spirit of the Lord has called him another way; he has called him another way; he has gone to the land of Ishmael, to teach the people of Lamoni. Now the king said unto them: What is this that ye have said concerning the Spirit of the Lord? Behold, this is the thing which doth trouble me. And also, what is this that Ammon said—if ye will not repent, ye shall be cast off at the last day? And Aaron answered him and said unto them: Believest thou that there is a God? And the king said: I know that the Amalekites say that there is a God, and I have granted unto them that they may assemble themselves together to worship him. And if now thou sayest there is a God, behold I will believe. And now when Aaron heard this, his heart began to rejoice, and he said: Behold, assuredly as thou livest, O king, there is a God. And the kind said: Is God that Great Spirit that brought our fathers out of the land of Jerusalem? And Aaron said unto him: Yea, he is that Great Spirit, and he created all things both in Heaven and in Earth. Believest thou this? And he said: Yea, I believe that the Great Spirit created all things, and I desire that ye should tell me concerning all these things, and I will believe thy words. And it came to pass that when Aaron saw that the king would believe his words, he began from the creation of Adam, reading the scriptures unto the king—how God created humans after his own image, and that God gave him commandments, and that because of transgression, humans had fallen. #RandolphHarris 15 of 21
“And Aaron did expound unto him the scriptures from the creation of Adam, laying the fall of human before him, and their carnal state and also the plan of redemption, which was prepared from the foundation of the World, through Christ, for all whosoever would believe on his name. And since the human had fallen he could not merit anything of himself; but the sufferings and death of Christ atone for their sins, through faith and repentance, and so forth; and that he breaketh the bands of death, that the grace shall have no victory, and that the sting of death should be swallowed up in the hopes of glory; and Aaron did expound all these things unto the king. And it came to pass that after Aaron had expounded these things unto him, the king said: What shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Yea, what shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my heart, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy. However, Aaron said unto him: If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt bow down before God, yea, if thou wilt repent of all thy sins, and will bow down before God, and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, then shalt thou receive he hope which thou desirest. #RandolphHarris 16 of 21
“And it came to pass that when Aaron has said these words, the king did bow down before the Lord, upon his knees; yea, even he did prostrate himself upon the Earth, and cried mightily, saying: O God, Aaron hath told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day. And now when the king had said these words, he was struck as if he were dead. And it came to pass that his servants ran and told the queen all that had happened unto the king. And she same in unto the king; and when she saw him lay as if he were dead, and also Aaron and his brethren standing as though they had been the cause of his fall, she was angry with them, and commanded that her servants, or the servants of the king, should take them and lay them. Now the servants had seen the cause of the king’s fall, therefore they durst not lay their hands on Aaron and his brethren; and they pled with the queen saying: Why commandest thou that we should slay these men, when behold one of them is mightier than us all? Therefore we shall fall before them. Now when the queen saw the fear of the servants she also began to fear exceedingly, lest there should some evil some upon her. #RandolphHarris 17 of 21
“And she commanded her servants that they should go and call the people, that hey might slay Aaron and his brethren. And when Aaron saw the determination of the queen, he, also knowing the hardness of their hearts of the people, feared lest that a multitude should assemble themselves together, and should be a great contention and a disturbance among them; therefore he put forth his hand and raised the king from the Earth, and said unto him: Stand. And he stood upon his feet, receiving his strength. Now this was done in the presence of the queen and many of the servants. And when they saw it they greatly marveled, and began to fear. And the king stood forth, and began to minister unto them. And he did minister unto them, insomuch that his whole household were converted unto the Lord. Now there was a multitude gathered together because of the commandment of the queen, and there began to be great murmurings among them because of Aaron and his brethren. However, the king stood forth among them and administered unto them. And they were pacified towards Aaron and those who were with him. And it came to pass that when the king saw that the people were pacified, he caused that Aaron and his brethren should stand forth in the midst of the multitude, and that they should preach the word unto them. #RandolphHarris 18 of 21
“And it came to pass that the kind sent a proclamation throughout all the land, amongst all his people who were in all his land, who were in all the regions round about, which was bordering even o the sea, on the east and on the west, and which was divided from the land of Zarahemla by a narrow strip of wilderness, which ran from the sea east even to the sea west, and round about on the borders of the seashore, and the borders of the wilderness which was on the north by the land of Zarahemla, through the borders of Manti, by the head of the river Sidon, running from the east towards the west—and thus were the Lamanites and the Nephites divided. Now, the more idle part of the Lamanites lived in the wilderness, and dwelt in tents; and they were spread through the wilderness on the west, in the land of Nephi; yea, and also on the west of the land of Zarahemla, in the borders by the seashore, and on the west in the land of Nephi, in the place of their fathers’ first inheritance, and thus bordering along by the seashore. And also there were many Lamanites on the east by the seashores, whither the Nephites had driven them. And thus the Nephites were nearly surrounded by the Lamanites; nevertheless the Nephites had taken possession of all the northern parts of the land bordering on the wilderness, at the head of the west, round about on the wilderness side; on the north, even until they came to then land which they called Bountiful. #RandolphHarris 19 of 21
“And it bordered upon the land which they called Desolation, it being so far northward that it came into the land which had been peopled and been destroyed, of whose bones we have spoken, which was discovered by the people of Zarahemla, it being the place of their first landing. And they came from there up into the south wilderness. Thus the land on the northward was called Desolation, and the land on the southward was called Bountiful, it being the wilderness which is filled with all manner of wild animals of every kind, a part of which had come from the land northward for food. And now, it was only the distance of a day and a half’s journey for a Nephite, on the line Bountiful and the land Desolation, for the east to the west sea; and thus the land of Nephi and the land of Zarahemla were nearly surrounded by water, there being a small neck of land between the land northward and the land southward. And it came to pass that the Nephites had inhabited the land Bountiful, even from the east unto the west sea, and thus the Nephites in their wisdom, with their guards and their armies, had hemmed in the Lamanites on the south, that thereby they should have no more possession on the north, that they might not overrun the land northward. Therefore the Lamanites could have no more possessions only the land of Nephi, and the wilderness round about. #RandolphHarris 20 of 21
“Now this was wisdom in the Nephites—as the Lamanites were an enemy to them, they would not suffer their afflictions on every hand, and also that they might have a country whither they might flee, according to their desires. And now I, after having said this, return again to the account of Ammon and Aaron, Omner and Himni, and their brethren,” reports Alma 22.1-35. Bless, O Lord, this house and all who dwell in it, as Thou wast pleased to bless the house of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, that within these walls may dwell an Angel of light, and that those who dwell together in it may receive the abundant dew of Heavenly blessing, and though Thy tenderness rejoice in peace and quiet; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Although the supreme cause is necessary, the effect may be contingent by reason of the proximate contingent cause; just as the germination of a plant is contingent by reason of the proximate contingent cause, although the movement of the Sun which is the first cause, is necessary. So likewise things known by God are contingent on account of their proximate cases, while the knowledge of God, which is the first cause is necessary. “I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. Racism is still with us. But it is up to us to prepare our children for what they have to meet, and, hopefully, we shall overcome,” reports Mrs. Rosa Parks. #RandolphHarris 21 of 21
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God is the protector of the faithful, the God of, all and in subjection to them in your mind reminding you to celebrate, be merciful to the inhabitants of Thy servants. Thou wouldst live in this house; so that those whom enter, the human visitors form care, and promise to protect you, as you are the power of the divine.
