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Walk after the Holy Order of God
The powerless are frequently canny observers of the workings of society and active agents of resistance. Ongoing subordination is the product of other people’s continuous efforts to dominate, and even the powerless participate in this matrix of domination when they work to protect their privilege, meager as it may be. The development of methods for studying groups has been helped as well as hindered by the peculiar position of the group in human thought. Typically, the motivation for studying groups has been to do something about them, and the methods proposed combine analysis and action. Only when work is further developed can analysis and action be separated. Sociometry, one of the earliest examples of a method designed for the study of groups, was invented by a Dr. Jacob L. Moreno (1889-1974) as an adjunct to psychiatry. Sociometry means the socius—the interpersonal connection between two people. Using the organization of institutionalized groups as a therapeutic device is a method of Sociometry. Sociometry consists of asking individuals about their associative preferences in taking specific actions, such as playing football, making masks, or rooming with others in a house. Examining choice rationales presents other challenges. People tend to be uncomfortable with the process because, for example, they believe that feelings may be hurt or they are confused by their own ambivalences and lack of awareness of their reasons. #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
The purpose is to organize groups by asking people why they make the decisions they make and what things the like and dislike in an effort to put people in groups that they can relate to. Unlike psychology, sociometry does not ask questions and then assume they know the answers, there is an emphasis placed on correctness. However, in some cases, even with a variety of criteria, the results can become so complex that the data is never used. Some people look at participation in experiments as playing a game. The experiment is an activity that is free, separate, uncertain, governed by rules, unproductive, and make-believe; these are the characteristics of games, and such experiments are called analyses of games. The task of the experimenter is, therefore, to have people play a game in which certain generalizable relationships are exhibited. The experimental group does not need to resemble any group functioning in society. The extreme conditions may never be as clear-cut in actual life; what is wanted is the understanding of the effect of particular variables, not a simulation of social conditions. The action is a new creation, invented particularly for the purpose of study. For this reason, however, it represents the general attributes of groups, those aspects that all groups—regardless of their origins—have in common. My soul will always know the power of God’s healing love. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
God’s greatest desire is for us to see a clear picture of his character. When we see God, we will see him clearly, and find that his love is irresistible. As we begin to experience God’s love, our own lives will start to make more sense. Frequently I think of the church I belonged as a child. It is Elmhurst Seventh-Day Adventist Church, located on 9658 Thermal Street in Oakland, California 94605. The Pastor is Kietrich Germany, Head Elder is Alvin Moses, and the Head Deacon is Arthur Nervis. We used to always go to church early in the morning on Saturday, and it was a tall beautiful white castle, the former Mormon church. Inside there was a lot of beautiful mahogany wood, and these huge stained-glass windows that when the Sun would beam through, the would be cascades of gorgeous colorful rays of green, yellow, read, and blue light that used to make me feel warm and smile. Every time I think of the church we used to belong to and the pledge we made to give our lives over to God, I remember it was God’s sanctuary. And contemplating about it makes me want to devote myself with even greater dedication to the beliefs we share and the community. Sometimes God’s voice speaks through stories, and they teach us how to handle the troubles we face. Others fill us with hope, love, and peace. Each of them is like a personal letter from God to us. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
My soul longs for the fullness of life, which God will reveal. The family is one of the oldest and most persistent forms of human association. Among its most intriguing characteristics are its biological necessity, the permanent affiliation of its members, it history through the members’ lives, and the strong bonds, beneficial and negative, that hold members together. The main characteristic of the family is the extension of the individual through time. This characteristic links the individual with one’s ancestors and descendants, providing continuity, and transmits the biological as well as social and cultural traits. The family has been a favorite metaphor for group formations and even larger human associations. Thus, within organizations, we see some groups characterized as families or even as siblings or cousin relationships; and even in more abstract relations we find phrases like job families, or colonies referred to as daughters of the mother homeland. Dr. Freud stressed the importance of the family. He used the term family romance as the basic story that humans let play out over and over: the relationship to the mother and then to the father are the basic conditions of human socialization, as well as of its failures. All human associations are models of the family, and develop historically from it. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
Now, we must understand that the word of God is liberal unto all, and no one has been deprived of the privilege of assembling themselves together to hear the word of God. God loves us and wants to give us all the highest quality of life imaginable. God does not want anything to get in the way of our relationship with him, and we were designed with special talents and skills that have helped us become the uniquely valuable beings that we are. We have built sanctuaries, and we do assemble ourselves together to worship God. We do believe that God will save all people. Nevertheless, the children of God have been commanded that they should gather themselves together, and have mighty prayers on behalf of the welfare of the souls of those who do not know God. God’s love is about you. God has a very special plan for your life. It is a plan with hope, love, peace, and activity that will result in priceless salvation freely and fully without limit. You are all the children of a king. I pray that we all experience eternal life, peace, purpose, forgiveness, transforming grace, an increase in faith and unconditional love. Life is so wonderful that we all want to hang on to it. As we build our faith in God and grow older, we see how much more valuable life is. We know that God’s tender compassion is with us, and we trust God’s promise of eternal life. This is the holy order according to the revelation of the truth. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
How Come He got the Holy Ghost and Not Me?
There are three ways for language to affect us. It can move us toward what is good; it can move us toward what is evil; or it can, in hypothetical third place, fail to move us at all. What a dream has told us of our relations to the present (reality) we will then seek also in our consciousness, and we must not be surprised if we discover that the monster we saw under the magnifying-glass of the analysis is a tiny little infusorian. For all practical purposes in judging human character, a person’s actions and conscious expressions of thought are in most cases sufficient. Actions, above all, deserve to be placed in the front rank; for many impulses which penetrate into consciousness are neutralized by real forces in the psychic life before they find issue in actions; indeed, the reason why they frequently do not encounter any psychic obstacle on their path is because the unconscious is certain of their meeting with resistances later. In any case, it is highly instructive to learn something of the intensively tilled soil from which our virtues proudly emerge. For the complexity of human character, dynamically moved in all directions, very rarely accommodates itself to the arbitrament of a simple alternative, as out antiquated more philosophy would have it. #RandolphHarris 1 of 10
And what of the value of dreams in regard to our knowledge of the future? That, of course, is quite out of the question. One would like to substitute the words: “in regard to our knowledge of the past.” For in every sense a dream has its origin in the past. The ancient belief that dreams reveal the future is not indeed entirely devoid of truth. By representing a wish as fulfilled the dream certainly leads us into the future; but this future, which the dreamer accepts as his or her present, has been shaped in the likeness of the past by the indestructible wish. Awaken our souls! No longer droop in sin. May our hearts rejoice an give place no more for the enemy of our souls. May the gates of Hell be shut continually before us, because our hearts are broken and spirits contrite! God, do not shut the gates of your righteousness before us, that we may walk in the path of the low valley, that we may be strict in the plain road! God, please encircle us around in the robe of your righteousness! Lord will you make a way for us to escape from our enemies. Will you make our path straight before us! God, please will you not place a stumbling block in our way—but will you clear a way before us, and hedge not up our way, but the ways of our enemies. #RandolpHarris 2 of 10
It was not just a scare tactic employed by our church. I wanted God to show himself to me, so I had no choice, but to get worthy and become a person God paid attention to, before it was too late. I wanted God to be my best friend, so I made it my goal to mention him every day and thank him and tell him what I desire. It is important that we maintain a deep, personal faith. God loves us and he protects us. This makes us want to be good to others. It is generally accepted that all life on Earth has been created by God exactly as it exists in the present, and the belief that life forms cannot change is known as fixity of species. The plan of the entire Universe is viewed as God’s design. The argument from design explains that anatomical structures were planned to meet the purpose for which they were required. Wings, arms, eyes, and so on, fit the functions they perform, and nature was a deliberate plan of the Grand Designer. Also, many people believe that the Grand designer had completed his work fairly recently. An Irish archbishop called James Ussher (1581-1656) analyzed the begat chapter of the Book of Genesis in the Holy Bible and determined that the Earth was created in 4004 B.C. #RandolphHarris 3 of 10
Behold, my soul delights in the things of the Lord; and my heart ponders continually upon the thing which I have seen and heard. Archbishop Ussher was not the first person to suggest a recent origin of Earth, but he was the first to propose a precise date for it. And this date was so important to people, that for decades, book printers put in it Bibles, in the margin next to the Genesis account of the creation. This idea that we have been exposed to has impacted our lives in the most profound way possible. The prevailing notion of Earth’s brief existence, together with the fixity of species, provided a huge obstacle to the development of evolutionary theory because evolution requires time, and the idea of immense geological time, which today we take for granted, simply did not exist. Lord, we have trusted in you forever. We will not put our trust in humans as our saviors; for we know that cursed is one who puts their trust in the human as an idol. Yeah, cursed is one that puts their trust in humanity or the strength of human beings. Yeah, we know that God will give liberally to one who asks. Yeah, our God will give us, if we ask not amiss; therefore, we will lift up our voice unto God, as he is the rock of our righteousness. #RandolphHarris 4 of 10
