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Don’t Insult the Guest in Your Own Home
Heroes and villains are largely defined by their treatment of others. “I don’t hate my dad. I feel sorry for him. But Clint is always taking things differently. I always felt like I had to be the middleman. I gotta…pull everybody together. I never wanted to be anything other than a baseball player. That’s it. I never thought about anything else. Whenever we played ball, we felt important. Whenever we played ball we were happy. Everything changed, and I don’t know why or when it did. I just know that it isn’t there anymore (Lane Winston).” Groups that are part of a person’s life identity will ensure conformity to basic values during a vulnerable condition of the individual, typically in childhood in the socialization process. The family becomes the strongest group, one that can accept deviations from many standards, secure in the ultimate adherence of the individual. Consequently, if a split occurs, such as the disowning of a child, it is most severe and traumatic. A similar situation occurs in the community; since communities are defined primarily by contrast to other groups and by their strong boundaries, the principal opinions for which conformity is required are those that assert identity of the group. #RandolphHarris 1 of 10
In the Film, Touching Home (2010), starring Ed Harris shows the enduring importance of groups, in our society, in this case, the importance of the family in socialization. The film is based on a true story. Ed Harris plays Charlie Winston, who has two twin sons, Lane Winston and Clint Winston, and the boys love baseball. It is their dream to grow up and become major league baseball players. When the boys were around eight years old, the police had to bring them home from their baseball game late at night in the rain. When they got there no one was home to greet them. They had won a trophy that night and left it on the table for their dad with a note that read, “FOR YUO DAD.” When Charlie got home, he saw the trophy, and picked up and threw it across the room. After he realized what he had done, he tried to glue the trophy back together with Elmer’s glue and passed out on the couch. Charlie’s sons, Clint and Lane woke up, saw what he had done, fixed the trophy, put it on the top shelf of their closet. “Everything is going to be okay, Lane. We just have to stick together,” said Clint, as the boys turned off the closet light and went back to bed. #RandolphHarris 2 of 10
Clint and Lane end up going to a community college where they play baseball. However, Clint’s grades dropped below mandated level and he lost scholarship and was kicked out of school, even though scouts had been looking to draft him. Lane also gets kicked off of the baseball team that same day and the boys had to go back home. They were ashamed that people would tease them for not being able to make in out of their small town and for having to come back home. Clint and Lane went to work at the quarry with their father, Charlie to save money so they could go to Arizona and try out to play baseball. At this point, Charlie is working every day and lives in his truck, which he parks in the woods. After work, Charlie askes the boys to join him for dinner at the “Redwood Restaurant.” They agree, but telling him that he cannot drink. However, later on, Clint refuses to go to dinner with his dad because he is afraid of being disappointed and Lane goes alone. The Redwood Restaurant is actually a wooden park bench in the forest, right by where Charlie parks his truck. Charlie and Lane share four cans of cold Chef Boyardee Beef and Cheese Ravioli by lantern light and have a pleasant meal. #RandolphHarris 3 of 10
Apparently, Charlie has a drinking problem, but has cut back to one beer a day. He lives in his truck because all of his money is spent paying restitution to the courts. However, we can see the optimistic effects of group memberships is displayed here as Charlie recognizes that the family serves as a source of comfort and protection, and assertion of identity in the community, so to reestablished his role as a father and responsible member of the community, he conforms to societal norms as closely as he can. Clint and Lane love their father and can see that he is a good man who has made some mistakes, but is trying to overcome them. While they are back at home, the boys end up living with their grandmother and they pay her rent, as the boys work to save up to go to Arizona for baseball try outs. Clint is really enthusiastic about saving up money, so he moonlights (gets a second job) at a laundromat. Lane spends more time with his father than Clint does. However, Lane’s priorities change as he spends more time in town when he meets a young lady name Rachael, and he wants to use his money to buy a car to impress her because he starts to doubt his ability at succeeding as a baseball play. #RandolphHarris 4 of 10
What is amazing about Lane is he is not embarrassed of his father at all and takes his girlfriend, Rachael and even shows her were his dad lives. Clint is not embarrassed, but they have some issues that need to be worked out. Clint has about $4,000.00 saved up, but Lane does not want to play baseball anymore, so the boys fall out and their friends tell them that they are twins and two halves of one thing and that they should stick together. Everyone can relate to how hard it is when there are barriers to your goals and how sometimes an individual gets tired of trying and experiencing up and downs in relation to their goals and just wants to give up. And it is nice that the boys have family and friends who care for them and they can stay in town and make a living. In a way, it is refreshing that in this small-town people are not as materialistic. And as fate would have it, Clint gets a wrench thrown in the program just when he is about to leave town. Clint sneaks into his room and steals the money. When he gets to Per Mill Creek Saloon, he shows the guys a picture of his twin boys that he has been carrying in his wallet since they were about three years old. Everyone tells him that his boys are good-looking. #RandolphHarris 5 of 10
After looking all of Clint’s money gambling, Charlie gets arrested and the Sheriff calls the boys down to come get their father. However, Charlie begs the officers to take him to jail, but they refuse to because no one got hurt. Charlie then tells his boys he is sorry and they take him home. The boys had been out when they got the call, so they did not know the money was missing, but after they drop their dad off, they go back to their grandmother’s house and Clint finds the jar of his money on the floor empty. He goes to confront his dad, and beats him up, Lane shows up and pulls Clint off of their dad. It just seems destine for the boys to stick together and perhaps that is why Charlie stole their money? Nevertheless, at work, Charlie passes out and the boys have to take him to the hospital, and Clint says he hopes his dad dies. Although the words are harsh, one can understand how it feels when a family member or someone you do not know robs you of your future and your hopes and dreams and all your time and effort seems to have gotten you nowhere. However, everything in life happens for a reason and sometimes we cannot see why God closed certain doors, but it may be to protect us from something. #RandolphHarris 6 of 10
Nonetheless, when you question if your parents love you or if someone makes you feel like you are alone and that even your family member who has passed away did not love you, and they are not around to defend themselves, think back on all the things they did for you and realize money is not everything. It turns out that Charlie had a binder full of newspaper articles about his sons and their accomplishments and it always made him feel better when he would look at it. Now, that is true love. Charlie is like a true American man, it is in his blood to work, in fact, it looks like he is working himself to death, but that is what keeps him alive. That is his love for his sons because it seems like he is barely hanging in there. Any outsider can tell that he seems to be just clinging to life. However, to his sons, Charlie is like a superman and will live through anything. They do not realize that he is getting older and that he is not as strong as he used to be. Clint and Lane do not really grasp the concept that their father is mortal, like most young people. Charlie ends up cleaning up his life and buying new clothes and going to therapy for his problems. #RandolphHarris 7 of 10
He takes his sons for baseball try outs again, and Lane almost got drafted, but scouts did not want to take a chance on him because he hurt his ankle during tryouts and they did not draft Clint because he was throwing 87 miles per hour and they needed the radar to clock him at 90 miles per hour. So, the family comes together and has Christmas together and Charlie tells his boys that he wishes that he was a better father and promises to pay them back every penny. After dinner, Charlie makes up an excuse to leave. The next morning the sheriff goes to get Charlie out of his truck to take him to therapy and finds him dead under a tree. The film did foreshadow Charlie’s death especially through reliving of the emotional undertones, and the intense emotional experience of chasing after dreams and the twins potentially being separated. However, it seems that Charlie took the money because he knew he was dying and he wanted time with his precious boys and knew he would not be around to protect them and that it was vital for them to stick together. Therefore, the experience of blowing the money was to get a few more moments of joy out of life and to protect his family, it was not sought for its own sake, not simply as a means to an end. #RandolphHarris 8 of 10
The time Charlie got to spend with his sons, his mother and his brother over Christmas was a movement that was very powerful, educational, and therapeutic. It was a tool for solving individual problems and for bonding. Clint and Lane buried their father under and Oak tree, and said their good byes. It was so important for them to have closure and a place where they can go to remember their father and communicate with him and show him respect. Clint finally gets his tooth fixed and they boys go to Arizona together for baseball tryouts. It was a very emotional movie and a great show. By the ending, I silently cried and had to wash my face and blow my nose. It was so touching. This film shows you how important families are and that forgiveness is a virtue. I am happy that Clint and Lane got to spend time with their father before he passed into Heaven, so they do not have to live with a hole in their hearts. Charlie may not have been a perfect father, but he loved his family and tried hard to overcome his affliction. Once a person is dead, that is it, they are gone, and your live is forever changed. Therefore, enjoy your family while you have them. #RandolphHarris 9 of 10
Acceptance is the calm recognition of the loss and the ability to carry on. Not everyone who suffers a loss reached this stage. “I told you of a place that I had been. It was dark and I was supremely alone. No matter now if the compass fails again because in your love, I built a home. We’re all we need, oh darling. Yeah, we’re all we need. Most certainly I’m where I’m supposed to be. In a molten Sun, with you I am free. Today our hearts won first prize because we’re wise with the feeling. Yeah, we’re all we need (We’re All We Need by Above and Beyond).” God, we ask you for your forgiveness for the wrongs that we have done and for the things that we have neglected. We ask you forgiveness for the people we have hurt along the way and those who we have failed to love as you Love. We ask for your forgiveness. God, we receive your forgiveness and resolve in our hearts that with your strength we determine not to make these errors again. God, we receive your forgiveness and by the power of your Holy Spirit, we walk away from everything we know to be wrong and embrace everything we know about you for the Kingdom, glory, and the power are always and forever yours. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 10 of 10
I Don’t Want it!
