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Are My Usual Thoughts and Present Actions Worthy of Eternal Life?
It is a wonderful feeling to conquer wrong practices and to be free and unencumbered from their detrimental effects, both physically and spiritually. We should all take a careful inventory of our habits. Change comes by substituting good habits for less desirable one. We mold our character and future by good thought and acts. Social identity elements refer to the groups, statuses, or social categories to which the members of society are socially recognized as belonging. The human being enters a named, classified World, and is immediately sorted into socially relevant categories. Scarcely has the infant entered the World than he or she is immediately classified according to race, sex, religion, nationality, and so forth. In due course, new socially recognized categories, some of his or her own choosing, are added. These are the fundamental bases upon which society, independent of the special and unique features of each individual, orders and arranges its members. The future we seek is a life motivated by good thoughts, expressed in good works, and sustained by an inner peace and determination of righteous doing. The destiny we desire is an inheritance in the celestial mansion prepared by our Savior for the faithful of God’s children. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
We should become so involved in acquiring good quality traits and participating in character-building activities that there is no time to engage in anything worthless or harmful. No universally recognized classification of social identity elements is at hand. As children of God, we are given the privilege and opportunity of choosing which way of life we will follow—which habits we will form. The habits that direct our lives and form our character are fashioned in the commonplace of routine life, and they are acquired by practice. Social identity elements shape the self-concept in a number of ways. To an important extent they define for the individual what he or she is; the individual feels he is a male, lawyer, Protestant, father. Furthermore, if the social identity element is ambiguous (for example, is one an adolescent or a young adult? a music student or a musician?) the self-concept is correspondingly ambiguous. These identity elements, because of their associated role standards, represent criteria for self-judgment. A boy may condemn himself for a lack of courage which a girl may accept without a qualm. Conversely, a boy is unembarrassed at his inability to sew, a girl unembarrassed at her ineptitude at catching forward passes. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Am I setting my sights on eternal goals and working to obtain them? Role performances influence social action; this behavior, in turn, comes to constitute an important part of the content of the self-concept. The good habits of a child’s early training form the foundation for his or her future and sustain the individual in one’s life later on. The professor sees himself as a teacher or writer, but the doctor usually does not; the doctor sees himself or herself as a diagnostician or surgeon, but the professor does not. Furthermore, these actions may generalize to broader aspects of the self-concept. For example, it has been discovered that people whose work requires them to exercise autonomy, make their own decisions, and assume responsibility are more likely to emerge with higher global self-esteem. Although we do not always know what lies ahead, there is strength and safety in righteous conduct. Since social identity elements represent important bases of social evaluation, they may influence self-evaluation. We need to organize our lives based of virtue, and chart a right course as we journey toward eternal life. In the conduct of our lives, we learn that good character-building habits mean everything. It is by such behavior that we harvest the real substance and value of life. The way we live outweighs any words we may profess to follow. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
In every society, people are characteristically ordered along a number of dimensions of stratification, for example, occupational, social class, racial, religious, gender, age, and ethnic. Occupations are arranged in a well-recognized hierarchy of prestige; ethnic preferences (including racial) are surprisingly uniform across broad segments of the society and persist over long periods of time; and so on. Since such stratified positions command unequal social self-esteem, social scientists have tended to take it for granted that those ranking lower in the various status hierarchies would have lower self-esteem than the more favored member of society. However, human beings destined purpose is to conquer all habits, to overcome the evil in humanity and to restore good to its rightful place. The ways of life acceptable to the people of the World are not always acceptable to God. We should conduct ourselves wisely before God and sin not. We should not yield to the persuasion of people with evil intent. The principle of reflected appraisals holds that if others look up to us and treat us with respect, then we will respect ourselves accordingly, but if they derogate or disdain us, then our self-esteem normally depends on the respect of others. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
Social comparison is at the heart of social evaluation. Bad habits are a reflect of our thoughts and personalities, our behavior and conduct. They are degrading to the choice qualities which are our God-given spiritual endowments of faith, honesty, integrity, and uprightness. Human beings learn about themselves by comparing themselves to others. Evil tendencies destroy character and ruin lives. When first yielding to sin, one’s resistance, self-control, and character are weakened and further transgression usually result. With violation of spiritual laws and rejection of spiritual qualities, our powers of resistance are reduced. Eventually we seem to lose complete control of our ability to resist evil. Imagine the great misery suffered by a person who has practiced a vice for so long that he or she curses it, yet at the same time holds on to it. And that deprived expression of reality is seeking to define life with terrible inadequacy that will revenge itself unto the third and forth generations. Our great challenge is to learn how to control ourselves. We must learn for ourselves and act for ourselves, being careful not to follow those who are not divinely led. We have a responsibility to thwart the work of the evil one—not to assist or perpetuate its cause by yielding to the enticements of sin. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
With good habits, we prepare ourselves for excellence. Judging the dead is a universal theme, in which evildoers are punished and the good rewarded. Every Ancient Egyptian hoped to be reborn in the afterlife in the image of Osiris, the God of the dead, and to be admitted into his kingdom. However, before this could happen, the deceased had to appear before a divine tribunal, which examined an individual’s conduct on Earth. In the judgment of the dead, the weighing of the heart ritual took place. The deceased was escorted into the tribunal and stood before Osiris, seated on a throne, and a jury of 42 Gods. In the center of the room was the balance, on which the heart would be weighed. First, however, the deceased had to make a negative confession, asserting that he or she had not committed reprehensible acts, was not guilty of evil deeds, or thoughts, and had not acted in defiance of Maat, goddess of truth and justice, or the divine order. The individual then had to repeat this confession before each member of the tribunal. As the heart was about to be weighed, the deceased pleaded with it not to betray nor condemn him or her, a prayer that was often inscribed on the scarab amulet buried with mummified bodies. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
The heart was then placed on the scales to be weighed against the ostrich feather that symbolized Maat. If the heart brought the scales into balance, the deceased was allowed to access the afterlife. However, if heavy with sin, the heart failed to being the scales into balance, the deceased faced the open jaws of Ammut, the Devourer of the Dead, a netherworld creature that was part crocodile, part lion and part hippopotamus. While we are living, it is important to do good. One cannot truthfully say one is confirmed in his or her bad habits, sins, or weaknesses to the point that they cannot be thrown off and repented of. The human will is naturally inclined toward the right. We are spirit children of God and have born within us the power to overcome all evil practices. We have a gracious, kind, and loving Father in Heaven who stands ready to help us. And the Lord said, “I will bring forth out of darkness unto light all their secret works and their abominations; and except they repent I will destroy them from off the face of the Earth; and I will bring light all their secrets and abominations, unto every nation that shall hereafter possess the land. And now, my child, we see that they did not repent; therefore they have been destroyed, and thus far the word of God has been fulfilled. (Alma 37.26-26).” #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
An individual’s grief, insecure ego, inability to love, shattered dialogue, or entanglement in loneliness traps is also a collective problem for society. Living as we should, obedient and faithful, then we are on our way to the presence of God. Sometimes in life in feels like something is missing and we all want confirmation that we are doing the right thing and pleasing in these eyes of God. When we allow others just to be what he, she, or it is, without imposing our preferences or offering any resistance, the other is no longer something separate over there, apart from me. We are then free to meet and mingle with the other in the open field of awareness, where separate selfhood and otherness dissolve and fade away. Then we discover what it really means to love—to open to others as they are, without imposing our judgments or agendas on the. When the qualities that are desirable in individuals also become universal in the people of a nation, that nation also will have good character. It is a love and practice of all things that are true, honest, l lovely and of good report. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
Get Out–They Poured Milk Down My Shirt and Put Ham in My Pants!