Behold, our voices shall forever ascend up unto God, our rock and our everlasting God. Truth is the stubborn, objective restraint which evil endures to overcome. Base rhetoric is therefore always trying to keep its objects from the support which personal courage, noble associations, and divine philosophy provides individuals. Naturally enough, examples of the typical base rhetorician are the journalist and political propagandist, who especially avoid true dialectic and the concept of acts without agents; indeed, these features now also apply more closely to the so-called mental-health professional than to anyone else. Contrivance [that is, of base rhetoric] occur on every hand in the impassioned language of journalism and political pleading. In the World of affairs which these seek to influence, the many are kept in a state of pupillage so that they will be most docile. Nothing is more feared than a true dialectic. By discussing only one side of an issue, by mentioning cause without consequence or consequence without cause, act without agents or agents without agency, the cause-and-effect reasoning is blocked. #RandolphHarris 5 of 10
Small groups, as a feature of the social environment, is a convenient place to study many social phenomena; they are laboratories of social life, literally so in the experimental work of social psychology. This, each group represents a reality of social life, in addition to exemplifying more abstract principles of group dynamics. As the base rhetorician uses language to increase his or her own power, to produce convert to his or her own cause, and to create loyal followers of his or her own person—in contrast, the noble rhetorician uses language to wean people away from their inclination to depend readily accept anything they hear without proof, facts, and comprehensive consideration. We also encourage people to think and speak clearly so that they can be their own masters. The rhetoric at its trustiest sense [that is, noble rhetoric] seeks to perfect people by showing them better versions of themselves, links in that chain extending up toward the ideal, which only the intellect can apprehend and only the soul have affection for. This is the justified affection of which no one can be ashamed, and one who feels no influence of it is truly outside the consciousness of the Lord. If we know what happens to one particle, we can predict better what will happen to the other. This can be just as true in the description of a physical object as of a social unit. #RandolphHarris 6 of 10
It is possible to save time by turning people it the sources of spiritual power in their cultural heritage. We can define member of a social group in a similar way, for instance, by saying that is one member’s opinion is changed, this will affect the opinions of the other members of the group. This, of course, is just as true of different parts of the individual, for instance, of various organ systems, or of larger units of a society, of social classes, or of ethnic groups. The unity of groups is just as real as the unity of any other object we may specify. An individual cannot help his or her age; one can only express that it is doomed. And this is the only way in which one can bring help to it. The science of psychoanalysis has not yet acknowledged that human beings come in two genders. However, there is also an ungendered species of humans who do not accept the way they are born and are brained washed into thinking they are something other than what is described by their natural biology. All that is true and noble lies concealed in the origin. As nature is the origin of human life, so language is the origin of human creativity. #RandolphHarris 7 of 10
The base rhetorician seeks to move people toward evil; since it seems to be the nature of people that he or she wants to go to Hell as quickly as possible, it is not surprising the effective base rhetoricians can greatly accelerate this process for millions, and tens or even hundreds of millions of persons. After all, many individuals try to drive people into slavery, as if they are nothing more than human capital. And it makes sense, people who harvest organs value a healthy human being at about $1 million because that is how much they can get by illegally harvesting and selling organs. African American young men, for some reason, are especially vulnerable to these practices. We must urge people to be better than they are, the noble rhetorician cannot possibly succeed in changing those who prefer to remain as they are or become evil. Indeed, because our task is to bring people to themselves, not to us. Therefore, we should be judged on our clarity which we proclaim our counsel. Should not a single person heed our advice, the noble rhetorician will still have to be judged successful in proportion as we succeed in perfecting our own soul by perfecting our own language and behavior. #RandolphHarris 8 of 10
Success is purifying one’s self by purifying one’s own language. Did you know people who drink a lot of alcoholic beverages can develop gout in both legs and will eventually be confined to a wheel chair? It is fruitful to look at the small group as an extension of an individual in space or time. After all, the individual could not exist without the tradition of human culture as it has been developed, or without any other fellow human beings to keep one in the human condition. Many traits that makes us human are only developed and take on meaning from association with others, and from their meaning beyond individual lives. Examples of this would be the capacity for language and for nonverbal communication, the agility necessary for tool use, which depends on cooperation, and the capacity of the young to learn the culture of their society. The young, especially, by being born unprotected and needing a social group for a long time, assure human continuity. A child learns that obtaining real satisfaction is possible only through the medium of another person, and thus the circle between perception of a need, such as hunger and its gratification includes signaling and influencing another person who can supply nourishment. Dr. Freud constructed an early model of this interpersonal relationship as a basic part of the individual self. #RandolphHarris 9 of 10
These scriptures, which you had not with you, the Heavenly Father commanded that we should share them with you; for it is wisdom in one that they should be shared for generations. In many other ways, the development of a complete human being is emotionally as we as instrumentally incomplete without direct interaction with others. Social atom is distinct from physical atoms. Groups can be studied according to their common features as types of social atoms. One can also classify groups into different types according to their function in the social World, and according to some characteristics, such as their existence in time and space, the relationship between the members and between groups, or by abstract characteristics. And God did expound all things, even from the beginning until the time that he should come in his glory—yeah, that all people, and all kindreds, and all nations and all languages shall stand before God, to be judged of their works, whether they be good or whether they be evil—if they be good to the resurrection of everlasting life; and if they be evil, to the resurrection of damnation. May we all be found to be good. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 10 of 10
A Performance Expectation–Live a Great Story!
Fifteen minutes a day, for one year adds up to over ninety-one hours. Lord, it is good for us to be here. It is good for all of us to have been here. We pray that the same sweet spirit which has prevailed will continue with us, and that our record of prowess and skill are forever safe, as the group is task-oriented, patient, caring, thoughtful, and good at listening. In the interior of our consciousness, each of us has a private hall of fame reserved exclusively for the real leaders who have influenced the direction of our lives. This means that the members envision future events or states of the World that their present activities may help bring about or prevent, and they define some possible future events or states of the World as success and others as failure. We need not assume they know exactly what constitutes success, merely that they assume that when the time arrives they will know whether they have succeeded or not and that their present activities are related to the future outcome. The leader whom we admit into this private sanctuary of our reflective experience is usually those who set our hearts afire with devotion to the truth, who makes obedience to duty seem the essence of humanity, who transforms some ordinary routine occurrence so that it becomes extra ordinary and we see the person we aspire to be. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
The group task is at least partially intrasystemic. This means that the standards for evaluating success or failure are developed within the group rather than being imposed from the outside. An ambiguous task (for example, writing a story to accompany a picture) is one case of an intrasystemic task, but even tasks for which there are clear objective standards may be intrasystemic, if the group is able to redefine the meaning of a particular outcome or the importance of the task (“he has a bad day,” “we really care about that after all”). The crucial point is that the rules for evaluating a task outcome are developed by the same persons who are part of the power and prestige structure. Adam, the first man to live upon the Earth is worthy of being in our personal Hall of Fame. Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord. Adam qualifies. We want to be right for God. It is important to be virtuous and there are terrifying consequences for the alternative. It helps if we have a big imagination and can see further than the present moment, which means we have to have a clear sense of the consequences of our actions, even when we think no one is watching. The Church always preaches about God is coming, and what if you are in sin at the exact moment he arrives? That is a horrifying thought. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
The group members are collectively oriented. This has two components: one, that the group members are interdependent, that is, they need to take into account other member’s acts; and two, that it is legitimate to seek and give advice, to be influenced by or attempt to influence others. The term collective orientation as used here does not precisely mean cooperative orientation (all goals shared so that something that rewards one group member rewards all). People could have a collective orientation in some cases of competition; in fact, there are competitive elements in face-to-face groups, especially the competition for time and attention imposed by the necessity to limit talking to one person at a time. Because of time constraints and the unknown time when God will return to Earth, many people do not want the moment of sin and the moment of reckoning to be the same. What if the Rapture comes and you are left behind? The Lord has commanded us to live by his convents, and he shall prepare a way for us that we may accomplish them. Negative reactions often lead to disagreements, but not always, for groups sometimes try to avoid having to resolve conflict and simply ignore or redefine the issue. Influence is defined as the direction of the resolution of a disagreement; the person whose idea is accepted is said to have influenced the one who accepts it. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
