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That there is an Invasion of my Privates
A new high in lowness. Prejudice is a social attitude propagated among the public by exploiting class for the purpose of stigmatizing some group as inferior so that the exploitation of either the group itself or its resources or both may be justified. People are generally exploited in hard economic times or competitive economic situations or in periods of major socioeconomic change—bringing special trouble; and corporations or individuals may have profited (commercially, agriculturally, economically, legally, and so on) at the expense of an underrepresented group or individual. The structure would produce the kind of alienation from human identity (alienation of human from human) that is expressed not only in economic terms and not only among the subjugated classes. The person is also estranged from the essential source of identity and if purpose for the human species by making one concerned for their safety and unable to trust former connections or new ones, as they tend to be frustrating and unsatisfying. Scapegoating (the practice of singling out any party for unmerited negative treatment or blame) is used to explain the flow of hostility toward the underrepresented individual under conditions of economic stress. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
A wishing of misfortune upon an individual, is one step short of hating them. Ill will can manifest emotions like contempt, jealousy, envy, and schadenfreude (the emotion of taking pleasure in others’ suffering). When one is carrying ill will toward another, they may not look aggressive, but feel it and emanate it (however subtly), reducing the target to something less than human. Relative deprivation is another oppressive method used by oppressors. They make sure the person has a lack of resources to sustain the diet, lifestyle, activities and amenities that the individual is accustomed to or that is widely encouraged or approved in the society to which they belong. That makes the person not only feel alienated, but as if they not worthy because no matter what they do the individual cannot seem to advance in life. So, an individual is not only enduring poverty, but also facing social exclusions. Relative deprivation has important consequences for both behavior and attitudes, including fear, stress, political attitudes, and participation in collective action. People generally operate so as to maximize their own self-esteem. The individual’s sense of personal mastery over life circumstances is one important ingredient for the achiever. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
The sense of low self-control is generated by extensive prejudice and discrimination and is a significant element in mobility behavior. One can have control over themselves and gain empowerment by having faith in God, and putting actions behind what one believes in. Demonstrate your faith by knowing that you are a child of God and no matter what circumstances you are facing, you are still worthy of life and worthy of achieving your dreams. God will open doors and create new opportunities and you will have the strength to do what you could not always do. God will show you his favor in unusual ways. Find the dreams in your heart, and keep them in mind every day knowing that they will become a reality. Know that God will comfort your souls, and give unto you success and also those who are with you will experience success. God will grant the strength to bear afflictions, whether they be internal or social. Our souls are precious to God and many people have things in common with us and we will eventually be encouraged and empowered in society. There is a natural power that comes from being a human being. Find your voice and authority to exercise the empowerment that you naturally have. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Keep a healthy attitude about life so that you have the requisite competence and clarity to make successful decisions. As we exercise our faith in God, he will lift us up and carry us through all our trials and, ultimately, save us in the celestial kingdom. Do not be sidetracked from achieving your new goals. Harness your faith in God and adopt a healthy lifestyle. The human mind is an exception to otherwise Universal natural laws, as a thing that is conscious, that is capable of good and evil, or that can be an uncaused cause of action. Humans strive to experience their desires, human freedom, and the expressions of the power of God. Patience preserves pace of the mind in the face of injury, suffering, and sadness. It prevents us from being discouraged—from losing courage. The patient person, therefore, possess a great freedom. One is free to stay in course with one’s life and fulfill one’s responsibility, even when things are difficult. Courage enables us to persist firmly against difficulties. The power of the subconscious mind, when it becomes aware of one’s goal, it provides the means to reject a particular characteristic or adopt it, if it is consistent with our goal attainment. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Our natural drive to achieve, along with our urge to move forward and be out front on the issues, tends to appeal to those who are leaders and bearing responsibility for their own visions, goals, objectives, and expected outcomes. Have a willing commitment, communicate with confidence, courage, and obvious intelligence characterized by determination and resilience. People are born with traits that can be cultivated in the direction of leadership. However, there is no doubt that leadership can be cultivated. The characteristics of leadership, necessarily has to have certain decisiveness and confidence comes from knowledge based on studies and training. The fundamental thing is your basic knowledge, the development of your mind, and your ability to apply this knowledge as you go along in life. There are no mistakes in life; there are only lessons. Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great. With internal discipline there goes together a whole set of moral traits, among others perseverance, conscientiousness, and planning one’s actions. Perseverance enables one to reflect—at length strenuously, and patiently—on some selected issues. This reflection helps to overcome discouragement, apathy, self-indulgence, or laziness. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Be mentally awake! Every work – and especially a scholarly one—calls for a rationally thought-out regularity, planned action, correctness, order and harmony, to avoid sliding into chaos. Exactness and conscientiousness is important so one can finish all details without leaving any gaps or bundling, and as such is the opposite of superficiality. Dear God, thank you for all of our blessings and help us to welcome challenges in our lives. Please give us the strength to persevere in them. When we are feeling weak, tired or discouraged, please help us to remember we depend on you, God. God, also please bless this great nation, for its people and government as well. Bless humanity and the beautiful creatures and environment you have created. May we take better care of ourselves and our planet. We ask for forgiveness for any disobedience, laziness of spirit and lack of faith. God remembers the dreams he placed in our heart. Get your passion back and know that things will work out to your favor. God is going to finish what he started. Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
The Unconscious Does Not Lie
Particular attention has been directed toward determining the consequences of various types of communication on the attitudes of those receiving messages since social psychology has begun to treat attitudes as dependent variables. For some, powerful propaganda is seen as having the capability of molding opinion. An interpretive problem was introduced by a significant number of studies reporting that some subjects changed toward the position advocated while other subjects altered their attitudinal positions in the opposite direction. There is no question, according to the theory of social judgment, that after engaging in certain actions we may behave in a certain fashion, the behavior is a part of the totality upon which we can reflect. For example, a prospective patient, who had corresponded with me relative to treatment, finally wrote for an appointment for a certain day. Instead of keeping his appointment, he sent regrets which began as follows: “Owing to foreseen circumstances, I am unable to keep my appointment.” He naturally meant to write unforeseen. He finally came to me months later, and in the course of the analysis, I discovered that my suspicious at the time were justified; there were no unforeseen circumstances to prevent his coming at that time; he was advised not to come to me. The unconscious does not lie. #RandolphHarris 1 of 9
Attitudes are constantly shifting and changing as people interact with the attitude object and with their social environment. Attitudes flow from social interaction and evolve in the course of it. In turn, attitudes feed into social interaction and help to guide the interaction process. Attitudes are links between individuals and the various collectivities to which they belong. The formation, expression, and functioning of attitudes simultaneously represents both individual and collective process. The suppression and inversion of affects is useful even in social life. If I am conversing with a person to whom I must show consideration while I should like to address him or her as an enemy, it is almost more important that I should conceal the expression of my affection from that individual than that I should modify the verbal expression of my thoughts. If I address this individual in courteous terms, but accompany them by looks or gestures of hatred and disdain, the effect which I produce upon the person is not very different from what it would have been had I cast my unmitigated contempt into that individual’s face. Above all, then, the censorship bids me suppress my affects, and if I am a master of the art of dissimulation I can hypocritically display the opposite affect—smiling where I should like to be angry, and pretending affection where I should like to destroy. #RandolphHarris 2 of 9