A variety of interpersonal and intrapersonal processes lead people to underestimate the degree to which the personality of others is in varying degrees from one relationship to another. They also help to explain why outsiders often misjudge the character of a relationship. Not only are many facets of a relationship shrouded in privacy, but an outsider’s view is greatly colored by his or her relationship with each partner. The partners are different persons to some extent when interacting with the outside observer than they are when interacting with each other. Also, each partner’s assessment of a relationship, like its form, is unique, dependent as it is on the distinctive characteristics of the persons involved and the history of the relationship. Relationships are occurring at two levels, the cognitive and the emotional. People may experience a variety of feelings and engage in particular behaviors they feel belong with a specific type of relationship. Their responses reflect individual differences in personality, including their responses reflect individual differences in personality. They also reflect shared cultural and subcultural definitions of the appropriate feelings and behavior of person who are linked in a particular relationship, as friends, as lovers, as parents and child, and so forth. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Attractions appears to be augmented by both unpleasant as well as pleasant experiences. Emotional arousal whatever its source, optimistic or pessimistic, maybe experienced as attraction or love and is likely to happen because of the existence of an ideology in Western culture that suggests how persons in the early phase of a heterosexual relationship are supposed to feel. These ideas about how a person should feel and behave when in love are reflected in popular songs and literature throughout the Western World. I have often wondered because of the media, do people actually understand their own emotions, feelings, attitudes, and beliefs, or are the just being programmed by the media and do not understand it? “I want all my clothes designer, I want someone else to buy them. If I can’t get it right now, I don’t want it. Give me all of your attention, give me Summer in the Hamptons. If I cannot get it right now, I don’t want it,” are the lyrics of a song by Kim Petras called I Don’t Want it at All. The lyrics are significant because it shows the attitude of many youth and adults today. They want fancy things and your love, but are not willing to work for it or wait. Society has become increasingly materialistic and focuses on products and instant gratification. After all, people are willing to spend ten hours waiting in line to buy a $1,000.00 phone just because it is new. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
We are raising a bunch of Machiavellian persons, and they consider their goals to be of prime importance. The more extreme the Machiavellianism, the greater harm the person will be ready to indirectly (or perhaps directly) inflict on others to achieve their own goals. If parents were serious about helping their children retire in the future, that $1,000.00 could be put in a wealth account, and at a 6 percent a year interest rate over 65 years, it would produce $44,145 in tax-deferred savings. That is enough for a retired person to live on for a year. Also, the existence of a wealth account from birth would encourage more saving. Delaying gratification and spending can be beneficial. And if parents or grandparents invested $20 more a month, for twenty years, when the child retired that account would be worth over $240,000.00. It requires mindful planning and self-reflection to accomplish bliss within your life. When people go to work they goal is to create more freedom and happiness. The Holy Spirit works sanctification in our mind and soul in the present, and our Heavenly Father will align our minds with our spirits, so we are happier. The more we align our thoughts, will, and emotions with our flesh, instant gratification, and materialism, the less joy we experience. We must renew our minds daily in order to align our thoughts, will, and emotions with the Holy Spirit. And we are happiest when that worthy purpose is the kingdom of God. Labor much in the spirit, wrestle with God in mighty prayers, that he will pour out his Spirit upon you. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Attraction can be explained in some part based on what is generally acceptable or thought of as normal. Love occurs as a rule in heterosexual relationships rather than in same sexed ones because of our culture encourages the labeling of states of arousal and consequently the experiencing of emotions in the form of love. The development of identity interdependence, along with sexual exploration and other activities typical of courtship, leads to both pleasurable and, at times, uncomfortable states of arousal. The heightened expectations concerning these matters fostered by romanticism, and the uncertainty of their realization, may explain why the intensity of feeling during this early phase of the initiation and consolidation of a relationship is followed by a more placid phase where uncertainty and unevenness in the rewarding quality of experience are replaced by certainty and routine, and the feeling between partners become more like those identified as companionate love. Companionate love is a kind of bond that is characterized by a deep commitment to one another, such as in a long-term marriage where the passion has left but not the deep affection for one another. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
The intensity of feeling characteristic of romantic love or passionate love does appear to recur, either where the situation is heavily laden with supporting cues and definitions, for example, a second honeymoon, or during periods of heightened physiological arousal. A variety of interpersonal and intrapersonal processes lead people to underestimate the degree to which the personality of others is in varying degrees different from one relationship to another. They also help to explain why outsiders often misjudge the character of a relationship. Not only are many facets of a relationship shrouded in privacy, but an outsider’s view is greatly colored by his or her relationship with each partner. The partners are different persons to some extent when interacting with the outside observer than they are when interacting with each other. And that is why married men are sometimes deemed more attractive than single men. Not only are they stable, but outsiders see how nice they are to their wife and children and it paints a picture that makes a man look monogamous and stable and that is what people look for in a mate. Whereas, single people seemed to be influenced by popular culture and are just looking for instant gratification and materialism. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
Commitment can be both viewed as a process and a state of mind. Perhaps because homosexuality is not seen as something desired by parents, many children repress their true feelings and marry the opposite gender because they feel it is the right thing to do. Not that I question Kevin’s sexuality on the situational comedy This is Us, but he was not ready to settle down with his girlfriend because he was not really happy with his life and he forced himself to go buy her three engagement rings, and showed up at her door step, but ended up tell her that he saw nothing but misery in their future because he was not happy with his personal life and did not want to be forced into a marriage, but would marry her if that is what she wanted. That just might explain why companionate love is what happens to most people after years of marriage. They just stick together because it is comfortable and they are committed to each other. Also, because opposite sex couples are deemed as more normal, it could by why homosexual tend to display characteristics that are not in alignment with their gender roles. Perhaps they assume they need to emulate a different gender role to be homosexual. For instance, most gay men are very flamboyant and call each other girl. Whereas a lot of gay women tend to be masculine. Acts of commitment not only increase outcomes and resulting attraction, but are also inherent in the development of power within a relationship. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
Your Own Resolution to Succeed is Most Important
We want our words to echo for eternity, and be looked up to as people who always strive to be honest as often as possible with people. It is important for us to examine our lives, determine where we are and what we need to do to be the kind of person we want to be. We come to know ourselves and qualities assigned to the internal environment because of our responses. Self-perception is perfectly compatible with usually socially defined. This arises from the continual pressures to attain perceptual economy, maintain stable orientations to the invariant features of variegated experiences, and ensure predictability of events. If we have to attend to the peculiarities of all stimuli manifestations that we encounter, that task alone would overload our capacities and leave us no time to process the inputs and coordinate responses to them. Furthermore, we would be stuck with a meaningless flux of unique and nonrecurrent events that would make anticipation impossible. Lately, I have reflected on many of the wonderful experiences I have had in my life. As I have expressed gratitude to my Heavenly Father for these marvelous blessings and opportunities, I have realized perhaps more than ever before, how critical the formative years of my life were. Many of the most important and life-changing moments of my life occurred when I was a young man. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
The lessons I learned over the past few years have formed my character and shaped my destiny. Without them, I would be a very different man and in a very different place than I am today. I know many great men and women. Although they have different backgrounds, talents, and perspectives, they all work diligently and persistently towards achieving their goals. It is easy to get distracted and lose focus on the aspects that are most important in life. It is important to prioritize values that are important to us so that we can keep our eyes focused on the aspects of life that really matter. Create inspiring, noble, and righteous goals that inspire your imagination and create passion in your heart and excitement in your soul. And then keep you mind constantly focused on your goals, working towards them consistently so that you can achieve your dreams. The imposition of constancy demands a rather sophisticated implementation of an interpretive system of relation judgments regarding distance, location, movement and so on. It is this categorization of stimuli into the objects with dispositional qualities and knowledge of the lawful relationships among the properties that enables us to progress to prediction. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
The Light of God helps us to discern right from wrong. When we allow temptations to drown out the still voice of our conscience—that is when decisions become difficult. Awareness of what things are is apprehension of how they fit into an orderly sequencing of events: the characteristics of objects are defined by the causal system connecting them. The advantage for prediction of events is obvious: active adjustment and manipulative intervention are facilitated. If we advance confidently in the directions of our dreams, and endeavors to live the life which we have imagined, we will meet with success. When it comes to temptation, say “No!” instantly and emphatically. Avoid temptations. Persons who occupy special status as sources of origins of activity attend to its apparent goal-direction. Activity sources in the inanimate World, such as volcanoes, may explode erratically, but the consequences of the eruption (for example, the lava flow) are grossly predictable and therefore avoidable. However, if a person explodes with anger over something we have done, avoidance of the ensuing harmful consequences is not such a simple predictive matter. An angry person many succeed in harming us in a number of alternative ways, any of which can be adjusted to take account of the avoidance activity we might take. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Personal causality possesses equifinality. Equifinality means that there are many paths to the same end—there are multiple ways to reach a final goal. The means are varied, but the eventual goal is invariant. The dispositional imputations that permit us to predict this goal is invariant. The dispositional imputations that permit us to predict this goal and take adjustive action to adapt to contingently variable means depend upon our identification of the purpose and intents of the actor. Thus, the dispositional qualities that lend stability, coherence, and predictability to the interpersonal environment involve judgments of aims, wishes, desires, emotions, motives, and other qualities not imputed to the impersonal environment. We glean how the individual attributes dispositional characteristics to others. Symbolic interactions view the person as perceiver of one’s World. Role-taking provides a much clearer understanding of the impact of others’ presence (real, imagined, or anticipated) on an individual. Role-taking refers to a central process by which actors take into account the others’ responses to them. The actor needs to take into account, not only the dispositional qualities of the other, but the dispositions the other attributes to the actor. For this reason, an actor’s perception of the other takes on a reactive quality. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
