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First Impressions
There is nothing better than to love one another, as love is the elixir that makes the World go around. Initial attraction and the likelihood that a relationship will be formed will depend upon both individuals’ estimates concerning the value of the outcomes to be expected from the relationship, and concern the probabilities that such outcomes will be realized. Family background, values, physical attractiveness, and communication styles are just some of the factors that influence the selection of romantic relationships. These estimates, in turn, will be influenced by a number of tendencies characteristic of person perception and self-presentation, by elements in the situation that influence both, and by a number of interactional processes. People tend, where possible, to notice and distort the characteristics of others in the direction of their current motivational states. Research on perception and attention shows that we see more of what we look for; so if you are looking for signs of kindness, that is more likely to stand out to you. How one thinks about and interprets one’s partner’s actions, intentions, and words also affects how we feel and understand a situation with them, which in turn affects how we behave towards them. #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
Various pieces of information that a person receives about another do not enter equally into determining the total impression of that person. Instead, some kinds of information exert strong effects on how other information is interpreted. Placement of persons in certain social categories or statuses powerfully constrains the characteristics attributed to them by others. Early information and impression have greater effects on the perception of others than does later information. Thus, first impressions have considerable impact and, where favorable, provide a certain momentum to the development of a relationship. People respond more enthusiastically to an individual who comes across as trustworthy rather than confident. We are judging how warm and trustworthy the person is, and what their intentions towards us are. We are also looking to figure out how strong and competent this person is. Not only do persons in interaction attempt to control the kinds of information available to others, but they, as well as others in the situation, may influence the attributions that are finally arrived at. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
Everyone understand that you do not get a second chance to make that first impression count! And that first impression sticks with your love target—it is the basis for their psychological assessment of you are a potential romantic partner. Attributions, particularly unfavorable ones, frequently are challenged by the target person, and people initially attracted to another are motivated to impress the other with his or her rewarding qualities. If people are so motivated, they tend to adopt a number of self-presentation strategies or tactics of ingratiation that include, in addition to flattery, conformity in opinion, judgement, and behavior to that of the other and attributing attractive characteristics to themselves directly or indirectly. Two basic processes underlie such tactics: self-presentation and altercasting, and both of these are involved in the more general process of identity bargaining. People take notice of general levels of social sophistication and their mannerisms. Identity bargaining means in the first encounters, people attempt to present themselves as a certain kind of person and at the same time attempt to cast the other person into an identity that will fit these preferred lines of action. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
These identities presented and cast, in first encounters at least, tend to be favorable because beneficially valued identities are most acceptable and facilitative at this stage. In addition, norms of politeness and consideration that influence behavior of newly acquainted persons favor this course. People may be involved daily in round of segmental interaction without developing a personal relationship until something untoward occurs to jolt them out of their role-constrained behavior. When people are confronted with routine role behavior, they tend not to attribute underlying dispositions to others or to form impressions of what others are really like, nor does routine role behavior allow for or require the kind of interactional leeway that permits the joint creation of a personal relationship composed of two distinct identities. Relationship initiation is always to some degree a compromise made against a background of competing alternatives of varying desirability. On our first date, we met for a Mediterranean-inspired brunch, at Café Medina, which is the best date idea for someone you already kind of know. We have the best Belgian waffles, they were golden and crispy on the exterior and fully and soft on the inside. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
I was not sure if we were in a date until he offered to pay for the meal. I agreed only if I could buy us ice creams for dessert. Our brunch date turned into a day-long excursion around Vancouver, just talking and enjoying each other’s company. I was pretty enamored. The trip to Van Dusen Botanical Garden was so beautiful. Once we passed through the entrance, we were transported into a serene oasis with cool, polished marble, intricate stone pavilions, and pathways shaded by chinar, and cypress trees and flowers. It was a perfect spot for a romantic picnic. There were also vineyards, semi-desert gardens with cacti, and a water lily pond sprinkled with lotus flowers. Mountain peaks surrounded the entire site. I really enjoyed the high brick walls, which enclosed the terraced gardens, inked by a series of fountains and pools. Dear God, loving essence of all there is. Please fill us with your sacred presence. Love and Guide us to the blessings that life has to offer. Our heart is pure; our intentions are clear. Bring us love, joy, peace and prosperity to our lives. May we be embraced in a circle of love, uplifted by your grace. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
Sorry does Not Restore my Hindsight
At the beginning was the word, one who wants to make progress, even if by the smallest steps, must first liberate one’s self from the word, from the superstition of names, and from the tyranny of language. In addition, one of the important things learned in the acquisition of institutional roles is how to maintain self-esteem even under adverse organizational circumstances. Proper attitude in this crisis dominated World is a priceless possession. Never before has it been more important for all of us to move forward with pride. We may be behind, but we are not losing if we are moving in the right direction. God will not score our performances until the end of the journey. He who has made us expects us to be victorious. God stands by anxious to answer or calls for help and for us to praise and thank him. We must lead with good cheer, optimism, and courage if we are manifest the Kingdom of God. We should thank the Lord, our God, in all things with thankfulness and shall be made glorious. Thank God in all personal challenges. With God’s help, we can accomplish all things and be winners indeed in the processes of eternity. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
No one really knows a language, not even one’s native language; indeed, there is no such thing as a language. In science, it is clear that only the knowledge of the history of an idea can impart a clear conception of the true nature of that ides. Since every word has its own history, for a thorough knowledge of a language one would need to be familiar with its whole history. This is completely unknown to most people. Even the philologist’s knowledge about it is quite superficial. It is a colossal delusion to believe that language is a property of humankind and that it is something inherently rich. If language were such a thing—sort of like a tool—then with use it would deteriorate and wear out. However, language is not an object, not a property, not a tool—but a usage. Language is simply language-use. This is not a play on words, but a fact. Angelical was supposed to have been the language God used to create the World, and then used by Adam to speak with God and Angels and to name all things in existence. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Language is a truly remarkable phenomenon—arbitrary and yet systematic, obviously learned but apparently on the basis of specific innate capacities, understood by small children, but infinite in its possible variations. After his fall from Paradise, Adam lost the language of Angelical, and constructed a form of proto-Hebrew based upon his vague memory of Angelical. This explains why the more language is used, the richer and stronger it grows. If we want to start seeing the power of God manifest in our lives, we will have to start paying attention to what we say. Words have power—more than any of us may realize, but we often speak of them as though they were meaningless. Because of that, mist believers at one time or another have been hurt by something a careless whisper. Every time an individual says something that they do not really means, it begins to numb the heart. Therefore, keep it down, voices carry. Human beings attain social goals through talk. That this gets done (with errors and violations of a magnitude sufficient ordinarily only to reveal the underlying patterns) is itself remarkable. What is even more remarkable is the substantial similarity in how it gets done in what at first appear to be very different cultures and very different modes of talk. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
Language is so complex that children could not learn them if there were not genetically fitted to do so. Infants have some sort of innate capacity (sometimes called the LAD or Language Acquisition Device) which permits them to construct theories of their language on the basis of the speech data in the World around them. Children’s speech capabilities are both well developed and individually differentiated at fairly young ages (five years is frequently seen as a threshold); some investigators have therefore concluded that the LAD begins to atrophy at the point at which the fundamentals of language are mastered. Other investigators assert that language learning is a life-long process, and that adaption and modification of language is continuous. Children’s rapid acquisition of a wide range of grammatical (phonological, syntactic) skills is well documented. The parallel development of skills children acquire which allow them to use their developing linguistic skills effectively in social interaction, develop best in a World that is rich with sounds, sights, and consistent exposure to the speech and language of others. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
Face, in a certain context, is a public self-image that every member wants to claim for one’s self. Philosophers have always been interested in meaning, and have contributed to much of the conceptual apparatus used in its discussion (sense, reference, connotation, denotation, intention, intension, and so forth). Problems of meaning are not simple, and for many years linguists seemed willing to let philosopher struggles with them. Investigators who have studied conversational exchanges in English have identified and described such features of conversation, as for example, sequencing (including placement of laughter), interruptions, self- (and other) corrections, and so forth, in order to explicate such conversational accomplishments as, for example, gaining and holding the floor, telling acceptable stories, extending invitations, making social categorization, and so on. The analysis is understanding of how conversations are successfully begun, carried on, and ended in rule-governed social interaction. Language is also used as a method of social control in talk than to more visible instances of manipulative acts involving named instrumentalities. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
