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If a Photograph or a Diamond Ring is All You Have, it Means the World to You!
Not everyone can find the middle of a circle, but only a person who has the proper knowledge. Similarly, anyone can get angry—that is easy—or can give away money or spend it; but to do all this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way is no longer something easy that anyone can do. It is for this reason that good conduct is rare, praiseworthy, and noble. This kind of spirituality, so ordinary and close to home, is especially nourishing to the soul. Without this caring incorporated of the sacred into life, the World can become so far removed from the human situation as to be irrelevant. An appreciation for vernacular spirituality is important because without it our idealization of the holy, making it precious and too far removed from life, can actually obstruct a genuine sensitivity to what is sacred. The word mercy has fallen out of common usage in our language. It derives from the antiquated French merci, which means compassion and forbearance toward someone in one’s power. In Latin, merces signifies pay or reward, and the root merc refers to aspects of commerce. The words merchant and mercenary at first seem antithetical to mercy, and one wonders at their common root, but when we have to give help or depend on others for help, we understand why the concept of exchange underlies both usages. Mercy is based entirely on exchange. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Giving help eventually embitters us, unless we are compensated at least by appreciation; accepting help degrades us, unless we are convinced that our helpers are getting something in return. As much as we might prefer to reject this stark accounting, we discover in living through situations of dependence that good will is not enough. There is a delicate balance at the heart of mercy, showing how reciprocation replenishes both the spirit if the helper and the person who is helped. Maturing in age is one of the ways the soul nudges itself into attention to the spiritual aspect of life. The body’s changes teach us about fate, time, nature, mortality, and character. Aging forces us to decide what is important in life. However, those who depend on others for daily survival often feel their very existence is an imposition. Some people engage in a relentless pressure to please—to prove themselves worth of the burdens they impose. Many people who suffer from ailments suppress complaints and avoid asserting themselves, believing that they owe every possible accommodation to those who help them survive. Taking care of a person does not have to entail having power over major aspects of his or her life, but frailty seems to invite invasion. My father used to tell me stories about how care givers would steal my great grandmother’s jewelry, money, wedding and engagement rings, pictures of her family and even her wedding pictures. “You cannot imagine how helpless I feel,” she would tell him.” #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
So long as we still possess it, the power to carry out simple intentions is one of the many unnoticed pleasures of life. When we lose it, we see what it means to do the most ordinary things our own way. People cut off from inner thoughts and feelings, caught up in pain and suffering and loss cannot get very far when they try to understand themselves consciously. Some people make rebellious bids for control that they then keep secret from their helpers. One woman had a fall down the basement stairs and her daughter was so upset. She hired a woman to come in and do her laundry once a week, so she would never have to go down there. However, the senior citizen still when down there. He daughter did not know, and she is very careful about it. She feels like it is her house, her basement, her washing machine and her life. Submission does not come easily to people who have spent decades running their own lives. Going down those steps made that woman’s basement her own again, just as choosing to violate her daughter’s restrictions made her life her own again. Seizing freedom can be as unreasonable as it is gratifying. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
People who have had restriction places on their lives by ailments, injuries, or from aging often feel the need to do something to regain their independence as a means of reminding themselves that they are still able to exert influence over their own domain or their own body. Many people with physical limitations feel their social environment is gradually diminished until all that remains of their power resources is the humble capacity to comply. They feel that they may be required to give up their legal rights and are required to comply or approve in exchange for the room and board they can afford or for the retirement and medical benefits. The managers of their buildings often disrespect them and the analysis often harass them and no one seems to care. The seniors and disabled feel if they complain about the abusive treatment, they will lose their housing, be physically attacked, or their medical and financial benefits will be discontinued, which would mean they would not be able to afford their medication or living expenses and be left on the streets to die. Psychological symptoms, too, often manifest themselves in weight gain or loss, in allergies to various foods, or in idiosyncratic eating habits. And they become more and more isolated emotionally. When people who have disempowered relatives and they become depressed, they mistake this despondency for an accusation that they are not doing a good job. Hoping for appreciation, they instead get quietly hostile acquiescence. