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You Do Not Love Me, You Do Not Care What Happens to Me! Give the Heaven’s Above More than Just a Passing Glance!
BRIGHTON STATION AT CRESLEIGH RANCH
Rancho Cordova, CA |
Now Selling!
So We Have Asked the Wrong Question: Satan Said to Eve, “You Will be Like God, Knowing Good and Evil!”
The ground floor bedroom in #BrightonStation Residence 4 is the perfect place to recharge. It has its own ensuite bathroom for added privacy! Watch the video walkthrough on our website for more info! 😍 Link in bio. https://cresleigh.com/brighton-station/
I Will be as Harsh as Truth and as Uncompromising as Justice!
Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony is the most sublime noise that has ever penetrated into the ear of humans. There are jobs at every socioeconomic level that place emotional burdens on the worker, but these burdens may have little to do with the performance of emotional labour. Among the less affluent, where work is often deskilled and boring and the work process beyond the worker’s control, the emotional task is often to suppress feelings of frustration, anger, or fear—and often to suppress feelings of any sort. This can be a terrible burden, but it is not in itself emotion labour. Factory workers, truck drivers, farmers and fisher-people, forklift operators, plumbers and bricklayers, chambermaids in transient hotels, and backroom laundry workers do no on the whole have their emotion work as closely subjected to occupational strictures as those who are in positions of catering to business people, or managing a corporations economic obligations. There are, however, many workers who, in promoting a product or a company, transform their show of personality into a symbol of the company, a clue to the nature of its product. These workers are seldom making the major decisions, but in one way or another they represent the decision-makers—not simply in how they look or what they say but in how, emotionally speaking they seem. #RandolphHarris 1 of 23
The advertising maxim “Never sell what you do not believe in” calls for an act of faith. However, since many workers do not earn as much as their bosses do, they are less likely to be, in a sense, really sold. They are more likely to see emotional labour as no more than work to be better at counting costs. Still higher up are the big corporate decision-makers. For them, political, religious, and philosophic beliefs become more “job relevant,” and the bones between self and work are many and diffuse. Here years of training and experience, mixed with a daily carrot-and-stick discipline, conspire to push corporate feeling rules further and further away from self-awareness. Eventually, these rules about how to see things and how to feel about them come to seem “natural,” a part of one’s personality. The longer the employment and the more rewarding the work in terms of interest, power, and pay, the truer this becomes. At the very top of the upper class are the tycoons, the imperial decision-makers. They assume the privilege of personally setting the informal rules to which underlings eagerly attune themselves, rules designed to suit their own personal dispositions. Their notions of what is funny, what to beware of, how grateful to feel, and how hostile one should be to outsiders will become an official culture for their top employees. #RandolphHarris 2 of 23
This position of having so much power is more than the license to indulge emotional idiosyncrasy, for the idiosyncrasies of the powerless can be happily ignored. It is a subtle and pervasive way of dominating through the enforcement of latent feeling rules for subordinates. Interestingly enough, at the other extreme of the class ladder employees may enjoy almost complete freedom from feeling rules, although they have no right to set them for others. They enjoy the license of the dispossessed. To sum up, jobs that place a burden on feelings are common in all classes, which is one reason why work is defined as work and not play. However, emotional labour occurs only in jobs that require personal contact with the public, the production of a state of mind in others, and (except in the true profession) the monitoring of emotional labour by supervisors. It is mainly in these jobs, where deep and surface acting form an important part of the work, that hating the job can prevent one from doing the job well. What a person does at work may bear an uncanny resemblance to the “job description” of being the child of such a worker at home. Big emotion workers tend to raise little ones. #RandolphHarris 3 of 23
Mothers and fathers teach children letters and numbers and manners and a World view, but they also teach them which zone of the self will later be addressed by rules of work. As research on this topic of the family training ground for the transmutation suggest, working-class parents prepare the child to be controlled more by rules that apply to overt behaviour whereas middle-class parent typically prepare them to be governed more by rules that apply to feelings. There is a distinction between two types of “family control system,” the positional and the personal. In the positional control system, clear and formal rules determine who gets to decide what and who gets to do what. The right to make rules is based on formal attributes, such as age, gender, and parenthood. A “positional family” is not necessarily authoritarian or emotionally cold; it simply bases authority on impersonally assigned status and not on personal feelings. Positional appeals, therefore, are appears to impersonally assigned status. For example, to her son who keeps saying he want to play Twirly Curls Barbie Doll by Mattel, a mother might appeal to gender status: “Little boys do not play with dolls, dolls are for your sister; here, take a He-Man, Masters of the Universe, instead.” #RandolphHarris 4 of 23
In the personal control system, what matter far more than formal status is the feelings of parent and child. Parents back up their appeals by such statements as “because it would mean a lot to me,” or “because I am very tired.” Appeals are also aimed at the child’s feelings. A mother using personal control in the situation above might say: “Why do you want to play with Twirly Curls Barbie Doll? She is so boring. Why not play with He-man?” In positional families, control works against the child’s will. In personal families, control works through that will. Thus a child who says “I do not want to kiss grandpa—why must I kiss him always?” will be answered in different ways. Positional: “Children kiss their grandpa,” and “He is not well—I do not want any of your nonsense.” Personal: “I know you do not like kissing Grandpa, but he is unwell and he is very fond of you.” In the personal family, the child appears to have a choice. If the child questions a rule invoked by the parent, the situation is further explained and the alternatives more clearly elaborated. Given the situation and the positional family, the child is told to act according to a rule, and any questioning of it is answered by an appeal to immutable status: “Why? Because I am your mother, and I say so.” The positional child is told what to do and asked to accept the legitimacy of the order. #RandolphHarris 5 of 23
