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Whenever I Found the Living, there I Found the Will to Power—I Have Been through All the World and I Will Take You to Safe Places!

These demons are mindless, immature, and deviant, but I had studied their conduct and I have learned from all the evidence why it is that they rage. They are maddened that they do not have bodies, that that cannot feel as we feel. They make the innocent scream filth because the rites of love and passion are things that they cannot possibly know. They can work the body parts but not truly inhabit them, and so they are obsessed with the flesh that they cannot invade. And with their feeble powers they bump upon objects, they make their victims twist and jump. This longing to be carnal is the origin of their anger, the indication of the suffering which is their lot. Power is essential for all living things. Mortals in particular, cast on this barren crust of Earth aeons ago with the hope and the requirement that one survive, finds one must use one’s powers and confront opposing forces at every point in one’s struggle with the Earth and with one’s fellows. Insecure as one has been through the ages, buffeted by limitations and weakness, laid low by illness and ultimately by death, one nevertheless asserts one’s powers in creativity. One product of this is civilization. #RandolphHarris 1 of 13

The word power comes from the Latin posse, meaning to be able. We can see the vicissitudes of the emergence of power as soon as a baby is born into the World—in his cry and in the waving of his arms in demand that he be fed. The cooperative, loving side of existence goes hand in hand with coping and power, but neither the one nor the other can be neglected if life is to be gratifying. Our appreciation of the Earth and the support of our fellows are not gained by abdication of our powers, but by cooperative use of them. The infant’s capacity to cope with necessities becomes, in the growing adult, the struggle for self-esteem and for the sense of significance as a person. This latter is his psychological reason for living in contrast to the infant’s biological one. They cry for recognition becomes the central psychological cry: I must be able to say I am, to affirm myself in a World into which, by my capacity to assert myself, I put meaning, I create meaning. And I must do this in the face of nature’s magnificent indifference to my struggles. It is important that we remind ourselves that we mean neither will nor power in the competitive sense of the modern day, but rather self-realization and self-actualization. If we are freed from thinking of power only in the pejorative sense, we are better able to agree with others. #RandolphHarris 2 of 13

Far from treating power only as a term of abuse, one which is to be applied to our enemies (for instance, they are power-driven, but we are motivated only by benevolence, reason, and morality), I use it as a description of a fundamental aspect of the life process. It is not to be identified with life itself; there is much in human existence—like curiosity and love and creativity—that may be and normally is related to power but is not to called power in itself. However, if we neglect the factor of power, as is the tendency in our day of reaction against the destructive effects of the misuse of power, we shall lose values that are essential to our existence as human. A great deal of human life can be seen as the conflict between power on one side (for instance, effective ways of influencing others, achieving the sense in interpersonal relations of the significance of one’s self) and powerlessness on the other. In this conflict our efforts are made much more difficult by the fact that we block out both sides, the former because of the evil connotation of power drives, and the latter because our powerlessness is too painful to confront. #RandolphHarris 3 of 13

Indeed, the chief reason people refuse to confront the whole issue of power is that if they did, they would have to face their own powerlessness. As soon as powerlessness is referred to by its more personal name, helplessness or weakness, many people will sense that they are heavily burdened by it. Indeed, no social emotion is more widespread today then the conviction of personal powerlessness, the sense of being beset, beleaguered, and persecuted. Majority rule, for which mortals have struggled for centuries, has produced a situation in which mortals are more important, more powerless to influence their government then 200 years ago. The juggernaut of the state grinds on with no attention paid to you or me. And now multitudes are having to get used to living without their usual confidence that America is the World’s most powerful nation, a confidence to which, inadequate as it was, many people clung for their past sense of personal status. To admit our own individual feelings of powerlessness—that we cannot influence many people; that we count for little; that the values to which our parents devoted their lives are to us insubstantial and worthless; that we feel ourselves to be faceless others, insignificant to other people, and therefore, not worth much to ourselves—this is, indeed, difficult to admit. #RandolphHarris 4 of 13

I cannot recall a time during the last four decades when there was so much talk about the individual’s capacities and potentialities and so little actual confidence on the part of the individual about one’s power to make a difference psychologically or politically. The talk is at least partially a compensatory symptom for our disquieting awareness of our very loss of power. It is, therefore, understandable in this transitional age, when we have at our fingertips the power to blow each other off the face of the planet, that certain persons should purpose we give up the human experiment. We live in times too dangerous to trust to human individual mood or choice…We can no longer control the people in power, and we therefore must resort to pacifying drugs to control our leaders. We can appreciate this despair, especially when we consider the powerlessness of the Blacks, out of which the impetus for this proposal arises. However, this does not prevent our also realizing, as we read with sinking heart of the new discoveries of chemicals that purport to cure modern mortals of their aggressiveness and develop in one a cooperative personality, that use of them goes with depersonalization and loss of our sense of personal responsibility. This alternative would mean, indeed, a gradual abdication of mortal’s humanity. #RandolphHarris 5 of 13

Other psychologist, noting that we have not done very well in controlling ourselves, propose to do that controlling for us in the form of operant conditioning. We hear of new methods  of bringing up our children which will train out of them aggressive tendencies and make them docile and placid. Have everyone forgotten this despair in which people are polarized into two groups, the majority domesticated into docile, sheeplike passivity, their flesh soft and tender, who are then eaten by a tougher group, the engineers of this social program? The failure of nerve theories arise out of the true observation that the exercise of power has done colossal harm in the modern World. The proposals have the double attraction of expressing the reaction against power and promising a utopia in the same breath. They will have a strong following among people threatened by importance and hoping against hope for some substitute for power. American’s concern about the possible misuse of power verges at times on a neurotic obsession.  The important question, however, is not whether these theories are right or wrong. #RandolphHarris 6 of 13

Rather it is whether or not we would, by trying to rid ourselves of our tendencies toward aggression, be discarding those values essential to our humanity—our self-affirmation and self-assertion, just to mention two. And would we not then be adding greatly to our feeling of powerlessness and this setting the stage for an eruption of violence that would dwarf everything so far? For violence has its breeding group in impotence and apathy. True, aggression has been so often and so regularly escalated into violence that anyone’s discouragement and fear of it can be understood. However, what is not seen is that the state of powerlessness, which leads to apathy and which can be produced by the above plans for the uprooting of aggression, is the source of violence. As we make people powerless, we promote their violence rather than its control. Deeds of violence in our society are performed largely by those trying to establish their self-esteem, to defend their self-image, and to demonstrate that they, too, are significant. Regardless of how derailed or wrongly used these motivations may be or how destructive their expression, they are still the manifestations of beneficial interpersonal needs. We cannot ignore the fact that, no matter how difficult their redirection may be, these needs themselves are potentially constructive. #RandolphHarris 7 of 13

Violence arises not out of superfluity of power but out of powerlessness. Violence is the expression of impotence. Confused as to one’s place in the scheme of a World growing each day closer yet more impersonal, more densely populated yet in face-to-face relations more dehumanized; a World appealing ever more widely for one’s concern and sympathy with unknown masses of mortals, yet fundamentally alienating one even from one’s next neighbor, today Western mortals have become mechanized, routinized, made comfortable as an object; but in the profound sense displaced and thrown off balance as a subjective creator and power. This theme of the alienation of modern mortals runs through the literature and drama of two continents; it can be traced in the content as well as the form of modern art; it preoccupies theologians and philosophers, and to many psychologists and sociologists, it is the central problem of our time. In various ways they tell us that ties have snapped that formerly bound Western mortals to themselves and to the World about them. In diverse language they say that mortals in modern industrial societies are rapidly becoming detached from nature, from one’s old gods, from the technology that has transformed one’s environment and now threatens to destroy it. #RandolphHarris 8 of 13

From one’s work and its products, and from one’s leisure; from the complex social institutions that presumably serve but are more likely to manipulate one; from the community in which one lives; and above all from oneself—from one’s body and one’s gender, from one’s feelings of love and tenderness, and from one’s art—one’s creative and productive potential. The alienated mortal is every mortal and no mortal, drifting in exercises no power, a stranger to oneself and to others. Alienation as we find it in modern society is almost total; it pervades the relationship of mortals to one’s self. An indefinable sense of loss; a sense that life has become impoverished, that mortals are somehow deracinate and disinherited, that society and human nature alike have been atomized, and hence mutilated, above all that mortals have been separated from whatever might give meaning to their work and their lives. Too frequently, there is a tyranny from above, imitated by followers, which forbids any independent thought and does not tolerate any real search. #RandolphHarris 9 of 13

Mortal’s search for truth cannot be properly carried on unless one as full freedom in it. Where is the religious or religio-mystical institution which is willing to grant that to him? Is there a single one which lets one start out without being hampered by authoritarian doctrines, taboos, limitations, and traditions which it would impose upon one? Lectures, societies, and group-movements are of limited value: they can never replace nor achieve what is gained by one’s own individual efforts made in the right way. The seeker after truth will not find one’s way easy to travel. One may find that an institution, an authority, or an organization is suffocating one mentally or oppressing one emotionally. This may be the hour when one must claim one’s freedom. It is illusory to believe that, by blindly handing or humbly submitting one’s character and credo, one’s standards and values, one’s spiritual purposes and practices, to any organized group or established church, to a teacher, guide, or guru, to form and formulate, a mortal can evade the responsibility of judging them for oneself, accepting or rejecting by oneself. It is required of every fully human being that one be individual, not a parasite, and that one be oneself, not someone else. #RandolphHarris 10 of 13

People speak of the religious mortal as one who can dispense with all relations to the World and to beings because the social stage that is allegedly determined from outside is supposed to have been transcended here by a force that works entirely from within. However, two basically different notions are confused when people use the concept of the social: the community built of relation and the amassing of human units that have no relation to one another—the palpable manifestation of modern mortal’s lack of relation. The bright edifice of community, however, for which one can be liberated even from the dungeon of sociability, is the work of the same force that is alive in the relation between mortals and God. However, this is not one relation among others; it is the universal relation into which all rivers pour without drying up for that reason. Sea and rivers—who would make a bold to separate here and define limits? There in only the one flood from I to  You, ever more infinite, the one boundless flood of actual life. One cannot divide one’s life between an actual relationship to God and an inactual I-It relationship to the World—praying to God in truth and utilizing the World. Whoever knows the World as something to be utilized knows God the same way. #RandolphHarris 11 of 13

One’s prayers are a way of unburdening oneself—and fall into the ears of the void. One—and not the atheist who from the night and longing of one’s garret window addresses the nameless—is God. And so we use them for a kind of pleasure which can be called fun. However, it is not the creative kind of fun often connected with play; it is, rather, a shallow, distracting, greedy way of having fun. And it is not by chance that it is that type of fun which can easily be commercialized, for it is dependent on calculable reactions, without passion, without risk, without love. Of all the dangers that threaten our civilization, this is on of the most dangerous ones: the escape from one’s emptiness through a fun which makes joy impossible. Rejoice! This Biblical exhortation is more needed for those who have much fun and pleasure than for those who have little pleasure and much pain. It is often easier to unite pain and joy than to unite fun and joy. Does the Biblical demand for joy prohibit pleasure? Do joy and pleasure exclude each other? By no means! The fulfillment of the center of our being does not exclude partial and peripheral fulfillments. And we must say this with the same emphasis with which we have contrasted joy and pleasure. #RandolphHarris 12 of 13

We must challenge not only those who seek pleasure for pleasure’s sake, but also those who reject pleasure because it is pleasure. Mortals enjoy eating and drinking, beyond the mere terrestrial need of them. It is a partial ever-repeated fulfillment of one’s striving for life; therefore, it is pleasure and gives joy of life. Mortals enjoy playing and dancing, the beauty of nature, and the ecstasy of life. They fulfill some of one’s most intensive strivings for life; therefore, they are pleasure and give joy of life. Mortals enjoy the power of knowledge and the fascination of art. They fulfill some of one’s highest strivings for life; therefore, they are pleasure and give joy of life. Mortals enjoy the community of mortals in family, friendship, and the social group. They fulfill some fundamental strivings for life; therefore, they are pleasure and give joy of life. “And they had power given unto them, insomuch that they could not be confined in dungeons; neither was it possible that any mortal could slay them; nevertheless they did not exercise their power until they were bound in bands and cast into prison. Now, this was done that the Lord might show forth his power in them. And it came to pass that they went forth and began to preach and to prophesy unto the people, according to the spirit and power which the Lord had given them,” reports Alma 8.31-32. #RandolphHarris 13 of 13

In Spite of Myself and My General Contempt for His Belief in Reincarnation—Woe Unto the Possessed Who Fancy that they Possess God!

I looked through the bars to the stars overhead, and it seemed to me I was dying in the most absurd and foolish way, among people I did not admire and customs I would have abolished. And yet the seeming sanctity of it all infected me. It caused me to dramatize and to dream and to give in, to see myself at the center of something that possessed its own exalted beauty. Carefully, they shaved all the hair from my chin and upper lip. They trimmed my finger nails. They brushed my hair and put on me the same white robes. And then shielding me on all sides with white veils they passed me out of the house and into a white canopied wagon. As a young man, I held innocence in high esteem. I disliked power, both in theory and practice, and abhorred violence. I came down with tuberculosis in my early thirties, a times when there was still no medication for the disease. For a year and a half I did not know whether I would live or die. As best I could, I tried to do what my doctors instructed me to do. This meant, as I then interpreted it, accepting the program of rest and giving my healing over to others. I could only lie in bed, tracing with my eye patterns of light on the ceiling of my room, waiting for the monthly X-ray which would tell whether the cavity in my lung had enlarged or decreased. #RandolphHarris 1 of 17

However, I found, to my moral and intellectual dismay, that the bacilli were taking advantage of my very innocence. This innocence had transformed my helplessness into passivity, which constituted an open invitation to the bacilli to do violence to my body. I saw, too, that the reason I had contracted tuberculosis in the first place was my hopelessness and sense of defeatism. My then present lack of self-affirmation and self-assertion, conveniently rationalized by the innocence, could only lead in one direction. I could see in the apparently innocent patients around me in the sanatorium that passively accepting their powerlessness in face of the disease meant dying. I was becoming ever more desperate. I should have done anything to escape. However, some twenty Druids surrounded the cart and beyond them was a legion of warriors. And the crowd itself went so far back into the trees that I could see no end to it. Darkness was falling quickly, and everywhere torches were being lighted. I could feel the roar of excited voices. The screamed of the condemned grew every more piercing and beseeching. I sat still and tried to deliver my mind from panic. #RandolphHarris 2 of 17

If I could not escape, then I would meet these strange ceremonies with some degree of calm, and when it came clear what a sham they were, I would with dignity and righteousness pronounce my judgments loud enough for others to hear them. That would be my last act—the act of the god—and it must be done with authority, or else it would do nothing in the scheme of things. Not until I developed some fight, some sense of personal responsibility for the fact that it was I who had the tuberculous, an assertion of my own will to live, did I make lasting progress. I learned to listen to my body with an inner concentration like prayer, to get guidance as to when to exercise and when to rest. I learned that healing and cure are active processes in which I myself needed to participate. This truth, though experiences by me in my getting well, was not very useful since I could never formulate it. I was later forced to think about it at length, however, when I found my patients in psychoanalysis describing similar experiences. Practically all of them had come for help because they felt they were powerless. They had no effective bridge to the significant people in their lives; they could only remain passive while others (like t.b. bacilli in my analogy did violence to them). #RandolphHarris 3 of 17

This bridge to significant others was never directly confronted by Dr. Freud. Sullivan pointed to it, but had never elaborated on the nature of this bridge. It is, in fact, power. However, it is power analogous to the healing power by which one overcomes tuberculosis, not analogous to the military power of a general on the battlefield or the economic power of the head of a corporation. It was as if my soul would be locked in my body forever. Like it had no chance in natural death to pass into another body or another lifetime. I had, then, to confront my own relationship to power. No longer could I conceal behind my own innocence my envy of those who had power. This, I found, only follows the general procedure in our culture: power is widely coveted and rarely admitted. Generally, those who have power repress their awareness of this fact. And it is the dispossessed in our society, represented by such movements as women’s power and black power, who, wen they are able, force a direct confrontation with the issue. When we join this confrontation, as we obviously must, we find ourselves immediately up against the issue of violence. #RandolphHarris 4 of 17

Can violence also have something to do with innocence—or, as I ask, does innocence invite its own murder? This leads us to difficult, if fascinating, questions. We can only agree that Jacob Bronowski’s words (in The Face of Violence) are true: Violence is here, in the World of the sane, and violence is a symptom. I hear it in the headlong weeping of men who have failed. I see it in the terrible dreams of boys whose adolescence repeats all history. As these weeping men and dreaming adolescents, however, become able to actualize their power, they are able, to some extent, to turn their violence to constructive use and their dreams and visions to the social and their own good. I hope to suggest ways not around the problems of power and violence, but through them. To understand power and the sources of violence, we must ask more profound questions than are customary. We must probe the problem of what it means to be a human being. Modern mortals, alienated from nature, from their gods, and from society, in an increasingly mechanized, atomized and depersonalized World, too often are unable to achieve an identity and a relatedness to others. What are the circumstances that have led to this predicament and what are the chances for alleviating it? #RandolphHarris 5 of 17