Improving humanity will happen by applying science to society. There are many prejudices and misunderstandings still lingering from the past. The castration of old days left behind it traditions of punishment, ignominy, and obloquy, at the least of a kind of shameful dishonor, and such notions, it is likely, still largely prevail among the populace and become attached to the new sterilization. How the attitudes of other people affect our self-concepts also depends on which self-concept component is under consideration. A tennis expert may be highly influential in determining our judgments of our tennis skill, but our parents and friends may be more influential in determining our global self-esteem. There is a difference between role-specific significant others (whose opinions are typically significant with regard to a specific aspect of the individual’s role-set), and orientational others (whose opinions are significant in general). To establish a perspective, index role-specific significant others who’s evaluation of you as a student or employee at your job or school concerns you most. Because people should only be evaluating your material and not you personally, although you are expected to be well-behaved and of good hygiene, they have no right to judge your personally to be involved in your personal life. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12
Therefore, the only thing they should have an impact on, when it comes to dealing with you, is your performance in school or work. Unless, of course, part of your job as a student or employee or corporation is to also be a good citizen. To reduce drama or the chance of getting anyone’s feelings hurt, it is important to evaluate these different types of relationships based on qualifying criteria. In an effort to reduce sexual harassment claims, employers usually do not allow employees to fraternize, as it might negatively affect the company and employees socially, financially, and legally. Therefore, it is important to have boundaries. Now, when it comes to orientational significant others, list those persons or groups of people whose evaluation of you as a person concerns you most. Generally, the results will show that, with regard to evaluation of the self in a professional context, respondents tend to mention faculty or manager first, with friends and family members following in that order. However, when asked about the views of others toward the self as a person, friends are most frequently mentioned, followed by family members, with faculty and employers in third place. #RandolphHarris 2 of 12
The impact of others also depends on the degree of crystallization of the self-concept component under consideration. If the component is firmly fixed, others’ views may have little impact; but f it is uncrystallized, we may readily accept the other’s view of ourselves. This point is most evident when bogus qualities are used. When the professors gives us the results of our performance on a test or on a project at work of contrast sensitivity or perceptual discrimination, informing us that we are deficient or superior in this regard, we readily accept the expert judgment of us. The reason is, of course, that we had no performance view of ourselves regarding these qualities. However, the same is true of real but uncrystallized self-concept components. Such is the case, for example, when subjects are asked how good they are at voice control or conveying meaning. Experts’ judgments are easily accepted with reference to qualities on which we have little or no preformulated opinions. It would be far more difficult to convince us, contrary to an established assumption, that we are a fascist or a moron. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12
There is intrinsic value to being. It is what we fundamentally are. Whether we accept the other’s view of us depends in part on whether or not we are motivated to accept it. Given the self-esteem and self-consistency motives, it is evident that we would prefer to internalize optimistic characteristics than negative, and consistent rather than contradictory, attitudes toward the self. There is evidence to suggest that, in the interests of self-esteem and self-consistency, people engage in selective perception of the attitudes of the other and selective attribution of significance. Discovering and eventually resting in this being brings a feeling of deep inner peace and freedom. As we become intimate with this still center within, we feel more connected to all of life. We experience our wholeness firsthand and become lovers of what is—of life as it appears. Our approach to life becomes increasingly less problematic as we accept what comes and allow what goes, grounded in something that feels unchanging in our core. The fluctuations of health, work, and relationships are held in a bigger and more connected space. Selective perception in the service of self-esteem characteristically involves the belief that others think more highly of us than they actually do. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12
There is, in fact, ample evidence of such a self-favorability bias. Virtually every study that has explored the issue finds that people tend to believe that others think more highly of them than these others actually do. Furthermore, the self-consistency motive contributes to people’s tendency to believe that others’ attitudes toward them are congruent with their own. Interpersonal congruency is said to exist when the individual perceives others as attributing to one a trait that one attributes to oneself. This theory was investigated in a study of thirty-one women in a sorority house. Subjects were asked to rank themselves on sixteen paired traits, such as warm-cold, mature-immature, dominant-submissive, and so forth. The subject was asked to indicate the adjectives she thought others would assign to her, those she assigned to herself, and those she assigned to each of the other women. The results showed that the subject overestimated the extent to which others saw her as she saw herself, and that this overestimation was strongest for those women whom the subject liked or interacted with most. People thus tend to believe unduly that others—particularly those they know best—see them as they see themselves. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12
Recognizing and consciously welcoming being into the conventional ritual of modern psychotherapy brings a feeling of shared spaciousness to the therapeutic exploration. People come to relate to their inner and outer lives with more compassionate acceptance and clarity. Selective significance is also enlisted in the service of the self-concept motives. Since significance to those who, we believe, think well (or congruently) of us and to withhold significance from others. The individual is more likely to be influenced by what one believes one’s friends think of him or her than by what one believes his or her nonfriends think of him or her. The net result of this interpersonal selectivity is to attribute greater significance to the opinions of those whose attitudes toward the self are more favorable. That is because our greatest suffering stems from our sense of separation and the feeling or being alone and disconnected from life. One of the beauties is being around people who love, accept, and respect us is that it directly addresses our core need, which is to be loved unconditionally. It also offers an intimate shared shape for us to explore our fears of being open to another being as well as to the whole of life. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12
What empirical research has made evident is that the principle of reflected appraisals, though fundamentally correct, is an approximation. Whether we see ourselves as others see us depends on who these others are; which aspect of the self is under consideration; and whether we are motivated to accept or reject their views. The self we see when viewing ourselves through the eyes of others is thus seen through a glass, darkly. As the old conditioning is gradually processed, integrated, and released, the transpersonal domains of the soul and spirit begin to unfold. Being together offers a simple and elegant way for the self to meet itself in the apparent other. In so doing, we are looking for ourselves in others. Looking for attributes that make us feel more comfortable and complete. However, it is true, and well recognized, that a large number of defective children are the offspring of parents who are not under restraint and approximate to the normal. These parents usually belong to neurotic groups like American gossip-journalism. They are moralist without character, noise-makers in the coffee house, and it is possible to recognize them and to bring social influences to bear on them. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12
Cases constantly occur in which to parents of this kind child after child is born in rapid succession, all more or less defective, one way or another, or even in the same way, as in a family of eight, all ambiguous meatheads and ding bats. A question of frequent debate is how far sterilization should be voluntary and how far regulated by legislation. My own prejudices in this matter have always been strongly on the voluntary side, then there would be no need for abortion or pills that make people gain weight, and they can be free to adopted some of these unwanted children in this overpopulated World. Some surgeons appear to have a nervous terror that if they sterilize they may be doing an illegal act, even if they do so at the wish of the patient, and some legal opinions seem to support it, though it is difficult to see who could dispute a voluntary sterilization, and on what grounds. A law to regulate sterilization, standing by itself, would look like class legislation and be in consequence resented by those who ought to feel, not that a punishment is being inflicted on them, but that a privilege is being brought within their reach. That result is best achieved by the free and open practice of voluntary sterilization among all classes of the community. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12
At the same time, provided that such voluntary sterilization is openly encouraged and practiced, I am now willing to admit that legal facilities may be desirable to bring this method within reach, not only for the poor, who otherwise would not have the means nor the opportunity to secure it, but of the insane and feeble-minded under control, who can legally only give their consent through their nearest relatives, but for whom, alike in their own interest and those of their possible offspring, procreation is undesirable. It is quite possible for such parents to have tolerably normal children, but, with our increased sense of social responsibility, we begin to realize that in so serious a matter no risks must be run here. It is in California that a sterilization law, not indeed entirely admirable, has been most effective, having been applied to many thousands of subjects and worked in a reasonable way. Heredity and eugenics are an extension of natural selection. Improving the genetic makeup of the human population will happen by specifically sterilizing people with genetic defects or undesirable traits, thereby keeping them from reproducing. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12
We need to establish an Executive Secretary of the American Social Hygiene Association. Their mission will be to use public education to promote premarital abstinence, and also promote sex education and birth control. We also need an Institute of Family Relations to bring marriage and family counseling so we can improve the race. Since the family often suffers problems which threaten its stability, we must treat those problems. In other words, we should establish a marriage counseling center where maladjustments might be brought, studied, classified—and helped is possible. Part of this counseling is to encourage fathers to take an active role in their lives of their children. By 2027, the Institute can employ 70 counselors and counsel over 300,000 men, women and children. This was a technique introduced by Dr. Paul Popenoe (1888-19790, he was a Sunday School teacher and a secular humanist. When he was 17, he fainted after eating a steak dinner and became a strict vegetarian long before it was popular. And true to his Victorian roots, he did not believe in any kind of sex outside of marriage, and he was a virgin on his wedding night. He became the marriage counselor to the stars and sessions maintained privacy. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12
In total, 20,108 people were sterilized in the state of California prior to 1964. California had by far the highest number of sterilization in the United States of America (33 percent of all sterilization nationwide). Men and women were sterilized. However, because of the sensitive nature of sterilization records, many are difficult to access or have been altered. This suggests that the total known number of sterilizations may be conservative compared to actual number. Eugenicists in California saw sterilization as a tool with a broad range of applications, all of which were applied to prevent the procreation and overcrowding of state institution and to alleviate fiscal constraints on the state. It has been estimated that the sterilization of 10 percent of the population would produce an appreciably beneficial eugenic effect on the whole nation. Experimental Evolution was a product of the Eugenics Record Office, the first building to be devoted solely to the study of human evolution or race biology. Dr. Charles B. Davenport believed that we needed a social movement that would embody the impulses of racial regeneration and genetic editing to prevent the nations of the World from going bankrupt. The aim: how can we now replace the aim quantity by that of quality? #RandolphHarris 11 of 12
When we grasp that problem in all its branches we see that it is most intimately bound up with our personal lives. And when we recognize how the problem presents itself today we shall realize from the wider human standpoint, having more quality people over quantity is the most vital problem of society. “Behold, I am laboring with them continually; and when I speak the word of God with sharpness they tremble and anger against me; and when I use no sharpness they harden their hearts against it; wherefore, I fear the lest the Spirit of the Lord hath ceased striving with them. For o exceedingly do they anger that it seemeth me that they have lost their love, one towards another; and they thirst after blood for revenge continually. And now, my beloved children, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the Kingdom of God (Moroni 9.4-6).” Grief can take care of itself, but to get full value of a joy, you must have somebody to divide it with. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12
He is Not Happier without Me!