We all possess spiritual gifts. Some are blessed with the gift of faith, others the gift of healing. The importance of others’ dispositional attributions becomes obvious if we think about the total reinforcement we in experience in our everyday lives. Much of it flows directly from other persons (acceptance, affection, approval, and so forth) and most of the remainder is mediated by them. During the developmental years this dependency is even more intense. It is during that period that, through the process of role-taking, the self emerges, and the person learns to control and evaluate his or her behaviors. In the same way, the person learns the processes that are effective in self-monitoring and self-evaluation. The importance of others’ dispositional attributions becomes obvious if we think about the total reinforcement we experience in our everyday lives. Much of it flows directly from other persons (acceptance, affection, approval, and so forth) and most of the remainder is mediated by them. It is during that period that, through the process of role-taking, the self emerges, and the person learns to control and evaluate his or her behaviors. In the same way, the person learns the processes that are effective in self-monitoring and self-evaluation. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
How do we know if we are wise or foolish? When we hear inspired counsel, we obey. That is the test of the wise or foolish. From our perspective the paramount thing learned through the process of role-taking is how the self will be responded to by others. As we have seen, others’ reactions are a function of the dispositional inferences they make about persons and their actions. Thus, it is evident that in order to anticipate, much less control and manipulate, these responses, the individual must come to view his or her own activity from others’ (dispositional) perspectives. Since the ultimate referents of these perspectives are internal qualities, it follows that individuals learn about their internal environment by the same reflexive process. In short, they learn to see themselves in the same dispositional terms and to view their activities and actions as expressing these attributes. The adoption of this perspective transforms mere behavior into conduct. Therefore, they separated themselves one from another, and went forth among them, every person alone, according to the word and power of God, which was given unto one. We give thanks to our Creator, God, for this wonderful life where each of us has the opportunity to learn lessons we could not fully comprehend by any other means. Lord, please let us meet our dreams, bring us success, justice and peace. Let us see your greatness in amazing ways. You are an amazing God. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
May Happiness Fill Your Heart Each Day
Nothing can bring more joy to life than beautifully fulfilling relationships. Once persons actually begin to interact, whether their relationship continues to develop will depend not only on the anticipated outcomes of further interaction, but on the actual outcomes that partners begin to experience as they interact. These outcomes in turn depend on the development of stable patterns of exchange, which can be conceptualized in terms of a structure of interdependence. This interdependence can be analyzed at three levels. At the first or behavioral level, structure consists of the stable patterns, routines, or combinations of behaviors that make up the day-to-day activities of the pair. The second or normative level of structure consists of the norms and shared understanding that constitute the somewhat unique role structure of the relationship. The third or personal level consists of each partner’s personality characteristics, general attitudes, and elements of self relevant to, or embedded in, the relationship. As the relationship grows and the facets of each partner’s individuality that are created in that process of growth develop, the depth of meaning, understanding and appreciation that relationships bring is almost unfathomable. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
Communication is so important because it is the vehicle that allows us to verbalize what is inside us and enables it to connect with another person. One person is feeling one thing and through communication, another person can find that out and feel it too. Persons do not respond only in terms of their own outcomes, but in terms of the overall pattern of outcomes, which includes those of their partners as well. This tendency is particularly strong in relationships based on attraction. Not only are the manner in which interdependence is resolved influence the exchange of outcomes between partners, the rewards and punishments, self-imposed or received from others, are affected by norms that prescribe how persons should respond in situations involving interdependence. People seem to consider emotional interdependence as a healthy feature of romantic relationships, emphasizing the necessity of being on the same wavelength. It helps partners to coordinate their behaviors and thoughts, making them able to collectively respond to situations that demand action. Additionally, it increases mutual understanding and feeling validated by the partner, promoting social cohesion, attraction, and sympathy. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Turning emotions to one another is supposed to be related to relational well-being, and more specifically to relationship satisfaction and empathic concern. Vicariously experienced outcomes also influence the ways in which persons respond to interdependency, because as a relationship develops the affective reactions of partners become increasingly salient. Partners help to maintain each other’s emotional stability, which is known to be critical for psychological well-being. It is important to focus on and honor the strengths you gain from your relationships. There are often buried treasures waiting to be acknowledged. Healthy relationships increase your sense of belonging and purpose, boosts happiness and reduce stress, and improves self-confidence and self-worth. A good partner also encourages healthy lifestyle habits, such as eating properly and getting exercise. Also, formal check-ins could strengthen the bond between partners. Weekly meetings—one to talk about household responsibilities and another dedicated to more intimate issues—may help both partners feel more validated, respected, and comfortable. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
People resolve the conflict between their own interests and that of their partner in a characteristic manner. Thus, some persons may be basically competitive, tending where possible to maximize their own gains in relation to their partners’. Others may tend toward a cooperative resolution and choose to behave in a fashion calculated to maximize joint outcomes of the partners, and still others, altruistic, and choose to coordinate their actions with those of their partners so as to maximize the outcomes. Curiosity is a vital part of any important relationship. The more you can cultivate your curiosity about other people in your life, the more you will move toward them. Curiosity will also lead you to feel more secure with the people you are close to because you will have a pretty good sense of what they are likely to think, feel, say, or do. Each relationship develops, interpersonal dispositions emerge that are distinctive to that particular relationship. These arise in part from intraindividual processes of attribution, as each reacts to the manner in which the other chooses to behave in recurring situations of interdependence, and in part from interpersonal processes of identity negotiation. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
You have probably been appreciative of the people in your life who have been curious about who you are. That is because it feels good to have someone ask you how you are doing, and know that he or she is asking a real question; that the person is curious enough and cares enough about you to want a real answer. It is a way to give of oneself and show another a deep sense of love and caring. Persons tend to infer from particular acts the existence of underlying causes or dispositions within the individual to behave in certain ways. Thus, when a person chooses to engage in an activity that is not particularly rewarding to one, but is rewarding to one’s partner, the latter is likely to infer that the person is a considerate person who generally tends to respond to the needs of others. Uplifting traditions play a significant role in leading us toward the things of the Spirit. Those that promote love for God and unity in families and among people are especially important. We are inspired by the wisdom of each person who has molded a career which properly supports one’s premier responsibility to spiritually lead one’s family when wealthy and power are more highly valued by the World. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
On the other hand, persons perceived as acting exclusively in terms of their own outcomes are labeled inconsiderate or selfish. This tendency is attributed to an underlying disposition to the partner was particularly marked where the acts of one person had negative consequences for the perceiver. As the supernal nature of our life begins to be understood and experienced, we desire nothing temporal to impede our celestial journey. Becoming more aware of oneself in relationships could help one overcome one’s challenges with intimacy. Developing your awareness about yourself in how you connect to your friends, family, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, and others is an important part of learning from one’s success. As one becomes increasingly aware of who one is in various relationships, one may see some very consistent patterns or one may notice that one has more varied relational styles depending on the person one is thinking about. Some people may be very gentle and clam in relationships with people who need one’s support. However, when such an individual is with people who are less vulnerable, he or she may lack self-confidence and it may cause an individual to become capricious. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
Conflict and negotiation in a relationship can occur at any level and generally tend to spread from one to the other as persons attempt to work out solutions to their problems of interdependence. In general, the spread is upward. Persons finding themselves at odds at the behavioral level may attempt to resolve this appeals to norms and role expectations. If they agree that following a particular rule or role prescription is appropriate in the situation, the conflict may be resolved at that level and no further negotiation becomes necessary. If there is still lack of agreement, the conflict spread to the personal or identity level where each attempt to modify the attitudes and other dispositional characteristics of the other person in a manner that will resolve the problems of interdependence at the lower levels. Thus, the husband who tends toward dominance in relations with others, including his wife, may as a result of processes of identity negotiation begin to change at the dispositional level, allowing him to feel more comfortable in a more equalitarian portrayal of the husband roles, which is reflected at the behavioral level by his assuming more of the routine household tasks. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