Ours is a self-conscious age. Perhaps never before in history have mortals been so much a problem themselves. Rocketing through space and on the point of conquering the Heavens, one is fast losing touch with one’s own World. Growing numbers of writers describe people in various ways as “alienated.” What forces have made them so? The past few hundred years have seen major scientific and technological revolutions in half the World, while the other half still plows the Earth with dull sticks. Unparalleled economic growth has occurred side by side with the profoundest human misery; and struggles for freedom and enlightenment side by side with continuing social injustice. Our own age allegedly produced Nazi concentration camps, media cults who are hell bent on confusing people and lying and dividing they nation as they try to take over the government, two catastrophic World wars, and a dream of one World; a nuclear arms race that may put an end to civilization as we know it, and the promise of atoms for peace. There is an independence which gives a mortal special strength for it allows one to possess complete purity of motive. It does not come easily for one has to stay clear of all attempts to organize the truth, of all orthodoxies, groups, factions, parties, and sects which claimed to be united with it. #RandolphHarris 6 of 17

One may align oneself with no groups. Therefore, one can take up no defined position, no particular program. Is one then a neutral? No and yes. Is one an individualist? Yes and no. Confronted with such mighty opposites—with apocalyptic visions of mass annihilation on the one hand, and on the other with dreams of progress and a vastly better life for increasing numbers of people—no wonder Western mortals feel deeply troubled as they face the immense gulf between one’s finest achievements of hand and brain, and one’s own sorry ineptitude at coping with them; between one’s truly awe-inspiring accomplishments and the utter failure of one’s imagination to accomplishment and the utter failure of one’s imagination to encompass them and give them meaning. Powerless in the face of modern mechanical and social forces, we have reached a point in history where knowledge and tools intended originally to serve mortal now threaten to destroy them. What kind of society is it that loses control over its own tools and creations? Is it one in which the sense of community has become seriously, if not fatally, weakened? The development of nuclear weapons required the splitting of the atom. Is the society that uses such weapons itself split and its members atomized? #RandolphHarris 7 of 17

If so, this splitting process did not take place suddenly, and not just a series of wars and upheavals have brought on the crisis. Indeed, ever since the great technological and political revolutions of the late eighteenth century, with their shattering impact on a rigid social order and their promise of individual freedom, one of the most disturbing phenomena of Western culture has been mortal’s sense of estrangement from the World one one’s self had made or inherited—in a word, mortal’s alienation from oneself and from others. Our present age of pessimism, despair and uncertainty succeeds a quite different earlier period of optimism, hope and certainty—a period when mortals believed in oneself and the work of one’s hands, had faith in the powers of reason and science, trusted their gods, and conceived one’s own capacity for growth as endless and one’s widening horizons limitless. Bold in one’s desires for freedom, equality, social justice and fraternity, one imaged that ignorance alone stood in the way of these desires. However, tumult and violence have unseated these traditional beliefs and values. Knowledge has spread, but it had not abolished war, or fear; nor has it made all mortals family. Instead, mortals find themselves more isolated, anxious and uneasy than ever. #RandolphHarris 8 of 17

Only this total independence of all cults, creeds, groups, and organizations can enable one to find the facts as they are, rather than imaginary pictures of the facts. It is to be found in the privacy of your own mind: no cult, group, or church will provide it. Philosophy stresses the need of development’s being individual. Students of other teachings may grow in groups, but not students of philosophy. It is not an essential part of the outer conditions of one’s life that one should subscribe to any particular institution or organization, but if one is led to do so that will be acceptable also if it is an honourable one. Mind in its ultimate condition is free and infinite. We, as humans, are at the very beginning of its discovery. Let us not set up false steps to our journey or ignorantly put up fences to block our view. Let us avoid the illinformed littleness of sectarianism, the common eagerness to huddle under a label. For several reasons one is not a joiner. Most sects have only partial and limited views, most mix some error with their truth, and develop ugly strict and rigid tyrannies. Furthermore, their adherents, believing that they alone possess the truth, generally exclude all others from the warmer temperatures of their goodwill—if they do not only dislike them. However, fined; one wants to express this freedom. #RandolphHarris 9 of 17

However, is not solitude, too, a portal? Does it not happen sometimes in the stillest lonesomeness that we unexpectedly behold? Cannot intercourse with oneself change mysteriously into intercourse with mystery? Indeed, is not only one that is no longer attached to any being worthy of confronting being? Come, lonesome one to the lonesome. God does what God has always done; he divides the evil from the good. God brings down blessings upon those who worship him. God draws the faithful into harmony with all the cycles of the Universe, with the cycles of the Moon, as I have told you. God fructifies the land. All things that are good proceeds from God. We belong to the tribes of Heaven. You do not understand. Our God was not defeated by your idols and those who tell their frivolous and lascivious stories. Our God is as beautiful as if the Moon itself has fashioned him with her light, and God speaks with a voice that is as pure as the light, and he guides us in that great oneness with all things that is the only cessation of despair and loneliness. However, God was stricken with terrible calamity, and all through certain parts of the World it seems faith in God has perished completely. #RandolphHarris 10 of 17

To seek pleasure for the sake of pleasure is to avoid reality, the reality of other beings and the reality of ourselves. However, only the fulfillment of what we really are can give us joy. Joy is nothing else than the awareness of our being fulfilled in out true being, in our personal center. And only if we unite ourselves with what others really are is this fulfillment is possible. It is reality that gives joy, and reality alone. The Bible speaks so often of joy because it is the most realistic of all books. Rejoice! That means: Penetrate from what seems to be real to that which is really real. Mere pleasure, in yourselves and in all other beings, remains in the realm of illusion about reality. Joy is born out of union with reality itself. One of the roots of the desire for pleasure is the feeling of emptiness and the pain of boredom following from it. Emptiness is the lack of relatedness to things and persons and meanings; it is even the lack of being related to oneself. Therefore we try to escape from ourselves and the loneliness of ourselves, but we do not reach the others and their World in a genuine relation. There are two kinds of lonesomeness, depending on what it turns away from. If lonesomeness means detaching oneself from experiencing and using things, then this is always required to achieve any act of relation, not only the supreme one. #RandolphHarris 11 of 17

However, if lonesomeness means the absence of relation: if other beings have forsaken us after we have spoken the true You to them, we will be accepted by God; but not if we ourselves have forsaken other beings. Only one that is full of covetousness to use them is attached to some of them; one that lives in the strength of the presence can only be associated with them. The latter, however—one alone is ready for God. For God alone counters God’s actuality with a human actuality. And again there are two kinds of lonesomeness, depending on what it turns to. If lonesomeness is the place of purification which even the associate needs before one enters the holy of holies, but which one also needs in the midst of one’s trials, between one’s unavoidable failures and one’s ascent to prove oneself—that is how we are constituted. However, if it is the castle of separation where mortals conduct a dialogue with oneself, not in order to test oneself and master oneself for what awaits one but in one’s enjoyment of the configuration of one’s own soul—that is the spirit’s lapse into mere spirituality. And this becomes truly abysmal when self-deception reaches the point where one thinks that one has God within and speaks to him. #RandolphHarris 12 of 17

However, as surely as God embraces us and dwells in us, we never have him within. And we speak to him only when all spec has ceased within. The orthodox way of looking at these questions will no longer serve. A new way is needed. Only if we reorient our thinking and free it from the strict and rigid doctrines of established institutions will the right answers will be found. One is not a joiner because of several reasons: one of them is that joiners are too often too one-sided in approach, too limited in outlook, too exclusive to let truth in when it happens to appear in a sect different from one’s own. Another reason is that too frequently there is a tyranny from above, imitated by followers, which forbids any independent thought and does not tolerate any real search. Mortal’s search for truth cannot be properly carried on unless one has full freedom in it. Where is the religious or religio-mystical institution which is willing to grant that to one? Is there a single one which lets one start out without being hampered by authoritarian doctrines that are strict and rigid, taboos, limitations, and traditions which it would impose upon one? “And when he had said these words, behold, the Lord showed oneself unto one, and said: Because thou knowest these tings ye are redeemed from the fall; therefore ye are brought back into my presence; therefore I show myself unto you,” reports Ether 3.13. #RandolphHarris 13 of 17

And for no apparent reason, I was possessed of a strange idea about life, a strange concern that amounted almost to a pleasant obsession. I remember that it came on me this night because it seemed somehow related to what happened after. However, it was not related. I had had the idea before. That it came to me in these last free ours as a Roman citizen was no more than coincidence. The idea was simply that there was somebody who knew everything, somebody who had seen everything. I did not mean by this that a Supreme Being existed, but rather there was on Earth a continual intelligence, a continual awareness. And I thought of it in practical terms that excited me and soothed me simultaneously. There was an awareness somewhere of all things I had seen in my travels, and awareness of what it had been like in Massilia six centuries ago when the first Greek trader came, an awareness of what it had been like in Egypt when Cheops built the pyramids. Somebody knew what the light had been like in the late afternoon in the day that Troy fell to the Greeks, and someone or something knew what the less affluent said to each other in their little farmhouse outside Athens right before the Spartans brought down the walls. #RandolphHarris 14 of 17

My idea of who or what it was, was vague. However, I was comforted by the notion that nothing spiritual—and knowing it was spiritual—was lost to us. That there was this continuous knowing. A modern philosopher supposed that every mortal believes of necessity either in God or in idols—which is to say, some finite good, such as one’s nation, one’s art, power, knowledge, the acquisition of money, the ever repeated triumph with women—some good that has become an absolute value for one, taking its place between one and God; and if only one proves to a mortal the conditionality of this good, thus smashing the idol, then the diverted religious act would all by itself return to its proper object. This view presupposes that mortal’s relation to the finite good that one idolizes is essentially the same as one’s relationship to God, as if only the object were different: only in that case could the mere substitution of the proper object for the wrong one save the mortal who has gone wrong. However, a mortal’s relation to the particular something that arrogates the supreme throne of one’s life’s value, pushing eternity aside, is always directed toward the experience and use of an It, a thing, an object or enjoyment. #RandolphHarris 15 of 17

There are a thousand dark wonders which I cannot commit to paper for only this kind of relation can bar the view to God, by interposing the impenetrable It-World; the relationship that says You always opens it up again. Whoever is dominated by the idol whom one wants to acquire, have, and hold, possessed by one’s desire to possess, can find a way to God only by returning, which involves a change not only of the goal but also the kind of movement. One can heal the possessed only by awakening and educating one to association, not by directing one’s possession toward God. If a mortal remains in the state of possession, what does it mean that one no longer invokes the name of a demon or of a being that is for one distorted demonically, but that of God? It means that one blasphemes. It is a blasphemy when a mortal whose idol has fallen down being the alter desires to offer to God the unholy sacrifice that is piled up on the desecrated alter. When a man loves a woman so that her life is present in one’s own, the You of her eyes allows one to gaze into a ray of the eternal You. However, if a mortal lusts after the ever repeated triumph—you want to dangle before one’s lust a phantom of the eternal? If one serves a people in a fire kindled by immeasurable fate—if one is willing to devote oneself to it, one means God. #RandolphHarris 16 of 17

However, if the nation is for one an idol to which one desires to subjugate everything because in its image one extols one’s own—do you fancy that you only have to spoil the nation for one and one will then see the truth? And what is it supposed to mean that a mortal treats money, which is un-being incarnate, as if it were God? What does the voluptuous delight of rapacity and hoarding have in common with the joy over the presence of that which is present? Can mammon’s slave say You to money? And what could God be to one if one does not know how to say You? One cannot serve two masters—not even one after the other; one must first learn to serve differently. Whoever has been converted by substitution, now has a phantom that one calls God. God, however, the eternal presence, cannot be had. Woe unto the possessed who fancy that they possess God! Lectures, societies, and group-movements are of limited value: they can never replace nor achieve what is gained by one’s own individual efforts made in the right way. The seeker after the truth will not find one’s way easy to travel. One may find that an institution, an authority, or an organization is suffocating one mentally or oppressing one emotionally. This may be the hour when one must claim one’s freedom. #RandolphHarris 17 of 17

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I Find You Beautiful, I Find You Incomparably Beautiful!

I talked to her like this now and I said I was grateful that I had been allowed to come near her and her ancient secrets, and this feeling became physical. It was all over the surface of my skin and at the roots of my hair. I could feel tension draining from my face. I could feel it leaving my body. I was light all over, and the incense and the flowers were enfolding my spirit as I looked into the black centers of her deep brown eyes. I could almost hear hymns in this place. I could hear chants and ancient invocations. And I was no longer afraid. The beauty was too soothing, too grand. No mortal comes to the knowledge of one’s divinity through a crowd of other mortals. No human entity can discover its own relation to God through any group method. The way to spiritual awareness is entirely individual, essentially lonely, inescapably within oneself. That is to say, it is mystical. Insofar as religion succeeds in showing the way, it ceases to be religion and becomes, or rather, consummates itself in, mysticism. All the old mysteries collected in me, arousing me and sharpening me. “Father, I thank thee that thou hast given the Holy Ghost unto these whom I have chosen; and it is because of their belief in me that I have chosen them out of the World,” reports 3 Nephi 19.20.  #RandolphHarris 1 of 14

There was a superpresence, a creature of impossible whiteness and perfection who was nevertheless connected to everything around him—the clothes he wore, the stone railing on which he laid his hand, even the moment itself in which a small cloud passed over the bright half Moon. Many have lost too much that was precious to them and they see and learn a great deal very fast. Information comes to some in other ways as well. There were messages all on the walls throughout Europe. One must try to work out interpretations of scripture and life for themselves, not remained tied to obligatory ones imposed from without. They must begin to stand on their own individual resources or they will never rise to the level of direct spiritual communion at all. The tendency to look to one mortal or one organization as the sole repository of spiritual wisdom may become dangerous to their further progress. The currents of evolution and the circumstances of modernity have created new cultural values which in turn have lessened the need of such dependence. One proof of this assertion lies in the fact that the same line of change may be seen also in the social, political, and economic spheres. #RandolphHarris 2 of 14

To seek knowledge from unprejudiced sources is a rule hard to fulfill, because such sources are rare. The next best thing to be an unprejudiced seeker, and this is the ideal I have tried to follow. Sectarianism is everywhere, because institutions and organizations are everywhere. When flying the flag of independence, there is a better chance for the truth seeker. Civilization has at last created mortals who behave innocently. For the first time they look about themselves and say, “What the hell is all this!” Some people are creating great dark and evil systems of thought within themselves. Innocence is not an absence of experience, but an absence of illusions. A love and respect for what is right before your eyes. We have come into being at the end of an era, at a time when the World faces changes undreamed of. Some were born and grew to adulthood in a time when the ancient World, as we call it now, was coming to a close. Old faiths are worn out. A new god is about to rise. It has taken over 2,000 years to come back to skepticism, the level of practicality that was our daily frame of mind back then. However, history is by no means repeating itself. That is the amazing thing. #RandolphHarris 3 of 14

Look around you! Completely new things are happening in Europe. The value placed upon human life is higher than ever before. Wisdom and philosophy are coupled with new discoveries in science, new inventions which will completely alter the manner in which humans life. However, that is a story unto itself. That is the future. The point is that some were born on the cusp of the old way of seeing things. Many came of age without faith, and yet they are not cynical. We sprang up from a crack between faith and despair, as it were. We did not grow into adulthood expecting very much of others. And the burden of conscience is private, terrible though it might be. We never served the Christian god. That you can put in your mind right now. However, the forces of good and evil behind the names of Christ and Satan. The intolerance, the fanaticism of the narrower groups and religion has been brought in here too. Let the Western student of philosophy who takes it seriously enough to think, breathe in remembrance, and live actively by it, be warned and stay free, unjoined, unlabeled, spacious in outlook, understandingly tolerant in practice. Study both sympathetically and critically the other contemporary mystical movements but do not join them. Such is my general answer to the seeker who questions me about them. #RandolphHarris 4 of 14

The people that made some of us were worshippers of gods, true. And they believed in things that we do not believe. However, their faith hearkened back to a time long before the temples of the Roman Empire, when the shedding of innocent human blood could be done on a massive scale in the name of God. And evil was the drought and the plague of the locust and the death of the crops. I was made what I am by these people in the name of good. One should certainly examine and study other teachings, not necessarily for one’s acceptance, but for one’s boarding. Be a good student, but a bad joiner! For one will find it difficult to recognize the lineaments of full perfection either in the teaching or the practice of any existing institution or movement. However, the danger where is that one may overconcentrate on their study or practice, elevate side-routes into the main one, and finally get so absorbed in them certain are reservations in my advice, a certain watchfulness is needed during such studies. One should take care to be only an enquirer into these cults and not a follower of them. One should be first a sympathetic enquirer and then only exercise the philosophical right of severely critical examination. “Father, I pray thee that thou wilt give the Holy Ghost unto all them that shall believe in their words,” reports 2 Nephi 19. 21. #RandolphHarris 5 of 14