Some may believe that love is physical, that love is nothing but a physical response to another whom the agent feels physically attracted to. However, the action of loving encompasses a broad range of behavior including caring, listening, attending to, preferring to other, and so on. As a consequence of seeing ourselves from the perspectives of others, our self-concepts will come to correspond at least partially to other people’s views of us. The self-concept is how we see ourselves. The social (or accorded) self—is how other people actually see the individual; and the reflected (or perceived) self—is how the individual believes others see him or her. The data obtained consistently supports the principle of reflected appraisals. To further highlight this illustration, students were asked to rate themselves in terms of four self-concept components: intelligent, physically attractive, self-confident, and likeable. They also asked other members of the individual’s group to rate him or her on these characteristics. Since ten groups participated, and each group rated each individual on four traits, forty comparisons were possible. In thirty-five out of forty comparisons, those rating themselves high were more likely than those rating themselves low to be rated higher by the group. #RandolphHarris 1 of 9
Individuals change as they grow. Research also shows a strong and consistent association between the reflected self and the self-concept—what we believe others think of us and our self-concepts. If the individual believes others think well of him or her, then that individual tends to think well of oneself. People are affected by their environments and the way they are treated. There is a consistent, though imperfect, relationship between the social self (what others actually think of us) and the reflected self. More often than not, people’s views of what others think of them are accurate; but in many cases they also misread the attitude of the other toward themselves. God has all the power and wisdom to defend you, all the mercy to pardon you, and all the grace to enrich you, all the righteousness to clothe you, all the goodness to supply you, and all the happiness to crown you. Therefore, our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity. Without work in the natural science, we should never know human beings as they really are. In no other activity can one come so close to direct perception and clear thought, or realize so fully the errors of the sense, the mistakes of the intellect, the weakness and greatness of human character. #RandolphHarris 2 of 9
Two individuals may respond very differently to the same situation because they are different people. And part of that difference is a matter of genetic inheritance. What we believe others think of us (reflected self) is more closely related to our self-concept than what they actually think of us (social self). It was predicted that those who rated themselves high were more likely than those who rated themselves low to believe that other rated them high was supported in forty out of forty comparisons. Through socialization, an individual learns what he or she needs to know in order to survive and live in society. The research unequivocally supports the basic ideas regarding the importance of taking the role of the other in shaping the self-concept, seeing ourselves through the eyes of other rational people, when we form our view of oneself. However, these is general, it is imprecise and may be in need of refinement. For example, although it is true that we tend to see ourselves as others see us, one question is: which others? There are many other people with whom we interact, and since they inevitably view us from different perspectives, we obviously cannot accept all of their views of us. Second, which self-concept components? Since there are many self-concepts components, we may accept a person’s judgment of certain of our characteristics, but not of other characteristics. Third: why? Since we internalize other people’s attitudes toward us in come circumstances but not in others, the question is: what motivational factors contribute to such differential effects? Research has shed light on each of these questions. #RandolphHarris 3 of 9
It can be troublesome when one cannot filter out unwanted sensation. Sometimes we have to wade through competing sensations and sort them out, we may also have to compete with our own expectations, assumptions, prejudices, or personal needs. Whether the attitudes of other people toward us affect our self-concept depends in part on how significant they are to us. The question with valuation is: what makes some people highly significant to us, others less so? Two foundations of interpersonal significance will be considered: valuation and credibility. It is reasonable to expect that the opinions of those people who matter most to us—whose opinion we care about greatly—should have a stronger effect on out self-concepts than the views of those to whom we are indifferent. In an investigation, respondent were asked how much they cared about what certain people in their role-sets thought of them. The results showed that the relationship between what the child believed his or her mother thought of one and what one thought of oneself was very strong if that individual cared very much about the mother’s opinion of oneself, but much weaker if one cared little. The same proved to be true with regard to fathers, teachers, classmates, siblings, and friends. #RandolphHarris 4 of 9
We see (or perceive) what we want or need to perceive, and our nervous system can come to act as if the other sensation did not exist. This phenomenon is called perceptual vigilance: being on guard, or ready, to concentrate on certain kinds of stimuli and filtering out those that we do not want or need to receive. And the process works in the interpersonal area too. The impact of the other’s opinion of us also depends on the degree of faith, trust, or confidence that we repose in the person’s judgment. The concept of credibility, although overlapping with that of valuation, is not identical with it. We may be eager to be liked by our classmates, even if we have little respect for their judgment. The results in our study showed that with regard to parents, teachers, and best friends, the relationship between the reflected self and the self-concept was stronger if the child had high faith in the other person’s knowledge of the self than if one had low faith. #RandolphHarris 5 of 9
In the area of human relations, we find generalizations going on all the time. And while we can sit back and say it is unscientific or silly, nonetheless it goes no and it is the cause for a lot of serious conflicts between people. That is why expertise is an important basis of credibility. For instance, when two ways of changing boys’ attitudes toward their masculinity, in a high credibility situation, the director of the project told the subjects he would test them by means of an objective measure of their mannishness. In the low credibility situation, the tester was introduced as a high school student whose work represented part of a study in social perception. Not only was the subject more likely to accept the expert’s judgment of his male prowess than the high school student’s, but he tended to accept the expert’s assessment even if it deviated from his own. Similarly, it was shown that when a bogus speech expert evaluated an individual’s oral reading ability, the individual readily changed his mind about his skill in this area. #RandolphHarris 6 of 9
Obscenity is a permanent element of human social life and corresponds to a deep need of the human mind, or, for all we know to the contrary, of mind generally. It is not confined to any nation or any stage of culture, low or high, savage or civilized. It definitely exists and is recognized among the peoples we often call primitive and it is joyfully manifested by the greatest people of genius among the higher races. Credibility is also influenced by our attribution of motives to others. Whether we will accept the other person’s expressed judgment of us depends on whether we consider him or her sincere or false. In a study, half of the subjects were told that the interviewer was simply practicing a set of interviewing techniques, whereas the other half were told that the main task of the interviewer was to be as honest as possible. Although both groups of subjects were treated identically, the self-esteem of the first group was less influenced than the group led to believe that the investigator was sincere, uncalculated and attuned to them as individuals. #RandolphHarris 7 of 9
Another basis of credibility is the assumed consensus of other people’s attitudes towards us. Some dissensus, of course, is inevitable, since every other person sees us from a somewhat different perspective. What, then, is the effect of such consensus or dissensus among others on our self-attitudes? In an ingenious experiment, the investigators attempted to change the subject’s views of two self-concept components—one on which consensus was believed to be high, the other on which consensus was believed to be low. If low, the self-concept component proved easy to change, but if high, it was much more difficult to change. The idea that we see ourselves as others see us is thus a generalization in evident need of refinement. The degree to which it is true depends on how much the judgment of the other is valued and trusted. Certain broader implications of this fact may be suggested. For example, if individuals neither value not trust the judgments of fake news practitioners toward them, but do value and trust the judgments of their close friends and good family members, then wide spread prejudice will not necessarily damage self-esteem of people being targeted. #RandolphHarris 8 of 9
Heavenly Father, thank you for sending us your Spirit, you open the way to eternal life. May our sharing in this gift increase our love and make our faith grow stronger. Send your Spirit to cleanse our lives, please. May we live in ways that are pleasing to you, and may you bring us eternal life. God, you are our solace in the face of daily life. We pray that you will guide our hearts away from the darkness and fear and into the light. Our souls long for the fullness of life, which will be revealed to us. Give us permission to enjoy what we are doing. Thank you, God, for teaching us that the greatest thing a human being can do is really love another human being. And we do not take the risk of loving because we know the odds are not fair. To make a thing of shared joy takes two people, both of whom are willing to give themselves to that common construction or creation. Each knows that at any moment either one of them can ruin it. Each knows that neither one of can make it make it beautiful, or good, or joyous alone, but alone either can make it bad, destructive, unhappy. God, thank you for guiding us to live virtuously. #RandolphHarris 9 of 9
Someday You Will Grow Up to be President of the World!