It is important that we make ourselves worthy of the loveliest person in all the World. We must keep ourselves worthy through all of the days of our lives. That obligation begins with absolute loyalty. Although it is reasonable to expect conflict and negotiation to spread upward from one level of interdependence to the next, both from what is known about attribution processes and the tactics of altercasting and from the fact that solutions at higher levels often provide the basis for solving problems of interdependence at lower levels, this tendency may have deleterisity of conflict is likely to increase because modification at high levels involves rewards and costs tied to central elements of identity and because the tactics employed at these levels often involve attacks on these elements. Just as identity creation is basic to the growth of a relationship, identity destruction generally accompanies its decline. There must be absolute loyalty, undeviating loyalty one to another. May flowers always line your path and Sunshine light your day. May songbirds serenade you every step along the way. May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that is always blue. And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
Peter My Mink is Dragging on the Floor
A stunning first impression is not the same thing as love at first sight, but surely it is an invitation to consider the matter. We are drawn to people, inspired by them, and even strengthened by their examples. If first impressions are sufficiently favorable, persons will be motivated, when they begin to interact, to provide behaviors that will result in favorable outcomes to the other, and to the degree each is successful in this respect, they become progressively motivated to provide rewards that will maintain the relationship. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. One of the most important rewards that persons exchange as a relationship develops is support for each other’s view of themselves as persons, their self-concepts. How do you and I become so converted to the truth, so full of faith, so dependent on God that we are able to meet trials and even be strengthened by them? A fundamental purpose of Earth is personal growth and attainment. We will have challenges, even difficulties, where decisions of great importance must be made so that we can grow, develop, and succeed in this mortal test. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Gratefully, God’s love is perfect. God has moved so deeply in the hearts of so many. Some people regard unconditional love is something that is real, and the most real things there is. The most consistent finding in the empirical literature on attraction is that persons are attracted to others whom they perceive as accepting them as they see themselves and who allow them to behave in a self-validating manner. Thus, in the early phases of interaction, each person begins tentatively to reveal one’s self to the other. The process of self-disclosure involves first, information about the self that each feels relatively confident about and relatively certain that the other will find acceptable. We may disclose information about our intellectual aptitude, or athletic abilities to see how we relate to others. This type of comparison helps us decide whether we are superior or inferior to others. Disclosures about abilities or talents can also make us more relatable to others. For instance, 80 percent of people find faithfulness as a top attribute they find attractive about a person. A sense of humor is important and it makes people seem more intelligent. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
For long relationships, individuals tend to prefer others who are altruistic, kind, and do good deeds. Being involved in a charity is seen as a really attractive trait. Other studies have shown the people with dogs are generally more attractive also because they have a capacity to love and care for another being over a long term. We want to make ourselves open to others, through self-disclosure, but we also want to maintain a sense of privacy. If someone knows too much about you upfront, it might impede them from going further in the relationship because they see it as too much of a risk or hassle. Later in the process of self-disclosure, persons revel more intimate details about which they are less confident, hence in greater need of social validation, and which they are less certain will be regarded favorably. Revelations at this level play an important part in the process of self-creation. As a relationship develops, each person feels sufficiently secure to try out or tentatively display new elements of identity. Such displays may take the form of revealing hitherto private hopes and fears about the self, or more indirectly, of recounting to the other past or current episodes of behavior where the person behaved in a fashion viewed as confirming some nascent element of self. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Studies of the self-disclosure process generally find that, in the early part of a relationship at least, each person tends to pace the process of disclosure by revealing to the other information about the same level of intimacy. As in any other exchange, persons feel obligated to adhere to the norm of reciprocity. To the extent that one person’s revelations at progressively more intimate levels are increasingly rewarding in terms of signifying regard and trust to the other partner, the latter feels obligated to return revelations thought to be of equal rewarding value. However, disclosures that are too intimate often highlight character, personality, or other kinds of sensitivity information, thus decreasing congeniality. People who make intimate disclosures too early in relationships are often perceived as insecure, which further decreases someone’s interest in them. One time I was walking by a fancy Italian restaurant, and two guys in their forties were on what seemed to me as their first date, and one of them was telling the other guy about how painful his recovery from cancer was. The guy he was with replied, “Oh, gees,” and picked up a bread stick and ate it. He seemed rather pensive and I got the impression that it would probably be their last date. The process of self-disclosure contributes to another basic interpersonal process, the growth of trust, which in turn further facilitates more intimate disclosure. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
While there is not complete agreement on a definition of trust, a key element appears to be a sense of certainty that the trusted person will not behave at some point in the future in a way that endangers anticipated favorable outcomes of the trusting person. When first dating, you want to make an individual feel good and talk about things that make them happy. It is like you are selling yourself in a sense. People have options and they do not want to get attached to someone who might drain them of their emotional or financial resources. Each person’s revelations of progressively more intimate details concerning one’s self, and their acceptance and confirmation by the other, give assurance that any resultant vulnerability will not be exploited, either because both partners are equally vulnerable or because each perceives the exchange of progressively more intimate details as a sign of increasingly close interpersonal ties. Generally, as the details get more intimate, that means that the emotional bond in the relationship is probably increasing. So, when the relationship seems to be getting more serious, that is a good time to tell a person sensitive information about yourself that might affect them wanting to have a long-term commitment with you, and that is only fair. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
More than likely if a person cares enough and can deal with it, then they will likely continue in the relationship because they are already emotionally and somewhat financially invested. For instance, some people have commitment issues and cannot figure out whether they want to move to another part of the country or go back to school, or even just a plan to get a cup of coffee with a friend. One might be reluctant to disclose that he or she has problems making choices, from something as small as choosing what movie to see, to something more significant like signing a lease for house. The fact that persons perceive the intimacy of disclosure as indicative of attraction allows the self-disclosure process to function as a pacing device in the development of a relationship. By the depth of disclosure to another, a person may indicate one’s degree of emotional involvement in the relationship. While our emphasis so far has been on the manner in which self-disclosure allows for maintenance and creation of self-elements, an extremely important reward, self-disclosure provides each partner with information concerning other outcomes as well. Persons learn what kinds of behaviors have reward value to each other and which behaviors are costly. This information, in turn, can be used as a guide in arriving at mutually satisfying patterns of exchange that become a part of the structure of interdependence that constitutes the relationship. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
As you get to now a person who seemed to be commitment issues, you might begin to understand that person has a lot going for one’s self, and just needed to meet someone who is trustworthy. That individual might be optimistic, loving, and a sincere individual who wants to settle down. People are capable of changing, but not until they are ready to understand how things are controlling their lives. It requires both willingness and openness to new insights and new activities before one is able to take the first step in successfully challenging relationship issues. God has given us the capacity to exercise faith, that we may find peace, joy, and purpose in life. However, to employ its power, faith must be founded on something. There is no more solid foundation than faith in the love Heavenly Father has planned. Lord, make us an instrument of your peace. Grant that we may not so much seek to be loved as to love. God, who from among all your angels, chose the Archangel Gabriel to announce the mystery of the Incarnation, mercifully grant that we who solemnly remember him on Earth may feel the benefit of his patronage in Heaven, who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
Love if the Greatest thing in the World
Love is the greatest thing in the World. Friends and romantic partners tend to have certain characteristics in common, such as age, education, and even intelligence. Similarity related to attraction has a long history of empirical support. As covenant-keeping men and women, we need to lift each other and help each other become the people the Lord would have us become. Generally, persons are attracted to others who are similar in social background characteristics and value. The idea that romantic partners or friends would be similar seems pretty intuitive. Studies of friendship suggests that people also have a preference for leisure activities with others who are similar to them. The degree of similarity with respect to opinions, personality traits, and social background characteristics of stimulus persons has for the most part supported the similarity-attraction relationship. Agreement with another leads the person to anticipate rewarding interaction, and where it actually facilitates joint pleasurable activities, it also can be expected to lead to attraction. Agreement in activity preferences, attitudes, and values not only ensures that persons will hit upon mutually satisfying activities, but that they will be able to carry them out with a minimum of friction. #RandolphHarris 1 of 6
Next to inspiring talks, music, TV shows, food, and prayers that always touch our hearts, persons are attracted to others who agree with their opinions, but dislike others whose views are divergent. Agreement is rewarding and disagreement punishing, either because liking an agreeing other and disliking one who disagrees provides a balanced cognitive state—one that is psychologically pleasant and comfortable. Or because agreement satisfies a person’s affectance needs, the need to feel secure in dealing with the World. Another general explanation is the persons tend to anticipate that individuals who are similar to them will like them. Homogamy or similarity in social background characteristics and accompanying similarity in interests, attitudes, and values in marital partners is in part the result of structural aspects of society that favor higher rates of interactions among persons similar in these respects, leading to increased chances of their forming a relationship regardless of these similarities. It is important to help create an environment where the Spirit of the Lord can abide. We need to work together to lift each other up and the rising generation and help them reach their divine potential as heirs of eternal life. We should be able to rejoice with each other as we try to become our very best selves. #RandolphHarris 2 of 6