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Once families acknowledge the presence and important of power in situations of power in situations of dependency, they tend to have little difficulty taking stock of its distribution and beginning to remedy imbalances on either side. The belief that we do not have the ability to heal arises out of the mistaken idea that our power does the healing, or that the intellect does the healing. All that the will and the intellect could do is to behold or watch the process. The mind fixes its gaze steadfastly upon the principle and then declares that this principle is operative in human affairs, and particularly in the affairs of the one being treated. There is but one healer. This is the spirit of truth. There is but one life principle. This is God in us. There is but one final law. This is the law of good. There is but one ultimate impulsion. This impulsion is love. That which really does the healing can never fluctuate, can never change in its nature. It is not more one day and less the next. It is at this moment absolutely all thee is and it is ever available. We must forever rid ourselves of the idea that it is the personal person who does the healing. We must know that it is not us, but the Father that dwells in us, he does the works. Principle operated irrespective of personal opinion, and when through acquiescence we agree that it is operating, then it must operate. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Sure, an elderly person might not like how you just put water in the sink, swish it around with some suds and call it clean; he or she used to scrub it first with cleanser and then rinse it with disinfectant. Someone might not like how you haphazardly ruin their checkbook by just dashing off the bills, not bothering to mark down the dates, check numbers, who it was to, all that stuff. Especially sometimes when someone does not even mark down the amount of the check. Therefore, it is important to find small, but specific concessions to help meet the preferences of the elderly and disabled, which will yield large satisfactions. There is no formula for this process, but it helps to build an edifice of faith that the Lord will help make crooked paths straight. One must not only know that God is all there is, but one must know that God exists right where the need is—not in the form of the need but in the form of an answer to the need. And I can tell when, when all you have is pictures of your family, who you have never met, they mean the World to you, as well as gold and diamond trinkets. People like connections to their heritage. Grandparents get great joy of seeing pictures of their grandbabies. And child love to have pictures of their ancestors. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
What You Believe is Greater than What is in Your Bank Account
If you believe, you can fulfill your God-given destiny. There is incredible power in what we believe. There can be misperceptions about personal pain and people can have problems conveying their feelings, as they try to find a balance point in the center of chaotic emotions and unpredictable circumstances. To a greater or lesser degree, we are always dependent on others but these contacts are usually voluntary. According to our inclinations, we can approach or avoid other people. However, we can no longer get our own groceries, prepare our own meals, or take care of other necessities on our own, we enter into a period of life that is distinct from all the others. The chief consequence of dependency is that we are forced to count on the kindness of others. The vulnerability aroused by this situation awakens the basic questions of our lives: Am I worthy of love and loyalty? Are people capable of true generosity, or do they live mostly for themselves? Accident or illness can, at any moment, remove anyone’s capacity to function independently. Illness and disability can be a wasteland of degradation. We see only the loss of the freedoms and satisfactions that make life bearable, and we expect disappointing answers to these questions, which is not only a threat to spirituality as such, but also deprives the soul of valuable symbolic and reflective experience. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Sometimes people feel angry and helpless in response to dependency, making the transition from an active life to confinement, handling thoughts and reflections about the past, noticing shifts in key relationships, realizing that time it sunning out and options are shrinking, and finding ways to live well in spite of all these changes. Often times, individuals may feel so degraded by the idea of being beholden to helpers that they conceal their disabilities and risk injuring themselves in order to avoid asking for help or appearing to be in need. Through surrender or concealment, they sacrifice much of what formerly made their lives worthwhile. Illness and disability alter our lives in basic ways. As soon as our mobility becomes impaired, changes occur in our we spend our times and conduct our relationships. Self-esteem often erodes along with one’s physical capacities, and we may be further hurt with degrading reactions that others have to our frailty. Regret for wasted time and unfulfilled dreams may nag at us, causing us to question the priorities around which we had previously organized our lives. To be starved for motion and exercise is yet another depletion. Some people’s bodies hurt, and they will just not go and even going to a doctor’s appointment on somedays might be extremely difficult. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