Faith is not shelter against difficulties, but belief in the face of all contradictions, as faith is a subtle chain that binds us to the infinite. In contrast to the interactive-situated self-concept approach, the social structural-biographical approach stressed the stable, persistent features of both society and personality. The self-concept is essentially an attitude toward an object—the self—and can be understood within the framework adopted to understand attitudes toward other objects. Because certain special or distinctive features characterize the self-concept, however, the concept has been broadened to encompass the totality of the individual’s thoughts and feelings with reference to oneself as an object. Be a believer and take the limits off God, as there is so much more to our God. Allow yourself to discover what else he is. Keep your faith strong and you will see God’s goodness in amazing ways! Social psychologist adopting this perspective tend to view the self-concept as a highly complex entity and characteristically study some specific segment of this totality. Some social psychologist are primarily interested in specific self-concept components, for example, traits and statuses; others in the arrangement (structure) of thee components, such as their salience or importance in the individual’s phenomenal field. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
Still, many social psychologist center attention on certain broader dimensions of the self-concept (for example, self-esteem; self-concept stability; self-confidence; crystallization) which can characterize both the parts and the aspects, elements, or dimensions of the self-concept to their social roots. The social structural-biographical self-concept approach is interested in understanding how patterned features of society operate to shape various aspects of the self-concept and how the self-concept, in turn, influences society. This approach begins with the recognition that societies are organized into systems of interrelated statuses and roles, are characterized by shared norms and values, operate to fulfill important needs and functions, and tend to be arranged in groups or social structures, functions, institutions, groups, and cultural elements. The question of interest is: how do these fundamental overarching features of society impinge upon the individual’s biographical (dispositional) self-concept, and how does this self-concept influence behavior in important institutional areas? One important socialization function of government seems to be diminishing—at east temporarily. Political figures used to serve as important models for young people and others. Increasingly, people are viewing politics as a dirty business because so many of our local representatives lack integrity. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
A hallmark of totalitarian societies is that the people are apprehensive about being overheard or spied upon. Most politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. Even so, we sometimes think of our leaders as almost superhumans and are shaken to our foundation when they are involved in graft, intrigue, and scandal. It is doubtful that the extent of these activities is actually increasing, but because of the communications media public awareness of such activities is greatly increased. And the image of government leaders who violate the public trust—and a public that seems to accept such activities almost as a matter of course—are probably important socializing elements in themselves. Certainly, they have an important impact on our value system and the moral standards the individual expects to meet (the ideal self). Both the biographical and the situated identity approaches complementary ways of exploring the self-concept. Interpersonal interaction—the most elementary and ubiquitous feature of social life is face-to-face interaction. How does such interaction influence the formation of the individual’s self-concept? #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
Social identity is among the sociologically most relevant self-concept components of the individual’s social identity elements, for example, race, religion, gender, and social class. If we have just enough religion to make us hate, maybe we need more to teach us to love. “Charity is the pure love of God, and it endures forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well God. Wherefore, my beloved people, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that you may be filled with this love, which God has bestowed upon all who are true believers, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope: that we may be purified even as he is pure (Moroni 7.47-48).” One issue to be considered is the fact that because many of the social identity elements are differentially evaluated in the society, this unequal social prestige might affect the individual’s self-esteem. In a social context, the question addressed is: how do the qualities or characteristics of other people in the environment affect the individual’s self-concept? And how does the individual’s involvement in selected institutional areas—economy, policy, educational system, legal system—relate to the individual’s self-concept, either as a social product or a social force? #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
We view the self-concept as encompassing all of the individual’s cognitions and emotions relating to the self. So conceived, the self-concept is evidently a great deal broader than self-esteem, with which it is all too often equated. The fundamental social process—the process that makes society possible and that makes the human being truly human—is communication. In order to communicate, it is essential to take the role of the other, to put oneself in the other’s situation, to see things, including the self, from the other’s perspective. None of us addresses the other in a language that we believe the other does not understand because, in speaking, we adopt the view of the other. However, communication obliges us to see the World from the viewpoint of the other, it inevitably cases us to view the self as well from the viewpoint of the other person. We are more or less unconsciously seeing ourselves as others see us. So many of the old traditional social taboos having become antiquated or no longer adequate, there has been a furious activity in making new laws and regulations, without a due recognition of the fact that old taboos can only be replaced by new taboos, and that mere legal enactments, enforced, or left unenforced, by paid officials or the police, to be effective must themselves become taboos, printed on the fleshy tablets of the individual citizen’s heart. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
If we do not have taboos, which are few in number, indisputable in value, and so urgent that they are felt to be on the way to become instinctive, no society can live wholesomely by any other regulation. And State legislatures stultify themselves when they fail to realize that their part is mere to formalize, and record, and support, the growth and decay of taboos. Although it is not intended to imply that the self-concept and actual attitude of the other will be identical, it is plausible inference to suggest that the attitudes of the other will help shape the self-concept. To say that we come to see ourselves as others see us, however, it essentially a shorthand way of saying that we come to see ourselves as we think others see us, for after all, no one can ever see into the mind of another with unerring accuracy. If it means the making of new and personal taboos, it involves a slow self-development and self-responsibility, which is not only in itself a continual discipline, but runs the risk of conflict with others engaged in the same task and with the same sincerity. For what we may still term morals, since it has now become an individual outcome, will not be entirely the same for all individuals. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
All our moralities, indeed, cannot fail to be modifications of a common pattern because we all belong to the same community; but the differences involve a greater degree of mutual understanding and forbearance than when uniform taboos were imposed from outside. We come here on a conflict such as lies at the foundation of all life. No imagery could more vividly represent the idea that we see ourselves through the eyes of others than the couplet that each to each a looking glass/Reflects the other that does pass. A self-idea of this sort seems to have three principal elements: the imagination of our appearance to the other person; the imagination of one’s judgment of that appearance, and some sort of self-feeling, such as pride or mortification. The self is thus not a literal looking-glass image, an exact reflection, but rather an imputed sentiment, the imagination of the evaluation of this reflection within another’s mind. We are not only obliged to interpret the other’s perception of us, but also to interpret one’s probably response to what one has observed in terms of one’s own values and attitudes. And a consequence of seeing ourselves from the perspectives of others, our self-concepts will come to correspond at least partially to other people’s views of us. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
And what is it that you shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that you shall have hope through the atonement of God and the power of his ability to resurrect, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in God according to the promise. Wherefore, if a person have faith, one needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope. God is sees through the eyes of infinity. Open our hearts Lord. The idea of the World is in our hearts are so engraved that your idea is no longer recognizable…let us find you inside of ourselves since we cannot look for you in the World because of our weaknesses…enter into our hearts and soul. Let a visionary state come upon us, let us have the mastery of the World of things so that we can see into the void and that this void can be seen in the World soul. Free us from the routines of labor, allow our genius to play, move us into a World of chance and probability, freeing us from complaining. Allow for the acceleration of the World, without the loss of qualities. Allow our faith to be above and beyond, giving us a boldness and confidence to believe for the extraordinary. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
True Learning Makes One Vulnerable to the Intoxication of Love
Its home is located in the inner World of thought and experience. For its essence, nothing is more quintessentially psychological; an unequivocally subjective phenomenon is not present at birth, but arises out of social experience and interaction. The self-concept is formed within institutional systems, such as the family, school, economy, church, and is constructed from the materials of the culture; and it is affected by immediate social and environmental contexts. In other words, the self-concept achieves its particular shape and form in the matrix of a given culture, social structure, and institutional system. Although the individual’s view of oneself may be internal, what one sees and feels when one things of oneself is largely the product of social life. Therefore, choose to focus your time, energy and conversation around people who inspire, support, and help you to grow and become happy, strong, and wise. The self-concept exercises an important influence on behavior in various social realms. Since the self-concept is acted upon and, in turn, acts upon society, it is relevant to view it as a social product and a social force. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Self-concept is an enduring feature of personality, or more precisely, a stable set of enduring features of personality and a meaning attached to the self as object. While the individual self-esteem may vary from situation to situation, nevertheless there is a certain average tone of self-feeling which each one of us carries about with one, and which is independent of the objective reasons we have for satisfaction or discontent. At the same time, the individual has as many different social selves as there are distinct groups or persons about whose opinion one cares. One generally shows a different side of oneself to each of these different groups. Many a youth who is demure enough before one’s parents and teachers, may swear and swagger like a pirate among one’s tough young friends. We do not show ourselves to our children as to our club companions, to our customers as to the laborers we employ, to our superiors and employers as to our intimate friends. Beliefs and attitudes about human relationships formulated in laboratories are the very same ones now commonly adopted in our society. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
