Sex sells, and we are buying. Get enough people to think that someone or something is sexy, and you are in business. Make me feel better, make me feel more secure, de-stressed me, prove that I am wanted, make me feel whole, console me, resurrect my sense of self, make me feel more powerful, help me feel less lonely.  Sex has a lot on its back—we have saddled it with so much hope and expectation, whether in mundane or spiritual contexts. Sex sells and we continue to buy. Cost is not an issue, given how valuable the potential payoff may be. The more stress we are under, the more dysfunctional our relationship is, the more insecure we are, the more unresolved wounding we carry, the more appealing sex may become to us. As long as we are having sex—or letting sex have us—we have a bit of distance from the mess or distress we are in.

I still have not have intercourse, nor eaten Tony’s burger, in fact, it seems like I am just waking up to adulthood. However, I am in love with someone, and waiting on that person, and have been trying to be respectful by not meeting anyone and reducing my contact with others on social media. Unfortunately, I also do not have any friends, and I expect the person I am in a “relationship” with to read my mind. One of my biggest fears is why I am putting my life on hold, you are probably out having sex with other people, and since we do not spend much time together, you may forget about me. I feel that your lust with others may satisfy your love for a relationship, and while I wait and stop bonding with others, you will move on. And I know you are thinking I am just waking up and feeling a sense of freedom and that perhaps I want to experience more than a friendship because I have not learned freedom through relational intimacy, and you are possibly right. I do not mind waiting on you, but I also want to experiment, which would then ruin everything. And what we do sexually reflects what we are doing in the rest of our lives.

I know that sex should not be conditioned as a liberating experience, but I do want people to find me attractive and desire me. I also understand that my desire for sexual freedom is both to act out and distract me from unresolved childhood wounding. Sometimes when parents’ divorce and you go a while without seeing one of them, one feels like they moved on or forgot about us, and this is what I think could happen in our “relationship.” So I was a few minutes late to this morning’s meeting, and to my surprise, the manager was already their talking. I woke up really early but went back to bed because I was bored. No one to talk to, so I did not want to get ready and sit around and wait for the meeting, I supposed next time I will wake up early. Anyway, the meetings were informative, until the manager left, then the rest of the bunch kept yapping on about the same things they have been talking about for years, and the only reason I started attending is because it was requested.

Come to find out my name was constantly being ran through the meetings, and people were becoming very aggressive towards me. However, after going to the last two meetings, no one has brought up my name and I have been respected more. Still, I think it is because the manager let the aggressive people know that they were not in charge, and they most certainly thought they were. After the meeting, I had to unwind and let the stress go. A lot of bickering does not do me any good. I do not speak in the meetings, unless I have a question, I just listen. So I went back to my apartment, had breakfast and coffee, watched part of a movie, and then took a walk. It was pleasant, nice weather, and professional and polite people out. Then I got back to class and took notes. This week, although I have already taken a Human Sexuality class, we are learning about sex, and many people see sex as a step into our full manhood and humanity.

The word f*** says a f*** of a lot about what we may be up to during our sexual encounters. Its multiple meanings—including indifference, aggression, disappointment, and exploitation—are testimony to many of the nonsexual dynamics that may be at play while we are being sexual. More than we might like to admit, we may be getting screwed or getting the short end on the stick—while we are being sexual, and not just during intercourse, perhaps losing more than our integrity along the way. I understand this is why you want me to wait. Sex makes people feel visual, attractive or appealing, wanted and it magnetically draws others to us, making us feel special or like we standout and will not be overlooked. Sex might also distract people from hurt, depression, anxiety, apathy, or grief about our lives. However, if enough of us were fully engaged in healing our wounds and awakening from our entrapping dreams, there would not be a sex or pornography epidemic.

I am trying to help others, while communicating with you. Maybe you can read my mind? While I still live in the Victorian era, where sex is not had or kept out of sight, I am studying what others are actually up to during sex and it is a bit of a shock, but it is a liberating shock. While some are left in the dark, in both personal and collective context, I am furthering in my humanity, more deeply, becoming capable of genuine intimacy. You know, I have learned how to communicate and express myself to the point we can have a three-hour dinner and talking about things that might captivate your mind, making you feel wonderfully alive, a celebration of your already present joy and wholeness, without losing my sexuality in the process, but deepening and expanding it. I have a heartfelt yearning to share my depths with you. I cannot wait to watch a movie with you or take a walk through the park. I behold the beautiful and the pleasant. My eyes see only that which is beautiful to look upon. I will not see anything else nor believe in anything else. The love of all good is within me and through me. That love goes out to meet all who come into my atmosphere. I speak that into law, and it is done unto me. They law is in my heart.