Attitude-behavior relations can be distinguished from most other formulations in terms of the attention one devotes to the concept of action. Behaviors differ in the degree to which they have the character of action. Action is overt behavior that produced some change for the actor. The more public, irreversible, active, and committing the behavior is, the greater the change in produces in the environment and the more real-life consequences it has for the actor. An elderly gentleman was awakened at night by his wife, who was frightened because he laughed so loudly and uncontrollably in his sleep. The man afterwards related that he had the following dream: I lay in my bed, a gentleman known to me came in, I wanted to turn on the light, but I could not; I attempted to do so repeatedly, but in vain. Thereupon my wife got out of bed, in order to help me, but she, too, was unable to manage it; being ashamed of her negligée in the presence of the gentleman, she finally gave it up and went back to her bed; all this was so comical that I had to laugh terribly. My wife said: ‘What are you laughing at, what are you laughing at?’ but I continued to laugh until I woke. The following day the man was extremely depressed, and suffered from a headache: ‘From too much laughter, which shook me up,’ he thought. It is non-trivial actions characterized by active participation, public commitment, and important real-life consequences—that I have in mind as the usual context for significant attitude change. #RandolphHarris 3 of 9
Analytically considered, the dream looks less comical. In the latent dream-thoughts the gentleman known to him came into the room is the image of death as the great unknown, which was awakened in his mind on the previous day. The old gentleman, who suffers from arteriosclerosis, had good reason to think of death on the day before the dream. The uncontrollable laughter takes the place of the weeping and sobbing at the idea that he has to die. It is the light of life that he is no longer able to turn on. This mournful thought may have associated itself with a failure to effect adult night time intimacy, which he had attempted shortly before this, and in which the assistance of his wife en neglige was of no avail; he realized that he was already on the decline. The dream-work knew how to transform the sad idea of impotence and death into a comic scene and sobbing into laughter. One point may appear obvious: some behaviors are of greater consequence than others for a range of individual dispositions, including attitudes. Nevertheless, if the impact of behavior on attitudes is to be clarified, greater conceptual attention to behavior is to required. #RandolphHarris 4 of 9
If attitudes are constantly shifting during the course of action, then the determination of the magnitude of the relationships between the attitude and behavior becomes problematic. I began the psychoanalytic treatment of a boy of fourteen who was suffering from tic convulsive, hysterical vomiting, headache, et cetera, by assuring him that after closing his eyes he would see pictures or idea would occur to him, which he was to communicate to me. He replied by describing pictures. The last impression he had received before coming to me was revived visually in his memory. He had been playing a game of checkers with his uncle, and now he saw the checkerboard before him. He commented on various positions that were favourable or unfavourable, on moves he was not safe to make. He then saw a dagger lying on the checker-board—an object belonging to his father, but which his phantasy laid on the checker-board. Then a sickle was lying on the board; a scythe was added; and finally, he saw the image of an old peasant mowing the grass in front of his father’s house far away. This attitude-action problem was very insightful. Viewing the connection between attitudes and behavior as a dynamic interactional relationship introduces vexing complexities into the design of appropriate research. #RandolphHarris 5 of 9
The boy’s conceptualizations seemed closer to reality than the linear determinism that characterizes many alternative formulations. This lead me to discover the meaning of this series of pictures. Disagreeable family circumstances had made the boy excited and nervous. Here was a case of a harsh, irascible father, who had lived unhappily with the boy’s mother, and whose educational methods consisted of reprimands; he had divorced his gentle and delicate wife, and remarried; one day he brought back to the house a young woman as the boy’s new mother. If attitudes change in the course of social action, then we should expect important social events to have an impact on the attitude distributions of those involved in such events. The illness of the four-teen-year-old boy developed a few days later after the substitute mother was brought back to the house. There is no question that the immediate changes in attitude produced by this event were large and significant. The illness was the result of the suppressed rage against his father that had combined these images into intelligible allusions. The material was furnished by a mythological reminiscence. The sickle was that with which Zeus castrated his father; the scythe and the image of the peasant represented Kronos, the violent old man who devours children, and upon whom Zeus wreaks his vengeance is so unfilial a manner. #RandolphHarris 6 of 9
Such an analysis reflects a general concern with social change at a micro- or familial level, and the use of attitudinal data in the effort to monitor or assess such change. The level of concerns shifts. The problem now becomes that of determining the interrelationships between aggregated measures of attitude and indices of the behavior of collectivities. The father’s marriage gave the boy an opportunity of returning the reproaches and punishments which the child had once heard his father utter because he played with his genitals (the draught-board; the prohibited moves; the dagger with which could kill one). Masturbation is supposed to be a sin and not to be indulged in, much like pornography. We have here long-impressed memories and their unconscious derivatives which, under the guise of meaningless pictures, have slipped into consciousness by the devious paths opened to them. However, we cannot take dreams literally in a sense that would cause of to take unlawful and adverse reactions, but they can be used as warnings to be more vigilant or show more attention and concern for others. For instance, the Roman Emperor was in the wrong in ordering one of his subjects to be executed because the latter had dreamt that he killed the Emperor. He should have first of all have endeavoured to discover the significance of the man’s dream; most probably it was not what it seemed to be. #RandolphHarris 7 of 9
And even if a dream of a different content had actually had this treacherous meaning, it would have still been well to recall the words of Plato—that the virtuous person contents oneself with dreaming of that which the wicked individual does in actual life. I am therefore of the opinion that dreams should be acquitted of evil. Whether any reality is to be attributed to the unconscious wishes, I cannot say. Reality must, of course, be denied to all transitory and intermediate thoughts. If we had before us the unconscious wishes, brought to their final and truest expressions, we should still do well to remember that psychic reality is a special form of existence which must not be confounded with material reality. It seems, therefore, unnecessary that people should refuse to accept the responsibility for the immorality of their dreams. With an appreciation of the mode of functioning of the psychic apparatus, and an insight into the relations between conscious and unconscious, all that is ethically offensive in our dream-life and the life of phantasy for the most part disappears. However, if possible, I still encourage people to try and control their impulses in their dreams because they seem so real that it is possible that one could do things they dream about in real life and discover that one is not dreaming. #RandolphHarris 8 of 9
Nonetheless, for all practical purposes in judging human character, an individual’s actions and conscious expressions of thought are in most cases sufficient. Actions, above all, deserve to be placed in the front rank; for many impulses which penetrate into consciousness are neutralized by real forces in the psychic life before they find issue in action. Indeed, the reason why they frequently do not encounter any psychic obstacle on their path is because the unconscious is certain of their meeting with resistances later. In any case, it is highly instructive to learn something of the intensively tilled soil from which our virtues proudly emerge. For the complexity of the human character, dynamically moved in all directions, very rarely accommodates itself to the arbitrament of simple alternative, as our antiquated moral philosophy would have it. “My son, do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way; for so was it prepared for them, that if they would look they might live; even so it is with us. The way is prepared, and if we will look we may live forever. And now, my son, see that you take care of these sacred things, yeah, see that you look to God and live. Go unto this people and declare the word, and be sober. My son, farewell (Alma 37.46-47).” #RandolphHarris 9 of 9
When You Write with a Wright Pen You Will Always be Right
Although it is usually difficult to find the person responsible for printers’ errors, the psychologic mechanisms underlying them are the same as in other mistakes. Typographical errors also well demonstrate the fact that people are not at all indifferent to such trivialities as mistakes, and, judging by the indignant reactions of the parties concerned, one is forced to the conclusion that mistakes are not treated by the public at large as accidents. An attitude is the disposition to behave in particular ways toward specific objects, and the degree of optimistic or pessimistic affect associated with some psychological object. Attitude can also be a predisposition to evaluate some symbol or objects, and a delimited totality of behavior with respect to something. A typesetter was imprisoned because instead of ending an article with the official formula ‘Heil Hitler,’ he inadvertently permitted a ‘t’ to attach itself to ‘Heil’ so that it read ‘Heilt Hitler,’ meaning ‘Heal Hitler’ instead of ‘Heil Hitler.’ His pleading that it was a mistake was of no avail. It seems that the Nazis who burned Dr. Freud’s works, nevertheless, recognize the truth of Dr. Freud’s teachings. This mistake plainly showed the typesetter’s view of Adolph Hitler’s personality. His mistake was unconsciously expressed his wish that the Lord may heal Hitler of his perceived tyranny. #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