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The Spirit of Liberty Remembers that Not Even a Sparrow Falls to the Earth Unheeded!
We are a feelingless people. If we could really feel, the pain would be so great that we would stop all the suffering. A vivid example of this comes from a young man who has been a recipient of much sensitive understanding and who is now in the later stages of his therapy: Client: “I could even conceive of it as a possibility that I could have a kind of tender concern for me. Still, how could I be tender, be concerned for myself, when they are one and the same thing? But yet I can feel it so clearly—you know, like taking care of a child. You want to give it this and give it that. I can kind of clearly see the purposes for somebody else, but I can never see them for myself, that I could do this for me, you know. Is it possible that I can really want to take care of myself, and make that a major purpose of my life? That means I would have to deal with the whole World as if I were guardian of the most cherished and most wanted possession, that this I was between this precious me that I wanted to take care of and the whole World. It is almost as if I loved myself; you know, that is strange—but it is true.” Therapist: “It seems such a strange concept to realize. It would me I would face the World as though a part of my primary responsibility was taking care of this precious individual who is me—whom I love.” #RandolphHarris 1 of 22
Client: “Who I for—whom I feel so close to. Woof! That is another strange one.” Therapist: “It just seems weird.” Client: “Yeah. It hits rather close somehow. The idea of my loving me and taking care of me. (His eyes grow moist.) That is a very nice one—very nice.” It is, I believe, the therapist’s caring understanding—exhibited in this excerpt as well as previously—which had permitted this client to experience a high regard, even a love, for himself. Still a third impact of a sensitive understanding comes from its nonjudgmental quality. The highest expression of empathy is accepting and nonjudgmental. This is true because if you have formed an evaluative opinion of another person, it is impossible to be accurately perceptive of that person’s inner World. If you doubt this statement, choose someone you know with whom you deeply disagree and who is, in your judgement, definitely wrong or mistaken. Now try to state that individual’s views, beliefs, and feelings so accurately that one will agree that you have sensitively and correctly described one’s stance. I predict that nine times out of ten you will fail, because your judgment of the person’s views creeps into your description of them. Consequently, true empathy is always free of any evaluative or diagnostic quality. #RandolphHarris 2 of 22
The recipient perceives true empathy with some surprise: “If I am not being judged, perhaps I am not so evil or abnormal as I have thought. Perhaps I do not have to judge myself so harshly.” Thus, the possibility of self-acceptance is gradually increased. There comes to mind a psychologist whose interest in psychotherapy started as a result of his research in visual perception. In this research, many students were interviewed and asked to relate their visual and perceptual history, including any difficulties in seeing or reading, their reaction to wearing glasses, and so forth. The psychologist simply listened with interest, made no judgments on what he was hearing, and completed the gathering of his data. To his amazement, a number of these students returned spontaneously to thank him for all the help he had given them. He had, in his opinion, given them no help at all. However, it forced him to recognize that interested nonevaluative listening is a potent therapeutic force, even when directed at a narrow sector of life, and with no intent of being helpful. Perhaps another way of putting some of what I have been saying is that a finely tuned understanding by another individual gives the recipient a sense of personhood, of identity. #RandolphHarris 3 of 22
The sense of identity requires the existence of another by whom one is known, which means we need to have our existence confirmed by another. Empathy gives that needed confirmation that one does exist as a separate, valued person with an identity. Persons begin revealing material that they have never communicated before, in the process discovering previously unknown elements in themselves. Such an element may be “I never knew before that I was angry at my father,” or “I never realized that I am afraid of succeeding.” Such discoveries are unsettling but exciting. To perceive a new aspect of oneself is the first step toward changing the concept of oneself. The new element is, in an understanding atmosphere, owned and assimilated into a now altered self-concept. This is the basis, in my estimation, of the behaviour changes that can come about as a result of psychotherapy. Once the self-concept changes, behaviour changes to match the freshly perceived self. If we think, however, that empathy is effective only in the one-to-one relationship called psychotherapy, we are greatly mistaken. Even in the classroom it makes an important difference. When teachers show evidence that they understand the meaning of classroom experiences for students, learning improves. #RandolphHarris 4 of 22
It has been found that when teachers exhibit a high degree of understanding, children’s reading improves more than it does in classrooms where such understanding does not exist. This finding has been replicated in many classrooms. Jus as clients in psychotherapy find that empathy provides a climate for learning more of themselves, so students in the classroom find themselves in a climate for learning subject matter when they are in the presence of an understanding teacher. When persons are perceptively understood, they find themselves coming in closer touch with a wider range of their experiencing. This gives them an expanded referent to which they can turn for guidance in understanding themselves and in directing their behaviour. If the empathy has been accurate and deep, they may also be able to unblock a flow of experiencing and permit it to run its uninhibited course. Many people need empathic listeners. They feel wounded inside, like a physical wound, but do not like to see others feeling sorry for themselves. Yet at the same time, many people know no one will care about one’s own feelings like one cares about them, but in our culture it is not acceptable to express emotions. So they cover them up. They want to get rid of their feelings and pretend that are not hurt. #RandolphHarris 5 of 22
At the basis of their experience, there is a feeling of real tears for themselves. However, they cannot show them, must not show them, so they are covered by bitterness and the individual does not like feeling bitter and wants to transcend that emotion. Many people feel like they would almost rather absorb the hurt than to—than to feel the bitterness. And what they seem to be saying is, “I do not hurt, and I have tried to cover it up.” It is like a new discovery, as though some of the most delicate aspects of their being, physically almost, have been crushed. Therefore, it is clear people need empathic responses that encourage them in the wider exploration of, and closer acquaintance with, the visceral experiencing going on within. Most individuals are learning to listen to their guts (to use an inelegant term). One has expanded one’s knowledge of the flow of their experiencing. We may also see how this unverbalized visceral flow is used as a referent. How do people know that “guilt” is not the word to describe their feelings? They know by turning within, taking another look at this reality, this palpable process that is taking place, this experiencing. And so one can test the word “hurt” against this referent, and one finds it close. Only when one tries the phrase, “Oh you poor thing,” does it really fit the inner felt meaning of compassion and sorrow for one’s self. #RandolphHarris 6 of 22
In my judgment, many people have not only used this aspect of their experiencing as a referent, but have also learned something about this process of checking with one’s total physiological being—a learning one can apply again and again. And empathy has helped to make it possible. We also find in this slice of therapy what it means to let an experiencing run its course. This is clearly not a new feeling. So many people have often felt it before, yet it has never been lived out. It has been blocked in some way. I am quite clear as to the reality of vividness of the unblocking that will follow, because I have many times been a party to its occurrence, but I am not sure how it may best be described. It seems to me that only when a gut-level experience is fully accepted and accurately labeled in awareness can it be completed. Then the person can move beyond it. Again, it is the sensitively empathic climate that helps to move the experiencing forward to its conclusion, which, in this case, is the uninhibited experiencing of the pity one feels for oneself. We can say that when persons find themselves sensitively and accurately understood, they develop a set of growth-promoting or therapeutic attitudes toward themselves. The nonevaluative and acceptant quality of the empathic climate enables persons, as we have seen, to take a prizing, caring attitude toward themselves. #RandolphHarris 7 of 22