People with the greatest desire to succeed will stand a greater chance of reaching his or her goal. The term influence is not synonymous with control; a person whose performance output is accepted without challenge has obviously exercised control over the group, but since there was no disagreement, influence has not occurred. In determined people, we can see the difference between knowing and doing. Those who really desire to reach their goals will do whatever they must do in order to achieve them. Let us not just talk about what we want to be. Let us not just dream about what we want to be. Take action to reach your goals, you may have to work harder than you ever have worked before in your entire life. God wants us to tell him, with all honesty, that we have worked harder than anyone else we know. That we have tried as hard as we can to live right, do good, and succeed. This desire should be enough to help us to improve a little or greatly. God sees everything, so we cannot lie to him. He knows what we are doing at all times. In whatever we want to improve upon, whether if it is a project at work, school work, or studying the scriptures, just give it a little extra time—every day. Even if it is just an extra fifteen minutes. Remember how well-spent time can add up. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
A performance expectation is a prediction about the quality of a performance output of a group member. Do not quit. We are all going to have hardships and setbacks. However, our Heavenly Father will not give us a hardship that we cannot overcome. An individual may hold a performance output of a group member. An individual may hold a performance expectation for his or her own behavior (a self-expectation) and/or the behavior of another (other-expectation). The value of an expectation is defined as high (prediction that the performance output will move the group toward success on its goal) or low (prediction that the act will move the group toward failure on its goal). As children of our Father in Heaven, we can have setbacks of sin. However, we must never quit or give up faith. Heavenly Father has provided a way to overcome spiritual setbacks through the great gift of repentance. God truly loves us and wants to forgive us. All we have to do is to go through the process of repentance, and we will triumph over our transgressions. It is important for us to set our goals very high, for if we do this, our intermediate goals will be easier to reach. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Let us not settle for mediocrity. We should always try our best. The concept of expectations is basic in sociology, and its use as a fundamental building block of theory marks expectation states as distinctively sociological. Let us decide now what type of person we want to be, and when a difficult situation comes along we will be prepared to pass the test. Performance expectations are predictions of quality only, rather than including predictions about for or content of behavior. We must keep a proper perspective on our goals. Let us never lose sight of God and his words of wisdom in pursuing our temporal ambitions. We have signs enough that there is a God. There are testimonies from men and women of the church, and also all the holy prophets. There are the scriptures laid before us, and all things denote there is a God, right? Even the Earth, and all the things that upon the face of it, right? And the motions, yeah, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator. People know in their hearts that there is a God and they will testify that God exists. Dear God in Heaven, please bring your Kingdom to Earth and help heal our unobservable mental and physical states, and bless our dreams and goals so that they may come true. Thank you. The National Anthem is a song sung to God, and it is thought that his presence is near when it is sang. Therefore, to sit or kneel in the presence of God, without being told by a figure of authority, shows extreme disrespect for the Lord. After all, this is God’s House. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
It is a Wonderful Life
It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and reality of tomorrow. In many ways, culture has enabled us to transcend many of the limitations imposed on us by our biology. However, that biology was shaped during millions of years of evolution in environments very different from those in which most of us live today. Whether we will become a different species or become extinct as a species (remember, that is the fate of almost every species that has ever lived on Earth) is not something that we can predict. However, as long as new pathogens appear or new environments are introduced by technology, there is little doubt that the human species will continue to evolve, just as almost every other species on Earth has done. Culture has enabled us to transcend many limits imposed by our biology, and people who never would have been able to do so in the past are today surviving and having children. This in itself means that we are evolving. How many of you would be reading this if you had been born under the health and economic conditions prevalent 500 years ago? #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
Imagine if is we lived in a future society driven by eugenics where potential children are conceived through genetic manipulation to ensure the best hereditary traits of their parents. And people conceived outside of the eugenics program struggles to overcome genetic discrimination. Everyone is monitored through a genetic registry database, which uses biometrics to classify people who were genetically engineered as valids, and those who were conceived by traditional means and more susceptible to genetic disorders as in-valids. Although genetic discrimination is illegal, it is practiced in genotype profiling used to identify and segregated valids, and intermingling with in-valids is basically illegal and because of that they are limited to the types of jobs they can perform. This is the plot from Gattaca, an American Science fiction film that came out in 1997. It was written and directed by Andrew Niccol and it stars Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, and Jude Law. The film was very interesting because it deals with some themes we could face in the future with skyrocketing health costs, population growth, and economics. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
Perhaps, people will choose to have genetically engineered babies to guarantee their health and success? Are we building lives of honesty and integrity? Are we following the counsel of our prophets, past and present? Are we covenant keepers? Do we hold our family home evenings and study the scriptures, trying to live the precepts we gain from them? Do we obey the Word of Wisdom? Are we good neighbors and loyal friends? Can we honestly say that we not only repent of our mistake, but learn from them? If we are not comfortable with the answers to these kinds of questions, we need to begin right now to build a more exemplary life so that those dearest to us will see of our good works, and glorify our Father which is in Heaven. We must confess that whenever our lives have failed to measure up to the standards of our forebears, it is because we have allowed Worldly priorities to take precedence over our spiritual ones. However, it is possible to redirect our goals and to put our sights on eternal values. Groups develop shared beliefs about who occupies what place in the structure, and the maintenance of the structure of inequality can become one of the groups goals. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
Other things being equal, an individual’s position in a power and prestige structure is a function of his or her performance in relation to valued behavior standards of the group; the more likely other group members think it is that the individual’s position in the power and prestige structure. In this sense, we should say that the religious value with reference to the outer World manifests itself through the belief in the creation, with reference to the fellow-World through the belief in the revelation, and with reference to the inner World through the belief in the salvation. In this sense—the immediate values of life are to be coordinated with the true, the beautiful, and the good. The World is penetrated by the belief in God. The intensity and vividness and depth of the religious consciousness must decide how far religion succeeds in reaching the pure value of a perfect harmony of our values. The certainty of truth, or the perfection of beauty, or the dignity of morality must be each in itself complete—no value has to wait for sanction by a belief in God. The power of truth cannot arise from the fact that it harmonizes with beauty or morality. However, the harmony of the World attains its ultimate completion. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
Friendliness, warmth, pleasantness, likability, intelligence, activity, and maturity are attributes more relevant to describe rational human beings. Our lives are touched for good, and we are both edified and ennobled as we savor the sweet blessings of association with dear members of the family. We must have a great spirit of cooperation. Lord, God, we come to you for protection; rescue us and save us from all who pursue us. Truth and love are your nature, and when something happens that betrays truth and love, you resist. We stand with you for truth and justice, in love. We are confident you will support us. We pray that you will right all the wrongs that take place in the World and vindicate those that are being treated unjustly. Keep us Father, from trying to take matters into our own hands, for vengeance is yours and you will replay—but Lord in your grace and mercy, we pray that you would give justice and peace to all those that have been cruelly and unfairly treated by their fellow people and may the injustice and carelessness that they have had to endure be the means to draw them into your saving arms of grace—we ask this in the name of you, God. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
May Happiness Fill Your Heart Each Day
Nothing can bring more joy to life than beautifully fulfilling relationships. Once persons actually begin to interact, whether their relationship continues to develop will depend not only on the anticipated outcomes of further interaction, but on the actual outcomes that partners begin to experience as they interact. These outcomes in turn depend on the development of stable patterns of exchange, which can be conceptualized in terms of a structure of interdependence. This interdependence can be analyzed at three levels. At the first or behavioral level, structure consists of the stable patterns, routines, or combinations of behaviors that make up the day-to-day activities of the pair. The second or normative level of structure consists of the norms and shared understanding that constitute the somewhat unique role structure of the relationship. The third or personal level consists of each partner’s personality characteristics, general attitudes, and elements of self relevant to, or embedded in, the relationship. As the relationship grows and the facets of each partner’s individuality that are created in that process of growth develop, the depth of meaning, understanding and appreciation that relationships bring is almost unfathomable. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