Working-class families are generally more positional, and middle-class families more personal. Middle-class parents are more likely to sanction what they later infer to be a child’s feeling and intent whereas working-class parents are more likely to sanction behaviour itself. A child asked to “love Aunt Tori” might revel by refusing to love Aunt Tori. The child asked to feel ambitious and “love school” might rebel by hating and disdaining success. If authority in the middle class is more expressed though feeling rules and emotion management—if it is more through these than through riles of outer behaviour that we are governed—hen we would do well to examine rebellion as rebellion against dictates in the realm. A middle-class mother is far more likely to punish her son for losing his temper than for engaging in wild and disruptive physical play. His loss of temper, not his wild play, is what is intolerable. The middle-class child seems to be especially subject to three messages. The first is that the feelings of superiors are important. Feeling is linked to power and authority because it is the reason adults often give for the decision they make. The child grows sensitive to feeling and learns to read well. The second is that a child’s own feelings are important. #RandolphHarris 6 of 23
Feelings are worth paying attention to and can be honoured as reasons for doing or not doing something. The middle-class child’s own sense of power is bonded more closely to feeling than to external display. One latent message in the free-school education of the 1960, designed almost exclusively for middle-class students, was that personal feelings are near sacred objects of attention and deserve frequent and detailed discussion. The third is that feelings are meant to be managed—monitored, sanctioned, and controlled. Thus when Tennessee spills milk on his mother’s rare 17th century antique Persian rug (a sickle-leaf, vine scroll and palmette vase-technique carpet, produced in the city of Kerman in the 1600s, part of the Clark Collection), he will be punished less for damaging the rug than for doing it in anger. His transgression is not possessed in not managing his anger. It seems, then, that middle-class children are more likely to be asked to shape their feelings according to the rules they are made aware of. At the very least, they learn hat it is important to know how to manage feeling. In a sense, the true middle-class lesson may be set forth in learning it is through the art of deep acting that we make feelings into instruments we can use. In reviewing this research on the family, I have frequently used the terms “middle-class child” and “working-class child,” but I do not mean to suggest that one is trained to do emotional labour and the other is not. #RandolphHarris 7 of 23
Middle-class parents whose jobs do not involve public contact may train their children to accept positional authority, and less affluent parents whose jobs do involve public contact may train their children to accept personal authority. More precisely, the class messages that parents pass on to their children may roughly as follows. Middle class: “Your feelings count because you are (or will be) considered important by others.” Less affluent: “Your feelings do not count because you are not (or will not be) considered important by others.” However, some times class level does not matter. It may also depend on if the parents resent their children or love them. Cutting across the class messages may be other messages about emotional labour. The two main ones would be as follows. “Learn to manage your feelings, and learn to attune yourself to feeling rules because doing this well will get you places” (emotional-labour occupations). And “Learn to manage your behaviour because that is all the company will ask of you” (nonemotional-labour occupations). Upper-class parents doing emotional labour may combine these messages “Your feelings are important” and “Learn to manage them well” whereas lower-class emotion labourers may stress only the “Manage them well.” #RandolphHarris 8 of 23
Conversely, upper-class parent who do not specialize in emotional labour may emphasize “Your feelings matter” without stressing “Manage them well.” And lower-class parents doing physical or technical work may see no relevance in either message. How feelings are dealt with in families may be determined not so much by social class as by the overall design of emotional labour, which is itself only loosely related to social class. Further, in our society the personal control system extends far beyond the family; it operates, for example, in schools that stress the development of autonomy and emotional control and in jobs that call for a capacity to forge useful relationships. Similarly, the social guardians of the positional control system are found not only in working-class families but in the traditional churches to which they go, and to some extent in the schools, where they learn to manage their behaviour in ways that will be useful on the job. If jobs that call for emotional labour grow and expand with the spread of automation and the decline of unskilled labour—as some analysts believe they will—this general social track may spread much further across other social classes. If this happens, the emotional system itself—emotion work, feeling rules, and social exchange, as hey come into play in a “personal control system”—will grow in importance as a way through which people are persuaded and controlled on and off the job. #RandolphHarris 9 of 23
If, on the other hand, automation and the decline of unskilled labour leads to a decline in emotional labour, as machines replace the personal delivery of services, then this general social track may come to be replaced by another that trains people to be controlled in more impersonal ways. The transmutation of emotional life—the move from the private realm to the public realm, the trend toward standardization and commercialization of emotive offerings—already fans out across the whole class system. Commercial conventions of feeling are being recycled back into individual private lives; emotional life now appears under new management. Talking at dinner about encounters with an irate customer or watching the moves of host and participant on television giveaway programs opens the family home to a larger World of feeling rules. We learn what to expect outside, and we prepare. In the United States of America, this public culture is not simply public; it is commercial. Thus the relation between private emotion work and public emotional labour is a link between a commercial and commercial spheres. The home is no longer a sanctuary from abuses of the profit motive. Yet the marketplace is not without images of the home. #RandolphHarris 10 of 23
The atmosphere of the private living room, which many employees are ask to recall as they are at work in the office, has already borrowed some of the elements of that office. The principles of commerce that govern exchanges in the office are supposed to be softened by the analogy to a private home, a home remote from commerce. However, for a quarter of a century now, private relations between friends and kin have been the basis for living room “parties” at which kitchenware, cosmetics, or (more recently) wedding packages are sold. Similarly, to build a market for air travel, the airlines use the idea of a private family and the feelings one would have there. Airline training strategists borrow from the home the idea of a place where that sort of borrowing does not go on. Yet in a culture like ours, it does. Thus it is in the family that we assess our bonds to the public culture and search out ways in which we may be monitored there. It is in the family—that private refuge, that haven in a heartless World—that some children first see commercial purposes at close hand and prepare for the call from central casting that will let them display their skills on a larger stage. #RandolphHarris 11 of 23