There are many ways of saying the same thing, depending on the age and culture of the person and also the location where what they are trying to explained happened. Some people do not always know how to accurately transform their thoughts into action, and such a mistake could get a person in a lot of trouble. Also, social control attempts are things we should pay more attention to. Some people try to manipulate the sound of words to convey a point on the sly, while others will make a statement so you can gather a social que and act in the manner they are suggesting. And Body language can be used to make statements as well. I do not think anyone would wish to deny the obvious—that we keep on learning more of our language in some sense as we get older. Language develops cognitive skills, fosters connections to international markets, preserves ancient traditions and histories, and cultivates a crucial understanding and appreciation of the World. When we can understand that culture in its language, and get a comprehensive view, we are immediately receptive to areas where conflict can be averted. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
It is important to train global citizens and global leaders to have a transcultural literacy at a deep level. For some cultures, “Cooking fish,” does not mean preparing fish that you bought from the market for a meal to consume. Language is employed as a resource in social control and on the macrolevel those who control symbol control societies through their use in cultural reproduction and therefore in continuing class dominance. The greater an individual’s context independence in speech, through greater facility in these elaborated codes, the greater an individual’s ability to disengage from the immediate and the concrete (that is, to attain cognitive detachment), and thus the greater one’s autonomy and control over access to the environment is. Controllers are also used in different mixes of control modes and discretion in accomplishing different functions. For example, if you pick a friend up and she or he lives far away and they ask can they stay the night, but you do not want them to, you might say, “When do you think you will be ready to leave?” or “You will have to walk home if you stay.” Many people speak English, but different subcultures use certain words in a context, which might make you think you need to consult an ancient scribe. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
Biblical thought and indeed the intellectual cultural traditions of most societies are communicated especially through languages. The choice and orchestration of the words provide a clue to what the meaning of the World is about. What is so perilous, then, in the fact that people speak and that their speech proliferates? Where is the danger in that? Philosophers, linguists, psychologist, and social psychologists as well, are deeply involved in questions of meaning and intent. Reading ancient text may not solve all of our problems, but it will give us a sense of whom we are talking to, of what fundamental social, cultural, and ecological realities we are facing, which we ignore at our peril. Latin, at the height of the Empire, was a sick language before it become a dead language. The cultural languages of our age are similarly sick, rotten to the core. We need to keep language strong and healthy. The languages of sophistication have all developed through metaphorization and we need to prevent them from all becoming childish as the meanings of the metaphors are forgotten. Sorry does not restore my hindsight. Now may the Lord, peace himself, give you his peace at all times and in every situation. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
California’s Circle of Fear
The purpose of a career is so that leaders can shape a better World by strategically exploring, planning, and creating future paths, where their actions and choices also facilitate continuous learning and growth in the work force. The structural imperative of the job, requires values that give a wide range of psychological variables, especially intellectual flexibility. Empirical evidence is substantive that complexity of work beneficially affects the socialization and self-creation of the individual. More specifically, as jobs increase in status and prestige, they also increase the degree of autonomy, creativity, and discretion allowed in the worker. The career also tends to be more satisfying and rewarding. People in work situations that provide little opportunity for upward mobility tend to limit their aspirations, seek satisfaction in activities outside of work or alienation from work. These displaced workers will create strong peer associations in which interpersonal relations take precedence over other aspects of the job, and develop loyalties to the local unit rather than to the larger organization. The second dimension, being low in organizational power, also has negative psychological and behavioral consequences for the individual. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Individuals who are stifled at work become pettier, bossier, and more authoritarian; use subordinates for their frame of reference; and rely more on coercive than persuasive techniques of control. And the third dimension is when people are underrepresented in their career field, they find it harder to be taken seriously; are more isolated and excluded from informal peer networks, and may be oppressed. All of these dimensions represent behavioral consequences of disadvantaged position is the work force. Breaking these cycles of development is difficult because the tendency is for the individual’s competence, confidence, and power progressively to increase (or decrease); and the perceptions and expectations that others have of the individual become solidified. This model can produce a set of structural conditions that contribute to the development of self-actualizing or self-defeating people. Self-actualized people are motivated to try out new experiences. They will feel secure enough about one’s own personality—strengths, weaknesses, and uniqueness—to expand one’s horizon. In contrast, people who are self-defeating let external influences serve to frustrate, thwart, or destroy one’s own intention of interests by internalizing and letting negative forces dictate their abilities. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
The structure of opportunity brings in the workers assessment of the future, via prospects for upward mobility, as a factor in present adjustments. People relate to the present in part in terms of their expectations and prospects for the future to be stuck is a very different work experience than being up and coming. There is ample evidence on work in American society to suggest substantial dissatisfaction and alienation of workers from their jobs. In a recent department of Health, Education, and Welfare report, only 43 percent of workers who perform professional jobs (doctors, lawyers, teachers) and just 24 percent of labor workers (construction workers, retail, manufacturers) reported that they were satisfied with their jobs. The socialization consequences of work settings can reflect either processes of relatively passive compliance and adaptation to external exigencies or process of self-determination and expansion. Therefore, a critical element of career philosophy is to support internal mobility. Internal mobility is the extent to which employees move into new careers within an organization, based on their performance. It is a measure of how well some corporations encourage employees to develop and stretch themselves so that they can advance and live a productive life. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Employees who are successful keep their skills and knowledge fresh and current. They show up to work on time, are professional, have good hygiene, maintain a reputation for being optimistic and adaptable. Highly competent employees develop and sustain meaningful professional relationships, and they stay informed about current trends influencing the corporation, economy, and their specific career field. Re-socialization can take place in various institutional settings established for this purpose, such as in peer groups, church, and compensatory education programs. The specific objectives of these contexts vary from political socialization (or brainwashing) to religious conversion to various types of reeducation such as workshops and meetings. Delinquency is seen primarily as a group phenomenon and the task of rehabilitation is one of changing the shared delinquent characteristics. Participation in some of these contexts is voluntary, and in others involuntary. Most of these contexts can be characterized as involving intense small-group interaction where the socialization ratio is large, and where the interaction environment is totalistic or closed. Under these circumstances, one’s sense of reality is most effectively restructured. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
The Democratic Communist program used brainwashing as a source of reeducation. Along with the physical coercion, the lack of sleep, and various forms of psychological stress, physical and financial assault to weaken their target’s hold on past beliefs and identities. It was a process of identity casting used in the situation. From the beginning, it was made clear that the target’s life and rights did not matter, and that they must perish, and in one’s place must arise a new person, resurrected in the Communist mold. Often times that meant an individual was killed and their identity was given to a different person. The original person’s major status identifications, such as doctor, priest, teacher, as well as the individual’s name, were undermined and replaced by the identity of criminal. Perhaps the most significant assaults upon the now prisoner’s identity occurred during the process of confession. Confession, which was the major technique employed by the captors to involve the prisoner in the process of one’s own reform, required thorough and compelling self-examination of every action, attitude, and thought, and always from the people’s perspective. A series of denunciations of friends and associates was required as an essential part of the confession. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
Making these denunciations not only generated feelings of guilt and shame in the prisoner, but it subverted the structure of one’s own life. Even when the prisoner was aware that one’s confession was wild and one’s denunciations invalid, one usually began to behave as if one were a criminal. If the prisoner would not, then the opposition forces would have someone impersonate the individual to act out the behavior the oppressors wanted to convince the public that the prisoner’s refashioned identity was emerging. This may be considered the rebirth. In this case, the boy’s initial situation was purposely amorphous: The prisoner is left on one’s own to figure out why authorities are doing what they are doing and what they must do to get out of trouble. The new conscript soon discovered that the only avenue for release was through participation in the delinquent peer group, which was the primary source of pressure for change. The main interactions took place in daily group discussion session. In these group sessions, the essential ingredients of identity assault included confession of past transgressions through a minute re-examination of the past, including one’s former identities, with the assistant of a reform vocabulary and the constant pressure of the peer group. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
Usually these targets are easy to break because they are alienated from their past identity, unhappy with themselves or their lives, lack a strong sense of self and identity, and carry a burden of guilt. The main task for the group is to channel this discontent into the creation of the new self. Initially, the major technique used to make the prisoner receptive to change was fear. It was simply fear of physical punishment and harassment. However, as the effects of confession, self-betrayal, and group attack began to take hold, it became a fear of psychological annihilation (hitting rock bottom psychologically). There is also another strategy, which was to use love to manipulate the prisoner. Love is used as the most coercive and cruel power of all. Either love or fear was used to strengthen the group’s hold over the individual and make the individual more vulnerable to radical re-socialization. However, when a target is resistant, the program may fail. Although the individual may be physically weaker, psychologically they are stronger. And as the participants in the program group, the corruption becomes exposed because people hear about the torture and they start to see. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