Communication is so important because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. One person is feeling one thing and through communication, another person can find that out and feel it too. Persons do not respond only in terms of their own outcomes, but in terms of the overall pattern of outcomes, which includes those of their partners as well. This tendency is particularly strong in relationships based on attraction. Not only are the manner in which interdependence is resolved influence the exchange of outcomes between partners, the rewards and punishments, self-imposed or received from others, are affected by norms that prescribe how persons should respond in situations involving interdependence. People seem to consider emotional interdependence as a healthy feature of romantic relationships, emphasizing the necessity of being on the same wavelength. It helps partners to coordinate their behaviors and thoughts, making them able to collectively respond to situations that demand action. Additionally, it increases mutual understanding and feeling validated by the partner, promoting social cohesion, attraction, and sympathy. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Turning emotions to one another is supposed to be related to relational well-being, and more specifically to relationship satisfaction and empathic concern. Vicariously experienced outcomes also influence the ways in which persons respond to interdependency, because as a relationship develops the affective reactions of partners become increasingly salient. Partners help to maintain each other’s emotional stability, which is known to be critical for psychological well-being. It is important to focus on and honor the strengths you gain from your relationships. There are often buried treasures waiting to be acknowledged. Healthy relationships increase your sense of belonging and purpose, boosts happiness and reduce stress, and improves self-confidence and self-worth. A good partner also encourages healthy lifestyle habits, such as eating properly and getting exercise. Also, formal check-ins could strengthen the bond between partners. Weekly meetings—one to talk about household responsibilities and another dedicated to more intimate issues—may help both partners feel more validated, respected, and comfortable. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
People resolve the conflict between their own interests and that of their partner in a characteristic manner. Thus, some persons may be basically competitive, tending where possible to maximize their own gains in relation to their partners’. Others may tend toward a cooperative resolution and choose to behave in a fashion calculated to maximize joint outcomes of the partners, and still others, altruistic, and choose to coordinate their actions with those of their partners so as to maximize the outcomes. Curiosity is a vital part of any important relationship. The more you can cultivate your curiosity about other people in your life, the more you will move toward them. Curiosity will also lead you to feel more secure with the people you are close to because you will have a pretty good sense of what they are likely to think, feel, say, or do. Each relationship develops, interpersonal dispositions emerge that are distinctive to that particular relationship. These arise in part from intraindividual processes of attribution, as each reacts to the manner in which the other chooses to behave in recurring situations of interdependence, and in part from interpersonal processes of identity negotiation. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
You have probably been appreciative of the people in your life who have been curious about who you are. That is because it feels good to have someone ask you how you are doing, and know that he or she is asking a real question; that the person is curious enough and cares enough about you to want a real answer. It is a way to give of oneself and show another a deep sense of love and caring. Persons tend to infer from particular acts the existence of underlying causes or dispositions within the individual to behave in certain ways. Thus, when a person chooses to engage in an activity that is not particularly rewarding to one, but is rewarding to one’s partner, the latter is likely to infer that the person is a considerate person who generally tends to respond to the needs of others. Uplifting traditions play a significant role in leading us toward the things of the Spirit. Those that promote love for God and unity in families and among people are especially important. We are inspired by the wisdom of each person who has molded a career which properly supports one’s premier responsibility to spiritually lead one’s family when wealthy and power are more highly valued by the World. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
On the other hand, persons perceived as acting exclusively in terms of their own outcomes are labeled inconsiderate or selfish. This tendency is attributed to an underlying disposition to the partner was particularly marked where the acts of one person had negative consequences for the perceiver. As the supernal nature of our life begins to be understood and experienced, we desire nothing temporal to impede our celestial journey. Becoming more aware of oneself in relationships could help one overcome one’s challenges with intimacy. Developing your awareness about yourself in how you connect to your friends, family, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, and others is an important part of learning from one’s success. As one becomes increasingly aware of who one is in various relationships, one may see some very consistent patterns or one may notice that one has more varied relational styles depending on the person one is thinking about. Some people may be very gentle and clam in relationships with people who need one’s support. However, when such an individual is with people who are less vulnerable, he or she may lack self-confidence and it may cause an individual to become capricious. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
Conflict and negotiation in a relationship can occur at any level and generally tend to spread from one to the other as persons attempt to work out solutions to their problems of interdependence. In general, the spread is upward. Persons finding themselves at odds at the behavioral level may attempt to resolve this appeals to norms and role expectations. If they agree that following a particular rule or role prescription is appropriate in the situation, the conflict may be resolved at that level and no further negotiation becomes necessary. If there is still lack of agreement, the conflict spread to the personal or identity level where each attempt to modify the attitudes and other dispositional characteristics of the other person in a manner that will resolve the problems of interdependence at the lower levels. Thus, the husband who tends toward dominance in relations with others, including his wife, may as a result of processes of identity negotiation begin to change at the dispositional level, allowing him to feel more comfortable in a more equalitarian portrayal of the husband roles, which is reflected at the behavioral level by his assuming more of the routine household tasks. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
It is important that we make ourselves worthy of the loveliest person in all the World. We must keep ourselves worthy through all of the days of our lives. That obligation begins with absolute loyalty. Although it is reasonable to expect conflict and negotiation to spread upward from one level of interdependence to the next, both from what is known about attribution processes and the tactics of altercasting and from the fact that solutions at higher levels often provide the basis for solving problems of interdependence at lower levels, this tendency may have deleterisity of conflict is likely to increase because modification at high levels involves rewards and costs tied to central elements of identity and because the tactics employed at these levels often involve attacks on these elements. Just as identity creation is basic to the growth of a relationship, identity destruction generally accompanies its decline. There must be absolute loyalty, undeviating loyalty one to another. May flowers always line your path and Sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that is always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
Peter My Mink is Dragging on the Floor
A stunning first impression is not the same thing as love at first sight, but surely it is an invitation to consider the matter. We are drawn to people, inspired by them, and even strengthened by their examples. If first impressions are sufficiently favorable, persons will be motivated, when they begin to interact, to provide behaviors that will result in favorable outcomes to the other, and to the degree each is successful in this respect, they become progressively motivated to provide rewards that will maintain the relationship. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. One of the most important rewards that persons exchange as a relationship develops is support for each other’s view of themselves as persons, their self-concepts. How do you and I become so converted to the truth, so full of faith, so dependent on God that we are able to meet trials and even be strengthened by them? A fundamental purpose of Earth is personal growth and attainment. We will have challenges, even difficulties, where decisions of great importance must be made so that we can grow, develop, and succeed in this mortal test. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Gratefully, God’s love is perfect. God has moved so deeply in the hearts of so many. Some people regard unconditional love is something that is real, and the most real things there is. The most consistent finding in the empirical literature on attraction is that persons are attracted to others whom they perceive as accepting them as they see themselves and who allow them to behave in a self-validating manner. Thus, in the early phases of interaction, each person begins tentatively to reveal one’s self to the other. The process of self-disclosure involves first, information about the self that each feels relatively confident about and relatively certain that the other will find acceptable. We may disclose information about our intellectual aptitude, or athletic abilities to see how we relate to others. This type of comparison helps us decide whether we are superior or inferior to others. Disclosures about abilities or talents can also make us more relatable to others. For instance, 80 percent of people find faithfulness as a top attribute they find attractive about a person. A sense of humor is important and it makes people seem more intelligent. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
For long relationships, individuals tend to prefer others who are altruistic, kind, and do good deeds. Being involved in a charity is seen as a really attractive trait. Other studies have shown the people with dogs are generally more attractive also because they have a capacity to love and care for another being over a long term. We want to make ourselves open to others, through self-disclosure, but we also want to maintain a sense of privacy. If someone knows too much about you upfront, it might impede them from going further in the relationship because they see it as too much of a risk or hassle. Later in the process of self-disclosure, persons revel more intimate details about which they are less confident, hence in greater need of social validation, and which they are less certain will be regarded favorably. Revelations at this level play an important part in the process of self-creation. As a relationship develops, each person feels sufficiently secure to try out or tentatively display new elements of identity. Such displays may take the form of revealing hitherto private hopes and fears about the self, or more indirectly, of recounting to the other past or current episodes of behavior where the person behaved in a fashion viewed as confirming some nascent element of self. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Studies of the self-disclosure process generally find that, in the early part of a relationship at least, each person tends to pace the process of disclosure by revealing to the other information about the same level of intimacy. As in any other exchange, persons feel obligated to adhere to the norm of reciprocity. To the extent that one person’s revelations at progressively more intimate levels are increasingly rewarding in terms of signifying regard and trust to the other partner, the latter feels obligated to return revelations thought to be of equal rewarding value. However, disclosures that are too intimate often highlight character, personality, or other kinds of sensitivity information, thus decreasing congeniality. People who make intimate disclosures too early in relationships are often perceived as insecure, which further decreases someone’s interest in them. One time I was walking by a fancy Italian restaurant, and two guys in their forties were on what seemed to me as their first date, and one of them was telling the other guy about how painful his recovery from cancer was. The guy he was with replied, “Oh, gees,” and picked up a bread stick and ate it. He seemed rather pensive and I got the impression that it would probably be their last date. The process of self-disclosure contributes to another basic interpersonal process, the growth of trust, which in turn further facilitates more intimate disclosure. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