There is so much more of happiness to be had when we can rejoice in another’s success and not just in our own. Similarity appears to have stronger effects in the early stages of a relationship because of the kinds of rewards and costs persons experience at later periods in their relationship. Similarity is a filtering device, as it influences each person’s anticipation of future rewards in general, and in particular the reward of being liked. One of the strongest associations on attraction is the correlation between liking and the perception of being liked in turn. People are insecure concerning their acceptance by others, similarity appears to be more powerful factor in influencing their choice of associates than when they feel more secure. We want to feel like we are a precious gift, and would like to express our love for our companions. Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity. Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity. Like all gifts which come from above, words are sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit. Attitudes seem less important at later points in a relationship when there are other bases for reciprocity of liking. In the long run, the need for a relationship with someone we love is so strong that it overcomes differences. #RandolphHarris 3 of 6
Physical attractiveness has been shown to have effects similar to central traits or master statuses when it comes to dating. Physical attractiveness accounts for a large part of the variance in dating partners’ responses to each other, including the desire to continue the relationship. Physically attractive people are liked. Attraction may result from the rewards of esthetic satisfaction. Persons may receive rewards from others as a result of their forming a relationship with an attractive other, either because this conforms with a cultural norm that persons toward whom one is attracted is supposed to be physically attractive or because one’s ability to form a relationship with an attractive or because one’s ability to form a relationship with an attractive other attests to one’s own desirability in the eyes of others. Studies have shown that for males at least, that a male romantically involved with an attractive female enhances his status. Both males and females attributed personality traits of higher social desirability to pictures of attractive persons than to pictures of those of average attractiveness or those judged relatively unattractive. #RandolphHarris 4 of 6
Respondents also predicted that more attractive people would have more favorable life experiences, including higher occupational status, more successful marriages, and in general greater happiness. Attractive people are more likely to win election, attractive university professors get higher evaluations, and attractive people are usually treated more leniently in the legal system. Physically attractive people are also seen as intimately warmer and more responsive, illustrating the effects of selective perception and perceptual accentuation. Research has also suggested that the effects of the cultural stereotype of the physically attractive are often to bring about behavior on the part of the perceiver that, in the manner of a self-fulfilling prophecy, elicits behavior on the part of the perceived person that further enhances the attractiveness of that person. When people are told that someone is attractive, they are more likely to believe it. Research also shows that small babies prefer to look at attractive faces than less attractive face. Further, children tend to prefer attractive child. And adults think that attractive children are more intelligent and successful. #RandolphHarris 5 of 6
These findings show that people often attach beneficial qualities to attractive people. This is sometimes called the physical attractiveness stereotype—the tendency for people to assume that attractive people possess other socially desirable traits in addition to their looks. To some extent, this is true. Some research shows that physically attractive people are more popular and out outgoing. However, these small differences may be due, in part, to self-fulfilling prophecies: because being physically attractive is socially desirable, attractive people may become more confident and outgoing and so may be more confident and outgoing and so may be more popular with others. Also, it is important to note that physical attractiveness has its drawback. In particular, more attractive people are often the subject of unwanted advances and resentment from less attractive individuals. Nevertheless, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. God, strengthen us in the power of your might. Guide us against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the Heavenly places. Protect our soul and grant us discernment to recognize your truth. #RandolphHarris 6 of 6
I Remember Looking through the Tears towards the Sky
You go off and leave me here with nobody home. The concept of compromising in a relationship is something that many people have to do. However, there is an emphasis placed on the instability of relationship involving persons of different choice status or popularity, the more popular person tending to leave the relationship because of the availability of more attractive alternatives or, when remaining, tending to exploit the person of lower choice status which encouraged the latter to leave. Overall, people tend to be attracted to those of similar desirability, at least in terms of physical attractiveness. Middle-class individuals of the dominant group take into consideration the satisfaction of socioemotional needs as being central to the relationship of marriage. The core features of emotional development include the ability to identify and understand one’s own feelings, accurately read and comprehend emotional states in others, manage strong emotions and their expression in a constructive manner, to regulate one’s own behavior, to develop empathy for others, and to establish and maintain relationships. Spouses needs for trust, stability, communication, intimacy, and interpersonal sharing must be met. When these needs are cared for, the marriage can become purposeful beyond its own parameters. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
Housing prices have increased on average nearly 50 percent over the last decade, so among working-class couples socioemotional needs may not be as important as they are with middle-class couples. Parents, younger generations and those living in lower-income households report higher levels of stress than American overall, especially when it comes to stress about money. As a result, people with lower-incomes may put up with more socioemotional instability because they are struggling to pay the bills, as is, and need their partner to meet their financial obligations. However, that does not mean that just because people are suffering from an economic disadvantage that they will put up with abuse. Studies also show that many low-income couples are unhappy because of the financial hardships they face, so it may not be a problem in the love department. Also, low-income people living alone have higher living costs, which can make them bloody miserable. It can be an utterly horrid lifestyle, which may seem like a punishment on the socially inept and inadequate. They cannot afford holidays, nor can they afford to live anywhere better than what some might describe as student hellhole flats, as they do not have a partner’s credit to draw upon and furnish their place to a polished enough standard. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Disabled people are the World’s largest minority and because of that they are very much misunderstood. Not all disabled people get around in a wheel chair, some have injuries that are not visible, which might be the result of an accident or illness or they may have been born that way. Individuals who have invisible disabilities face discrimination and microaggressions. Financial exploitation of adults who are elderly or disabled is an increasing problem. It is good to look out and to help those in our communities who are elderly or have disabilities. After all, it is everyone’s business to stop adult abuse, neglect, and exploitation. 16.3 percent of adults have a physical functioning difficulty. There are 77 million adults aged 18 and over with at least one basic actions difficulty or complex activity limitation. To make sense of the World around them, they build upon their individual experiences and knowledge. However, performing daily activities may be challenging for these individuals. These challenges may interfere with social well-being and cause distress. Young adults with physical limitations are less socially active and have fewer romantic relationships than their peers who do not have physical limitations. It is through hardships of life that we grow toward Godhood as our character is shaped in the crucible of affliction, as the events of life take place whole God respects the agency of humanity. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
The physical impairments may limit the ability to participate in actives with others. And also, because young adults with physical disabilities are already suffering from problems, they often spend every day thinking about how will condition affect them as they age, and will their situations become too much for them to handle when they are senior citizens because they may not be as strong as they are not. Because of that, some people may feel frustrated, angry, or sad as a result of having a physical impairment, especially if they believe those impairments pose challenges to finding a significant other or living independently. Also, a person may not like the place they live, but because of their conditions, unlike most everyone else, they cannot go pick up more hours at work and earn more money to upgrade their lifestyle. And because these people are vulnerable and they may be good at certain things, unscrupulous individuals may use them for their talents, promising rewards, but give nothing in return. However, when the person with the physical limitation stops assisting the individual(s), they may then try to extort that person in order to keep receiving their services for free. People with disabilities do look for opportunities, but are sometimes taken advantage of. The journey through life has had bumps, detours, twists, and turns, mostly as the result of life in a fallen World that is mean to be a place of proving and test. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
It is important to keep the commandments of God. With love and prayers with can help others learn the compassion and grace of God. Because they suffer from a disability and experience undue hardships and are sometimes are prevented from reaching their dreams, it causes some people to wonder why they are here? This is why we must teach people the love of God. When people really feel the love of God, even though they are experiencing a lot of difficulties, they will be truly happy to be alive. One young man said, “I may not understand why my life has turned out the way it has, and I have no idea where it will go, but serving God is really the best thing ever. There is nothing as wonderful as this. I am so happy. What a joy and marvelous light I behold; my soul is filled with joy as exceeding as is my pain.” As we accept our difficulties and trials with patience and faith and find joy in our covenant path, we are comforted in knowing the Lord knows us. He knows our struggles and concerns. God knows of our desires to serve him with devotion and ambition. And he will guide us and bless us as we do so. Please never feel that you are some kind of second class citizen no matter your limitations. In the Kingdom of God there are no second-class citizens. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