In the end, every aspirant must find one’s own. The path of another is dangerous. Unless a spiritual teaching has enough inspiration behind it to help one successfully tackle one’s gravest personal problems, it is not the right one—however much it may be so to others. For one needs grace, and does not call in vain. And it all seems more than ever the story of the Savage Garden, dancers in the Savage Garden, where no law prevails except the law of the garden, which was the aesthetic law. That the crops shall grow high, that the wheat shall be green and then yellow, that the Sun shall shine. Look at the perfectly shaped apple that the tree has made, fancy that! The villagers will run through the orchards with their burning brands from the Lenten bonfire, to make the apples grow. With so many cults, creeds, religious, sect, and societies claiming that their teaching is the only true one or that their path is the only path to salvation, the seeker will either get bewildered or be forced to do the right thing—which is to exercise one’s own independent judgement and not to accept any claim on its mere face value. “And behold, they began to pray; and they did pray unto Jesus, calling him their Lord and their God,” reports 3 Nephi 19.18. #RandolphHarris 6 of 14

Whoever loves truth in its fullness cannot put on the chains of a partisanship and stay confined in a church, a temple, or a mosque, a synagogue, a school of thought, a  theism, or an atheism. Therefore one cannot become an adherent to any one belief only, a convert to any one religion, a member of any one group, or a follower of any one mortal but must remain an independent, that is to say, a philosopher (philo = liker or lover, sophia = wisdom). One sees that all doctrines, all ways of belief and thought are steps on the way, satisfy some need of some persons, and hence are of service at some time. However, one sees not only that truth’s fullness is allied to one’s own freedom: it is also allied to namelessness. As Christians we know our inner conflicts about accepting or rejecting joy. We are suspicious of the gifts of nature which contribute to joy, because we are suspicious of nature itself, although we confess that it is Divine creation, knowing what God has spoken about his creation: “Behold, it was very good!” We are suspicious of the creations of culture which contribute to joy because we are suspicious of mortal’s creativity, although we confess that God has commanded mortals to cultivate the garden of the Earth which he has made subject to him. #RandolphHarris 7 of 14

And even if we overcome our suspicious and affirm and accept the gifts of nature and the creations of culture, we often do so with an uneasy conscience. We know that we should be free for joy, that as Paul says, “all is ours,” but our courage is inferior to our knowledge. We do not dare to affirm our World and ourselves; and if we dare to, in a moment of courage, we try to atone for it by self-reproaches and self-punishments, and we draw upon ourselves malicious criticism by those who never had dared. Therefore, many Christians try to compromise. They try to hide their feeling of joy, or they try to avoid joys which are too intense, in order to avoid self-accusations which are too harsh. Such an experience of suppression of joy, and guilt about joy in Christian groups, almost drive me to a break with Christianity. What passes for joy in these groups is an emaciated, intentionally childish, unexciting, unecstatic thing, without color and danger, without heights and depths. It is difficult to deny that this is the state of things in many Christian churches. However, now we hear the question from both the Christian and the non-Christian sides: “Is not joy, as observed in the Bible, something completely different from the joy of life, which is lacking in many Christians? Do not the Psalmist and Paul and the Jesus of the Fourth Gospel speak of a joy which transcends the natural joy of life? Do they not speak about the joy in God? Is not the decision to be a Christian a decision for the joy in God instead of for the joy of life?” #RandolphHarris 8 of 14

The fellowship of philosophy requires no ritual, no immersion, no strict and rigid doctrine confessions, no creedal test. It is free and non-sectarian. It shuts no one in, no one out. Philosophy is for the free mind, willing to live without organizational bondage, and understanding that what it seeks must be found and grasped for itself. Since the real essence of philosophy has only an inner content, which must be felt intuitively and grasped intellectually, but no outer form, it cannot become material for a cult, and organized group. It must lead each person on one’s own individual way, letting one grow naturally from within. One’s quest will then take the independent course proper for one, not made to conform to one suitably only to others. One who can commune with one’s soul by oneself does not need a church, a labelled religion. Society has no right to impose it on one. In their naïve adolescent gropings, the young who discard their traditional form of religion, feel something of this truth. One who loves their Spirit, who feels Its goodwill which excludes nothing, associate oneself with an enclosed group or community which excludes everyone who is not an adherent of its particular faith? #RandolphHarris 9 of 14

The refusal to join any ecclesiastical church or religious society does not leave a mortal spiritually homeless. If one faithfully exercises oneself in prayer and seeks to practice the presence of God, what better home could one have? Life is God’s, and God is the creative Ground of life. He is infinitely more than any life process. However, he works creatively through all of them. Therefore, no conflict is necessary between the joy in God and the joy of life. However, this first answer, great and joyful as it is, is not sufficient; for joy of life can mean many things. Joy seems to be the opposite of pain. However, we know that pain and joy can exist together. Not joy but pleasure is the opposite of pain. There are people who believe that mortal’s life is a continuous flight from pain and a persistent search for pleasure. I have never seen a human being of whom that is true. It is only of the beings who have lost their humanity, either through complete disintegration or through mental illness. The ordinary human being is able to sacrifice pleasures and to take pain upon oneself for a cause, for somebody or something one loves and deems worthy of pain and pleasures because one is directed not towards one’s pleasure but toward the things one loves and with which one wants to unite. #RandolphHarris 10 of 14

Three are the spheres in which the World of relation is built. The first: life with nature, where the relation sticks to the threshold of language. The second: life with mortals, where it enters language. The third: life with spiritual beings, where it lacks but creates language. In every relational act, through everything that becomes present to us, we gaze toward the train of the eternal You; in each we perceive a breath of it; in every You we address the eternal You, in every sphere according to its manner. All spheres are included in it, while it is included in none. Through all of them shines the one presence. However, we can take each out of the presence. Out of life with nature we can take the physical World, that of consistency; out of life with mortals, the physical World, that of affectability; out of life with spiritual beings, the nonetic World, that of validity. Now they have been deprived of their transparency and thus of sense; each has become usable and murky, and remains murky even if we endow it with shining names: cosmos, eros, logos. For in truth there is a cosmos for mortals only when the Universe becomes a home for one with a holy hearth where one sacrifices; and there is eros for one only when beings become for one images of the eternal, and community with them becomes revelation; and there is logos for one only when one addresses the mystery with works and service of the spirit. #RandolphHarris 11 of 14

The demanding silence of forms, the loving speech of human beings, the eloquent muteness of creatures—all of these are gateways into the presence of the word. However, when the perfect encounter is to occur, the gates are unified into the one gate of actual life, and you no longer know through which one you have entered. Of these three spheres one is distinguished: life with mortals. Here language is perfected as a sequence and becomes speech and reply. Only here does the word, formed in language, encounter its reply. Only here does the basic word go back and forth in the same shape; that of the address and that of the reply are alive in the same tongue; I and You do not only stand in a relationship but also in firm honesty. The moments of relation are joined here, and only here, through the element of language in which they are immersed. Here that which confronts us has developed the full actuality of the You. Here alone beholding and being beheld, recognizing and being recognized, loving and being loved exist as an actuality that cannot be lost. #RandolphHarris 12 of 14

This is the main portal into whose inclusive opening the two side portals lead. When a mortal is intimate with his life, the longing of the eternal hills wafts about them. The relation to a human being is the proper metaphor for the relation to God—as genuine address is here accorded a genuine answer. However, in God’s answer all, the All, reveals itself as language. If we desire something because of the pleasure we may get out of it, we may get the pleasure but we shall not get joy. If we try to find someone through whom we may get pleasures, we may get pleasure but we shall not have joy. If we search for something in order to avoid pain, we may avoid pain, but we shall not avoid sorrow. If we try to use someone to protect us from pain, one may protect us from pain but one will not protect us from sorrow. Pleasures can be provided and pain can be avoided, if we use or abuse other beings. However, joy cannot be attained and sorrow cannot be overcome in this way. Joy is possible only when we are driven toward things and persons because of what they are and not because of what we can get from them. When we perform it not because of what we produce but because of the pleasures with which it can provide us, or the pain against which it can protect us, the joy about our work is spoiled. #RandolphHarris 13 of 14

The pleasure about the fact that I am successful spoils the joy about the success itself. If we enjoy not the truth and the beauty, but the fact that it is I who enjoys them, our joy about knowing truth and experiencing beauty is spoiled. Only if it is free from the pleasure about having power, and if it is a method of something worthwhile, power can give joy.  If we use the other one as a means for pleasure or as a means to escape pain, love relations, most conspicuously relations between the genders, remain without joy. It is not an external law which warns us about certain forms of these relations, but the wisdom born out of past experiences which tells us that some of these relations may give pleasure, but that they do not give joy. They do not give joy because they do not fulfill what we are, and that for which we strive. Every human relation is joyless in which the other person is not sought because of what one is in oneself, but because of the pleasures one can give us and the pain from which one can protect us. “And behold, I am the light and the life of the World; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the World, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning,” reports 3 Nephi 11. #RandolphHarris 14 of 14

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The Dark Night of the Soul–Pain is Followed by Joy, Separation Followed by Reunion, Death Followed by Renewal, Winter Followed by Spring!

I came into a brightly illuminated eighteenth-century Cresleigh Home in Rocklin Trails. The stone walls had been covered in fine rosewood paneling with framed mirrors rising to the ceiling. There were the usual painted chests, upholstered chairs, dark and lush landscapes, porcelain clocks. A small collection of books in the glass-doored bookcases, a newspaper of recent date lying on a small table beside a brocaded wing chair. High narrow French doors opened onto the stone terrace, where banks of white lilies and red roses gave off their powerful perfume. And there, with his back to me, at the stone railing stood an eighteenth-century man. It was Marius, when he turned around and gestured me to come out.  Marius told me about this link between despair and joy, and how it is so important that the ancient Greeks, whp devoted one of their central legends to it, that of Persephone and Demeter. Persephone was picking flowers with her friends one day when Hades, god of the Underworld, saw her and was stricken with love. He seized her and carried her off to his underworld. When her mother, Demeter, goddess of fruit and grain and other produce of the fields, heard Persephone’s cries, she rushed around the World trying to find her. #RandolphHarris 1 of 14

Learning that Hades had carried Persephone off to the underworld with Zeus’ connivance, Demeter was filled with a terrible and savage grief. Demeter left Olympus and wandered about the Earth incognito. Meeting two young women who sympathized with her story that she had been captured by pirated and had escaped, Demeter was taken to their home to meet their mother, Metaneira. Demeter continued to be so sad that a long time she sat upon the stool without speaking, never smiling, because of her sorrow…tasting neither food nor drink, because she pinned for her deep-bosomed daughter.  Metaneria and her daughters proclaimed to Demeter, “Mother, what the gods send us, we mortals bear perforce though we suffer.” What an acknowledgment of destiny, an adjuring of Demeter to accept fate! Its importance is shown in the fact that it is repeated later to make sure we have heard it. Metaneria then asked Demeter to be nurse to her newborn son. Demeter came to life and bestowed love upon the infant, who then grew amazingly. Meanwhile, in her grief and rage Demeter had caused the land to bear no more fruit and grain, and a cruel famine covered the Earth. Zeus finally was moved to command Hades to let Persephone return to Earth, though Hades fed his shy mate a pomegranate seed. #RandolphHarris 2 of 14

Persephone returned to Demeter who welcomed her with great joy. When Persephone confessed she had unbeknownst eaten a pomegranate seed, Demeter knew that he daughter would have to return to Hades for one-third of each year—the Winter—but could remain on Earth the rest of the time. However, this small flaw was quickly drowned in their joyousness. “So did they then, with hearts at one, greatly cheer each other’s soul and spirit with many an embrace; their hearts had relief from their griefs while each took and gave back joyousness. And straightway made fruit to spring up from the rich lands, so that the whole Earth was laden with leaves and flowers.” Demeter’s great grief, to the extent of speaking to no one, refusing all comfort and all food and drink, pining with longing for her daughter, amounts to a profound despair. It was a despair which carried over to humankind in the cruel famine on Earth. However, Demeter’s despair soon became a creative state, shown in her love for Metaneria’s infant son and his amazing growth. #RandolphHarris 3 of 14

Demeter’s suffering is followed by this intense joy, which is stronger than she would have felt had the sorrow not preceded it. In other words, despair is a prerequisite to the birth of joy. Persephone’s fearful descent into the underworld is followed not only by joyful ascension, but the Earth’s periods of barrenness is followed by an eruption of fruit and flowers. The legend shows pain followed by joy, separation followed by reunion, death followed by renewal, Winter followed by Spring. Winter—the part of the year Persephone must go back to the underground—is often considered the dreaded part of the year, the time when despair would be most prevalent. However, Winter is the purifier, as the Magee Indians call it. The snow and the ice purify the ground. They cover over the myriad creatures from insects to deer who have lived out their span of life; and the ground, being enriched, springs forth with new life after the purification. This is the gestation before creativity. Out of such abyss, from such severe sickness one returns newborn, having shed one’s skin, ore ticklish and malicious, with a more delicate taste for joy, with a more tender tongue for all good things, with merrier senses, with a second dangerous innocence in joy, more childhood and yet a hundred times subtler than one has ever seen before. #RandolphHarris 4 of 14

A similar linking despair and joy is the death and resurrection in Christian theology—and all resurrections, seen in the prototype of the resurrection of flowers and leaves on the trees in the Spring. This pattern runs through all of life. It is destiny, the design of the Universe, the form in which all of existence is encompassed. In Europe at Easter time, people turn out en masse for the sacrament of Good Friday, since they want to make sure Jesus is dead. The celebration of his death is a necessary precursor to any rising from the tomb. The renewal requires the death beforehand. Only if he has been really does do the fact that Christ has risen have meaning. In America there is a scant attendance on Good Friday, but the churches are filled to capacity on Easter. This is indicative of our lack of belief in tragedy in this country. It is a demonstration of our endeavor to overlook the death that must occur before the resurrection, the suffering that precedes creativity. Henry Miller refers to the same thing in terms of emotional death the resurrection, when he writes “those who are dead may be restored to life.” For Miller this occurs in the emotional release, after despair, of the creative process. #RandolphHarris 5 of 14

Despair before joy is the meaning of the dark night of the soul of which the mystic Saint John of the Cross writes. Or, it could be the slough of despondence must be gone through before we can arrive at the gates of the Celestial City. If one is determined to achieve the Holy Grail, the hero must be willing to endure trial and dismemberment, even a species of death. Those whom claim to live in a perpetual state of ecstasy or in a never-interrupted state of love are either deluding themselves or settling for a mediocre state of existence. In mystic tradition the state of ecstasy is only second state and by no means the goal. Persons of lesser devotion or commitment often want to slide back into this second stage and have to be cautioned against selling the mystic experience short. Gethsemane is not at all an admission of failure on the part of the ministry of Jesus, but a necessary stage that cannot be avoided. It turns out not to be possible to let this cup pass from me. Without the despair, no resurrection. #RandolphHarris 6 of 14

One of the mystics of history encourages would-be explorers of the mystic path to endure the pains and the discomfort. For behind this nothingness, behind this dark and formless shape of evil is Jesus hid in his joy. “Like wise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sights too deep for words. And one who searches the hearts of mortals know what is in the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God,” reports Romans 8.26-27. This passage represents a mysterious saying of St. Paul. It expresses the experience of a mortal who knew how to pray and who, because he knew how to pray, said that he did not know how to pray. Perhaps we may draw from this confession of the apostle the conclusion we could find much evidence in our daily experience. Ministers are used to praying publicly on all kinds of occasions, some of which offer themselves naturally to prayer, other only artificially and against good taste. It is not unimportant to know the right how for praying and the right hour for not praying. This is a warning, on the periphery of what Paul wants to say, but a necessary warning, especially to ministers and laymen who are leaders in the Church. #RandolphHarris 7 of 14

The next step leads us nearer to the center of Paul’s problem: There are two main types of prayer, the fixed liturgical and the free spontaneous prayer. Both of them show the truth or Paul’s assertion, that we do not know to pray as we ought. The liturgical prayer often become mechanical or incomprehensible or both. The history of the Church has shown that this was the fate even of the Lord’s prayer. Paul certainly knew the “Our Father” when he wrote that we do not know how to pray when we make a liturgical law out of the example of praying which Jesus gave to his disciples. However, if we turn from the formulated to the spontaneous prayer, we are not better off. Very often the spontaneous prayer is an ordinary conversation with somebody who is called God, but who is actually another mortal to whom we tell things, often at great length, to whom we give thanks and of whom we ask favors. This certainly does not prove that we know how to pray. The liturgical Churches which we use classical formulas should ask themselves whether they do not present the people of our time rom praying as they honestly can. And the non-liturgical Churches who give the freedom to make up prayers at any moment, should ask themselves whether they do not profane prayer and deprive it of its mystery. #RandolphHarris 8 of 14

And now let us take a third step, int the center of Paul’s thought. Whether at the right time or not, whether a formulated or a spontaneous prayer, the question is decisive whether a prayer is possible at all. According to Paul it is humanly impossible.  When we pray, this we should never forget: We do something humanly impossible. We talk to somebody who is not somebody else, but who is nearer to us than we ourselves are. We address somebody who can never become an object of our address because he is always subject, always acting, always creating. We tell something to him who knows not only what we tell him but also all the unconscious tendencies out of which our conscious words grow. This is the reason why prayer is humanly impossible. Out of this insight Paul gives a mysterious solution to the question of the right prayer: When we pray, it is God himself who prays through us. God himself in us: that is what Spirit means. Spirit is another word for God present, with shaking, inspiring, transforming power. #RandolphHarris 9 of 14