Love casts out all fear. Through work on ourselves, our relationship becomes a sanctuary and crucible, a place of deep healing, care, life enhancing challenge, and love that pervades all that we are. Do not let your strengths camouflage your weakness. Wow, I was having such a nice day. The weather cooled down by 30 degrees, compared to the same time yesterday, the Sun was muted, had a nice walk through the park, and my neighbors were peaceful. The only thing that was missing was someone by my side.

And then my five year old boy showed up! I was laying and reading a book, when I suddenly started crying. The way I was feeling was the same way I felt when I was a child and my father took away my favorite toy.

I was reading a letter, something a father would write to his son, the man is like 60 years old and his wife is a little younger, and he was expressing how he is so happy for the relationship with his wife, and how every day is an adventure, but he does not have much time left, and it made me cry because it reminded me of people I deeply care about who have passed, and some of the people I love most are in that same age range, and I fear losing them, too.

Because after they are gone, I will not have any close relationships in my life, and I have been trying so hard to establish intimate relationships with other people, but it is so hard because most people seem to be very mean, and want to hurt others and take others down. I fear what will happen if the person I am talking about passes away, as I will be all alone, and with my circumstances that is also very scary because I have not gotten to where I want to be in life.

And it is not that I want this person to stick around just so I have someone to depend on, but also because everyone needs someone in their life who really loves them. Since I have been on my own, I have been doing okay and am thankful for what I have, but the fact of the matter is someone has been trying really hard to ruin my life as best as he and his friends can. And as an adult, you would not expect powerful people to pick on someone not as great, and try to take a person down like life is a rerun of Gossip Girl.

Beside success and career, one of the main goals in everyone’s life is to experience full spectrum intimacy, not only with your partner, but also with who you are, dark and light, high and low, pretty and noble, deep and shallow. Many people hear the things said about me, and they make me laugh, it is so childish to say such sophomoric things, and make fun of people for being injured or assaulted, and that does not bother me. It is just when people go beyond the law and do things that are illegal to hurt others.

When you are in a relationship, you want implicit and rare trust, you want your partner to feel comfortable bring their best to the relationship, but also their worst, so we can face it together and integrate it in ways that serve our relationship. Nothing in us gets left out; it is all part of our relationship. After a good cry, I feel better. It is always a good idea to deepen one’s curiosity about what we least know about ourselves. The better you know your heart and mind, the more available we are for truly intimate a relationship.

Once you are in a stable relationship, never threaten to leave the relationship in order to get your own way or make your partner beg you to stay. If you are feeling manipulative, express this verbally, rather than acting it out. Turn your desire to leave into something to explore rather than acting out. Threats are negative promises, and are usually dependent on moods. If you really want to leave a relationship, such wanting will remain present no matter how good, bad, or indifferent you feel.

You may hurt as you mature, because you are more open to feeling, but you will mind less. Sad emotions are hard for me, but it is good to work through them, and I am looking forward to being happier in the future. I believe that my critics have done all they can possibly do, everyone hears them, and we are tired of the sad stories and evil deeds. They will eventually attract the attention they seek. More people in the World are required to learn how to love, express compassion, integrity, courage, because we are all yearning for a deeper life.

Just keep in mind, everything rises, and no matter how painful life is, this will further our intimacy. And it is such a gift to be so close, so deeply attached and bonded, that we cannot get away for very long, from facing things that we would not ordinarily face. Intimate relationships, fully entered into, keep us on track. Rest in Peace, Tony Scott. If you all get the chance, please watch a filmed called Crimson Tide.

And please take care of yourselves, people are living to be 90 years old these days. Greater than fear is Love. Love dissolves all fear, casts out all doubt and sets the captive free. Love, like the River of Life, flows through me and refreshes me with its eternal blessing. Love cannot be afraid; it is fearless and strong, and is mighty in its works. It can accomplish all things through the inner light of that faith in the all good, which fills my very being with a powerful presence.

Disclaimer: Do not make any assumptions about anyone or any pictures used, this is just for entertainment and educational purposes, and consult your doctor if you require medical advice, I am not telling you to try anything.

While Harvey Levin does not agree with me, 2+2 = 54. Reading my journal is just an inside to my brain noise, thoughts I have, jokes, and sometimes some very real things. I understand if you do not know me, my social construction of reality seems eccentric or surreal. My reality of my dream or subconscious mind is seen as more real than the surface reality of everyday life.

I am directly presenting the reality of my own feelings and emotions, and nothing can be more concrete to a man than his own felt thought, his own feeling. I feel the most real to myself when I am writing because in person I am a lot more boring and quiet. I do not really express myself very much, or am always capturing photographs of things I find beautiful. However, as I look at the damage to my teeth from Bruxism, I know there are some unresolved issues, but will keep praying about them.

