Recognize their rituals. I like in a World where even 10 seconds is very important, you can miss a lot. You guys abuse and misuse the time God gives you and the people he puts into your lives. The record will show you clearly…laid out in such a fashion…made to be seen. One day an individual is leading a full and active life, and the next day he suddenly finds himself flat on his back yet, twisted and upside down in a hospital coronary care unit, confronting the very real possibility of his own death. The body is food and much of that was previously taken for granted must now be questioned. Classic scenario. Can I return to work? How will I support my family? How will I relate to my spouse and children? What about my favorite activities? What about Netflix and Chill function? A heart attack is both a physical and an emotional trauma. A growing body of scientific evidence has linked psychological depression to the development of coronary heart disease, and it is not at all clear which is cause and which is effect. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 8

Several years ago, I received a letter (from a woman I had never met) which summarized concisely the problems many couples must face after a heart attack and which shows the vital support one human being can give to another. (Indeed, one wonders whether her husband would even be alive today without her loving support.) When her husband was recovering from a heart attack, their internist instructed them to avoid all future orgasmic sexual activity.  At first she fought, but quickly yielded to the melting heat, during the walk through of the house in North Carolina. Death comes on swift wings to the daughter of Babylon. How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her for she said in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no window, and shall see no sorrow. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 8

She wrote, in part: We have been married for 34 very interesting and challenging years. We always had had a very affectionate life, and it was not until my husband’s internist discharged him from the hospital following his heart attack on 22 January 2009, with the words, “eat and drink moderately, do not smoke and no orgasm” that I had paid attention to the significance of our sex life. My husband’s job, a research scientist, was periodically being threatened by cut backs in research funds, so that he was under considerable stress. His healthy up to that time been reasonably good, although he had always suffered from what we kiddingly called “bellyaches.” #RyanPhillippe 3 of 8

Following his discharge after the myocardial infraction, we were careful. He, being a very affectionate guy, needed physical contact, so we engaged in considerable play. Thankfully we both have a sense of humor; and in late August of 2015, he suggested “fitting jobs.” We managed these very well for some months without orgasms. However, they began to result in orgasms. When I wondered aloud about the advisability his response was “What a way to go.” So we began enjoying “side jobs” and later “top jobs” with orgasm. After that, we proceeded to ignore the doctor’s advice about orgasms, but we often talked about the damage to marriage and to life in general such advice must be inflicting on numberless couples. Then he and his buddy did a show in February of 2016, making fun of “orgasms.” #RyanPhillippe 4 of 8

Physicians often advise patients to “use your own judgement” or “do what you think you can do.” Such advice not only shits responsibility from the doctor to the patient, but it also communicates a certain degree of ambivalence about the whole topic. Unfortunately, many cardiac patients are hypersensitive to even the slightest ambivalence on the part of their physicians, and their sexual capacity suffers because of this medical ambivalence. Therefore, shall plagues come in one day, death, and mourning, and famine; and she shall be utterly burned with fire; for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her. Then I said concerning who has grown old in adulteries, will they commit harlotry with her now and she with them? Initiation, intimidation, stigmatization, isolation, helplessness, and self-blame depend on a terrifying reality of abuse.  #RyanPhillippe 5 of 8

How do we organize our thinking with regard to individuals like Marilyn, Mary, and Kathy, and what can we do to help them? The way we define their problems, our diagnosis, will determine how we approach their care. Such patients typically receive five or six different unrelated diagnoses in the course of their psychiatric treatment. If their doctors focus on their mood swings, they will be identified as bipolar and prescribed lithium or valproate. If the professionals are most impressed with their despair, they will be told that they are suffering from major depression and given antidepressants. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 8

If the doctors focus on their restlessness and lack of attention, they may be categories as Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and treated with Ritalin or other stimulants. And if they clinic staff happens to take a trauma history, and the patient actually volunteers the relevant information, he or she might receive the diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). None of these diagnoses will be completely off the mark, and none of them will begin to meaningfully describe who these patients are and what they suffer from.  #RyanPhillippe 7 of 8

Psychiatry, as a subspecialty of medicine, aspires to define mental illness as precisely as, let us say, cancer of the pancreas, or streptococcal infection of the lungs. However, given the complexity of mind, brain, and human attachment systems, we have no come even close to achieving that sort of precision. Understanding what is “wrong” with people currently is more a question of the mind-set of the practitioner (and of what insurance companies will pay for) than of verifiable, objective facts. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 8