Ordinarily, we should not have noticed one of the expected inevitable slips in writing. In fact, William Randolph Hearst said, “Do not be afraid to make a mistake, your readers might like it.” All writes for the press know what pits they are liable to fall into any day. Why does a mistake that glares and gibbers at you in print hide itself so successfully in the copy or the proof? How do you come to set down Rudolf when you mean Randolph? Some students of demonology believe firmly in the constant presence and maleficence of the writer’s devil. We venture to doubt the editor’s assumption of demonological influences. Examination of a great many typographical errors clearly shows that they are based on the mechanisms of a certain kind of situation. Psychologist believe that contributions of typographical and spoken errors sometimes provides evidence to support the postulated existence of stable, underlying attitudes within the individual which influences both his or her verbal expressions and actions. Adolph Hitler was the only person to hold the position of Fuhrer, which is a German word meaning leader or guide. Attitudes are alive and well and gainfully employed in the sphere of action. Despite the confusion, pessimism, and negative evidence some social psychologist refuse to give on their commitment to the belief that attitudes and behaviors must be related. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
However, even those who are nearest to the Fuhrer and constantly sing his praises to the Germans, do not really believe what they say, as shown by the wireless from Berlin to the New York Times (12 November 1936), congratulating eighteen hundred boys and girls of the Hitler Youth for taking part in the mightiest Freiheitsbewegung (movement of liberty) in German History. Rudolf Hess, the vice-leader of the Nazi party, used instead the word Freiheitsberaubung (robbery of liberty). The last word appeared in the Lokalanzeiger and caused the publishers no small amount of annoyance. Abstract statements of a highly moral content are not seldom changed erotically through a typographical mistake. Though, the correlations that do occur are large enough to indicate that important causal forces are involved, whatever one’s model of the underlying causal process may be. Evidence must conclude that attitudes and behaviors are related under a variety of conditions and over a range of substantive areas. There is something to this relationship that is sufficient to suggest the operation of causal forces. To establish a pattern or a motive, measures of attitudes that range from a single survey, personal letters, multi-item scales, field observation, task performances, archival records, and self-reports of daily activities must be analyzed. Again, interpretations often vary. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
When modest relations between variables are found repeatedly, social scientists frequently recite a litany of reasons that might explain the results. The measures of the variables are unreliable. The measures of the variables are unreliable. The measures are inappropriate or invalid. The independent variable is only one of several determinants of the dependent variable. If time elapses between the measurement of the independent and dependent variable, other variables intervene to mask the relationship or alter the variables under investigation. In one way or another, social psychologist have involved all of the above explanations for their findings regarding the relationship between attitude measures and behavioral criteria. A woman wrote to her sister, felicitating her on the occasion taking possession of a new spacious residence. A friend who was present noticed that the writer put the wrong address on the letter, and what was still more remarkable was the fact that she did not address it to the previous residence, but to one long ago given up, but which her sister had occupied when she first married. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
When the friend called her attention to the incorrect address, the writer remarked, “You are right; but what in the World made me do this?”, to which her friend replied: “Perhaps you begrudge her the nice big apartment into which she has just moved because you yourself are cramped for space, and for that reason you put her back into her first residence, where she was no better off than yourself.” “Of course, I begrudge her new apartment,” she honestly admitted. As an afterthought she added, “It is a pity that one is so mean in such matters.” The growth of the mind is the widening of consciousness and each step forward has been a most painful and laborious achievement. If anyone should be inclined to overrate the state of our present knowledge of mental life, all that would be needed to force one to assume a modest attitude would be to remind one of the function of memory. Ego development inevitably entails the rejection of some parts of the person that are threatening a relatively painless experience of living. The unconscious mind often represents the individual’s discordant desires, instincts, or shortcomings. Because the conscious ego can only know itself, the contents of the Persona and the hidden messages reside in the unconscious. Father in Heaven, may we all learn to love unconditionally and treat each other with respect and workout or own problems instead of taking them out on innocent beings. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
I Don’t Want it!
A variety of interpersonal and intrapersonal processes lead people to underestimate the degree to which the personality of others is in varying degrees from one relationship to another. They also help to explain why outsiders often misjudge the character of a relationship. Not only are many facets of a relationship shrouded in privacy, but an outsider’s view is greatly colored by his or her relationship with each partner. The partners are different persons to some extent when interacting with the outside observer than they are when interacting with each other. Also, each partner’s assessment of a relationship, like its form, is unique, dependent as it is on the distinctive characteristics of the persons involved and the history of the relationship. Relationships are occurring at two levels, the cognitive and the emotional. People may experience a variety of feelings and engage in particular behaviors they feel belong with a specific type of relationship. Their responses reflect individual differences in personality, including their responses reflect individual differences in personality. They also reflect shared cultural and subcultural definitions of the appropriate feelings and behavior of person who are linked in a particular relationship, as friends, as lovers, as parents and child, and so forth. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Attractions appears to be augmented by both unpleasant as well as pleasant experiences. Emotional arousal whatever its source, optimistic or pessimistic, maybe experienced as attraction or love and is likely to happen because of the existence of an ideology in Western culture that suggests how persons in the early phase of a heterosexual relationship are supposed to feel. These ideas about how a person should feel and behave when in love are reflected in popular songs and literature throughout the Western World. I have often wondered because of the media, do people actually understand their own emotions, feelings, attitudes, and beliefs, or are the just being programmed by the media and do not understand it? “I want all my clothes designer, I want someone else to buy them. If I can’t get it right now, I don’t want it. Give me all of your attention, give me Summer in the Hamptons. If I cannot get it right now, I don’t want it,” are the lyrics of a song by Kim Petras called I Don’t Want it at All. The lyrics are significant because it shows the attitude of many youth and adults today. They want fancy things and your love, but are not willing to work for it or wait. Society has become increasingly materialistic and focuses on products and instant gratification. After all, people are willing to spend ten hours waiting in line to buy a $1,000.00 phone just because it is new. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
We are raising a bunch of Machiavellian persons, and they consider their goals to be of prime importance. The more extreme the Machiavellianism, the greater harm the person will be ready to indirectly (or perhaps directly) inflict on others to achieve their own goals. If parents were serious about helping their children retire in the future, that $1,000.00 could be put in a wealth account, and at a 6 percent a year interest rate over 65 years, it would produce $44,145 in tax-deferred savings. That is enough for a retired person to live on for a year. Also, the existence of a wealth account from birth would encourage more saving. Delaying gratification and spending can be beneficial. And if parents or grandparents invested $20 more a month, for twenty years, when the child retired that account would be worth over $240,000.00. It requires mindful planning and self-reflection to accomplish bliss within your life. When people go to work they goal is to create more freedom and happiness. The Holy Spirit works sanctification in our mind and soul in the present, and our Heavenly Father will align our minds with our spirits, so we are happier. The more we align our thoughts, will, and emotions with our flesh, instant gratification, and materialism, the less joy we experience. We must renew our minds daily in order to align our thoughts, will, and emotions with the Holy Spirit. And we are happiest when that worthy purpose is the kingdom of God. Labor much in the spirit, wrestle with God in mighty prayers, that he will pour out his Spirit upon you. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Attraction can be explained in some part based on what is generally acceptable or thought of as normal. Love occurs as a rule in heterosexual relationships rather than in same sexed ones because of our culture encourages the labeling of states of arousal and consequently the experiencing of emotions in the form of love. The development of identity interdependence, along with sexual exploration and other activities typical of courtship, leads to both pleasurable and, at times, uncomfortable states of arousal. The heightened expectations concerning these matters fostered by romanticism, and the uncertainty of their realization, may explain why the intensity of feeling during this early phase of the initiation and consolidation of a relationship is followed by a more placid phase where uncertainty and unevenness in the rewarding quality of experience are replaced by certainty and routine, and the feeling between partners become more like those identified as companionate love. Companionate love is a kind of bond that is characterized by a deep commitment to one another, such as in a long-term marriage where the passion has left but not the deep affection for one another. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