Much like myself, some gay men have unresolved issues, which are also beyond their control. Life is hard, for some gay men, despite having a long history of homosexual inclusion in societies Worldwide, and the rights to marry, in many countries, some still view gay men as men who are engaging in something unnatural or even ungodly. And some go as far as to use the Bible as an excuse to justify wage theft, bigotry, and sheer laziness.

Kim Davis, a county employee, from Kentucky, was recently sent to jail, by judge, for five days, for refusing to issue homosexual marriage licenses.  Kim Davis says it violates her religious beliefs, so she just sat around the county office, which is funded by taxpayers, doing nothing. While Leviticus 18.22 reports “Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable,” I think there is more to this.

You noticed the Bible says nothing about it is a shame to be homosexual, nor does it denounce lesbians, just gay men. So I got to thinking about this…why would God not want me to have sex with men? Well, it is because your anus, in my opinion, is a gasket, and the more it is penetrated, the more likely it is to rip and tear, or loosen up to the point one walks around with uncontrollable sharding (flatulence, which is uncontrollable, and slips out making an unusually strange and wet sound, often followed by an awful odor), or you just have gas leaks, which are silent, but stink up the entire room. Anal sex could also lead to fecal incontinence, where stool just falls out of your anus because it becomes so loose. Not only that, but if you think about it, the anus is a dirty place, and you are at greater risk of catching in infection from penetrating an anus because there could be fecal matter present, which gets logged into your penis. And anal mouth contact is also very risky.

ryan phillippe shirtless 54

However, I am sure some homosexual men know how to wash their body parts or protect themselves from breaking their gaskets. I think this was all too graphic to be put in the Bible, so God just sent out a stark warning about it to get people to think. Now, back to Kim Davis, if she was to break the law and discriminate, that is also a sin and illegal. Exodus 20.15 reports, “You shall not steal,” and sitting at work refusing to do your job is stealing because you are getting paid for work you did not do.

Furthermore, the Civil Rights Act of 1875 granted equal access to public accommodations such as theaters, restaurants, and transportation. Now That gay marriage is legally, I am sure it is included. Now, I do not understand why Kin Davis has not been fired? She is breaking the law. If there was a news anchor sitting on air refusing to read the script, they would be terminated. If a Wal-Mart cashier refused to process all customers, they would be fire. So why is it that county employees seem to think they are God, and often times get away with stealing from taxpayers, and breaking the law?

Ryan Phillippe shirtless 54

I do not know any gay guys, but from the ones I knew in the past, we did not get along very well. They seem to act like I am a different species, as if they do not recognize me, and would cop an attitude real quick. I even once had a drag queen jam me up, at club Venus, in Hawaii because she felt like I was not enjoying her show enough. I did not make any strange comments about her, nor did I make any faces. I was just emotionless and blank. It was a new experience for me and did not know how to respond, but I must have really stood out for her to come confront me after her show.

So anyway, back to gay men, I do not know any, but I feel some compassion for them, it is not easy being someone and then being forced to admit who you are to the world. In the 1990s, there was this awful movement to shame gay men out of the closet. People would find out that they were gay, and then threaten to expose them if they did not expose themselves. However, be happy that happened before the internet was up and humming, as Americans are so much more accepting of Gay men. And you say God does not love gays? Well, I think he does. Think how devastating it would have been to have pictures of you and your boyfriend on social media, posted by an evil person, who wanted to shame you. Back in the early 1990s, being a gay man was perceived by society as being worse than a man who beats women or a murderer.

Still, even with gay marriage being legal, I have not heard about flocks of gay men taking advantage of it and getting married. Gay guys are still setting up secretive trysts in the Hampton’s, anonymous enough to be emotionally shed quite quickly, almost as if they had not occurred. And that kind of makes me sad. I would hope that your relationship is more than just for glamour and passionate sex. The nonsexual part of the gay relationship deserves exploring.

More than a few gay men are promiscuous, and just like heterosexual men have their main lady, a side chick, and a backup girl, gay men have the same dynamics going with other men. Also, what I find interesting is some non-gay men like gay sex. It is usually because they are acting out abuse they experienced as a child, or did a stint in prison and could not resist those fully cheeks. After all, Drake started from the bottom, which is a surprise because he does not know how to properly clean the cheeks, before requesting digital penetration from ladies.

I have always wondered how men prepare for gay sex? If you know me, you know I am curious about everything.  So I did some research. This one gay guy I talked to invited me to his hotel room with him and his boyfriend, and we chatted for a while, and he told me that they use an enema to clean up, and looking around the room, I noticed a little chocolate rain on the skirt of the bed. We hung out for a while, and my friend Natasha left the lovers in peace. Well, actually, I got freaked out and ran out of the hotel room, she called to chastise me later on. I was very young and did not actually think it might be risky to leave a lady with gay guys, but she made it home fine.