In an essay, Cynthia Ozick describes a comment she once overheard at a party: “For me, the Holocaust and a corncob are the same.” Ozick understands his comment to mean that for a writer, all experience is equal. Literature has no moral content, for it exists purely in the domain of the imagination, a place where only aesthetics matter. Thus, a poet may freely replace the Holocaust with a corncob. Poetic language is only a game of words; the poet need not and in fact should not worry about social responsibility. Literary language is purely self-referential. Law, however, has not been much tempted by the sound of the first voice. Lawyers are all too aware that legal language is not a purely self-referential games, for legal interpretive acts signal and occasion the imposition of violence upon others. In their concern to avoid the social and moral irresponsibility of the first voice, legal thinkers have veered in the opposite direction, toward the safety of the second voice, which speaks from the position of “objectivity” rather than “subjectivity,” “neutrality” rather than “bias.” This voice, like the voice of “We the People,” is ultimately authoritarian and coercive in its attempt to speak for everyone. #RandolphHarris 12 of 23
In both law and literature there are theorists who struggle against their discipline’s grain. Literary theorists such as Henry Louis Gates, Jr., Gayati Spivak, and abdul JanMohamed are attempting to read specific verbal and visual texts against complex cultural codes of power, assertion, and domination which these texts both reflect and, indeed, reinforce. Legal theorists such as Mari Matsuda, Pat Williams, and Derrick Bell juxtapose the voice that allows theorists to discuss liberty, property, and rights in the aspirational mode of liberalism with no connection to what those concepts mean in real people’s lives with the voices of people whose voices are rarely heard in law. In neither law nor literature, however, is the goal merely to replace one voice with its opposite. Rather, the aim is to understand both legal and literary discourse as the complex struggle and unending dialogue between these voices. The metaphor of “voice” implies a speaker. I want to suggest, however, that both voices I have described come from the same source, a source I term “multiple consciousness.” It is a premise of this article that we are no born with a “self,” but rather are composed of a welter of partial, sometimes contradictory, or even antithetical “selves.” #RandolphHarris 13 of 23
A unified identity, if such can ever exist, is a product of will, not a common destiny or natural birthright. Thus, consciousness is never fixed, never attained once and for all; it is not a final outcome or a biological given, but a process, a constant contradictory state of becoming, in which both social institutions and individual wills are deeply implicated. A multiple consciousness is home both to the first and second voices, and all the voices in between. As I use the phrase, “multiple consciousness” as reflected in legal or literary discourse is not a golden mean or static equilibrium between two extremes, but rather a process in which propositions are constantly put forth, challenged, and subverted. Cynthia Ozick argues that “a redemptive literature, a literature that interprets and decodes the World, beaten out for the sake of humanity, must wrestle with its own body, with its own flesh and blood, with its own life.” Similarly, Mari Matsuda, while arguing that in the legal realm “holding on to a multiple consciousness will allow us to operate both within the abstractions of standard jurisprudential discourse, and within the details of our own special knowledge,” acknowledges that “this constant shifting of consciousness produces sometimes madness, sometime genius, sometimes both. #RandolphHarris 14 of 23
The mask, id est, the ad hoc adopted attitude, I have called the persona, which was the name for the masks worn by actors in antiquity. The human who identifies with this make I would call “personal” as opposed to “individual.” The two above-mentioned attitudes represent two collective personalities, which may be summed up quite simply under the name “personae.” I have already suggested that the real individuality is different from both. The persona is thus a functional complex that comes into existence for reasons of adaptation or personal convenience, but is by no means identical with the individuality. The persona is exclusively concerned with the relation to objects. The relation of the individual to the object must be sharply distinguished from the relation to the subject. By the “subject” I mean first of all those vague, dim stirrings, feelings, thoughts, and sensation which follow in on us not from any demonstrable continuity of conscious experience of the object, but well up like a disturbing, inhibiting, or at times helpful, influence from the dark inner depths, from the background and underground vaults of consciousness, and constitute, in their totality, our perception of the life of the unconscious. Just as there is a relation to the outer object, an outer attitude, there is a relation to the inner object, and inner attitude. #RandolphHarris 15 of 23
It is readily understandable that this inner attitude, by reason of its extremely intimate and inaccessible nature, is far more difficult to discern than the outer attitude, which is immediately perceived by everyone. Nevertheless, it does not seem to me impossible to formulae it as a concept. All those allegedly accidental inhibitions, fancies, moods, vague feelings, and scraps of fantasy that hinder concentration and disturb the peace of mine even of the most normal human, and that are rationalized away as being due to bodily causes and suchlike, usually have their origin, not in the reasons consciously ascribed to them, but in perceptions of unconscious processes. Dreams naturally belong to this class of phenomena, and, as we all know, are often traces back to such external and superficial causes as indigestion, sleeping on one’s back, and so forth, in spite of the fact that these explanations can never stand up to searching criticism. The attitude of the individual in these matters is extremely varied. One human will not allow oneself to be disturbed in the slightest by one’s inner processes—one can ignore them completely; another human is just as completely at their mercy—as soon as one wakes up some fantasy or other, or a disagreeable feeling, spoils one’s mood for the whole day. #RandolphHarris 16 of 23
Likewise, a vaguely unpleasant sensation puts the idea into one’s head that one is suffering from a secret disease, a dream fills one with gloomy forebodings, although ordinary one is not superstitious. Others, again, have only periodic access to these unconscious stirrings, or only to a certain category of them. For one human they may never have reached consciousness at all as anything worth thinking about, for another they are worrying problem one broods on daily. One human takes them as physiological, another attributes them to the behaviour of one’s neighours, another finds in them a religious revelation. These entirely different ways of dealing with the stirrings of he unconscious are just as habitual as the attitudes to the outer object. The inner attitude, therefore, is correlated with just as definite a functional complex as the outer attitude. People who, it would seem, entirely overlook their inner psychic process no more lack a typical inner attitude than the people who constantly overlook the outer object and the reality of facts lack a typical outer one. In all the latter cases, which are by no means uncommon, the persona is characterized by a lack of relatedness, at times even a blind inconsiderateness, that yield only to the harshest blows of fate. #RandolphHarris 17 of 23