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Them Mens Hitted theyselves Cruel
Success happens when we are truly ready, not just when we want it. Be patient. Set yourself up for success. And, always believe that you day is on the way! The individual can be both cause and the consequence of society. The family is typically seen as the source of the child’s inadequacies, which the school must correct and overcome. The process of social comparisons is ubiquitous in the classroom. The age homogeneity and lack of formal status differentiation in the class cohort make it a fertile ground for the operation of social comparison process as a means of social differentiation. This differentiation occurs largely on the basis of perceived ability and achievement, and each student knows where he or she stands with respect to his or her classmates. The class, therefore, serves as a reference group for the student, not necessarily in the normative sense (although it may indeed be a source of norms and values) as much as in the comparative sense (that is, as a standard of evaluation). The family, by contrast, is primarily a normative reference group. There may even be a boomerang effect, under these circumstances, in that the socialize may develop in ways opposite to those intended by the agents of socialization within these contexts. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12
Parents are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. The conscience obligates people to their offspring, compelling them to be good citizens and to think of their children as investments so they can be the cause of a successful society, not the consequence of a World gone wrong. The role of a parent is much more than the social construction of reality or the product of the state. Parenthood is of a divine origin, and it to include goodness and perfect love so that your children turn out to be God’s work and glory. God is extremely concerned with the work and development of his eternal children. One of the inborn structures of the mind or personality is the id. The id is an unorganized chaotic mentality, and the sole aim of which is the gratification of all needs, the alleviation of hunger, self-preservation, and love, the preservation of the species. As people develop, it is important to teach them to gain control over their emotions, attention, and behavior in early years, as they are coming in contact with the environment. #RandolphHarris 2 of 12
One needs to be conscious or aware of the mental processes which occupy one at any given time. The ego is a processing awareness of the environment, henceforth strives to curb the lawless id tendencies whenever they attempt to assert themselves incompatibly. Neurosis is a conflict between the ego and the id. The ego, aware of the forces of civilization, religion, and ethics, refuses to allow motor discharge to impulses emanating from the lawless id, and will block them from attainment of the object towards which they aimed. The ego defends itself against these impulses by repressing them. In the real World, we see adults who are driven by the id. They are emotional savages, unable to control their urges and act out. Imagine if the World was ran by people like that. People who did not speak, but acted out of emotional urges and them pretended they did not know what they did wrong. The World would be in a stage of chaos. Sometimes the id can break through as a substitutive formation on paths over which the ego has no control, and obtrudes itself on the ego as symptoms. As a result of this process, the ego will find itself more or less impoverished, its integrity threatened and hurt, and hence it continues to combat the symptom in the same way as it had defended itself against the original id impulses. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12
This whole process constitutes the picture of the neuroses, or rather of the transference neurosis, which compromise hysteria, anxiety hysteria, and the compulsion neuroses, in constriction to the so-called narcissistic neuroses, melancholic depression, and to the psychoses, schizophrenia, paranoid conditions and paranoia proper, in which the underlying mechanisms are somewhat different. In a psychosis, the illness results from a conflict between the ego and the outer World, and the narcissistic neurosis from a conflict between the ego and the super-ego. For just as the ego is a modified portion of the id as a result of contact with the outer World, the super-ego represents a modified part of the ego, formed through experiences absorbed from the parents, especially from the father. Fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. The ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loves us. Fathers manifest that love as they labor in the service and support of their families daily. If by his example as well as his words, a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in daily living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the World to come. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12
The super-ego is a modified part of ego, formed through experiences absorbed from the parents, especially from the father. The super-ego is the highest mental evolution attainable by humans, and consists of a precipitate of all prohibitions and inhibitions, all the rules of conduct which are impressed on the child by his or her parents and by parental substitutes. The feeling of conscience depends altogether on the development of the super-ego. Therefore, mechanisms of the neurosis are attributed to the unconscious factor of the mind. Psychoanalysis calls it the psychology of depths because it is the role of the unconscious mental process. Neuroses are characterized by anxiety, depression, or other feelings of unhappiness or distress that are out of proportion to the circumstances of a person’s life. They may impair a person’s functioning in virtually any area of his or her life, relationships, or external affairs, but they are not severe enough to incapacitate the person. Affected patients generally do not suffer from the loss of the sense of reality seen in persons with psychoses. The psychoanalytic approach to treat neuroses involves helping the patient to become aware of the repressed impulses, feelings, and traumatic memories that underlie his or her symptoms, thereby enabling that individual to achieve personality growth through a better and deeper self-understanding. Also, people are so over zealous to label others that they do not seem to understand the difference between being a little sad and being depress. So, sometimes people report that they are depressed, when they are actually just sad. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12
Despite their growing abilities, some children and adults sometimes find it difficult to regulate their thoughts and emotions in ways that allow them to succeed at new tasks. Many psychiatrists prefer physical approaches, such as psychotropic drugs to treat neuroses (including antianxiety agents and antidepressant and antipsychotic drugs). This will allow the patient to face and overcome new developmental challenges, from getting along with others to learning novel academic skills. In addition, at these times, close relationships with meaningful authority figures, including teachers, managers, parents, law enforcement, the President, veterans, people who serve the country, doctors, a leader of the church, or a lawyer can help children and adults learn to regulate their own behavior. Contextual dissonance could be a source of the distress. That refers to the situation of being a member of an underrepresented group in a classroom (or other contexts, for that matter) in the basis of a trait or characteristic that is disvalued by the majority group, and it impacts the individual’s self-esteem. There could be a social identity context such as race and social class, competence context, and value context, and being an underrepresented subgroup on any of these dimensions can have a negative effect on the student’s self-esteem. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12
That is why I do not see having pride in one’s heritage as a bad thing. When people feel a sense of pride about who they are, they are more willing to deal with being an underrepresented group peacefully and they are able to communicate their needs and concerns to an authority member in a healthy way. When someone upsets them, they know it is better to walk away than acting out or seeking revenge. Mental health is more than just labeling someone. To assess someone’s mental health, you really have to get to know that individual and understand their psychology. The negative consequences of an underrepresented status within the immediate interaction context, in relation to social comparison process, operates more forcefully at the face-to-face level rather than when society is the frame of reference. That is why there can be negative consequences of school integration for self-esteem for certain individuals, and negative psychological consequences of being in the underrepresented status on the job. That is why the classroom organization is important for learning of general social norms. We should be patent, but approach our goals with a sense of urgency. We cannot stroll to our goal. Build momentum by taking consistent and daily actions towards what you want. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12
School is important as a transitional institution between the family and job. Conduct in the family and conduct on the job are governed by contrasting normative principles. School provides the bridge between these two institutions by exposing the child to a set of experiences that facilitate learning and internalizing the norms of independence, achievement, universalism, and specificity. The goal of school, in producing competent citizens is carried out not only through the formal program of instruction aimed at developing cognitive skills, but also through the less conspicuous development of other general norms. Because the interaction between teacher and pupil is much more role specific, and more temporary, the distinction between the person and the position becomes much clearer in the school than it is in the family. The child comes to see that teachers, unlike mothers, are interchangeable. Also, they are paid to be fair and look out for your best interest, but it is important to understand that this is a formal relationship, and to see it as that. Independence and achievement are norms that are more relevant to the conduct of pupils, and because they are the basis for evaluating pupils, they have greater psychological consequence for the child. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12
Independence refers to doing thing on one’s own, and connotes such others attributes as accepting responsibility for one’s acts and being self-motivated. We are accountable and will be judged for how we use what we have received. This eternal principle applies to all we have been given. Cheating and formal testing are two aspects of classroom operations that bear directly on the norm of independence. Achievement is perhaps the strongest norm of all. The concept denotes activity and mastery, the striving against some standard of excellence. It is closely tied to the main mission of the school—to teach students to evaluate the extent of their learning. Being constantly evaluated in the classroom, and the evaluations are public means that the implications of this situation go beyond the mere learning of social norms, they go to the heart of the child’s conception of self. Success, based on one’s own efforts, is good for self-esteem and builds confidence in one’s abilities. Failure is not, and public failure is worse. It also has fewer resources than does the family for protecting the child’s self-respect in the face of failure. However, even for those who are more successful on academic criteria, school can be hard on self-esteem. They must constantly work to maintain their status, and few go through this socialization experience without experiencing some failure. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12