While there is not complete agreement on a definition of trust, a key element appears to be a sense of certainty that the trusted person will not behave at some point in the future in a way that endangers anticipated favorable outcomes of the trusting person. When first dating, you want to make an individual feel good and talk about things that make them happy. It is like you are selling yourself in a sense. People have options and they do not want to get attached to someone who might drain them of their emotional or financial resources. Each person’s revelations of progressively more intimate details concerning one’s self, and their acceptance and confirmation by the other, give assurance that any resultant vulnerability will not be exploited, either because both partners are equally vulnerable or because each perceives the exchange of progressively more intimate details as a sign of increasingly close interpersonal ties. Generally, as the details get more intimate, that means that the emotional bond in the relationship is probably increasing. So, when the relationship seems to be getting more serious, that is a good time to tell a person sensitive information about yourself that might affect them wanting to have a long-term commitment with you, and that is only fair. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
More than likely if a person cares enough and can deal with it, then they will likely continue in the relationship because they are already emotionally and somewhat financially invested. For instance, some people have commitment issues and cannot figure out whether they want to move to another part of the country or go back to school, or even just a plan to get a cup of coffee with a friend. One might be reluctant to disclose that he or she has problems making choices, from something as small as choosing what movie to see, to something more significant like signing a lease for house. The fact that persons perceive the intimacy of disclosure as indicative of attraction allows the self-disclosure process to function as a pacing device in the development of a relationship. By the depth of disclosure to another, a person may indicate one’s degree of emotional involvement in the relationship. While our emphasis so far has been on the manner in which self-disclosure allows for maintenance and creation of self-elements, an extremely important reward, self-disclosure provides each partner with information concerning other outcomes as well. Persons learn what kinds of behaviors have reward value to each other and which behaviors are costly. This information, in turn, can be used as a guide in arriving at mutually satisfying patterns of exchange that become a part of the structure of interdependence that constitutes the relationship. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
As you get to now a person who seemed to be commitment issues, you might begin to understand that person has a lot going for one’s self, and just needed to meet someone who is trustworthy. That individual might be optimistic, loving, and a sincere individual who wants to settle down. People are capable of changing, but not until they are ready to understand how things are controlling their lives. It requires both willingness and openness to new insights and new activities before one is able to take the first step in successfully challenging relationship issues. God has given us the capacity to exercise faith, that we may find peace, joy, and purpose in life. However, to employ its power, faith must be founded on something. There is no more solid foundation than faith in the love Heavenly Father has planned. Lord, make us an instrument of your peace. Grant that we may not so much seek to be loved as to love. God, who from among all your angels, chose the Archangel Gabriel to announce the mystery of the Incarnation, mercifully grant that we who solemnly remember him on Earth may feel the benefit of his patronage in Heaven, who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
I Remember Looking through the Tears towards the Sky
You go off and leave me here with nobody home. The concept of compromising in a relationship is something that many people have to do. However, there is an emphasis placed on the instability of relationship involving persons of different choice status or popularity, the more popular person tending to leave the relationship because of the availability of more attractive alternatives or, when remaining, tending to exploit the person of lower choice status which encouraged the latter to leave. Overall, people tend to be attracted to those of similar desirability, at least in terms of physical attractiveness. Middle-class individuals of the dominant group take into consideration the satisfaction of socioemotional needs as being central to the relationship of marriage. The core features of emotional development include the ability to identify and understand one’s own feelings, accurately read and comprehend emotional states in others, manage strong emotions and their expression in a constructive manner, to regulate one’s own behavior, to develop empathy for others, and to establish and maintain relationships. Spouses needs for trust, stability, communication, intimacy, and interpersonal sharing must be met. When these needs are cared for, the marriage can become purposeful beyond its own parameters. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
Housing prices have increased on average nearly 50 percent over the last decade, so among working-class couples socioemotional needs may not be as important as they are with middle-class couples. Parents, younger generations and those living in lower-income households report higher levels of stress than American overall, especially when it comes to stress about money. As a result, people with lower-incomes may put up with more socioemotional instability because they are struggling to pay the bills, as is, and need their partner to meet their financial obligations. However, that does not mean that just because people are suffering from an economic disadvantage that they will put up with abuse. Studies also show that many low-income couples are unhappy because of the financial hardships they face, so it may not be a problem in the love department. Also, low-income people living alone have higher living costs, which can make them bloody miserable. It can be an utterly horrid lifestyle, which may seem like a punishment on the socially inept and inadequate. They cannot afford holidays, nor can they afford to live anywhere better than what some might describe as student hellhole flats, as they do not have a partner’s credit to draw upon and furnish their place to a polished enough standard. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Disabled people are the World’s largest minority and because of that they are very much misunderstood. Not all disabled people get around in a wheel chair, some have injuries that are not visible, which might be the result of an accident or illness or they may have been born that way. Individuals who have invisible disabilities face discrimination and microaggressions. Financial exploitation of adults who are elderly or disabled is an increasing problem. It is good to look out and to help those in our communities who are elderly or have disabilities. After all, it is everyone’s business to stop adult abuse, neglect, and exploitation. 16.3 percent of adults have a physical functioning difficulty. There are 77 million adults aged 18 and over with at least one basic actions difficulty or complex activity limitation. To make sense of the World around them, they build upon their individual experiences and knowledge. However, performing daily activities may be challenging for these individuals. These challenges may interfere with social well-being and cause distress. Young adults with physical limitations are less socially active and have fewer romantic relationships than their peers who do not have physical limitations. It is through hardships of life that we grow toward Godhood as our character is shaped in the crucible of affliction, as the events of life take place whole God respects the agency of humanity. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
The physical impairments may limit the ability to participate in actives with others. And also, because young adults with physical disabilities are already suffering from problems, they often spend every day thinking about how will condition affect them as they age, and will their situations become too much for them to handle when they are senior citizens because they may not be as strong as they are not. Because of that, some people may feel frustrated, angry, or sad as a result of having a physical impairment, especially if they believe those impairments pose challenges to finding a significant other or living independently. Also, a person may not like the place they live, but because of their conditions, unlike most everyone else, they cannot go pick up more hours at work and earn more money to upgrade their lifestyle. And because these people are vulnerable and they may be good at certain things, unscrupulous individuals may use them for their talents, promising rewards, but give nothing in return. However, when the person with the physical limitation stops assisting the individual(s), they may then try to extort that person in order to keep receiving their services for free. People with disabilities do look for opportunities, but are sometimes taken advantage of. The journey through life has had bumps, detours, twists, and turns, mostly as the result of life in a fallen World that is mean to be a place of proving and test. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
It is important to keep the commandments of God. With love and prayers with can help others learn the compassion and grace of God. Because they suffer from a disability and experience undue hardships and are sometimes are prevented from reaching their dreams, it causes some people to wonder why they are here? This is why we must teach people the love of God. When people really feel the love of God, even though they are experiencing a lot of difficulties, they will be truly happy to be alive. One young man said, “I may not understand why my life has turned out the way it has, and I have no idea where it will go, but serving God is really the best thing ever. There is nothing as wonderful as this. I am so happy. What a joy and marvelous light I behold; my soul is filled with joy as exceeding as is my pain.” As we accept our difficulties and trials with patience and faith and find joy in our covenant path, we are comforted in knowing the Lord knows us. He knows our struggles and concerns. God knows of our desires to serve him with devotion and ambition. And he will guide us and bless us as we do so. Please never feel that you are some kind of second class citizen no matter your limitations. In the Kingdom of God there are no second-class citizens. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