The intensity of feeling characteristic of romantic love or passionate love does appear to recur, either where the situation is heavily laden with supporting cues and definitions, for example, a second honeymoon, or during periods of heightened physiological arousal. A variety of interpersonal and intrapersonal processes lead people to underestimate the degree to which the personality of others is in varying degrees different from one relationship to another. They also help to explain why outsiders often misjudge the character of a relationship. Not only are many facets of a relationship shrouded in privacy, but an outsider’s view is greatly colored by his or her relationship with each partner. The partners are different persons to some extent when interacting with the outside observer than they are when interacting with each other. And that is why married men are sometimes deemed more attractive than single men. Not only are they stable, but outsiders see how nice they are to their wife and children and it paints a picture that makes a man look monogamous and stable and that is what people look for in a mate. Whereas, single people seemed to be influenced by popular culture and are just looking for instant gratification and materialism. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Commitment can be both viewed as a process and a state of mind. Perhaps because homosexuality is not seen as something desired by parents, many children repress their true feelings and marry the opposite gender because they feel it is the right thing to do. Not that I question Kevin’s sexuality on the situational comedy This is Us, but he was not ready to settle down with his girlfriend because he was not really happy with his life and he forced himself to go buy her three engagement rings, and showed up at her door step, but ended up tell her that he saw nothing but misery in their future because he was not happy with his personal life and did not want to be forced into a marriage, but would marry her if that is what she wanted. That just might explain why companionate love is what happens to most people after years of marriage. They just stick together because it is comfortable and they are committed to each other. Also, because opposite sex couples are deemed as more normal, it could by why homosexual tend to display characteristics that are not in alignment with their gender roles. Perhaps they assume they need to emulate a different gender role to be homosexual. For instance, most gay men are very flamboyant and call each other girl. Whereas a lot of gay women tend to be masculine. Acts of commitment not only increase outcomes and resulting attraction, but are also inherent in the development of power within a relationship. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
A Performance Expectation–Live a Great Story!
Fifteen minutes a day, for one year adds up to over ninety-one hours. Lord, it is good for us to be here. It is good for all of us to have been here. We pray that the same sweet spirit which has prevailed will continue with us, and that our record of prowess and skill are forever safe, as the group is task-oriented, patient, caring, thoughtful, and good at listening. In the interior of our consciousness, each of us has a private hall of fame reserved exclusively for the real leaders who have influenced the direction of our lives. This means that the members envision future events or states of the World that their present activities may help bring about or prevent, and they define some possible future events or states of the World as success and others as failure. We need not assume they know exactly what constitutes success, merely that they assume that when the time arrives they will know whether they have succeeded or not and that their present activities are related to the future outcome. The leader whom we admit into this private sanctuary of our reflective experience is usually those who set our hearts afire with devotion to the truth, who makes obedience to duty seem the essence of humanity, who transforms some ordinary routine occurrence so that it becomes extra ordinary and we see the person we aspire to be. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
The group task is at least partially intrasystemic. This means that the standards for evaluating success or failure are developed within the group rather than being imposed from the outside. An ambiguous task (for example, writing a story to accompany a picture) is one case of an intrasystemic task, but even tasks for which there are clear objective standards may be intrasystemic, if the group is able to redefine the meaning of a particular outcome or the importance of the task (“he has a bad day,” “we really care about that after all”). The crucial point is that the rules for evaluating a task outcome are developed by the same persons who are part of the power and prestige structure. Adam, the first man to live upon the Earth is worthy of being in our personal Hall of Fame. Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord. Adam qualifies. We want to be right for God. It is important to be virtuous and there are terrifying consequences for the alternative. It helps if we have a big imagination and can see further than the present moment, which means we have to have a clear sense of the consequences of our actions, even when we think no one is watching. The Church always preaches about God is coming, and what if you are in sin at the exact moment he arrives? That is a horrifying thought. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
The group members are collectively oriented. This has two components: one, that the group members are interdependent, that is, they need to take into account other member’s acts; and two, that it is legitimate to seek and give advice, to be influenced by or attempt to influence others. The term collective orientation as used here does not precisely mean cooperative orientation (all goals shared so that something that rewards one group member rewards all). People could have a collective orientation in some cases of competition; in fact, there are competitive elements in face-to-face groups, especially the competition for time and attention imposed by the necessity to limit talking to one person at a time. Because of time constraints and the unknown time when God will return to Earth, many people do not want the moment of sin and the moment of reckoning to be the same. What if the Rapture comes and you are left behind? The Lord has commanded us to live by his convents, and he shall prepare a way for us that we may accomplish them. Negative reactions often lead to disagreements, but not always, for groups sometimes try to avoid having to resolve conflict and simply ignore or redefine the issue. Influence is defined as the direction of the resolution of a disagreement; the person whose idea is accepted is said to have influenced the one who accepts it. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
People with the greatest desire to succeed will stand a greater chance of reaching his or her goal. The term influence is not synonymous with control; a person whose performance output is accepted without challenge has obviously exercised control over the group, but since there was no disagreement, influence has not occurred. In determined people, we can see the difference between knowing and doing. Those who really desire to reach their goals will do whatever they must do in order to achieve them. Let us not just talk about what we want to be. Let us not just dream about what we want to be. Take action to reach your goals, you may have to work harder than you ever have worked before in your entire life. God wants us to tell him, with all honesty, that we have worked harder than anyone else we know. That we have tried as hard as we can to live right, do good, and succeed. This desire should be enough to help us to improve a little or greatly. God sees everything, so we cannot lie to him. He knows what we are doing at all times. In whatever we want to improve upon, whether if it is a project at work, school work, or studying the scriptures, just give it a little extra time—every day. Even if it is just an extra fifteen minutes. Remember how well-spent time can add up. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
A performance expectation is a prediction about the quality of a performance output of a group member. Do not quit. We are all going to have hardships and setbacks. However, our Heavenly Father will not give us a hardship that we cannot overcome. An individual may hold a performance output of a group member. An individual may hold a performance expectation for his or her own behavior (a self-expectation) and/or the behavior of another (other-expectation). The value of an expectation is defined as high (prediction that the performance output will move the group toward success on its goal) or low (prediction that the act will move the group toward failure on its goal). As children of our Father in Heaven, we can have setbacks of sin. However, we must never quit or give up faith. Heavenly Father has provided a way to overcome spiritual setbacks through the great gift of repentance. God truly loves us and wants to forgive us. All we have to do is to go through the process of repentance, and we will triumph over our transgressions. It is important for us to set our goals very high, for if we do this, our intermediate goals will be easier to reach. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Let us not settle for mediocrity. We should always try our best. The concept of expectations is basic in sociology, and its use as a fundamental building block of theory marks expectation states as distinctively sociological. Let us decide now what type of person we want to be, and when a difficult situation comes along we will be prepared to pass the test. Performance expectations are predictions of quality only, rather than including predictions about for or content of behavior. We must keep a proper perspective on our goals. Let us never lose sight of God and his words of wisdom in pursuing our temporal ambitions. We have signs enough that there is a God. There are testimonies from men and women of the church, and also all the holy prophets. There are the scriptures laid before us, and all things denote there is a God, right? Even the Earth, and all the things that upon the face of it, right? And the motions, yeah, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator. People know in their hearts that there is a God and they will testify that God exists. Dear God in Heaven, please bring your Kingdom to Earth and help heal our unobservable mental and physical states, and bless our dreams and goals so that they may come true. Thank you. The National Anthem is a song sung to God, and it is thought that his presence is near when it is sang. Therefore, to sit or kneel in the presence of God, without being told by a figure of authority, shows extreme disrespect for the Lord. After all, this is God’s House. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Listen to Many Speak to a Few