Being listened to by someone who understands makes it possible for persons to listen more accurately to themselves, with greater empathy toward their own visceral experiencing, their own vaguely felt meanings. The individuals’ greater understanding of and prizing of themselves opens to them new facets of experience which become part of a more accurately based self-concept. The self is now more congruent with the experiencing. Thus, the persons have become, in their attitudes toward themselves, more caring and acceptant, more empathic and understanding, more real and congruent. However, these three elements are they very ones that both experience ad research indicate are the attitudes of an effective therapist. So we are perhaps not overstating the total picture if we say that an emphatic understanding by another enables a person to become a more effective growth enhancer, a more effective therapist for himself or herself. Consequently, whether we are functioning as therapists, as encounter-group facilitators, as teachers, or as parents, we have in our hands, if we are able to take an empathic stance, a powerful force for change and growth. Its strength needs to be appreciated. #RandolphHarris 8 of 22
However, the empathic process is not regarded as the only important factor in growthful relationships. In the ordinary interactions of life—between marital and partners who fixate on pleasures of the flesh, between teacher and student, employer and employee, or between colleagues or friends—congruence is probably the most important element. Congruence, or genuineness, involves letting the other person know “where you are” emotionally. It may involve confrontation and the straightforward expression of personally owned feelings—both negative and optimistic. Thus, congruence is a basis for living together in a climate of realness. However, in certain other special situations, caring, or prizing, may turn out to be the most significant element. Such situations include nonverbal relationship—between parent and infant, therapist and mute psychotic, physician and very ill patient. Caring is an attitude that is known to foster creativity—a nurturing climate in which delicate, tentative new thoughts and productive processes can emerge. Then, in my experience, there are other situations in which the empathic was of being has the highest priority. When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified, or when one is doubtful of self-worth, uncertain as to 2—then understanding is called for. #RandolphHarris 9 of 22
The gentle and sensitive companionship offered by an empathic person (who must, of course, possess the other two attitudes) provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another. No master has the right to ask any candidate for discipleship to surrender oneself absolutely, to place oneself unreservedly in the master’s hands and to obey unquestioningly the master’s orders. The trust demanded should arise of its own accord by progressive degrees as the relationship proceeds and develops, and as the master proves by one’s conduct and effectiveness to be fully worthy of it. Because one gives the master devotion one does not also have to give this individual idolatry. One’s disciples are taught how to unite independent thinking with loyal feeling in their attitude toward one. This satisfies them both. There are those who think their teacher neglects to answer their mail. Because the teacher leaves their letters so long unanswered, they conclude that one means to drop them out of one’s life. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is true that one lacks the staff needed to handle it, that the pressure of work like writing and mediation and research notes leaves one little remaining time. #RandolphHarris 10 of 22
However, those who have met one personally and call themselves one’s disciples often cannot understand one’s behaviour so one gives this published experience. Once inner contact is established by a single physical meeting it is not necessary to have further ones with the guide although they may be helpful. Sri Aurobindo granted only a single minute to each individual at first or later meeting with a disciple or a candidate for discipleship. Thus it is evident that one does not consider more than sixty seconds really necessary to establish it. Not only are further physical meetings not necessary but even further personal action on one’s part, such as writing letter to the disciples are also unnecessary even though they may be helpful. Thus a spiritual guide does not need to do anything physically or write anything personally to keep up the internal contact, it being kept up by the student’s remembrance, devotion, faith, and meditation. No disciple can be effectively trained by the log distance method of an occasional exchange of letters. One needs personal supervision, personal contact, and personal discussion of one’s special problems. No conscientious teacher will ever undertake to give instructions by mail and declare it sufficient. It gives too meagre a basis for accurate understanding on the disciple’s part or for an adequate communication on the teacher’s part. #RandolphHarris 11 of 22
Then again one cannot accept the position of personal counsellor under the guise of being spiritual teacher. That is no one’s work. Most students who keep on failing to recognize this fac against all previous and present warnings and who send letter after letter with every fluctuation of their personal moods and fortunes, in an attempt to wrest advice or intervention from one, may force one to break the external contact with the individual until such a time as they do realize what the true situation is. If one were to adopt a counselling position and to agree to show students how to apply the philosophical teaching to every change of their own personal life, one would soon have no time to give out those teachings at all. Consequently one must refuse to respond to all these attempts often openly but sometime hidden, often naïve but sometimes cunning, to get one personally involved in the life of the seeker or to mix both their personal problems together. So many of one’s correspondents try to force one into this highly personal self-actualized teacher-student relationship, and thus to impose their own responsibilities upon one’s shoulders, that one has to fall into lengthy periods of silence to protect oneself. Moreover, if one were to respond to the emotional Worldly problems in the way such response is desired, it would only mean the downfall to both of them and the breakdown of their pure relationship. #RandolphHarris 12 of 22
To maintain this purity, to safeguard the relationship itself, and to protect the master as well as the seeker, the proper teaching must be given from the start and that is: the teacher must be regarded as a symbol, not as a person. One is to be considered merely as an agent for that which one represents, not just another human being entering into a human relation with the disciple. Often the beginner, finding that the teacher does not fully respond to one’s emotional craving for continuous personal attention, soon becomes disappointed. This feeling may develop until it reaches a critical stage where one of two things may happen. Either one will fail to pass the test, for so it becomes, and will withdraw altogether from the relationship—perhaps even maligning the guide—or one will continue one’s trust, gain a new point of view, and make the needed change to a higher attitude in the end. If, however, one allows one’s egoism or emotion to lead one into disobedience of this rule, one will only endanger the relationship. If one persists in this disobedience, one will even find it brought to an end for a time. So few understand what is really involved in this relationship, so many misunderstanding it and are therefore disappointed by it in the beginning or along the way, that the teacher prefers with rare exceptions of well-advanced cases, not to enter into it outwardly at all but instead to offer a little friendly help with obligation. #RandolphHarris 13 of 22