Sometimes it takes a long time before people are ready to talk about their abuse. Some do not want to violate their loyalty to their family—and deep inside feel that they still need to protect them. The price of this loyalty is unbearable feelings of loneliness, despair, and the inevitable rage of helplessness. Rage that has nowhere to go is redirected against the self, in the form of depression, self-hatred, and self-destructive actions. It is like hating your house, your kitchen, bathroom, and the weather, but constantly having to appear happy and like you enjoy everything when inside you feel like just falling to the ground, crying, and letting everything go. Nothing feels safe—least of all your own body. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 6

I remember when I had to go to therapy for something that was happening to me, and I could not make myself cross the road to the psychology department, but I knew I needed to go because of what happened, and a very nice young lady reporter went to therapy with me as a source of support. It was very helpful because I did not know who to trust, I was scared that someone was going to try and have me committed because of what they did to me, you know, to keep people from finding out. And I had to hide what happened to me from the doctors, my parents—and from everyone else. We just were not allowed to talk about it. No one wanted to admit that could happen to a young man. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 6

Where we come from, people are peaceful and most are healthy. They do not have family problems nor care about skin color, they are normal people. So to hear something like this happened and these events have been going on for years was totally devastating to people. It disrupted their minds because these things just do not happen. This is a safe community. And even afterwards, you know how it goes. I am still struggling now, but there are so many supportive people around. Yet, after a while, you really want to feel safe and be near someone and just hug them, like as a source of security, and I do not have that in my life right now. Erasing awareness and cultivating denial are often essential to survival, but the price is that you lose track of who you are, of what you are feeling, and of what and whom you can trust. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 6

Trauma is not stored as a narrative with an orderly beginning, middle, and end. Flashback of being choked while I was driving and unable to breathe, or getting held from behind while someone hit me in the head, or being pushed to the floor, after I told my friend I wanted to go home, or even just trying to enjoy a concert and being pushed by a reporter named Carlos, who claimed he could not see leaves a person not feeling safe to really go anywhere. Experiences, isolated images, sounds, and body sensations start to have no context other than fear and panic. However, people are listening, and I do not want to upset anyone, I really want this situation resolved so I can move on with my life. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 6

I am thankful for all of the support that has been offered to me and all the kind things you all say and how supportive and protective y’all are. I am so grateful for that. This support has exemplified the power of the life force, and it really gives a person the will to live and to know that it gets better. The only thing that makes it possible to heal from trauma is just learning to love yourself and be thankful for who you are and the people around you who do care. One of my biggest things is to look for things I like and smile often so the good energy stays in my body and goes out to others, and to laugh often. I have to admit, I really think Paris Hilton and 2 Broke Girls saved my life. Paris has been through it and 2 Broke Girls kept me laughing through my dark nights, when no one was around. I feel like I am almost out of the blackhole and something good is going to happen. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 6

Oh, God (Allah, Jehovah, LORD Almighty) to thee my heart I bow with bended knee, as failing quite in contemplating thee. One the long voyage of our life, every step is a test. However, making clear of one’s direction and aim, knowing one’s potentiality and stepping forward resolutely are more important. It is not the setback that is dreadful, but the despair in failure and repentance. All can start anew, and hope is just a head. The youthful heart belongs to you. New love is brightest, and long love is great; but revived love is the tenderest thing known on the Earth. (www.thedeedle.com) #RyanPhillippe 6 of 6

I want to challenge you to think about and see the World in a more beneficial and flexible way. Everything seems the same, the faces, the clothes. However, it is your familiar eyes and voice that drives us to come back to these beautiful Summer days. How immensely I miss you. Always there in my heart is the gaze at me from your glittering eyes like water from two clear springs running in my heart. I was trained to take care of the needs of grown-up, insecure men. However, I trust you enough to tell you that some of these comments make me feel horrible. Yes, it is true; I instinctively blame myself for everything bad that happens to the people around me. I know that is irrational, and I feel really dumb for feeling this way, but I do. When you try to talk me into being more reasonable, I only feel even more lonely and isolated—and it confirms the feeling that nobody in the whole World will ever understand what it feels like to be me. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 8

For instance, it is my fault that your coworker is miserable. He wanted a son, but has a daughter and blames me for his disposition. So to release his anger, he sometimes pretends to be you to win the admiration a young man feels towards his father, and other times he is quite rude to me and likes to stir up bad memories because he is unhappy with his situation. Somehow, I am to blame for things that have happened in the lives of other, even though I did not know them at the time, and forget the fact that they are adults and capable of making their own decisions. I pray to God every night to bless of and forgive me for making these people’s lives so horrible by making the best out of the relationship with my family, family, and the life and circumstances God has blessed me with. I am truly sorry that I have so much to be thankful for and at the bottom of my heart am happy. I know with everyone else being so miserable and in so much pain, I should feel guilty for being happy and being alive. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 8