When we pray something in us, which is not we ourselves, intercedes before God for us. We cannot bridge the gap between God and ourselves even through the most intensive and frequent prayers; the gap between God and ourselves can be bridged only by God. And so Paul gives us the surprising picture of God interceding for us before himself. If taken literally, such symbols—like all symbols concerning God—are absurd. If taken as genuine symbols, they are absurd. They symbol of God interceding before himself for us says that God knows more about us than that of which we are conscious. He searches the hearts of mortals. These are words which anticipate the present-day insight, of which we are rightly proud, that the small light of consciousness rises on a large basis of unconscious drives and images. However, if this is so, who else can bring our whole being before God expect God himself, who alone knows the deep things in our soul? This may help us also to understand the most mysterious part of Paul’s description of prayer, namely, that the Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. Just because prayer is humanly impossible, just because it brings deeper levels of our being before God than the level of consciousness, something happens in it that cannot be expressed in words. Words, created by and used in our conscious life, are not the essence of prayer. #RandolphHarris 10 of 14

The essence of prayer is the act of God who is working in us and raises our whole being to himself. The way in which this happens is called by Paul sighing. Sighing is an expression of the weakness of our creaturely existence. Only in terms of wordless sighs can we approach God, and even these sighs are his work in us. This finally answers a question often asked by Christians: Which kind of prayer is most adequate to our relation to God? The prayer in which we thank or the prayer in which we beg, the prayer of intercession or of confession or of praise? Paul does not make these distinctions. They are dependent on words; but the sighing of the Spirit in us is too deep for words and for the distinction of kinds of prayer. The Spiritual prayer is elevation to God in the power of God and it includes all forms of prayer. A last word to those who feel that they cannot find the words of prayer and remain silent towards God. This may be lack of Spirit. It also may be that there is silent prayer, namely, the sighs which are too deep for words. Then God who searches the hearts of mortals, knows and hears. “Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; therefore let us go down to the land of our father’s inheritance, for behold he left gold and silver, and all manner of riches. And all this he hath done because of the commandments of the Lord,” reports 1 Nephi 6.17. #RandolphHarris 11 of 14

All that one needs for the management of life can be had from within. The eyes of an animal have the capacity of a great language. Independent, without any need of the assistance of sounds and gestures, most eloquent when they rest entirely in their glance, they express the mystery in its natural captivity, that is, in the anxiety of becoming. This state of the mystery is known only to the animal, which alone can open it up to us—for this state can only be opened up and not revealed. The language in which this is accomplished is what it says: anxiety—the stirring of the creature between the realms of plantlike security and spiritual risk. This language is the stammering of nature under the initial grasp of spirit, before language yields to spirit’s cosmic risk which we call mortals. However, no speech will ever repeat what the stammer is able t communicate. I sometimes look into the eyes of a cockatiel or a dog. The domesticated animal has not by any means received the gift of the truly eloquent glance from us, as a human conceit suggests sometimes; what it has from us is only the ability—purchased with the loss of its elementary naturalness—to turn this glance upon us brutes. #RandolphHarris 12 of 14

In this process some mixture of surprise and question has come into it, into its dawn and even its rise—and this was surely wholly absent from the original glance, for all its anxiety. Undeniably, this bird or dog began this glance by asking me with a glance that was ignited by the breath of my glance: “Can it be that you mean me?” Do you actually want that I should not merely do tricks for you? Do I concern you? Am I there for you? And I there? What is it about me? What is that?!” (“I” is here a paraphrase of a word of I-less self-reference that we lack. “That” represents the flood of a mortal’s glance in the entire actuality of its power to relate.) There the glance of the animal, the language of anxiety, had risen hugely—and set almost at once. My glance, to be sure, endured longer; but it no longer retained the flood of mortal’s glance. Once own inner self has the capacity of makings its own revelations to one. These got, one will find oneself increasingly independent of those which come from outside, from the hearsay of other mortals or the writings of strict and religious doctrines. What a number of mortals can no longer get from church or temple, they must get from their own selves through mysticism. #RandolphHarris 13 of 14

One needs to realize that one’s greatest power will come to one through one’s own God and not through any other source, such as the overshadowing by spirits, and so on. Through this eventual realization, one will attain to greater progress and render much deeper service. Thus one will fulfill one’s owns highest destiny. Let one stand in one’s own place, and not seek to occupy that of another. Let one find a life that is real, and not copied. However, such admonitions are good only so far as one has already come to communion with God. Ultimately, there is only one real Master for every spiritual seeker, and that is one’s own divine God. The human teacher may assist one to the extent of giving one a temporary emotional uplift or a temporary intellectual perception, but one cannot bestow permanent divine consciousness on another individual. All that the teacher can do is to point out the way through the labyrinth; the journey must be made by the seeker oneself. For example, an individual living alone on a desert island could travel through all the stages of the Quest and attain the highest realization even though one had no visible teacher. God will give one all the guidance and help one needs. However, one is likely to mistakenly believe that one’s own ego is making the progress. #RandolphHarris 14 of 14

 

A Teacher—When Will God Send Me One with Truth and of Boundless Benevolence?

When I turned around, Marius was gone. The sack was gone. However, Nicki’s violin and my valise of belongings lay on a stone table in the middle of the room. We know in psychotherapy that often despair is essential to the discovery on the part of the client of his or her hidden capacities and basic assets. The function of despair is to wipe away our superficial ideas, our delusionary hopes, our simplistic mortality. There are some misguided therapists who feel that they must reassure the patient at ever point of despair. However, if the client never feels despair, it is doubtful whether one ever will feel any profound emotion. Apropos of considering Voltaire’s remark “Despair has often gained battles,” a friend wrote this limerick: There once was a man named Voltaire who found his best hope in despair. If that sounds perverse, it could have been worse. Voltaire could declare, “I do not care.” There is surely value in the client’s experience that one has nothing more to lose anyway so one may as well take whatever leap life requires to make of one. I suggest that this is what is meant by that sentence in folklore “Despair and confidence both banish fear.” #RandolphHarris 1 of

Since there are a number of signs that we in America may be on the threshold a period as a nation when we shall no longer be able to camouflage or repress our despair, it is important to remind ourselves of the points that despair and confidence both banish fear. Those who can feel healthy despair are often those who also can at the same time experience the most intense pleasure and joy. Sartre was talking about a life-enhancing despair when in his play The Flies, after Zeus has pointed out al the despair Orestes will face, Orestes asserts against Zeus, “Human life begins on the far side of despair!” He could as well have said that human freedom and human joy also begin on the far side of despair. This is why we believe more firmly in the dignity and the nobility of being human after seeing a performance of tragedy rather than comedy: the character and the tragic downfall of Hamlet, Macbeth, Lear, or even Harry in The Iceman Cometh give us a conviction of the significance of life. As we leave the theater, we are not only relieved, we are inspired. The despair we have felt in the drama highlights its opposite, the nobility of life. #RandolphHarris 2 of 13

Despair is a desperate refusal to be oneself. There different levels of despair at not willing to be one’s self, or still lower, despair at not willing to be a self’ or lowest of all, despair at willing to be another then one’s true self. Despair is a failure of spirit, a spiritlessness. When mortals are characterized as a spirit-less has become a talking-machine, and there is nothing to prevent one from learning a philosophical rigmarole just as easily as a confession of faith and a political recitative repeated by rote. Again: Despair is a qualification of spirit, it is related to the eternal in mortals. In unconsciousness of being in despair a mortal is furthest from being conscious of oneself as spirit. This thing of despairing is inherent in mortals; but if one were not a synthesis of finite and infinite, and this is what makes despair possible. One also emphasizez that the worst condition of all is to boast about never having been in despair, for that means that the person has never been authentically conscious of oneself. This leads us to another characteristic of seeing, the most significant of all. We never see only what we see; we always see something else with it and through it! Seeing creates, seeing unites, and above all seeing goes beyond itself. #RandolphHarris 3 of 13

If we look at a stone we see directly only the colors and forms of the side which is turned toward us. However, with and through this limited surface we are aware of the roundness, of the extension and mass of the structure of the whole thing. We see beyond what we see. If we look at an animal we see directly the colors and forms of its skin. However, with it and through it we are aware of the tension and power of its muscles, of its inner strivings which are covered as well as revealed by the skin. We see not color sports, but a living being. If we look at a human face, we see lines and shades, but with it and through it we see a unique, incomparable personality whose expressions are visible in one’s face, whose character and destiny has left traces which we understand and in which we can even read something of one’s future. With and through colors and forms and movements we see friendliness and coldness, hostility and devotion, anger and love, sadness and joy. We see infinitely more than we see when we look into a new depth. Again the language gives us a help when it speaks of con- templation. Con- templation means going into the temple, into the sphere of the holy, into deep roots of things, into their creative ground. #RandolphHarris 4 of 13

We see the mysterious powers which we call beauty and truth and goodness. We cannot see them as such, we can see them only in things and events. We see them with and through the shape of a rose and the movements of the stars and the image of a friend. We can see them, but it is not necessary that we see them. We can close our eyes, we can become blind. Some are blind to any beauty which is more than a pleasant feeling, some are blind to any truth which is more than correct observation and calculation, some are bind to any goodness which is more than usefulness. And some are blind to any ground which is the unity of these powers and which we call holy. It is the ultimate, the last which we can see with and through all things; and therefore it is the end of all seeing. It is the light itself and therefore it is darkness for our eyes. Only with and through can we see it, through things and mortals, through events and images. This seeing and not seeing at the same time is what we call faith. Nobody can see God; but we can see him with and through. Here the conflict ends between seeing and hearing. He word tells us where to see and when we have seen we pronounce what we have seen and heard. #RandolphHarris 5 of 13

In the state which we call faith, sound and vision are united and perhaps this is the reason why the holy likes to be expressed in music more than in any other medium. Music gives wings to both, word and image, and goes beyond both of them. However, for a second time we are called down from the flight above to the lowliness of our human situation. Our Gospel calls us blind, all of us. And Jesus says that we are blind because we believe we see and do not know that we are blind; and Christ then threatens that we shall be thrown into more blindness if we insist that we are seeing. The question is: Where of all places can and shall we see into the ground of all Being? Who can lead our contemplation into the temple, into the holy itself? Seeing gives us a World, the order and unity of the many. However, we see within this order, disorder; within the unity, conflict threatening to explode the World itself and to being back the old darkness of the chaos. And order and chaos are so mixed with each other that we often feel dizzy, without ground and meaning, desiring to keep our eyes closed. Seeing unites us with what we see. However, we see so many things and beings with which we do not want to be untied, towards which we are indifferent or hostile, which are indifferent or hostile to us, which are repulsive and which we hate to see just because every seeing unites, even if it is through hate. #RandolphHarris 6 of 13

And it may be even our own self that we do not want to see because we are repelled by our image and because we hate it if we see it. Not in love but in hate are we untied with ourselves, and perhaps we want to deprive ourselves of our eyes like Lestat in The Queen of the Damned, of our eyes which first did not see what they ought to see and now cannot stand to see what they must see. And is not that which we love to see and that which we hate to see so mixed that we often praise the poverty of not seeing? Seeing is seeing with and through beings into their depth, into the good and the true and into their holy ground. However, which are the beings and images that shall lead us to this temple? Those whom Jesus called blind believed they knew the way to the temple, to the holy and the holiest. Innumerable temples all over the World contain things and images with and through which we can see God. However, what we see are idols, fascinating, horrible, overwhelming in seductive beauty or destructive power, demanding what cannot be fulfilled, promising what cannot be given, giving what elevates and lowers at the same time. And this is so because they hold us fast to themselves and do not lead us beyond. #RandolphHarris 7 of 13

Our eyes are bound by them, often bound by the demonic fascination they exercise and with which they take possession of us. We contemplate them, we go into their temples, we unite with them in self-surrender, and we leave them emptied, despairing, destroyed. This is the great temptation of seeing. This is the reason why hearing was put against seeing. It is the reason why images were destroyed again and again and every image forbidden, why the temples were burned and God was called the Infinite Void. However, this cannot be the last word. Emptiness can be both light and darkness; and we want light, the lights which is life and vision. Jesus also could have become an idol, a national and religious hero, fascinating and destructive. This is what the disciples and the masses wanted Christ to be. They saw him the good and the true, the holy itself. However, the succumbed to the temptation of seeing. They kept to that which must be sacrificed if God shall be seen with and through any mortal being. And when Christ sacrificed himself, they looked away in despair like those who image and idol is destroyed. However, he was too strong; he drew their eyes back to him, but now to Christ crucified. #RandolphHarris 8 of 13

However, of hum it is true. Certainly Christ is not the only one to look at intuition and contemplation. We are not asked to stare at Christ, as some do. We are not asked to look away from everything for his sake, as some do. We are not asked to give up the abundance of his creation as some do. We are not asked to refuse union with what we see as some do. However, we are asked to see wit and through everything into the which Christ shows the way. We shall see into it unimpeded by that which tries to keep us, away from the last dept. And when we are tired of seeing the abundance of the World with all its disorder, its hate and separation, its demonic destruction, and if we are also unable to look into the blinding light of the divine ground, then let us close our eyes. And then it might happen that we see the picture of someone who looks at us with eyes of infinite human depth and therefore of divine power and love. And those eyes say to us “Come and see.” Human’s religious situation, existence in the presence, is marked by its essential and indissoluble antinomies. That is these antinomies are indissoluble constitutes their very essence. Whoever affirms the thesis and repudiates the antithesis violates the sense of the situation. Whoever tires to think a synthesis destroys the sense of the situation. #RandolphHarris 9 of 13

Whoever would settle the conflict between antinomies by some means short of one’s own life transgresses against the sense of the situation. It is the sense of the situation that it is to be lived in all its antinomies—only lived—and lived ever again, ever anew, unpredictably, without any possibility of anticipation or prescription. A comparison of the religious and the philosophical antinomy will make this clearer. We can relativize the philosophical conflict of freedom and necessity by relegating the latter to the World of appearance and the former to that of being, so that the two positions no longer really oppose one another but rather get along with one another as well as do the two World in which each is valid. However, when I mean freedom and necessity not in Worlds that are thought of but in the actuality in which I stand before God; when I know, I have been surrendered and know at the same time, it depends on me, then I may not try to escapes from the paradox I have to live by relegating the irreconcilable propositions to two separate realms; neither may I seek the assistance of some theological artifice to attain some conceptual reconciliation: I must take it upon myself to live both in one, and lived both are one. #RandolphHarris 10 of 13

We regard Ralph Waldo Emerson as the perfect example of spiritual independence. He seems beholden to no mortal and draws all one’s light from within. How did he arrive at this condition? For in his early thirties, he wrote to his Aunt Mary, “A teacher–when will God send me one full of truth and boundless benevolence?” This question was written soon after he came to Europe. There were four literary heroes across the Atlantic among whom he hoped to find his teacher. They were Carlyle, Landor, Coleridge, and Wordsworth. However, when he met them in the flesh, Landor severely disappointed him. The Coleridge visit was “of no use beyond the satisfaction of my curiosity.” Emerson’s interview with Wordsworth was more successful but still so fruitless that he was glad to end it. The first glance at Carlyle made him believe that his search for a teacher was over, that there was his man. The actuality was the he found a lifelong friend, even a fellow-pilgrim and seeker. However, he did not become a pupil. He had gone in search of a master. He failed to find one. Indeed he tells his aunt as much, that he seeks a man who is wise and true but that he never gets used to men. “They always awaken expectations in me which they always disappoint.” #RandolphHarris 11 of 13

Ralph Waldo Emerson left Europe, writing in his journal in his journal on shipboard the melancholy after-reflection, “I shall judge more justly, less timidly, of wise men forevermore.” And it was there, in his little cabin, that he received the illumination which he could not find in Europe. He need look outside himself no more. Out of his illumination, whilst still afloat on the ocean he wrote down such sentences as these: “A man contains all that is needful within himself.” “Nothing can be given to him or take away from him but always there is a compensation.” “The purpose of life seems to be to acquaint a man with himself.” One’s attraction toward this or that teacher may weaken and die but one’s attraction toward the Inspirer of all teachers, God, will keep on growing stronger in one. One alone must answer this question, and one can best answer it by listening for and obeying that deep inner feeling which is called intuition. The rarity of competent teachers in the World, and especially in the Western World, forces seekers to practice self-reliance and cultivate independence, unless they are willing to accept substitutes for competence or join organizations making unsubstantiated claims. God will not neglect determined seekers and through circumstances, events, books, or otherwise gives them the particular guidance or instruction needed at a particular time. #RandolphHarris 12 of 13

The aspirant of today who is thoroughly discriminating will generally fail to find the support of a competent teacher. Usually one will have to depend on the inner Self alone. If one will listen to the voice of the Silence and accept its invisible leadership, one need not accept any human leadership. What one learns from outside one’s self, from teacher or tradition, will never lead to one’s true fulfilment until one joins it with what one learns in the stillness from inside oneself. People tie themselves to some one mortal, living or dead, and worthy of one. Yet one is outside themselves, and the divine is within, themselves. They contemplate one’s form, surrender to one’s personality, refuse to look within. As long as they do this, so long does the Consciousness elude them. When a mortal recognizes that all one really needs come to one from the higher self, and not from other mortals, and in the measure that one uses one’s own efforts to complete one’s development and so come closer in consciousness to that self, in that measure will one gain what one needs. Books however sacred, ceremonies however impressive, lecture however learned, even Masters however wise are still only outer helps and as such must in the end be discarded. “The Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the things which the Lord have commanded us,” reports 1 Nephi 3.15. #RandolphHarris 13 of 13

 

I Will Take Fate By the Throat, it Shall Not Wholly Overcome Me: Oh, it is So Beautiful to Live—to Live a Thousand Times!