No real master is ever afraid that one might lose any particular disciple. One takes possession of no one and leaves everyone as free as one found them. One understands quite well that the human’s need or search and one’s own high self’s gracious response brought the master into the picture as an indirect medium through which the response could operate. One understands, too, that all the instruction and advice, the uplift and help which one gives the disciple originate ultimately and really within the human, as the latter will one day discover when one has developed one’s own direct access to them, and therefore refuses to regard the relationship between them egotistically. The meaning of history seems rather disappointing. The sense of “let-down” recurs. If the meaning of history is that we must accept what we cannot avoid, there was really no need of the extraordinary situation of the Cross to let us know it. If the result is only that we shall continue to do, with more awareness, what we have always done anyway, there was no need for Jesus the Christ to die in a supreme testimony to his unity with being-itself. Yet, even when we are not, we are in the truth; we are in grace even when we are in sin; we are accepted even when we are estranged. #RandolphHarris 14 of 22
The all loving, eternally forgiving, unconditionally accepting Cross is the Protestant principle. It is the meaning of the cross and of the entire history of humans illuminated by the word from the Cross. No doubt that it is a valuable insight. However, it is worthy all that has prepared it? Above all, is it worth the self-sacrifice of Jesus? Surely not. All religions have reached approximations, in practice and in theory, of the Protestant principle. Thus two lines, vertical and horizontal, symbolize the meaning of human existence. The vertical lines points to the eternal meaning of existence, and the horizontal to its realization in history. We recognize here the Protestant principle that the eternal informs the temporal. Is this unique in Protestantism, or even in Christianity? Far from it: Every religion necessarily has both directions, although different religions emphasize the one or the other. Every religion, in other words, embodies the Protestant principle to some extent. Had there been no final revelation, no ultimate center of history, our World would have continued, cultures would have developed, without explicit reference to the Cross; yet they would have been unified around smaller revelations, as has been the case with non-Christian religions. The Logos would still have become flesh in a series of revelatory kairoi. #RandolphHarris 15 of 22
Basis and abyss would still have joined together; and in the duality of both the Unconditioned would have manifested itself. The profane would still be inseparably conjoined to the holy. And the tension between the two would have settled down along the lines that we assign to Church and society: The Church is the perpetual guilty conscience of society and society is the perpetual guilty conscious of the Church. Granted, the New Being would not have appeared in time; the Unconditional would not have lived under the conditions of existence. However, human kind lived under the conditions of existence. However, humankind could not have missed it because, in any case, this paradox was not to be expected. This description of what would have happened to the Universe without the Christ’s appearance may seem like a caricature. Actually it is the reverse of the coin we have received. If the meaning of history is only the justification of the unjust extended to the moral, the intellectual and the metaphysical fields, we could, frankly, have managed without the Messiah. We could have discovered it by analysing the ground of being, by asking philosophers about being-itself. The imaginative element needed for the doctrine of the Absolute as both ground and abyss of dynamic truth—which is the Protestant principle, the meaning of history—which was furnished to us simply by meditating by the sea-side. #RandolphHarris 16 of 22
We bring history to the point where it borders on the revelation and is the achievement of no puny vision. It is the meaning we assign to history that leaves us still hungry and thirsty: we think we are being prepared for more. Light, in general, is associated with God, and the presence of light with the presence of God. Surrounded by all the numinous beings of Earth and sky and water, I pray with confidence, for I know God’s help is certain. I place myself at your service, God of my people. Please open me to your wishes, make me a conduit for your will, brining forth your desires in the human World. This goes before me, opening the door. Key to God, be my way-shower. Hidden in the folds of the land you dwell and have dwelt since the World began. I am one of the World’s younger children come to honor you with these offerings. To the God who rules this place, to you I offer my friendship and with it this gift. Gateway of God, please receive my offering. As it sinks deep with you, let me open the door, and let it be carried to them whim I praise in this way. “And it came to pass in the eleventh year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi, on the fifth day of the second month, there having been much peace in the land of Zarahemla, there having been no wars nor contentions for a certain number of years, even until the fifth day of the second month in the eleventh year, there was a cry of war heard throughout the land. #RandolphHarris 17 of 22
“For behold, the armies of the Lamanites had come in upon the wilderness side, into the borders of the wilderness side, into the borders of the land, even into the city of Ammonihah, and began to play the people and destroy the city. And now it came to pass, before the Nephites could raise a sufficient army to drive them out of the land, they had destroyed the people who were in the city of Ammonihah, and also come around the borders of Noah, and taken others captive into the wilderness. Now it came to pass that Nephites were desirous to obtain those who had been carried away captive into the wilderness. Therefore, he that had been appointed chief captain over the armies of the Nephites, (and his name was Zoram, and he had two sons, Lehi and Aha)–now Zoram and his two sons, knowing that Alma was high priest over the church, and having heard that he had the spirit of prophecy, therefore they went unto him and desired of him to know whither the Lord would that they should go into the wilderness in search of their brethren, who had been taken captive by the Lamanites. And it came to pass that Alma inquired of the Lord concerning the matter. And Alma returned and said unto them: Behold, the Lamanites will cross the river Sidom in the south wilderness, away up beyond the borders of the land of Manti. #RandolphHarris 18 of 22
“And behold there shall ye meet them, on the east of the river Sidon, and there the Lord will deliver unto thee thy brethren who have been taken captive by the Lamanites. And it came to pass that Zoram and his sons crossed over the river Sidon, with their armies, and marched away beyond the borders of Manti into the south wilderness, which was on the east side of the river Sidom. And they came upon the armies of the Lamanites, and the Lamanites were scattered and drive into the wilderness; and they took their brethren who had been taken captive by the Lamanites, and there was not one soul of them had been lost that were taken captive. And they were brought by their brethren to possess their own lands. And thus ended the eleventh year of the judges, the Lamanites having been driven out of the land, and the people of Ammonihah were destroyed; yea, every living soul of the Ammonihahites was destroyed, and also their great city, which they said God could not destroy, because of its greatness. However, behold, in one day it was left desolate; and the carcasses were mangled by dogs and wild beasts of the wilderness. Nevertheless, after many days their dead bodies were heaped up upon the face of the Earth, and they were covered with a shallow covering. #RandolphHarris 19 of 22
“And now so great was the scent thereof that the people did not go in to possess the land of Ammonihah for many years. And it was called Desolation of Nehors; for they were the profession of Nehor, who were slain; and their lands remained desolate. And the Lamanites did not come again to war against the Nephites until for fourteenth year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi. And thus for three years did the people of Nephi have continual peace in all the land. And Alma and Amulek went forth preaching repentance to the people in their temples, and in their sanctuaries, and also in their synagogues, which were built after the manner of the Jews. And as many as would hear their words, unto them they did impart the word of God, without any respect of persons, continually. And thus did Alma and Amulek go forth, and also many more who had been chosen for the work, to preach the word throughout all the land. And the establishment of the church became general throughout the land, in all the region round about, among all the people of the Nephites. And there was no inequality among them; the Lord did pour out his Spirit on all the face of the land to prepare the minds of the children of humans, or to prepare their hearts to receive the word which should be taught among them at the time of his coming. #RandolphHarris 20 of 22