Not infrequently, it is just these people with a rigid persona who possess an attitude to the unconscious process which is extremely susceptible and open to influence. Inwardly they are as weak, malleable, and “soft-centered” as they are inflexible and unapproachable outwardly. Their inner attitude, therefore, corresponds to a personality that is diametrically opposed to the outer personality. I know a man, for instance, who blindly and pitilessly destroyed the happiness of those nearest him, and yet would interrupt important business journeys just to enjoy the beauty of a forest scene glimpsed from the carriage window of his Ultimate Driving Machine. Cases of this kind are doubtless familiar to everyone, so I need not give further examples. “And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the Earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the Earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you. And I, even I, whom ye call your king, am no better than ye yourselves are; for I am also of the dust. And ye behold that I am old, and am about to yield up this mortal frame to its mother Earth. Therefore, as I said unto you that I had served you, walking with a clear conscious before God, even so I at this time have caused that ye should assemble yourselves together, that I might be found blameless, and that you blood should not come upon me, when I shall stand to be judged of God of the things whereof he hath commanded me concerning you. #RandolphHarris 18 of 23
“I say unto you that I have caused that ye should assemble yourselves together that I might rid my garments of your blood, at this period of time when I am about to go down to my grave, that I might go down in peace, and my immortal spirit may join the choirs above in singing the praises of a just God. And moreover, I say unto you that I have caused that ye should assemble yourselves together, that I might declare unto you that I can no longer be your teacher, nor your king; for even at this time, my whole frame doth tremble exceedingly while attempting to speak unto you; but the Lord God doth support me, and hath suffered me that I should speak unto you, and hath commanded me that I should declare unto you this day, that my son Mosiah is a king and a ruler over you. And now, my brethren, I would that ye should so as ye have hitherto done. As ye have kept my commandments of my father, and have prospered, and have been kept from falling into the hands of your enemies, even so if ye shall keep the commandments of my son, or the commandments of God which shall be delivered unto you by him, ye shall prosper in the land, and your enemies shall have no power over you. #RandolphHarris 19 of 23
“However, O my people, beware lest there shall arise contentions among you, and ye list to obey the evil spirit, which was spoke of by my father Mosiah. For behold, there is a wo pronounced upon one who listeth to obey that spirit; for if one listeth to obey him and remaineth and dieth in one’s sins, the same drinketh damnation to one’s own soul; for one receiveth for one’s wages an everlasting punishment, having transgressed the law of God contrary to one’s own knowledge. I say unto you, that there are not any among you, expect it be your little children that have not been taught concerning these things, but what knoweth that ye are eternally indebted to your Heavenly Father, to render to him all that you have and are; and also have been taught concerning the records which contain the prophecies which have been spoken by the holy prophets, even down to the time of our father, Lehi, left Jerusalem; and also, all that has been spoken by our fathers until now. And behold, also, they spake that which was commanded them of the Lord; therefore, they are just and true. And now, I say unto you, my brethren, that after ye have known and have been taught all these things, if ye should transgress and go contrary to that which has been spoken, that ye do withdraw yourselves from the Spirit of the Lord, that it may have no place in you to guide you in wisdom’s paths that ye may be blessed, prospered, and preserved. #RandolphHarris 20 of 23
“I say unto you, that the human that doeth this, the same cometh out in open rebellion against God; therefore ne listeth to obey the evil spirit, and becometh an enemy to all righteousness; therefore, the Lord has no place for one, for one dwelleth not in unholy temples. Therefore if that human repenteth not, and remaineth and dieth an enemy to God, the demands of divine justice do awaken one’s immortal soul to a lively sense of one’s own guilt, which doth cause one to shrink from the presence of the Lord, and doth fill one’s breast with guilt, and pain, and anguish, which is like an unquenchable fire, whose flame ascendeth up forever and ever. And now I say unto you, that mercy hath no claim on that human; therefore one’s final doom is to endure a never-ending torment. O, all ye old human, and also ye young humans, and you little children who can understand my words, for I have spoken plainly unto you that ye might understand, I pray that ye should aware to a remembrance of the awful situation of those that have fallen into transgression. And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into Heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. #RandolphHarris 21 of 23
“O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it,” reports Mosiah 2.25-40. Thou Eternal Source, Author of all created being and happiness, I adore Thee for making humans capable of religion, that one may be taught to say: “Where is God, my Maker, who giveth song in the night?” However, degeneracy has spread over our human race, turning glory into shame, rendering us forgetful of Thee. We know it is Thy power alone that can recall wandering children, can impress on them a sense of divine things, and can render that sense of divine things, and can render that sense lasting and effectual; from Thee proceed all good purposes and desires, and the diffusing of piety and happiness. Thou hast knowledge of my soul’s secret principles, and art aware of my desire to spread the gospel. Make me an almoner to give Thy bounties to the indigent, comfort to the mentally ill, restoration to the sin-diseased, hope to the despairing, joy to the sorrowing, love to the prodigals. Blow away the ashes of unbelief by Thy Spirit’ breath and give me light, fire, and warmth of love. I need spiritual comforts that are gentle, peaceful, mild, refreshing, that will melt me into conscious lowliness before Thee, that will make me feel and rest in Thee as my All. #RandolphHarris 22 of 23
Please fill the garden of my soul with the wind of love, that the scents of the Christian life may be wafted to others; then come and gather fruits to Thy glory. So shall I fulfill the great end of my being—to glorify Thee and be a blessing to humans. May the Communion of Thy Sacrament, O Lord, both purify use and makes us one, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Please deliver us from evil, Lord Jesus Christ! We eat Thy Body, which was crucified for us, and we drink Thy blood, which was shed for us: may Thy holy Body prove our salvation, and Thy holy Blood the forgiveness of our sins, both now and forever. Being fed with Heavenly Food, and refreshed with the eternal Cup, let us give unceasing thanks and praise to the Lord our God, entreating that we, who have spiritually received the most holy Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, may be freed from carnal vices and be made spiritual. O God, Who are eternal salvation, and inestimable blessedness, grant, we beseech Thee, to all Thy servants, that we who have received things holy and blessed, may be enabled to be holy and blessed evermore. God of righteousness, God of mercy, God of immortality and life, God of brightness and glory, we pray and beseech Thee, that being refreshed by Divine gifts, we may be preserved by Thee for Thyself unto the bliss which is to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. #RandolphHarris 23 of 23
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One Might Call Me a Stepchild of Our Culture—I Might Have Been a Gold-Fish in a Glass Bowl!