The foundation of many modern beliefs about human emotions, human relationships, and aliments can be directly traced back to ideas formulated in animal laboratories at the beginning of the twentieth century. For example, a significant number of people now seem quite willing to accept the idea that there is a connection between stress, anxiety, and physical ailments. Mass media advertising, especially those commercials marketing a wide range of anti-anxiety or analgesic agents, are but one of many sources that serve to make everyone conscious of this idea. Growing numbers of people, for example, now accept the idea that emotional stress might predispose them to develop heart problems. Yet, at the same time, far fewer seem ready to accept the possibility that the lack of human companionship could do the same thing. In the context of human aliments, stress and anxiety are now generally accepted as bad for one’s health, while human companionship is still generally viewed as irrelevant. These are not distinctions that are consciously taught or even thought about a great deal; rather, they are attitudes deeply embedded in our society. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Sole social reality is interaction. People’s behavior in such interaction is not the result of environmental pressures, stimuli, motives, attitudes, and ideas define the self, define the other, guide one’s own actions by taking the role of the other, and constantly adjust and align those actions with those of the other (as the other person does with regard to oneself). Actual interaction, then, requires an awareness and control of self, an adjustment to the self of the other, and a dynamic and shifting process that cannot be understood by reference to persistent and stable features of personality. Many people are also conditioned to think that sex, drugs, drinking alcoholic beverages, and saying curse words is part of normal development, but it is not necessarily. If one cannot explain social behavior by reference to the stable features of personality, no more can one explain it by reference to the stable features of society. Social system, social structure, culture, social function, and so forth cannot provide an explanation of human behavior. If we went back to teaching children virtue, as a society, then may the youth would not engage in these bad behaviors. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Genuine understanding can only come from comprehending the individuals interpretation of objects, situations, or the actions of others. Does this mean that each interaction is unique and idiosyncratic, there by negating the possibility of generalization? By no means, since it may be possible to discover certain common or general processes that recur in diverse situations. A number of social psychologists have elucidated the nature of such processes. Contrary to implicit social structural assumptions, roles are made rather than played; the individual does not simply follow a role script, but instead, actively defines and interprets one’s situation in response to situational dynamics. Humans adopt rich, vivid, and implicit rules and strategies when interacting with others. Whenever one enters a situation, one takes a line, presenting oneself as a certain type of person. A convincing performance may require certain props, costumes, and setting; some involve solo performances, others term work; some actions go on front stage, others back stage; verbal, facial, and postural behavior are expressed or repressed; and so on. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Social interaction is a matter of self-presentation or impression management. A number of other general social processes have also been shown to characterize interaction: altercasting, negotiation, and the application of various vocabularies of motive, including disclaimers, accounts, that is, excuses and justifications, and techniques of neutralization. True learning makes one vulnerable to the intoxication of love; when one is in love one is learning; the two conditions cannot be separated. The love between teacher and learner is directed not toward possessing each other, but toward caring for the World. It is precisely here that teaching becomes an art, the art of enlarging love to encompass the soul of the World. “We do not belong to the night, nor the darkness. We are children of the light. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. However, since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a shield, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation (1 Thessalonians 5.4-9).” #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Growth and Development of the Green Grass
Give careful thought to your ways. Although the emotion of love is one of the strongest of which the mind is capable, it can hardly be said to have any proper or peculiar name of expression. The boundaries of a sentiment vary in their permeability by public observation and involvement in one’s feeling. Sentiments expressed in a public or community setting become conventionalized as the individual makes social comparisons about the sentiment’s quality and intensity. Private feeling, secret and isolated from social involvement, is less manageable and loses social significance for lack of validation by others. For example, medieval customs required mourners to show sorrow for a fixed period of time. Public ceremonies tamed grief, shielding mourners from extreme or prolonged sorrow. With privatization of grief, however, the sentiment became idiosyncratic, often insurmountable as the mourner languished persistently. For 350 years medical science ignored relationships between emotions and physical illness because science ignore the study of emotions (since emotions were a reflection of the human soul) and instead focused exclusively on the physical cause of aliments. #RandolphHarris 1 of 9
Expression is part and parcel of the feeling. It is believed to be a general law of the mind that along with the fact that inward feeling or consciousness, there is a diffusive action or excitement over the bodily members. A very considerable number of the facts may be brought under the principle. States of pleasure are connected with an increase, and the states of pain with an abatement, of some, or all, of the vital function. Ideas about physical health have been rigidly fixed. Germs are seen as being outside and they somehow get inside the body, leading people to believe that they were the passive victims of external forces in nature. It was widely held that human behavior did not cause disease; rather, humans were victimized by it. In some primitive cultures, even today, people assume that spirits control all their behavior and they have little choice in their own destiny, because it is controlled by good and evil spirits and by fate. Once you were stricken by these foreign invaders, the only logical course of action was to go to a physician and be purged of your illness. Until the late nineteenth century, most people did not believe that they were responsible for their own physical health, a belief that has lingered on into the late twentieth century. #RandolphHarris 2 of 9
Even today, many people still resist the idea that there is a connection between their overeating, their lack of exercise, their smoking, or their loneliness and their health. They still believe that human disease is caused by germs out there and that nothing they do matters. Very similar beliefs about mental disease dominated the nineteenth century thinking. Mental illness was thought to be caused by something foreign to the human body. Since it was a mental problem, it had to involve the human soul, and so the source of these problems was attributed to an invasion of evil spirits or possession by dark emotions. Since the mind was a reflection of the human soul, mental disturbance could only be caused by agents which troubled the soul, namely dark emotions. The attitude toward human emotions followed precisely the same line of thought. Emotions were viewed as a quality of the human soul; they were nonmaterial, and therefore had little to do with physical disease. Like mental disorders, emotional disorders were viewed as an indication of a disturbed soul and show how caused by evil spirits or dark emotions. If a person was emotionally upset, then he or she prayed for spiritual guidance. #RandolphHarris 3 of 9
Feeling management through public rituals allows the discharge of traumatic emotions. In some cultures, is in considered normal for hostile sentiments to be expressed publicly, like a short of live theater play, in noisy but mostly harmless encounters in which antagonists play to their audience, who intervene if a fight becomes too serious. These exaggerated dramas make hostility appear so intense as to be avoided when possible, and provide support for folk beliefs, such as a particular group of people are terrible when they fight. However, as you may know, anger, grief, fear, and embarrassment are unavoidable experiences in social life, but often cannot be discharged or resolved immediately because social controls. Rituals provide a dramatic frame that restimulates distressful emotion but also gives the person a sense of control or distance from the feeling, so that it may be discharged through catharsis. Most modern rituals are insufficiently involving emotion, however, and participants are overdistanced from their distress. An emotional emptiness has developed from a poverty of identifying rituals. Rituals have become and impersonal because we lack agreement on symbols as collective reference points. #RandolphHarris 4 of 9
We only have shallow feelings for romantic love, religious reverence, and esthetic sentiments. Because we do not sense that others share the same feeling and meaning. Emotions are serviceable habits and are expressed in a manner designed to effectively communicate to others what is being felt inside. Emotional expression serves definite purposes: they mobilize people into some definite course of actions, and/or they communicate a specific message to other people which leads them to behave in a certain fashion. The emotion of love is an exception to all the general rules—it is the strongest of all emotions, and yet it is the only one that has no peculiar means of expression. And, as you may know, emotions can significantly affect our physical and mental well-being. It is not betwixing that men and women, beset by emotional stresses, turn and go to faith healers and to others who recognize the reality of these unsettling states. Fear, when strong, expresses itself in cries, in efforts to hide or escape, in palpitations and trembling and these are just the manifestations that would accompany an actual experience of the evil feared. #RandolphHarris 5 of 9
The destructive passions are shown in a general tension of the muscular system, in gnashing of the teeth, beating on the chest like a bongo, clapping of the hands, and protrusion of the claws, in dilated eyes and nostrils in growls; and these are weaker forms of the actions that accompany killing of prey. The general law is that feeling passing a certain pitch, habitually vents itself in bodily action, and an overflow of nerve-force undirected by any motive, will manifestly take first the most habitual routes. If these emotions are to expressed and resolved, they start affecting the internal system. I grew up in a small farming town where water is the lifeblood of the community, and 30 percent of our water came from the snow melt, which was declining. The people in our society are constantly watching, worrying, and praying over the rain, irrigation rights, and water in general. People in our community are so preoccupied with the rain because it is a matter of survival. Under the stress and strain of our climate, sometime people were not always at their best. The city council, mayor and governor squabble over people who water their lawns, and they turned to the television news media to request that people report and confront their neighbors over water waste. #RandolphHarris 6 of 9
Sentiments are not differentiated through innate bodily patterning, but through interpretation of feeling according to cultural vocabularies of labels and meanings. It was innocent enough at first, but over the years people started targeting people with green lawns and would quarrel over water. Two mean who lived in our community who I will call Sam and Dean had a disagreement over water, and the two men allowed their disagreement to turn into resentment and then arguments—even to the point of threats. One August morning both men felt they were short of water and that it was being stolen. Angry words were exchanged; a scuffle ensured. Dean was a great man with a lot of strength, and Sam was equally yoked and tenacious. In the heat of the moment, the men had a fist fight. The next morning, Sam called the city out to issue Dean a fine for wasting water. However, Dean was economically challenged and because the fines kept adding it, his water was shut off. These two neighbors and best friends had fallen captive to their anger and let it destroy their lives. We should learn to resolve our differences early on, lest the passions of them moment escalate into physical or emotional cruelty, and we fall captive to our anger. #RandolphHarris 7 of 9
The social processes that create and shape love, hatred, envy, and other sentiments only enhance the richness and meaning of life. Make full haste to reduce arguments, eliminate ridicule, do away with criticism, and remove resentment and anger. We cannot afford to let such dangerous passions ruminate—not even one day. The lack of human companionship, the sudden loss of love, and chronic human loneliness are significant contributions to serious diseases (including cardiovascular disease) and premature death. The Savior asks us to forsake and combat evil in all its forms, and although we must forgive a neighbor who injures us, we should still work constructively to prevent that injury from being repeated. Forgiveness does not require us to accept or tolerate evil. It does not require us to ignore the wrong that we see in the World around us or in our own lives. However, as we abstain from sin, we must not allow hatred or anger to control our thoughts nor actions. Good human contact can alter and even eliminate the usual cardiac responses to fear and physical pain, and it can significantly influence the human ability to resist infectious diseases. #RandolphHarris 8 of 9
Forgiveness means that problems of the past no longer dictate our destinies, and we can focus on the future with God’s love in our hearts. “I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the Earth, when I restore your fortunes, before your eyes,” says the Lord (Zephaniah 3.20). May the seeds of unforgiveness that haunted my neighbors never be allowed to take root in our homes. May we pray to our Heavenly Father to help us overcome foolish id, resentment, and pettiness. May God help us to forgive and love, so that we may be friends with our Savior, others, and ourselves. All knowing, God grieves even at the mere thought of evil. Dear Lord, we are sorry that we have been naughty and disobeyed. Please forgive us for disobeying and help us to listen to your commandments. Thank you for loving us and removing our sins that weigh heavily on our conscience. There is more righteousness in the World and thank you for your compassion, grace, and everlasting life. And please grant from your divine mysteries all your mercies. #RandolphHarris 9 of 9
I Have Been Struck by the Way that Most People Finally Say Good-Bye!