Nonetheless, by attempting to avoid feelings, these students, by their actions, increase the probability of actual failure. This is one of the serious, unintended, and undesirable consequences of classroom socialization. Sometimes pressures are generated that lead to patterns of adaptation that are considered undesirable. The educational system perpetuates the economic order and contributes to the integration of youth into the labor force, mainly through a structural correspondence between its social relations and those of production. The relationship of the educational system is supposed to replicate the hierarchical division of labor which dominates the workplace. And some people do not do well in school because it may be a harsh and alien place that devalues much of what they have learned in their family context. For these children, school may be more difficult because it is also a re-socialization situation and the values that they are learning to conform to, as well as the education they are receiving may scare their family, who may be in the poverty segment of society. The relationships between children and teachers are powerful mechanisms for change. When student feel that a teacher believes in them and supports their growth, they feel more confident both academically and socially at school. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12
When children feel more secure at school, they are more prepared to learn. What is fairly distinct about socialization in childhood peer groups is the effect it has on the child’s development and validation of the self; the development of competence in the presentation of self through role-taking and impression management skills; and the acquisition of knowledge left residual or avoided by adults in their socialization of children. The key to the importance of the peer group in the socialization of these domains is the friendship bond. Friendships are based on egalitarian relationships of mutual support and acceptance, where a wider latitude of behavior is allowed than in most other relationships, and where there is no explicit responsibility on the part of friends to change or shape each other’s development (in contrast to parent/child relationships). Since a great deal is tolerated in friendships, the individual is freer to explore and express a wide range of behavior and self-conceptions without fear of condemnation. Friendship relationships are especially appropriate for the mastering of self-presentations and impression-management skills, since inadequate displays will usually be ignored or corrected without severe loss of face. #RandolphHarris 11 of 12
Create a great reputation. A solid reputation is like a fine art, easy to ruin and hard to create. Typically, success in athletics and academics is very important for boys and girls, but girls are also more concerned about being popular with peers. Hence, status in the peer group and classroom functions to provide an alternate source of self-esteem and perhaps to repair self-esteem damaged by other factors. For many if not most of those arriving at school for the first time, the community is the most varied institution in which they have ever experienced—perhaps ever will experience. To become leaders in our diverse society, students today must have the ability to work with people from different backgrounds, life experiences, and perspectives. Dear Lord, we pray to you for the well-being of our families. Creator grant us the strength of heart, mind, and body so that we may be to stand forthcoming trials and tribulations we have to face. Almighty Father, make us so strong as to be able to face the touch obstacles of life, profession, and education so we have exposure to peers with a deep and wide variety of academia interests, viewpoints, and talents in order to better challenge our own assumptions ad develop skills we need to succeed, and to lead, in an ever more diverse workforce and increasingly interconnected World. And it really helps when you have no one to talk to about abuse or bullying when a person in a position of authority lets you know they know. It gives a person hope that someone will save them and to just hold on. That reduces the likelihood of an individual hurting one’s self to escape the torment. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12
The Glory of God is Intelligence
Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this Earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. We are of infinite worth to our Heavenly Father. The school, like the family, is an institution whose explicit mandate is to socialize people. In each case, this mandate is directed toward children. The school’s mission, however, is defined more narrowly than that of the family. It is primarily concerned with the formal instruction of children and the development of their cognitive skills (but here again, more is learned by the child than that which is explicitly taught). That is why if I could afford to, I would send my children to private school so they can learn about God as part of their enrichment material, and also so they would not pick up the habit of swearing from their friends, and also because they would have to wear a uniform, which is more likely to get them ready to conform to the career World. Next to the family, the school is the institution in which the child is most directly involved. And like the family, this involvement is largely involuntary. However, in most other respects, family and classroom constitute quite different socialization experiences for the child. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12
School is important in life because people need to gain knowledge and intelligence through their diligence and obedience so that they can have an advantage in the World to come. The classroom is composed of one adult and around twenty-five bright young children of both genders and approximately the same age, drawn from a relatively small geographical area. The major status distinction, which is important so students can learn to respect authority figures besides their parents, is between the teacher and pupils. There is a law, irrevocably decreed in Heaven before the foundations of this World, upon which all blessings are predicated—and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated. The relationship between teacher and student is more of a limited scope (that is, more role-specific), and of shorter duration than is that between parent and child. The procedure of annual promotion from grade to grade provides the child with the experience of establishing and severing relationship with adults at regular periods. This being the case, we all should place the pursuit of light and truth, and intelligence, uppermost in our selections of goals, since we may have them eternally. #RandolphHarris 2 of 12
The glory of God is intelligence. School is the first socializing agency in the child’s experience that institutionalizes a differentiation of statues based on achievement. However, many parents can tell that their babies are intelligent and understand because, for example, when Leo (age 1) is asked to dance, but the music he likes is not on, he will not. However, when classical music is playing and he is asked to dance, he starts smiling and moving his hands and arms and head and legs, and even motions like he is conducting the composition. Other children Leo’s age when playing with a horse make the sound a horse makes when walking. Or watch their parents cook and when playing, get a pot and pretend to cook and taste the food and share it with their family. The homogeneous age composition of the class is an especially consequential feature of classroom structure. It provides the child with a standard of comparison for evaluating his or her competencies. It also provides the teacher with a standard for evaluating each student. Formal and public evaluation of performance is one of the hallmarks of the school experience, and, as we shall see, it has substantial consequences for the child’s self-esteem. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12
As you can see, it is important for children to be around their peer group, as they are all developing at the same relative level and can teach each other things. Ostensibly, school is primarily concerned with the cognitive development of the child—the acquisition of knowledge, the development of analytical and verbal skills, and other competencies. However, in the course of this socialization experience, other things are also learned, such as general norms and beliefs, and other aspects of the child are affected (personality characteristics, self-esteem). It is also important to understand, and this may or may not be fair, but grades are about social reinforcement, expectancy effects, and social comparison processes. The most conspicuous socialization process in the classroom (as perhaps, in the family) is social reinforcement. Teachers rely on several reinforcers in attempting to shape the student’s behavior and development—praise, blame, privileges, and, most important, grades. Grades represent the most concrete evidence of official (teacher’s) approval or disapproval of the student’s performance. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12
However, grade may also be used to reinforcement more than just the development of cognitive competencies. Teachers are likely to reward those students who conform to the social order of the school with higher grades and punish violators with lower grades, independent of their respective academic and cognitive accomplishments. An ABC10 Journalist, Gabrielle Karol reported on Beyer High School (Modesto, California USA), where sophomore Cedric Wright got in trouble for slapping his best friend. Cedric Wright was supposedly defending another student his best friend punched in the arm. The kids were all supposedly playing around like people do in the locker room. However, both Cedric and his friend were sent to the principal’s office. Cedric got a two day in-school suspension, where he sat in an intervention center, and was not allowed to go to class. Cedric Wright’s parents got upset and filed a complaint because the best friend did not get an equal punishment for a similar offense. Mr. James Wright thought his son had a bias applied against him because he is African American. After the complaint was filed by Cedric’s parents, it was then that Cedric’s best friend was punished. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12
Ignorance is expensive; in fact, it is the most expensive commodity we know anything about. Certainly, we make many mistakes through ignorance. After an investigation, the school claims there was a miscommunication, and that is why Cedric Wright was the only student punished initially. In this case, conformity to the social order meant that certain personality characteristics were rewarded (for example, dependability, consistency, perseverance, identification with school, punctuality, and tact), while others are punished or disapproved (for example, creativity, aggression, and independence). Sometimes people feel that certain families or students are out of control because they are successfully, well integrated and solid middle class, which is against an outdated negative stereotype that a small segment of the population would like to adhere to. There seems to be a significant positive relationship between the grade-point average of high school students and the first set of personality characteristics listed and second set of characteristics. Similar evidence reflects that grades are more than scholastic achievement of students. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12
Where there is no law, there is no transgression. In a study of 639 National Merit Scholars, it was found that differences in scholastic achievement were not related to grades. However, two personality variables were significantly and positively related to grades: citizenship and drive to achieve. However, it was found that neither of these two variables had a significant effect on actual achievement measures, and both were negatively related to measures of creativity and mental flexibility. There is evidence that teachers directly reinforce certain personality characteristics and discourage others through the use of grades and other reinforcers. Less obvious than social reinforcement, but perhaps no less pervasive, are expectancy effects and social comparison process. Expectancy effects, better known as self-fulfilling prophecies, are part of the broader process of defining situations and thereby constructing realities. The concept refers to the capacity of beliefs or expectancies to alter a state of affairs so that it comes to be congruent with the original belief. If people define situations as real, they are real in their consequences. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12