The value of life is possessed, not in the length of the days, but in the use we make of them; a human may live long, yet live very little. Satisfaction in life depends not on the number of years, but on your will. The greatest thing in the World is to know how to be self-sufficient. There are certain typical difficulties inherent in our culture, which mirror themselves as conflicts in every individual’s life and which, accumulated, may lead to the formation of the neuroses. Since I am not a sociologist, I shall merely point out briefly the main trends which has a bearing on the problem of neurosis and culture. Modern culture is economically based on the principle of individual competition. The isolated individual has to fight with other individuals of the same group, has to surpass them and, frequently, thrust them aside. The advantage of the one is frequently the disadvantaged of the other. The psychic result of this situation is a diffuse hostile tension between individuals. Everyone is the real or potential competitor of everyone else. This situation is clearly apparent among members of the same occupational group, regardless of strivings to be fair or of attempts to camouflage by polite considerations. It must be emphasized, however, that competitiveness, and the potential hostility that accompanies it, pervades all human relationships. #RandolphHarris 1 of 21
Competitiveness is one of the predominant factors in social relationships. It pervades the relationships between men and men, between women and women, and whether the point of competition be popularity, competence, attractiveness or any other social value it greatly impairs the possibilities of reliable friendship. It also, as already indicated, disturbs the relations between men and women, not only in the choice of the partner but in the entire struggle with one for superiority. It pervades school life. And perhaps most important of all, it pervades the family situation, so that as a rule the child is inoculated with this germ from the very beginning. The rivalry between father and son, mother and daughter, one child and another, is not a general human phenomenon but is the response to culturally conditioned stimuli. It remains one of Dr. Freud’s great achievements to have seen the role of rivalry in the family, as expressed in his concept of the Oedipus complex and in other hypotheses. It must be added, however, that this rivalry itself is not biologically conditioned but is a result of given cultural condition and, furthermore, that the family situation is not the only one to stir up rivalry, but that the competitive stimuli are active from the cradle to the grave. #RandolphHarris 2 of 21
The potential hostile tension between individuals results in a constant generation of fear—fear of the potential hostility of others, reinforced by a fear of retaliation for hostilities of one’s own. Another important source of fear in the normal individual is the prospect of failure. The fear of failure is a realistic one because, in general, the chances of failing are much greater than those of succeeding, and because failures in a competitive society entail a realistic frustration of needs. They mean not only economic insecurity, but also loss of prestige and all kinds of emotional frustrations. Another reason why success is such a fascinating phantom is its effect on out self-esteem. It is not only by others that we are valued accord to the degree of our success; willy-nilly our own self-evaluation follows the same pattern. According to existing ideologies success is due to our own intrinsic merits, or in religious terms, is a visible sign of the grace of God; in reality it is dependent on a number of factors independent of our control—fortuitous circumstances, unscrupulousness, and the like. Nevertheless, under the pressure of the existing ideology, even the most normal person is constrained to feel that one amounts to something when successful, and is worthless if one is defeated. Needless to say, this presents a shaky basis for self-esteem. #RandolphHarris 3 of 21
All these factors together—competitiveness and its potential hostilities between fellow-beings, fears, diminished self-esteem—result psychologically in the individual feeling that one is isolated. Even when one has many contacts with others, even when one is happily married, one is emotionally isolated. Emotional isolation is hard for anyone to endure; it becomes a calamity, however, if it coincides with apprehensions and uncertainties about one’s self. It is this situation which provokes, in the normal individual of our time, an intensified need for affection as a remedy. Obtaining affection makes one feel less isolated, less threatened by hostility and less uncertain of oneself. Because it corresponds to a vital need, love is overvalued in our culture. It becomes a phantom—like success—carrying with it the illusion that it is a solution for all problems. Love itself is not an illusion—although in our culture it is most often a screen for satisfying wishes that have nothing to do with it—but it is made an illusion by our expecting much more of it than it can possibly fulfill. And the ideological emphasis that we place on love serves to cover up the factors which create our exaggerated need for it. Hence the individual—and I still mean the normal individual—is in the dilemma of needing a great deal of affection but finding difficulty in obtaining it. #RandolphHarris 4 of 21
The situation thus far represents a fertile ground for the development of neuroses. The same cultural factors that affect the normal person—leading one toward a shaky self-esteem, potential hostile tension, apprehensiveness, competitiveness entailing fear and hostility, enhanced need for satisfactory personal relations—affect the neurotic to a higher degree and in one the same results are merely intensified—a crushed self-esteem, destructiveness, anxiety, enhanced competitiveness entailing anxiety and destructive impulses, and excessive need for affection. When we remember that in every neurosis there are contradictory tendencies which the neurotic is unable to reconcile, the question arises as to whether there are not likewise certain definite contradictions in our culture, which underlie the typical neurotic conflicts. It would be the task of the sociologist to study and describe these cultural contradictions. It must suffice for me to indicate briefly and schematically some of the main contradictory tendencies. The first contradiction to be mentioned is that between competition and success on the one hand, and humanly love and humility on the other. On the one hand everything is done to spur us toward success, which means that we must be not only assertive but aggressive, able to push others out of the way. #RandolphHarris 5 of 21
On the other hand we are deeply imbued with Christian ideals which declare that it is selfish to want anything for ourselves, that we should be humble, turn the other cheek, by yielding. For this contradiction there are only two solutions within the normal range: to take one of these strivings seriously and discard the other; or to take both seriously with the result that the individual is seriously inhibited in both directions. The second contradiction is that between the stimulation of our needs and our factual frustrations in satisfying them. For economic reasons needs are constantly being stimulated in our cultural by such means as advertisements, “conspicuous consumption,” the ideal of “keeping up with Hiltons.” For the great majority, however, the actual fulfillment of these needs is closely restricted. They psychic consequences for the individual is a constant discrepancy between one’s desires and their fulfillment. Another contradiction exists between the alleged freedom of the individual and all one’s factual limitations. The individual is told by society that one is free, independent, can decide one’s life according to one’s own free will; “the great game of life” is open to one, and one can get what one wants if one is efficient and energetic. In actual fact, for the majority of people all these possibilities are limited. #RandolphHarris 6 of 21
