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There is No Secret of Success—Success is for Everyone
No advice on success works unless you do. Your life becomes better only when you become better. Beware of the barrenness of an overcrowded life. The secret of the heart is its pressing love of self. The purpose of history—what happens at any time is not simply or wholly the effect of what has already happened; and event is dependent upon its past as the material upon which activity may be expended, but it is also a new and fresh expenditure of activity upon that material. What occurs is reconstruction, transformation, remaking. What was is thus pushed back into the past, and what becomes takes the place of what was. Time does not move from past through present to future; rather, it moves from the possible to the actual, that is, from one of the potentialities of what formerly was to a single actuality which is brought into existence by an action (whether that action be unconscious chance or conscious choice) upon what was. What comes to us from the past offers us opportunities and often imposes cruel limitations, but it does not make our choices for us. Rather, it allows us to realize our ends insofar as we have understanding of the potentialities it contains. #RandolphHarris 1 of 10
History has no one end; it includes many processes with their many, often incompatible, ends. And human choices, insofar as they are intelligent, may well be effective to some degree. A naturalistic theory of nature thus issues in a humanistic theory of man. Habitual inattention is sometimes attributed to great genius, but we cannot endorse that idea. Such a peculiarity of manner is subversive of all politeness, and tends to shut a person within oneself, and make one of little importance in life. There are some young persons, however, who delight to pass for geniuses or originals, and they think it very interesting to appear as if in a “brown study” while in the company of others. They like to seem entirely absorbed, and are delighted if anyone observes their eccentricities. Such manners are entirely at variance with good-breeding. If a person speak to you ever so foolishly or frivolously, it is the height of ill manners not to heed what he or she says; and if he or she every forces conversation upon you, it is unkind, to say the least, to assume a perfectly indifferent demeanor. #RandolphHarris 2 of 10
Besides, you cannot offer anyone more flattering attention than by that pleasing deference which, though it may involve somewhat of a sacrifice yet, is worth making. It is a good rule to endeavor to please everyone as far as is possible for us to do without too great a breach of sincerity. In this country, free and easy manners are too prevalent; but space would fail us to particularize all the little trifles in which even well-bred persons sometimes fall short. We will, however, briefly remark, that nothing can be more adverse to good manners than the habit of sitting with the hat on in the house—be it in the parlor, dining-room, kitchen, store, or office; or then yawning and whispering in company, lounging upon the chairs, by tipping them back upon two legs; taking the best seat in the room, and keeping them when your elders enter; or standing with the back to an open fire, when other persons are near it; and last, but not least, spitting into the fire, etc. These practices are deemed almost peculiar to our country, and have been severely animadverted upon by European travelers in our midst. #RandolphHarris 3 of 10
Not only that, but during police investigations, when people are suspected of crimes and refuse to give a DNA sample (in order to match the blood or body fluid to a crime scene) investigators will be undercover, watching you and waiting for you to spit on the ground or drop a cigarette so that they can collect your DNA and tie you to the crime. They will photograph or video tape you so they can prove that they legally obtained the same from you, even without you knowing. The evidence can be disputed. However, if you do not know the victim, then your DNA has no business being at the crime scene. And if you know the victim, you better hope you have a good reason for living your DNA behind. So be care when you spit or liter, and realize there is usually a witness to everything that happens. A man or woman may have virtue, capacity, and good habits, and yet his or her lack of good-breeding may made him or her unendurable to those who are well-bred. There are three classes of people; lovers of wisdom, lovers of honor, and lovers of gain. #RandolphHarris 4 of 10
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. If a person neglects education, one walks lame to the end of one’s life. The style and manner which we neglect as too trifling for us to heed, are often the things by which the World judges us. There are many little matters of personal bearing and conduct which must be attended to, if we desire to be agreeable to society. It is useless to say that such a man or woman, whose attire is neglected, whose whole appearance bespeaks the sloven, is a good and able man or woman and therefore must be agreeable and pleasing. His or her ability and goodness are, doubtless, desirable qualities, but the personal juxtaposition of the individual is insupportable to those who are accustomed to cleanliness and refinement. Not that it is essential that every person should be externally elegant, or an adept in the rules which constitute good-breeding; but no one can hope to be admired and sought after, who is addicted to conspicuous uncleanliness, the special tendency of which is to inspire painful feelings in those around him or her. #RandolphHarris 5 of 10