Love is one of the most powerful human impulses. We learn to love because God wants us to, as love is a power capable of uniting people. Love is an emotional experience of a variety of attempts to measure and distinguish between various kinds of beneficial sentiments. It is an appreciation of the socially desirable characteristics of another. Love is a sense of attachment to a person, the desire to draw close and be with the other; caring, concern for the welfare of the other; and intimacy, the desire for close and confidential communication with the other. When love turns to commitment, the sky becomes bluer, the days become sweeter, and most of all our respect for ourselves improves. God gives us the opportunity to show us what we love. Commitment can be viewed both as a process and as a state of mind. It involves the intention and an awareness of a moral obligation to remain in a relationship and to continue the same patterns of exchange that have come to characterize dependencies between the members of a pair. This involves both coming to terms with or becoming satisfied with the pattern of outcomes associated with the relationship and progressively closing off considerations of patterns of rewards that might be anticipated from alternative relationships. #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
Like self-disclosure, commitment not only increases outcomes and resulting attraction, but are also inherent in the development of power within a relationship. This helps explain why persons tend, at least in the early phase of a relationship, not to reveal a level of commitment in excess of their partner’s. To do so might not only depreciate in the eyes of the outcomes one is receiving, but, because commitment involves the giving up of potential alternatives, thus reducing a person’s power, until trust is established person are wary lest such a voluntary reduction in person invite exploitation. The more committed may be exploited, as explained by the principle of least interest. Persons with the least interest in maintaining a relationship; that is, the least committed, generally exercises the greater power. However, as you approach the area of the intimate relationship, you know who you are and what you are looking for. All you need is the willingness to look at yourself in your moments of vulnerability. By doing that you have learned that you are in good company, and that is terrifically liberating. Partners sometimes can reinforce or inflame each other’s patterns of behavior, but your differences in your visions of intimacy can help to sustain the commitment. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
These include outcomes underlying task bonds that are a product of the symbiotic relation between persons represented in the division of labor that grows up between partners carrying on joint activities; those outcomes related to person bonds experienced vicariously as a result of the merging of selves, as well as the support for the self-concept that each provides the other; outcomes related to crescive bonds. Crescive bonds address later-life relationships and develop over times. They exist when an individual feels bonded or connected to another, when no other individual can be substituted, and when the relationship is expected to be ongoing. These bonds are contingent on interaction that enhances self-esteem, and are investments that each has in a shared future, as well as in the maintenance of a jointly construction social reality of the past; the unique interdependence coupled with reciprocal incapacity that has resulted from the partner’s interlocking roles; the sense of responsibility for each other, as well as for others affected by their relationship, for example, children in a marriage; and finally, the sharing in a depth of communication and a high degree of relaxation in interaction which the security of their relation allows. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
Love plays a unique part in human life. Emotional security is one aspect that women and men want in relationships. People feel safe with partners who are emotionally available, honest, trustworthy, and authentic. It is important to also love yourself. Love for self should be so strong that one does not need to gain the acceptance of a third party by trying create a false role-identity. The situational demands and opportunities that influence role negotiations include much occurrence as those that encourage or provide an opportunity for a particular kind of role performance. These may be brief and episodic in character, as when the temporary aliment of one partner requires a more solicitous version of the friendship or marital role. It is important to make sure that our actions support our words without any need for excuses. The goal of every meaningful relationship should be to build mutual trustworthiness, not lay the basis for a double standard. When you are honest with your partner it shows that you respect them and being tactful shows that you also love them. However, being brutally honest lacks consideration for the other person’s feelings and can be downright cruel. Your mate needs to feel they can trust you without crushing their feelings. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
Being reliable is also an important aspect of commitment and trustworthiness. We all have certain responsibilities in our relationship and if we cannot follow through, it is important to explain why not. It is also important to express confidence in your mate. When we are entrusted with someone else’s feelings and they express confidence in us as a person, it makes us want to do the right thing. It means that they feel that we are trustworthy and that they can rely on us. God, hear our prayer, may we find hope in the lights we have kindled on this sacred night, hope in one another and in all who form the work of peace and justice than spans that World. In the heart of every person in this Earth burns the spark of luminous goodness in all hearts there is light. God, open our eyes that we may see the needs of others. Let us not be afraid to defend the weak because of the anger of the strong, nor afraid to defend the poor because the anger of the rich. Show us where love and hope and faith are needed, and use us to bring them to those places. And open our eyes and ears that we may this coming day be able to do some work of peace for thee. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
May Happiness Fill Your Heart Each Day
Nothing can bring more joy to life than beautifully fulfilling relationships. Once persons actually begin to interact, whether their relationship continues to develop will depend not only on the anticipated outcomes of further interaction, but on the actual outcomes that partners begin to experience as they interact. These outcomes in turn depend on the development of stable patterns of exchange, which can be conceptualized in terms of a structure of interdependence. This interdependence can be analyzed at three levels. At the first or behavioral level, structure consists of the stable patterns, routines, or combinations of behaviors that make up the day-to-day activities of the pair. The second or normative level of structure consists of the norms and shared understanding that constitute the somewhat unique role structure of the relationship. The third or personal level consists of each partner’s personality characteristics, general attitudes, and elements of self relevant to, or embedded in, the relationship. As the relationship grows and the facets of each partner’s individuality that are created in that process of growth develop, the depth of meaning, understanding and appreciation that relationships bring is almost unfathomable. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
Communication is so important because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. One person is feeling one thing and through communication, another person can find that out and feel it too. Persons do not respond only in terms of their own outcomes, but in terms of the overall pattern of outcomes, which includes those of their partners as well. This tendency is particularly strong in relationships based on attraction. Not only are the manner in which interdependence is resolved influence the exchange of outcomes between partners, the rewards and punishments, self-imposed or received from others, are affected by norms that prescribe how persons should respond in situations involving interdependence. People seem to consider emotional interdependence as a healthy feature of romantic relationships, emphasizing the necessity of being on the same wavelength. It helps partners to coordinate their behaviors and thoughts, making them able to collectively respond to situations that demand action. Additionally, it increases mutual understanding and feeling validated by the partner, promoting social cohesion, attraction, and sympathy. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Turning emotions to one another is supposed to be related to relational well-being, and more specifically to relationship satisfaction and empathic concern. Vicariously experienced outcomes also influence the ways in which persons respond to interdependency, because as a relationship develops the affective reactions of partners become increasingly salient. Partners help to maintain each other’s emotional stability, which is known to be critical for psychological well-being. It is important to focus on and honor the strengths you gain from your relationships. There are often buried treasures waiting to be acknowledged. Healthy relationships increase your sense of belonging and purpose, boosts happiness and reduce stress, and improves self-confidence and self-worth. A good partner also encourages healthy lifestyle habits, such as eating properly and getting exercise. Also, formal check-ins could strengthen the bond between partners. Weekly meetings—one to talk about household responsibilities and another dedicated to more intimate issues—may help both partners feel more validated, respected, and comfortable. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