When physical problems enclose us in daily life in which everything has been mastered and repeated, the pull to keep returning to bed becomes more and more compelling. Life starts to echo the stasis of the body. When we feel we have nothing to say, we tend to shun the company of others. With little going on in our lives beyond eating and sleeping, we fear that other people’s contrasting vitality would shame us even as it momentarily revived us. When company leaves, we expect to be left emptier for having been so briefly filled. The more dependent we are on the mercy of others, the more waiting we have to endure. Dependence and waiting eventually become synonymous. We cannot cancel arrangements to secure the necessities of life. Waiting emphasizes the inferior status of the person who is being helped. Each minute of waiting that accumulates speaks this inferiority more loudly. These disparate conditions can evoke bitterness in the most loving relationships. Anyone who has ever endured an incapacitating illness knows that the feelings evoked by days of waiting can be harder to bear than the aliment itself. We wish to be self-sustained. We somehow hate the meat which we eat, because there seems something of degrading dependence in living by it. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
The freedom to come and go as we please, the wish to be self-sustained, is as fundamental to most of us as breathing. When this part of our human endowment is frustrated, a subterranean anger is stirred. The longer an illness or incapacity lasts, the harder it becomes for us to maintain faith in our others. We begin to imagine the possibility of abandonment. Days of waiting can crack the confidence of the most secure people, given enough time and the wearing effects of doubt. In situations of dependence, we are asked to believe that we have accumulated vast stores of good will from our own acts of generosity in the past. In truth, most of us carry reservoirs of guilt from the many occasions when we failed to be as generous as we could have been. To then depend upon those whom we once disappointed opens up fears of retribution. We begin to wonder, “Is my life really worth all of this stress?” The answer lies in realms that are invisible to those who still retain control over their own progress in life. You go because you have to, because you want to be in charge of your own life. Walking can be viewed as a major metaphor, representing a continued ability to live independently, to control events, and to be active. “Otherwise, I would be sitting in the lobby straight ahead like all those other people in my building. They look like they died ten years ago. If I stayed in there, I would start looking like them.” #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Health requires this relaxation, this aimless life. This life in the present. We live too fast and coarsely, just as we eat too fast and do not know the true savor of our food. People who are able to live well in spite of illness are those who allow divine leisure to crowd their physical hardships out of center stage. Turning the nothing of empty time into the essence of good days is the alchemy of successful frailty. At first, having too much time on our hands can feel like a daily humiliation in our making so little of it. Waiting for help emphasizes all the dignities and freedoms that have been ripped away from us. Gradually, if we do not become hardened in out disappointment, we can turn the insults of illness into privileges of being. Care of the soul might include a recovery of formal religion in a way that is both intellectually and emotionally satisfying. One obvious potential source of spiritual renewal is the religious traditions in which we were brought up. Some people are fortunate in that their childhood tradition is still relevant and likely to them, but others have to search. We must be careful to avoid thinking that we are unimportant in the scheme of things. We are the most important persons living, as far as we are concerned. This is not a statement of conceit; it is a simple statement of the conviction that each one of us is rooted in the living spirit, that we have access to the mind of God and the love and the power and the peace of the spirit. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
It is a simple conviction that no matter how humble our walk in life may appear to be, it must of necessity influence its own environment. We may not be important to people, but we certainly are necessary to God. Placing our entire trust, our complete faith, our whole conviction in this simple thought, we should walk in confidence and speak our spiritual convictions with complete assurance, knowing that there is a presence and power with us and for us and operating through us—a presence and power that knows no defeat. Sometimes people prey on the sick, elderly, and vulnerable, and that can make them feel devalued. However, at the center of every person’s being there is an absolutely perfect life, a complete wholeness, and an eternal and immortal principle. Our work is to mentally uncover this ever-present reality, this changeless and eternal perfection. We must remove every obstruction of thought which denies God’s presence. Spiritual mind healing is a revelation even though we go through a process to arrive at it. Each person must work at our own method and pursue our own logic. If this method and logic lead us to the right conclusion, we will be rewarded by an affirmative answer. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