And another gay guy I talked to says he actually uses a hose, a garden hose, at least that is what he told me. He also went into details how he and his crew seduced a heterosexual guy, at a gay pool party, and they thought the was going to boo boo in the pool, but he was clean. Other times, some guys just wrap a scarf around their face and use a condom, they want and be ready to bang, they do not ask questions, they just want to bang. Some other guys take laxatives, and flush everything out, and clean up like they are preparing for a gastro-intestinal examine. Others just have a really good digestive systems. However, a gay man never wants to leave another guy with oil on his dip stick, or Hershey chocolate stains on the white sheets. Being a gay man is not easy, sounds like it takes a lot of practice. That would be so embarrassing to have someone say something like, “Your butt stinks” or “You got fecal matter on my member.”

While I was doing my research, this guy told me he was gay, but had a wife and got married, had kids, but then came out of the closet, and started dating gay men, and had a very young boy friend. He did not just come out of the closet, he blew the doors off of the house. And is just as happy as he can be and his children are young adults, love him, and are proud of him.

However, there are some men living a lie. They deny their sexuality, make a show of being with women, and model themselves after masculine icons, and try to maintain that role for the rest of their lives. Some young African American, Hispanic, and Mulatto men might think one of their male bosses is racist, but he may actually be attracted to you, and picks on you because he is uncomfortable with his feelings, and the perceived hate makes him feel more comfortable than admitting he wants to take you out on a date. Contemporary gayness feels like a social threat to many.

I have also noticed the heterosexual men make passes at gay men, or men they think are gay. And that does not always workout. And sometimes men with a lot of “buddies” may hook up with these guys. I knew this guy, and used to work on his computer, he would invite me to his house to download music for him, and would buy me beers and pay me. At that time, I did not know this is how straight men sometimes try to get sex from men they think are gay.

His wife would come home and see me in the house, and would invite me up. However, after a few months he bought her a new car, and they moved. Not because of me, but because her husband was getting down with another straight man, and she found out, I suspect, because his gasket was loose, or she walked in on them. They both used to have these odd gas leaks that smelled like death, so everyone knew something was going down.

Nonetheless, gay guys are human, and they have a hard time because men sometimes try to use them for sex, and then beat them up because it challenges their masculinity. A guy might give a gay guy signals, and if he responds, the reaction could be violent. Also, heterosexual men are so curious that they go to gay clubs wearing leather pants and sheer shirts, but still claim their heterosexual status, which leaves gay men open to assaults and unreasonable rejection.

Those who are not gay cannot fully embody manhood without including gay men in their circle of being. Keeping them in the shadows, ostracizing them, or marginalizing their existence is not okay. We are all sinners, and it does not make us bad. However, those who seek to hurt people on purpose are the worse sinners of all. The pastor is not trying to shame you for being gay, he is letting everyone in that church house know they have done something wrong in their lives and are required to change.

Ryan Phillippe shirtless 54

I actually like gay men because I think it takes a lot of courage to be yourself in a heterosexual World. So do not fear the LORD, and know he loves you just as much as everyone else. And Kim Davis and other county workers like herself will face discipline. Sitting back and allowing crimes to happen can leave the person committing them and their employers to face civil and criminal penalties, and they will also have to deal with the wrath of GOD. One of the most important passages in this Bible is, “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater.” Mark 12.31

Truly effective communication is as attuned to what is going on emotionally as it is to mental activity, staying empathetically present, listening both to what is being said and to what is not being said. This is about undivided attention, openness, compassion, and genuine interest, all working together. When starting a relationship, or deciding to give birth to a child, may couples have to negotiate. Negotiation is a process by which a joint decision is made by two or more parties, and no one gets exactly what they want, but they agree on some terms.

There was a couple, who found out their son had spina bifida, before he was born. The father wanted the child to be aborted, not because he was embarrassed, but because he did not want his son to have a diminished quality of life and be at the mercy of others. However, the mother felt this was his first son, and the child would be a blessing.

So after much negation they decided to keep the baby. After the child was born, the parents were happy they kept him. It turns out you could not tell from looking that he had a congenital birth defect, and he was actually very attractive. Of course the child had some physical limitation, and had to have annual checkups, but other than that he was healthy, and none of his friends ever knew of his medical condition. They just thought he was a little girly because he did not play sports, was very mild, and did very well in school.

Although there was some dysfunctional discord about the birth of this boy, the parents disengaged from intellectual sparring and established some mutual emotional ground, and remained anchored there. They were attuned to each other’s emotional state. When you are trying to resolve an issue in a relationship, do not state what you are thinking or perceiving, but talk about the emotions you are feeling and nothing more, do not justify these emotions either.