People resolve the conflict between their own interests and that of their partner in a characteristic manner. Thus, some persons may be basically competitive, tending where possible to maximize their own gains in relation to their partners’. Others may tend toward a cooperative resolution and choose to behave in a fashion calculated to maximize joint outcomes of the partners, and still others, altruistic, and choose to coordinate their actions with those of their partners so as to maximize the outcomes. Curiosity is a vital part of any important relationship. The more you can cultivate your curiosity about other people in your life, the more you will move toward them. Curiosity will also lead you to feel more secure with the people you are close to because you will have a pretty good sense of what they are likely to think, feel, say, or do. Each relationship develops, interpersonal dispositions emerge that are distinctive to that particular relationship. These arise in part from intraindividual processes of attribution, as each reacts to the manner in which the other chooses to behave in recurring situations of interdependence, and in part from interpersonal processes of identity negotiation. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
You have probably been appreciative of the people in your life who have been curious about who you are. That is because it feels good to have someone ask you how you are doing, and know that he or she is asking a real question; that the person is curious enough and cares enough about you to want a real answer. It is a way to give of oneself and show another a deep sense of love and caring. Persons tend to infer from particular acts the existence of underlying causes or dispositions within the individual to behave in certain ways. Thus, when a person chooses to engage in an activity that is not particularly rewarding to one, but is rewarding to one’s partner, the latter is likely to infer that the person is a considerate person who generally tends to respond to the needs of others. Uplifting traditions play a significant role in leading us toward the things of the Spirit. Those that promote love for God and unity in families and among people are especially important. We are inspired by the wisdom of each person who has molded a career which properly supports one’s premier responsibility to spiritually lead one’s family when wealthy and power are more highly valued by the World. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
On the other hand, persons perceived as acting exclusively in terms of their own outcomes are labeled inconsiderate or selfish. This tendency is attributed to an underlying disposition to the partner was particularly marked where the acts of one person had negative consequences for the perceiver. As the supernal nature of our life begins to be understood and experienced, we desire nothing temporal to impede our celestial journey. Becoming more aware of oneself in relationships could help one overcome one’s challenges with intimacy. Developing your awareness about yourself in how you connect to your friends, family, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, and others is an important part of learning from one’s success. As one becomes increasingly aware of who one is in various relationships, one may see some very consistent patterns or one may notice that one has more varied relational styles depending on the person one is thinking about. Some people may be very gentle and clam in relationships with people who need one’s support. However, when such an individual is with people who are less vulnerable, he or she may lack self-confidence and it may cause an individual to become capricious. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
Conflict and negotiation in a relationship can occur at any level and generally tend to spread from one to the other as persons attempt to work out solutions to their problems of interdependence. In general, the spread is upward. Persons finding themselves at odds at the behavioral level may attempt to resolve this appeals to norms and role expectations. If they agree that following a particular rule or role prescription is appropriate in the situation, the conflict may be resolved at that level and no further negotiation becomes necessary. If there is still lack of agreement, the conflict spread to the personal or identity level where each attempt to modify the attitudes and other dispositional characteristics of the other person in a manner that will resolve the problems of interdependence at the lower levels. Thus, the husband who tends toward dominance in relations with others, including his wife, may as a result of processes of identity negotiation begin to change at the dispositional level, allowing him to feel more comfortable in a more equalitarian portrayal of the husband roles, which is reflected at the behavioral level by his assuming more of the routine household tasks. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
It is important that we make ourselves worthy of the loveliest person in all the World. We must keep ourselves worthy through all of the days of our lives. That obligation begins with absolute loyalty. Although it is reasonable to expect conflict and negotiation to spread upward from one level of interdependence to the next, both from what is known about attribution processes and the tactics of altercasting and from the fact that solutions at higher levels often provide the basis for solving problems of interdependence at lower levels, this tendency may have deleterisity of conflict is likely to increase because modification at high levels involves rewards and costs tied to central elements of identity and because the tactics employed at these levels often involve attacks on these elements. Just as identity creation is basic to the growth of a relationship, identity destruction generally accompanies its decline. There must be absolute loyalty, undeviating loyalty one to another. May flowers always line your path and Sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that is always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
Peter My Mink is Dragging on the Floor
A stunning first impression is not the same thing as love at first sight, but surely it is an invitation to consider the matter. We are drawn to people, inspired by them, and even strengthened by their examples. If first impressions are sufficiently favorable, persons will be motivated, when they begin to interact, to provide behaviors that will result in favorable outcomes to the other, and to the degree each is successful in this respect, they become progressively motivated to provide rewards that will maintain the relationship. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. One of the most important rewards that persons exchange as a relationship develops is support for each other’s view of themselves as persons, their self-concepts. How do you and I become so converted to the truth, so full of faith, so dependent on God that we are able to meet trials and even be strengthened by them? A fundamental purpose of Earth is personal growth and attainment. We will have challenges, even difficulties, where decisions of great importance must be made so that we can grow, develop, and succeed in this mortal test. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Gratefully, God’s love is perfect. God has moved so deeply in the hearts of so many. Some people regard unconditional love is something that is real, and the most real things there is. The most consistent finding in the empirical literature on attraction is that persons are attracted to others whom they perceive as accepting them as they see themselves and who allow them to behave in a self-validating manner. Thus, in the early phases of interaction, each person begins tentatively to reveal one’s self to the other. The process of self-disclosure involves first, information about the self that each feels relatively confident about and relatively certain that the other will find acceptable. We may disclose information about our intellectual aptitude, or athletic abilities to see how we relate to others. This type of comparison helps us decide whether we are superior or inferior to others. Disclosures about abilities or talents can also make us more relatable to others. For instance, 80 percent of people find faithfulness as a top attribute they find attractive about a person. A sense of humor is important and it makes people seem more intelligent. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
For long relationships, individuals tend to prefer others who are altruistic, kind, and do good deeds. Being involved in a charity is seen as a really attractive trait. Other studies have shown the people with dogs are generally more attractive also because they have a capacity to love and care for another being over a long term. We want to make ourselves open to others, through self-disclosure, but we also want to maintain a sense of privacy. If someone knows too much about you upfront, it might impede them from going further in the relationship because they see it as too much of a risk or hassle. Later in the process of self-disclosure, persons revel more intimate details about which they are less confident, hence in greater need of social validation, and which they are less certain will be regarded favorably. Revelations at this level play an important part in the process of self-creation. As a relationship develops, each person feels sufficiently secure to try out or tentatively display new elements of identity. Such displays may take the form of revealing hitherto private hopes and fears about the self, or more indirectly, of recounting to the other past or current episodes of behavior where the person behaved in a fashion viewed as confirming some nascent element of self. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Studies of the self-disclosure process generally find that, in the early part of a relationship at least, each person tends to pace the process of disclosure by revealing to the other information about the same level of intimacy. As in any other exchange, persons feel obligated to adhere to the norm of reciprocity. To the extent that one person’s revelations at progressively more intimate levels are increasingly rewarding in terms of signifying regard and trust to the other partner, the latter feels obligated to return revelations thought to be of equal rewarding value. However, disclosures that are too intimate often highlight character, personality, or other kinds of sensitivity information, thus decreasing congeniality. People who make intimate disclosures too early in relationships are often perceived as insecure, which further decreases someone’s interest in them. One time I was walking by a fancy Italian restaurant, and two guys in their forties were on what seemed to me as their first date, and one of them was telling the other guy about how painful his recovery from cancer was. The guy he was with replied, “Oh, gees,” and picked up a bread stick and ate it. He seemed rather pensive and I got the impression that it would probably be their last date. The process of self-disclosure contributes to another basic interpersonal process, the growth of trust, which in turn further facilitates more intimate disclosure. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