When I awoke, I was on board a ship. I could hear the creak of the boards, smell the sea. I could smell the scent of those who manned the ship. And I knew that it was the galley because I could hear the rhythm of the oars under the low rumbling of the giant canvas sails. I could not open my eyes, could not make my limbs move. Yet I was calm. I did not thirst. In fact, I experienced an extraordinary sense of peace. My body was warm as if I had only just fed, and it was pleasant to lie there, to dream waking dreams on the gentle undulation of the sea. The mind began to clear. I knew that we were slipping very fast through rather still waters. And that the Sun had just gone down. The early evening sky was darkening, the wind was dying away. And the sound of the oars dipping and rising was as soothing as it was clear. My eyes were open now. I did not turn away from life toward some mystical Nirvana. I forgot none of the joy, the effort, or the pain. I abandoned nothing. What I achieved was something much more wonderful than an old man’s serenity. I will take fate by the throat. It shall not wholly overcome me. Oh, it is so beautiful to live—to live a thousand times! #RandolphHarris 1 of 13

God is the only true sense of the World: he does not have to copy others, only to express one’s own individuality, most his higher spirituality. God takes care to remain what he is, he is true to himself, high holy self. However, insofar as we let our happiness depend on another person and lose our independence, one becomes weakened. Even if the other gives one knowledge or love or support, one should still not cease to look within as deeply as one can for the idyllic Peace. In the end a mortal must come to oneself, one’s diviner self, one’s essential being. And where shall one look for it if not there where Jesus pointed within? Not outside, not to some other mortal, however high one’s repute as guru, not to some book, however sacrosanct its scriptural authority. Both mortal and book must, if loyal to the highest, also direct one inward. The Kingdom is within you, not somewhere else, not in an ashram, not even at the feet of a guru: Jesus’ declaration is literally accurate. One of the reasons we are so reluctant to confront the aspects of destiny called fate is that we are afraid it will lead us into despair. We Americans are taught always to wear a garment of optimism, and we believe that with despair all hope is lost. So we cling to any false hope we can conjure up to serve as a bulwark against despair, unaware that a hope that has to be striven for is no hope at all. #RandolphHarris 2 of 13

Wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong things. This beginning for some hope opens us to exploitation by any psychoreligious charlatan who appears on the horizon. All to escape the demon of despair! However, suppose that despair were basically a constructive emotion? Suppose despair is often a necessary prelude to the greatest achievement? Not all seeing has this character of union. If we look at things and observe them merely to control and to use them, no real union takes place. We keep them at a distance. We try to bring them into our power, to use them for our purposes, as means for our ends. There is no long in this kind of seeing. We glimpse the beings that shall serve us coldly; we have for those which we use a look, curious or indifferent, sensational or aggressive, hostile or cruel. There is abuse in the looking at those which we use. It is a seeing that violates and separates. This is the look of masses who in medieval paintings are looking at the Crucified. However, even this kind of seeing creates some union, though union through separation. However, it is the seeing that really unites is different. #RandolphHarris 3 of 13

Our language has a word for seeing that really unites: Intuition. This means seeing into. It is an intimate seeing, a grasping and being grasped. It is a seeing shaped by love. Plato, the teacher of the centuries, whose visions and words have deeply influenced the Fourth Gospel and the Church, knew about the seeing which unites. He called the love which drives us to a genuine intuition the child of poverty and abundance. It is the love which fills our want with the abundance of our World. However, it fills us in such a way that the disrupted multitude is not the last we see—a view which disrupts ourselves. The last we see lies in that which unites, which is eternal in and above the transitory things. Into this view Plato wanted to initiate his followers. The individual seeker should take one’s own soul—one’s higher self—as one’s guide. By prayer and reading of the holy scriptures, one may attain glimpses of it occasionally and receive the needed guidance. This is safer than bonding oneself to any institution or a so-called master. If one can put as much faith in the existence and power of one’s soul as most seekers put into their blind following of these masters, one’s efforts should prove sufficiently effective. #RandolphHarris 4 of 13

When we annul suffering, it is a way of saying we are becoming and passing away—the salvation from the wheel of rebirth. Henceforth there is no recurrence is to be the formula for those who had liberated themselves from the desire for existence and thus from the compulsion to become again ceaselessly. We do not know whether there is a recurrence; the line of this dimension of time in which we live we do not extend beyond this life; and we do not try to uncover what will reveal itself to us in its own time and law. However, if we do not know that there is recurrence, then we should not seek to escape from  it: we should desire not crude existence but the chance to speak in every existence, in its appropriate manner and language, the eternal I of the destructible and the eternal You of the indestructible. Whether people will obtain the goal of redemption from having to recur, we do not know. Certainly one leads to an intermediate goal that concerns us, too: the unification of the soul. However, one leads there not only, as is necessary, away from the jungle of opinions, but also away from the deception of forms—which for us is no deception but (in spite of all the paradoxes of intuition that make for subjectivity but for us simply belong to it) the reliable World. #RandolphHarris 5 of 13

One’s path, too, is a way of ignoring something, and when one bids us become aware of the processes in our body, what one means is almost the opposite of our sense-assured insight into the body. Nor does one lead the unified being further to that supreme You-saying that is open to it. One’s inmost decision seems to aim at the annulment of the ability to say You. Saying You to a mortal—that is clear from one’s greatly superior, but also greatly direct, intercourse with one’s disciples—but one does not teach it: to this love, which means boundless inclusion in the heart of all that has become, the simple confrontation of being by being remains alien. In the depths of one’s silence one certainly knows, too, the You-saying to the primal ground, transcending all the gods whom one treats like disciples; it was from a relation process the became substance the one’s deed came, clearly as an answer to the You; but of this one remains silent. One’s following among the nations, however, the great vehicle, denied one gloriously. They addressed the eternal You of mortals—using the name of God. And they expect as the coming of God, the last one of his eon, him, that shall fulfill love. #RandolphHarris 6 of 13

All doctrines of immersion are based on the gigantic delusion of human spirit bent back into itself—the delusion that spirit occurs in mortals. In truth it occurs from mortal—between mortal and what one is not. As the spirit bent back into itself renounces this sense, this sense of relation, one must draw into mortal that which is not mortal, one must psychologize World and God. This is the psychical delusion of the spirit. In this fathom-sized, feeling-afflicted ascetic’s body dwell the World and the origin of the World and the annulment of the World and the path that leads to the annulment of the World. That is true, but ultimately it is no longer true. Certainly, the World dwells in me as a notion, just as I dwell in it as a thing. However, that does not mean that it is in me, just I am not in it. The World and I include each other reciprocally. This contradiction for thought, which inheres in the It-relation, is annulled by the You-relation which detaches me from the World in order to relate me to it. The self-sense, that which cannot be included in the World, I carry in myself. The being-sense, that which cannot be included in any notion, the World carries in itself. However, this is not a thinkable will but the whole Worldliness of the World, just as the former is not a knowing subject but the whole I-likeness of the I. #RandolphHarris 7 of 13

No further reduction is valid here: whoever does not honor the ultimate unities thwarts the sense that is only comprehensible but not conceptual. The origin of the World and the annulment of the World are not in me; neither are they outside me; they simply are not—they always occur, and their occurrence is also connected with me, with my life, my decision, my work, my service, and also depends on me, on my life, my decision, my work, and my service. However, what it depends on is not whether I affirm or negate the World in my soul, but how I let the attitude of my soul toward the World come to life, life that affects the World, actual life—and in actual life paths coming from very different attitudes of the soul can cross. However, whoever merely has a living experience of one’s attitude and retains it in one’s soul may be as thoughtful as can be, one is Worldless—and all the games, arts, intoxications, enthusiasm, and mysteries that happen within one do not touch the World’s skin. As long as one attains redemption only in one’s self, one cannot do any good or harm to the World; one does not concern it. Only one that believes in the World achieves contact with it; and if one commits oneself one also cannot remain Godless. Let us love the actual World that never wishes to be annulled, but love it in all its terror, but dare to embrace it with our spirit’s arms—and our hands encounter the hands that hold it. #RandolphHarris 8 of 13

I know nothing of a World and of Worldly life that separate us from God. What is designated that way is life with an alienated It-World, the life of experience and use. Whoever goes forth in truth to the World, goes forth to God. Concentration and going forth, both in truth, the one-and-the-other which is the One, are what is needful. God embrace but is not myself. On account of this which cannot be spoken about, I can say in my language, as all can say in theirs: You. For the sake of this there are I an You, there is dialogue, there is language, and spirit whose primal deed language is, and there, in eternity, the word. Let us look at the experience of a young man named Britain. He came into therapy feeling sad, hopeless, lonely, lost. He felt everybody had died—his mother, his sister Britney—and the relation with Celeste was nearly dead, and now, at the end of therapy, the relation with the therapist was dying. He was in clear, unadulterated despair. However, halfway through the session he began his recovery. #RandolphHarris 9 of 13

The despair was essential in bringing Britain to the point where he could give up his previous neurotic ways of behaving in his overwork and in his failure to have full relationships with other people. This experience when he had been a young man had been one turning point in his life, just as he and I believed this therapy, ten concluding, would be a turning point in one’s overcoming his love bind with Celeste. Thus, despair can lead to highly constructive action. It can be a flushing out of the Augean stables. Despair can be a giving up and a letting go of neurotic problems that had been solidifying since one was an infant. In this sense despair plays the constructive role reserved for it in every psychotherapy. I am speaking of despair not as a cosmic pout nor as any kind of intellectual posture. If it is a mood put on to impress somebody or to express resentment toward anybody, it is not genuine despair. Authentic despair is that emotion which forces one to come to terms with one’s destiny. It is the great enemy of pretense, the foe of playing ostrich. It was once thought that when an ostrich was in danger it hid its head in the ground believing that if it could not see anyone, no one could see it. That has led to the idea that is people refuse to face painful facts or unpleasant truths, they play ostrich. #RandolphHarris 10 of 13

We have imposed on us a demand to face the reality of one’s life. The letting go that we noted in despair is a letting go of false hopes, of pretended loves, of infantilizing dependency, of empty conformism which serves only to make one behave like sheep huddling in a flock because they fear the wolves outside the circle. Despair is the smelting furnace which melts out the impurities in the ore. Despair is not freedom itself, but is a necessary preparation for freedom. The Grand Inquisitor is right: we would not choose to go into despair if we consulted only our rational choices. However, there is no denying destiny or fate, and reality comes marching up to require that we drop all halfway measures and temporary exigencies and ways of being dishonest with ourselves and confront our natural lives, uninhibited by external influences, which may be toxic. It is well known that in successful therapy sessions, that organizations which are far and away the most effective in treating people, state frankly that the assistant for the injured or disabled or an individual with special needs cannot be cured until he or she is in complete despair. It is only then that the individual can give up the need for the source of their dependence as a solace for his or her forlorn hopes or to bolster his or her false expectations. #RandolphHarris 11 of 13

Those who have been through a rehabilitation program and then help new members simply laugh outright at the predespair of unrealistic grandiosity, one’s pompous I-am-the-master-of-my-fate-attitude, and one’s vain resolutions to control one’s dependency by one’s own will power, come to understand that one has to find a higher faith in the power of God to resolve and heal situations. Then the Lord will let one see why there is none upon the Earth that can speak to my condition, namely, that one might give God all the glory. Because sometimes we hope for the wrong things, and hopes themselves can become the most seductive delusions. When a person reached the lowest point, state, or condition, for instance, when one has reached ultimate despair—one can then surrender to eternal forces; this process as giving up the delusion of false hopes and, thus, acknowledging fully the facts of destiny. Then and only then can this person begin to rebuild oneself. It is superb demonstration of the hypothesis that freedom begins only when we confront destiny. #RandolphHarris 12 of 13

The same was true of Synanon, the drug rehab turned violent cult, as the system became a nest for fraud. There was failure to define and enforce clear ethical standards governing their business practices, an it rendered the treatment program to become field of predator’s paradise. Synanon started in Santa Monica, California by Charles Dederich, and morphed into a utopian community, then a religion and a cult with more than $30 million in assets and upward of 1,300 followers. True believers shaved their heads, wore overalls, and lived together at Synanon compounds, professing and almost slavish obedience to Charles Dederich, no matter how brutal his methods. They were said to even kidnap people. Despite all the high idealistic talk of oneness, fraternity, and egolessness, each of us is still an individual, still has to dwell in a body of one’s own, to use a mind of one’s own and experience feelings of one’s own. To forget this is to practice self-deception. Each will come to God in the end but one will comes as a purified transformed and utterly changed person, lived in and used by God as one will live in and be conscious of the presence of God. “And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is experiment in me,” Moroni 7.33. #RandolphHarris 13 of 13

 

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One Must Know What the Struggle Between Self and Soul Really Feels Like through One’s Own Experience!

We even went in search of haunted houses together—a newfound pastime that excited us both. Of course, most of the time we found nothing in the empty buildings where spirits were supposed to appear. And those wretched persons supposed to be supposed to by possessed by the devil were often no more than commonly insane. What, then, shall we do? The only answer is: Be compassionate. The universality of evil makes human compassion necessary. I often remark to the parents who are sad about the part they are played in the problems of their children. You and I—all of us who are human—are on the same yacht. Platitude through this is it often helps relieve them of the solitary, pariahlike quality that makes them feel they are alone in their mistakes and solitary in their evil. Mere rationalism can never solve the problem of life for the intellect no longer knows is from the ought, or known from the known—that is to say, ascents to Heaven; only the dead can be forgiven; but when I think of that my tongue’s a stone. However, there is an act of harmony between the two. I am content to follow to its source every event in action or in thought; measure the lot; forgive myself the lot! When such as I cast out remorse so great a sweetness flows into the heart, we must laugh and we must sing, we are blest by everything, everything we look upon is blest. #RandolphHarris 1 of 16

This is an exquisite description of what happens in the deeper sense of forgiveness toward oneself. The forgiveness extends, in the case of parents and children, to the sons and daughters as well; for the regrets are often bound up with what seems to be their opposite, resentment on the part of the parents at the son or daughter for causing him or her such perplexity and sufferings. Thus forgiveness of oneself permits one to forgive others. Forgiveness, which is one phase of compassion, puts deeper meaning into our human comedies, and enables us to get insight from our tragedies so that they become bearable. Forgiveness means to overcome the resentment—to cast out remorse—which is the curse that accumulates in most human relationships. Forgiving ourselves as well as others may be the only way of transcending this resentment. The health-enhancing aspect of the forgiving of others is that it helps wipe away the resentment toward oneself at the same time. Compassion gives us fresh perspective on what it means to be human, and helps us judge less harshly ourselves as well as the persons who impinge upon us. Paradoxical as it sounds, this gives us a point outside our remorse from which we can do more to correct it. We stop, then, condemning ourselves for being human, and we can at the same time stop condemning others for the same condition. #RandolphHarris 2 of 16

D8zFRziUEAAJnlFAll my brilliantly colored birds given away, probably for sale in the bazaar. Gray African parrots that live to be as old men. Nicolas de Lenfent lived to be thirty. Two hundred years ago, the people of Paris would have got him. He would not have had to burn himself. Got me too maybe. But I doubt it. No, there never would have been any witches place for me. He lives on in my mind now. Pious mortal phrase. And what kind of life is that? I do not like living here myself! What does it mean to live on in the mind of another? Nothing, I think. You are not really there, are you? This means that everybody needs all the clarity they can muster regarding their ignorance and finiteness, and all the support they can obtain in order to face the upsetting implications of what their clarity reveals to them. A compassionate person is one who, by virtue of accepting this situation, can provide others as well as self with such support. As a mortal walks through life keeping a secret loyalty to one’s inner spiritual self, one is likely to make a few friends among those who are keen-sighted enough to perceive this loyalty, and a few enemies among others who misconstrue one’s actions and misunderstand one’s motives. #RandolphHarris 3 of 16