However, many people do not truly understand what feelings are. Saying, “I feel that you are not present” or “I do not feel heard” are not feelings, but perceptions or opinions, and these are debatable. Saying, “I feel sad” or “I feel anger” are statements of feeling, and are not debatable. These statements are simply data, interpretation free, and therefore not arguable.

After one identifies their emotions, what is often most difficult here is resisting the temptation to say more after we have said what we are feeling. However, when we end our sentence (which beings with “I feel…”) with the fitting emotion word or words (anger, fear, sad, love, and so on), and not continue it with “because….” we are giving the other a chance to let in the bare fact of where we are emotionally, and to resonate with it at a feeling level without getting reabsorbed in or distracted by thought. Openly sharing our feeling state in this way invites empathy from our partner.

In contrast, we can easily argue with a perception or idea, but not with raw data. Simply stating that we are angry (assuming that we are indeed angry!) is not disputable, however much the other may be bothered that we are angry, or thinks that we should not be angry.

What we are being asked to do, as the recipient, is to listen emotionally, letting in the bare reality of the other’s emotional state as well as their straightforward acknowledgment of it, regardless of our mental commentary. We do not have to agree or disagree, just simply listen. All you have to do is stay silent for a moment, making room to feel the other’s emotional condition.

Without the ground of some emotional co-listening and empathy, the concern in question will just get boxed into the same old back-and-forth arguments. The point is to make emotionally centered communication more of a priority than intellectually centered communication. Most men experience some relief once they got the hang of this, enjoying the simultaneous simplicity and depth of it, especially as they become more emotionally literate. Stating only what emotions and sensations are primarily present relieves them of getting caught up in cognitive combat zones.

Communication works best when there is not only mutual emotional transparency and empathy, but also an established, well-anchored trust. In fully functioning communication, there is no power struggle, no investment in winning, no strategy to overpower. Being off track is not seen as a problem, but as a chance to get more deeply back on track.

Listen without losing touch with yourself, do not weaken your boundaries, be patient, but not passively, be sure to pay attention, and be aware of your energy, sensations, breathing, posture, and intentions no matter what you are thinking. Always be genuinely interested in the other, beyond what they are saying, and be able to listen to yourself as you listen to the other. Power and love are born from within.

Wanting to be seen as courageous is very different from being courageous. Courage is mostly far from spectacular, often taking shape in the form of activities that may seem mundane to others, not worthy of more than a fleeting glance. Looking back on my father’s accomplishments, a veteran, I never knew that he was in pain my entire life. Physical pain, but still, he got up, went to work and supported his family and never said a word. At one point he may have ran off, for years, and partied with the guys and the capital dames, but he deserved to.

The man went through a lot to protect his country, and he also lost a lot. His wife divorced him took his house in Oakland Hills and his kids, and that is not to say that she is a bad person, she was there to help him through the mental and physical pains he did not share with us. People, who fight in wars, are trained to kill on command, they see bloodshed, bombs are thrown at their heads daily, and they constantly hear gunshots.

Quite frankly, I could not live through that, but my father did and I believe he is Superman. Then to have to come back to civilian life and have to turn all of that off and just be a regular human being. You know, he lost money and years of his life to fighting in the war, it ruined his marriage, and he got no contracts or trophies. However, courage endures, including when it has to change course.

Pride can also be a far less honorable state, rooted in arrogance and a sense of superiority, existing mostly as an antidote or solution to shame, exalting itself through diminishing or disrespecting others. Some– many people are upset by the circus the face of Coon’s chicken put on, 11 September 2015.

While people were at work and mourning the loss of true heroes and loved ones, this buffoon had a block party, at taxpayer’s expense, to honor a young man, who you will soon see dancing across your screen like a power bottom in heat, while the face of Coon’s chicken, Mayor Kevin Johnson, pretended to be Marilyn Monroe, hanging from an old beat up Cadillac, waving to the public, with his Kool aid smile.

Then we got to listen to these three young men, who are being called heroes, give vague speeches, and talk about how they are taking trips around the World, and love all the support they are getting, and feel connected to victims of the 911 attacks. I felt this was the biggest piece of malarkey and staged news I have ever seen.

Being someone who has actually lost a family member who served in the war, and lost another family member who did not make it home from work on 911, I feel like if you truly felt connected, your comments would show that. And to sit on the stage and smile like three Chicago two step champions, I truly do not feel these young men are heroes. To be caught up in the kind of pride displayed by these young man, and the Mayor, who orchestrated the event, aligns us with a narcissistic heroism, featuring a blown up version of “me” at the helm, a massively myopic individualism.

Carrying this further, sucking out any remaining trace of compassion and sensitivity, and it is not hard to find that kind of pride, which is one of the Christianity’s seven deadly sin. Such pride is aggressively me-centered, leaving us not only standing over others, but also invested in having them remain in their place, whatever the cost.

