The knot in my heart grew tighter. Those accursed deeds, those accursed confessions. Oh God, forgive me. Emotions are in themselves good or bad, normal or abnormal, right or wrong. It is the way we interpret them, legislate about them, control or abuse them that puts them into various categories. Perhaps there are not actually any quantitative differences among the various emotions. There are a number of typical features of emotional states which most thinkers agree are connected with emotion in one way or another. Consider the following case of marked fear. A man sees a funnel-shaped dark cloud approaching and realizes that is it a potentially destructive tornado. He feels frightened. Various bodily changes ensue, including increased strength and rate of heartbeat, paling, goose flesh, and dryness of the throat. These changes are reflected in his bodily sensations, which also include such things as a sinking sensation in the stomach and sporadic local chills. He has strong tendencies to run away and to protect his goods and loved one, tendencies which may or may not find expression, depending on circumstances. He finds it difficult to think about anything else or to concentrate on the work at hand. Physiological studies have revealed certain disturbances in normal bodily functions as regular features of emotional states. #RandolphHarris 1 of 10

Some of the changes may include increased adrenalin secretion, increased heartbeat, alteration of the distribution of blood to various parts of the body, changes in pattern of respiration, suspension of digestive activities, and increases in red corpuscles in the blood. It is these changes which are manifested in the involuntary overt expressions of emotions which have long been noted—paling, blushing, panting, trembling, and so on. And it is the sensation of these changes or some of their result which constitutes the felt disturbance or perturbation characteristic of emotion. Moreover, there is a more behavioral sense in which these states constitute disturbances; when sufficiently intense, they interfere with activities which require a high degree of coordination or control. Anger may become a strong emotion simply because it is so often suppressed or repressed, in much the same way that caging an animal often makes it more aggressive. Also, hidden feelings frequently loom larger, stronger, more powerful than easily expressed feelings simply because they are made special by being hidden. Human life is lived either minimally or maximally, depending upon what can be experienced. Merely responding to the inborn physiological drives, getting those needs satisfied, turning over and going to sleep, would be living minimally—just surviving. #RandolphHarris 2 of 10

However, we can approach a maximal experiencing of life by noting and knowing of what living consist. It consists, for one thing, of learning. We can experience the World inside us and outside, remember these experiences and anticipate them the next time around. Emotion is activity and reactivity of the tissues and organs innervated by the autonomic nervous system. Learning is simply the acquisition of behavior as a result of experience. This includes formal classroom-type learning as well as the learning from everyday involvement as a result of difficult or unpleasant experiences. One can be afraid or angry or annoyed or overjoyed without anyone else realizing it. Thus is seems that the emotion itself is something inner which may or may not issue an overt behavior. It seems to be an inner mental rather than an inner bodily state, since it is the sort of thing of which one can have the same kind of immediate infallible knowledge one has of one’s sensations and thoughts, a kind of knowledge open to no one else. If I am angry at someone, then, I but no one else, know that I am angry just by virtue of my being angry; nothing further is required. #RandolphHarris 3 of 10

Thus an emotion has to be identified with something of which such knowledge is possible, and this is restricted to states of consciousness. That state of consciousness in question is a feeling is suggested by the fact that there is no important difference between feeling angry and being angry, between feeling annoyed and being annoyed. One can inhibit all overt manifestations of an emotional state—if one is sufficiently motivated to make the necessary effort and has a high degree of self-control and if the emotion is not too strong—there will still be the tendencies to those manifestations. There are other ways of informal learning, which can be pleasant. One can learn what beauty is, for instance, by observing a Sunset or the Earth viewed from a Moon module, by hearing the music of Aaliyah or some other artist they cherish or other pleasant sounds. In addition to learning, we can experience life fully though the development of our mind by reasoning and imagining, either associative thinking or free-play thinking like brainstorming or random ideation. Fantasy, curiosity, exploration, manipulation or of the environment, trial-and-error problem-solving, getting lost or deeply involved in a story, film, play, conversation, or intimate relationship are all within the range of opportunities presented to us by everyday life for utilizing our physical selves and enriching the experience of being alive. #RandolphHarris 4 of 10

We are advocating here the cultivation of a full, rich, free, yet responsible, emotional life. “And you shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures: and shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord give unto them a promise, that the destroying Angel shall pass them by,” reports Doctrine and Covenants 89.19-21. A person can be rich in economic terms and yet be improvised emotionally. In addition to a monetary bank account, we also have an emotional bank account, storehouse for feelings, or affective responses, that is available to us over the long haul of our lifetime. We are born only with the bank, the nervous system and brain: we have to make deposits into it in order to have emotional responses to spend or invest. Think about from what, or whom, or where do these deposits in our bank, which is the nervous system and the brain come? Our earliest emotions, excitement and quiescence, gradually develop or change into other emotions, like distress, delight, anger, joy, fear, anxiety, affection, as we encounter aspects of the World about us. Do you feel balanced? Check the time and energy you put toward family, self, service, and work. When one area robs time and energy from the others, we start to lose sleep, energy, and focus. This means it is time to hit the reset button and reclaim balance before stress leads to anxiety and we will find ourselves unable to be productive. #RandolphHarris 5 of 10