Never by monkeyish or clownish—attempting to introduce the manners of the circus into the house. Some rude boys and girls seem to ride themselves upon their exhibitions of low, vulgar tricks, antic gestures, foolish jests, and odd, slangy expression. This is an example of the contrast between the brilliant skill, ingenuity, and care bestowed upon observation and experiment in biology, and the almost complete neglect of caution in regard to the definition and use of etiquette and good breeding. The effect of this has been to arrest the development of the life sciences. They cause chronic controversies and antitheses of biology, such as those between mechanism and vitalism, preformation and epigenesist, teleology and causation, structure and function, organism and environment, and body and mind. Such low, shameful vulgarity may excite the laughter of foolish persons, for the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness; but no one possessing common sense can see such behavior without disgust and abhorrence. And every person that acts like the buffoon puts oneself on the level with a clown, and lowers oneself in the estimation of the good and the wise. #RandolphHarris 6 of 10
Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue. Be polite, respectful and modest to all, and especially to your elders and superiors. There is nothing more disgusting than a youth who assumes an air of disrespect and self-importance towards one’s superiors, equals, or inferiors. Never stare people in the face. It is exceedingly impolite, and a certain mark of ill-breeding to stare idly at strangers or anyone, as though you were entirely unused to seeing visitors. In conversing with anyone, however, it is right to look him or her in the face, with cheerful, dignified and respectful assurance. Never jerk, twitch or slam doors or window blinds; but endeavor to be cautious and gentle in all your motions. No well-bred child will ever slam a door in anger, or even give it a strong twitch. Never enter a house or parlor with your boots all mud and slush, or sit down with your hat or cap on. Never go up and down stairs, or about the house, with the speed or a trotting horse and the tread of an elephant; step lightly, quickly, and orderly. Never be rude and boisterous with your young friends. You can share in all kinds of sports, and yet never lose the command of yourself so as to become hoydenish and bold. #RandolphHarris 7 of 10
Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge. Avoid loud screaming and rude merriment. Remember what Lear says of Aaliyah: “Her voice was ever sweet, gentle and low; and excellent thing in a woman. If we will study to introduce home etiquette into our families; to learn to be always courteous—always conciliatory—always well-bred—we should find that we had gained an immeasurable amount of happiness and the rest of our lives will be the best of our lives. Negligence and carelessness with regard to the little amenities of life, are the fruitful source of much domestic unhappiness. Good manners are to the family, what good morals are to society, their cement and their security. We think not that we daily see about our hearts—angels that are to be, or may be if they will, and we prepare their souls and ours to meet in happy air—a child, a friend, a wife whose soft heart sings in unison with ours, breeding its future wings. We should continue to turn to God as children, being continuously converted every day of our lives. #RandolphHarris 8 of 10
Almighty God, who, when the hearts of your people have grown cold, send your Holy Spirit to relight the flame of your love in their hearts, and raise up faithful ministers to recall your people to their former devotion and service. Mercifuly grant that we, following the teachings and example of Teresa of Avila, may be filled with your Holy Spirit, may be aflame with zeal for your glory and love for your goodness and hunger for your love, and that our feet may be set upon the path that leads to true holiness. We ask through Jesus Christ our Lord. Bless it be. You may be discouraged because your plans did have not worked out, but those closed doors were not an accident. That was God directing your steps. The reason God closed them because he has something better in store. Will you trust God? Gods ways are not our ways, they are better than our ways. There will be times when you do not get what you want, and you cannot understand why not. You may be experiencing that right now. Will you stay in faith while you wait to see what God is up to? #RandolphHarris 9 of 10
Our first scrape generally leads to our first travel. Disappointment requires change of air; desperation change of scene. God is wonderful in his design and excellent in his process and projects and houses. Believer, God overrules all things for your good. Your course is mapped out by your Lord. Nothing will take God by surprise. There will be no novelties to God. Real satisfaction comes not in understanding God’s motives, but in understanding his character, in trusting in his promises, and in leaning on him and resting in God as the Sovereign who knows what he is doing and does all things well. Perhaps there is a pattern set up in the Heavens for one who desires to see it, and having seen it, to find one in oneself. Time—I see it not, I feel it not: it is but a shadowy name—a succession of breathings measured forth by night by the clank of a bell, by day by a shadow crossings along a dialstone. Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements. Protect your dreams. Feed them. Nurture them. Encourage them to grow, Care for them. For someday, they may take care of you. #RandolphHarris 10 of 10
Chicken, Chicken! why did you Not have Beef or Moose Meat Stew?