People who have integrity of heart are people to be trusted—because trust is built on integrity. Earning the Lord’s trust is a blessing that comes through great effort on our part. Trust is a blessing based on obedience to God’s laws. When we keep our promises to the Lord, his trust grows. The rewarding internal state of enhanced self-esteem and the reward of approval from others are also involved in generating attraction in still another way. To gain and maintain the status of normality, persons are expected by others and themselves to have friends and intimate relationships. Regardless of the features of the relationship or characteristics of the persons involved, the fact of having a relationship, such as marriage, validates one’s personal adequacy, heterosexual normality, and personal maturity in the eyes of others as well as of oneself. Although recent trends toward greater acceptance of the single state for adults in our society may indicate a relaxation of normative pressures in this direction, they still exist. Whatever your circumstances or the reasons for them, how wonderful you are. Along the way, you will obtain compensatory blessings, even if they are not immediately apparent. However, we are reminded that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
Hold out the best hope for the World, including for your future happiness. Self-supplied rewards are not only involved in conformity processes influencing behavior in the early stage of a relationship, they are implicated in other ways as well. Contemporary social learning theory recognizes that persons can, through their control over their own cognitive processes, administer rewards and punishments by imagining certain consequences of their behavior. It is probable that persons contribute to early growth of a relationship by imagining future rewards and by recounting and, in a sense, replaying their imagination early pleasurable contacts with their partners. The considerable preoccupation of each partner with the other during the early stages of the courtship relationship probably involves a good bit of this self-rewarding activity. Although you often feel alone, in truth you are never totally on your own. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8 As you move forward in patience and in faith, providence will move with you; Heaven will bestow its needful blessings. Your perspective and view of life will change when, rather than being cast down, you look up. Feel the sense of greater acceptance of yourself and life, with an understanding heart, and deeper gratitude for what you have. Lord,we earnestly seek after you, we seek your kingdom, your will that Heaven may come to Earth and your presence would be known by all. We lay our plans before you, please rearrange them as you see fit, God. And lead us in everlasting way. We give you the desires of our hearts, our ambitions, and surrender them all to you. God, please anoint them for your purposes and glory. We give your our whole being, our gifts and our character, please come and sharpen our skills and transform our hearts this and every day. Bless it be. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
Sorry does Not Restore my Hindsight
At the beginning was the word, one who wants to make progress, even if by the smallest steps, must first liberate one’s self from the word, from the superstition of names, and from the tyranny of language. In addition, one of the important things learned in the acquisition of institutional roles is how to maintain self-esteem even under adverse organizational circumstances. Proper attitude in this crisis dominated World is a priceless possession. Never before has it been more important for all of us to move forward with pride. We may be behind, but we are not losing if we are moving in the right direction. God will not score our performances until the end of the journey. He who has made us expects us to be victorious. God stands by anxious to answer or calls for help and for us to praise and thank him. We must lead with good cheer, optimism, and courage if we are manifest the Kingdom of God. We should thank the Lord, our God, in all things with thankfulness and shall be made glorious. Thank God in all personal challenges. With God’s help, we can accomplish all things and be winners indeed in the processes of eternity. #RandolphHarris 1 of 8
No one really knows a language, not even one’s native language; indeed, there is no such thing as a language. In science, it is clear that only the knowledge of the history of an idea can impart a clear conception of the true nature of that ides. Since every word has its own history, for a thorough knowledge of a language one would need to be familiar with its whole history. This is completely unknown to most people. Even the philologist’s knowledge about it is quite superficial. It is a colossal delusion to believe that language is a property of humankind and that it is something inherently rich. If language were such a thing—sort of like a tool—then with use it would deteriorate and wear out. However, language is not an object, not a property, not a tool—but a usage. Language is simply language-use. This is not a play on words, but a fact. Angelical was supposed to have been the language God used to create the World, and then used by Adam to speak with God and Angels and to name all things in existence. #RandolphHarris 2 of 8
Language is a truly remarkable phenomenon—arbitrary and yet systematic, obviously learned but apparently on the basis of specific innate capacities, understood by small children, but infinite in its possible variations. After his fall from Paradise, Adam lost the language of Angelical, and constructed a form of proto-Hebrew based upon his vague memory of Angelical. This explains why the more language is used, the richer and stronger it grows. If we want to start seeing the power of God manifest in our lives, we will have to start paying attention to what we say. Words have power—more than any of us may realize, but we often speak of them as though they were meaningless. Because of that, mist believers at one time or another have been hurt by something a careless whisper. Every time an individual says something that they do not really means, it begins to numb the heart. Therefore, keep it down, voices carry. Human beings attain social goals through talk. That this gets done (with errors and violations of a magnitude sufficient ordinarily only to reveal the underlying patterns) is itself remarkable. What is even more remarkable is the substantial similarity in how it gets done in what at first appear to be very different cultures and very different modes of talk. #RandolphHarris 3 of 8
Language is so complex that children could not learn them if there were not genetically fitted to do so. Infants have some sort of innate capacity (sometimes called the LAD or Language Acquisition Device) which permits them to construct theories of their language on the basis of the speech data in the World around them. Children’s speech capabilities are both well developed and individually differentiated at fairly young ages (five years is frequently seen as a threshold); some investigators have therefore concluded that the LAD begins to atrophy at the point at which the fundamentals of language are mastered. Other investigators assert that language learning is a life-long process, and that adaption and modification of language is continuous. Children’s rapid acquisition of a wide range of grammatical (phonological, syntactic) skills is well documented. The parallel development of skills children acquire which allow them to use their developing linguistic skills effectively in social interaction, develop best in a World that is rich with sounds, sights, and consistent exposure to the speech and language of others. #RandolphHarris 4 of 8
Face, in a certain context, is a public self-image that every member wants to claim for one’s self. Philosophers have always been interested in meaning, and have contributed to much of the conceptual apparatus used in its discussion (sense, reference, connotation, denotation, intention, intension, and so forth). Problems of meaning are not simple, and for many years linguists seemed willing to let philosopher struggles with them. Investigators who have studied conversational exchanges in English have identified and described such features of conversation, as for example, sequencing (including placement of laughter), interruptions, self- (and other) corrections, and so forth, in order to explicate such conversational accomplishments as, for example, gaining and holding the floor, telling acceptable stories, extending invitations, making social categorization, and so on. The analysis is understanding of how conversations are successfully begun, carried on, and ended in rule-governed social interaction. Language is also used as a method of social control in talk than to more visible instances of manipulative acts involving named instrumentalities. #RandolphHarris 5 of 8
There are many ways of saying the same thing, depending on the age and culture of the person and also the location where what they are trying to explained happened. Some people do not always know how to accurately transform their thoughts into action, and such a mistake could get a person in a lot of trouble. Also, social control attempts are things we should pay more attention to. Some people try to manipulate the sound of words to convey a point on the sly, while others will make a statement so you can gather a social que and act in the manner they are suggesting. And Body language can be used to make statements as well. I do not think anyone would wish to deny the obvious—that we keep on learning more of our language in some sense as we get older. Language develops cognitive skills, fosters connections to international markets, preserves ancient traditions and histories, and cultivates a crucial understanding and appreciation of the World. When we can understand that culture in its language, and get a comprehensive view, we are immediately receptive to areas where conflict can be averted. #RandolphHarris 6 of 8
It is important to train global citizens and global leaders to have a transcultural literacy at a deep level. For some cultures, “Cooking fish,” does not mean preparing fish that you bought from the market for a meal to consume. Language is employed as a resource in social control and on the macrolevel those who control symbol control societies through their use in cultural reproduction and therefore in continuing class dominance. The greater an individual’s context independence in speech, through greater facility in these elaborated codes, the greater an individual’s ability to disengage from the immediate and the concrete (that is, to attain cognitive detachment), and thus the greater one’s autonomy and control over access to the environment is. Controllers are also used in different mixes of control modes and discretion in accomplishing different functions. For example, if you pick a friend up and she or he lives far away and they ask can they stay the night, but you do not want them to, you might say, “When do you think you will be ready to leave?” or “You will have to walk home if you stay.” Many people speak English, but different subcultures use certain words in a context, which might make you think you need to consult an ancient scribe. #RandolphHarris 7 of 8
Biblical thought and indeed the intellectual cultural traditions of most societies are communicated especially through languages. The choice and orchestration of the words provide a clue to what the meaning of the World is about. What is so perilous, then, in the fact that people speak and that their speech proliferates? Where is the danger in that? Philosophers, linguists, psychologist, and social psychologists as well, are deeply involved in questions of meaning and intent. Reading ancient text may not solve all of our problems, but it will give us a sense of whom we are talking to, of what fundamental social, cultural, and ecological realities we are facing, which we ignore at our peril. Latin, at the height of the Empire, was a sick language before it become a dead language. The cultural languages of our age are similarly sick, rotten to the core. We need to keep language strong and healthy. The languages of sophistication have all developed through metaphorization and we need to prevent them from all becoming childish as the meanings of the metaphors are forgotten. Sorry does not restore my hindsight. Now may the Lord, peace himself, give you his peace at all times and in every situation. #RandolphHarris 8 of 8
California’s Circle of Fear