We cannot always observe emotions in a newborn infant (which does not mean they are not there!). When the baby experiences the pain of hunger or the discomfort of a wet diaper, he or she lets out a signal in the form of a little cry. The crying is probably just an innate response to internal physiological discomfort or to external pain and does not represent a true emotion. The one response we call emotion with any degree of surety is a general excitement, which is the only apparent change from the infant’s ordinary, general quiescence. However, sometime during the first four to six weeks after birth, this diffuse excitement, even though it continues, takes on a different form, which we have come to call distress and to observe as tensed breathing and muscular tension that may or may not be accompanied by the crying response that was present at birth. Another change occurs when something is done to remedy the conditions that produce the distress. When food satisfies the hunger or when the diaper is changed, for instance, we notice the emotional response we have come to call delight, characterized by muscular relaxation, smiling, gurgling, or cooing. Thus, two emotional experiences have been deposited into the child’s emotional bank account. #RandolphHarris 6 of 10

In the normal, healthy and happy person, these early emotions (excitement, distress, delight) continue to be present, even though others have been added along the way. As we grow we discover new ways of feeling, all made possible by the development of the inborn nervous system and by other emotions previously learned. Fear, for instance, is experienced quite early. Some researcher indicate proof that some fears are inborn, particularly of falling and sudden or startling sounds. However, we do know and can demonstrate that fears are experiences by six months in the average child. Fear has a definite survival value: it provides a response that motivates us, because of the endocrine gland hormone called epinephrine (adrenalin), to move away from a situation we perceive to be threatening or dangerous. Anger, another very human emotion, serves to energize or motivate us to attack or act against some limiting situation. This conceptualization is based on Dollard and Miller’s Frustration-Aggression Hypothesis, a theory which, briefly, assumes that one of the commonest responses to frustration is a desire or inclination to attack or somehow move against the frustrating situation. Often we do not act upon the desire, of course. We find a bully—inches and pounds bigger!—blocking the sidewalk as we walk to school. Our desire may be to push past him, but our fear of being rude or our reasoning that we could not do it is usually strong enough to hold in that aggressive action and attempt other ways of so living the problem. #RandolphHarris 7 of 10

There are, however, times when we do move directly against the source of frustration, like when we move a shopping cart out of our path and return it to the receptacle in the parking lot of the store, gentle move a branch out of the way on the sidewalk, or assume it to be sage enough to suggest the bully blocking the sidewalk move out of your way. If we can experience anger and accept it as a feeling we have as much right to have as any other, then we can find ourselves enjoying the aliveness of emotionality. Anger can be enjoyable, especially when it is not expressed in a way that might produce guilt as an aftermath. There is a genuinely life-affirming experience to be had when you are in the midst of strong emotions. For all too many people, unexplored emotions block the way to vulnerability, empathy, and relational closeness, existing as a barrier or layer that must be illuminated and passed through before such capacities can be significantly accessed. As such, some emotions cause fear, but this does not mean that we ought to stay away from them. It may be massive, it may make us cringe, it may redden our face with its far-from-friendly gaze, it may seem to dwarf us, but that is just it front, as the warrior in us knows. Taking charge of your emotions deepens your integrity, making you more trustworthy, more capable of being more in tune with who we are. #RandolphHarris 8 of 10

 One man, experiencing his emotions openly and accepting for the first time in many years, expressed in this way: “Before, when I was holding back, I often had the feeling I was a zombie, you know, a walking corpse. However, now, when I am good and mad, my brain’s alive, my heart is pumpin’ away, I can feel the blood zippin’ through my body, and you know, I am really alive!! I can feel it!” This is not an unusual reaction in those who discover what experiencing with their own emotional range is really like. As the television commercial says, they “Come alive!” In terms of the bank account analogy, it is like discovering you forgot to record deposit and have more money than your balance shows. The person who is aware of the wealth of emotions one has at one’s disposal is one who feels capable of entering into a variety of experiences in life. One is also an infinitely more interesting person to be with, because one’s reactions spring from a wide repertory of emotional responses at their disposal! They are the ones we call cold, because you tell them you got an “A” on a midterm you expected to just pass and they can only say: “Okay.” You tell them your mother passed away in an accident coming to meet you in Aspen, Colorado USA to take you home, and it is the anniversary, and they possibly can muster a “Gee, that’s rough,” or even a lump in the throat. #RandolphHarris 9 of 10

You tell people who are considered cold you love them and they are the greatest people in the World, and they simple or maybe blush. They are unable to experience or express emotions on any but the most superficial levels. There are all kinds of reasons for the inability to express deep or strong feelings, or to have a wide repertory of feelings. Emotional poverty is generally a product of learning, not inborn shyness or shallowness. It can be unlearned and a more effective emotional life learned. It is never too late to add to that emotional account and experience a richer, fuller, ore interesting, more rewarding emotional life. You would think you were Lazarus resizing from the bed. Our Heavenly Father is near us and watches over us day and night. Think of it! God loves us, he is near to us, and he watches over us. God delights to bless us as we strive to do what is right. What comfort in the midst of our stresses and difficulties!  So take the time to check your mental health. Understand your emotions. Pray for guidance as you do so. We are here to learn and grow, and sometimes that is difficult. However, if we spiritually prepare ourselves for the journey, we can also be at peace with the process. “When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice,” reports Proverbs 29.2. The spirit of God adores you, and will come in pilgrimage to you. Bind the Spirit of God to yourself and you will be filled with grace, it will be perfected in you. #RandolphHarris 10 of 10