So, if I feel like I do not belong, it is not because I think I am out of place, it is because I see so many miserable people and I feel like I stand out because I love my life and feel good. Research has shown that our earliest caregivers do not only feed us, dress us, and comfort us when we are upset; they shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality. Our interactions with our caregivers convey what is safe and what is dangerous: whom we can count on and who will let us down; what we require to do and get out needs met. This information is embodied in the matter of our brain circuitry and forms the template of how we think of ourselves and the World around us. These inner maps are remarkably stable across time. I am sorry that I grew up in a happy household and got to know myself and did not rush into marriage because it was the thing to do. I am sorry that I remained celibate and did not spread my legs and have children to fit in. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 8

Yes, I have a sense of freedom that many of you will never experience because you are not honest with yourself and do not take accountability for your own actions. This does not mean, however, that the map of your lives cannot be modified by experience. A deep love relationship, particularly during adolescence, when the brain once again goes through a period of exponential change, truly can transform us. I felt accepted growing up, lived in a nice house, in a nice community and have loving friends. You have children and that is wonderful, the birth or a child is a great thing because often babies teach us how to love. Adults who were abused or neglected as children can still learn the beauty of intimacy and mutual trust or have a deep spiritual experience that opens them to a larger Universe. If your adult life is rerouted into terror or despair, these responses are not reasonable and therefore cannot be changed simply by reframing irrational beliefs. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 8

Our maps of the World are encoded in the emotional brain, and changing them means having to recognize that part of the central nervous system. The night sea journey is the journey into parts of ourselves that are split off, disavowed, unknown, unwanted, cast out, and exiled to the various subterranean World of consciousness…The goal of this journey in the White Squall is for our Albatross to reunite us with ourselves. Such a homecoming can be surprisingly painful, even brutal. In order to undertake it, we must first agree to exile nothing. People often discover that their assumptions are not the same as those of their friends. If they are lucky, their friends and colleagues will tell them in words, rather than in actions, that their distrust and self-hatred make collaboration difficult. However, that rarely happens. What is it that you want from me, how can I help you feel better? #RyanPhillippe 5 of 8

After Justin was assaulted by his girlfriend for no reason, he had absolutely no interest in working things out, and she lost both his friendship and her favorite tennis partner. It is important for people like Justin’s former girlfriend to be smart and courageous, and maintain her curiosity and determination in face of repeated defeats and start looking for help. Generally, the rational brain can override the emotional brain, as long as our fears do not hijack us. However, the moment we feel trapped, enraged, or rejected, we are vulnerable to activating old maps and to follow their direction. Change begins when we learn to own our emotional brains. That means learning to observe and tolerate heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation. Only after learning to bear what is going on inside can we start to befriend, rather than obliterate, the emotions that keep our maps fixed and immutable. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 8

After many years of working with adults who have experienced past traumas, I have learned that it is never really possible to wrap up the trauma work and then move on to dealing with relationships. It is more productive to determine how everything is related and then to address all aspects of the trauma’s legacy, including its effect on creating healthy intimacy. You cannot keep blaming other people for your problems and attacking them, your life will only become more depressed. You have to be honest and stop lying to yourself and realize you are the architect for your own unhappiness. You did a lot of shady things to innocent people to get where you are today, particularly to one family, and now you are being haunted by the demons you created. You know, the Devil has power and he can make your life amazing, but after he is done with you, your life will be worse than before.  #RyanPhillippe 7 of 8

Raising your awareness is the first tool you need to open your heart and tame the runway distant part of yourself. Think of awareness as a very active process of change rather than just a reminder to pay attention. Simply becoming aware—fully conscious—can radically change your capacity to give and receive love. Awareness, at the deepest level, means a willingness to change your whole life. Leave loneliness behind and discover lasting love. Some of you may want to be adored by your father, or have a grown son, but are not at that place right now, and this is why you have friends. Men can bond with other men and fulfill the type of intimate relationships that they want, but you have to be secure about who you are as a person. Become aware of the fears, anxieties, and losses that you have been trying unsuccessfully to bury. (www.thedeedle.com) #RyanPhillippe 8 of 8

Sometimes people express their conflicts by losing function in some part of their body. Many soldiers often suffer paralysis that cannot be traces to physical injuries, and some even suffer from cases of hysterical blindness. This is usually because the immune system becomes oversensitive to threat, so it is prone to mount a defense when none is required, even when this means attacking the body’s own cells because some people have a problem distinguishing between danger and safety. This means that the imprint of past trauma does not consist only of distorted perceptions of information coming from the outside; the organism itself also has a problem knowing how to feel safe. The past is impressed not only on their minds, and in misinterpretations of innocuous even, but also on the very core of their beings. Some victims of abuse will wake up and attack their boyfriends in the middle of the night for no reason. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