Living bodies are machines, but machines directed toward the fulfillment of God’s purposes. My father was a business man and I am a business man, too! I want this philosophical work to be businesslike, to settle things. Sometimes, lighthearted moments become somber, when one is dismayed by the insincerity, vanity, and coldness of the human heart. Two people can be friends only if both of them are pure, so that they can be completely open with one another without causing offense. A relationship founded on hypocrisy, censorious, suspicion, and demands is intolerable. Human kindness and human concern are more important attributes in a person than intellectual power or cultivated taste. Many people have an acute need for friendship, and it is striking when one can meet a friend who displays generosity. Children and assistants are greatly influenced by the demeanor of masters and mistress of the house; and the husband who addresses his wife, in their presence, in a derogatory manner, does both himself and her a decided injury. While the wife, on her part, is equally bound to show all due respect to her husband. #RandolphHarris 1 of 15
Every human being possesses an innate perception of what is right. Children and servants are not exceptions to this general rule; and those of us who indulge in unkind expressions towards each other, lower ourselves more than we can, perhaps, understand in the opinions of those about us. Empirical psychology studies the powers of the soul as they are discovered by inner senses. There are two general fields of the soul—the cognitive powers and the will (which includes the feelings of pleasure and pain). The cognitive powers begin with the inferior faculty, or sensibility, because knowledge comes only from sensation. There is a pre-established harmony of soul and body. The soul is an immaterial substance possessing the power of representing the Universe and free will. Rationally, the soul is simple and immortal. The structure of the World and the objects in it are aimed at the fulfillment of God’s wise ends and the study of this method is a good method of studying nature. Good is what increases our perfection and evil is what diminishes it, and perfection is an objective metaphysical concept. #RandolphHarris 2 of 15
Therefore, moral and juridical laws do not depend on God’s will, but on the structure of being. They can be discovered by natural reason independent of Christian revelation. In many cases, a feeling of dislike is engendered, which no after circumstances can obliterate—a feeling near akin to contempt, also; for who can cherish respect for individuals who cannot govern themselves? Human beings are moved to acts by the rational representation of perfection and obligations or duties independent of rewards and punishment for carrying them out. Sin arises when sensibility prevails over reason; but sensibility is ruled by free will. A generous-minded boy will never forget the unkind and taunting words which he has heard an irritable and ill-governed father address to his dearly loved mother; nor will either girls or boys forget similar breaches of politeness and good-breeding exhibited by their mother towards the father. Truly, we have need of patience! and in the family circle it is one of the brightest virtues. #RandolphHarris 3 of 15
Ethics are based on an empirical psychology that describes the virtues, passions, and practical customs. Theology and ethics entirely are the foundation of natural reason. By reason, we mean scientific thought rather than common sense. The human intellect must be extended beyond the limits traditionally set for it by the German philosophical schools. “Cannot you both have patience?” murmured a little gentle boy once in our hearing, while his parent were indulging in unseemly bickerings, and there was a whole volume of reproof in that one sentence. William Wirt Winchester, a pattern of good-breeding, tells his son that—“The most familiar and intimate habitudes, connections and friendships, require a degree of good-breeding both to preserve and cement them. The best of us have our bad sides; and it is an imprudent as it is ill-bred to exhibit them. I shall not use ceremony with you, it would be misplaced between us; but I shall certainly observe that degree of good-breeding which, I am sure, is absolutely necessary to make us like one another’s company long.” #RandolphHarris 4 of 15
This is the best advice which can be given to husbands and wives, parents and children, and also to relatives and friends. The foundation of religion consists in moral distinctions among the acts of humans, whether they be good, evil, or indifferent, is an intelligent and free agent. Truth is the expression of things as they are, and vice constitutes a rejection of the truth; to deny things as they are is virtually to deny the existence of God. To follow nature is to follow God. This does not mean, however, that one should follow exclusively the inclinations of one’s individual nature. Since no one is purely rational, each individual must consider the nature of others. The great law of religion is for each person not to contradict truth, but to treat everything as it really is. Happiness is based on the pleasure—pain thesis, pain being a real evil, pleasure a real good. Ultimate happiness is the excess of pleasure over pain, and it is the duty of everyone to make oneself as happy as possible consonant with the happiness of others. #RandolphHarris 5 of 15