The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true. This specious validity to the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a region of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he or she was right from the very beginning. Self-fulfilling prophecies are usually always negative, as attested by the literature on race relations, deviance, and stereotyping. However, research of self-fulfilling prophecies in the classroom demonstrates that greater intellectual growth can be produced if the teacher expected that than if he or she did not. The findings were equivocal, as teacher’s expectations had a significant effect on pupils’ IQ gains for first and second-graders. The fear that many people have, however, concerning the self-fulfilling prophecy in the classroom is not with regard to the effect of the teacher’s high expectations, but rather his or her low expectations of certain students. Especially in schools where the student body is racially or socioeconomically mixed, parents and policy makers fear that the teacher would have lower expectations for the underrepresented or lower-income students, and that these expectations will be communicated in differential treatment. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12
A careful study gives credence to some of these fears. A class of Black children was followed from kindergarten through second grade. There were numerous and subtle ways in which the teacher transmitted her expectations of their competencies or incompetencies to these children in a process that became self-fulfilling. According to Gabrielle Karol, a journalist from ABC10, data from California state assessments from 11th grade students found that 64 percent of African American students did not meet state standards in English, compared to 33 percent European American students. In math, 93 percent of African American students failed to meet standards, compared to 64 percent of European American students. While subconscious stereotypes can lead to biases in judgment that people are not aware of, we need to help educate teachers and others in positions of power to erode these outdated standards of prophecy. At the same time, we need to encourage parents to be more active in their students’ education and ask them to investigate why their students are underperforming. If parents get involved, they can act as agents to educate teachers and let them know that they will not stand for unfair treatment, or help to correct the educational problems their kids are manifesting. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12
We need to help prepare leaders in education and to generate knowledge to improve student opportunity, achievement, and success. Sometimes people will try to demonize your children and ruin their lives because their own children are deviant and your kids make them look bad. Even though we may not think we are guilty of our sin because of our ignorance, neither can we receive the blessing, which is predicated on obedience, without rendering obedience to that law. Therefore, we are denied the blessing through our ignorance. If it is a traffic law one has violated through ignorance, the penalty is assessed exactly as one had known. Ignorance of the law is not an excuse. The goal of school is to have an exceptional and collaborative community of faculty, students, and alumni dedicated to improving lives and expanding opportunities through the comprehensive study and effective practice of education. We want our kids to grow to become innovative leaders in the community, entrepreneurs, and explorers of the World. It is also important the teachers understand that we expect a diverse, moral development of our children, an international education policy, and organizational leadership. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12
We want our children to be taught by renowned experts, who are passionate about education and preparing students to become transformative leaders. With that being said, it is important to be honest and let parents know when their children could do better and how, or to directly communicate that to the student. Never miss an opportunity to remind children the pivotal importance of a strong education. College is the key to success and a better life. Higher education encompasses more kinds of experiences, and more kinds of different experiences, than there are people in your classroom, and there is a place for every one of you. Commit to the goal of a higher education, and share your plans with others. Write it down, tell your parents, teachers, coaches, friends and extended family. Share your educational dreams with anyone who will be supportive. College education leads to higher incomes, lower unemployment rates, better access to health care, and it will give you the freedom to understand yourself differently. With education you will have a vaster range of life experiences. #RandolphHarris 11 of 12
It is impossible for anyone to be saved in ignorance. No person is truly enlightened unless he or she knows God. Education will help you learn to have meaningful conversations with people and give you a wide range of viewpoints. Education teaches people to even reconsider their own view point. By attending college, you will encourage dreams that you have never dreamed. Every person has extraordinary gifts, and education will help you build your future. Dear Lord, as we continue in life, help us never to forget to devote our time of praise and worship to you. We know, God, that you are the one who sustains us and we are so grateful that you blessed us with this amazing life on this beautiful planet. God, we know that you are renewing our minds. We pray that all of our instructors, professors, and administrators will also experience the love of God. We will grow and learn, and as we strive, we will become more like our teachers. Please give them wisdom, strength and courage to be the best authority figures. Help them stay healthy as they do teach us. Lord, if they do not know you personally, we pray that they come to know you and in doing so that their instruction and working is glorifying to you. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12
Grant Us Compassionate Hearts
Everyone has a story. We are all central characters in our own lives. Much of the human personality is made through socialization. Our rising generation is worthy of our best efforts to support and strengthen them in their journey to adulthood. As an institution, the function of the parents is to develop children into competent, moral, and self-sufficient adults. Parents socialize their children for membership in the larger society. In the process, of course, parents also become socialized. Relationships within the family are intimate, intensive, relatively enduring, particularistic, and diffuse. This is why the socialization that takes place here is usually the most pervasive and consequential for the individual. It is also the first socialization context that most of experience—the place where we develop our initial sense of self. The family, in contemporary society at least, is a relatively simple structure, usually composed of father, mother, and a few children. The parents generally have considerably more power and authority than the children (although the power disparity decreases as the children get older). Perhaps the most powerful thing you can tell your family is that you love them because it lets them now that they are not alone and you care. #RandolphHarris 1 of 9
There is a wide range of process and outcomes of socialization within the family, especially for the child. It is the context in which the child’s initial sense of self develops and basic identities, motivations, values, and beliefs are formed. A good deal of the socialization that takes place in the family involves learning appropriate role behavior associated with various family positions. For the children gender and age roles are very significant because of the consequences that they have for self-conceptions. They are sources of major identities that individuals hold. As such, they are sources of motivation (wanting to act in accordance with role requirements), values (having a beneficial or negative feeling toward the identity), and, perhaps most important, they engender relatively unshakeable conceptions of reality. They also develop very early in the socialization process, shortly after the acquisition of language. Not long after the appearance of reflective thinking (that is, the ability to view the self as an object), the child, in categorizing its World and constructing its reality, categorizes itself as boy or girl. This becomes a statement of fact, not subject to opinion nor negotiation—just as the identities of brother, sister, youngest child, and becomes statement of fact as the children forms. #RandolphHarris 2 of 9
The behavioral consequences of age and gender roles for boys and girls—that is, the role behaviors considered appropriate—take a long time to develop and are negotiable. Through a process of reinforcement from parents and others, through identification with various role models, through countless parental admonitions and instructions, the child is socialized into the specific behavioral expectations associated with these roles. Girls generally learn gender-appropriate behavior through identification with their mothers, whereas boys learn it through identification with a culturally defined masculine role. This difference in processes involved in gender-role learning is a function of the traditional division of labor in the home. As a result, the process of gender-role learning for girls is through observing their mother and modeling her behavior. However, since, generally speaking, the father is often less visible, the process of gender-role learning is more complicated for boys. Their problem is to determine, on the basis of various sources of information (such as mother’s sanctions against unmasculine behavior, males portrayed in the mass media, and observation of men in various circumstances), what constitutes appropriate masculine behavior and to use it as a standard for one’s own conduct. This involves abstracting from a number of diverse sources of information a general model of masculinity. #RandolphHarris 3 of 9
Many of the youth are remarkable in their spiritual maturity and in their faith. However, even the best of them are sorely tested. And the testing will become more severe. Children learn at a young age that there are distinct expectations for them based on their assigned gender. We must put family first and identify specific ways to strengthen our youth. Studies show that children are aware of gender roles by age two or three; at four or five, most children are firmly entrenched in culturally appropriate gender roles. Parents often supply male children with toy trucks, cars, action figures, robots, balls, sports toys, and books. Female children are often given dolls, doll houses, baking sets, books, balls, sports toys, and stuffed animals. Most children will choose to play with gender appropriate toys even when cross-gender toys are available, because parents give children good feedback (in the form of praise, involvement, and physical closeness) for gender-normative behavior. Our rising generation is worthy of our best efforts to support and strengthen them in their journey to adulthood. Make your family feel appreciated and acknowledged. People who show gratitude feel better about their lives, are more optimistic and in better health than people who are not. #RandolphHarris 4 of 9
In out routine of life, we often take our families—our parents and children and siblings—for granted. However, there is no question that what we care about most is our families. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. Parents are not the only agents within the family important to the child’s gender-role learning. Siblings also have an effect. In a study of gender-role learning in two-child families, children who have a sibling of the opposite gender have more personality traits of the opposite gender than do children from same-gender sibling system, and this effect is greater for younger than for older siblings. Furthermore, this process of mutual influence is asymmetrical in the sibling order. Older siblings, because of their greater power and competence, have more influence over younger siblings. Identification as a process of development of gender-role identities is important in the formation of other aspects of self-concept, also. We develop a sense of who we are by identifying with and differentiating from others. By showing vulnerability, you can help a relationship feel more equal and bring you closer to your family. Kids do better when they ask for help. #RandolphHarris 5 of 9