While there is not complete agreement on a definition of trust, a key element appears to be a sense of certainty that the trusted person will not behave at some point in the future in a way that endangers anticipated favorable outcomes of the trusting person. When first dating, you want to make an individual feel good and talk about things that make them happy. It is like you are selling yourself in a sense. People have options and they do not want to get attached to someone who might drain them of their emotional or financial resources. Each person’s revelations of progressively more intimate details concerning one’s self, and their acceptance and confirmation by the other, give assurance that any resultant vulnerability will not be exploited, either because both partners are equally vulnerable or because each perceives the exchange of progressively more intimate details as a sign of increasingly close interpersonal ties. Generally, as the details get more intimate, that means that the emotional bond in the relationship is probably increasing. So, when the relationship seems to be getting more serious, that is a good time to tell a person sensitive information about yourself that might affect them wanting to have a long-term commitment with you, and that is only fair. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
More than likely if a person cares enough and can deal with it, then they will likely continue in the relationship because they are already emotionally and somewhat financially invested. For instance, some people have commitment issues and cannot figure out whether they want to move to another part of the country or go back to school, or even just a plan to get a cup of coffee with a friend. One might be reluctant to disclose that he or she has problems making choices, from something as small as choosing what movie to see, to something more significant like signing a lease for house. The fact that persons perceive the intimacy of disclosure as indicative of attraction allows the self-disclosure process to function as a pacing device in the development of a relationship. By the depth of disclosure to another, a person may indicate one’s degree of emotional involvement in the relationship. While our emphasis so far has been on the manner in which self-disclosure allows for maintenance and creation of self-elements, an extremely important reward, self-disclosure provides each partner with information concerning other outcomes as well. Persons learn what kinds of behaviors have reward value to each other and which behaviors are costly. This information, in turn, can be used as a guide in arriving at mutually satisfying patterns of exchange that become a part of the structure of interdependence that constitutes the relationship. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
As you get to now a person who seemed to be commitment issues, you might begin to understand that person has a lot going for one’s self, and just needed to meet someone who is trustworthy. That individual might be optimistic, loving, and a sincere individual who wants to settle down. People are capable of changing, but not until they are ready to understand how things are controlling their lives. It requires both willingness and openness to new insights and new activities before one is able to take the first step in successfully challenging relationship issues. God has given us the capacity to exercise faith, that we may find peace, joy, and purpose in life. However, to employ its power, faith must be founded on something. There is no more solid foundation than faith in the love Heavenly Father has planned. Lord, make us an instrument of your peace. Grant that we may not so much seek to be loved as to love. God, who from among all your angels, chose the Archangel Gabriel to announce the mystery of the Incarnation, mercifully grant that we who solemnly remember him on Earth may feel the benefit of his patronage in Heaven, who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
First Impressions
There is nothing better than to love one another, as love is the elixir that makes the World go around. Initial attraction and the likelihood that a relationship will be formed will depend upon both individuals’ estimates concerning the value of the outcomes to be expected from the relationship, and concern the probabilities that such outcomes will be realized. Family background, values, physical attractiveness, and communication styles are just some of the factors that influence the selection of romantic relationships. These estimates, in turn, will be influenced by a number of tendencies characteristic of person perception and self-presentation, by elements in the situation that influence both, and by a number of interactional processes. People tend, where possible, to notice and distort the characteristics of others in the direction of their current motivational states. Research on perception and attention shows that we see more of what we look for; so if you are looking for signs of kindness, that is more likely to stand out to you. How one thinks about and interprets one’s partner’s actions, intentions, and words also affects how we feel and understand a situation with them, which in turn affects how we behave towards them. #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
Various pieces of information that a person receives about another do not enter equally into determining the total impression of that person. Instead, some kinds of information exert strong effects on how other information is interpreted. Placement of persons in certain social categories or statuses powerfully constrains the characteristics attributed to them by others. Early information and impression have greater effects on the perception of others than does later information. Thus, first impressions have considerable impact and, where favorable, provide a certain momentum to the development of a relationship. People respond more enthusiastically to an individual who comes across as trustworthy rather than confident. We are judging how warm and trustworthy the person is, and what their intentions towards us are. We are also looking to figure out how strong and competent this person is. Not only do persons in interaction attempt to control the kinds of information available to others, but they, as well as others in the situation, may influence the attributions that are finally arrived at. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
Everyone understand that you do not get a second chance to make that first impression count! And that first impression sticks with your love target—it is the basis for their psychological assessment of you are a potential romantic partner. Attributions, particularly unfavorable ones, frequently are challenged by the target person, and people initially attracted to another are motivated to impress the other with his or her rewarding qualities. If people are so motivated, they tend to adopt a number of self-presentation strategies or tactics of ingratiation that include, in addition to flattery, conformity in opinion, judgement, and behavior to that of the other and attributing attractive characteristics to themselves directly or indirectly. Two basic processes underlie such tactics: self-presentation and altercasting, and both of these are involved in the more general process of identity bargaining. People take notice of general levels of social sophistication and their mannerisms. Identity bargaining means in the first encounters, people attempt to present themselves as a certain kind of person and at the same time attempt to cast the other person into an identity that will fit these preferred lines of action. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
These identities presented and cast, in first encounters at least, tend to be favorable because beneficially valued identities are most acceptable and facilitative at this stage. In addition, norms of politeness and consideration that influence behavior of newly acquainted persons favor this course. People may be involved daily in round of segmental interaction without developing a personal relationship until something untoward occurs to jolt them out of their role-constrained behavior. When people are confronted with routine role behavior, they tend not to attribute underlying dispositions to others or to form impressions of what others are really like, nor does routine role behavior allow for or require the kind of interactional leeway that permits the joint creation of a personal relationship composed of two distinct identities. Relationship initiation is always to some degree a compromise made against a background of competing alternatives of varying desirability. On our first date, we met for a Mediterranean-inspired brunch, at Café Medina, which is the best date idea for someone you already kind of know. We have the best Belgian waffles, they were golden and crispy on the exterior and fully and soft on the inside. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