God Promises He Will Renew Your Strength
In darkness there is to be found a precious brilliance, our essential nature, distilled by depression as perhaps the greatest gift of melancholy. The one and only way to know what fear, anger, joy, or remorse is, is to actually experience those feelings. If we persist in our modern way of treating depression, as an illness to be cured only mechanically and chemically, we may lose the gifts of soul. Our identity is located deeply in the soul, rather than on the surface of personality. Identity is felt as one’s soul finding its weight and measure. Some people who are experiencing depression or sadness related to a situation that they have no way of controlling, and are not suffering from a behavioral problem or a chemical imbalance need to be careful. Recovery from depression can be a lot like recovering from a dangerous and deadly narcotic addiction. People who go into rehabilitation programs, to save their lives, from drug addiction often have to terminate relationships with the people that helped power and fuel their addiction. And after they are released from a rehabilitation program, they are most vulnerable. That is why it is advised that they stay away from their friends and family, who make hang out with people who use drugs. Even if only one or two people in the group use drugs, a recovering addict has to avoid them. #RandolphHarris 1 of 10
When a person is released from a rehabilitation program, their systems are pure and they may not be able to handle any drugs at all in their system, but may not be aware and could die much easier from an overdose. Correspondingly, people who are suffering from a situation they find intolerable and it has been going on a long time, and there is nothing the individual can do to change their circumstances, they have to do whatever they can to avoid the people who intentionally harassing them and using them as a source pleasure by humiliating them and reminding them of painful aspects of their lives and doing things to hurt that individual to make themselves feel better. People like that are wicked, and beyond help. Recovering from trauma is a lot like recovering from a drug addiction, in that sense. You have to stay away from the group, even if there is only one bad person in the group because depression can lead to suicide, and you have endured so much that you may not know how much more you can take before you end your own life. A sad or depressed mood is just part of the soul’s cycle. The depressed person sometimes thins that the good times are all past, that there is nothing left for the present or the future. #RandolphHarris 2 of 10
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but sometimes the problem seems to be permanent. At the clinic, the patient states that he or she feels young and wants to live; and claims that one had no serious intention of killing oneself, but was only singing the lyrics of an operetta. One admits that, in retrospect, one might have been a little careless in showing oneself in a theater loge in the company of. Therefore, it is important to save yourself from this temporary problem, before you do something you may not be able to recovery from. These thoughts and feelings, sad as they are, favor the soul’s desire to be both in time and in eternity. Sometimes we associate depression with literal aging. Having been identified with youth, the soul now takes on important qualities of age that are beneficial and helpful. If age is denied, soul becomes lost in an inappropriate clinging to youth. However, there are also people who are mature, but have not been able to grow and experience adult life as they would like to, and that can also make them sad. It is like one has been promised straight whiskey, but fearing that one is being fed weak tea. Not everyone is clinging to youth, some people are trying to grow beyond their life circumstances. #RandolphHarris 3 of 10
It would be wrong to believe that all the foul deeds in this World are caused by corruption, as if baseness operated automatically with the insertion of a coin. There are people who gladly place the misuse of their knowledge and skills at the disposal of the ruling classes, in the expectation that they will be rewarded by positions, titles, medals, and riches. As we age, we get a sense of having lived through something, of being older and wiser. We know that life is suffering, and that knowledge makes a difference. Your life may not matter to others, it may be a joke to them, but that life is precious, it is all you have. One cannot enjoy the bouncy, carefree innocence of youth any longer, and there is a pleasure in a new feeling of self-acceptance and self-knowledge. Our age and maturity is a measure of nobility. Scholars can become easily depressed and have to find ways to counter their dark moods. However, there are also dangers of living without study and speculation, and without reflection on our lives. Some detest psychiatry because it feeds the individual’s hunger for power, and because, like journalism, it carries within itself vast potentialities for its abuse. The psychiatrist, whose capacity for well-considered action and hence one’s talent for corruptibility some consider slight, as essentially feebleminded. #RandolphHarris 4 of 10