The purpose of a career is so that leaders can shape a better World by strategically exploring, planning, and creating future paths, where their actions and choices also facilitate continuous learning and growth in the work force. The structural imperative of the job, requires values that give a wide range of psychological variables, especially intellectual flexibility. Empirical evidence is substantive that complexity of work beneficially affects the socialization and self-creation of the individual. More specifically, as jobs increase in status and prestige, they also increase the degree of autonomy, creativity, and discretion allowed in the worker. The career also tends to be more satisfying and rewarding. People in work situations that provide little opportunity for upward mobility tend to limit their aspirations, seek satisfaction in activities outside of work or alienation from work. These displaced workers will create strong peer associations in which interpersonal relations take precedence over other aspects of the job, and develop loyalties to the local unit rather than to the larger organization. The second dimension, being low in organizational power, also has negative psychological and behavioral consequences for the individual. #RandolphHarris 1 of 7
Individuals who are stifled at work become pettier, bossier, and more authoritarian; use subordinates for their frame of reference; and rely more on coercive than persuasive techniques of control. And the third dimension is when people are underrepresented in their career field, they find it harder to be taken seriously; are more isolated and excluded from informal peer networks, and may be oppressed. All of these dimensions represent behavioral consequences of disadvantaged position is the work force. Breaking these cycles of development is difficult because the tendency is for the individual’s competence, confidence, and power progressively to increase (or decrease); and the perceptions and expectations that others have of the individual become solidified. This model can produce a set of structural conditions that contribute to the development of self-actualizing or self-defeating people. Self-actualized people are motivated to try out new experiences. They will feel secure enough about one’s own personality—strengths, weaknesses, and uniqueness—to expand one’s horizon. In contrast, people who are self-defeating let external influences serve to frustrate, thwart, or destroy one’s own intention of interests by internalizing and letting negative forces dictate their abilities. #RandolphHarris 2 of 7
The structure of opportunity brings in the workers assessment of the future, via prospects for upward mobility, as a factor in present adjustments. People relate to the present in part in terms of their expectations and prospects for the future to be stuck is a very different work experience than being up and coming. There is ample evidence on work in American society to suggest substantial dissatisfaction and alienation of workers from their jobs. In a recent department of Health, Education, and Welfare report, only 43 percent of workers who perform professional jobs (doctors, lawyers, teachers) and just 24 percent of labor workers (construction workers, retail, manufacturers) reported that they were satisfied with their jobs. The socialization consequences of work settings can reflect either processes of relatively passive compliance and adaptation to external exigencies or process of self-determination and expansion. Therefore, a critical element of career philosophy is to support internal mobility. Internal mobility is the extent to which employees move into new careers within an organization, based on their performance. It is a measure of how well some corporations encourage employees to develop and stretch themselves so that they can advance and live a productive life. #RandolphHarris 3 of 7
Employees who are successful keep their skills and knowledge fresh and current. They show up to work on time, are professional, have good hygiene, maintain a reputation for being optimistic and adaptable. Highly competent employees develop and sustain meaningful professional relationships, and they stay informed about current trends influencing the corporation, economy, and their specific career field. Re-socialization can take place in various institutional settings established for this purpose, such as in peer groups, church, and compensatory education programs. The specific objectives of these contexts vary from political socialization (or brainwashing) to religious conversion to various types of reeducation such as workshops and meetings. Delinquency is seen primarily as a group phenomenon and the task of rehabilitation is one of changing the shared delinquent characteristics. Participation in some of these contexts is voluntary, and in others involuntary. Most of these contexts can be characterized as involving intense small-group interaction where the socialization ratio is large, and where the interaction environment is totalistic or closed. Under these circumstances, one’s sense of reality is most effectively restructured. #RandolphHarris 4 of 7
The Democratic Communist program used brainwashing as a source of reeducation. Along with the physical coercion, the lack of sleep, and various forms of psychological stress, physical and financial assault to weaken their target’s hold on past beliefs and identities. It was a process of identity casting used in the situation. From the beginning, it was made clear that the target’s life and rights did not matter, and that they must perish, and in one’s place must arise a new person, resurrected in the Communist mold. Often times that meant an individual was killed and their identity was given to a different person. The original person’s major status identifications, such as doctor, priest, teacher, as well as the individual’s name, were undermined and replaced by the identity of criminal. Perhaps the most significant assaults upon the now prisoner’s identity occurred during the process of confession. Confession, which was the major technique employed by the captors to involve the prisoner in the process of one’s own reform, required thorough and compelling self-examination of every action, attitude, and thought, and always from the people’s perspective. A series of denunciations of friends and associates was required as an essential part of the confession. #RandolphHarris 5 of 7
Making these denunciations not only generated feelings of guilt and shame in the prisoner, but it subverted the structure of one’s own life. Even when the prisoner was aware that one’s confession was wild and one’s denunciations invalid, one usually began to behave as if one were a criminal. If the prisoner would not, then the opposition forces would have someone impersonate the individual to act out the behavior the oppressors wanted to convince the public that the prisoner’s refashioned identity was emerging. This may be considered the rebirth. In this case, the boy’s initial situation was purposely amorphous: The prisoner is left on one’s own to figure out why authorities are doing what they are doing and what they must do to get out of trouble. The new conscript soon discovered that the only avenue for release was through participation in the delinquent peer group, which was the primary source of pressure for change. The main interactions took place in daily group discussion session. In these group sessions, the essential ingredients of identity assault included confession of past transgressions through a minute re-examination of the past, including one’s former identities, with the assistant of a reform vocabulary and the constant pressure of the peer group. #RandolphHarris 6 of 7
Usually these targets are easy to break because they are alienated from their past identity, unhappy with themselves or their lives, lack a strong sense of self and identity, and carry a burden of guilt. The main task for the group is to channel this discontent into the creation of the new self. Initially, the major technique used to make the prisoner receptive to change was fear. It was simply fear of physical punishment and harassment. However, as the effects of confession, self-betrayal, and group attack began to take hold, it became a fear of psychological annihilation (hitting rock bottom psychologically). There is also another strategy, which was to use love to manipulate the prisoner. Love is used as the most coercive and cruel power of all. Either love or fear was used to strengthen the group’s hold over the individual and make the individual more vulnerable to radical re-socialization. However, when a target is resistant, the program may fail. Although the individual may be physically weaker, psychologically they are stronger. And as the participants in the program group, the corruption becomes exposed because people hear about the torture and they start to see. #RandolphHarris 7 of 7
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Success happens when we are truly ready, not just when we want it. Be patient. Set yourself up for success. And, always believe that you day is on the way! The individual can be both cause and the consequence of society. The family is typically seen as the source of the child’s inadequacies, which the school must correct and overcome. The process of social comparisons is ubiquitous in the classroom. The age homogeneity and lack of formal status differentiation in the class cohort make it a fertile ground for the operation of social comparison process as a means of social differentiation. This differentiation occurs largely on the basis of perceived ability and achievement, and each student knows where he or she stands with respect to his or her classmates. The class, therefore, serves as a reference group for the student, not necessarily in the normative sense (although it may indeed be a source of norms and values) as much as in the comparative sense (that is, as a standard of evaluation). The family, by contrast, is primarily a normative reference group. There may even be a boomerang effect, under these circumstances, in that the socialize may develop in ways opposite to those intended by the agents of socialization within these contexts. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12
Parents are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. The conscience obligates people to their offspring, compelling them to be good citizens and to think of their children as investments so they can be the cause of a successful society, not the consequence of a World gone wrong. The role of a parent is much more than the social construction of reality or the product of the state. Parenthood is of a divine origin, and it to include goodness and perfect love so that your children turn out to be God’s work and glory. God is extremely concerned with the work and development of his eternal children. One of the inborn structures of the mind or personality is the id. The id is an unorganized chaotic mentality, and the sole aim of which is the gratification of all needs, the alleviation of hunger, self-preservation, and love, the preservation of the species. As people develop, it is important to teach them to gain control over their emotions, attention, and behavior in early years, as they are coming in contact with the environment. #RandolphHarris 2 of 12
One needs to be conscious or aware of the mental processes which occupy one at any given time. The ego is a processing awareness of the environment, henceforth strives to curb the lawless id tendencies whenever they attempt to assert themselves incompatibly. Neurosis is a conflict between the ego and the id. The ego, aware of the forces of civilization, religion, and ethics, refuses to allow motor discharge to impulses emanating from the lawless id, and will block them from attainment of the object towards which they aimed. The ego defends itself against these impulses by repressing them. In the real World, we see adults who are driven by the id. They are emotional savages, unable to control their urges and act out. Imagine if the World was ran by people like that. People who did not speak, but acted out of emotional urges and them pretended they did not know what they did wrong. The World would be in a stage of chaos. Sometimes the id can break through as a substitutive formation on paths over which the ego has no control, and obtrudes itself on the ego as symptoms. As a result of this process, the ego will find itself more or less impoverished, its integrity threatened and hurt, and hence it continues to combat the symptom in the same way as it had defended itself against the original id impulses. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12