In the name of tolerance, the definition of family has been expanded beyond recognition to the point that family can be any individuals of any gender who live together with or without commitment or children. Parenting styles and socialization outcomes are a product of roles, values, norms, and beliefs that are the main cultural contents transmitted from parents to children, more or less intentionally, in congruence with general socialization goals that parents hold. Much of the child’s family socialization is of this kind. However, it is inadvertent, unintentional, and often unconsciously produced by parents. Styles of parental behavior are more likely to be relevant to this aspect of the socialization process. Families, and especially children, a sacred privilege that will teach us to become more like God. Most parents throughout the World continue to know both the importance and the joy that are attached to families. Many parents want to be a bigger influence on their children than the media and the peer group. They want their kids to be functioning members of the community, and to treat people with love and respect and be loved and respected as well. In this culture of super competitive sports and pressure to achieve, tell you children how much you enjoy him or her doing the sport they love. #RandolphHarris 6 of 9
Parental support combined with inductive or authoritative (as opposed to authoritarian) control have the most favorable socialization effects on the child, that is, development of high self-esteem, sense of competence, conscience, internalization of adult standards, and high achievement motivation. Because the family is the basic unit of society, of the economy, of our culture, and of our government, the family will also be the basic unit in the celestial kingdom. A reason for the efficacy of these parental behavior is that both modeling and identification are affected by them. The most contagious models for the child is likely to be those who are the major sources of support and control. Furthermore, a strong affective relationship between parent and child facilitates the child’s identification with the parent (and the parent’s with the child). In short, parenting styles that result in a warm, supportive, reasonably constricting family environment produce a child who is readily socialized to adult standards. On the other hand, cold, rigid, and coercively-restrictive family environments produce children who are rebellious, resentful, and insecure. Accepting responsibility and owning up to our mistakes is one of the most important things we can do with family members. It is a way to mend relationships that are problematic. #RandolphHarris 7 of 9
Sometimes it is difficult for us to tell the people we care about most how much they mean to us. Since the relationship between parent and child is highly reciprocal, parents are also affected in the process. In fact, in the initial confrontation between parent and offspring, the parent is much more influenced by the infant than vice versa. By means of the cry and the smile, infants are very effective at shaping parental behavior. Socialization into the parental role is largely a matter of on-the-job training, with the child’s responses to the parent one of the major processes involved in the role definition of parent. Family-centered perspective will make people strive to be the best parents in the World. It should give us enormous respect for our children, who truly are our spiritual siblings, and it should cause us to devote whatever time is necessary to strengthen our families. Indeed, nothings is more critically connected to happiness—both our own and that of our children—than how well we love and support one another within the family. There can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home, and every effort made to sanctify and preserve its influence is uplifting to those who toil and sacrifice for its establishment. #RandolphHarris 8 of 9
Perhaps the greatest gift we can give someone is to let him or her know how their actions affected us—how something they did made us happier, stronger, and well. Heavenly Father, please shine your light upon our family. Give us strength to overcome all of the difficulties that we are dealing with and protect us against any and all problems we may encounter in the future. Lord, please bring us together as we are meant to be. May the love that binds us only grown stronger as we fulfill the destiny you have laid out for us. Grant our family forgiveness for any sins we have committed. May we also forgive one another, Lord. Provide for all of our need and protect us from harm and evil. God, thank you for blessing us with our families, and please lead us to the perfect truth. Family will be even more important when we leave this life and enter into the spirit World. Surely the first people we will seek to find there will be father, mother, spouse, children, and siblings. God reveal yourself to us and let us come into agreement with you. Grant us compassionate hearts. #RandolphHarris 9 of 9
The Winchester Mystery House
On a spirit quest, a paranormal investigator faces some fascinating and terrifying experiences while working in The Winchester Mystery House. She gets entangled in a web of demons and evil entities she never expected. https://winchestermysteryhouse.com/
Thank you for Being my Friend
Friendships are unique relationships because we choose to enter them. When we make a person feel he or she is wanted, their entire attitude changes. The processes of socialization contain an essential contradiction. Although socialization serves to perpetuate the existing society—its ideology, roles, norms, and values—socialization also contains seeds for change. Many people think a friend is a person who is willing to take us the way we are. However, if we leave a person the way they are, we are something less than a real friend. There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of what it means to be a friend. Just as individuals may become differently socialized because of differences in the past experiences, motivations and capacities, so may they become differently socialized because of differences in the structure of the social settings in which they interact. Identifications with the socializer or the socializing group makes one more receptive to their influences and motivated to be socialized in accordance with their standards. It is in the interest of socializing agents and agencies to encourage the socializees’ identification with their socializers, and in the process, to develop identities appropriate to the group’s purpose and goals. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Our friends are important to our happiness. Situations that are occasions for socialization vary in scope and duration, from relatively trivial and fleeting encounters to totally absorbing and enduring experiences. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better well-being. Although friendships tend to change as we age, we want consistency from them. However, not all friendships last forever. The word friend is certainly misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, deficiency, and heartaches. If our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence, our friendship will be recognizable. It takes courage to be a real friend. The changes that individuals undergo as a result of social influences is relevant in organized social relationships. In this sense, there is a membership component to a sociological conception of socialization. To be socialized is to belong. All friendships should enhance our lives and teach of ways of showing people the love of God. Even if these friendships do not last forever, it is important to learn how to leave people better off for having spent time forming an emotional and psychological attachment with you. Friends are people we can talk to, enjoy, depend on, and trust. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
It takes courage to be a real friend. A process of unlearning is frequently a necessary step in the re-socialization process. That is, old identities, beliefs, and values may have to be abandoned in the process of creating a new self-concept and World view. Some of us endanger the valued classification of friend because of our unwillingness to be one under all circumstances. What is learned is not always what is taught. Fear can deprive us of friendship. The two most important elements of the internal structure of socialization contexts are the role system and the power distribution. The role system refers to the configuration of social statuses, along with the behavioral expectations, rights, and responsibilities, operating in a group. Some of us identify our closest friends are those with the courage to remain and share themselves with us under all circumstances, and everyone has a different level or power and a different position. Nonetheless, a friend is a person who will suggest and render the best for us regardless of the immediate consequences. We should also have time to devote to our friends. Sophisticated adults usually spend between 10 to 25 hours a week with friends. Because of busy life schedules, career demands, and family responsibilities, some people may or may not be able to spend that much time with their friends, even if they would like to. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Roles are part of the social fabric in peer groups and they can be relaxed, amorphous, and emergent. Roles provide one of the main contents of socialization in because they encompass specific identities, behaviors, values, and beliefs. However, even more important, roles provide a major link between the social system and the individual. Two characteristics of roles are relevant in this regard: their reciprocity and their embeddedness. Our friends have these exuberant and profound importance in helping us figure out who we are, and they sometimes help us make decisions that shape us into the people we are. We are embedded in these interpersonal relationships that become sources of our personal identity, values, and beliefs. We become committed to these roles we play with our friends because we invest so much time with them. Friends improve our daily lives by their willingness to reprimand, admonish, love, encourage, protect, and guide our needs. Our friends treat us with a noble sense, are inspirational, and courageous. They take us the way we are and leave us improved. When it comes to friends, we prioritize events that will create experiences, which will make us happiest in the moment. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Friends are relationships that we earn. After tests and trials, it is nice when we meet people who are faithful and true in all things. Some people do manage to stay friends for life, or at least a huge portion of their lives. Communication tends to be an importation aspect of the socioemotional part of friends. Hanging out with a set of good friends can be fun because you all have your own language, inside jokes, and references that only the group understands, which can be a bonding factor. As you know, communication skills and mutual understand also helps friends successfully transition through life changes that may be difficult. As we fully strive to comprehend the significance of friendship, we also try to keep our lives unspotted from the sins of the World. It is also a worthy daily goal to be a true friend to one’s self as well. And remember, if our life is of no value to our friends, it is of no value to us. That means we should only socialize with people who care about our lives and really love us and want to make sure that we stay safe. A friend in the true sense is not a person who passively nods approval. A friend is a person who cares. No greater reward can come to any of us as we serve than a sincere, “Thank you for being my friend.” #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Friends are people we want to be able to trust with our secrets, house, kids, and family. When we are weak, we are made stronger through our friendships. Friendship is real. If we can be judged by our friends, we can also be measured by their heights. A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, knowing that the gentlest hands will be there to uplift and set us right. May God help us to be friends. We need God’s friendship. He pleads for ours. God lives. He is near. God is available. God, thank you for our friends, you create beautiful friendships. Our friends are such a blessing in our lives. God, we are excited about the incredible things you are doing for us and through us each day. Thank you for shaping us, preparing us, and positioning us to fulfill our destinies. God, we pray that you will give our friends peace that surpasses comprehension and that in you will uplift each of our friends at work. God, help us to demonstrate your grace and friendliness towards the people in our lives and that we construct ourselves in Godly ways and friendly manners towards each and every one. Please strengthen our hearts, and calm the fears of all concerned, with the blessings, and your healing touch. Your Grace is sufficient for all our needs and your love for each of us the best thing in the World. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Oysters Rockefeller–Leaving the Family and getting into Adulthood