As children, we start off at the center or our own Universe, where we interpret everything that happens from an egocentric vantage point. If our parents or grandparents keep telling us we are the cutest, most delicious thing in the World, we do not question their judgment—w must be exactly that. And deep down, no matter what else we learn about ourselves, we will carry that sense with us: that we are basically adorable. As a result, if we later hook up with somebody who treats us badly, we will be outraged. It will not feel right: It is not familiar; it is not like normal. However, if we are abused or ignored in childhood, or grow up in a family where sexuality is treated with disgust, our inner map contains a different message. Our sense of our self is marked by contempt and humiliation, and we are more likely to thin he (or she) has my number and fail to protest if we are mistreated. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

Sometimes people who have not the best childhoods let their growing pains shape their view of every relationship, and they are convinced that me do not give a damn about other people’s feeling and that they go away with whatever they wanted. Women could not be trusted either. They were too weak to stand up for themselves, and they would sell their bodies to get men to take care of them. If you were in trouble, they would not lift a finger to help you. This Worldview manifested itself in the way some approach their colleagues at work: They are suspicious of the motives of anyone who are kind to them and call them on the slightest deviation from the regulations that are supposed to be taken. As a result, these types of people see themselves as a bad seed, a fundamentally toxic person who made bad things happen to those around them. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

This one man told stories of self-hatred and the layers were thick. This is quite common with severely depressed people, quite difficult to penetrate. This man retired several years ago because of a back injury and was angry with himself because his life had become a mess. In addition, he had a few health problems, including ongoing difficulties with his back, that caused him some worry and intermittent pain. Justin was convinced that he was so loathsome and burdensome to others that the best solution was for all concerned to make himself pass away, and he resisted any attempt to convince himself otherwise. Justin nearly succeeded in doing himself in. Apparently, he left the house with several bottles of pills and checked in to a nearby hotel. Interestingly enough, however, he called his son just before he was about to down the pills, ostensibly to say good-bye. However, his son managed to convince him to stop and then drove to the hotel to get him. This gesture seemed more like a cry for help than a serious attempt. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

This was both physical and emotional trauma for Justin, and the emotional scars of what he was going through was far more serious than the metaphorical scar left on his heart. Having regained his physical and psychological strength in the hospital, he left deserted and very lonely when he returned to his house. A special problem in cases of chronic disability is the lack of contact with friend and neighbors—sometimes also with children. The intervals between visits become stretched and finally the contact ceases entirely….Time gets long, an feelings of loneliness and even of desertedness may present themselves. And the failure to return to work will itself often lead to increased social isolation, loneliness, and depression—all of which are quite certain to affect the heart adversely. The problems caused by this new type of loneliness may officially be lethal. So enjoy the people in your life and be thankful. (www.thedeedle.com) #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5

First of all, it must be said that it is useless to question savages as to the real motivation of their prohibitions or as to the genesis of unmentionable. According to our assumption, they must be incapable of telling anything about it since this motivation is “unconscious” to them. Taboos are very ancient prohibitions which at one time were forced upon a generation of primitive people from without, that is, they were probably forcibly impressed upon them by an earlier generation. It must naturally be clearly understood that many of the taboo prohibitions are displaced and distorted, so that we shall have to be satisfied if we can shed some light upon the earliest and important skin colour prohibition. We must also remember that the differences in the situation of the savage and of the neurotic may be important enough to exclude complete correspondence and prevent a point by point transfer from one to the other such as would be possible if we were dealing with exact copies.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 11

I caught the whiff of a dead slave hanging from a tree, a couple of miles back. You are not only losing valuables human capital by hangings, you are having uprisings, slaves are running away, your crops are sometimes left in the fields too long for maximum profit, you suffer occasional fires, and your animals are killed, said Willie Lynch, a British slave owner at the bank of the James River in the colony of Virginia in 1712. To control the slaves, Willie Lynch also divided them by skin colour, so darker slaves would distrust the lighter one and envy them, but love and respect and trust the white slave owner only. This method worked intensively for years and slaves themselves remained perpetually distrustful of each other and would gang up and form teams to take down slaves who seemed to have favor or were doing well so the master would kill that slave and use his blood in rituals, hair to make dolls, skin for boots, and body to be used as hog feed or food during harsh Winters and Summers. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 11