Hello, Matthew, you have the most amazing house. I simply love your paintings, furniture, appliance, all of the light the windows let in, which are a haven for gazing at the views from multiple vantage points. I love the soft colors you decorated with. I love the emerald green lawns and all the agreeable people in the community, people in nice suits and lovely long dresses. And there is a sweetness to the air. I suspect this community soothes people’s nerves. You have a look of resolute superiority. Glittering gaze. Handsome, clever brown eyes. Seems many of your mortal descendants believe you are blessed in all your Earthly visitations; did you know that? It is a special blessing visited upon you, apparently, or so I am told. This certainly is an eye-catching property, and the gardens of coventry smell Heavenly. Perhaps it was inspired by a glorious chateau. It reminds me of a luxury retreat, as reflects the magical merging of inspiration and architecture and landscape of Le Castel in the rural West of Normandy. This Cresleigh  house, spanning over 2,400 square feet, is a masterpiece of design and craftsmanship, graced by soaring ceilings, drawing me into a voluminous layout made for entertaining. The deck is the dramatic focal point on the main level, accompanied by an elegant dining room, tremendous chef’s kitchen, and a great room with a beautiful fireplace and glass doors to the patio, and home office with a closet and full ensuite bathroom with a soaking tub, and separate glass shower on the first floor. #RandolphHarris 1 of 12

As for you, I have been hearing about you, Steve. Rather ominous things, it seems. You are not fooling me, not for a moment. You are cut to the quick by the Erin’s words, you are cut to the quick by Matthew also, because no matter how much you try you cannot have Matthew. You are paying for your sins. You are paying now as we speak. You are terrified you will never see either of them again. And maybe you will not. And maybe if you do, they will show you a defiance that will demoralize you even more truly than you are demoralized now. Come, Erin. Let us leave this mountebank to his nightmares. I tire of his company. Balance. It can be hard to maintain in this life. We are often knocked off kilter by events that are out of our control—loss of job, infirmary, relationship challenges. And when we are out of balance emotionally, it is more difficult to feel the Spirit in our lives and to right ourselves. It seems unfair that during times when we most need the Spirit, we are sometimes unable to find it. However, it we look at life as a classroom, where God is providing opportunities for us to learn and grow rather than making the test easier by providing all the answers, then we develop a healthier perspective. We understand that much depends on us and not everything depends on the Lord. Like a good parent, God expects us to do our part to figure things out. And that includes learning to be emotionally self-reliant. Ask yourself, “Does my happiness depend on others’ actions?” #RandolphHarris 2 of 12

Emotions are compounds of feelings, where feelings are taken to be mental elements somewhat like sensations, but differing from them in not being localizable, in not being directly dependent on sensory receptors and in having certain special properties like pleasantness and unpleasantness. What is common to all these views is the conviction that what makes a condition an emotion, and what makes it the particular emotion it is, is the presence in consciousness of a certain felt quality which, like sensory qualities (redness, smell of burning wood), is completely accessible to introspection and accessible in no other way. The one and only way to know what fear, anger, joy, or remorse is, is to actually experience the feeling that is fear, anger, etc. Thus the emotion is only contingently connected with the other factors, including the cognitions which give rise to it and its expressions, whether voluntary or involuntary. It is conceivable that human nature might have been such that the emotion called “fear” would have been associated with cognitions of objects as friendly rather than dangerous and with tendencies to approach rather than tendencies to flee. It is an inexplicable fact that the emotion of pride should regularly be induced by the awareness of things which belong to us rather than by consideration of object which have no connection with us. #RandolphHarris 3 of 12

Many people experience emotional states they cannot understand and identify. They often wonder at the intensity, origin, explanation, and duration of emotions. They also worry about what they might do as a result of these emotions. They may even question whether the emotions are normal or not. Of course, this happens to all of us at times. It is one of the risks of being thinking, sensitive people. We begin questioning, analyzing our own experiences. We also categorize them, because that is what our rationalistic, scientific society expects. And when we cannot find a neat explanation or small compartment where feelings and emotions may be left for a particular experience we either bend it to fit another category, deny it, repress it, or project it onto somebody else (“How am I doing; what’s wrong with you?!”). If we cannot do any of these things because we are too honest with ourselves, we may conclude that the feeling is a bad one or a sick one. Furthermore, if we are happy only when other people are meeting our emotional needs, then we have not learned what our emotions are telling us; we are simply dependent on other people. We need to learn to own our feelings—the whole range of them. And we need to learn from them: what are they telling us? Then when situations of people challenge us, we know better how to cope and progress. #RandolphHarris 4 of 12

Consider the case of the girl raised to believe that nice people do not get angry, never feel anything like anger. However, in the course of her life, things happened that irritated her. Frustrations would lead to aggression and at times she not only felt anger but strong dislike as well. She often felt these things so strongly that she feared what she might do. She had dreams that often involved somebody getting detention, suspended from school, or being grounded by her parents. What brought her for professional help, however, were headaches. A medical doctor, after extensive testing, found no brain tumors, pinched or collapsed nerves or blood vessels, lesions, or anything else that might explain the severe headaches. In observing her, he found her to be an extremely cautious and fastidious person. She was very careful how she sat, walked, and carried herself. She was even more cautious in conversation, selecting each word, unable to relax and let the words come out easily or casually. The doctor suggested that she might be uncomfortable with some of the thoughts and feelings which she had. When she finally admitted as much, he sent her to a psychological clinic where such things can be handled with patience and tolerance for the person’s inability to deal with them right away. #RandolphHarris 5 of 12

In the course of therapy, she came to see that it was not anger that was causing the psychological tensions, but the attitudes she had been taught about anger. Having been told that anger was not a nice person’s emotion, she felt that she must be bad. So she felt guilt. Guilt caused her to be extremely cautious about her words or actions, to avoid doing or saying anything that might reveal the anger that would expose her as the wicked creature she felt she was! The physiological tension resulted partly from the strain she was undergoing by her cautiousness. This, incidentally, is a perfect description of a tense and sometimes confusing, overly controlled individual. Anger itself is not the problem. If there is a problem, it is what we are going with our anger. Are we turning it into aggression, hostility, ill will, hatred, violence? Are we swallowing it? Are we using it to control or manipulate? Are we channeling it into sarcasm or passive-aggressiveness? Pushing anger away does not work. Nor does indulging in it. Nor does rising above it or treating it like some primitive relic from preliterate times. The key is to wake up to our anger as soon as possible after it starts arising, stepping back just far enough from it—from its energy prevailing viewpoint—so as to be able to relate to it rather than from it. This means not allowing it to flame or further flame into reactivity. #RandolphHarris 6 of 12