And because one firmly believes in complete payment for all deeds by God sets over humankind, one will remain indifferent without resentment and without hatred to the latter, while silently returning a benign love to one’s friends. Freedom without compassion is demoniacal. Without compassion, freedom can be self-righteous, inhuman, self-centered, and cruel. The less affluent and the rich are both equally free to sleep under the bridges of Paris at night—this illustrates how freedom can turn into cruelty toward the less fortunate. Many of the crusades under the banner of freedom—and not merely the ones we read about in history books—have consisted of requiring the other person to accept one’s own concept of freedom. Thus, they have turned out to be tyrannical. This can be seen in some experiences of psychotherapy. The therapist may be convinced that one’s own form of freedom is the only thing that is good for the client, which then makes for coldness, rigidity, inhumanness in the therapist even though what one does may be technically correct. Mysticism is not concerned with those who depend on traditional forms of worship and current religious creeds for the satisfaction of all their inner needs. It is not for them and could do nothing for them. #RandolphHarris 4 of 16

However, those to whom such dependence is mere incidental or mostly provisional may find further nutriment in mystical teachings and practices. Spiritual pride can take different forms. One of them is a studied intellectual independence, a refusal to be committed, the maintenance of a so-called open mind which never comes to a decision. Any good thing overdone becomes a bad thing and although independent judgment and thinking for oneself, if pushed to an extreme it merges into mere pride—egoistic pride. It is only as one gets released from all the self-pictured, self-made, much limited imaginations provided for one by less educated but well-meaning mortals that one can begin to let in the grace-bestowed new understanding of God. The person, young or mature, who has one’s mind set on higher things than pleasures of the moment and is willing to sacrifice a fragment of time, attention, and interest of such studies and such prayers, will find one’s refusal to conform to other people’s ways is repaid in inner growth on the quest. Attainment of sanctity may not be bought at the price of relinquishment of sanity. I once supervised a psychiatrist whose patient, a young woman of nineteen, was giving him a good deal of trouble. #RandolphHarris 5 of 16

The patient was constantly being irritated, changing the subject, and in general angry and petulant. I remarked in the supervisory hour that the young woman might be trying to get some sign of affection from the therapist. The psychiatrist in the next session, when the young woman was playing out her petulant drama, interrupted her with “You know, I like you.” The patient stopped talking, paused a moment and then said, “I guess that is what it is all about.” When the therapist reported this to me, I asked, “Do you like her?” And he answered, “No, I really do not.” There flashed before my mind a glimpse of the whole treatment collapsing, for there is no doubt that patients in therapy can sense this presence of lack of compassion, despite all pretenses. Surely enough, she broke off the therapy after a couple of sessions. Compassion on the part of the therapist is the essence of any psychotherapy which deserves the name. When the level is basic as compassion, even if though they may not speak of it, patients will see through any pretense, since they are taught in our culture to pretend that they do not see such negative things. #RandolphHarris 6 of 16

If people would learn to accept the authority of the Voice of Inspiration whenever and wherever it spoke to them, they would not need to cramp and confine themselves within the narrowing walls of any sect or section, any cult or organization. The Real Self dwells above time and space, matter and form, inviolable in its perfect liberty. If that be the goal of ideal state, one must sooner or later make a beginning to come into closer relations to it and to grow by the radiance of its light. Therefore one does no wrong in standing aloof from the confinements of discipleship to one particular mortal, and the restrictions of membership in one organized group. No longer is one willing to accede to the World’s demand for one’s loyalty, for one’s conformity, for one’s surrender. One is recovering one’s own individual identity and is determined to keep it. It is to God that one must give one’s ultimate allegiance. If one’s mind is filled with other people’s teachings, it may give no attention to God’s teachings, leading, and intuitions. There is a teaching principle in every mortal which can provide one with whatever spiritual knowledge one needs. However, one must first take suitable measures to evoke it. These include cleansing of body and mind, aspiration of feeling and thought, silencing of intellect and ego. #RandolphHarris 7 of 16

As an expression of the divine life-power, one is unique. In the end, one will always have to take one’s guidance from within, that is to say, direct from that life-power which has made one what one is. The independent seeker, uncommitted to any cult, may be a sheep without a fold but one is not necessarily without a shepherd. The inner voice can guide and care for one no less than a mortal in the flesh. A therapist colleague of mine was seeing regularly a patient whose manner was generally bombastic and insolent. One day the therapist’s daughter had been seriously hurt. Nothing was said by the therapist in the session about the accident, but the patient that day, as we heard on the tape, was tender, kind, and completely without his usual bombast, as though he were aware of the therapist’s tragedy—which he could not have known. Does this presuppose some degree of mental telepathy in therapy or some capacity to pick up the tiny cues such as the sound of one’s voice? I believe both are probably true. Dr. Freud was right, in my judgment, in his mortal theory of telepathy, stating that he had learned not to lie in therapy because he hand often enough experienced the fact that the patient would see through the lie n matter how hard Dr. Freud tried to cover it up. #RandolphHarris 8 of 16

Some refuse to claim unity exists or does not exist. One who has passed though all the trials of immersion will persist in unity after death or one will not persist in it. This refusal, this noble silence, has been explained in two way. Theoretically: because perfection is said to elude the categories of thought and assertion. Practically: because the unveiling of such truths would not assist salvation. In truth both explanations belong together: whoever treats being as the object of an assertion, pulls it down into division, into the antitheses of the It-World—in which there is no salvation. When the view prevails that soul and body are identical, there is no salvation; when the view prevails that the soul is one and the body is another, then also there is no salvation. In the envisaged mystery, even as in lived actuality, neither this it is nor thus it is not prevails, neither being nor not being, but rather thus-and-otherwise, being and not-being, the indissoluble. To confront the undivided mystery undivided, that is the primal condition of salvation. #RandolphHarris 9 of 16

We may follow the faithful to the truth of our encounter; going further would involve a betrayal of the actuality that we do not fetch from our own depths but that has been inspired in us and apportioned to us, we know: if this is merely one of the foals, then it cannot be ours; and if it is the goal, then it has been misnamed. And: if it is one of the goals, then the path may lead all the way to it; if it is the goal, then the path merely leads closer to it. Jesus says, “I came into this World, that those who do not see may see.” And the apostle says, “That which we have seen with out eyes, which we have looked upon—we proclaim to you.” Both speak not about the future, but about something they have seen and still see. And they certainly do not feel as do old and new theologians that there is a conflict between seeing and hearing, between seeing and believing. “That which we have seen and heard,” writes the apostle. “Everyone who see the Son and believes in him,” says Jesus. And most important and surprising: That which we have seen with our eyes according to our gospel is the Word, the eternal Word or Logos in whom God speaks, who can be seen through the words of creation and who is visible in the man Jesus. The Word can be seen, this is the highest unity of hearing and seeing, that is the truth which can bridge the Protestant and the Catholic half-truths. #RandolphHarris 10 of 16

The technique of treatment must be in yourself for the best therapist is one who has problems one’s self, but is aware of them and is working on them. In psychotherapy one cannot have compassion for another if one never has experienced psychological problems of one’s own. Note that I do not ay the same psychological problems as the clients—that is not necessary. However, the therapist must know what the struggle between self and soul really feels like through one’s own experience. This is why, in interviewing and selecting candidates for two different psychoanalytic training institutes, I would never consider the candidate who was “well adjusted” and who had not endured the wresting with one’s own destiny. I assumed—and I believe rightly so—that such persons would not empathize with and feel compassion for the patient or client. The two greatest therapists I ever knew personally, Frieda Fromm-Reichmann and Harry Stack Sullivan, had, individually, almost every problem you can imagine, and both had fantastic insight into the problems of their patents and corresponding compassion. One of the obvious and central functions of the didactic therapy that the trainee is required to go through is to sensitize oneself to the problems within oneself in order to have compassion for the other persons one is to work with. #RandolphHarris 11 of 16

The person who lack compassion does not grasp the whole circuit in one’s human relationships. When we speak of the importance of art, poetry, religion, and other right-brain functions, unassisted consciousness must always tend toward hate; not only because it is good common sense to exterminate the other fellow, but for the more profound reason that, seeing only arcs of circuits, the individual is continually surprised and necessarily angered when one’s hardheaded policies return to plague inventor. The inadequacy of a solely ration point of view, for reason is pliable to every sense, and in practice reason is often a matter of truth on this side of the Pyrenees, error on that. It is our destiny to live always in some form of community. Even the frontiersman who counted it a matter of pride that all of twenty miles separated one from one’s nearest neighbor was still bound to that neighbor by a language no matter how rarely one spoke it, by one’s memory, by every thought, ad infinitum. The wolf child is an anomaly and, indeed, is a proof of what I am saying in that one became human only when one exhibited a communal morality. #RandolphHarris 12 of 16

The fact that we belong to a community as well as being individual persons requires that we acknowledge this destiny and relate to each other with compassion. Compassion limits our freedom, but it renders freedom human at the same time.  As we have seen, the refusal to admit destiny is to cut ourselves off from other. And now we can see its cruelty. Surely it is relevant: If I do not take care of myself, who else will? However, if one takes care only of oneself, one’s freedom can become cruelty to others. Love, of which compassion is the first step, keeps freedom from becoming tyrannical. The universality of evil also makes necessary human mercy, the gentle virtue, as Shakespeare, in The Merchant of Venice, rightly insisted. Mercy not only drops like a soft Spring rain, but it is like forgiveness in that it blessed one who gives and one wo takes, Mercy is the attribute to awe and majesty, wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings; but mercy is above this sceptered sway, it is enthroned in the hearts of kings, it is an attribute to God himself, and Earthly power doth then show likest God’s when mercy seasons justice. Evil will not disappear of shrink away during the night. We will never wake up in the morning to find that evil has vanished from the face of the Earth. #RandolphHarris 13 of 16

The purpose of human life is not to avoid mistakes, nor to show an unblemished escutcheon, but to rise to meet the challenges as our destiny reveals itself and to search out in freedom the challenges we wish to engage in. As I read the human tragicomedy, we will go on struggling, avoiding complete nuclear catastrophe by the skin of our teeth, trying to become aware of the pitfalls in ourselves and our society, so that we can make constructive choices whenever possible. In this tragicomedy forgiveness and mercy will season justice and make life bearable with the presence of beauty, the emotion of love, and the occasional experience of joy. Seeing is the most astonishing of our natural powers. It receives the light, the first of all that is created, and as the light does it conquers darkness and chaos. It creates for us an ordered World, things distinguished from each other and from us. Seeing shows us their unique countenance and the larger whole to which they belong. Whenever we see, a piece of the original chaos is transformed into creation. We distinguish, we recognize, we give a name, we know. I have seen—that means in Greek I know. From seeing, all science starts, to seeing it must always return. We want to ask those who have seen with their eyes and we ourselves want to see with our eyes. #RandolphHarris 14 of 16

Only the human eye is able to see in this way, to see a World in every small thing and to see a Universe of all things. Therefore the human eye is infinite in reach and irresistible in power. It is the correlate to the light of creation. However, seeing means more than the creation of a World. Where we see we unite with what we see. Seeing is a kind of union. As poetry has described it, we drink colors and forms, forces and expression. They become part of ourselves. They give abundance to the poverty of our loneliness. Even when we are unaware of them they stream into us; but sometimes we notice them and welcome them and desire more of them. Those bewildered by the doctrinal differences between the established or traditional creeds, theologies, liturgies, and customs, yet still seeking some mental satisfaction, finding similar differences between the religious heresies, the non-established or modern cults, have a way out of their problem. This is to apply themselves to direct personal practices which can give them their own experience, their own teaching, from within. #RandolphHarris 15 of 16

These standard practices include self-purification and prayer. For this inner work they do not have to join any group or organization, do not have to search for, follow or cling to any guide. The God within them becomes, with faith, patience, persistence, and practice, the light on their path. If one finds the same tenet in ten different religious creeds or metaphysical codes one is glad to get their repeated confirmation. However, in the end one must get it for oneself from within one’s own self—God. It is the firmest base of life. Although it is quite true that each quester must travel the path for oneself, must move on one’s own two feet, this does not mean that one is travelling completely along, or on one’s own. If one has no personal guide to accompany one, God is still there, within one, pulling, drawing, leading, or pointing, if only one can learn how to recognize it. One wants to be faithful to the Glowing Light within, not subjected to or obstructed by an outside authoritarianism. If the Infinite Power is everywhere present, it can surely make itself known to is ardent seeker in any place, even though that place be bereft of masters. “It is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that Angels appear and minister unto mortals; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of mortals, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain,” reports Moroni 7.37. #RandolphHarris 16 of 16

Here the Spirit Achieves Unity and Freedom–Angles and Blue Skies, Clouds, those the things You Made Me See!

No. He found a way to imitate immortal life. To be one with mortals. He slew only the evildoer, and he painted as mortals paint. When you were telling me, Angels and blue skies, clouds, those are the things you made me see. He created good things. And I see wisdom in him and a lack of vanity. He did not need to reveal himself. He had lived a thousand years and he believed more in the vistas of Heaven that he painted than in himself. You have to suffer through emptiness and find what impels you to continue. There is perfection in life you cannot deny. We are illusions of what is more, and the stage is an illusion of what is real. Do you not see, the color of wine in a crystal glass can be spiritual. The look in a face, the music of a violin. A Paris theater can be infused with the spiritual for all its solidity. There is nothing in it that has not been shaped by the power of those who possessed spiritual visions of what it could be. Seduce the public with voluptuousness. For God’s sake, and the devil’s, use the power of this life and the theater as you will. Can anyone look on the great works of the past and the present and not call them spiritual? Mystics, such as Anne Rice, Sarah Winchester, Meister Eckhart and Jacob Boehme, use the language of the spirit with a greater insight than the rest of us. #RandolphHarris 1 of 13

The human spirit can never be satisfied with what light it has but storms the firmament and scales the Heavens to discover the spirit by which the heavens are driven in revolutions and by which everything on the Earth grows and flourishes. The spirit, in knowing, has no use for number, for numbers are of use only within time, in this finite World. No one can strike one’s roots into eternity without being rid [of concept] of number. The human spirit must go beyond all number-ideas, must break past and away from ideas of quantity and then one will be broken into by God—God leads the human spirit into the desert, into one’s own unity—here the spirit achieves unity and freedom. Freedom turns out to be central in the concept of the mystics, probably because they exercise their own freedom so intensively in achieving their inspirations. God does not constrain the will, rather, he sets in free, so that it may chose him, that is to say, freedom. The spirit of the mortal may not will otherwise than what God wills, but that is no lack of freedom. It is true freedom itself. When we considered the curious union of destiny and freedom that characterizes the great religions we see in them that freedom and necessity, or freedom and bondage, are ultimately identical. Your intensions are right and your will is free. #RandolphHarris 2 of 13

When we consider art in the great churches, one ponders, is it spiritual or is it voluptuous? Is the Angel in the stained glass caught in the material, or was the material transformed? No matter what on things, one never doubts the beauty of value of the work. I know I do not. And it is the material transformed. It ceases to be a window and becomes magic, just as the blood ceases to be liquid and becomes life. God is fire. Existence is a stream of fire. All life is fire. The fire is the will. Will—freedom—is the principle of all things. Freedom is deeper than and prior to all nature. Freedom is the foundation of being, freedom is to most deeper and more primary than all being, deeper and more primary than God himself. If the love of God it to have any meaning, the wrath of God is necessary. By our own powers we are visually impaired, but through the spirit of God, our own inborn spirit pierces all things. However one judges them, authentic mystics have a source of wisdom that cannot come from learning, but must come from insights that spring out of an immediate participation in the Universe in ways we cannot understand, but surely can admire. #RandolphHarris 3 of 13

The mystics’ wisdom seems to be a combination of empathy, telepathy, intuition. This shows how far off the mark are those who criticize such things as acupuncture, and placebos of many sorts from a purely left-brain, rationalistic point of view. Such things as placebos may simply represent tangible patterns that act as foci on which a person may project the insights and intuitions that come from different sources. Whatever peculiarity one may have shown in the past one need not look like that today, and does not need to assume theatrical postures. One can be ordinary and inconspicuous, one’s behavior normal, one’s demenour simple. However, one thing one may do and that is cultivate some individuality in one’s attitude toward life. Most mortals live as prisoners of ideas which are not even their own, but which have been suggested to them by other people. Independent thinking is rare. Consciously or unwittingly, most of us are suggestible. We accept the thoughts which other persons want to put in our heads. And we do so to such an extent that we live vicariously: we do not really live our own lives. This is quite fitting and proper to the childhood and adolescent years, but how can it be worth of the adult ones? #RandolphHarris 4 of 13

Where is the mortal who has one’s own self, and not one made for one by others? Heredity and environment, society and suggestion, convention and education heavily contribute to forming an “I” that is not one’s own “I,” to making a pseudo-individual that is not oneself but passes for it. As one goes deeper and deeper into oneself, one’s private acts become more and more independent of other people’s suggestions and resistant to their influence. The longer I live the more I am impressed, to the point even of awe, by the tremendous power of suggestion on the human mind. Where is the person who is able to cultivate one’s own intelligence without being conditioned by ideas and examples put into it by one’s environment or by one’s reading, by one’s religion or one’s family, by one’s social tradition, or by the personal fears and desires connected wit others? It is others, whether of the long-dead past or of the living present who partly or wholly imprison one in their thoughts and imaginations, their conflicts. An inner life not entirely directed by or dependent on another person is an adult one. No one is such who has to seek another’s approval of one’s actions or shrink from disapproval of them. We do not have to accept all the burdens which others try to put upon our shoulders. #RandolphHarris 5 of 13