“That they might not be hardened against the word, that they might not be unbelieving, and go on to destruction, but that they might receive the word with joy, and as a branch be grafted into the true vine, that they might enter into the rest of the Lord their God. Now those priests who did go forth among the people did preach against all lyings, and deceivings, and envyings, and strifes, and malice, and revilings, and stealing, robbing, plundering, murdering, committing adultery, and all manner of lasciviousness, crying that these things ought not so to be—holding forth things which must shortly come; yea, holding forth the coming of the Son of God, his sufferings and death, and also the resurrection of the dead. And many of the people did inquire concerning the pace where the Son of God should come; and they were taught that he would appear unto them after his resurrection; and this the people did hear with great joy and gladness. And now after the church had been established throughout all the land—having got the victory over the devil, and the word of God being preached in its purity in all the land, and the Lord pouring out his blessing upon the people—thus ended the fourteenth year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi,” reports Alma 16.1-21. #RandolphHarris 21 of 22
Proceeding from strength to strength, and having finished the Divine Liturgy in Thy temple, we now entreat Thee, Lord our God, please vouchsafe us to enjoy Thy perfect love. Our God and God of our fathers, on this Festival of Joy and Gladness, our hearts are filled with gratitude to Thee. Recalling the redemption of Israel from Egyptian bondage, we pray, O Lord, that the day may soon dawn when all Thy children shall be free. Recalling this day of revelation of Thy Law on Sinai, we reaffirm our unswerving devotion to Thy Torah. We pray that Thine eternal Law shall guide the lives of all Thy children. Recalling of this Sukkot Festival Thy sheltering care of our forefathers, may we, too, be every grateful for Thy protecting love and bounty. Just as our forefathers laid their offerings on Thy altar in the Temple at Jerusalem on the Three Festivals, so may we, O God, with like devotion, help in the rebuilding and restoration of Zion. Grant that our homeless and exiled brothers and sisters may soon return to the land of our fathers, there to dwell in peace. And may the observance of this Festival quicken anew our faith in Thee and our loyalty to Thy commandments. Amen. #RandolphHarris 22 of 22
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God, that invisible power of your work has a remarkable effect of Thy Sacraments, and although we are unworthy to perform such great mysteries, you could give us your grace not to give up, and even answer our prayers favorably. My we keep you in our hearts, God Almighty and constantly seek you.
Now, Here, You See, it Takes All the Running You Can Do, to Stay in the Same Place!
I never saw a moor, I never saw the sea; yet I know how the heather looks, and what a wave must be. Ah, the dilemmas of tipping: Should you? If so, how much—and when? There was a time when you tipped to show your appreciation for good service. Nowadays restaurants in particular automatically figure in potential tips when deciding what to pay their workers. This allows the restaurant to pay lower wages—and turns tips into an absolute necessity for those workers. In these cases, the only way to show special appreciation is to tip more than the expected amount. With other professions, such as furniture movers, the old concept still holes: They are getting paid a good salary to do their job, any tip you give is considered an expression of thanks for outstanding service. The same goes for any business that posts a tip jar on the counter; in these cases a tip is not necessary, an whether you decide to leave one or not is totally up to you. On the other hand, if you fail to tip when it is expected, you can be assured that the gesture will be perceived as being unfriendly—a message you probably do not want to send. Even in cases where the service is truly bad—for example, when your restaurant waiter is inattentive or rude—the wrong response is to leave a greatly reduced tip. #RandolphHarris 1 of 23
Leaving an unusually low tip for service that was not up to your standards does not accomplish anything other than annoying your server. If there is a real problem with someone’s service, leave a tip that is on the low end of usual—then make a point of taking up your complaint with that person’s manager or supervisor. Appropriate tips for business and professional services are an important area of consideration. For barbers, a tip of 15 to 20 percent is perfectly reasonable, but round up to the nearest dollar. The woman who cuts my hair charges sixty dollars, and I tip twenty dollars each time. It is easier, and she is worthy every penny. If you are in a fancy salon in which different people provide hair washing, shaving, and so on, give a tip of five or ten dollars to each service provider and a tip equal to 15 or 20 percent of the bill to the person who cute your hair. When the owner cuts your hair, that is usually a major compliment, and it is important for you to also show respect to them, especially as a gift during the holidays. Delivers are of extreme importance to many people at the point in our lives. A supermarket delivery person should receiver around at least five dollars per delivery, more as the number of bags and flights of stairs increase. Many delivery services are barely earning a profit. #RandolphHarris 2 of 23
Food deliverers usually get a tip equal to 15 percent of the bill because the delivery charge does to the owner. The tip should be at least five dollars for a pizza, and say five to ten dollars if the order is larger or the delivery involves several flights of stairs. Movers are another category to consider. The head mover gets one around one hundred dollars and crew members should get fifty dollars, depending on how much furniture is moved. If they also packed your belongings, the tip may increase. Garage attendants are very important as they are handling your beloved vehicle. At least consider giving them a ten-dollar tip to the parking lot attendant who brings your car to you when you pick it up. If you park your car in the garage, you may want to tip he attendants twenty dollars periodically to ensure prompt service, then offer a large tip at the holidays. For the municipal solid waste (refuse) and recyclables collector, hand out a twenty dollar per crew member tip at the holidays. If your service is municipal, check to be sure there is no regulation preventing gifts to crew members before offering them. For lawn care, if the gardener is polite and does not wake you and the entire neighbourhood up to the endless, disturbing, and obnoxiously loud sound of a leaf blower for hours on end every day, you can offer him or her a fifty-dollar time at the end of the season. #RandolphHarris 3 of 23
Grocery loaders sure can be a huge convince, if the loader helps you to your car with the normal number of bags, tip five dollars. If you have a large number of bags, consider a ten-dollar tip. Generally, you should tip your taxi drivers approximately 15 percent of the cost of the fare—but never less than two or thee dollars. For instance, 15 percent of a twelve-dollar fare comes to $1.80; in this case, it makes sense to round the tip up to an even two dollars. Private cars and limousines are an important item for many business people. If you get billed regularly by a car service, the best approach is to ask the company if a gratuity is included, in the fee. If not, ask the scheduler to add a 15-percent gratuity to the bill. This way everything is included, and you do not have to worry about fumbling for a tip when you arrive at your destination. If you are paying for the trip at the end of the ride, then tip the driver as you would for a taxi. Sometimes a car service ma be provided for you by a company or some other third party. In this case, offer the driver a five to ten-dollar tip at the end of the ride. It is a nice gesture on your part. In Washington D.C., I once had a car service at my disposal for an entire day. During my downtime between interviews, the driver took me to visit the Vietnam War Memorial, the Korean War Memorial, and several other sites around the Mall. I gave him an extra-large tip of three hundred and seventy-five dollars as a sign of my gratitude—even though someone else was paying the bill. #RandolphHarris 4 of 23