What has been said facetiously of the impossibility of choosing one’s parents can well be extended to life in general—choosing and succeeding in an occupation, choosing ways of recreation, choosing a mate. The result for the individual is a wavering between a feeling of boundless power in determining one’s own fate and a feeling of entire helplessness. These contradictions embedded in our culture are precisely the conflict which the neurotic struggles to reconcile: one’s tendencies toward aggressiveness and one’s tendencies toward yielding; one’s excessive demands and one’s fear of never getting anything; one’s striving toward self-aggrandizement and one’s feeling of personal helplessness. The difference from the normal is merely quantitative. While the normal person is able to cope with the difficulties without damage to one’s personality, in the neurotic all the conflicts are intensified to a degree that makes any satisfactory solution impossible. It seems that the person who is likely to become neurotic is one who has experienced the culturally determined difficulties in an accentuated form, mostly through the medium of childhood experiences, and who has consequently been unable to solve them, or has solved them only at great cost to one’s personality. We might call one a stepchild of our culture. #RandolphHarris 7 of 21
The individual’s “own” group, then, may inform the code of conduct professionals advocate for one. The stigmatized individual is also asked to see oneself from the point of view of a second grouping: the normals and the wider society that they constitute. I want to consider at some length the shadow cast by this second standpoint. The language of this stance inspired by normals is not so much political, as in the previous case, as it is psychiatric—the imagery of mental hygiene being employed as a source of rhetoric. One who adheres to the advocated line is said to be mature and to have achieved a good personal adjustment; one who does not follow the line is said to be an impaired person, rigid, defensive, with inadequate inner resources. What does this advocacy involved? The individual is advised to see oneself as fully human being like anyone else, one who at worst happens to be excluded from what is, in the last analysis, merely one area of social life. One is not a type or a category, but a human being: Who said that the physically disabled are unfortunate? Do they, or do you? Just because they cannot dance? All music has to stop sometime anyway. Just because they cannot play tennis? Lots of times the Sun is too hot! Just because you have to help them down the stairs? Is there something else you would rather do? #RandolphHarris 8 of 21
Polio is not sad—it is just darned inconvenient—it means you cannot have those fits of temper and run into your room and kick the door shut any more. Disabled is an awful word. It specifies! It sets apart! It is too intimate! It is condescending! It makes me want to vomit like a wiggling creature coming out of the cocoon. Since one’s affliction is nothing in itself, one should not be ashamed of it or of others who have it; nor should one compromise oneself by trying to conceal it. On the other hand, by hard work and persistent self-training one should fulfill ordinary standards as fully as one can, stopping short only when the issue of normifcation arises; that is, where one’s efforts might give the impression that one is trying to deny one’s differentness. (This very fine line is drawn differently, of course, by different professionals, but because of this ambiguity it needs professional presentation all the more.) And because normals have their troubles, too, the stigmatized individual should not feel bitter, resentful, or self-pitying. A cheerful, outgoing manner should be cultivated. A formula for handling normals follows logically. The skills that the stigmatized individual acquires in dealing with a mixed social situation should be used to help the others in it. Normals really mean no harm; when they do, it is because they do not know better. They should therefore be tactfully helped to act nicely. #RandolphHarris 9 of 21
Slights, snubs, and untactful remarks should not be answered in kind. Either no notice should be taken or the stigmatized individual should make an effort at sympathetic re-education of the normal, showing one, point for point, quietly, and with delicacy, that in spite of appearances the stigmatized individual is, underneath it all, a fully-human being. (So complete is the individual’s derivation from society, that society can rely on those who are the least accepted as normal members, the least rewarded by the pleasures of easy social intercourse with others, to provide a statement, clarification, and tribute to the inward being of every human. The more the stigmatized individual deviates from the norm, the more wonderfully one may have to express possession of the standard subjective self if one is to convince others that on possesses, it and the more they may demand that one provide them with a model of what an ordinary person is supposed to feel about oneself.) When the stigmatizes person finds that normals have difficulty in ignoring one’s failings, one should try to help them and the social situation by conscious efforts to reduce tension. In these circumstances the stigmatized individual may, for example, attempt to “break the ice,” explicitly referring to one’s failing in a way that shows one is detached, able to take one’s condition in stride. #RandolphHarris 10 of 21
In addition to matter-of-factness, levity is also recommended: “Then there was the cigarette gag. That was invariably god for a laugh. Whenever I would walk into a restaurant, bar, or party, I would whip out a pack of butts, open it ostentatiously, take one, light it, and sit back puffing on it contentedly. That almost always attracted attention. People would stare and I could almost hear them saying, My! Is it not wonderful what he can do with a pair of hooks? Whenever anyone commented on this accomplishment I would smile and say ‘There is one thing I never have to worry about. That is burning my fingers.’ Corny, I know, but a sure icebreaker.” It should be noted that one who attempts to break the ice may, of course, be seen as exploiting the situation for what can be wrung from it, as novelists have pointed out. However, being able to break the ice, one may be demonstrating to oneself that one has superior control in the situation. A somewhat sophisticated female patient whose face had been scarred by a beauty treatment felt it effective upon entering a room of people to say facetiously, “Please excuse the case of leprosy.” It is also suggested that the stigmatized individual in mixed company may find it useful to refer to one’s disability and one’s group in the language one employs when with one’s own, and the language employed about one when normals are among their own—thus proffering the normals present a temporary status as wise one. #RandolphHarris 11 of 21