People who have integrity of heart are people to be trusted—because trust is built on integrity. Earning the Lord’s trust is a blessing that comes through great effort on our part. Trust is a blessing based on obedience to God’s laws. When we keep our promises to the Lord, his trust grows. The rewarding internal state of enhanced self-esteem and the reward of approval from others are also involved in generating attraction in still another way. To gain and maintain the status of normality, persons are expected by others and themselves to have friends and intimate relationships. Regardless of the features of the relationship or characteristics of the persons involved, the fact of having a relationship, such as marriage, validates one’s personal adequacy, heterosexual normality, and personal maturity in the eyes of others as well as of oneself. Although recent trends toward greater acceptance of the single state for adults in our society may indicate a relaxation of normative pressures in this direction, they still exist. Whatever your circumstances or the reasons for them, how wonderful you are. Along the way, you will obtain compensatory blessings, even if they are not immediately apparent. However, we are reminded that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
Hold out the best hope for the World, including for your future happiness. Self-supplied rewards are not only involved in conformity processes influencing behavior in the early stage of a relationship, they are implicated in other ways as well. Contemporary social learning theory recognizes that persons can, through their control over their own cognitive processes, administer rewards and punishments by imagining certain consequences of their behavior. It is probable that persons contribute to early growth of a relationship by imagining future rewards and by recounting and, in a sense, replaying their imagination early pleasurable contacts with their partners. The considerable preoccupation of each partner with the other during the early stages of the courtship relationship probably involves a good bit of this self-rewarding activity. Although you often feel alone, in truth you are never totally on your own. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
As you move forward in patience and in faith, providence will move with you; Heaven will bestow its needful blessings. Your perspective and view of life will change when, rather than being cast down, you look up. Feel the sense of greater acceptance of yourself and life, with an understanding heart, and deeper gratitude for what you have. Lord,we earnestly seek after you, we seek your kingdom, your will that Heaven may come to Earth and your presence would be known by all. We lay our plans before you, please rearrange them as you see fit, God. And lead us in everlasting way. We give you the desires of our hearts, our ambitions, and surrender them all to you. God, please anoint them for your purposes and glory. We give your our whole being, our gifts and our character, please come and sharpen our skills and transform our hearts this and every day. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
This is the Best Season for Falling in Love
While we strive for the virtue of tolerance, other commendable qualities need not be lost. Suppose you see someone you like in the supermarket, you might start off an encounter by asking them is $26 is too much to pay for eggs. The increasing emphasis on process and on a development approach to attraction has psychological and sociological approaches. Love is special because it is innocent and pure. People in a loving relationship will forever remember the hugs, cuddles, holding hands, sweet whispers, long drives, late night conversations and the romantic walks through the park. The sheer excitement of feeling love will engrave all the sweet moments in your mind forever, as you experience extreme range of emotional highs and lows that make love an epic experience. The growth of a relationship takes places in three stages: an early stage in which initial attraction is based on the stimulus characteristics of the persons, their physical characteristics, and so forth; a second stage where values consensus is explored and confirmed; and a final stage where the details of their roles within the relationship are worked out to the mutual advantage of the partners. Fortunately, for many people, they do not have issues like dear Samantha from Bewitched. You see, beautiful Samantha falls in love with the handsome New York advertising executive Darrin Stephens, and she feel like the luckiest woman in the World. Shortly after, they marry. However, Darrin later on finds out that Samantha is one of a secret society of powerful witches and warlocks and that she has magical powers. A few years go by, and Samantha and Darrin have words over if he would have married her or not knowing that she is a witch, and so they go back in the past, to begin with a precontact or preawareness stage in order to allow consideration of the factors to see if they would influence the relationship.
Things get complicated when Samantha tells Darrin she is a witch before the engagement. The awareness allows for an influence on his first impression of Samantha and the perceptual process and self-presentation disturbs Darrin when she uses her witchcraft manifest two different dinners in a fraction of a second. Although Darrin still asks Samantha to marry him, his boss Larry Tate also finds out that she is a witch and this leads to a role negotiation in the defining and evaluation of the relationship. Larry Tate wants to use Samantha to make their advertising firm the most successful in the World. So, Samantha feels like Darrin is just using her for her powers and to get a promotion to Vice President, and the discussion allowed for consideration of process to the maintenance of the relationship or its eventual dissolution. As a result, Darrin and Samantha almost do not get married. However, Darrin’s boss Larry Tate admits that he is the one who came up with the idea to use Samantha for her powers, and Darrin and Sam still get married, then they go back to the future and are happy that their love is true. No matter if she told him she was a witch or not, Darrin would have married her. Any explanation of the formation and growth of a relationship must start at some point prior to the time when the two individuals meet. Starting at a level of no contact and no awareness, there are various factors that two persons in a given populations will move at least to the stage of unilateral awareness. The crucial variables here are of two kinds. First, there is a variety of institutional structures and processes that determine the physical and temporal location of person. Social variables, such as social class, that affect residential, occupational, and leisure-time locations, along with the ecological process of differentiation and segregation that create distinctive location for types of persons and activities, influence the likelihood that persons will encounter each other.
These social and individual variables are implicated also in the development of social networks, another source of influence on the likelihood of contact between persons. When a person is linked to a particular network or web of acquaintances, one is more likely to know about and be introduced to others in that network. These variables and processes account in part for the general tendency toward homogamy in relationships because their effect generally is to increase the likelihood, frequency, and duration of contact between persons similar in social and, to some extent, personal characteristics. Structural and ecological influences are also related to attraction through their effects on propinquity. Mate selection deals with residential proximity of future spouses. Distance, as well as architectural features influence traffic patterns within and between buildings, affected acquaintanceship, and their can also be attraction among housemates. The beautiful Victorian house painted in whimsical colors, with its charming turrets, attic dormers creating cozy spaces on the third floor. The wide front porch, with pretty roses growing on a beautiful white trellis looked so stunning. And, beyond being a lovely place to linger, beautiful lush blooms in the rose garden create stunning scenery and waves of wonderful fragrance. Butterflies are numerous, birds and bees zip around the flowers. This happiness gets engrained in your mind forever. The blissful feeling of love can never be replicated because it is natural. There is a sense that your love will last forever, and you plan all of your hopes and dreams with your relationship. The beautiful memories of this once in a lifetime experience will linger in your heart and mind forever. Proximity is related in a variety of ways to attraction. Physical intimacy, like simply holding hands makes for a sweet, romantic moment. Love is pure attraction, led by mind and heart. In addition to the indirect effect of propinquity on attraction through similarity, physical closeness facilitates a number of processes that contribute to attraction. When interacting with those nearby, persons are likely to hit upon outcomes sufficiently satisfactory to discourage interaction with those at greater distance. The interactions with those physically close is much more apt to produce initially favorable outcomes for a number of reason. First, the physical and psychological costs are likely to be less in interaction. Whereas the low physical cost is obvious. Psychologically, normative expectations are such as to make interaction between persons spatially contiguous psychologically less costly than with those only slightly more distant. Also, if you are going out of your way to make contact with someone who you are attracted with, they will notice and wonder why you are contacting them when there is obviously someone closer you could have contacted instead. As you gradually learn to be more fully conscious in many aspects of your life—your breathing, your thoughts, your body—you will become increasingly good at noticing what is going on when you are engaged in interactions with others.
You will be able to observe yourself, noticing what kind of messages your mind may be giving you, or noticing how the other person responds to what you are doing or saying. By increasing your overall level of awareness through mindfulness practice, you will begin to feel much more capable of thinking and acting in new ways in difficult areas of your life, especially in your intimate relationships. Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage. Romantic relationships are important for our happiness and well-being. When building a relationship, it is important to be honest and take things slow. Tell a person you want to get to know them and wonder if they would like to join you for brunch. This way, one is establishing a foundation of appreciation and respect. Occasionally set aside time to check in with each other on changing expectations and goals. Makes sure that a person is interested in being more than friends with you before you make an intimate gesture. The goal in any relationship is to feel safe, supported, and respected. The degree that proximity encourages frequent observation and interaction, persons are able to predict each other’s behavior and avoid the cost of uncertainty and response conflict, reactions which are apt to occur in unfamiliar situations. And, frequent interactions not only increase the chances of discovering similarities as well as other rewarding characteristics of another person, but allows for the operation of social influences processes that may produce similarity. In addition, a variety of processes emerge in early interaction, that provides a certain momentum favoring a relationship already initiated over later alternatives. However, do not assume you are irresistible. You may not be someone’s type, they may already be in a relationship, or you may have to be charming and charismatic to get their affection. Nevertheless, our highest priorities in life are to love God and to love our family, community, nation and World. May our hearts be filled with sweet forgiving; may we learn tolerance and love and respect.