Tipping at restaurants is something we all want to do to make sure people know we come from good stock. For coatroom attendants, tip the attendant five dollars per coat when you pick up your garments—and add a few extra dollars if you also checked parcels, umbrellas, or hats. As for the washroom attendants—you will tend to see them much more in Europe than in the Untied States of America, though there is a recent trend toward having washroom attendants at restaurants in larger U.S. cities. You may want to consider tipping the attendant no less than five dollars. Often the washroom will have a plate with some money on it where you can leave a tip. Waiters and waitresses are very important people because they handle your food and make sure that you are enjoying the atmosphere in restaurant you are eating at. Eating at a restaurant is usually a treat or for a celebration. Tipping the waitstaff has changed from the traditional 15 percent. Today most people tip 20 percent, both out of generosity and because the math is easier. One important note: The tip is based on the cost of the meal before any taxes are added. If the waiter serves wine or any other drinks, then the cost of these beverages should be figured into the tip as well. However, most Americans are so generous, they even tip on top of the price after taxes are added in. #RandolphHarris 5 of 23
Waitstaff at a buffet-style restaurant should be left a 10-percent rather than 15-percent tip because they do not provide full service. Generally, bus staff are not tipped but receive a share of the pooled tips. Be careful to check the menu and your bill for any indication that gratuity has been added to the bill, especially for group of six more people. Usually you do not tip the restaurant maître d’ or host or hostess. The harsh truth is, tipping the maître d’ is not really likely to get you a good table. On the other hand, if you go to a certain restaurant often, you may want to tip the maître d’, host, or hostess ten to twenty dollars every once in a while to acknowledge their ongoing service and attention to your needs, if that is the case. As for the wine steward—if the restaurant has a wine steward who helps you select the wine and pour it for you, you should tip him or her the same percentage you will tip the waitstaff, usually 20 percent. I am often asked, “What if you buy a four hundred-dollar bottle of wine? Does it not seem a little excessive to tip the wine steward eighty dollars?” My response: If you can handle buying a four hundred-dollar bottle of wine, then you can handle an eighty-dollar tip for the wine steward. #RandolphHarris 6 of 23
You can either tip the wine steward in cash when he or she pours the last of the wine or you can list his or her tip separately and add it to the bill at the end of the meal. Remember, if you do tip the wine steward separately deduct the prince of the wine from the bill before figuring the tip for the waitstaff or you will end up tipping twice on the wine. Generally, bartenders are tipped 20 percent of the bar bill. If you are at a restaurant and have drinks while you are waiting for your table, you should leave a 20-percent tip for the bartender before being shown to your table. Remember: if you do not tip the bartender and the drinks are part of your total bill, mentally deduct the bar tab from the bill before figuring the tip. There are usually two different kinds of musicians in restaurants—those who play in the background and musicians who go from table to table like traveling minstrels. Musicians who play in the background, such as piano players, will usually have a brandy snifter or some other container for tips. As with all tip jars, the decision to tip in this case is entirely up to you. Musicians who travel from table to table should be tipped five dollars or ten when they visit your table plus five dollars for each request. Do not feel you have to wait for the musician to finish playing before tucking into your meals. You are there to enjoy your food, so feel free to eat while you are being served. #RandolphHarris 7 of 23
Valet parking sure is a nice convivence. It is appropriate to tip the parking attendant five to ten dollars when he or she brings you your car. In a large metropolitan area, the tip maybe as much as twenty dollars. Holiday tipping is a great way to show how grateful you are. Consider giving the newspaper delivery person twenty-dollar tip. Household help is essential for so many working adults in their busy daily lives. A cleaning person or a regular babysitter should generally be offered a monetary gift to the cost of one service, plus a small gift. For a babysitter, the gift can be from the child(ren). Usually, you do not tip household help on a weekly basis. If you hire a person to do a onetime cleaning, hen a 20-percent tip at the time of service is appropriate. Similarly, do not forget dog walkers and plant waters who also make your life easier throughout the year. Residential building employees can be a blessing. Superintendents should typically be given a tip of around fifty dollars if they help with deliveries, fix things, or carry heavy items for you—ranging down to twenty dollars or less if these services are not provided. The doorman is someone who is often overlooked, but always keeps an eye out of us. Give a holiday tip of around fifty dollars for a very helpful door-person and less for those you do not interact with regularly. #RandolphHarris 8 of 23
Elevator operators are a nice convivence. A ten- to twenty-dollar tip at the holiday season is an appropriate thank you for service throughout the year. If he or she does something special for you, tip at the time the service is given. For greeters you do not see—your building may have several different greeters working at times when you do no see them, yet they provide a valuable service just by being there and being available. If your building has several greeters, check to see if a tip pool has been set up by the building to share tips for the greeters. You can always give the greeters who you see often a little something extra. The same is true for other residential building personnel. Tipping when traveling is a special category. When I am simply unsure of how much to leave, I am uncomfortable tipping. This issue comes up most often when I am in countries other than the United States of America. I want to tip reasonably for the expectations of the country I am visiting, but I simply do not know what those expectations are. If you are raveling abroad, take the time to check online or read a good travel book on the region you are heading to—the good ones almost always include advice on tipping. They key is to pin down this information before you leave home, so you will know what is customary once you reach the place you are visiting. #RandolphHarris 9 of 23
On the cruise ship there will generally be provided a detailed gratuity schedule. Check with your cruise company or their Web site regarding this schedule before setting sail—then follow it. All of us at sometime or another have to fly. At the airport, skycaps should be tipped five dollars for one bag, and a few dollars for each additional bag. Wheelchair pushers and cart drivers can be tipped five to ten dollars. Airline ground personnel and flight attendants are not usually tipped. Motels and hotels can be a nice get away for many of us. If the bell person helps you with your baggage, tip five dollars and a few dollars for each additional bag. Any additional service, such as bringing you a package, should be tipped five dollars each time. If the greeter at the hotel helps you with your baggage, again tip five dollars and a few additional dollars per bag. If the greeter gets a cap for you, a tip of five dollars or more is appropriate, depending on the weather and how hard he or she had to work to get the cab. Room service is so vital when we are on vacation or a business trip. Tip 15 percent of the bill but never less than five dollars. Not that this is in addition to the hotel’s fee for providing room service. The only exception to this is if the hotel has already added both a room service fee and a gratuity on the room service receipt. #RandolphHarris 10 of 23
The Concierge: Generally, the concierge should be tipped at least ten dollars for arranging your reservation, and so on. If he or she has gone above and beyond the call of normal service, you can increase the amount. For example, tip 20 percent of the ticket price for hard-to-get theater tickets. Housekeeping is a great service for adults who are on the go. The housekeeping staff is often ignored in the tipping department. Yet they perform vital service, and saying “thank you” to them is as appropriate as it is for the concierge, greeter, or baggage handler. Depending on the hotel a tip of five to ten dollars a day is appropriate. It is best to leave it each day in an envelope or with a note marked “Housekeeping—thank you” as staff may change day to day. The impact of such a person on others may be the most memorable event of their lives or it may be the most trivial. That will depend on their own readiness to appreciate and estimate, their own capacity to absorb and receive. Take only the quality of one’s serenity, for instance, and imagine what it could mean to anyone thrown into contact with one during an important time in their lives. “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, not depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord,” reports Romans 8.38-39. #RandolphHarris 11 of 23