What a sense of incompetency is to shame, a sense of competency is to price. In my English class, I learned that when someone really reads your work, you will know by the comments they leave. You will get more than a “Oh, this was a good essay, I really felt like I could relate to the main character.” Usually people who tell the truth will leave you an in depth, passionate comment, which leaves you feeling good and like they really connected to the material.

And I know that some of you are saying, I am just jealous, and that is not true. I simply feel like this circus that Mayor Kevin Johnson had, on 911, was so anti-American. To many Americans, it would be like a group of people having a party and celebrating the deaths of Michael Brown, Treyvon Martin, or the beating of Rodney King. That tramp could have had his block party on Saturday 12 September 2015, while people were home from work and had the time and the frame of mind to receive it.

The leadership in Sacramento, California has lost their minds, and it is clear to the World. The city of Sacramento has become a parody of a real city. And Mayor Kevin Johnson talks about how he wants to make Sacramento, California a World class city, but locks the public and journalist out of meetings about wage equality, ignores the fact the their public housing discriminates against young whites.

Not only that, did you know Mayor Kevin Johnson, who wants a World class city is actually a slumlord?! Yes, his real estate holdings in the Oak Park neighborhood of Sacramento, California discovered that more than 50 percent of the properties owned by Mayor Kevin Johnson had been cited for various violation codes, including but not limited to: overgrown vegetation, dead animals, foul odors of dried urine and feces, debris on the property, and decaying fire damaged buildings. Many people actually feel like Mayor Kevin Johnson is really like a gray smoke could over Sacramento and hindering the city’s progress. A true hero is pure action in the service of what truly matters.

There is so much corruption in the World, and many of us think we have to pick one side, black or white, but I want to be an advocate of both. Blacks are always complaining about white privilege and not getting this or that, but the fact of the matter is some of them are truly lazy and lack the mental dexterity and education it takes to succeed. So how about we cultivate an awakening of innocence by being honest with ourselves.

After living in Sacramento, California, I got see a side of black people I had never seen. They lie, borrow things like ketchup and kitchen utensils, gardening tools and never return them, and you end up having to go out and buy new things to replace what you lost. They beg for rides and then give you $4 for gas, tear up your car and regress to naïve innocence or hide out in cynicism and irony.

These black people seem to get away with physically assaulting people, breaking and entering, theft, and harassment. I mean they simply do not get arrested. Many of the blacks I have seen in Sacramento, California, a stark contrast to the African Americans in New York and Oakland, as like barely formed embryonic fetus, hardly having the legs to survive because they are so fully of insanity, greed, and numbness that pervades so much of our planet. And many of the professional African Americans and European Americans feel like we have no voice and are being eaten away from the inside, and we do not want to get caught up like Bambi.

Courage is overlooked every day or undervalued. Last night, I saw a beautiful female journalist giving a life report on the 70,000 acre Butte fire, as sparks of burning embers came dangerously close to burning her beautiful long blonde hair, but she kept reporting, as if she did not notice. Some people have physical courage by staying present and uncollapsed when they are physically hurting.

Physical pain can be overwhelming, agonizing, exhausting, and relentless. No one wants to keep talking about it or acknowledging it because relating to it, without getting lost in it, takes stamina. Why should someone have to keep proving what has been well documented and written about for decades? Are your people still mentally unstable? Are they taking their Sarah pills and going to therapy so they can go back to work? Do they tell about how they kick on doors and physically and verbally assault others? Do they talk about how their days are spent plotting to take others down? Their bodies are perfectly fine, they can pop a Sarah pill and go to work.

However, never fear them, keep letting yourself speak with real feeling when you are afraid of the possible consequences, such as rejection or ridicule. Stand in the face of strong opposition or possible ostracism and keep looking for new opportunities. Existential courage means you are able to bare the reality of existence, without clinging to what is tangible. People may laugh at your lofty goals, or your social construction of reality, but at least you are talking about concepts and not gossiping like a broad.

This climate is very unfamiliar and your personal identity seems to be the flimsiest of constructs, but have the spiritual courage to awaken to your true nature without any dissociation or denial of your humanity, and deal with your painful emotions and unresolved wounds. I know it is uncomfortable to share your wounds and unflattering states, you are trying to attract love and opportunities, but being your own whistleblower helps you keep your connections alive and well, and it also sheds light on the ignorance of critics who love a media circus. Courage is all about facing what we are scared to do, and doing it nonetheless. Without risk there is no courage. Without fear there is no courage. Without challenging circumstances, there is no courage.

We may want to give up, but we do not. Courage does not always look like courage, and people may not understand or care about your struggle, but when we are being courageous, we do not care how we look. We just keep going, again, and again, finding the optimal pace. You may be in so much debt behind the illegal things people have done to you, but courage is life enhancing warriorhood, heart centered heroism, a matter of not abandoning what is young and tender in you as you let courage’s path rise up to meet your stride, not necessarily knowing what is coming next, and being okay with not knowing.