Therefore, it is crucial to understand anger and to know it well, to have enough familiarity with our history with it and our usual ways of expressing it to be able to employ it in ways that serve our best interests. A person who is intimate with his or her anger and who can express it skillfully is a person in whom forcefulness coexists with vulnerability and compassion, a person worthy of our trust, a person capable of deep intimacy. Another thing that was causing the tensions in the young lady was her unconscious need to punish herself for having anger in the first place. The headaches were her punishment, her penance. Yet the body does not work that simply. The headaches made her angrier, at herself for both anger and guilt, and at others who made her angry or who reminded her of anger and thus her perceived badness. So she was caught in a vicious circle. Therapy exposed the circle, both intellectually and through psychodrama, where she felt and experienced the whole thing herself in from of accepting fellow-clients. The story ending was only partly happy. She began to realize the tension-release of the experiencing her angers, safely, nondestructively, and more importantly, with the full approval of therapist and other members of her therapy group. She learned to accept and like herself as a human being, a full, feeling person. #RandolphHarris 7 of 12

However, her family, with a long history of emotional suppression behind it, believing that anger was a weapon of the adversary, could not accept her open, honest, expression of irritation or anger as her therapy group could. Since she had discovered that certain so-called profanities were the only words that worked to express certain feelings, she horrified her family, who not only told her she should be ashamed for using “such language!”, but also stopped her from continuing psychotherapy. Hopefully, the release she has attained can be practiced in her own way, her own time, and she can continue to appreciate that her humanness includes such emotions as anger and guilt. Was the young lady abnormal? Was her anger abnormal? Objectively, we can say that the anger was not pathological, but since she felt it was, it had a pathogenic (illness-producing) effect. Furthermore, according to the norms of a society stresses control of emotions, her emotional expressions could be considered statistically abnormal. This is rather interesting, because all human beings experience anger, and not of them express it openly. Some express it indirectly, or through some physical symptom, to the point where tension headaches, ulcers, lower back pains, and other physical complaints that are often converted rage-reactions can almost be considered normal behavior! An interesting commentary on our way of life. #RandolphHarris 8 of 12

Some of the ways in which natural behavior is controlled are the really sick or abnormal behaviors. We become disturbed, ill, out-of-sorts, not ourselves, neurotic even, because we are pushed to be what we are not, to act unnaturally, in the name of social order, etiquette, propriety. Most of these disturbances are the result of some kind of suppression or repression—suppression is conscious blocking out, repression is unconscious—of natural, human emotion, especially the stronger ones like anger, fear, sexual passion, or creed. If people were allowed full expression of strong emotions, what would happen to our social order? We do not know, but imagination might paint a picture of wild, lawlessness, various assaults, endangering lives, plundering, rioting, singly or in combination. On the other hand, let us assume a society where children are raised to have a healthy acceptance of their full nature, to appreciate their emotions, to enjoy the tension-reduction and experience of emotions. Guilt would be the emotion that any person in that society might feel when he or she violated one of the rules of his or her society, but one would not assume that one was bad or outcast person. The guilt might simply be experienced as a total realization of having let down those expectations one had of oneself, and could provide the motive force for one to re-group oneself and try new behavior. #RandolphHarris 9 of 12

The socialization process of this ideal society would probably include showing the individual one’s kinship with every other member of society rather than instructing one in terms of obligations and duties. Thus, the child could grow up as a person who utilized one’s reason and emotions in living a fuller life, knowing that one was among many who were also doing the same things. In the process, one could develop the kinds of emotional expressions that would be satisfying, redeeming, and creative for one but not offensive or injurious to others. If this utopian picture were broadened, the resulting social order might well be one of personal joy and self-expression, satisfaction of both individual and group needs, easy interaction, full experiencing of emotional states, and a creative style of life. In our present society, however, to suddenly let everybody do as one felt might produce confusion and fear instead of creativity and peace. In other words, because many emotions are labeled strong or dangerous, we react to them as such. We build up attitude about them that are not removed by suddenly telling people: “Okay, go ahead; do it!” We would not expect, for example, should the rule priestly chastity be lifted, that all priests, monks, and nuns would immediately rush out and find sexual partners, nor that those who did would feel completely free and easy about their sexual involvement even if they were married. Many would feel guilt about breaking a long-held rule. #RandolphHarris 10 of 12

Radical changes in long-standing social attitudes disrupt the smooth functioning of a societal organization. The fact tat it may be perceived as a destructive organization is beside the point; it will still not condone a sudden breaking with the traditions that have built and sustained it. Nevertheless, we are convinced that the future development of human life demands a fuller, freer experiencing of all human emotions. A few people can change over right now and make the adjustment with little harm done. Others will bungle, perhaps causing harm, alienation or misunderstanding. The Love Generations and the Hippies, Hipsters, and Gen X are three examples of people attempting to free themselves from long-standing repressive attitudes toward emotions. Neither of the groups offers a way of life acceptable for all Americans. Rather, in our view, they and other movements that will come along may be change agents, catalysts, in the process of showing the rest of us what we are capable of experiencing. Are you mindful? Part of being mindful is to be in tune with your emotions, asking why you feel a certain way, and fully processing them. Keeping a journal is a good way to process feelings. “All who walk in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones,” reports Doctrine and Covenants 89.18. #RandolphHarris 11 of 12