I was not sure if we were in a date until he offered to pay for the meal. I agreed only if I could buy us ice creams for dessert. Our brunch date turned into a day-long excursion around Vancouver, just talking and enjoying each other’s company. I was pretty enamored. The trip to Van Dusen Botanical Garden was so beautiful. Once we passed through the entrance, we were transported into a serene oasis with cool, polished marble, intricate stone pavilions, and pathways shaded by chinar, and cypress trees and flowers. It was a perfect spot for a romantic picnic. There were also vineyards, semi-desert gardens with cacti, and a water lily pond sprinkled with lotus flowers. Mountain peaks surrounded the entire site. I really enjoyed the high brick walls, which enclosed the terraced gardens, inked by a series of fountains and pools. Dear God, loving essence of all there is. Please fill us with your sacred presence. Love and Guide us to the blessings that life has to offer. Our heart is pure; our intentions are clear. Bring us love, joy, peace and prosperity to our lives. May we be embraced in a circle of love, uplifted by your grace. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
Sorry does Not Restore my Hindsight
At the beginning was the word, one who wants to make progress, even if by the smallest steps, must first liberate one’s self from the word, from the superstition of names, and from the tyranny of language. In addition, one of the important things learned in the acquisition of institutional roles is how to maintain self-esteem even under adverse organizational circumstances. Proper attitude in this crisis dominated World is a priceless possession. Never before has it been more important for all of us to move forward with pride. We may be behind, but we are not losing if we are moving in the right direction. God will not score our performances until the end of the journey. He who has made us expects us to be victorious. God stands by anxious to answer or calls for help and for us to praise and thank him. We must lead with good cheer, optimism, and courage if we are manifest the Kingdom of God. We should thank the Lord, our God, in all things with thankfulness and shall be made glorious. Thank God in all personal challenges. With God’s help, we can accomplish all things and be winners indeed in the processes of eternity. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
No one really knows a language, not even one’s native language; indeed, there is no such thing as a language. In science, it is clear that only the knowledge of the history of an idea can impart a clear conception of the true nature of that ides. Since every word has its own history, for a thorough knowledge of a language one would need to be familiar with its whole history. This is completely unknown to most people. Even the philologist’s knowledge about it is quite superficial. It is a colossal delusion to believe that language is a property of humankind and that it is something inherently rich. If language were such a thing—sort of like a tool—then with use it would deteriorate and wear out. However, language is not an object, not a property, not a tool—but a usage. Language is simply language-use. This is not a play on words, but a fact. Angelical was supposed to have been the language God used to create the World, and then used by Adam to speak with God and Angels and to name all things in existence. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Language is a truly remarkable phenomenon—arbitrary and yet systematic, obviously learned but apparently on the basis of specific innate capacities, understood by small children, but infinite in its possible variations. After his fall from Paradise, Adam lost the language of Angelical, and constructed a form of proto-Hebrew based upon his vague memory of Angelical. This explains why the more language is used, the richer and stronger it grows. If we want to start seeing the power of God manifest in our lives, we will have to start paying attention to what we say. Words have power—more than any of us may realize, but we often speak of them as though they were meaningless. Because of that, mist believers at one time or another have been hurt by something a careless whisper. Every time an individual says something that they do not really means, it begins to numb the heart. Therefore, keep it down, voices carry. Human beings attain social goals through talk. That this gets done (with errors and violations of a magnitude sufficient ordinarily only to reveal the underlying patterns) is itself remarkable. What is even more remarkable is the substantial similarity in how it gets done in what at first appear to be very different cultures and very different modes of talk. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
Language is so complex that children could not learn them if there were not genetically fitted to do so. Infants have some sort of innate capacity (sometimes called the LAD or Language Acquisition Device) which permits them to construct theories of their language on the basis of the speech data in the World around them. Children’s speech capabilities are both well developed and individually differentiated at fairly young ages (five years is frequently seen as a threshold); some investigators have therefore concluded that the LAD begins to atrophy at the point at which the fundamentals of language are mastered. Other investigators assert that language learning is a life-long process, and that adaption and modification of language is continuous. Children’s rapid acquisition of a wide range of grammatical (phonological, syntactic) skills is well documented. The parallel development of skills children acquire which allow them to use their developing linguistic skills effectively in social interaction, develop best in a World that is rich with sounds, sights, and consistent exposure to the speech and language of others. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
Face, in a certain context, is a public self-image that every member wants to claim for one’s self. Philosophers have always been interested in meaning, and have contributed to much of the conceptual apparatus used in its discussion (sense, reference, connotation, denotation, intention, intension, and so forth). Problems of meaning are not simple, and for many years linguists seemed willing to let philosopher struggles with them. Investigators who have studied conversational exchanges in English have identified and described such features of conversation, as for example, sequencing (including placement of laughter), interruptions, self- (and other) corrections, and so forth, in order to explicate such conversational accomplishments as, for example, gaining and holding the floor, telling acceptable stories, extending invitations, making social categorization, and so on. The analysis is understanding of how conversations are successfully begun, carried on, and ended in rule-governed social interaction. Language is also used as a method of social control in talk than to more visible instances of manipulative acts involving named instrumentalities. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
There are many ways of saying the same thing, depending on the age and culture of the person and also the location where what they are trying to explained happened. Some people do not always know how to accurately transform their thoughts into action, and such a mistake could get a person in a lot of trouble. Also, social control attempts are things we should pay more attention to. Some people try to manipulate the sound of words to convey a point on the sly, while others will make a statement so you can gather a social que and act in the manner they are suggesting. And Body language can be used to make statements as well. I do not think anyone would wish to deny the obvious—that we keep on learning more of our language in some sense as we get older. Language develops cognitive skills, fosters connections to international markets, preserves ancient traditions and histories, and cultivates a crucial understanding and appreciation of the World. When we can understand that culture in its language, and get a comprehensive view, we are immediately receptive to areas where conflict can be averted. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
It is important to train global citizens and global leaders to have a transcultural literacy at a deep level. For some cultures, “Cooking fish,” does not mean preparing fish that you bought from the market for a meal to consume. Language is employed as a resource in social control and on the macrolevel those who control symbol control societies through their use in cultural reproduction and therefore in continuing class dominance. The greater an individual’s context independence in speech, through greater facility in these elaborated codes, the greater an individual’s ability to disengage from the immediate and the concrete (that is, to attain cognitive detachment), and thus the greater one’s autonomy and control over access to the environment is. Controllers are also used in different mixes of control modes and discretion in accomplishing different functions. For example, if you pick a friend up and she or he lives far away and they ask can they stay the night, but you do not want them to, you might say, “When do you think you will be ready to leave?” or “You will have to walk home if you stay.” Many people speak English, but different subcultures use certain words in a context, which might make you think you need to consult an ancient scribe. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
Biblical thought and indeed the intellectual cultural traditions of most societies are communicated especially through languages. The choice and orchestration of the words provide a clue to what the meaning of the World is about. What is so perilous, then, in the fact that people speak and that their speech proliferates? Where is the danger in that? Philosophers, linguists, psychologist, and social psychologists as well, are deeply involved in questions of meaning and intent. Reading ancient text may not solve all of our problems, but it will give us a sense of whom we are talking to, of what fundamental social, cultural, and ecological realities we are facing, which we ignore at our peril. Latin, at the height of the Empire, was a sick language before it become a dead language. The cultural languages of our age are similarly sick, rotten to the core. We need to keep language strong and healthy. The languages of sophistication have all developed through metaphorization and we need to prevent them from all becoming childish as the meanings of the metaphors are forgotten. Sorry does not restore my hindsight. Now may the Lord, peace himself, give you his peace at all times and in every situation. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
Randolph Harris II International Institute 