Much of it is everyday heroism that does not result in medals or applause. Your son may have won a big race, working very hard for his victory, and you are bursting with happiness for him, feeling yourself both touched and uplifted. You are proud of him, without feeling any need to diminish his competitors.

Sometimes in life, we all require a Superman. Being an adult is not easy, you have responsibilities, limitations, and there is no one you can turn to for help. People do you wrong, they might seriously hurt, and walk away free as a bird, while you suffer the consequences and financial losses. Then you have others compound your injuries by putting you through unreasonable stress, and irrational deadlines, and you are doing the absolute best you can. And on top of that, you have to keep your face and body in picture perfect shape, not that a relationship would change this, but being in a relationship, you know someone will love you unconditionally. Whereas when you are single, people want perfection.

And on top of that, you have been working so hard to achieve a career, and after ten years, you know you are burnt out and tired, and if and when it does come along will you even be able to handle it? These are the fears that real adults face, life is not easy, and when you see others faking injuries, or walking around making life hard for others, it really upsets you.

Some people cannot even take pain medication or anti-anxiety medication because of the side effects, and are not making enough money and have no idea how they are going to get by in the future. Sometimes people have injuries you cannot see, other time people are perfectly fine and just want a free ride, and they fly under the radar, and it really upsets some that they are trying so hard and facing so much scrutiny. I know you hear this all the time, “Life is not fair,” but that is an incorrect statement. God created the World and we all have equal opportunities, life is very fair, we are born alive, what is not fair is the way people treat us.

There is this lady, and I am really not a big fan of hers, but as expected, if you are vulnerable, and people know it, they will prey on you, so put forth the strongest outlook you can and never complain, and never let too many people know your business, not even your siblings, trust me on that. So back to this lady, she worked hard all her life, and did some very questionable things, and quite possibly illegal things to advance. Then she had a side relationship going on for about 14 years, while she was married, and no one knew about it.

Anyway, this guy really took hold of her and turned her out, until she became a totally different person. She still pretends to be kind and innocent, but truth be told she is a cold hearted thug. Anyway, I guess she fell in love with this guy old enough to be her father, while she was married, she even introduced her husband to him, as he was her “boss” then a year later, out of the blue she divorced him, and married just weeks after her divorce. It was a shock to everyone. The man is pretty well off financially. However, all along the women was still playing the role of a good Christian lady, and everyone feared she was in some kind of trouble, or that he had something on her and forced her into a marriage, but that was not the case.

As time went on, it became clear she had changed and was happy with the decisions she made in life. And she told everyone, “I have worked so hard all of my life, and I want to be taken care of for once.” And I can understand that, I can even relate to that, but I will never forget the things she did and keeps doing to her loved one’s behind their backs to take them down. So, I am sure her first marriage was rough, she got beat a lot and cheated on all the time, and I suppose it changed the way she viewed love.

She saw love as nothing more than a business deal, and saw certain male family members and even the matriarch of family as her competition and as Automatic Teller Machines. She pretends to still love them, and I am sure she does, but at the same time she wants nothing more to break them down and make them pay for the life she decided to live. Other people have problems they cannot escape from. So, never turn your back on your family, never set your family up to fall just because you hitched your ghetto booty to a new financial resource.

I understand love, in this era has changes, and most people are out to see what they can get, and those who actually feel real love are often left hurting or being preyed on. However, also never become like the people who hurt you. You may not be famous, you might be and love, but want to cut someone off because you do not understand what they are doing and have been hurt in the past, but that person you are in love with might just be one of your biggest fans, and think about how much it would hurt you, if for example, Paris Hilton was your role model and she totally disrespected you, and would not let you look at her pictures or see her work.

So, just take it for what it is and someday, the right person will come along, but in the meanwhile, let your fan enjoy you, you are not going to lose anything by allowing them to admire you. And as for everything else, keep trying, use your time well, and as my mother always tells me, “Walk in faith, not by sight. Appreciate the few things you have and God will make you ruler over many.” At times, we all betray someone, for whatever reason, and it does not feel good. Hopefully you fan will forgive you and that bond will be sealed by a plasticizer called love and respect.

And just like some have people in their ears telling them what is bad for their career and image, others do, too. What you have to understand is some are just apprentices and it really bothers their superiors when they get involved in any kind of relationship because it the past, the heart has been what people used to truly hurt that person, and it really embarrasses the network. And I know you sometimes see disfigured people walking around with a good looking partner, and think to yourself, “Are you Fing serious?” Well, some love imperfections. Hang in there. It could be all these rejects feel it is unfair that you have the American privilege of being so beautiful, smart, and coveted.