The habit of bantering, which is so often adopted by married people before children and assistances, is very undesirable, and frequently leads to serious consequences. How does a man know what is true? The husband will give a ridiculous appellation to the wife, which will raise a laugh at her expense; but in the end, it may lower him far more than the mother in the opinion of the children; and in their turn, they will often feel more respect and affection for the mother than for the father. Nothing can be more injurious, or inconsistent with true politeness and good-breeding, than the constant habit of fault-finding concerning little petty trifles, when indulged in by either husband or wife, in the presence of others or by themselves. There are men who never come to the table but they will find fault with the dishes served upon it. If roast beef is the chief dish, they will say:–“Chicken, Chicken! why did you not have beef or moose meat stew? I am tired of this everlasting chicken!” #RandolphHarris 6 of 15
Or vice versa. No matter what the wife may have provided, such a man will always evince a desire for something else. We reason about particulars, or from them; but not by them. Action according to right reason and action according to truth are identical. This is the general law laid down by the author of nature, and this constitutes the religion of nature. The senses are inferior to reason but are to be followed, nevertheless, when not contrary to reason. In instances where certainty concerning the truth is unobtainable, one may act on probability but always under the guide of reason. The necessity of education by the cultivation of reason is thus demonstrated. Man’s desires, his passions, must be submitted to reason. Since man is individual and the principles of reason are universal, the laws of nature forbid the individual to transgress the rights of others. All injustice is wrong and evil, and compassion is one of the highest virtues. Man is to be regarded not only as an individual, but also as a social creature, and the purpose of society is common welfare of all the people. #RandolphHarris 7 of 15
Human-made laws are not infallible, but may require alteration from time to time, and no human-made law should contradict a law of nature. Since mutual defense is one of the great ends of society, war against aggression is legitimate and necessary. Now, were the gentleman accused of fault-finding, he would indignantly deny it; and he may be a kind and good and true husband and father, and only have inadvertently fallen into this habit of not being satisfied with what has been provided. A good way to cure him, would be for the wife to hand him a pencil and a card every morning as he leaves the house, and request him to put down what he desires for dinner; so that the daily fault-finding can be, in measure, averted. This would convince him of his practice of picking flaws in the menage; and go far towards effecting a reformation in it. Half of us find fault from habit; but some of us, we fear, do so from an inborn ugliness of disposition. #RandolphHarris 8 of 15
Of the latter class we have little hopes; but the former can cure themselves—and it pleases them. Bad habits are very easily acquired; therefore, young persons must take special pains to avoid them. We are always disgusted with sons and daughters who do not show a marked respect to their parents, elders, and superiors; and who do not scruple to contradict them, and set up their own opinions, with the utmost pertinacity, against those of their parents. And why should our young men put aside the honored name of “Father,” and substitute for it the objectionable words “Governor” or “Old Man?” Some persons may reply, “What signifies a name?” A great deal; and Father is a holy name, given to us directly from God, the Father of all humankind; and he who attains to that rank and stands as a father of the family, occupies a high position, and his children should recognize his sacred office and give him the name assigned to it. #RandolphHarris 9 of 15
No one thinks of calling his mother “Governess” or “Mrs. Governor.” If a daughter should attempt it, it would be esteemed highly irreverent and ridiculous; yet it is not in reality any more absurd a practice. Young persons often fall into erroneous habits from want of thought; therefore, it is needful to remind out young friends of certain little discrepancies regarding good-breeding, which they should carefully endeavor to avoid. Good manners are taught in the house, by line upon line and precept upon precept. Undoubtedly, a well-bred father and mother will not have so much difficulty in rearing polite and well-mannered children as those who are the reverse—not because they ae born so, perhaps; but because, as we have said before, good manners are learned by imitation more readily than by precept and rule. It follows from God’s perfect justice that humans are immortal and that the iniquities and evils of this World will be corrected; a particular providence and a future state necessarily exist. #RandolphHarris 10 of 15