California’s Circle of Fear
The purpose of a career is so that leaders can shape a better World by strategically exploring, planning, and creating future paths, where their actions and choices also facilitate continuous learning and growth in the work force. The structural imperative of the job, requires values that give a wide range of psychological variables, especially intellectual flexibility. Empirical evidence is substantive that complexity of work beneficially affects the socialization and self-creation of the individual. More specifically, as jobs increase in status and prestige, they also increase the degree of autonomy, creativity, and discretion allowed in the worker. The career also tends to be more satisfying and rewarding. People in work situations that provide little opportunity for upward mobility tend to limit their aspirations, seek satisfaction in activities outside of work or alienation from work. These displaced workers will create strong peer associations in which interpersonal relations take precedence over other aspects of the job, and develop loyalties to the local unit rather than to the larger organization. The second dimension, being low in organizational power, also has negative psychological and behavioral consequences for the individual. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Individuals who are stifled at work become pettier, bossier, and more authoritarian; use subordinates for their frame of reference; and rely more on coercive than persuasive techniques of control. And the third dimension is when people are underrepresented in their career field, they find it harder to be taken seriously; are more isolated and excluded from informal peer networks, and may be oppressed. All of these dimensions represent behavioral consequences of disadvantaged position is the work force. Breaking these cycles of development is difficult because the tendency is for the individual’s competence, confidence, and power progressively to increase (or decrease); and the perceptions and expectations that others have of the individual become solidified. This model can produce a set of structural conditions that contribute to the development of self-actualizing or self-defeating people. Self-actualized people are motivated to try out new experiences. They will feel secure enough about one’s own personality—strengths, weaknesses, and uniqueness—to expand one’s horizon. In contrast, people who are self-defeating let external influences serve to frustrate, thwart, or destroy one’s own intention of interests by internalizing and letting negative forces dictate their abilities. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
The structure of opportunity brings in the workers assessment of the future, via prospects for upward mobility, as a factor in present adjustments. People relate to the present in part in terms of their expectations and prospects for the future to be stuck is a very different work experience than being up and coming. There is ample evidence on work in American society to suggest substantial dissatisfaction and alienation of workers from their jobs. In a recent department of Health, Education, and Welfare report, only 43 percent of workers who perform professional jobs (doctors, lawyers, teachers) and just 24 percent of labor workers (construction workers, retail, manufacturers) reported that they were satisfied with their jobs. The socialization consequences of work settings can reflect either processes of relatively passive compliance and adaptation to external exigencies or process of self-determination and expansion. Therefore, a critical element of career philosophy is to support internal mobility. Internal mobility is the extent to which employees move into new careers within an organization, based on their performance. It is a measure of how well some corporations encourage employees to develop and stretch themselves so that they can advance and live a productive life. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Employees who are successful keep their skills and knowledge fresh and current. They show up to work on time, are professional, have good hygiene, maintain a reputation for being optimistic and adaptable. Highly competent employees develop and sustain meaningful professional relationships, and they stay informed about current trends influencing the corporation, economy, and their specific career field. Re-socialization can take place in various institutional settings established for this purpose, such as in peer groups, church, and compensatory education programs. The specific objectives of these contexts vary from political socialization (or brainwashing) to religious conversion to various types of reeducation such as workshops and meetings. Delinquency is seen primarily as a group phenomenon and the task of rehabilitation is one of changing the shared delinquent characteristics. Participation in some of these contexts is voluntary, and in others involuntary. Most of these contexts can be characterized as involving intense small-group interaction where the socialization ratio is large, and where the interaction environment is totalistic or closed. Under these circumstances, one’s sense of reality is most effectively restructured. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
The Democratic Communist program used brainwashing as a source of reeducation. Along with the physical coercion, the lack of sleep, and various forms of psychological stress, physical and financial assault to weaken their target’s hold on past beliefs and identities. It was a process of identity casting used in the situation. From the beginning, it was made clear that the target’s life and rights did not matter, and that they must perish, and in one’s place must arise a new person, resurrected in the Communist mold. Often times that meant an individual was killed and their identity was given to a different person. The original person’s major status identifications, such as doctor, priest, teacher, as well as the individual’s name, were undermined and replaced by the identity of criminal. Perhaps the most significant assaults upon the now prisoner’s identity occurred during the process of confession. Confession, which was the major technique employed by the captors to involve the prisoner in the process of one’s own reform, required thorough and compelling self-examination of every action, attitude, and thought, and always from the people’s perspective. A series of denunciations of friends and associates was required as an essential part of the confession. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
Making these denunciations not only generated feelings of guilt and shame in the prisoner, but it subverted the structure of one’s own life. Even when the prisoner was aware that one’s confession was wild and one’s denunciations invalid, one usually began to behave as if one were a criminal. If the prisoner would not, then the opposition forces would have someone impersonate the individual to act out the behavior the oppressors wanted to convince the public that the prisoner’s refashioned identity was emerging. This may be considered the rebirth. In this case, the boy’s initial situation was purposely amorphous: The prisoner is left on one’s own to figure out why authorities are doing what they are doing and what they must do to get out of trouble. The new conscript soon discovered that the only avenue for release was through participation in the delinquent peer group, which was the primary source of pressure for change. The main interactions took place in daily group discussion session. In these group sessions, the essential ingredients of identity assault included confession of past transgressions through a minute re-examination of the past, including one’s former identities, with the assistant of a reform vocabulary and the constant pressure of the peer group. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
Usually these targets are easy to break because they are alienated from their past identity, unhappy with themselves or their lives, lack a strong sense of self and identity, and carry a burden of guilt. The main task for the group is to channel this discontent into the creation of the new self. Initially, the major technique used to make the prisoner receptive to change was fear. It was simply fear of physical punishment and harassment. However, as the effects of confession, self-betrayal, and group attack began to take hold, it became a fear of psychological annihilation (hitting rock bottom psychologically). There is also another strategy, which was to use love to manipulate the prisoner. Love is used as the most coercive and cruel power of all. Either love or fear was used to strengthen the group’s hold over the individual and make the individual more vulnerable to radical re-socialization. However, when a target is resistant, the program may fail. Although the individual may be physically weaker, psychologically they are stronger. And as the participants in the program group, the corruption becomes exposed because people hear about the torture and they start to see. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
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Success happens when we are truly ready, not just when we want it. Be patient. Set yourself up for success. And, always believe that you day is on the way! The individual can be both cause and the consequence of society. The family is typically seen as the source of the child’s inadequacies, which the school must correct and overcome. The process of social comparisons is ubiquitous in the classroom. The age homogeneity and lack of formal status differentiation in the class cohort make it a fertile ground for the operation of social comparison process as a means of social differentiation. This differentiation occurs largely on the basis of perceived ability and achievement, and each student knows where he or she stands with respect to his or her classmates. The class, therefore, serves as a reference group for the student, not necessarily in the normative sense (although it may indeed be a source of norms and values) as much as in the comparative sense (that is, as a standard of evaluation). The family, by contrast, is primarily a normative reference group. There may even be a boomerang effect, under these circumstances, in that the socialize may develop in ways opposite to those intended by the agents of socialization within these contexts. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12
Parents are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. The conscience obligates people to their offspring, compelling them to be good citizens and to think of their children as investments so they can be the cause of a successful society, not the consequence of a World gone wrong. The role of a parent is much more than the social construction of reality or the product of the state. Parenthood is of a divine origin, and it to include goodness and perfect love so that your children turn out to be God’s work and glory. God is extremely concerned with the work and development of his eternal children. One of the inborn structures of the mind or personality is the id. The id is an unorganized chaotic mentality, and the sole aim of which is the gratification of all needs, the alleviation of hunger, self-preservation, and love, the preservation of the species. As people develop, it is important to teach them to gain control over their emotions, attention, and behavior in early years, as they are coming in contact with the environment. #RandolphHarris 2 of 12
One needs to be conscious or aware of the mental processes which occupy one at any given time. The ego is a processing awareness of the environment, henceforth strives to curb the lawless id tendencies whenever they attempt to assert themselves incompatibly. Neurosis is a conflict between the ego and the id. The ego, aware of the forces of civilization, religion, and ethics, refuses to allow motor discharge to impulses emanating from the lawless id, and will block them from attainment of the object towards which they aimed. The ego defends itself against these impulses by repressing them. In the real World, we see adults who are driven by the id. They are emotional savages, unable to control their urges and act out. Imagine if the World was ran by people like that. People who did not speak, but acted out of emotional urges and them pretended they did not know what they did wrong. The World would be in a stage of chaos. Sometimes the id can break through as a substitutive formation on paths over which the ego has no control, and obtrudes itself on the ego as symptoms. As a result of this process, the ego will find itself more or less impoverished, its integrity threatened and hurt, and hence it continues to combat the symptom in the same way as it had defended itself against the original id impulses. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12