The genius of insanity is thus opposed by the feeblemindedness of psychiatry. This psychiatric stupidity often turns into malice and even a maniacal desire to persecute. However, what is scary to people who do not believe in God is that there is a being, there is something, there is a force vastly more powerful than human beings. Do not allow people to box you in and make you feel that you make never break free of the chain that you are bound by. They do not know what God has planned for your life. If you allow depression to visit, you will feel the change in your body, in your muscles, and on your face—some relief from the burden of youthful enthusiasm and the unbearable lightness of being. Aging brings out the flavors of a personality. The individual emerges over time, the way fruit matures and ripens. Depression, aging, and individuality all go together: the sadness of growing old is part of becoming an individual. Melancholy thoughts carve out an interior space where wisdom can take up residence. As we age, our ideas, formerly light, rambling, and unrelated to each other, become more densely gathered into values and a philosophy, giving our lives substance and firmness. #RandolphHarris 5 of 10
A journalist is a person without any ideas but with an ability to express them; a writer whose skill is improved by a deadline: the more time they have, the worse the write. Depression is sometimes described as a condition in which there are no idea—nothing to hang on to. However, maybe we have to broaden our vision and see that feelings of emptiness, the loss of familiar understandings and structures in life, and the vanishing of enthusiasm, even though they seem negative, are elements that can be appropriate and used to give life fresh imagination. We can initiate a new creative series by the definite and deliberate contemplation of our own minds, and out of the new thoughts will some new things, for the law is a reflector only. We shall discover that the very law that bound us will now free us; the power that seemed to stifle us will bring emancipation. The very power which appeared to produce evil will produce the opposite if, as, and when we change our thought patterns. The changing of these thought patterns is more than a thing of the intellect; it is also a thing of feeling, of a deep, inner conviction. We must feel that we are one with the eternal reality, and that our word is spoke in complete reliance on it; therefore it cannot fail. #RandolphHarris 6 of 10
Sometimes, of course, depression, like any emotion, can go beyond ordinary limits, becoming a completely debilitating illness. However, in extreme cases, too, even in the midst of strong treatments, we can still look at the core of depression and find ways to overcome it. One of the greatest stressors associated with depression is that it will never end, that life will never be joyful and active. This is one of the feelings that is part of the pattern—the sense of being trapped, forever to be held in the remote of a labyrinth of haunts. One may feel constrained, with nowhere to go. This stress seems to decrease when we stop fighting it. We must get control of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Gradually, as we re-form our thoughts they will become subjective; they will sink into that place in mind which is the power within us and which must constitute the meeting place between the absolute cause and the relative effect which it projects. It may take time to do this, but think of the reward, the gift, the outcome. Keeping the goal in mind, refusing to be baffled or defeated, with uplifted thought and calm but definite purpose, we cannot fail. This is a starting point for a more grounded, open-ended kind of knowledge that never closes up in fixed opinions. #RandolphHarris 7 of 10
The emptiness and dissolution of meaning that are often present in depression show how attached we can become to our ways of understanding and explaining our lives. Often our personal philosophies and our values seem to be all too neatly wrapped, leaving little room for mystery. Depression comes along then and opens up a hole. Depression makes holes in our theories and assumptions, but even this painful process can be honored as a necessary and valuable source of healing. At first, we are prone to treat everything and everyone around us, in an attempt to influence our environment and other people, and to exercise control over things to our own liking. Most of us pass through this phase. As we progress in this science we come to realize that the aim of scientific treatment is not control of people and things. We treat ourselves, our own mind, our own consciousnesses, no matter what the desired end may be, and gradually we learn to include a larger and a more harmonious field of action. We learn that when we get our own consciousness straightened out, things in our external World adjust themselves to meet our new and better inward awareness. The final mystery is oneself. #RandolphHarris 8 of 10
Depression’s devaluation of human life, shows that cold remorse and self-judgment do not have to be seen as clinical syndromes, but as a necessary humility in human life that actually accomplishes something for the soul. We know who we are because we have uncovered the stuff of which we are made. It has been sifted out by depressive thought, reduced, in the chemical sense, to essence. Months or years focused on God and his love and healing power has allowed us to understand that everything bends back upon itself, even time, space, and light. This is divine intuition that teaches that everything which goes out will come back again. “All of you that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for you may, if your minds are firm, forever (Jacob 3.2).” If we deny or cover up anything that is home in the soul, then we cannot be fully present to others. Hiding the dark places results in a loss of soul; speaking for them and from them offers a way toward genuine community and intimacy. Even after you uncover piece after piece of the sacrifices you have made, and feel an intense regret, but discover the real core of your being and the loyalty to the things you love. #RandolphHarris 9 of 10