Miracles happen all around us. Our supreme focus should be on the spiritual miracles that are available to all of God’s children. However, a myth supported by most theories of pre-adult development is that at the end of adolescence you get yourself together and, as normal, mature adult, you enter into a relatively stable, integrated life pattern that can continue more or less indefinitely. This is a rather cruel illusion since it leads people in early adulthood to believe that they are, or should be, fully adult and settled, and that there are no major crises, or developmental changes ahead. Instead of this rather tranquil picture of adult development, there are several key issues that must be resolved sequentially through adulthood; one is the process of becoming one’s own person. Unless the individual goes through some level of inner turmoil and reassessment at this time, further development will not occur and overall mental health will be affected adversely. Pain is a part of the unique human experience, accepting it is a sign of maturity. In many societies, adulthood is confirmed at different stages, when individuals have exhibited various kinds of psychological and social behaviour. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Consistency and change in adulthood is dependent upon a variety of individual, social, and historical variable, in particular, health, education, and socioeconomic status. Stressful life events and adaption to them are central to socialization. Role transitions occur because of such life events, such as periods of depression, economic prosperity, war, marriage, birth of a child, and death of a loved one. For instance, during the Great Depression, people who experienced this cultural event early in their work careers were more negatively affected in the long run than were those already established. And although most members of society may shape their life courses by such social clock, it by no means determines the precise pattern of an individual’s life course. Individual sequencing that is divergent from norms, as well as historical events that upset the age-grading clock, may alter patterns either for individuals or entire age cohorts. An individual may postpone higher education to find him or herself, this deviating from both the age-grade norms and work ethic norms as well. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
Historical events, such as wars or depressions, or the construction of a sports complex in a low-income community, impinge upon the timing of life events, such as marriage, completion of education, and childbearing. For people from deprived families, changes in the family division of labour usually means getting a job which results in accelerated movement toward the adult World. Also, families who are dominated by a mother, usually makes an individual more vocationally aware and more likely to view values of job security and family life as important when they become adults. Nevertheless, although there are changes that will be difficult when an individual becomes an adult, it does not mean that the transition needs to be characterized by stress and turmoil. An individual may become a different person by virtue of changing physique, changing major social roles and changing participation. Cognitions to new situations and situational adjustments can be enjoyable. We know that buying a first house is much more than just finding a cute place and getting a decent mortgage. A whole host of factors play into this big life decision: location, interest rates, the length of time you plan to spend in the house, and the projects people will commit hours, days, and years of their life to. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Homeownership is a rite of passage most of us dream of. Many people spend years thinking about their own house and designing to make it a space that is truly theirs. Pride of ownership is a major reason why people yearn to own a house. From the landscape, type of house, curtains, appliances, furniture, paint colors, wall paper to the light fixtures, type of bathtubs and the creative uses for different spaces in the house are decorative ideas that make people happy. When it is your house, you can do what you want with the space. Not only that, but you can listen to the type of music you like, watch TV shows that bring you pleasure, and have a sense of privacy, stability, and security. It is making an investment in your future. Also, homeowners can get mortgage deductions on their tax returns. The joys of home ownership really come to life when you have a housewarming party! It is a blessing to have friends, family, and coworkers over to celebrate the house that you own. You can have food and drinks and talk about life. Staying put in one place for long periods of time also creates social benefits that range from friendships with neighbors to community involvement and consistent educational opportunities for children. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
This proves that the assumption that major life transitions must be experienced as a crisis ignores the joys of life like child birth. New born babies are a big joy for many parents. The new born child is so cute and adorable and not something everyone can have; a baby is not something you can buy at the store, they are generally a mix of you and your partner, meaning that no one else can create the same bundle of joy that you can. The scent new born baby is the best, they smell so clean, their skin is soft, and they have cute cheeks, and cut little thighs with roles, and the babies sound so gentle. All they want is to be loved, protected, and fed. As they grow, they learn different things like how to give hugs. Jillian and Justin’s son Leo is just like a bright ray of sunshine with his gold hair. He has a big bright smile and is so smart. He just turned one year old and when he is hungry, sometimes he will walk over to the pantry and start looking for something to eat. He also like to dance. When he hears classical music, he reaches out his arms like he is dancing with a girl and sways them from side to side. And then sometimes when he wants to sit on the couch, he will climb up there, but cannot sit himself up right because he is still so young and gets frustrated and it is just so adorable. Or sometimes when he wants to be held, he will cry a little so you will pick him up. These are joys that only parents will experience. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
When grown children leave home, a lot of them choose to marry, and this allows for the possibility of new roles and personal growth. When people get engaged it is usually because they are in love. They met someone who has characteristics they like and makes them happy. It is part of trusting a person. People are excited to be engaged to their best friend—it is so romantic. Love is an overwhelming emotion, as individuals are excited to see what the future holds for them. That is why engagement is one of the most precious moments in everyone’s life. It is a beautiful and priceless time, as it is a symbol of love. You have someone who will be there to laugh with you, lift you up and to love you unconditionally through your journey in life. A faithful partner will love you selflessly. Human love is a wonderful adventure. Respecting someone, as though each of you are treasures that belong to each other reminds us that the Lord, our God is with us. God sees and hears you, and will bless your marriage with radiance and happiness. When you meet your soulmate it is utter proof that your years of prayers for a great partner have not go unheard. It teaches you that preparation for a marriage is more than just rings, flower arrangements, selecting a church or rose garden. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
Love is a process that revolves around the relationship, socialization, and social change. Being engaged to be married is an in depth spiritual process. You will know that God is at the center of our relationship. Finding someone you can spend your life with is truly a miracle. God said, “For I am God, and I will show miracles unto all those who believe on my name.” That is why we must firmly center our faith on God the Father and his holy plan. Faith in God allows us to understand and accept God’s will for eternity. Being a child of God is a miracle. Receiving a body in his image and likeness is a miracle. The gift of life is a miracle. The potential for eternal life is a miracle. While it is good to pray for and work for physical protection and healing during our mortal existence, our supreme focus should be on the spiritual miracles that are available to all of God’s children. No matter our ethnicity, no matter our nationality, no matter what we have done, if we repent, no matter what may have been done to us—all of us have equal access to these miracles. We are living miracles, and more miracles are ahead. Such a process is credited with bringing about social change over generations and redefinition of our roles over time. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
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A young father was taking a journey to Emigrant Lake, which was aptly named for the majestic pine covered mountains. The sky was blue, filled with puffy cumulus clouds, emanating beauty and serenity. As the blue light was scattered in all directions by the tiny molecules of air in Earth’s atmosphere, he noticed the little brown song sparrows singing a very sweet song in the early morning. The song sounded as if set to the lyrics, “Beautiful Day! Beautiful Day! Would you like to come and play! Beautiful Day! Beautiful Day!” As the young man was enjoying the panoramic views, lush greenery, running streams, and mild temperature, there was a loud rush of the wind through the branches. He gazed at the impression rock formations, and mountain meadows. When he looked up, he noticed peaks surrounding Emigrant Lake, including Melissa Coray Peak, which was named for a Pioneer woman who walked 2,000 miles to reach the west, he also noticed Covered Wagon Peak that still held patches of snow. He took a good rest, and took some time to think about how modern industrial society is so complex, differentiated, and rapidly changing, compared to the tall pine trees and glistening lake sparkling and shining with light. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
The glistening surface of the lake was especially beautiful in the morning. The father thought to himself that he wanted his children to experience the rustic country atmosphere, as it had a refined elegance, and sweet air. He thought about how when his children grow up they will have to understand and perform many more roles than people in less complex societies. And he wanted them to develop a love for the natural World beyond. Respectable scientists—doctors, psychiatrists, educationalists, sociologist—suggest that when kids stop going out into the natural World to play, it can affect not just their development as individuals, but society as a whole. He thought about how he used to take his kids to Robert’s Park in Oakland, California to hike, climb trees, build dens, collect birds’ eggs, identify frogs, and take a gander at deer. The kids were thrilled, but also a little intimidated because it was not the concrete jungle that they were used to. The father thought about how individuals simply cannot become prepared in childhood for all the tasks and roles they will encounter as adults, but he was also concerned about the role definitions, how they are in flux, and about how new roles emerge frequently. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