Do you have healthy emotional outlets? Talking honestly about your feelings with a trusted friend is a great way to keep your emotional health in balance. Good listeners make valuable friends. Share your emotions without expecting your friends to solve the problems for you. There may be people in your life who are always trying to fix your problems. Remember, you have the responsibility to make changes in your own life with Heavenly Father’s help. When you pray, you may consider changing phrases from desires like, “Please, Heavenly Father, balance my emotions, to others like “Please, Heavenly Father, show me what I need to learn and do myself to balance my emotions.” With this simple change in perspective you can notice an amazing difference and become more emotionally self-reliant. Prayer, pondering the scriptures, physical exercise, and taking mental breaks to do something you enjoy can help relieve stress. “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a person should run father than one has strength. And again, it is experiment that one should be diligent, that thereby one might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order,” reports Mosiah 4.27. #RandolphHarris 12 of 12

Nothing is better than going home to a family and eating good food and relaxing.

With new born babies, it appears communication and values are being sorted out deep in the soul, and it is important for adults to try and identify with them. Infants move their arms and legs to rhythms of human speech. Random noise, rhythmic tapping, or disconnected vowel sounds will not produce this language dance. Only natural speech has this effect. Why do day-old infants dance to speech but not other sounds? One possibility is that language recognition is innate. Humans have a biological predisposition (hereditary readiness) to develop language. Language patterns are inborn, much like a child’s ability to coordinate walking. If such inborn language recognition does exist, it may explain why children around the World use a limited number of patterns in their fist sentences. Typical patterns include: Identification: See puppy. Non-existence: Allgone milk. Possession: My car. Agent-action: Mam give. Negation: Not ball. Question: Where doggie? Psycholinguists (specialists in the psychology of language) have shown that language is not magically switched on by adult speech. Imitations of adults and rewards for correctly using words (as when a child asks for a cookie) are an important part of language learning. Also, when a child makes a language error, parents typically repeat the child’s sentence, with needed corrections. #RandolphHarris 1 of 11

More important, still, is the fact that parents and children begin to communicate long before the child can speak. Months of shared effort precede a child’s first word. From this point of view, the filmed infants’ behavior reflects a readiness to interact socially with parents, not innate language recognition. How do parents communicate with infants before they can talk? Parents go to a great deal of work to get babies to smile and vocalize. In doing so, they quickly learn to change their actions to keep the infant’s attention, arousal, and activity at optimal levels. A familiar example is the “I’m-Going-to-Get-You Game.” In it, the adult says, “I’m gonna getcha…I’m gonna getcha…Gotcha!” Through such games, adults and babies come to share similar rhythms and expectations. Soon a system of shared signals is created, such as touching, vocalizing, gazing, and smiling. These help lay a foundation for later language use. Specifically, signals establish a pattern of conversational turn-taking (alternate sending and receiving of messages). Mother says to baby, “Oh what a nice little smile! Yes, isn’t that nice? There. There’s a nice little smile.” Baby Annie smiles. Baby Annie burps. Mother says, “Well, pardon you! Yes, that’s better, isn’t it?” Baby Annie vocalizes and smiles. Mother says, “What’s so funny?” #RandolphHarris 2 of 11

These exchanges between a parent and baby are more important than they seem. They represent real communication. A baby’s vocalizations and attention provide a way of interacting emotionally with parents. Even infants as young as 3 months make more speech-like sounds when an adult engages them in turn-taking. Overall, the more time parents spend interacting with children, the faster they learn to talk. The more often adults label objects, the faster a child’s vocabulary grows. Babies who most readily imitate new words learn language the fastest. Clearly, social relationships contribute greatly to language learning. When talking to infants, parents use an exaggerated pattern of speaking called motherese or parentese. Typically, they raise their tone of voice, use short, simple sentences, and repeat themselves more. They also slow their rate of speaking, and use exaggerated voice inflections: “Did Annie eat it A-L-L UP?” What is the purpose of such changes? Parents are apparently trying to help their children learn language. When a baby is still babbling, parents tend to use long, adult-style sentences. However, as soon as the baby says his or her first word the parent switches back to parentese over normal speech. #RandolphHarris 3 of 11

In addition to being simpler, parentese has a distinct musical quality. No matter what language the mothers speak, the melodies, pauses, and inflection they use to comfort, praise, or give warning are universal. Mothers of all nations talk to their babes with a rising, then falling pitch (“BRA-vo!” “GOOD girl!”). Warnings are delivered in a short, sharp rhythm (“Nein! Nein!” “Basta! Basta!” “Not Dude!”). To give comfort, parents use low, smooth, drawn-out tones (“Oooh poor baa-by.” “Oooh pobrecito.”) A high-pitched, rising melody is used to call attention to objects (“See the pretty BIRDIE?”). Note that parentese is not literally baby talk. Many parents cannot seem to resist imitating a baby’s cute mispronunciations of words. This is harmless enough for a short time. However, if parents continue to use baby talk they may slow a child’s language learning. Unless parents help their children pronounce words correctly, a child can easily reach school age still using baby talk. However, in the meantime, motherese helps parents get babies’ attention, communicate with them, and teach them language. Later, as a child’s speaking improves, parents tend to adjust their speech to the child’s language ability. Especially from 18 months to 4 years of age, parents seek to clarify what a child says and prompt the child to say more. #RandolphHarris 4 of 11