As you reflect on your core the feeling of guilt and depression will be replaced by a stronger individual, who is no longer manipulated. Do not focus on thoughts and experiences the sad feelings and turmoil is waiting in the for you. Especially when the first time around was so painful and apparently unsuccessful. Care of the soul does not mean wallowing in the symptom, but it does mean trying to learn from depression what qualities the soul needs. Allow the Angel of God to carry your soul out of the coldness, isolation, darkness, and emptiness away to its remote places where it is no longer quarreling and where it finds unique insight and enjoys a special vision. Experience teaches us what is best. We learn that God alone is eternal and that loves overcomes hate. We have brought chance into compliance with love, reason, and faith. We have caught the lightning and made it turn the wheels of industry. We have engaged the laws of nature and harnessed their energy to our purposes. Truth will enter into a new Heaven and a new Earth, a different consciousness. When consciousness is changed, experience automatically changes. Now in the thing we do rejoice. When you become weary and feel like quitting, there is a way to have your strength renewed—wait on the Lord. The reward is in the attempt. #RandolphHarris 10 of 10
Get Out–They Poured Milk Down My Shirt and Put Ham in My Pants!
Improving humanity will happen by applying science to society. There are many prejudices and misunderstandings still lingering from the past. The castration of old days left behind it traditions of punishment, ignominy, and obloquy, at the least of a kind of shameful dishonor, and such notions, it is likely, still largely prevail among the populace and become attached to the new sterilization. How the attitudes of other people affect our self-concepts also depends on which self-concept component is under consideration. A tennis expert may be highly influential in determining our judgments of our tennis skill, but our parents and friends may be more influential in determining our global self-esteem. There is a difference between role-specific significant others (whose opinions are typically significant with regard to a specific aspect of the individual’s role-set), and orientational others (whose opinions are significant in general). To establish a perspective, index role-specific significant others who’s evaluation of you as a student or employee at your job or school concerns you most. Because people should only be evaluating your material and not you personally, although you are expected to be well-behaved and of good hygiene, they have no right to judge your personally to be involved in your personal life. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12
Therefore, the only thing they should have an impact on, when it comes to dealing with you, is your performance in school or work. Unless, of course, part of your job as a student or employee or corporation is to also be a good citizen. To reduce drama or the chance of getting anyone’s feelings hurt, it is important to evaluate these different types of relationships based on qualifying criteria. In an effort to reduce sexual harassment claims, employers usually do not allow employees to fraternize, as it might negatively affect the company and employees socially, financially, and legally. Therefore, it is important to have boundaries. Now, when it comes to orientational significant others, list those persons or groups of people whose evaluation of you as a person concerns you most. Generally, the results will show that, with regard to evaluation of the self in a professional context, respondents tend to mention faculty or manager first, with friends and family members following in that order. However, when asked about the views of others toward the self as a person, friends are most frequently mentioned, followed by family members, with faculty and employers in third place. #RandolphHarris 2 of 12
The impact of others also depends on the degree of crystallization of the self-concept component under consideration. If the component is firmly fixed, others’ views may have little impact; but f it is uncrystallized, we may readily accept the other’s view of ourselves. This point is most evident when bogus qualities are used. When the professors gives us the results of our performance on a test or on a project at work of contrast sensitivity or perceptual discrimination, informing us that we are deficient or superior in this regard, we readily accept the expert judgment of us. The reason is, of course, that we had no performance view of ourselves regarding these qualities. However, the same is true of real but uncrystallized self-concept components. Such is the case, for example, when subjects are asked how good they are at voice control or conveying meaning. Experts’ judgments are easily accepted with reference to qualities on which we have little or no preformulated opinions. It would be far more difficult to convince us, contrary to an established assumption, that we are a fascist or a moron. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12