We are free to choose and to be sure that we are not merely surrendering our own ego to the other person’s. Of what use is it to ask or accept the opinions of those who are inexpert in this subject because they have yet to study it thoroughly? A truth which is born out of personal knowledge, or hammered out of personal experience, has more value for a mortal than other people’s hearsay. Whatever form our outer life may have to take under the pressure of destiny, one will keep one’s inner life inviolate. It is not necessarily an unstable mind which pushes one from guru to guru, or from belief to belief, or from group to group. It may be that one is really seeking the one Truth and has not by one’s own standards found it in others yet. It is the individual who refuses to be cast in a mold who brings inspiration, inner contact with the divine, not the institution. There are few who rise above the crowd to this level by their own self-ennoblement and self-interiorization. The philosopher is not discouraged because the number of those who adopt philosophical ideas is so small. One is not seeking the success of a movement, group, program, or sect. #RandolphHarris 6 of 13

Even if one were the only person who held these ideas one is learning and expressing, one would still not be discouraged. For one knows that one has not been put in the World to reform it but to reform oneself. One makes ones own World-view rather than inherits it with one’s body, that is, one thinks for oneself, without inherited bias and prejudice. It is sometimes beneficial to throw away the manuals of spirituality, the textbooks of holiness! There is no justification for invoking the “are one” is obvious for anyone who reads the Gospel according to John without skipping and with an open mind. It is really nothing less than the Gospel of the pure relationship. There are truer things here than the familiar mystic verse: “I am you, and you are I.” The father and the son, being consubtantial—we may say: God and human, being consubstantial, are actually and forever Two, the two partners of the primal relationship that, from God to mortal, is called mission and commandment; from mortal to God, seeing and hearing; between both, knowledge and love. And in this relationship the son, although the father dwells and works in one, bows before one that is grater and prays to one. #RandolphHarris 7 of 13

All modern attempts to reinterpret this primal actuality of dialogue and to make of it a relationship of the I to the self or something of that sort, as if it were a process confined to mortal’s self-sufficient inwardness, are vain and belong to the abysmal history of deactualization. However, mysticism? It relates how unity within duality feels. Have we any right to doubt the faithfulness of this testimony? I know not only of one but two kinds of event in which one is no longer away of any duality. Mysticism sometimes confounds them, as I, too did at one time. First, the soul may become one. This event occurs not between mortals and God but in a mortal. All forces are concentrated into the core, everything that would distract them is pulled in, and the being standalone in itself and jubilates in its exaltation. This is mortal’s decisive moment. Without this one is not fir for the work of the spirit. With this—it is decided deep down whether this means preparation or sufficient satisfaction. Concentrated into a unity, a human being can proceed to one’s encounter—wholly successful only now—with mystery and perfection. However, one can also savor the bliss of one’s unity and, without incurring the supreme duty, return into distraction. Everything along our way id decision—intentional, dimly sensed, or altogether secret—but this one, deep down, is the primarily secret decision. #RandolphHarris 8 of 13

The other event is that unfathomable kind of relational act itself in which one has the feeling that Two have become One: “one and one made one, bare shineth in bare.” I and You drown; humanity that but now confronted the deity is absorbed into it; glorification, deification, universal unity have appeared. However, when one returns into the wretchedness of daily turmoil, transfigured and exhausted, and with a knowing heart reflect on both, is one not bound to feel that Being is split, with one part abandoned to hopelessness? What help is it to my soul that it can be transported again from this World into that unity, when this World itself has, of necessity, no share whatever in that unity—what does all enjoyment of God profit a life rent in two? If that extravagantly rich Heavenly Moment has noting to do wit my poor Earthly moment—what is it to me as long as I still have to live on Earth—must in all seriousness still live on Earth? That is way to understand those masters who renounced the raptures of the ecstasy of unification. #RandolphHarris 9 of 13

Which was no unification. Those human being may serve as a metaphor who in the passion of erotic fulfillment are so carried away by the miracle of the embrace that all knowledge of I and You drowns in the feeling of a unity that neither exists nor can exist. What the ecstatic calls unification is the rapturous dynamic of the relationship; not a unity that has come into being at this moment in World time, fusing I an You, but the dynamics of the relationship itself which can stand before the two carriers of this relationship, although they confront each other immovably, and cover the eyes of the enraptured. What we find here is a marginal exorbitance of the act of relation: the relationship itself in its vital unity is felt so vehemently that its members pale in the process: its life predominates so much that the I and the You between whom it is established are forgotten. This is one of the phenomena that we find on the margins where actuality becomes blurred. However, what is greater for us than all enigmatic webs at the margins of being is the central actuality of everyday hour on Earth, with a streak of Sunshine on a maple twig and an intimation of the eternal You. Against this stand the claim of the other doctrine of immersion that at heart the Universe and the self are identical and hence no You-saying can ever grant any ultimate actuality. #RandolphHarris 10 of 13

When one rests in deep sleep, without dreams, that is the self, the immortal, the assured, the All-being. In that state, O sublime one, we do not know of our self, we are in unity with God. We, however, are resolved to tend with holy care the holy treasure of our actuality that has been given to us for this life and perhaps for no other life that might be closer to the truth. In lived actuality there is no unity of being. Actuality is to be found only in effective activity; strength and depth of the former only in that the latter. Inner actuality, too, is only where there is reciprocal activity. The strongest and deepest actuality is to be found where everything enters into activity—the whole human being, without reserve, and the all-embracing God; the unified I an the boundless you. It is not true that religious faith is belief in things without evidence. The word evidence means seeing thoroughly. And we are asked to see. We have present with us what we see; therefore, we want to see what we love, what is significant for us. The great people of God wanted to see God; Moses asked this as the highest of all favors of Jahveh. Isaiah was made the most powerful of the prophets after he had seen God in the temple. Jesus blesses the pure in heart as those who will see God. In the Fourth Gospel he says about himself that he has seen the Father, and that whoever has seen him has also seen the Father. #RandolphHarris 11 of 13

In pious imagery the Angels and the saints are described as those who see God face to face. And the ultimate fulfillment, the end of all moving and striving, is pictured as the eternal vision of God. However, when we look at our present human predicament, doubts and questions arise. Is faith not the opposite of vision? Must we not believe without seeing? Does Jesus not bless those who have not seen and yet believe? Is not faith defined as the evidence of things not seen? And does not Paul write, “We walk by faith, not by sights”? “We look not at the things which are seen, but at things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal, but the thing which are not seen are eternal”? All this seems to indicate that faith must be based on hearing and not on seeing. You hear about something you do not see. You believe one who tells you. You accept the word of authorities in humility and obedience. You believe what the Bible says because the Bible says it. You accept what the Church teaches because it is taught by the Church. You call the word of the Bible and of the Church “Word of God.” You hear, you believe, you obey, but you do not see. #RandolphHarris 12 of 13

Maybe as the years pass, desire will come again to many. We will know appetite again, even passion. Maybe when we meet in another age, these things will not be abstract and fleeting. I will speak with a vigor that matches yours, instead of merely reflecting it. And we will ponder matters of immortality and wisdom. We will take about vengeance or acceptance then. For now it is enough for me to say that I want to see you again. I want our paths to cross in the future. And for that reason alone, I will do as you ask and not what you want. The seeker must be distinctive and not accept conventional views or orthodox religious notions. One must judge all problems from the philosophic standpoint for one should not believe any other will yield true conclusions. This standpoint has the eminent perspective which alone can afford a true estimate of what is involved in these problems. We turn away from a teaching which does not satisfy our inmost spirit, which leaves our deepest thirst unslaked. In this matter our wisest course is to follow the scientist’s example and test the truth of these theories, either by ourselves carrying out experiments or by observing the experiences of other people. “And it came to pass that there was no contention among all the people, in all the land; but there were mighty miracles wrought among the disciples of Jesus,” reports 4 Nephi 1.13. #RandolphHarris 13 of 13

 

 

 

Without Pain We Would Become a Nation of Zombies—Some Critics Believe We Have Already Arrived at that State!

Amazing how the mind works kind of like a puzzle and as it grows, as your neurons produce more synapses which have dendrites. My guidance is what you need. You have only begun your adventure and you have no beliefs to hold you. You cannot live without some guidance. We need to understand the function of illness and health in a culture. The disease itself is not the ultimate enemy. It may actually be a blessing in disguise in that it forces the person, as tuberculosis did to me, to take stock of his life and to reform his style of work and play. Having a disease in one way of resolving a conflict situation. Disease is a method of thinking one’s World so that, with lessened responsibilities and concerns, the person has a better chance of coping successfully. Health, on the contrary, is a freeing of the organism to realize its capacities. I believe that people utilize disease in the same way older generations used the devil—as an object on which to project their hated experiences in order to avoid having to take responsibility for them. However, beyond giving a temporary sense of freedom from guilt feeling, these delusions do not help. Health and disease are part and parcel of our continuous process throughout life of making ourselves adequate to our World and our World adequate to ourselves. #RandolphHarris 1 of 13

Nor is pain the ultimate enemy. Americans are probably the most pain-conscious people on the face of the Earth. For years we have had it drummed into us—in print, on radio, over television, in everyday conversation—that any hint of pain is to be banished as though it were the ultimate evil. Leprosy is such a dreaded disease because of the fact that the affected person has lost the sense of pain and has no signal to tell one how and when to take care of the infected parts. We consume in this country a fabulous number of tranquilizers in the process of blocking out pain. Has this been the danger all along, the trigger of our fear? Even as we recognize it, we are yielding, and it seems the great lessons of our life have all been learned through the renunciation of fear. Fear is one again breaking the shell around us so that something else can spring to life. The interplay of pain and pleasure, and the dependence of one on the other–never, never in all our existence, not mortal or immortal, have we been threatened with an intimacy quite like this. Many of us, for example, want to know why beauty exists, why nature continues to contrive it, and what is the link between the life of a tree and its beauty, and what connects the mere existence of the sea or a lightning storm with the feelings these things inspire in us? #RandolphHarris 2 of 13

If God does not exist, if these things are not unified into one metaphorical system, the why do they retain for us such a symbolic power. What is the lantern by which we see the Devil’s Road, by what lantern have many traveled it? What have people learned besides devil worship and superstition? What do we know about other humans and how they came into existence? Give that to us, and it might be worth something. And then again, it might be worth nothing. How strange would appear to be this thing that mortals call pleasure! And how curiously is it related to what is thought to be its opposite, pain! The two will never be found together in a mortal, and yet if you seek one and obtain it, you are almost bound always to get the other as well, just as though they were both attached to one and the same head. Wherever the one is found, the other follows up behind. So, in my case, since I had pain in my leg as a result of the fetters, pleasure seems to have come to follow it up. Pain is a sensitizer in life. In running away from pain we lose our vitality, our capacity genuinely to feel and even to love. I am not saying that pain is a good thing in itself. I am saying that pain and the relief from pain paradoxically go together. They are the bow and the string of Heraclitus. Without pain we would become a nation of zombies. Some critics believe we already have arrived at that state. #RandolphHarris 3 of 13

There is a common illusion that medical technology is wiping out one disease after another—such original lethal scourges as tuberculosis, which supposedly claimed the life 2nd President of the Winchester Repeating Arms Company, William Wirt Winchester, in 1880. That is why in memory of her husband, Mrs. Sarah Winchester donated over $1,00,000.00 ($25,053,725.49 adjusted for inflation) to the General Hospital Society of Connecticut, for the care and treatment of tuberculosis patients. The clinic still proudly exists today as part of the Yale New Haven Medical Center. Infantile paralysis along with tuberculosis being among the recent examples—that we need only to wait, hoping we live long enough until medicine vanquishes all diseases. However, this illusion rests on a serious misunderstanding of the functions of illness and health in any human society. However, physicians must resist the idea that technology will some day abolish disease because as long as humans feel threatened and helpless, they will seek the sanctuary that illness provides. And as the population grows and we cure more diseases, other symptoms will pop up to cure the disease that overpopulation is causing the planet to suffer from. We have to cure ourselves of the itch for absolute knowledge and power. We have to close the distance between the push-button order and the human act. We have to touch the people. #RandolphHarris 4 of 13

Not only do physicians need to resist this illusion, but even more do play people, to whom the idea that medical technology will ultimately save them is the most powerful rationalization for evading their own responsibility for their health. For human beings live—it is their destiny to do so—delicately balanced between health and illness, and this balance is what is important. There is no doubt that we, as a race, are getting healthier. However, will I be misunderstood when I affirm that the possibilities of illness get proportionately greater at the same time? Certainly, there is just as much consulting with doctors as there was one hundred years ago. What seems to be occurring is the shift in the kinds of illness from infectious diseases—which attack the person from the outside—to internal diseases like heart attacks, hypertension, and strokes—which are intimately related to anxiety and stress. The latter are the greatest killers of our day. Illness and health are complexly balanced in each of us, and taking responsibility, so far as we can, gives us some possibility of restoring the balance when it goes awry. It is not by accident that so many of our greatest persons have struggled with diseases all their lives. #RandolphHarris 5 of 13

Noting the large number of important creative human beings who have had tuberculosis, a physician some years ago wrote a book entitled Tuberculosis and Genius in which he argued that the tubercular bacilli must eject some serum into the blood to produce the genius. This explanation seems to me absurd. It makes much more sense to hold that they way of life of the genius—intensive work, unquenchable enthusiasm, the fire in the brain—puts too much of a strain on the balance, and hence the individual becomes ill as a necessary way of withdrawing into oneself for a times. The struggle between health and illness is part of the source of creativity. Charles Darwin, Florence Nightingale, Mary Baker Eddy, Sigmund Freud, Marcel Proust and Elizabeth Barrett Browning all suffered severe illness and met in constructively. George Pickering, who suffered from his own osteoarthritic hips as an ally, which he puts to bed when they get painful; and in bed he cannot attend committee meetings or see patients or entertain visitors. However, these the ideal conditions for creative work: freedom from intrusion, freedom from the ordinary chores of life. #RandolpHarris 6 of 13

Sometimes when in pain or under the weather, one way to treat it I by becoming aware that you are involved in a fight and to pray for a cure. For ten minutes each day, focusing on your body being healed. That is a way to be conscious of and handle the consciousness of your illness or pain without letting it overcome you. One will be better, but in order to contrive with one’s body, to impose one’s wishes upon it or to cede prudently to its will. It is important to devote as much as one can into regulating one’s World, in building the being who you are, and in embellishing one’s life. What am I? Is such an ancient and perennial question only because it has to be answered by each individual for oneself. If one finds the true answer, one will find also that one cannot really transfer it to another person but only its idea, its mental shadow. That too may be valuable to others, but it is not the same. Surely the human race has by this time, by this late century in history found the truth? Why, then, does the mortal who wants it have to make one’s own personal search all over again? It is because one must know it for oneself within oneself. You yourself are your own guru. Be that. #RandolphHarris 7 of 13

One who seeks the truth about these matters will discover that it is contrary to current opinion, and therefore one will have to discover it by oneself and for oneself. One should verify the truth not by reference to book or bible but by reference to one’s own private experience. There is no room in this school for those who are ready to dispose of life’s problems with secondhand judgment. The need of individual thinking is vital here. Humanity will not be saved in groups or by organizations. It will be saved individual by individual. Being true to oneself brings happiness. Being indifferent to the criticisms of those who misunderstand brings freedom from anxiety on their account. Walking the streets in a spirit of independences, enables us to walk as a billionaire! If they will, let others sacrifice themselves to snobbery; let us be free. Only when the feet rest can we bring the mind to rest—unless we are Attained Ones! We can be devout and dignified but we need not therefore be dull. I do not deny that the drift of several movements which are in the World’s eye today, is toward this idea of greater spirituality. However, whereas they are confined in their search by attachment to a set creed, or a particular philosophy, or even some one person, we propose to pursue an absolutely independent quest—one limited in its width by no qualifications or conditions. #RandolphHarris 8 of 13

There are not concrete threats against life and well-being, there is not a depressing guilt feeling or a despair about ourselves. There is not a disintegrating doubt or an intolerable emptiness. There is not an extreme situation. Does this mean that there is no desire to ask for a word from the Lord? Are the situations which are not extreme situations, deprived of a word out of the dimension of the eternal? Is God silent if the foundations of our existence are not shaken? A hard question, and answered in many different ways! How would we answer? I shall never forget the word of a wise old man who said to my grandfather when I was still a child, “I need somebody who I can than when a great joy is given to me.” Can we share this experience? Do we remember such moments in which the eternal made itself felt to us through the abundance or greatness or beauty of the temporal? I believe that none of us is completely without such experiences. However, did we not say that a word from the Lord is the eternal cutting into the temporal does not mean negating it. This can mean, and this is does mean whenever we are driven into an ultimate situation. There are in everybody’s life such situations, and they are frequent in mortal’s tragic history. However, the eternal can also cut into the temporal by affirming it, by elevating a piece of it out of the ordinary context of temporal things and events, making it translucent for the Divine glory. #RandolphHarris 9 of 13