Here are two typical strategies for getting a child to say more. Expansion: Child: Cereal. Parent: Does Leo wants milk and cereal? Child: Leo coffee and cereal. Parent: Let’s get Leo some milk and cereal. As one can see, some elements of language are innate: All normal children learn language, unless they grow up in an extremely abnormal environment. Nevertheless, our inherited tendency to learn language does not determine if we will speak African, English, German, Spanish, Mandarin or Cantonese, Japanese, Arabic, or Russian. Environmental forces also influence whether a person develops simple or sophisticated language skills. Clearly, a full flowering of speech requires careful cultivation. “If you had lived in Victorian Europe and heard Dr. Freud say, “It is a sexual experience for a mother to nurse her infant,” you would probably have put the heat on under a vat of tar and begin plucking chicken feathers, ready to give the speaker a new wardrobe! Similar Victorian reactions are still around, even in this enlightened day and age. However, the term sexual, newly and more broadly defined, should now be more acceptable. Breast-feeding is far from being the exciting or lustful experience that it is commonly associated with the word sexual. #RandolphHarris 5 of 11

Breast feeding is a complex and interdependent relationship. It is more of a sensual experience, which means just what it hints at: responsive to sensory stimulation. However, the term has been abused to much that it has take on the same kinds of connotations that sexual has, and that is wildly distorted and inappropriate. Several things are happening to both mother and infant: the sensory neurons in the nipple are being stimulated and the response is one of pleasure; the sensory neurons in the child’s mouth are being stimulated and this response, too, is pleasurable; the body of the mother, coming into contact with the body of the child, is experiencing pleasurable warmth and stimulation; the same experience of warmth and stimulation is being felt by the child; the mother’s entire memory and ideational system is being stimulated by things she heard as a little girl about the importance of breast-feeding for the child’s health and security, about the importance of togetherness for mother and child, about the importance of skin contact for a feeling of comfort and security; the mother is reminded of the vital role she played in carrying and delivering this lively bundle of life. #RandolphHarris 6 of 11

A baby stirs the souls of the parents so deeply that parents experience a major transformation of character. The child may be a reminder to the mother of the love and intimacy she has with her husband; the child is gaining attitudes and experiences about closeness (in addition to their immediate pleasantness) and a sense of physical belonging. Many, many other things might be going on in both members of the mother-child unit, such as the pleasure of warm, nourishing milk going down and satisfying hunger, the pleasure of relieving the tension of breasts too full of milk, and so forth. Right after birth of a child, many women’s breast produces yellowish liquid called colostrum. Colostrum contains antibodies and protein. This is probably to disinfect the nipple, which removes bacteria and makes it more sanitary for the baby to feed from. Lactation, or milk production, begins about one to three days, after you give birth to your baby. Pituitary hormones stimulate milk production, in the breast, in response to the stimulation of the infant sucking on the nipples. If a new mother does not begin to nurse or stops nursing, milk production subsides within a matter of days. #RandolphHarris 7 of 11

Breastfeeding also has emotional and healthy advantages. Breast milk provides infants with free digestible food filled with antibodies and other immunity-producing substances. Breast feeding or nursing also induces uterine contractions that help speed the return of the uterus to it pre-pregnancy size. Breast feeding is also beneficial for the mother, as it is emotional and sensual experience for the mother, and it will help her bond with her baby. It is said that children, who are held close, by their mother grow up stronger and more confident.  Breast feeding is also a form of birth control, you are less likely to get pregnant because breastfeeding will temporarily inhibit ovulation, for women who feed their babies breast milk only. Birth control, during the period that you are breast feeding, is not recommended because the hormones can reduce the amount of milk produced and affect mother’s milk quality. However, progesterone-only pills can be used because progesterone-only pills will not affect milk supply or quantity. Nevertheless, stay from estrogen-containing birth control pills, do not use them. Some couple prefer to use a condom, after the baby is born to avoid an extra hormones from being passed on to the child. #RandolphHarris 8 of 11

When it comes to child development, in the first 2 years of life, a child’s intellectual development is largely non-verbal. The child is mainly concerned with learning to coordinate purposeful movements with information from the sense. Also, object permanence (an understanding that objects continue to exist when they are out of sight) emerges about this time. By about 18 months of age, the child begins to actively pursue disappearing objects. By age 2, the child can anticipate the movement of an object behind a screen. For example, when watching an electric train, Leo looks ahead of the end of a tunnel, rather than staring at the spot where the train disappeared. In general, developments in this stage indicate that the child’s conceptions are becoming more stable. Objects cease to appear and disappear magically, and a more orderly and predictable World replaces the confusing and disconnected sensations of infancy. The child during this person reveals a young human being learning to control the actions of one’s young body, learning to walk, to talk, to move muscles in a coordinated way, and deriving real pleasure from such control. None of the baby’s physical functioning have been prevented or inhibited before this. The baby has been able to eat, drink, sleep, breathe, eliminate, stretch, scratch, sneeze, and do anything the body needs to do. #RandolphHarris 9 of 11

However, in this period the baby is suddenly told that some of his or her physical function must submit to the controls demanded by the culture’s leaders: the baby must wait for meals to come at something called meal time; the child must excuse oneself before belching; the youth must cover one’s mouth when one sneezes; one must never make certain noises in public; one must watch one’s step, both figuratively and literally. However, among the most enforced restrictions one finds are toilet rules. Prior to this one’s sphincter builds up a certain amount of tension and then the baby simply lets go in the diaper. Suddenly one must learn when, where, and how to eliminate. Strange as this set of rules must appear to the child at this age, one notices that the parents put a lot of importance on toilet behaviors. The child observes and makes note very early. One can please one’s parents by going to the bathroom in the right way and displease them when one makes a dishonorable discharge or mistake or accident. Suddenly, the youth has a means by which one can control those big, powerful adults. In the Anal-Retentive phase, the child can derive some further pleasurable control by holding back. There is, apparently, some pleasurable sensation attached to temporary bowel constriction, but one again the greater pleasure may come from controlling the parents. #RandolphHarris 10 of 11