The final good-bye does not involve words, almost as if words lone are insufficient to communicate their true feelings. The ideas that people gather over time about what a couple is supposed to be like is derived from overt messages and less direct influences from their family, neighborhood, school, ethnic community, racial, religious, and class identity. Management of feeling and expression enhances the functioning of groups by allowing continuity of action, building solidarity among members, and indicating status differences. Expressive control allows collective action to continue without the situation becoming redefined as the interrupted action or novelty that emotional arousal implies. To further highlight this illustration, expressive control suppresses the potential embarrassment in intimate examinations by a medical professional. Nonemotional voice tines and other nonintimate gestures suppress stress, giving the interaction a routine, technical meaning. A similar display rule in public settings shields onlookers from intimate gestures that would disrupt civil comportment. Kissing, fondling, and other gestures between lovers are normally prohibited in public settings. Intimate expressions remind onlookers that they are being excluded from a desirable relationship. Violators of this display rule are usually the young, tourists, and others who disregard public sensitivity. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
The most simple and direct type of human communication does not need words. Let us awaken tomorrow with all our zest and seal by embracing and creating life. Sentiment management can build group solidarity. The disruptive effects of envy are controlled universally by belief systems that proscribe envy, and by norms that diminish conditions for envy. These norms require that enviable goods be concealed from observation, that people show humility over good fortune, and that enviable objects or events be shared symbolically or materially. Solidarity can also be enhanced by evocation of humor. Laughter and humor among hospital patents has been observed to be invitations to decrease social distance, emphasizing shared experiences and common definitions of the situation. The liberating effect of joined laughter consists in the consensus that it brings about in a brief span of time. As soon as humans discovered the existence and function of the heart, they recognized that it was influenced by human companionship and love. Most of us have, at one time or another, felt our hearts beating rapidly when we are close to those we love or, occasionally, when we have been offended by others. Many of us have felt our heart sink, as if pressed by some crushing weight, after the loss of loved ones. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
The psychological impact of suddenly finding oneself a patient in a hospital can be devastating. Lying in bed with needles in one’s arms, tubes in one’s chest recording every heartbeat on a television screen, being forces to use a bedpan, threatened with imminent death, rendered totally helpless and dependent on others—the experience is shattering. As his heart blips ominously on a television screen next to his bed, a patient’s life is reduced to a few essentials. What does it all mean? Is he going to die? Would he have done anything differently? The World of the patient’s wife or children or loved ones is also reduced to a few stark essentials, for the man or woman they visit in such a unit may not be alive the next time they come back. What do you say in such circumstances—what can you sat to help—what is important to communicate? The very existence of units that house people faced with the imminent possibility of death helps outline in stark simplicity certain elementary facts about life. One of those is our basic need to communicate. We ought always to thank God for you, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you, and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. Assumptions are ideas which one holds to be true without any proof that they are true—things that are taken for granted. Some people are more gifted at living than others. They do have an effect on those around them, but the process stops there because there is no way of describing in technical terms just what it is they do. Expression management is a continual affirmation of a group’s structure of status and deference. We may claim statuses by displaying affective coolness when greater involvement would ordinarily be expected. Some male groups admire men who can attract and conquer a beautiful woman without becoming involved, or who can engage in homosexual prostitution while displaying affective detachment. Business managers are expected to control their emotional reactions, in contrast to ordinary workers who are not believed to be able to do so. The value of humanistic psychology is not limited to the mentally unwell. Its techniques can be useful in your life, but they should not be used to manipulate other people. Psychology can be most useful in helping you to become more fully human. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
High status includes the power to elicit beneficial and optimistic gestures from subordinates and to inhibit their hostile expressions. Smiling and laughter are usually offered upward in statues hierarchies, ostensibly indicating pleasant, egalitarian relations and concealing status differences temporarily when the later have invited a decrease in social distance. In traditional Far Eastern cultures, a subordinate is expected to conceal anger or sulk when criticized, and to mask these feelings by showing pleasure at being corrected. In contemporary New World societies, women are more likely than men to smile, even when angered or frustrated. Women’s initial facial expression of anger is masked or covered up instantly. Groups manage sentiments through the kinds of information they allow to enter open awareness. Growing numbers of physicians now recognize that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet, and exercise, but also to a large extent on the social and emotional healthy of the individual. A fully human person values human beings above material goods, and feels strongly that human rights are far more important than material rights. These also recognize they have a capacity for enjoyment and pleasure, and they try to be real and open in their relationships with others. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
People who are fully human are willing to risk another person’s reaction to his or her open expression of feelings. They use openness and authenticity, not to manipulate or control, but to share knowledge of oneself with others. Hatred is sustained by emphasizing an enemy’s perceived negative qualities, overlooking or explaining away anything favorable, and then directing hatred toward this contrast conception. Love between parents and their grown children may be strengthened by limited contact that allows earlier conflicts to be forgotten. Generational gaps in attitudes and behavior are accentuated by accurate knowledge about each other, weakening love bonds. Selective recall is sometimes a conscious feeling-management technique. College men reported control over jealousy by prohibiting any mention of their girlfriends’ previous lovers. The couple jointly censured anyone who indiscreetly disclosed information about the woman’s earlier relationships. Sentiments are managed by sensitivity and avoidance within the social framework of memory. “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you to, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders so that you will not be dependent on anybody (1 Thessalonians 4.11).” #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
When faces with danger or the threat of danger, human beings can derive an enormous sense of comfort from their fellow humans. Whether the danger is artificially contrived in a laboratory or part of the infinite variety of real life stresses, human beings instinctively seek out each other’s company in adverse circumstances. In all our distress and persecution, we are encouraged about you because of your faith. For now, we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord. How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you? Night and day, we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith. Now may our God and Father himself clear the way for us to come to you. May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and virtuous in the presence of our God and Father. When someone’s life is in mortal peril, the medical effectiveness of proper care is well documented. Incidence of sudden death dropped by 56 percent in hospitals that are trained to properly treat a person’s symptoms and offer emotional support. Also, it is clear that the heart of human relationships and human love ultimately moves belong anything that can be objectively described or measured. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
Love and Virtue—Joy to Continue Living Together
God did not call us to be impure, but to live a virtuous life. Therefore, those who reject this instruction does not reject humanity but God, who gives us this virtuous Spirit. For each unsuccessful or incomplete relationship in your past, there are also moments for you to honor. Effective social communication does not require feelings to be consistent with expressive gestures. Displaying a gesture in the absence of any corresponding feeling is a form of obeisance to society, showing that one recognizes the appropriate sentiment even if he or she does not feel it. Mouring is not a natural movement of private feelings, but is a duty imposed by the group. It is a ritual attitude one is forced to adopt out of respect for custom, but which is, in large measure, independent of one’s affective state. While people do feel the loss of an individual when they pass into Heaven, and it can take years to let go of the pain from their departure from Earth, even a lifetime for some, certain cultures are also made to mourn publicly to show respect. For instance, after the passing of her daughter and husband, Mrs. Sarah Winchester was celibate and never remarried, nor did she allow men, who were not her employees, into her mansion. She also wore black and abstained from social functions and kept to herself, she did not even allow photographers or painters to reproduce her image out of respect for her husband. #RandolphHarris 1 of 9
We have been taught by God to love each other. People learn more about themselves from each missed connection, bruised feeling, or wounded heart. These situations are valuable building blocks in the creation of our whole self. The aim of learning through soul is to increase porosity on the side of giving out and to reduce it on the side of taking in. This is not an abstract process, but something that can be seen in the World. Our Sun is the best instance of porosity that gives out and does not take in. Our Sun is a star, and all the stars gives out without taking in, until they die and become a blackhole. Life is the most beautiful and precious thing upon the Earth and has the power to pull down kings and princesses. Western civilization has been described as the gradual domestication of impulsive expression—an increasing tendency to self-consciously check our behavior and mold it to group standards. Public expression of affect has been controlled by an intensifying range and rigor of restraints since the Middle Ages. Violations of display rules are met with shame, embarrassment, and disgust in an ever-broadening scope of situations. People are free and all things are given to them which are expedient to humanity. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through God. #RandolphHarris 2 of 9