These prohibitions concerned actions for which there existed a strong desire. The prohibitions maintained themselves from generation to generation, perhaps only as the result of a tradition set up by paternal and social authority. However, in later generations they have perhaps already become organized as a piece of inherited psychic property. In later generations, even in 2016, people are distrustful not based on character, but skin color. Whether there are such innate ideas or whether these have been brought about the fixation of the taboo by themselves or by co-operating with education no one could decide in the particular case in question. The persistence of a taboo teaches, however, one thing, namely, that the original pleasure to do the forbidden still continues among taboo races. They therefore assume an ambivalent attitude toward their taboo prohibitions; in their unconscious they would like nothing better than to transgress them, but they are also afraid to do it.  #RyanPhillippe 3 of 11

People are just as afraid because they would like to transgress, and play in the snow, taste some chocolate, have a slice of caramel, or whatever you call it these days, and the fear is stronger than the pleasure, so these people have a desire to express themselves and because they are scared, they demonize people who have a different skin color. Some of the demonization is political, but all of it is illegal. For instance, you may have a white manager who claims she does not like white people, and bends the rules for the darker blacks and shows a preference for them, but in reality, she is one of the most racist people you would ever dream of meeting, but she is being paid by a special interest group to keep these modern slaves in conflict and make them fight, annoy, and harass them white people and their offspring, in an attempt to get whites to flee the area, reducing property values and expanding the urban ghetto. It is called rewildinging, which is the reverse of gentrification. Gentrification is when the wealthy move into poor neighborhoods and fix them up, which raises proper values, but forces the poor renters to relocate. However, in every individual race the desire for it is unconscious, just as neurotic. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 11

When moving to a new city or new community, most people tend to prefer neighborhoods that high a high population of working whites or an international community. That is because white professionals tend to care about economics and appears. Therefore, they keep them houses clean and their yards spotless, their children are generally well behaved and are never seen in the front yard, they are always at the park, in the backyard or doing school work in the house. The same generally goes for international communities. Conversely, many non-white neighborhoods are not generally liked. I know you have heard poor black people even say, “I want to move to the white neighborhood, it is too many black or Mexicans people over here. They are hella loud and ghetto. I do not feel safe.” Or “Them Asian people are racist, and they look at me funny. I am scared they might steal parts off my car or eat the cats and dogs.” #RyanPhillippe 5 of 11

The oldest and most important taboo prohibitions are the two basic laws of totemism: namely, not to kill the totem animal, and to avoid sexual intercourse with totem companions of the other sex. The very wording of these taboos and the fact that they occur are true and I know you have heard these exact things before. This basis of taboo is a forbidden action which there exists a strong inclination in the unconscious. We know, without understanding it, that whoever does what is prohibited and violates the taboo, becomes himself a taboo. For instance, the chocolate complexion black guy that hangs out with his new white neighbor is now seen as whites are being white chocolate. And the blacks tease the other black guy, who has a white friend and says he is trying to be white or smells like a wet dog. Whereas both sides tend to be hostile to the mulatto (combination of black and white), and they agree he is trying to be white, or some whites say he is denying being white. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 11

An individual, who has violated a taboo, becomes himself a taboo because he has the dangerous property of tempting others to follow his example. He arouses envy; why should he be allowed to do what is prohibited to others? He is therefore really contagious and has jungle fever, in so far as every example incites to imitation and, therefore, he himself must avoided. He and his half breed children are in a condition which has the property of enticing and inciting the forbidden desires of awakening the ambivalent conflict in them. Most of the exceptional positions and conditions have this character and possess this dangerous power. Much like people fear blonde women, with light skin because they represent the white woman coming to steal your man, and no one can resist her long golden hair, delicate blue eyes, fashionable flat butt, which makes her long legs seem to go all the way up to her neck, and with those stilettos on, you know she is going to steal you man, and put him in a trance he cannot escape from.  #RyanPhillippe 7 of 11

As a result, the king or chieftain arouses envy of his prerogatives (privileges); everybody would perhaps like to be king. The dead, the newly born, and women when they are incapacitated, all act as incitements because of their peculiar helplessness, while the individual who has just reached sexual maturity tempts through the promise of a new pleasure. Therefore, all these personas and all these conditions are taboo, for one must not yield to the temptations which they offer. If you have no internal sense of control or security, it is difficult to distinguish between safety and danger. If you feel chronically numbed out, potentially dangerous situations makes you feel alike. The taboo of the king is too strong for his subjects because the social difference between them is too great. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 11