As you know, role acquisition is tied to role conflict and role transition. In most situations, but particularly conflicting ones, internal as well as external stimuli affect the way persons learn presented roles. The demand of self may be as important, if not more so, than demands of other persons or society. Sometimes an incessant stream of self-reference flows through our thoughts concerning which we usually have no inkling. It may seem as if we are forced to compare with our own person all that we hear about strangers, as if our personal complexes become stirred up by associations from without. It seems impossible that this should be an individual peculiarity of our own person; it must, on the contrary, point to the way we grasp outside matters in general. We have reasons to assume that other individuals meet with experiences quite similar to ours. There may be small but incremental shifts from time to time in what an individual asks of oneself, and the resultant day-to-day alterations in one’s behavior, rewarded by oneself, lead to a cumulative change which over the years makes one much different from what one was when one was younger…until one day the individual finds how the change occurred. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
One outcome of such self-initiated processes of change is that an individual may redefine a role in a unique way. For instance, I admire my grandfather, he was very professional, obeyed the law, was organized, peaceful, responsible, private, clean, neat, not very social, kind, firm, and successful. He was not loud, nor emotional, did not drink nor swear and his house was always spotless and fresh. He did not like a lot of people around and did not want many children. And that is how I want my life to be as well. I want to live in a community of professionals, where people are respectful and quiet and obey the laws. There are several stages in role acquisition: anticipatory socialization, formal socialization, informal socialization, and personal role expectations. After the role incumbent has anticipated and experienced the role, then he or she may begin to redefine it and develop personally tailored role expectations. Thus, role demands that culminate in changes in the self may emanate from within the self, from others encountered in face-to-face situations, or from socially defined norms. While it is likely that demands from these different sources may be related, they are often incongruent. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Since role change continues throughout the course of the life cycle, the acquisition of new roles and loss of old ones has been a theoretical concern. The discontinuity involved in major role transition may be psychologically stressful. At times we may feel as if we are drowning in life. We live in a World full of hustle and bustle, and if we are not careful, the things of this World can drown out the things of the Spirit. The level of stress depends on the nature of the role abandoned or acquired. There are also institutionalized rites of passage that smooth the transition to new roles. An answer comes when we recognize the divine source of strength. It is a source often underestimated, yet it can be used daily to lighten our load and guide our precious children. That source is the guiding gift of the Holy Ghost. We learn about and make a covenant with God. Those we love support us and we pray and come out feeling of great joy. And the gift of God will guide us constantly as we live for that blessing. However, role discontinuity can be stressful. Role conflict implies conflicting demands at one point in time, whereas role discontinuity role discontinuity refers to a contradiction between demands of a new and an old role. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
It is this contradiction in role demands that is presumed to be problematic for the individual, both in terms of confronting him or her with a potentially traumatic situation and in terms of rendering the task of learning and adjusting to new roles more difficulty. Children have a natural desire to do good and to be good. We can sense their innocence, their purity. They also have a great sensitivity. We should teach our children spiritual education in the home, where spiritual principles can form the basis for daily living. Feeling and recognizing the Spirit will being spiritual capacity into our children’s lives, and the voice they come to know will become crystal clear. As we gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, our confidence in the impressions we feel can become more certain than our dependence on what we see or hear. We must live for the guiding gift of the Spirit. This gift will continue to lighten the weight we carry and lead us back to our Heavenly home,as long as we live for and follow God’s prompting. Immersing ourselves and families in the Spirit will keep our hearts and our children’s hearts open to God’s influence, love, compassion, and understanding. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Craving for the Titillating and Juicy Stories
It is not polite to be too attentive to other people’s business, under some circumstances the members of actor’s group may define too great an interest in the behavior of out-group members as a form of treason. The Bible explains that we should not meddle in other people’s business, but we should worry about our own affairs. Do not put your input into matters that do not concern you, it only creates more problems. Many people want to know your business not to help, but just to know it and have something to gossip about. However, when are minds are set on God, we do not have time to meddle in another person’s situations. “Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before,” 1 Thessalonians 4.11. We can never truly be inside of the mind of another person, nor understand what they are experiencing. Even in the interactive form there may be a reason to deceive—to protect secrets and self-image, for example. There may be things about an individual that they personally have a hard time accepting and they would rather not have their business spread all around town like the 5 O’clock news. This may cause difficulty when an individual moves into a new situation. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Not only that, when you disclose highly sensitive information about a person, they may be embarrassed to face people from their past and it could leave them vulnerable to abuse and extortion. Not only that, the information disclosed may be less than complete and “accurate” because others do not really know what they are disclosing. Privacy has been under assault for years. Far from just minding our own business, privacy is central to virtually every liberty we tend to take for granted, not the least of which is freedom. The rights in relation to a person’s seclusion and private affairs is the foundation upon which our rights exit. It is not legal nor ethical to intrude upon a person’s seclusion or solitude, or into his or her person affairs. Nor is it lawful to publicly disclose embarrassing private facts about an individual, nor publicity placing one in a false light in the public eye. Violating one’s right to privacy is not only illegal, but it is dangerous. Privacy is more than just about who is reading your electronic mail; privacy is about who controls your life. Everything we consider personal and intimate concerns, from doctor-patient confidentiality to discussions with our spouse are functions of privacy. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
Erosion of privacy affects not only what information is available to self-interested parties, but the decisions one can make without the coercive influence of those same parties. People will sometimes shamelessly hijack one’s personal information, and these self-declared advocates just into someone’s personal life only in part for their concern, not for one’s well being, but more to satisfy their own personal convictions. During the vilification, slander, and violation of personal information the target may get attacked, receive death threats because of the sheering willing of these parties and of the government to set aside the constitution in pursuit of their own agendas. At stake is not only the right to be left alone, but the right to make fundamental decisions that have a bearing on the quality of life without interference or intrusion. At issue as well is the point at which decision may be arbitrarily made for the “common good” and whose interests are being served. And it is abundantly clear that experimenting on someone and exposing them to things you know are poisonous is torture. Not only that, but enforcing the beliefs of special interest groups over an individual is stripping that individual of their humanity, and is called oppression—the very thing countries have one to war over on numerous occasions. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Embedded within American society is the belief that independence and individualism are virtues. There is a high value places in the right to privacy and a fear that, be invading the privacy of others, our own converted privacy is lost. However, our unwillingness to speak out and become involved has covered up scandals and illegal and unethical behavior by individuals and organizations. Our silence allowed these offenses to continue unimpeded, and people have suffered as a result. There is no justice in silence, for justice cannot be served until the silence is broken. Social pressure also works against speaking out and breaking the conspiracy. Those who speak out risk being resented and derided by the people who resent having the status quo disturbed, their lives interrupted, or the need to change, even if it is for their own good, People with the courage and conviction to speak out are often not well thought of by society. However, when the conspiracy is uncovered people might be criticized for not speaking out and could also face legal consequences. If it is related to any crimes or violence, the authorities will have to take action. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Social ills, personal crises, and even petty annoyances cannot be attended to or corrected until someone stops the conspiracy of silence that enables them to continue and allows us to redirect out thoughts and actions to a more beneficial course. It is almost a tenet of faith that behavior is motivated by a desire for social approval. If deviant behavior is what is desired for social approval, the actor will play this role when it is a reference group the actor is trying to please. The sad state of ethics and virtues is not a new development. The chain of silence can only be broken if people are able to reach consensus and agree to abide by and enforce a strong moral tradition. It takes courage to stand up for one’s values and ethics. However, some people do not speak out because they relish the perceived control, power, and excitement of being able to keep someone else’s deep, dark secrets. Many people have a certain craving for the titillating and juicy stories of someone else’s pain and suffering. If others assume that the attitudes and behaviors actor uses in one role represent the essence of the person, they will expect him or her to use those attitudes and behaviors in many other instances, and actor will develop a preference for this pattern because he or she is rewarded for doing so. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Abuse is the treatment of others or self in a way that causes injury or offense. It harms the mind and the spirit and often injures the body as well. It can cause confusion, doubt, mistrust, and fear. It is a violation of the law of society and is in total opposition to the teachings of God. The Lord condemns abusive behavior. In cases like these, if people expect actor to behave in a somewhat unusual manner, actors should try to meet those expectations, if they wish reinforcement. The use of the same behaviors for many roles may result in self-reinforcement. A role merger often saves effort when many roles are to be played, it gives actor an improved basis for predicting how others will react to him or her, it permits him or her to use a set of behaviors that are particularly satisfying more frequently than would otherwise be the case, and so forth. It is designed to provide high rewards, and if there were any alternative that were particularly profitable, there would have been no innovation to begin with. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Randolph Harris II International Institute 