Without such moments, life would be poor and sad; there would be on creations in which the greatness of life is expressed. However, they exist, and the eternal shines through them; they can become a word from the Lord to us. However, still some of you are thinking: All this may be as you say, but it remains strange to us. Neither in ultimate situations nor in moments of a great elevation has the eternal cut into our temporal existence. We never got a word from the Lord. Maybe you did not hear it. However, certainly it was spoken to you. For there is always a word from the Lord, a word that has been spoken. The problem of mortals is not that God does not speak to one: God does speak to everyone who has a human countenance. For this is what makes one a human. One who is not able to perceive something ultimate, something infinitely significant, is not a mortal. Mortals are human because one is able to receive a word from the dimension of the eternal. The question is not that humankind has not received any word from the Lord; the question is that it has been received and resisted and distorted. This is the predicament of all of us. Human existence is never without that which breaks vertically into it. Mortals are never without a manifestation of that which is ultimately serious and infinitely meaningful. One is never without a word from the Lord and one never ceases resisting and distorting it, both when one has to hear it and when one has to say it. #RandolphHarris 10 of 13

Every Christian, and especially every Christian minister, should be aware of this: We resist and distort the word from the Lord not only when we hear it, but also when we say it. When we ask why our message of the Word of God is rejected, we often find that one does not reject that for which we stand, but the way in which we stand for it. Many of those who reject the Word of God reject it because the way we say it is utterly meaningless to them. They know the dimension of the eternal, but they cannot accept our names for it. If we cling to their words, we may doubt whether they have received a word from the Lord. If we meet them as persons, we know they have. There is always a word from the Lord, a word that has been spoken. The Christian Church believes that this word has a central content, and that is has the name Jesus the Christ. Therefore, the Church call not his words but his Being the Word of God. The Church believes that in his Being, the eternal has broken into the temporal in a way which once for all gives us a word, nay, the word from the Lord. It believes that whatever word from the Lord has been said in all history and in every individual life, is implied in this Word, which is not words but reality, a new reality, the reality of the eternal in the temporal, conquering the resistance and the distortions of the temporal. #RandolphHarris 11 of 13

So we have not a, but the word from the Lord? As Christians we can boast that we have it? Can we really? Did we not receive the message through mortals, and are not we who heard it mortals? And does that not mean that the message, while it went through the mouths of those who said it and through the ears of us who heard it, lost is power to cut into our World and our soul? It is supposed that God will enter the being that ha been freed of I-hood or that at that point one merges into God; the other view supposes that one stands immediately in oneself as the divine One. Thus the first holds that in a supreme moment all selfishness ends because there is no longer any duality; the second, that there is no truth in selfishness at all because in truth there is no duality. The first believes in the unification, the second in the identity of the human and the divine. Both insist on what is beyond I and You: for the first this comes to be, perhaps in ecstasy, while for the second it is there all along and reveals itself, perhaps as the thinking subject beholds its self. Both annul relationship—the first, as it were, dynamically, as the I is swallowed by the soul, which then becomes a united being; the second, as it were statically, as the I is freed, becomes a self, and recognizes itself as the only being. #RandolphHarris 12 of 13

The doctrine of dependence considers the I-supporter of the World-arch of pure relation as so weak and insignificant that one’s ability to support the arch ceases to be credible, while the one doctrine of immersion does away altogether with the arch in its perfection and the other one treats it as a chimera that has to be overcome. The doctrines of immersion invoke the greater epigrams of identification—one of them above all the Johannine “I and the Father are one,” and the other one the doctrine of Sandilya: “The All-embracing is my self in the inner heart.” The paths of these two epigrams are diametrically opposed. The former (after a long subterranean course) had its source in the myth-sized life of a person and then unfolds in a doctrine. The second emerges in a doctrines and culminates (provisionally) in the myth-sized life of a person. On these paths the character of each epigram is changed. The Christ of the Johannine tradition, the Word that has become flesh but once, takes us to Eckhart’s Christ whom God begets eternally in the human soul. The formula of the coronation of the self in the Upanishads—“That is the actual, it is the self, and you are” takes us far more quickly to the Buddhistic formula of deposition: “A self and what pertains to the self are not to be found in truth and actuality.” Beginning and end of both paths have to be considered separately. #RandolphHarris 13 of 13

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You Would See an Illumination that is All Your Own—Somber, Yes, but Light and Beauty Come Together in You in a Thousand Different Patterns!

Natural enough was not it, that one of his own should take him away from this place where mortals would sooner or later have approached him, driven him stumbling away. He gave no resistance to me. In a moment he was standing on his own feet. And then he walked drowsily beside me, my arm about his shoulder, bolstering him and steadying him until we were moving away from the Palais Royal, towards the rue St.-Honore. Let us single out one aspect of that revolution, acupuncture, as represented by Dr. Harold Bailen, a doctor of Western cardiology who later became an acupuncturist. His shift to acupuncture occurred because of his growing conviction that the model of Western medicine was at best incomplete and at worst simply wrong. The sickness itself is not the enemy. Rather the wrong way of life is. Western medicine, being disease-oriented, blocks off the symptom with which patients come to the doctor, whereas Eastern medicine, with a tradition of thousands of years behind it, asks: What is the symptom trying to tell us? The symptom is the right-brain language—in its pain, ache, often remarks to patients, “Is not it marvelous that your body is so bright that it can speak to you in that language?” #RandolphHarris 1 of 13

In contrast to the left brain, from which language, logic, and rationality largely spring, the right-brain is the side that communicates in fantasies, dreams, intuition—and symptoms. The symptom is a red warning light. Right-brain language cannot be attacked from a purely rational, left-brain point of view. Acupuncture enhances communication between the right and left brain, states Dr. Bailen. It synthesizes this information, something like an altered state of consciousness. The aim of acupuncture is to stimulate, through the use of the needles, the energy circuits of the body so the body will be energized to cure itself. These circuits, called meridians, are not synonymous with the neural pathways of the body. The most accepted theory these days is that acupuncture activates endorphins, a morphinelike hormonal substance in the body. Dr. Rene Dubos, who is not an acupuncturist, describes this well: “Acupuncture can trigger the release of pituitary endorphin which, somehow, gains access to the cells of the spinal cord and can thus exert an opiate-like effect on the perception of pain. It is not too far-fetched to assume that, as in the case of other hormones, mental attitudes can affect the secretion of endorphin and thereby the patient’s perception of disease.” #RandolphHarris 2 of 13

Dr. Dubos goes on to say that endorphin acts not only on the mechanisms of pain itself, but also inhibits the emotional response to pain and, therefore, to suffering. Hence, the demonstrated anti-pain effect of acupuncture as used by a number of dentists in their work. Acupuncture requires that the person being treated not simply be a “patient,” but that one’s body and one’s consciousness—meaning one’s whole self—be an integral part of the treatment. It is not simply done to a patient, but requires the patient’s awareness of one’s freedom and responsibility at every point. If the patient gets this message loudly and clearly, Dr. Bailen states, one is confronted with a choice point. This may take the form of a question to himself: “Oh, my God. Do I want to get rid of this?” Occasionally patient (generally arthritics) become better, get the insight, and then stop the treatment with the conclusion “It is easier for me to bear the pain than to make the change.” They had become so rigid, so bound by habit, and had gotten so much secondary gain, such as being taken care of, out of the ailment that they chose not to change their way of life. This is a conscious, responsible choice. The person is no longer in one’s victim role. #RandolphHarris 3 of 13

This very much like the goal of psychotherapy, in my judgment. The purpose of psychotherapy is not to cure the clients in the conventional sense, but to help them become aware of what they are doing and to get them out of the victim role. Its purpose is to help the disturbed one get to the stage where one is free to choose one’s own way of life, as far as that is realistically possible, and to accept one’s situation in life, as far as that is unavoidable. To illustrate the choice point, I will cite an experience of Rollo May. The problem—or the symptom—with which he went to Dr. Bailen for treatment was tachycardia, which he had had since he was four years old. Though it had not handicapped him seriously as an adolescent, during the last years it had gotten severe enough to cause fainting and even more dangerous symptoms. He has been put on Inderal, one of the drugs which controls the beat of the heart. When he began he was on six Inderal (each one 10 milligrams) a day. This, indeed, did control his heartbeat, butt at the price of shutting off his brain. He felt like a zombie. The following are notes he made at the time of his acupuncture. #RandolphHarris 4 of 13

This past Monday I felt very good after the acupuncture treatment, and my mood continued to be excellent on the morning of Tuesday. I was already down to one Inderal a day after several months of treatment. I decided then to cut the Inderal out entirely. However, by noon, when I was feeling high because of the possibility of curing the tachycardia entirely, I began to get a strange feeling of deep and pervasive loneliness. I paced back and forth in my office trying to figure out what this might be. There was no particular reason why I should be lonely. However, I continued to feel as though I were in a foreign land where I could not speak the language, in a World in which I was lost and unable to communicate with anyone. I has also the strange feeling that I had lost myself; I had only half an identity. In the middle of the afternoon it occurred to me that this loneliness had come out of my fantasy that the tachycardia could be cured entirely and I would be free of it. Yes! an important part of how I had experienced my identity in the past would be gone. I had grown accustomed to this image, this myth of myself, that I was this man with this particular ailment, namely tachycardia. The ailment seemed to be my friend; it has stood by me faithfully when I was under too much stress and needed some withdrawal from the active World. Like the prisoners of the River in Sacramento, California, I had become friends with my very chains. #RandolphHarris 5 of 13

That night I dreamed that I was dying. My friends were gathered together and I was going around the circle saying good-bye to them. I was crying in the dream and felt that I was saying good-bye to this World. The following night I dreamt that I was having a brain operation and part of my hair had been cut away in order for the surgeons to get the part of my skull that was going to be cut out. The chief surgeon was tall, thin man [Dr. Bailen is tall and thin]. I ran out of the operating room. When I woke up the next morning [Wednesday] my tachycardia has returned in full force; my heart was pounding at the rate of 150 a minute. The tachycardia continued to trouble me all morning. I was glad to get to Dr. Bailen’s office that afternoon; for I knew that the dreams and behavior had been a very clear, if strident, cry that I was not yet ready to give up this ailment. The loneliness, and the first dream, were saying that to give up my symptom of tachycardia would be tantamount to dying, and also surrendering the identity by which I had known myself and survived since I was a child of four. The second dream makes an even more explicit cry about parting from the tachycardia: “Not yet!” it was shouting. Dr. Bailen laughingly agreed with my interpretation that I would need another month or so before making the drastic change completely. #RandolphHarris 6 of 13

The hanging on to illnesses, or the difficulty in asserting one’s freedom and responsibility toward illness, has been well known through history and literature. Jean-Jacques Rousseau remarks about the tendency of human beings “to run to meet their chains thinking they secure their freedom.” Even in the Declaration of Independence our forefathers recognized this truth: “All experience hat shown that humankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.” Thomas Mann shows in one of his stories how we make a way of life out of our own or others’ sickness. In “Tobias Mindernickel,” he pictures the dog as overly independent, a longer and not very friendly toward its master. In an accident the dog breaks its two front legs. The man then puts it in bed beside him nurses it through the illness. Finally, wen the dog recovers and is able to run around as used to be its wont, the man no longer has the animal to care for nor the animal’s friendliness and dependency upon him. He is beside himself. Unable to stand his present isolation, the man takes a hammer and breaks the dog’s legs all over again. #RandolphHarris 7 of 13

The moral of this story is applicable to the multitude of relationship in our World in which marriages, friendships, dependencies of various are kept together essentially by the need to be care for on the part of one member and the need to take care of on the part of the other. On the healthy side this is the comradeship we experience in comforting each other as we embrace cold and lonely destinies we cannot change. On the unhealthy side, it is the self-limitations built into the World by persons who have suffered illnesses are loathe to give up their dependency when the possibility of freedom does open up again. One must remember that one has set one’s feet upon a path, and one has begun to move on that path. One must continue to do so. One must not desert the Quest under any circumstances. He must go on until the goal is reached. It is impossible in life to avoid at some period or other difficulties, trials, handicaps, obstacles, temptations, and so on. They must come, but that is no reason why anyone should give up the Quest. One should stick to the Quest for truth in spite of all that is happenings to one. If one gets a sense of failure—and one may get it—or a sense of intense depression, one may think that the Quest is too difficult and its rewards remote, and one may be tempted to give it up. #RandolphHarris 8 of 13

One must understand what is happening. One should understand that one is expressing a mood, a mood of depression and a sense of failure. However, one should remember that it is just a mood; it will pass away. And so one can say to oneself: “Very well, I will not occupy myself with thoughts of the Quest for the present. I can feel no enthusiasm for it.” Very well, but one must not give up the Quest. One should realize that one is doing it for the present, that tomorrow or next week or next month or even next year one will take it up and continue, that one is not giving it up, that one is just laying low, so to speak, for a while, but keeping in the back of one’s mind that one is sticking to the Quest, even though for a while one has to give up conscious effort. If one feels that one has failed, if one feels that one has sinned, even these are no reasons why one should give up the Quest for God. One may fall a thousand times. That does not justify one’s giving up the Quest. One must pick oneself up and try for the thousand-and-first time. There is no steady, smooth progression to he goal. It is not an easy path. One walks, and there is no possibility of moving towards the goal without meeting with hindrances and rebuffs. #RandolphHarris 9 of 13

And one has to learn to be patient and to be tolerant with oneself, not to withdraw because one meets with those rebuffs or because one becomes dissatisfied with oneself. One must not give up. One can wait, and then one can continue, even if one falls, still one can say one is destined to succeed the thousand-and-first times, it may be that one is destined to succeed the thousand-and-first time. So one must try, because one never knows which of one’s efforts is going to be a successful one; and if one persists, there will come a time when this a time when this effort will and must succeed. It is as though the gods like to play with one for a while to try one’s patience and endurance, just to see how keenly one wants this attainment. If one gives up at the first few hindrances or rebuffs, it means that one is not so very keen after all; but if one can endure and keep on, and keep om, and still keep on, no matter what happens, well then, the gods say, here is someone who really wants truth, so we must give it to one. That is the attitude which one must develop. It does not matter how troubled one is personally or how dark circumstances are: they will change because they must change. The wheel of destiny is turning all the time. So one must not let circumstances or one’s own inner moods deter one from continuing on the path. #RandolphHarris 10 of 13

As a matter of fact, once one has begun on the right-hand path, there is no turning back. One has accepted the responsibility, and one will have to go on with it—and if one tried to turn back, what happens is that one meets with nothing but suffering and disappointment in order to force one to return to the path. So, it is really serious undertaking to enter upon this path, because one has to continue, and the gods will give one no rest if one runs away from it once one has really set one’s foot on it. If one allows other people to influence one to abandon a worthy endeavour, one must blame only oneself, only one’s own weakness, not them. If, too, one allows obstructive circumstances to influence one in the same way, one is again to blame. This fault is harder to see and to admit than the first one. However, the Quest cannot be played with, nor undertaken only for one’s easier and more comfortable hours. It is a master to whom one has been indentured for lifelong obedience. It is a duty from which one must let nothing swerve one. If the quest becomes too arduous one can always take a holiday. It would be foolish, in the end futile, to give up altogether. Hope is the instinctive turning of the flower to the Sun. It bestows inspiring strength on the weak and gallant endurance on the sorrowful. #RandolphHarris 11 of 13

Hope is a way up from flinty tracts to the level plateau where the worst troubles vanish. And those of us who have planted our feet on the grander path that shall lead one day to ultimate wisdom, have to go on—whether it be through sorrow or joy, weakness or strength, World-turmoil or World-peace. For us there is not turning back. Once one has solemnly made this momentous decision and has reverently dedicated oneself to the quest, one has to remain loyal to it under all the experiences of pleasure and pain, temptation and tribulation which will henceforth be brought to bear upon one. To desert the quest at any point will only delay one’s movement and increase one’s suffering, for one will find in the end that no other ways is open to one except the way of repentance and return. One is indeed free who, unpossessed by one’s own possessions, unswayed by one’s own family, undeflected by one’s own desires, remains ever loyal to the quest. Once one has started on this quest in earnest, one will never be able to leave it again. One may try to do so for a time and to escape its claims but in the end one will fail. For some power which one cannot control will eventually and often abruptly emerge in the midst of one’s mental or emotional life and control one. #RandolphHarris 12 of 13

This quest is an irreversible journey. Once you have really started on it there is no turning back. You may believe that you have given it up in despair or turned away from it for a Worldier existence, but you are only fooling yourself. For one day either a deep repressed hunger will suddenly reassert itself or else a cataclysmic turn of events will drive you back to seek this last and enduring refuge of mortal. Where is the truth to be found in all this bewildering array of doctrines, creeds, claims, systems, and beliefs? That is the reaction of many young aspirants toward a life higher than the materialistic one offered by society today. Theirs is the choice: the responsibility cannot be evaded. There may be long mental struggle or easy swift emotional acceptance but the consequences belong to them. Though all these things they learn, develop, discover, and find their way in the end. “Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with one. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which one hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when one shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen,” reports Moroni 7.47-48. #RandolphHarris 13 of 13