If you conclude that you must be a terrible person (because why else would your parents have treated you that way?), you start expecting other people to treat you horribly. You probably deserve it, and anyway there is nothing you can do about it. When disorganized people carry self-perceptions like these, they are set up to be traumatized by subsequent events. The most reasonable explanation is that their upbringing had left them with a vulnerable physiology, making it difficult for them to regain their equilibrium after being violated. Similar vulnerability has been found in children of pregnant women who were in the World Trade Center that fatal day in 2001. Similarly, the reactions of children to painful events are largely determined by how calm or stressed their parents are. #RyanPhillippe 9 of 11

The chairman of the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at New York University, my friend Glenn Saxe, explained that when children were hospitalized for treatment of severe burns, the development of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) could be predicted by how safe they felt with their mothers. The security of their attachment to their mothers (2 Broke Girls) predicted the amount of morphine that was required to control their pan—the more secure the attackment, the less painkiller was needed. We are still removing soot from his toenails. However, the minister can moderate the envy of the king by taking into consideration the power that has been granted him. Nonetheless, it was discovered that the minister of the mayor (Kevin Maurice Johnson) was actually a key figure in demonizing the king and his family. #RyanPhillippe 10 of 11

Keep in mind, God (Allah, Jehovah, LORD) can do more for us than anything we are feeling at any given moment. And there is a way to root our lives in the truth of God’s love, even when our feeling and emotions are telling us something different. Set God free to do the things that only He can do. You will find less reason to work. Whatever God leads you to undertake, even if it were something that stretches you beyond your capabilities, just know God will come through for you. There is no place, no matter how alone we may feel, that God (Allah, LORD, Jehovah) cannot be. He is everywhere. He knows everything. God knows how afraid we are, how bad we feel, and what scares us. The more worried we become, the more we act as if God were ignorant of our situation. We do not know the future, but God does; and He knows our requirements. (www.thedeedle.com). #RyanPhillippe 11 of 11

He cannot be happy who involuntarily is bound either to work, or starve; and yet he may be said to be happier whose daily labor supplies his daily want than one obligated to want for years together. Conscientious parents often become alarmed when they discover attachment research, worrying that their occasional impatience or their ordinary lapses in attunement may permanently damage their kids. In real life there are bound to be misunderstandings, inept responses, and failures of communication. Because mothers and fathers miss cues or are simply preoccupied with other matters, infants are frequently left to their own devices to discover how they can calm themselves down. Within limits this is not a problem. Kids are required to learn to handle frustrations and disappointments. With good enough caregivers, child(ren) learn that broken connections can be repaired. The critical issues is whether they can incorporate a feeling of being viscerally safe with their parents or other caregivers.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 9

Knowledge is the best riches that a man can possess. Without it, he is a brute; with it, he is a God. However, like happiness, he often purses it without finding it; or, at beast, obtain of it but an imperfect glimpse. It is not that the road to it is either dark or difficult, but that he takes a wrong one; or if he enters on the right, he does so unprepared for the journey. In a study of attachment patters in over two thousand infants in normal middle-class environments, 62 percent were found to be secure, 15 percent avoidant, and 9 percent anxious (also known as ambivalent), and 15 percent disorganized. Interestingly, this large study showed that the child’s gender and basic temperament have little effect on attachment styles; for instance, children with difficult temperaments are not more likely to be disorganized, with parents severely stressed by economic and family instability. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 9

Traditional methods for alleviating distress—including traditional medical approaches—do not seem viable for large numbers of people. Several years ago, while describing the effects of human contact on the heart to a group of graduate psychology students, I mentioned that a gentle human hug from someone you are affectionate with and has kind feelings towards you slows the heart rate of a human. In the ensuing discussion, one of the students stressed the need to separate the effects of my hugging the young man from mere tactile stimulation. “Is it,” he asked, “your hugs that is causing the slowing of his heart rate, or is it merely tactile contact on the person’s head?” This question was undoubtedly important, but, before the comment could be answered, the students began debating how they might be able to adequately explore the problem. One suggested that they way to test this question would be to develop a virtual family. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 9

The best experimental control would could develop was an interactive TV that could see both way, and an environment with cameras so the virtual family could always watch the test subject. The seriousness with which this suggestion was made, as well as the imagery it conjured up, gave me pause. One can only wonder how perplexed a person would be if a virtual family quietly slipped into a room to hug him or pet him on the head! Because of the virtual relationship, love and human companionship are now constantly equated with things, and endless variety of commercial products promise relief from loneliness. For instance, a recent television commercial for a particular brand of coffee depicted an attractive you man, who had recently moved into a new neighborhood and was greatly anxious to meet his new neighbor. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 9