For middle-class parents, deviant and immature temper may signal serious difficulty in an individual’s attempt at self-mastery. Colonial Americas believed that feeling can be channeled, but its basic nature cannot be altered. Social control was directed at regulating behavior, rather than at shaping inner impulses. A belief that emotion is disclosed involuntarily and inevitably became widespread in the nineteenth century. If a person were genuinely moved, the feeling would show beyond any power of the person to conceal it. Withdrawal from feeling itself became the only recourse, if one’s feelings were not to be read by others in public through gestures, slips in speech, and other cues. Suppression of both feeling and gestures made them consistent. These cultural values and beliefs are reflected in expression and feeling management when we indicate their meaning to the social self. And not choose eternal death, according to the will of the flesh and the evil which is therein, which gives the spirit of the adversary power to captivate, to bring you down to hell, that he may reign over you in his own kingdom. Soul learning does not consist of the internalization of knowledge, the determination of right mean, the achievement of accuracy, but is to be found in what sounds right. #RandolphHarris 3 of 9It was discovered in ancient psychology that the soul sings. At one time, it was possible to hear celestial sounds as one viewed the aurora borealis, which the solar particles blown into the Earth’s magnetic field more than 60 miles above the Earth’s surface. The movement of the planets in their relation to each other could be heard. We manage our feelings and gestures after indicating to ourselves the probable meaning that they would have for other people. We transform feeling and expression according to their implications for our self-conception, our more stable, continuous, unifying idea of the real me. A self-conception is a working compromise between one’s ideals and values and the self-images one infers from how others react to one’s feelings and behavior. Some self-images will be accepted as representative of one’s self-conception, but other images will be rejected as spurious or unrepresentative of one’s real, deeper identity. In situations and relationships that we value in relation to self, we pursue credit for optimistic images, and seek to avoid responsibility for feelings and acts that generate negative self-images. #RandolphHarris 4 of 9
We manage expression and feeling by taking our self-conception into account in at least three ways: assuming or avoiding responsibility for a sentiment, detecting social support for the meaning of a sentiment, and committing oneself to a relationship. Our-self image in a situation reflects the appropriateness of our feeling; we feel proud or guilty about feeling a certain way. The incongruity between a trifling event and a deep sense of shame can evoke a double shame; we are ashamed because of the original episode and shame because we feel so deeply about something so slight that a sensible person would not pay any attention to it. If we do not modify our feelings into an appropriate quality and intensity, it becomes merged with our moral reaction to it. For example, we may feel guilty love if, as in traditional Japan, love marriages are defined as selfish. Even in modern Japan, individuals who have contracted love marriages are often reported to feel considerable guilt about it. However, keep in mind, you are the author and can go back to check out all the separate parts of your story when you need to. Reviewing old relationships is hard work emotionally, no matter how carefully one has been trying to use the past as material to study in the service of creating a healthier present. #RandolphHarris 5 of 9
Society requires us to undertake many actions for which we do not want to assume full responsibility. These actions may have uncertain outcomes, or conflict with our predispositions not to perform them. Feeling management that intensifies feeling can facilitate these behaviors while shielding the self from responsibility. A functionally determined emotion carries one through the situation, such as the bitterness which enters into the divorce process and so often disappears just afterwards. The institutionalized irrationality of romantic love overcomes self-restraint in courtship and guides lovers into marriage, although rational self-seeking might dictate against this certain commitment. A socially structured and legitimated passion conquers doubt and gives behavior spontaneity, while exempting the self from full responsibility for its outcome. How does this intensification of feeling occur? Emotion is the experience of passivity, during which we interpret our behavior as being beyond our control. Deeply internalized desires and aversions erupt as compelling passions. The soldier for whom fury or courage has become second nature rushes into combat in spite of its dangers. #RandolphHarris 6 of 9
Overwhelmed by emotion, we enact socially prescribed punishment even through other norms forbid aggression. The self is not held responsible for violating those norms, however, because it was passive within the experience of emotion. The passive self may be an important interpretation we make within romantic love, jealousy, indignation, and other intense sentiments. For example, a study found that students who believed that life events are generally caused by external forces beyond their control reported falling in love more often than others, and viewed love as a mysterious, emotional experience. However, there are consequences. Samantha, for instance, learned her lesson about lack of self-control. She grew more self-blaming when she began to watch herself distancing from Darren. She had fled from her first marriage to escape the burden of being forced to be a mother to her husband. Her leaving reinforced her growing image of herself as hard-hearted and unfair. However, she had not adequately resolved her decision to leave her first marriage, so her self-blame became almost immobilizing as she felt herself pulling away from Darren. Moreover, the self also enters into feeling and expression management by restraining sentiments that we anticipate would not be validated meaningfully by a particular person or group. #RandolphHarris 7 of 9
By fully engaging in almost any form of group or community, we will have more people to learn from, people whose actions and ways of being can teach us a lot about relationships. This can be particularly helpful when one has been stuck in a narrow, little emotional room filled with our solitary thoughts about closeness, or when we have been limiting oneself to the thoughts and beliefs contained within our couple relationship. In some cultures, jealousy is nothing short of a crime. Some societies have a code, and if one is hurt in these light affairs, one must expect no sympathy. So, if one falls in love, one conceals it from one’s friends as best one can. Our self-indication of a sentiment’s meaning to others may lead us to segregate it from another sentiment that an audience would see as being incompatible. For example, Samantha and Darren were undergoing marital separation, and much like others, they desired to re-unit, at least temporarily, but they also wanted to express anger against one another. A common pattern that has been observed was couples would meet secretly to express affection, concealed from the social circle of kin and friends who had observed the bitter rivalry in the couple and would not understand the contradictory sentiment. That is why it is best for us to stay out of people’s business when they have a dispute. #RandolphHarris 8 of 9
Feeling management may reflect the self as a commitment to a relationship the supplementary character of faithfulness is directed toward the continuance of the relationship, independently of the original forces that brought it about. Communes, families, fraternal organizations, and other groups require love as a voluntary, responsible commitment to enhance the lives and growth of other persons. Groups foster love by eliminating sources of seduction, subversion, and competing loyalties. Love is routinized to promote steady, unrewarded care, effort, and self-sacrifice. People withdraw from commitments by rationing or restricting feeling. Women, more than men, report diminishing their love consciously in faltering relationships. Women also identify more problems in their heterosexual relationships, and women’s scores on a longitudinal measure of love predict relationship outcomes better than do the love scores of their male partners. The more vulnerable and emotionally perceptive partner is likely to modulate feeling more consciously in response to relationship trends. “It is God’s will that we should be sanctified: that we should avoid sexual immorality; that each of us should learn to control our own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like a heathen, who does not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong their family nor take advantage of them. The Lord will punish people for all such sins, as we have already told you (1 Thessalonians 4.3-4).” #RandolphHarris 9 of 9
Keeping His Covenant to Love a Thousand Generations
We evoke, suppress, and transform our sentiments. It reminds me of that song by 24hrs called What You Like. “I would not mind if you stay the night. Send your first and last name for the flight. Don’t confuse me with all the hype. I’m your type, I know what you like. On the Instagram I see all the likes.” Instagram is a social media site where people post pictures on like a rotisserie, and as you move along the rotisserie of pictures, you can scroll past or like them. If you are not readily curious about other people, be patient with yourself. There are powerful reasons why you have not been able to protect and develop your natural capacity for curiosity. As we become more aware of ourselves as individual, in noncouple relationships, this allows us to develop awareness about ourselves in how we connect with friends, family, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, and others and this is an important part of learning who we are successfully. Be just and walk uprightly before God; and observe to do good continually, keep the commandments of the Lord our God. God never made a promise that was too good to be true. Know that God is faithful, keeping his covenant to love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. #RandolphHarris 1 of 5
Expression management is the intentional display of gestures that differ from inner feeling. Feeling management modifies the cognitive and somatic experience of a sentiment. Both types of affective control are guided by normative and strategic considerations in social relationships. For example, a wife may believe that she no longer loves her husband as much as she thinks she should. She may increase her expressions of affection toward him so as to conceal her loss of feeling (individual expression management), or may try to regenerate her love feelings by thinking about his virtues and his love for her (individual feeling management). If she tells him that her love is waning, they may decide to just keep up public appearances of affection (collective expression management), or may attempt to revitalize love by seeking new experiences together (collective feeling management). Expression management is guided by conscious strategies to convey a certain impression of ourselves to a social audience, and by our more habitual following of display rules, cultural norms for appropriate expressions in a given situation. #RandolphHarris 2 of 5