There is intrinsic value to being. It is what we fundamentally are. Whether we accept the other’s view of us depends in part on whether or not we are motivated to accept it. Given the self-esteem and self-consistency motives, it is evident that we would prefer to internalize optimistic characteristics than negative, and consistent rather than contradictory, attitudes toward the self. There is evidence to suggest that, in the interests of self-esteem and self-consistency, people engage in selective perception of the attitudes of the other and selective attribution of significance. Discovering and eventually resting in this being brings a feeling of deep inner peace and freedom. As we become intimate with this still center within, we feel more connected to all of life. We experience our wholeness firsthand and become lovers of what is—of life as it appears. Our approach to life becomes increasingly less problematic as we accept what comes and allow what goes, grounded in something that feels unchanging in our core. The fluctuations of health, work, and relationships are held in a bigger and more connected space. Selective perception in the service of self-esteem characteristically involves the belief that others think more highly of us than they actually do. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12
There is, in fact, ample evidence of such a self-favorability bias. Virtually every study that has explored the issue finds that people tend to believe that others think more highly of them than these others actually do. Furthermore, the self-consistency motive contributes to people’s tendency to believe that others’ attitudes toward them are congruent with their own. Interpersonal congruency is said to exist when the individual perceives others as attributing to one a trait that one attributes to oneself. This theory was investigated in a study of thirty-one women in a sorority house. Subjects were asked to rank themselves on sixteen paired traits, such as warm-cold, mature-immature, dominant-submissive, and so forth. The subject was asked to indicate the adjectives she thought others would assign to her, those she assigned to herself, and those she assigned to each of the other women. The results showed that the subject overestimated the extent to which others saw her as she saw herself, and that this overestimation was strongest for those women whom the subject liked or interacted with most. People thus tend to believe unduly that others—particularly those they know best—see them as they see themselves. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12
Recognizing and consciously welcoming being into the conventional ritual of modern psychotherapy brings a feeling of shared spaciousness to the therapeutic exploration. People come to relate to their inner and outer lives with more compassionate acceptance and clarity. Selective significance is also enlisted in the service of the self-concept motives. Since significance to those who, we believe, think well (or congruently) of us and to withhold significance from others. The individual is more likely to be influenced by what one believes one’s friends think of him or her than by what one believes his or her nonfriends think of him or her. The net result of this interpersonal selectivity is to attribute greater significance to the opinions of those whose attitudes toward the self are more favorable. That is because our greatest suffering stems from our sense of separation and the feeling or being alone and disconnected from life. One of the beauties is being around people who love, accept, and respect us is that it directly addresses our core need, which is to be loved unconditionally. It also offers an intimate shared shape for us to explore our fears of being open to another being as well as to the whole of life. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12
What empirical research has made evident is that the principle of reflected appraisals, though fundamentally correct, is an approximation. Whether we see ourselves as others see us depends on who these others are; which aspect of the self is under consideration; and whether we are motivated to accept or reject their views. The self we see when viewing ourselves through the eyes of others is thus seen through a glass, darkly. As the old conditioning is gradually processed, integrated, and released, the transpersonal domains of the soul and spirit begin to unfold. Being together offers a simple and elegant way for the self to meet itself in the apparent other. In so doing, we are looking for ourselves in others. Looking for attributes that make us feel more comfortable and complete. However, it is true, and well recognized, that a large number of defective children are the offspring of parents who are not under restraint and approximate to the normal. These parents usually belong to neurotic groups like American gossip-journalism. They are moralist without character, noise-makers in the coffee house, and it is possible to recognize them and to bring social influences to bear on them. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12