These well-known words of Paul express the Christian faith in divine Providence. They are the first and fundamental interpretation of the disturbing words in the gospel of Matthew, where Jesus commands us not to take any though about our life and food and clothing, and to seek first the Kingdom of God, for all of our daily life and needs are already known by God. We need such an interpretation. For there are a few articles of the Christian faith which are more important for the daily life of every man and woman, and there are few more open to misunderstanding and distortion. And such misunderstanding necessarily leads to a disillusionment which not only turns the hearts of humans away from God, but also creates a revolt against Him, against Christianity, and against religion. When I spoke to the soldiers between the battles of the last war, they expressed their denial of the Christian message in terms of an attack upon the belief in Providence—an attack which obviously drew its bitterness from fundamental disappointments. After reading a paper written by the great Einstein, in which he challenges the faith in a personal God, I concluded that there was no difference between his feeling and that of the unsophisticated soldier. The idea of God seemed to be impossible, because the reality of our World seems to be in opposition to the all-might power of a wise and righteous God. #RandolphHarris 12 of 23
Once, when I tried to interpret to a group of Christian and Jewish refugees the paradoxical character of the divine World-government in terms of Second Isaiah, a formerly eminent Jew from West Germany told me that he had received many cablegrams from Southern France informing him of the horrible story of the sudden evacuation, from Germany, of nearly ten thousand Jews of the age of ninety or more, and of their transportation to the concentration camps. He said that the thought of this unimaginable misery prevented him from being able to find meaning in even the most powerful message concerning the divine Providence. What answer shall we give, what answer can we give to such a crucial problem—a problem in which Christianity as a whole is at stake, a problem in which has nothing to do with a theoretical criticism of the idea of God, but rather which represents the anguish of the human heart which can no longer stand the power borne by the daemonic forces on Earth? Paul speaks of these forces. He knows them all: the horror of death and the anxiety of life; the irresistible strength of natural and historic powers; the ambiguity of the present and the inscrutable darkness of the future; the incalculable turns of fate from height to depth, and from depth to height; and the destruction of creature by creature. #RandolphHarris 13 of 23
Paul knows the forces all as well as we do, who have, in our period, rediscovered them, after a short time in which Providence and reality seemed to be a matter of fact. However, it never was, and never will be, a matter of fact. It is rather a matter of the most powerful, the most paradoxical, and the most venturing faith. Only as such has it meaning and truth. What is its content? It is certainly not a vague promise that, with the help of God, everything will come to a good end; there are many things that come to a bad end. And it is not the maintenance of hope in every situation; there are situations in which there can be no hope. Nor is it the anticipation of a period of history, in which divine Providence will be proved by human happiness and goodness; there is no generation in which divine Providence will be less paradoxical than it is in ours. However, the content of the faith in Providence is this; when death rains from Heaven as it does now, when cruelty wields power over nations and individuals as it does now, when hunger and persecution drive millions from place to place as they do now, and when prisons and slums all over the World distort the humanity of bodies and souls of humans as they do now—we can boast in that time, and just in that time, that even all of this cannot separate us from the love of God. #RandolphHarris 14 of 23
In this sense, and in this sense alone, all things work together for good, for the ultimate good, the eternal love, and the Kingdom of God. Faith in divine Providence is the faith that nothing can prevent us from fulfilling the ultimate meaning of our existence. Providence does not mean a divine planning by which everything is predetermined, as is an efficient machine. Rather, Providence means that there is a creative and saving possibility implied in every situation, which cannot be destroyed by any event. Providence means that the daemonic and destructive forces within ourselves and our World can never have an unbreakable grasp on us, and that the bond which connects us with the fulfilling love can never be disrupted. This love appears to us and is embodied in “Christ Jesus our Lord.” By adding this, Paul does no use a merely solemn phrase, as we often do when we use the words. He uses them, rather, after he has pointed to the only thing that can destroy our faith in Providence, which is our disbelief in the love of God, our distrust of God, our fear of His wrath, our hatred of his Presence, our conception of Him as a tyrant who condemns us, and our feeling of sins and guilt. It is not the depth of our suffering, but the depth of our faith in Providence. #RandolphHarris 15 of 23
Providence and the forgiveness of sins are not two separate aspects of the Christian faith; they are one and the same—the certainty that we can reach eternal life in spite of suffering and sin. Paul unites both words by saying, “Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ Jesus…who maketh intercessions for us,” and therefore, he continues, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or anguish, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? In all these things we are more than conquerors through one who loves us.” This is the faith in Providence, and this alone. “Now Alma, seeing that the words of Amulek had silenced Zeezrom, for he beheld that Amulek had caught him in his lying and deceiving to destroy him, and seeing that he began to tremble under a consciousness of his guilt, he opened his mouth and began to speak unto him, and to establish the words of Amulek, and to explain things beyond, or to unfold the scriptures beyond that which Amulek had done. Now the words that Alma spake unto Zeezrom were heard by the people round about; for the multitude was great, and he spake on this wise; now Zeezrom, seeing that thou hast been taken in thy lying and craftiness, for thou hast not lied unto humans only but thou hast lied unto God; for behold, he knows all thy thoughts, and thou seest that thy thoughts are made know unto us by his Spirit. #RandolphHarris 16 of 23
“And thou seest that we know that thy plan was a very subtle plan, as to the subtlety of the devil, for to lie and to deceive this people that thou mightest set them against us, to revile us and to cast us out—now this was a plan of thine adversary, and he hah exercised his power in thee. Now I would that ye should remember that what I say unto thee I say unto all. And behold I say unto you all that this was a snare of the adversary, which he has laid to catch this people, that he might bring you into subjection unto him, that he might chain you down to everlasting destruction, according to the power of his captivity. Now when Alma had spoken these words, Zeezrom began to tremble more exceedingly, for he was convinced more and more of the power of God; and he was also convinced that Alma and Amulek had a knowledge of him, for he was convinced that they knew the thoughts and intents of his heart; for power was given unto them that they might know of these things according to the spirit of prophecy. And Zeezrom began to inquire of them diligently, that he might know more concerning the kingdom of God. And he said unto Alma: What does this mean which Amulek hath spoken concerning he resurrection of the dead, that all shall rise from the dead, both the just and the unjust, and are brought to stand before God to be judged according to their works? #RandolphHarris 17 of 23