This whole process constitutes the picture of the neuroses, or rather of the transference neurosis, which compromise hysteria, anxiety hysteria, and the compulsion neuroses, in constriction to the so-called narcissistic neuroses, melancholic depression, and to the psychoses, schizophrenia, paranoid conditions and paranoia proper, in which the underlying mechanisms are somewhat different. In a psychosis, the illness results from a conflict between the ego and the outer World, and the narcissistic neurosis from a conflict between the ego and the super-ego. For just as the ego is a modified portion of the id as a result of contact with the outer World, the super-ego represents a modified part of the ego, formed through experiences absorbed from the parents, especially from the father. Fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. The ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loves us. Fathers manifest that love as they labor in the service and support of their families daily. If by his example as well as his words, a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in daily living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the World to come. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12
The super-ego is a modified part of ego, formed through experiences absorbed from the parents, especially from the father. The super-ego is the highest mental evolution attainable by humans, and consists of a precipitate of all prohibitions and inhibitions, all the rules of conduct which are impressed on the child by his or her parents and by parental substitutes. The feeling of conscience depends altogether on the development of the super-ego. Therefore, mechanisms of the neurosis are attributed to the unconscious factor of the mind. Psychoanalysis calls it the psychology of depths because it is the role of the unconscious mental process. Neuroses are characterized by anxiety, depression, or other feelings of unhappiness or distress that are out of proportion to the circumstances of a person’s life. They may impair a person’s functioning in virtually any area of his or her life, relationships, or external affairs, but they are not severe enough to incapacitate the person. Affected patients generally do not suffer from the loss of the sense of reality seen in persons with psychoses. The psychoanalytic approach to treat neuroses involves helping the patient to become aware of the repressed impulses, feelings, and traumatic memories that underlie his or her symptoms, thereby enabling that individual to achieve personality growth through a better and deeper self-understanding. Also, people are so over zealous to label others that they do not seem to understand the difference between being a little sad and being depress. So, sometimes people report that they are depressed, when they are actually just sad. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12
Despite their growing abilities, some children and adults sometimes find it difficult to regulate their thoughts and emotions in ways that allow them to succeed at new tasks. Many psychiatrists prefer physical approaches, such as psychotropic drugs to treat neuroses (including antianxiety agents and antidepressant and antipsychotic drugs). This will allow the patient to face and overcome new developmental challenges, from getting along with others to learning novel academic skills. In addition, at these times, close relationships with meaningful authority figures, including teachers, managers, parents, law enforcement, the President, veterans, people who serve the country, doctors, a leader of the church, or a lawyer can help children and adults learn to regulate their own behavior. Contextual dissonance could be a source of the distress. That refers to the situation of being a member of an underrepresented group in a classroom (or other contexts, for that matter) in the basis of a trait or characteristic that is disvalued by the majority group, and it impacts the individual’s self-esteem. There could be a social identity context such as race and social class, competence context, and value context, and being an underrepresented subgroup on any of these dimensions can have a negative effect on the student’s self-esteem. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12
That is why I do not see having pride in one’s heritage as a bad thing. When people feel a sense of pride about who they are, they are more willing to deal with being an underrepresented group peacefully and they are able to communicate their needs and concerns to an authority member in a healthy way. When someone upsets them, they know it is better to walk away than acting out or seeking revenge. Mental health is more than just labeling someone. To assess someone’s mental health, you really have to get to know that individual and understand their psychology. The negative consequences of an underrepresented status within the immediate interaction context, in relation to social comparison process, operates more forcefully at the face-to-face level rather than when society is the frame of reference. That is why there can be negative consequences of school integration for self-esteem for certain individuals, and negative psychological consequences of being in the underrepresented status on the job. That is why the classroom organization is important for learning of general social norms. We should be patent, but approach our goals with a sense of urgency. We cannot stroll to our goal. Build momentum by taking consistent and daily actions towards what you want. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12
School is important as a transitional institution between the family and job. Conduct in the family and conduct on the job are governed by contrasting normative principles. School provides the bridge between these two institutions by exposing the child to a set of experiences that facilitate learning and internalizing the norms of independence, achievement, universalism, and specificity. The goal of school, in producing competent citizens is carried out not only through the formal program of instruction aimed at developing cognitive skills, but also through the less conspicuous development of other general norms. Because the interaction between teacher and pupil is much more role specific, and more temporary, the distinction between the person and the position becomes much clearer in the school than it is in the family. The child comes to see that teachers, unlike mothers, are interchangeable. Also, they are paid to be fair and look out for your best interest, but it is important to understand that this is a formal relationship, and to see it as that. Independence and achievement are norms that are more relevant to the conduct of pupils, and because they are the basis for evaluating pupils, they have greater psychological consequence for the child. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12
Independence refers to doing thing on one’s own, and connotes such others attributes as accepting responsibility for one’s acts and being self-motivated. We are accountable and will be judged for how we use what we have received. This eternal principle applies to all we have been given. Cheating and formal testing are two aspects of classroom operations that bear directly on the norm of independence. Achievement is perhaps the strongest norm of all. The concept denotes activity and mastery, the striving against some standard of excellence. It is closely tied to the main mission of the school—to teach students to evaluate the extent of their learning. Being constantly evaluated in the classroom, and the evaluations are public means that the implications of this situation go beyond the mere learning of social norms, they go to the heart of the child’s conception of self. Success, based on one’s own efforts, is good for self-esteem and builds confidence in one’s abilities. Failure is not, and public failure is worse. It also has fewer resources than does the family for protecting the child’s self-respect in the face of failure. However, even for those who are more successful on academic criteria, school can be hard on self-esteem. They must constantly work to maintain their status, and few go through this socialization experience without experiencing some failure. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12
Nonetheless, by attempting to avoid feelings, these students, by their actions, increase the probability of actual failure. This is one of the serious, unintended, and undesirable consequences of classroom socialization. Sometimes pressures are generated that lead to patterns of adaptation that are considered undesirable. The educational system perpetuates the economic order and contributes to the integration of youth into the labor force, mainly through a structural correspondence between its social relations and those of production. The relationship of the educational system is supposed to replicate the hierarchical division of labor which dominates the workplace. And some people do not do well in school because it may be a harsh and alien place that devalues much of what they have learned in their family context. For these children, school may be more difficult because it is also a re-socialization situation and the values that they are learning to conform to, as well as the education they are receiving may scare their family, who may be in the poverty segment of society. The relationships between children and teachers are powerful mechanisms for change. When student feel that a teacher believes in them and supports their growth, they feel more confident both academically and socially at school. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12
When children feel more secure at school, they are more prepared to learn. What is fairly distinct about socialization in childhood peer groups is the effect it has on the child’s development and validation of the self; the development of competence in the presentation of self through role-taking and impression management skills; and the acquisition of knowledge left residual or avoided by adults in their socialization of children. The key to the importance of the peer group in the socialization of these domains is the friendship bond. Friendships are based on egalitarian relationships of mutual support and acceptance, where a wider latitude of behavior is allowed than in most other relationships, and where there is no explicit responsibility on the part of friends to change or shape each other’s development (in contrast to parent/child relationships). Since a great deal is tolerated in friendships, the individual is freer to explore and express a wide range of behavior and self-conceptions without fear of condemnation. Friendship relationships are especially appropriate for the mastering of self-presentations and impression-management skills, since inadequate displays will usually be ignored or corrected without severe loss of face. #RandolphHarris 11 of 12
Create a great reputation. A solid reputation is like a fine art, easy to ruin and hard to create. Typically, success in athletics and academics is very important for boys and girls, but girls are also more concerned about being popular with peers. Hence, status in the peer group and classroom functions to provide an alternate source of self-esteem and perhaps to repair self-esteem damaged by other factors. For many if not most of those arriving at school for the first time, the community is the most varied institution in which they have ever experienced—perhaps ever will experience. To become leaders in our diverse society, students today must have the ability to work with people from different backgrounds, life experiences, and perspectives. Dear Lord, we pray to you for the well-being of our families. Creator grant us the strength of heart, mind, and body so that we may be to stand forthcoming trials and tribulations we have to face. Almighty Father, make us so strong as to be able to face the touch obstacles of life, profession, and education so we have exposure to peers with a deep and wide variety of academia interests, viewpoints, and talents in order to better challenge our own assumptions ad develop skills we need to succeed, and to lead, in an ever more diverse workforce and increasingly interconnected World. And it really helps when you have no one to talk to about abuse or bullying when a person in a position of authority lets you know they know. It gives a person hope that someone will save them and to just hold on. That reduces the likelihood of an individual hurting one’s self to escape the torment. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12
Randolph Harris II International Institute 