Children are our most precious gift from God—our eternal increase. Parents for the most part see their greatest fulfillment, their greatest happiness in a home and family. God planted within humans something divine that expresses itself in quiet strength, in refinement, in peace, in goodness, in virtue, in truth, in love. And all of these remarkable qualities find their truest and most satisfying expression in parenthood. The greatest job that any parent will ever do will be in nurturing and teaching and living and encouraging and rearing their children in righteousness and truth. There is no other thing that will compare with that, regardless of what a mother or father will do. The kingdom of God is not and cannot be complete without women and men who make sacred covenants and keep them, women and men who can speak with the power and authority of God! Today, we need women and men who know how to make important things happen by their faith and who are courageous defenders of morality and families in a World that is still developing. We need parents to know how to call upon the powers of Heaven to protect and strengthen children and families; and people who teach fearlessly. “Those who look upon the Son with faith will have life eternal,” reports Helaman 8.15. #RandolphHarris 11 of 11

I had seen one of your kind one time, walking, in the Folsom Historical District. It was a male with black hair, very handsome, and set apart from everything around him. He appeared to be searching for someone. I had felt a paralytic conflict, an attraction to him, and a fear of him also. You know my powers. They are not as developed as they ought to be. I wanted to know about him. I wanted to follow him. It was a long time ago. I never forgot about it—knowing he was not human, and that he was not a ghost. I do not think I told anyone about him. Any human being who has had a life that enabled him or her to acquire beneficial, accepting, enjoying, sharing attitudes toward self and relatedness, in the fullest extensions of those terms, can enter into relations and bring to and gain from the experience a reaffirmation at every level of that selfhood. Many modern human beings feel alienated and lost, or feel they are living only a partial existence until they find a satisfying love-relationship with at least one other human being. We can best understand ourselves when we can get outside ourselves and into life of another person. However, when a person awakens deeply enough to embody one’s full-blooded humanity without any dissociation from what is tender, soft, and vulnerable in one, one is one’s own hero. #RandolphHarris 1 of 10

Many people claim that people are nowhere near as noble, heroic, saintly, perfect, rational, pure, altruistic, or loving as they claim to be in the thousands of books, news reports, articles, art works, and speeches that people make about themselves. Humanists are supposed to extol human’s virtues, put human beings on a pedestal, see people as the be-all, end-all of existence, and to worship human beings. However, humanistic psychology is not interested in making gods of our men and women. It simply takes human beings as its basic unit of study and observes them, bases its findings on human-made rules and human-made goals, and puts human into their proper place in the nature of things. Humanistic psychology tries to correct the view that humans are worms, nothing, a zero with the ring knocked off. So in the attempt to see and describe human beings as they actually are, we have to pay attention to those who have been willing to tell it like it is, not like how we would like it to be. Victorian students were told that human beings were not the totally rational, reasoning, conscious, willing master of their fate (nor even much of their day-to-day behavior) that the Enlightenment thinkers portrayed. In addition to the individual’s mental abilities, the greatest number of people are dominated far more by emotions and underlying conflicts than they are by reason and will. #RandolphHarris 2 of 10

A great deal of emphasis should be placed on people really listening to each other, to what the other person has to say, because people very seldom (yes, there are other words to use beside rare) encounter a person who is capable of taking either you or oneself seriously. Of course, some people are not really like these; the foundation is there, but there is too much confusion and madness mixed in. Many people have a profound desire for communicating with and getting to know other people, but they are incapable of doing so. They do not know how. Getting to know someone, entering that new World, is an ultimate, irretrievable leap into the unknown. The prospect is terrifying. The stakes are high. The emotions are overwhelming. The two people are reluctant really to open up in front of each other, because in doing so they make themselves vulnerable and give enormous power over themselves to the other. How often they inflict pain and torment upon each other. Better to maintain shallow, superficial affairs; that way the scars are not too deep. No blood is hacked from the soul. #RandolphHarris 3 of 10

Emotions. Feelings. Experiences that are incredibly difficult to communicate in words. Yet something happens. A person experiences something, a feeling, a change, something going on inside of one’s head, stomach, muscles. The individual tries to tell about it. One selects words, pulls from one’s verbal quiver the straightest, truest, arrows one can find, hopes one’s aim and strength are adequate, and shoots the shaft out toward a target—another human being, who might be listening, reading, hearing. What happens? Sometimes the arrows fall short: not enough strength—will, desire, intent—behind the pulling of the bowstrings. Sometimes the string is flimsy or breaks—the motivation is lacking or feeble. Sometimes the arrows overshoot or miss the target—the bow man or woman is too forceful, tries too hard, or is careless. Or maybe he or she just did not want to hit it. Often when we miss in trying to communicate an idea, it is really because we are afraid of making contact, of actually being heard or understood. Although interruptions in human dialogue may be very painful, at least they are clear-cut. Individuals may suffer acutely when they lose a loved one, but they usually realize they are suffering, and they know why. The vital force missing in their lives is recognized and acknowledged. #RandolphHarris 4 of 10