Cases constantly occur in which to parents of this kind child after child is born in rapid succession, all more or less defective, one way or another, or even in the same way, as in a family of eight, all ambiguous meatheads and ding bats. A question of frequent debate is how far sterilization should be voluntary and how far regulated by legislation. My own prejudices in this matter have always been strongly on the voluntary side, then there would be no need for abortion or pills that make people gain weight, and they can be free to adopted some of these unwanted children in this overpopulated World. Some surgeons appear to have a nervous terror that if they sterilize they may be doing an illegal act, even if they do so at the wish of the patient, and some legal opinions seem to support it, though it is difficult to see who could dispute a voluntary sterilization, and on what grounds. A law to regulate sterilization, standing by itself, would look like class legislation and be in consequence resented by those who ought to feel, not that a punishment is being inflicted on them, but that a privilege is being brought within their reach. That result is best achieved by the free and open practice of voluntary sterilization among all classes of the community. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12
At the same time, provided that such voluntary sterilization is openly encouraged and practiced, I am now willing to admit that legal facilities may be desirable to bring this method within reach, not only for the poor, who otherwise would not have the means nor the opportunity to secure it, but of the insane and feeble-minded under control, who can legally only give their consent through their nearest relatives, but for whom, alike in their own interest and those of their possible offspring, procreation is undesirable. It is quite possible for such parents to have tolerably normal children, but, with our increased sense of social responsibility, we begin to realize that in so serious a matter no risks must be run here. It is in California that a sterilization law, not indeed entirely admirable, has been most effective, having been applied to many thousands of subjects and worked in a reasonable way. Heredity and eugenics are an extension of natural selection. Improving the genetic makeup of the human population will happen by specifically sterilizing people with genetic defects or undesirable traits, thereby keeping them from reproducing. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12
We need to establish an Executive Secretary of the American Social Hygiene Association. Their mission will be to use public education to promote premarital abstinence, and also promote sex education and birth control. We also need an Institute of Family Relations to bring marriage and family counseling so we can improve the race. Since the family often suffers problems which threaten its stability, we must treat those problems. In other words, we should establish a marriage counseling center where maladjustments might be brought, studied, classified—and helped is possible. Part of this counseling is to encourage fathers to take an active role in their lives of their children. By 2027, the Institute can employ 70 counselors and counsel over 300,000 men, women and children. This was a technique introduced by Dr. Paul Popenoe (1888-19790, he was a Sunday School teacher and a secular humanist. When he was 17, he fainted after eating a steak dinner and became a strict vegetarian long before it was popular. And true to his Victorian roots, he did not believe in any kind of sex outside of marriage, and he was a virgin on his wedding night. He became the marriage counselor to the stars and sessions maintained privacy. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12
In total, 20,108 people were sterilized in the state of California prior to 1964. California had by far the highest number of sterilization in the United States of America (33 percent of all sterilization nationwide). Men and women were sterilized. However, because of the sensitive nature of sterilization records, many are difficult to access or have been altered. This suggests that the total known number of sterilizations may be conservative compared to actual number. Eugenicists in California saw sterilization as a tool with a broad range of applications, all of which were applied to prevent the procreation and overcrowding of state institution and to alleviate fiscal constraints on the state. It has been estimated that the sterilization of 10 percent of the population would produce an appreciably beneficial eugenic effect on the whole nation. Experimental Evolution was a product of the Eugenics Record Office, the first building to be devoted solely to the study of human evolution or race biology. Dr. Charles B. Davenport believed that we needed a social movement that would embody the impulses of racial regeneration and genetic editing to prevent the nations of the World from going bankrupt. The aim: how can we now replace the aim quantity by that of quality? #RandolphHarris 11 of 12
When we grasp that problem in all its branches we see that it is most intimately bound up with our personal lives. And when we recognize how the problem presents itself today we shall realize from the wider human standpoint, having more quality people over quantity is the most vital problem of society. “Behold, I am laboring with them continually; and when I speak the word of God with sharpness they tremble and anger against me; and when I use no sharpness they harden their hearts against it; wherefore, I fear the lest the Spirit of the Lord hath ceased striving with them. For o exceedingly do they anger that it seemeth me that they have lost their love, one towards another; and they thirst after blood for revenge continually. And now, my beloved children, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the Kingdom of God (Moroni 9.4-6).” Grief can take care of itself, but to get full value of a joy, you must have somebody to divide it with. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12
Randolph Harris II International Institute 