At other times one may find it appropriate to conform to “disclosure etiquette” and introduce one’s failing as a topic of serious conversation, in this way hoping to reduce its significance as a topic of suppressed concern: The injured man’s feeling that, as a person, one is not understood, combined with the non-injured person’s embarrassment in one’s presence, produced a strained, uncomfortable relationship which further serves to separate them. To relieve this social strain and gain greater acceptance, the injured person may not only be willing to satisfy the expressed curiosity of non-injured persons…but may also oneself initiate discussions of the injury. Other means of helping the others to be tactful toward one are also recommended, such as, in the case of facial disfigurements, pausing on the threshold of an encounter so the participants-to-be will have a chance to compose their response. A 37-year-old male whose face is grossly disfigured but who carries on a real estate business, “When I have an appointment with a new contact, I try to manage to be standing at a distance and facing the door, so the person entering will have more time to see me and get adjusted to my appearance before we start talking.” #RandolphHarris 12 of 21
The stigmatized individual is also advised to act as if the efforts of normals to ease matters for one were effective and appreciated. Unsolicited offers of interest, sympathy, and help, although often perceived by the stigmatized as an encroachment on privacy and a presumption, are to be tactfully accepted: “Yet, help is not only a problem to those who render it. If the disabled individual wants the ice to be broken, one must admit the value of help and allow people to give it to one. Innumerable times I have seen the fear and bewilderment in people’s eyes vanish as I have stretched out my hand for help, and I have felt life and warmth stream from the helping hands I have taken. We are not always aware of the help we may give b accepting assistance, that in this way we may establish a foothold for contact.” A polio patient author states a similar theme: “When my neighbours ring my bell on a snowy day to inquire if I need something from the store, even though I am prepared for bad weather I try to think up some item rather than reject a generous offer. It is kinder to accept help than refuse it in an effort to prove independence.” And similarly, an amputee: “A lot of amputees sort of humour the others to make them feel good because they are doing something for you. It does not make other people uncomfortable like it could if you were still standing up.” #RandolphHarris 13 of 21
The call, properly done, is a call from God who is inviting us corporately into His presence. We listen to God’s works with reverent, prayerful anticipation. As the call ends, we are led in an invocation which invites God to meet us and calls us to submit ourselves in worship, for His glory. When God stands before us, we stand before Him. Refusing to worship Him is a way of trying to avoid his face and his eyes. Even the One-and-a half-year-old Annie was enjoying water in the back yard with her brother Leo, and grandmother “Boomba.” Boomba gently counseled her to water the peonies, but she had just discovered mud by pouring water on a small patch of dirt. Boomba told her not to put water on the dirt because it makes mud and mud will “get everything dirty.” Well, mud it was anyway, and little Annie even put the mud into a small tub of water nearby, calling it then “warm chocolate,” and she ate some. Boomba, who had been reading facing away from the action, soon discovered and cleaned up what to her was a mess, and then returned to her reading, but now seated so as to be facing Annie. However, the little girl soon resumed her “warm chocolate” routine, saying sweetly, “Do not look at me, Boomba. Okay?” Boomba of course agreed, and looked down at her reading. #RandolphHarris 14 of 21
Then Annie would make black mud and put some of it in the tub. And then some more. Three times she said, as she continued with her work, “Do not look at me, Boomba. Okay?” The tender soul of a little child shows us how necessary it is to us that we unobserved in our wrong. The adult soul carries the same burden—but now so great as to be crushed by it. And when the face of God will no longer be avoidable, that soul will cry out in agony “to the mountains and to the rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the face Him who sits on the throne,’” reports Revelation 6.15-16. The so-called “right to privacy” of which so much is made in contemporary life is in very large measure merely a way of avoiding scrutiny in our wrongdoing. King Benjamin addresses his people—he recounts the equity, fairness, and spirituality of his reign—he counsels them to serve their Heavenly King—those who rebel against God will suffer anguish like unquenchable fire. About 124 Before Christ. “And it came to pass that after Mosiah had done as his father had commanded him, and had made a proclamation throughout all the and, that the people gathered themselves together throughout all the land, that they might go up to the temple to hear the words which king Benjamin should speak unto them. And there were a great number, even so many that they did not number them; for they had multiplied exceedingly and waxed great in the land. #RandolphHarris 15 of 21
“And they also took the firstlings of their flocks, that they might offer sacrifice and burnt offerings according to the law of Moses; and also that they might give thanks to the Lord their God, who had brought them out of the land of Jerusalem, and who had delivered them out of the hands of their enemies, and had appointed just humans to be their teachers, and also a just man to be their kind, who had established peace in the land of Zarahemla, and who had taught them to keep the commandments of God, that they might rejoice and be filled with love towards God and all humans. And it came to pass that when they came up to the temple, they pitched their tents round about, every human according to one’s family, consisting of one’s wife, and one’s sons, and one’s daughters, and their sons, and their daughters, from the eldest down to the youngest, every family being separate one from another. And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every human having one’s tent with the door there of towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which king Benjamin should speak unto them; for the multitude being so great that king Benjamin could not teach them all within the walls of the temple, therefore he caused a tower to be erected, that thereby his people might hear the words which he should speak unto them. #RandolphHarris 16 of 21
“And it came to pass that he began to speak to his people from the tower; and they could not all hear his words because of the greatness of the multitude; therefore he caused that the words which he spake should be written and sent forth among those that were not under the sound of his voice, that they might also receive his words. And these are the words which he spake and caused to be written, saying: My brethren, all ye that have assembled yourselves together, you that can hear my words which I shall speak unto you this day; for I have not commanded you to come up hither to trifle with the words which I shall speak, but that you should hearken unto me, and open your ears that ye may hear, and your hears that ye may understand, and your minds that the mysteries of God maybe unfolded to your view. I have not commanded you to come up hither that ye should fear me, or that ye should think that I of myself am more than a mortal man. However, I am like as yourselves, subject to all manner of infirmities in body and mind; yet I have been chosen by this people, and consecrated by my father, and was suffered by the hand of the Lord that I should be a ruler and a king over this people; and have been kept and preserved by his matchless power to serve you with all the might, mind and strength which the Lord hath grated unto me. #RandolphHarris 17 of 21