In a communications-conscious society, where we have speech therapy, reading clinics, speed reading, sensitivity training, group encounter, etc., the person who cannot communicate is often considered odd, or is rejected. Yet not everyone wants to communicate, especially emotions. So we often find people going through the motions, saying “oops!” when a communication effort fails, but secretly meaning: “Thank God! I did not get through to him! Now, I do not have to give up anything myself. Deep feeling hurts too much.” There is, however, another dimension to human dialogue that is far more subtle and often quite difficult to recognize. For if dialogue can grow, it can also deteriorate, slowly and subtly, to the point where an individual can be trapped in a totally improvised relationship without even being able to recognize what happened or why. The process is very similar to the way the body grows and ages, on a day-to-day basis, without any visible change. The very fact a person can tolerate deteriorated dialogue and sometimes even encourage it is something that we would often prefer to deny, for reflecting on the implications is not pleasant. Since dialogue involves reciprocal sharing with other human beings, its deterioration must also be reciprocal, and each person must share part of the responsibility. #RandolphHarris 5 of 10

An individual can only receive to the extent that he or she gives, and, in that sense, dialogue is a mirror of his or her personality. Think how many times you have heard or even used the expression: “He is too emotional.” What did this mean? For many it probably meant that the person was exhibiting emotions or feeling-states that were excessive or exaggerated. Others would interpret that description to mean: “He is using expressions or gestures or something that embarrasses others.” Some people simply mean, “He is showing feelings that I have never seen before, much less experienced in myself.” However, others mean, “He is showing feelings that I have felt all too often. I am uncomfortable because I am being reminded of those feelings. I identify with this and it hurts!” Underlying most of these statements is an assumption a lot of people make: emotions are strange, frightening, weird, odd. However, what are the facts? The facts, if we can rely on the work of those who specialize in the study of emotion, are confusing. Out of the various theories they propose, we can find only a few things that they all agree upon. However, we can begin with the place at which many of them end: Human’s nature includes a full range of emotional responses. #RandolphHarris 6 of 10

Each of us is equipped wit the glands and hormones and brain centers to experience al the emotions that there are. “Put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth,” Colossians 3.8. This is an important point, for it does not leave emoting to a few people whom we call emotional, nor does it relegate emotions only to ladies. Each one of us, young or old, male or female, is capable of experiencing any human emotion. The truth is we probably all do experience far more emotion than we admit or even realize. Some of us have fantastic defenses set up, enabling us to hide some of our feelings from even ourselves. This idea is neither particularly new nor radical. Psychoanalysts spend years in personal analysis trying to understand their own personalities, because they recognize that if they are not aware of their own anxieties, then their own insecurities will block them from listening to their patients. In the dialogue of psychotherapy the patient can only communicate those thoughts and feelings that the therapist is willing to share, and this reciprocity can be burdensome, anxiety provoking, depressing, or exhilarating. The psychoanalyst tries not to indulge in the delusion that all the difficulties in psychotherapy arise from the fact that patient has problems. #RandolphHarris 7 of 10

 If the patient flees from the therapy or terminates the therapeutic dialogue prematurely, psychotherapists reflexively begin to search for their own unconscious contributions to this disruption. A similar situation exists in all human relationships. Take, for example, the erosion and dissolution that occurs in so many marries. Problems seldom emerge unilaterally from the behavior of only one of the partners; usually both contribute to the deterioration. This is not a particularly easy idea to accept, especially for those who have gone through the trauma of divorce, for it is always easier psychologically to blame the other person for problems than to search for one’s own contributions. The word emotion seems to come from roots in Latin that mean “to move out.” Here we get the idea that emotion is expressing or making manifest some inner experiences, which is definitely one aspect of emotion. Another important thing about “to move out” is that it points to the motive force of emotions. When you are feeling a particular way, you are going to do certain things because of that feeling, in spite of that feeling, or to avoid or change that feeling: emotions are highly powerful as motivating factors. Why do people who have comfortable material existences and physically stable environments suddenly abandon it all? #RandolphHarris 8 of 10

It seems that what they sense is that they are being slowly strangled to death in their current environment, that their very existence is being threatened. Dialogue has deteriorated below a critical threshold, until one of the partners can no longer tolerate the isolation. One way of looking at emotions or affective states is to view them as changes from normal to balanced physiological state of the body. This definition is very respectable and if found in a number of expert opinions. However, it creates problems: who can decide what is normal or balanced so that we can figure out by how much or how far the behavior is different? Are the differences quantitative or qualitative? Yet we have to deal with the fact that each emotional state is experienced as a physiological change. Tensions are produced, directions sought, movements inhibited or energized. So we cannot completely avoid the physiological factors, especially in the light of the importance of a human’s biosocial nature. Still, no one wants another human being to be totally predictable, totally programmed, any more than we would buy a dog or a cat that was totally programmed. #RandolphHarris 9 of 10

The joy, beauty, and power of human relationships reside precisely in the fact that the process of being human is unique. And dialogue is the process that differentiates us from robots and programmed machines. So we can look at emotional experiences this way: the body is capable of experiencing any number of changes. Some of these changes come about because of things we perceived in the World about us. Some of them are based on memories, ideas, or other people. Whatever it is that is triggered by these experiences is felt, often strongly. Because some of these emotional states enable the person to survive, we can assume that emotions, in general, persist in human experience because they have some survival value, whether we understand them or not. However, once we get there, no mater where God may place us or what inner emptiness we experience, we can praise God that all is well. That is what is meant by faith being exercised in the realities of life. God will turn what might have been into a wonderful lesson of growth for the future. Fill your mind with the thought that God is there. God is my Father, he loves me, and I will never think of anything that he will forget, so why should I worry? “And never could be a people more blessed than were they, and more prospered by the hand of the Lord,” reports Ether 10.28. #RandolphHarris 10 of 10