“And now Alma began to expound these things unto him, saying: It is given unto many to know the mysteries of God; nevertheless they are laid under a strict command that they shall not important only according to the proportion of his word which he doth grant unto the children of humans, according to the heed and diligence which they give unto him. And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same recieveth the lesser portion of the word; and one that will not harden one’s heart, to one is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto one to know the mysteries of God until one know them in full. And they that will harden their hearts, to them is given the lesser portion of the word until they know nothing concerning his mysteries; and then they are taken captive by the devil, and led by his will down to destruction. Now this is what is meant by the chains of hell. And Amulek hath spoken plainly concerning death, and being raised from this morality to a state of immorality, and being brought before the bar of God, to be judged according to our works. Then if our hearts have been hardened our hearts against the word, insomuch that it has not been found in us, then will our state be awful, for then we shall be condemned. #RandolphHarris 18 of 23
“For our words will condemn us, yea, all our words will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide from his presence. However, this cannot be; we must come forth and stand before him in his glory, and in his power, and in his might, majesty, and dominion, and acknowledge to our everlasting shame that all his judgements are just; that he is just in all his works, and that he is merciful unto the children of humans, and that he has all power to save every human that believeth on his name and bringeth forth fruit meet for repentance. And now behold, I say unto you then cometh a death, even a second death, which is a spiritual death; then is a time that whosoever dieth in his sins, as to a temporal death, shall also die a spiritual death; yea, one shall die as to things pertaining unto righteousness. Then is the time when their torments shall be as a lake of fire and brimstone, whose flame ascendeth up forever and ever; and then is the time that they shall be chained down to an everlasting destruction, according to the power and captivity of Satan, he having subjected them according to his will. #RandolphHarris 19 of 23
“Then, I say unto you, they shall be as though there had been no redemption made; for they cannot be redeemed according to God’s justice; and they cannot die, seeing there is no more corruption. Now it came to pass that when Alma had made an end of speaking these words, the people began to be more astonished. However, there was one Antionah, who was a chief ruler among them, came forth and said unto him: What is this that thou hast said, that humans should rise from the dead and be changed from this mortal to an immortal state, that the soul can never die? What does the scripture mean, which saith that God placed cherubim and a flaming sword on the east of the garden of Eden, lest our first parents should enter and partake of the fruit of the tree of life, and live forever? And thus we see that there was no possible chance that they should live forever. Now Alma said unto him: This is the thing which I was about to explain. Now we see that Adam did fall by the partaking of the forbidden fruit, according to the word of God; and thus we see, that by his fall, all humankind became a lost and fallen people. And now behold, I say unto you that if it had been possible for Adam to have partaken of the fruit of the tree of life at that time there would have been no death, and the word would have been void, marking God a liar, for he said: If thou eat thou shalt surely die. #RandolphHarris 20 of 23
“And we see that death comes upon humankind, yes, the death which has been spoken of by Amulek, which is the temporal death; nevertheless there was a space granted unto humans in which he might repent therefore this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God; a time to prepare for that endless state which has been spoken of by us, which is after the resurrection of the dead. Now, if it had not been for the plan of redemption, which was laid from the foundation of the World, there could have been no resurrection of the dead; but there was a plan of redemption laid, which shall bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, of which has been spoken. And now behold, if it were possible that our first parents could have gone forth and partaken of the tree of life they would have been forever miserable, having no preparatory state; and thus the plan of redemption would have been frustrated, and the word of God would have been void, taking none effect. However, behold, it was not so; but it was appointed unto humans that they must die; and after death, they must die; and after death, they must come to judgment, even that same judgment of which we have spoken, which is the end. And after God had appointed that these things should come unto humans, behold, then he saw that it was expedient that humans should know concerning the things whereof he had appointed unto them; therefore he sent angels to converse with them, who caused humans o behold of his glory. #RandolphHarris 21 of 23
“And they began from that time forth to call on his name; therefore God conversed with humans, and made known unto them the plan of redemption, which had been prepared from the foundation of the World; and this he made known unto the according to their faith and repentance and their holy works. Wherefore, he gave commandments unto men, they having firs transgressed the first commandments as to the things which were temporal, and becoming as gods, knowing good from evil, placing themselves in a state to ac, or being placed in a state to act according to their wills and pleasures, whether to do evil or to do good—therefore God gave unto them commandments, after having made known unto them the plan of redemption, that they should not do evil, the penalty thereof being a second death, which was an everlasting death as to things pertaining unto righteousness; for on such the plan of redemption could have no power, for the words of justice could no be destroyed, according to the supreme goodness of God. However, God did call on humans, in the name of his Son, (this being the plan of redemption which was laid) saying: If ye will repent, and harden not your hearts, then I will have mercy upon you, through mine Only Begotten Son. #RandolphHarris 22 of 23
“Therefore, whosoever repenteth, and hardeneth not one’s heart, one shall have claim on mercy through mine Only Begotten Son, unto a remission of his sins and these shall enter into my rest. An now, my brethren, behold I say unto you, that if ye will harden your hearts ye shall not enter into the rest of the Lord; therefore your iniquity provoketh him he sendeth down his wrath upon you as in the first provocation, yea, according to his word in the last provocation as well as the first, to the everlasting destruction of your souls; therefore, according to his word, unto the last death, as well as the firs. And now, my brethren, seeing we know these things, and they are true, let us repent, and harden not our hearts, that we provoke not the Lord our God to pull down his wrath upon us in these his second commandments which he has given unto us; but let us enter into the rest of God, which is prepared according to his word,” reports Alma 12.1-37. O God, Almighty Father, bless and sanctify this sacrifice that you offered to the honor and the glory of thy name; and pardon the sins of Thy people, and give ear to my prayer, Lord, and forgive me all my sins. Through Christ our Lord. #RandolphHarris 23 of 23
This rare view from Mrs. Winchester’s Gardens shows the estate sometime before the 1906 earthquake – notice the seven-story tower, and the lack of a door-to-nowhere. Why do you think Sarah added the door-to-nowhere?
Open today from 10AM-4PM, and again from 8PM-11PM!
Winchester Mystery House
A 160-room mansion built to appease the spirits who died at the hands of the Winchester Rifle 👻
🗝
winchestermysteryhouse.com/recent-links
38 years of constant construction, and a whole lot of oddities. • 24,000 square feet
• 10,000 windows
• 2,000 doors
• 160 rooms
• 52 skylights
• 47 stairways and fireplaces
• 17 chimneys
• 13 bathrooms
• 6 kitchens
Want to own your own copy of the Winchester mansion?
BRIGHTON STATION AT CRESLEIGH RANCH
Rancho Cordova, CA |
Now Selling!
Residence Three at Brighton Station boasts 2,757 square feet in this expansive two story home. There are four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, and a three car garage!
The kitchen comes fully equipped with a large eat-in island, stainless steel appliances, quartz counters, and large walk in pantry. The openness in the design allows the Great Room and kitchen to interact with each other seamlessly. This home comes with an en suite bedroom on the first floor making it ideal for guests, or multi-generational living.
Best of all, each Cresleigh home comes fully equipped with an All Ready connected home! This smart home package comes included with your home and features great tools including: video door bell and digital deadbolt for the front door, connect home hub so you can set scenes and routines to make life just a little easier. Two smart switches and USB outlets are also included, plus we’ll gift you a Google Home Hub and Google Mini to help connect everything together! https://cresleigh.com/brighton-station/residence-3/