And the God of nature, who is the God of reason and the God of justice, is to be worshipped. Let brothers and sisters be taught to respect each other’s rights; be as thoughtful to please, and as watchful to avoid anything which will perplex and annoy each other, as they would be to a young guest whom they desired to honor; and they will then learn a due observance of home etiquette and politeness. Rude and rough boys are often allowed to treat their sisters in a very disagreeable, overbearing manner, and annoy them on every occasion, by breaking up their baby houses, cutting their hair off their dolls, and destroying their playthings, and speaking very slightingly of “the girls.” We consider such behavior as exceedingly reprehensible, and entirely at variance with all rules of good-breeding. Such boys will also make unkind and rude husbands; for by being permitted to exhibit and indulge such traits of character in their youth, they will be likely to indulge in them in their manhood, and pursue the same pleasing pastimes in their own families. #RandolphHarris 11 of 15
A sister is the best judge of a brother’s abilities in playing the role of a good husband. And a brother can estimate very fairly the position which a sister would hold in a husband’ home. We delight in the freedom of childhood; in its merry—quips and cranks and wanton wiles; and in the cheerfulness of youth, and its many delights and pleasures; but still more charming is the gentlemanly demeanor of brothers toward their sisters. Boastful persons, and such as disregard truth in their statements, are usually to be avoided; these sins, in the lowest point of view, are decidedly against the etiquette of god society. No woman can either resect or love a man who is in the habit of deceiving her; nor can a man esteem or love a woman whose statements do not possess the virtue of truth. Life and mind are products that develop, here and there, in the course of the manifold developments in the natural World. Mind, life, consciousness, and soul are activities of certain types of bodies; they never appear apart from those bodies, although mind, once is has emerged in Nature, may come to guide and thus to master some of the occurrences in the World about it. #RandolphHarris 12 of 15
Men will sometimes conceal from women the realities of their lives on the plea that they are too narrow minded, weak, or simple to understand them; while women, in their turn, conceal the details of their daily life on the score that they do not wish to e interfered with; or for fear lest their hidden pleasures be denied them. Hence arises the theory that wives must be kept in the dark concerning their husbands’ pursuits; and that men must be managed so that they shall not forbid this, that or the other desired pleasure. And this is styled diplomacy in the house circle. Of course, this state of affairs is very uncertain and slippery; and an expose will be threatened daily. Consciousness, far from being the source of the objective World, presupposes it existence. In all this realistic position, both husband and wife feel that they are deceived, yet cannot tell exactly how, when or where; cannot place their hand on the very spot—cannot prove what they suspect. Nature indicates a norm of perfection which the historical processes in this World seldom bring to fulfillment. It is contrasted with an allegedly superior spirit or supernature. #RandolphHarris 13 of 15
Men always know that they are managed even when they cannot see the way; women understand they are deceived;–are sure that excuses given for uncalled-for absences are not the right one—even though they cannot discover the truth. Such things go in the air, and consciousness is evolved even in the senses reveal naught. Such houses, however, are but the stepping-stones to a deeper abyss of woe. A love of truth, a high sense of honor, delicacy of manner, and strict adherence to correct principles, are the chief essentials of home etiquette. Be careful to avoid the habit of sauntering into a room without attending to anything that passes there;–thinking, it may be, of a trifling affair that need not occupy the attention, or very likely not thinking at all. In this way some persons trespass upon the rules of politeness which enjoin that each one should do one’s part in society. Let Nature be, as I love to put it, Heaven and Earth, the Sea, and all that is in them is, and I do not see how one can here complain of ambiguity. Make it a rule wherever you are, to take an interest in all that passes, observe the characteristics of the persons you meet, and listen to and take part in the subjects of their conversations. #RandolphHarris 14 of 15
Nature is what we find around us, whether we are looking on a top closet shelf, or through telescopic instruments at stellar Universes that are distant in both time and space, or at the evidences for ancient cities that long ago disappeared from view. Daily life, technical science, and history alike presuppose. Nature; that is, all these kinds of quests for knowledge presuppose simply that there is much to investigate. As we bring every part of our natural bodily life into harmony with the new life God has placed within us, he will exhibit in us the virtues that were characteristic of the Lord Jesus Christ. There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect. God has a bank vault of blessings stored up for you. Something new and good is going to happen and the rest of your life will be the best of your life. God has extraordinary miracles coming your way. Angel of God, my Guardian, to whom his lobe commits me here, ever this day and night, be at my side to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen. #RandolphHarris 15 of 15
Randolph Harris II International Institute 