This whole process constitutes the picture of the neuroses, or rather of the transference neurosis, which compromise hysteria, anxiety hysteria, and the compulsion neuroses, in constriction to the so-called narcissistic neuroses, melancholic depression, and to the psychoses, schizophrenia, paranoid conditions and paranoia proper, in which the underlying mechanisms are somewhat different. In a psychosis, the illness results from a conflict between the ego and the outer World, and the narcissistic neurosis from a conflict between the ego and the super-ego. For just as the ego is a modified portion of the id as a result of contact with the outer World, the super-ego represents a modified part of the ego, formed through experiences absorbed from the parents, especially from the father. Fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. The ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loves us. Fathers manifest that love as they labor in the service and support of their families daily. If by his example as well as his words, a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in daily living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the World to come. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12
The super-ego is a modified part of ego, formed through experiences absorbed from the parents, especially from the father. The super-ego is the highest mental evolution attainable by humans, and consists of a precipitate of all prohibitions and inhibitions, all the rules of conduct which are impressed on the child by his or her parents and by parental substitutes. The feeling of conscience depends altogether on the development of the super-ego. Therefore, mechanisms of the neurosis are attributed to the unconscious factor of the mind. Psychoanalysis calls it the psychology of depths because it is the role of the unconscious mental process. Neuroses are characterized by anxiety, depression, or other feelings of unhappiness or distress that are out of proportion to the circumstances of a person’s life. They may impair a person’s functioning in virtually any area of his or her life, relationships, or external affairs, but they are not severe enough to incapacitate the person. Affected patients generally do not suffer from the loss of the sense of reality seen in persons with psychoses. The psychoanalytic approach to treat neuroses involves helping the patient to become aware of the repressed impulses, feelings, and traumatic memories that underlie his or her symptoms, thereby enabling that individual to achieve personality growth through a better and deeper self-understanding. Also, people are so over zealous to label others that they do not seem to understand the difference between being a little sad and being depress. So, sometimes people report that they are depressed, when they are actually just sad. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12
Despite their growing abilities, some children and adults sometimes find it difficult to regulate their thoughts and emotions in ways that allow them to succeed at new tasks. Many psychiatrists prefer physical approaches, such as psychotropic drugs to treat neuroses (including antianxiety agents and antidepressant and antipsychotic drugs). This will allow the patient to face and overcome new developmental challenges, from getting along with others to learning novel academic skills. In addition, at these times, close relationships with meaningful authority figures, including teachers, managers, parents, law enforcement, the President, veterans, people who serve the country, doctors, a leader of the church, or a lawyer can help children and adults learn to regulate their own behavior. Contextual dissonance could be a source of the distress. That refers to the situation of being a member of an underrepresented group in a classroom (or other contexts, for that matter) in the basis of a trait or characteristic that is disvalued by the majority group, and it impacts the individual’s self-esteem. There could be a social identity context such as race and social class, competence context, and value context, and being an underrepresented subgroup on any of these dimensions can have a negative effect on the student’s self-esteem. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12
That is why I do not see having pride in one’s heritage as a bad thing. When people feel a sense of pride about who they are, they are more willing to deal with being an underrepresented group peacefully and they are able to communicate their needs and concerns to an authority member in a healthy way. When someone upsets them, they know it is better to walk away than acting out or seeking revenge. Mental health is more than just labeling someone. To assess someone’s mental health, you really have to get to know that individual and understand their psychology. The negative consequences of an underrepresented status within the immediate interaction context, in relation to social comparison process, operates more forcefully at the face-to-face level rather than when society is the frame of reference. That is why there can be negative consequences of school integration for self-esteem for certain individuals, and negative psychological consequences of being in the underrepresented status on the job. That is why the classroom organization is important for learning of general social norms. We should be patent, but approach our goals with a sense of urgency. We cannot stroll to our goal. Build momentum by taking consistent and daily actions towards what you want. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12
School is important as a transitional institution between the family and job. Conduct in the family and conduct on the job are governed by contrasting normative principles. School provides the bridge between these two institutions by exposing the child to a set of experiences that facilitate learning and internalizing the norms of independence, achievement, universalism, and specificity. The goal of school, in producing competent citizens is carried out not only through the formal program of instruction aimed at developing cognitive skills, but also through the less conspicuous development of other general norms. Because the interaction between teacher and pupil is much more role specific, and more temporary, the distinction between the person and the position becomes much clearer in the school than it is in the family. The child comes to see that teachers, unlike mothers, are interchangeable. Also, they are paid to be fair and look out for your best interest, but it is important to understand that this is a formal relationship, and to see it as that. Independence and achievement are norms that are more relevant to the conduct of pupils, and because they are the basis for evaluating pupils, they have greater psychological consequence for the child. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12
Independence refers to doing thing on one’s own, and connotes such others attributes as accepting responsibility for one’s acts and being self-motivated. We are accountable and will be judged for how we use what we have received. This eternal principle applies to all we have been given. Cheating and formal testing are two aspects of classroom operations that bear directly on the norm of independence. Achievement is perhaps the strongest norm of all. The concept denotes activity and mastery, the striving against some standard of excellence. It is closely tied to the main mission of the school—to teach students to evaluate the extent of their learning. Being constantly evaluated in the classroom, and the evaluations are public means that the implications of this situation go beyond the mere learning of social norms, they go to the heart of the child’s conception of self. Success, based on one’s own efforts, is good for self-esteem and builds confidence in one’s abilities. Failure is not, and public failure is worse. It also has fewer resources than does the family for protecting the child’s self-respect in the face of failure. However, even for those who are more successful on academic criteria, school can be hard on self-esteem. They must constantly work to maintain their status, and few go through this socialization experience without experiencing some failure. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12
Nonetheless, by attempting to avoid feelings, these students, by their actions, increase the probability of actual failure. This is one of the serious, unintended, and undesirable consequences of classroom socialization. Sometimes pressures are generated that lead to patterns of adaptation that are considered undesirable. The educational system perpetuates the economic order and contributes to the integration of youth into the labor force, mainly through a structural correspondence between its social relations and those of production. The relationship of the educational system is supposed to replicate the hierarchical division of labor which dominates the workplace. And some people do not do well in school because it may be a harsh and alien place that devalues much of what they have learned in their family context. For these children, school may be more difficult because it is also a re-socialization situation and the values that they are learning to conform to, as well as the education they are receiving may scare their family, who may be in the poverty segment of society. The relationships between children and teachers are powerful mechanisms for change. When student feel that a teacher believes in them and supports their growth, they feel more confident both academically and socially at school. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12
When children feel more secure at school, they are more prepared to learn. What is fairly distinct about socialization in childhood peer groups is the effect it has on the child’s development and validation of the self; the development of competence in the presentation of self through role-taking and impression management skills; and the acquisition of knowledge left residual or avoided by adults in their socialization of children. The key to the importance of the peer group in the socialization of these domains is the friendship bond. Friendships are based on egalitarian relationships of mutual support and acceptance, where a wider latitude of behavior is allowed than in most other relationships, and where there is no explicit responsibility on the part of friends to change or shape each other’s development (in contrast to parent/child relationships). Since a great deal is tolerated in friendships, the individual is freer to explore and express a wide range of behavior and self-conceptions without fear of condemnation. Friendship relationships are especially appropriate for the mastering of self-presentations and impression-management skills, since inadequate displays will usually be ignored or corrected without severe loss of face. #RandolphHarris 11 of 12
Create a great reputation. A solid reputation is like a fine art, easy to ruin and hard to create. Typically, success in athletics and academics is very important for boys and girls, but girls are also more concerned about being popular with peers. Hence, status in the peer group and classroom functions to provide an alternate source of self-esteem and perhaps to repair self-esteem damaged by other factors. For many if not most of those arriving at school for the first time, the community is the most varied institution in which they have ever experienced—perhaps ever will experience. To become leaders in our diverse society, students today must have the ability to work with people from different backgrounds, life experiences, and perspectives. Dear Lord, we pray to you for the well-being of our families. Creator grant us the strength of heart, mind, and body so that we may be to stand forthcoming trials and tribulations we have to face. Almighty Father, make us so strong as to be able to face the touch obstacles of life, profession, and education so we have exposure to peers with a deep and wide variety of academia interests, viewpoints, and talents in order to better challenge our own assumptions ad develop skills we need to succeed, and to lead, in an ever more diverse workforce and increasingly interconnected World. And it really helps when you have no one to talk to about abuse or bullying when a person in a position of authority lets you know they know. It gives a person hope that someone will save them and to just hold on. That reduces the likelihood of an individual hurting one’s self to escape the torment. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12
Randolph Harris II International Institute 