Finally, someone rings his door bell; it was the next door neighbor. Thank God he just happens to be brewing coffee, because if he were not, the neighbor just might go away and never come back. If coffee can help fill the void of loneliness, then why not buy it?  It is interesting to note the extent to which commercial television also suggest the opposite point of view, that social interactions are usually very unpleasant experiences. Viewers are left convinced that the only thing that can protect them from other assaultive human beings is their particular product. Thus, if you invite people to your house, they will tell you that your house has peculiar odors, your floor is yellow, your breath smells, your collar is dirty, or your underarms are offensive. You are left convinced that you are living in a cesspool…either buy the products or avoid other people! #RyanPhillippe 5 of 9

Many laugh at educated adults who pay large sums to go and play youthful games of touch and hug in scientific institutes, and several fail to see the signs. The programming of human concerns has produced the central hope of emergence that there is a promise to deliver love through soaps, toothpastes, toothbrushes, aspirins, or automobiles, or to alleviate loneliness through coffee, health tonics, or tap water. However, scientific institutes sell another product—objective knowledge—that can actually deliver love and cure loneliness through monogamous and accommodating human interaction in reality. Scientist has legitimized human intimacy and have legitimized behaviors like hugging. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 9

Children who do not feel safe in infancy have trouble regulating their moods and emotional responses as they grow older. By kindergarten, many disorganized infants are either aggressive or spaced out and disengaged, and they go on to develop a range of psychiatric problems, likely because they make good soft targets seeing as they are so isolated and uncared for. These children also show more psychological stress, as expressed in heart rate, heart variability, stress hormone responses, and lowered immune factors. Does this kind of biological dysregulation automatically reset to normal as a child matures or is moved to a safe environment? So far as we know, it is possible. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 9

Quite apart from this movement to get people literally to hug and touch other adults, universities and scientific institutes all over the country are now engaged in an astounding variety of group therapies, group encounters, marathons, sensitivity groups, family therapy, and so on—again, all designed to get people in touch with one another. It is almost as if were trapped on the Moon and cannot see anyone around us, with a thousand flippers selling different “scientific” remedies.  For many people, meeting with an individual or individuals they like and can have an intelligent in depth discussion with and close with a hug, provides therapeutic and an exclusive encounter for human relationships and emotional relief from a pervasive, overwhelming loneliness. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 9

Some people believe that their childhood has no bearings on their present situation. However, it is sometime helpful in revealing the roots of anger to look at a person’s childhood. One of my friends was enraged because his father betrayed him constantly, and his mother who essentially ignored him in favor of his older brother. Instead of expressing his anger outwardly, eh had dealt with the situation by becoming obsessed with winning awards, people’s approval, while inwardly feeling that he was totally inadequate, in competent, and incomplete and to blame for his parents’ unloving behavior—in other words, by turning his anger against himself. God (Jehovah, Allah) is great good, and present. God lifts my spirit in adoration, devotion, and reverence. Let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (www.thedeedle.com)  #RyanPhillippe 9 of 9

Often there is a particular core story that has tremendous energy and tenacity, the one around which many people have used to construct their identity. This story as a high-pressure ridge, in a sense that it holds the self-concept together. Although everyone has their own unique version, common core stories include: I am not good enough. I do not deserve to be loved. I am all alone, there is no one there for me. It is not safe for me to be myself. With events like the shooting at the nightclub in Orlando, Florida USA, where 50 were killed and about 50 more injured, and the riot at the State Capitol on 26 June 2016, left 10 people with stab wounds and many others with serious injuries, and the suicide bomb attacks in Istanbul, Turkey at an airport killing 36 and wounding 147 others on 28 June 2016, these are valid concerns. Many people fear feeling emptiness emotionally because they imagine it to be a deficiency or lack of some kind. Children have a biological instinct to attach—they have no choice. Whether their parents or caregivers are loving and caring or distant, insensitive, rejecting, or abusive, children will develop a coping style based on their attempt to get at least some of their requirements met. The discursive mind is afraid of anything that does not fit its accustomed conceptual categories—afraid, in other words, of the unknown in any form—and works quite hard to create a consistent, familiar worldview that it can project onto the unknown. Emptiness, of course, is alien to the mind, and therefore very threatening. In a sense, the entire inner life is a defense against experiencing our inherent emptiness, which is actually our oneness with all of life.   