Expression control can be observed even in one-year-old children, who make visible efforts to hold back tears or who smile as a social greeting. Four-year-olds can pose facial expressions upon request and are soon able to explain many norms about situational appropriate affective expression. We often qualify a facial expression by adding a further expression as a comment on the first, such as blending a smile into an angry look. We also modulate a facial expression, show more or less intensity than we actually feel. We falsify our facial expressions in several ways. We may simulate a feeling when we have none. We may show an impassive, neutral face to conceal an inner feeling. Finally, we often mask an expression that we do feel with another expression that we do not feel. This typology may be extended to the analysis of nonfacial gestures, voice tones, postures, and other expressive cues. Failures to communicate successfully in past relationships can cause people to set up rigid rules for their new relational efforts. This can happen when someone feels inadequate, attacked, or betrayed in an earlier relationship. We modify our interpretations of a relationship and may also alter our bodily sensations and reactions to the person. #RandolphHarris 3 of 5
Affectivity versus affective neutrality is a choice faced by individual and groups in forming a given relationship. When should impulses be gratified freely, and when should they be subordinated to social interest? Normative and strategic considerations induce us to reflect upon feeling and alter it. In an experimental study, subjects used strategies of cognitive detachment or involvement to self-regulate their affective reactions to filmed stressful situations, and thus altered their bodily reactions, such as heart rate and skin conductance. We all have certain images of ourselves or stories we tell to ourselves and others about who we are. Usually, this is a combination of who we want to be and who we really are. Sometimes, we also tell the story of ourselves in a very negative light, emphasizing what we cannot do, or what we always do wrong, or the mistakes we have made and cannot let go of. Perhaps many of us do not know what we are feeling in our conscious mind, but our body tell us by creating physical pain, jumpiness, numbness, or others signs of distress. However, our bodies are also designed to let us know when we are starting to get comfortable with a new idea or behavior or interaction. This may be indicated by a pleasant sensation of our muscles relaxing, or an overall sensation of lightness. #RandolphHarris 4 of 5
Feeling rules are social guidelines that delineate a range of appropriate feeling for a situation or relationship. For example, a brother should love or like his sister, but should feel neither hatred nor romantic passion toward her. We discuss our feelings as if rights and obligations apply to them, and react with approval r disapproval to signs of each others’ feelings. We try to make our feelings coincide with feeling rules by doing cognitive, bodily, or expressive work. If we have no reason to feel ashamed in front of a person, for example, we may try to change our imagination of how they thing of us (cognitive), or try not to wince inside when we see them coming (bodily), or try not to look away or blush as they pass us (expressive). Some people use an idealized past relationship to keep all the possible later partners at a distance. This is often the case when one person finds another person like oneself, and experiences playing hard to get maneuvers as a way to stay safe and because it is tantalizing. Both during and after the relationship, the couple may idealize everything about the former partner, and the relationship without recognizing that what they are idealizing is the perfect mirror image. God will finish what he started and it may be a good idea to hold on and wait for your gold standard. #RandolphHarris 5 of 5
Angels in the Early Morning Stand at Your Gate
When you do not get everything you need, the deprivation can help you become very resourceful by learning some great survival skills, like not passively waiting for someone else to provide for you. Generalization of a sentiment allows a person to make sense out of a new relationship by analogy to a more familiar one. Compassion, liking, shame, and other sentiments in adulthood are generalized from childhood primary group relations. Religious sentiments are generalized from family clan relationships, so that a deity (God) may be imputed moral authority, perpetual dependence by worshippers, and will be visualized as exacting but benevolent, like elders to a child. No person can be saved, accord to the words of God, save they shall have faith in his name; wherefore, if these things have ceased, then has faith ceased also; and awful is the state of humanity, for they are as though there had been no redemption made. However, if a person has faith one must also have faith; for without faith there cannot be any hope. Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that you may be filled with this love, which he has bestowed upon all who are true. So, when God shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
When individuals are pushed into a place where one has to keep oneself alert to avoid being hurt, one often develops excellent observation skills and survival instincts. These individuals tend to see what is going on around them faster then those who grew up protected by the adults in their lives. If one has witnessed a lot of dysfunctional behavior, it may have helped the individual learn how to avoid potentially harmful situations and people. If one’s parents were harsh and not protective, it may cause individuals to have strengthened their determination to be healthier in one’s own adult life. The selective combination of person symbols into a sentiment may cumulate across many relationships. Romantic love, for instance, may incorporate a selection of emotional reactions from previous relationship. As a composite of previous loves, romantic attraction is felt when a partner is found who reintegrates favorite aspects of family members, friends, and earlier romantic lovers. Romance’s intensity is increased by the sudden discovery in one person of these formerly separate, desired qualities associated with previous lovers. This discovery evokes the set of earlier love responses simultaneously. Religious feeling may develop similarly through summation of different sensations, memories, and other affective elements into a sentiment. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
Religious sentiment builds from a merger of feelings experiences in collective singing, esthetic responses to music and religious adornments, emulations of the service leader’s example, the facial and gestural expression of other worshippers, and other sensations and impressions across many episodes of worship. “Pray for those who are lost that repentance may come unto them. However, behold, I fear lest the Spirit has ceased striving with them; and in this part of the land they are also seeking to put own all power and authority which comes from God; and they are denying the Holy Ghost (Moroni 8.28).” You may have many more strengths that you are not aware of because of having been less fortunate than other children in how you were nurtured and raised. Keep in mind that within our vulnerabilities is structure that has been erected by the architect of consummate skill and fidelity; its foundations are solid, its compartments are beautiful, as well as useful; its arrangements are full of wisdom and order and its defenses are impregnable from without. It has been reared for immortality, if the individual may greatly aspire to such a title. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
In addition to consistency and personal symbols of sentiments, a child learns to apply a sentiment as an interactional technique and resource. The strategic effect of its expression become part of the sentiment’s social meaning. For example, shame or guilt are often learned as defensive tactics that deter punishment when they are displayed. Sentiments are learned not only as ideals, but also as practical resources for interaction, depending on how others respond to the child’s various attempts at strategic expression. Children’s humor is initially a private enjoyment of incongruous symbolic relations among familiar objects. If people are responsive and socially rewarding, children learn to initiate joking and clowning as a social affective resource. Sentiments are socialized to some degree outside the primary group, through impersonal media such as books, films, and music. A content analysis of manners books found that books addressed to the youngest children stressed polite overt behavior and the ideal outcomes of friendships. Greetings, honesty, and other overt, ideals means to build friendships were described. In contrast, books for adolescents emphasized social techniques and less ideal outcomes. Selfishness and jealousy were portrayed as facts of human nature. The books recommended pretenses, concealment of eagerness, skillful avoidance of undesired friends, and other strategies as effective for friendship and romance. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants fire in our hearts and bring peace to our minds. It is fairly common to react to old memories by lapsing into old, dysfunctional forms of trying to protect yourself. When you were a vulnerable little child, you may have tired to protect yourself from your pain, fear, or stress by one of the universal, instinctive responses to danger; that is, to become defensive, try to escape, or become numb. Now that you are an adult, your tactics of self-protection many not be as obvious as your childhood responses were. Impersonal media are especially influential in a complex, literate society such as ours, but are not a new socialization process. The influential love films, Love Triangle (a Markiss McFadden film), Home Again, Romeo Must Die, and Queen of the Damned, Stuck in Love, Fear and Legally Blonde socialized audiences into turbulent suffering and ecstasy to be experienced in courtly love that is compressed into two hours on the screen. Stages of love—hesitation, pleading, acceptance, and love service—were described. A list of love’s rules was followed by case studies of happy and ill-fated love affairs. These films have become the paradigm for modern romantic love. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Impersonal media socialize a diversity of sentiments. Lovelorn advice columns, religious tracts, guides to living, and other media are directed to shape our definition and expression of sentiments. Popular psychology books instruct us how to open up to grief, overcome shyness, read others’ body language for erotic attraction, and how to say no without feeling guilty. Most popular songs like I Refuse by Aaliyah, Unusual You by Britney Spears, Stars are Blind by Paris Hilton, Halo by Beyonce, Faking It by Calvin Harris, Cry for You by Marilyn Manson and Korn, Number One by Dev, We’re All We Need by Above and Beyond featuring Zoe Johnston, Angel by Anita Baker, If Only You Knew by Pattie Labelle and Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller are just a few examples of the many popular songs about love. Their lyrics provide love’s vocabulary and the symbols through which it can be recognized. Music arouses appropriate moods as one hears how falling in love feels and what course love follows. Novels like House of Mirth by Edith Wharton and So You Call Yourself a Man by Carl Weber depicts vividly how sentiments begin, develop, and end in a relationship. “My love, do you know that your eyes are like stars brightly beaming? I bring your and sing you a moonlight serenade (Midnight Serenade by Glenn Miller).” #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Randolph Harris II International Institute 