His violence carries a dark beauty, as if he cannot help, but cut off heads or pierce hearts. There is always someone to defeat, overcome or vanquish. The less emotion, especially fear, he shows, the more he tends to be admired or envied. The archetypal (model) male warrior traditionally shows little emotions, other than steely passion and perhaps a flicker of a smile for selected loved ones, his entire being focused on the task at hand, namely facing and defeating various adversaries.

The number of casualties in war boggles the imagination, many millions. How do we digest that? How can we possibly conceive of that in more than just an intellectual way? There are living beings that someone took the time to create, they have souls. Just one person dying to us can being overwhelming, it can rock our World for a lifetime, especially if that person dies a violent death, as through was, a plane crash, or being terrorized by demons who are unworthy of life. We need to get close up and personal with those have a cold disregard for life, and we are not likely to do that unless there has been enough dissatisfaction, pain, and disillusionment in our lives to make us tired of seeing such suffering.

When thousands of people from our country are killed in their own homes, and die violently, we may find ourselves at a very dark edge, lost in an ocean of pain and hurt, grieving when we cook their favorite meals, walk past their room, or hear their name.  So why do their deaths matter so much to us? Because we feel some kind of allegiance or relations with them, and such mass violence, like we experienced on 25 August 2001, and 11 September 2001 left a nation feeling heartbreak and shock and grief and collective trauma that will roll on for centuries, and many people are threatening to break like warheads where there is no danger to us, becoming numb enough to kill on command.

And when the war is over, it is not necessarily over for those who fought in it, there is no way to shut off the numbness. Many people, men, women, and children show a high occurrence of reported Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially veterans, whatever their age. And these are just reported numbers; it is likely that more people are silently suffering because of uneducated therapist like Glenda O’Sullivan, and some other thugs who work for Social Security. Many people are ashamed to admit that they are having glaring issues with dealing with crack head sue, and Robert the drunk, or Tim the Nightstalker, who wears a leather jacket in the summer, or the welfare queen Candice.

The deep scars left by way are too often left unattended or only superficially faces (just like deep scars left by spinal surgery, or removing bladder cancer, or child abuse) and it not easy to see people walking around pretending to have mental problems and harassing others who are trying to live in peace, while authorities ignore their responsibilities, and this is worsened by the expectations, whether from ourselves or others, that we should just get over it, like a real man would. The bloody reality of children of war is much different than someone whose parent was a drug attic. Children of war are born to parents who have faced mass violence, waves of heartbreak and shock.

While some of us are ready to floor the accelerator and leave the competition in the dust, we do have certain limitations, and being physically and emotionally attacked is not fun for us, even though it seems to bring many of your years of pleasure, as you sit in front of an apartment complex disturbing the entire community. How could you hit a veteran’s child in the head, choke him while he is driving, and then date rape him and fracture his spine, vandalize his car, and send him to the hospital, and no one does anything to push the attackers, but steadily blame the young man and harass him?! His father fought for your freedom! This is beyond bullying, shaming, it is a continuum of larger violences.

Many of you, your bodies are perfectly fine, he was born with a split spine, and had to undergo many procedures to be as healthy as he is today, and just because he looks better than many of you, you feel you are justified in attacking him? Not only has his father shed extravagant amounts of blood, for this country, he saw his son almost bleed to death, and no one was able to stop it, the boy was hemorrhaging for weeks, right before Christmas, and many of you somehow found this information out and have made it a laughing matter.

Making menstrual jokes and questing his gender, but celebrating Bruce Jenner. Which does not make sense because not many people lose four pints of blood, from a “questionable tear” in their urethra and live to see another day, but you tarnish his image and beat him, but celebrate and defend someone who is what you wrongly accused my son of being! And I am tired of you people stealing his money and shoes and acting like nothing has happened! My son has been trying to go to college and prepare for a career, but you people attacked him and made the situation worse than it was. I am sure it is a laughing matter to you, but daily stomach pains bone aches and headaches are not funny, but he still smiles and acts like nothing is wrong.

What if you people were to channel the same energy into facing your own darkness, healing your own core wounds, and taking on the challenge of being in a truly intimate relationship? Would this not call to the very best in you invite forth uncommon bravery, and contribute hugely not just you our well-being, but also to that of those involved with us, both directly and indirectly? As we take care of our inner wars, we decentralize war, stripping it of more and more of its power and appeal, if only because we cease being drawn to supporting or participate in it.

My family wants to move toward a healing integration, a sense of wholeness that does not allow any of its parts to dominate the others, and it is wrong of you to take private information, disseminate and distort it and use it to harass and beat my son. I hope the wrath of God comes on all of you and your loved ones. In the future, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” 1 Thessalonians 4.11