Some children and infants deal with anxiety either by becoming chronically upset and demanding, while others become more passive and withdrawn. In the avoidant attachment model, the infants look like nothing really bothers them—they do not cry when their primary caregiver goes away and they ignore when that individual comes back. However, this does not mean that they are unaffected. They are dealing, but not feeling. In fact, their chronically increased heart rate shows that they are in a constant state of hyperarousal. Parents with avoidant infants seems to dislike touching their children. They have trouble snuggling and holding them, and they do not use facial expressions and voices to create pleasurable connections with their babies. Conversely, children who are anxiously attached to their parents, these infants constantly draw attention to themselves by crying, yelling, clinging or screaming: They are feeling, but not dealing. They seem to have concluded that unless they make a spectacle, nobody is going to pay attention to them. These infants become enormously upset when they do not know where their parents are and derive little comfort when the caregiver returns. And even though these infants do not seem to enjoy the company from their parents, they stay passively or angrily focused on them, even in situations when other children would rather play. Different styles of attachment work for different children. The child uses the best strategy they can find to elicit help from their caregiver. Some babies are more liked than others, so they may be able to act up and know the parent will still come around and actually punish this parent by being mean, even after being comforted.

Other children know they are not really prize child and perhaps sense their parents’ feelings towards them and so they deal with being left out and take whatever attention they can get. In infants who encounter a consistent pattern of care—even if marked by emotional distance or insensitivity—can adapt to maintain the relationship. This does not mean that there are no problems: Attachment patterns often persist into adulthood. Anxious toddlers tend to grow into anxious adults, while avoidant toddlers are likely to become adults who are out of touch with their own feelings and those of others. In school avoidant children are likely to bully other kids, while the anxious children are often their victims. However, development is not linear, and many life experiences can intervene to change these out comes. Some people may experience this emptiness, this groundlessness, this open, spacious freedom as rather surprising and liberating, rather than constituting a deficiency, this so-called emptiness with a different conceptual filter, is actually wholeness, our fullness, our completeness. It turns out that nothing is missing, left out, or problematic; there is no place to go, nothing to achieve, and no problem to resolve.  In fact, when you realize you get everything you require out of life, one experiences a deep peace and unaccountable joy—as well as, as times by laughter, relief, gratitude, and other similar emotions—and they can be profoundly and lastingly transformative. However, there is another group that is less stably adapted, a group that makes up the bulk of people out in society causing havoc and evil, and no matter what you say to them they just do not seems to understand what they are doing is wrong, until they finally do something so bad that they get a serious punishment. Whereas some children cannot relate to their caregivers because their caregivers are a source of distress or terror. 

When children have horrible caregivers who terrorize them, if then times the child has no one to turn to, and they are faces with an unsolvable dilemma; their caretakers are simultaneously necessary for survival and a source of fear. They can neither approach (the secure and ambivalent strategies), shift their attention (the avoidant strategy), nor flee. If you observe such children in a nursery school or attachment laboratory, you see them look toward their parent when they enter the room and then quickly turn away. Unable to choose between seeking closeness and avoiding the parent, they may rock on their hands and knees, appear to go into a trance, freeze with their arms raised, or get up to greet their parent and then fall to the ground. Not knowing who is safe or whole they belong to; they may be intensely affectionate with strangers or may trust nobody. This is called disorganized attachment. Disorganized attachment is fright without solution. Here are some critical deconstructions one may want to consider when dealing with traumatized children or adults: Is this story, belief, or cognition true? Can you absolutely know that it is true? How do you react when you think that thought [i.e., hold that story or belief]? Who would you be without it? It can be a powerful moment when one stops to ask these questions with an innocent mind, open to the possibility of seeing themselves and their life in an entirely new way.   

Once one deeply quarries some cherished and usually painfully self-defeating story or beliefs, there may be the sudden recognition that it might not be true after all—and, even more revealing, that at some level they always knew it to be untrue! Once you recognize the cognition or story that causes you suffering, you are one step closer to questioning its validity. Remember that answering no to the question “Can you really know that it is true?” does not necessarily mean that you now see it as false, it merely means that you accept that you cannot really know for sure. In this way, living in not-knowing, in a present-centered reality allows you to remain relatively free of preconceptions and expectations. And the various beliefs and stories that comprise the self and World construct system are discovered to have dubious validity at best, the entire structure gradually begins to crumble, revealing huge spaces or gaps—the emptiness we talked about earlier. Eventually the self and World construct system may even fall away entirely, an experience of complete freedom that is the ridge of high pressure collapsing.  It is equally clear how the violation of certain taboo prohibitions becomes a social danger which must be punished or expiated by all the members of society least it harms them all. This danger really exists if we substitute the known impulses for the unconscious desires. It consists in the possibility of imitation, as a result of which society would seem be dissolved. If the others did not punish the violation, they would perforce become aware that they want to imitate the evil doer.