“I say unto you that as I have been suffered to spend my days in your service, even up to this time, and have not sought gold nor sliver nor any manner of riches of you; neither have I suffered that ye should be confined in dungeons, nor that ye should make slaves of one another, nor that ye should murder, or plunder, or steal, or commit adultery; nor even have I suffered that ye should commit any manner of wickedness, and have taught you that ye should keep the commandments of the Lord, in all things which he hath commanded you—and even I, myself, have labored with mine own hands that I might serve you, and that ye should not be laden with taxes, and that there should nothing come upon you which was grievous to be borne—and of all these things which I have spoken, ye yourselves are witnesses this day. Yet, my brethren, I have not done these things that I might boast, neither do I tell these things that thereby I might accuse you; but I tell you these things that ye may know that I can answer a clear conscience before God this day. Behold, I say unto you that because I said unto you that I had spent my days in your service, I do not desire to boast, for I have only been in the service of God. And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God. #RandolphHarris 18 of 21
“Behold, ye have called me your king; and if I, whom ye call your king, do labor to serve you, then ought not ye to labor to serve one another? And behold also, if I, whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your Heavenly King! I say unto you, my brethren, that is you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting your from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants. And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you. #RandolphHarris 19 of 21
“And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he had paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast? Thou God of my end, Thou hast given me a fixed disposition to go forth and spend my life for Thee; if it by Thy will let me proceed in it; if not, then revoke my intentions. All I want in life is such circumstances as may best enable me to serve Thee in the World; to this end I leave all my concerns in Thy hand, but let me not be discouraged, for this hinders my spiritual fervency; enable me to undertake some task for Thee, for this refreshes and animates my soul, so that I could endure all hardships and labours, and willingly suffer for Thy name. However, O what a death it is to strive and labour, to be always in a hurry and yet do nothing! Alas, time flies and I am of little use. O that I could be a flame of fire in Thy service, always burning out in one continual blaze. Please fit me for singular usefulness in the World. Please fit me to exult in distresses of every kind if they but promote the advancement of Thy kingdom. Fit me to quit all hopes of the World’s friendship, and give me a deeper sense of my sinfulness. #RandolphHarris 20 of 21
Please fit me to accept as just desert from Thee any trial that may befall me. Please fit me to be totally resigned to the denial of pleasures I desire, and to be content to spend m time with Thee. Please fit me to pray with a sense of the joy of divine communion, to find all times happy seasons to my soul, to see my own nothingness, and wonder that I am allowed to serve Thee. Please fit me to enter the blessed World where no unclean thing is, and to know Thee with me always. May the holy Food and Drink be salutary to us, O Lord; may it fortify our temporal life, and give us life eternal; through Jesus Christ our Lord. O God, Who touchest us in the participation of Thy Sacrament, work out in our hearts the effects of its power, that through Thy Gift itself we may be fitted for the reception of the same; through Jesus Christ our Lord. May the Heavenly Mystery, O Lord, be to us a renewal of soul and body; and as we have gone through the performance of it, may we feel its effect, through Jesus Christ our Lord. We thank Thee, O Lord, Who refreshest us both with the partaking of the Heavenly Sacrament and with the solemn remembrance of Thy righteous servants, through Jesus Christ our Lord. May the vices of our hearts be overcome by this Medicine, which came to heal the diseases of our mortal nature. #RandolphHarris 21 of 21
This #PlumasRanch laundry room makes our heads spin with all that storage! 😍
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Almighty and everlasting God, preserve the works of Thy mercy, and pour into our hearts the sweetness of the Body and Blood of Thine Only-begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord. #CresleighHomes
If Someone Breaks a Law and Harms Someone Else, What Should Happen?
Is that a Monet? No, wait, that’s just your gorgeous backyard on display thanks to the extra-large windows in your dining room. Who needs a statement piece when your landscaping can speak for itself. 🤩 // #MillsStation Residence 2
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Hitch Your Wagon to a Star and Never Leave that Till Tomorrow which You Can do Today!
This week’s Cresleigh Blog welcomes you to #MillsStation at #CresleighRanch! Located in the heart of Rancho Cordova, this community features modern homes built for making memories. 😍 Check it out at the link in bio! https://www.instagram.com/p/CBWN3lLgHaX/
Is Tragedy Stronger than Hope? Does the Past Conquer the Future? Is Wrath More Powerful than Mercy?
There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life. We have seen that in struggling with one’s conflicts the neurotic person undergoes a great deal of suffering, that moreover one often uses suffering as a means of attaining certain goals which, because of existing dilemmas, are difficult to attain otherwise. Though we are able to recognize in every individual situation the reasons why suffering is used and the ends that are to be achieved by it, there remains some bewilderment why people should be willing to pay such an enormous price. It looks as if the generous use made of suffering, and the readiness to recoil from an active mastering of life, grow out of an underlying drive which can be roughly described as a tendency to make the self weaker instead of stronger, miserable instead of happy. Since this tendency is contradictory to general conceptions of human’s nature it has been a great puzzle, in fact a stumbling block to psychology and psychiatry. It is indeed the basic problem of masochism. The term masochism originally referred to perversions dealing with pleasures of the flesh, and fantasies in which pleasures of the flesh is obtained through suffering, though being beaten, tortured, assaulted, enslaved, humiliated. #RandolphHarris 1 of 23
We can *spot* your future at #PlumasRanch. 😉 With three brand new communities and multiple floor plans to choose from, your dream home is within reach! Give us a call or visit our website to learn more. | (530) 870-8748 https://cresleigh.com/cresleigh-meadows-at-plumas-ranch/residence-4/
So Short is Our Life and it Seems to Long Against the Envy of Less Happier Lands
Find plenty of room to roam at #CresleighRanch! Our modern floor plans can be customized to fit you and your lifestyle. Find your future home on our website. Link in bio. 🏡 https://cresleigh.com/brighton-station/residence-4/
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There are Two things to Aim at in Life: First to Get What You Want; and, After that, To Enjoy it!
The best accent piece in your Great Room? Vaulted ceilings. Good thing #MillsStation Residence 2 is built to maximize your natural light. 🤩 Check out the interactive floor plan and video walkthrough on our website! Link in bio.
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The People Will Live on—The Learning and Blundering People Will Live on!
Why do we love @HUBApts kitchens so much? Their streamlined design and modern color palette make us want to cook all day, every day. And we are loving it! https://sites.google.com/fpimgt.com/hubvirtualtours/home4
Randolph Harris II International Institute 