Life is Not Just a Rose Garden—It Can be a Crown of Thorns as Well!

Mental health needs a great deal of attention. It is the final taboo and it needs to be faced and dealt with. A healthy mental state will help one leverage one’s everyday power to achieve the success one seeks and live a purposeful life. A personality disorder is an enduring and stable pattern of behaviour and cognition that deviates from normative standards and expectations in one’s culture. This pattern of behaviour and experience has its onset during adolescence or early adulthood, and leads to tangible distress and impairment. Most people who exhibit personality disorders by definition have interpersonal problems. The criteria for a personality disorder includes: manifestation of stable and enduring problematic behaviours and experiences in at least two of the following domains: cognition, affectivity, interpersonal functioning, and impulse control. The enduring pattern must be pervasive and inflexible across a variety of social situations, and it must lead to impairment or distress in social or occupational areas of functioning. The concept of functional inflexibility implies that the individua relates to others, expressed feelings, and resolves conflicts in a rigid fashion, with tactics that are often ill suited for the situation at hand. However, estimates of the prevalence of personality disorders in the general population are sometimes scarce as it is still considered a new science. It is estimated that the prevalence of historical personality disorder in the general populations is at 2.2 percent. In a college student population, the prevalence of histrionic personality disorder may be as high as 6 percent. Considering the fact that there are over a dozen personality disorders, it is clear that personality disorders collectively are common in the general population, with lifetime prevalence estimates on the order of 10-13 percent. #RandolphHarris 1 of 20

Like many other psychological problems, most personality disorders are associated with problematic interpersonal relationships, virtually by definition. Some of the most striking evidence of interpersonal disruption appears in the domain of family-of-origin experiences. Themes of parental abuse, insecure attachment, excessive parental attention, parental overinvolvement, and family chaos are rampant in the literature on personality disorders. Some have theorized that these early interpersonal experiences play a significant role in the pathogenesis of these disorders. Existing research indicates that when these persons do marry or form stable romantic relationships, their relationships are characterized by distress and dissatisfaction. Interpersonal problems are not just confined to the various family relationships, but also extended into the domain of general personal relationships. Many people with personality disorders have stormy and unstable personal relationship. They often elicit interpersonal rejection, and experience conflict with others and loneliness. In the area of interpersonal communication, there is a tendency for people with certain types of personality disorders to use communication with others for the function of seeking attention. A powerfully complicating factor in the personality disorder is their high comorbidity with other psychosocial problems. Research studies have revealed alarmingly high rates of such problems as depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, substance use disorders, and somatoform disorders among people with personality disorders. Currently, 10 different personality disorders (plus the residual category of personality disorders not otherwise specified) are formally recognized. #RandolphHarris 2 of 20

One useful way to organize, describe, and map the personality disorders is with an interpersonal circumplex, using the dimensions of dominant-submissive and hostile-nurturant. For example, those with dependent personality disorder are situated in the dominant and hostile quadrant. The majority of the personality disorders fall into the hostile half of the circumplex. Although personality disorders have interpersonal implications and ramification, the disorders projected toward the outer edge of the circumplex, such as dependent, narcissistic, and histrionic, have more evident interpersonal implications. It may be unwise to think about something like histrionic personality disorder as a disease entity, in the same way that one thinks about Parkinson’s disease or bulimia nervosa. Rather a personality disorder may be more like high blood pressure—an exaggerated version of a normal phenomenon, with little more than an arbitrary “cutoff point” at which normal becomes viewed as pathological. Borderline personality disorder (hereafter abbreviated as BPD) is the most frequently diagnosed of the personality disorder. Approximately 15-25 percent of psychiatric inpatients and outpatients carry this diagnosis. Its principal features involve instability of interpersonal relationships, affect, and self-image. People with BPD exhibit intense and variable mood, ranging from irritability to euphoria to impulsive anger and even self-destructive behaviour. This moodiness is combined with more generally aberrant and aloof behaviour, a dissociated self-image, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, impulsivity, suicidal behaviour and threats, feelings of emptiness, problems with anger control, and occasional paranoid ideation. There is a morbid fear of abandonment and a wish for protective nurturance. #RandolphHarris 3 of 20

The characteristic desire of a person with BPD to fuse with another person for emotional support is a sign of ego weakness and identity disturbance. It is not surprising that BPD is highly comorbid with depression. It is tautological to assert that this disorder has negative interpersonal implications and consequences. Many borderline symptoms are seen as arising primarily within the context of a relationship, where the involvement of another person is the arena in which an essential component of the patient’s psychopathology emerges. Indeed, research on BPD indicates a pervasive pattern of interpersonal problems in both adulthood and childhood. It should be obvious to even the casual observer that people with BPD have a long history of interpersonal problems both professionally and socially, and close relationships that may best be characterized as stormy. Symptoms of BPD are absolutely associated with social conflict and feelings of loneliness. Symptoms of the disorder are also associated with endorsing a ludus (game-playing) and mania (manic, possessive) love style. Accordingly, persons with BPD are less likely to find themselves in loving relationships. Individuals with BPD experience a great deal of interpersonal problems and distress. These individuals have excessive interpersonal dependency needs, which make them particularly vulnerable to interpersonal losses. On the other hand, they employ manipulative tactics that often result in agitation and rejection from others. Thus person with BPD tend to sabotage the very relationships that they so badly need. This phenomenon may be a consequence of their problems with distance regulations. According to this hypothesis, whenever patients with BPD move close to or away from other people, they receive negative feedback. #RandolphHarris 4 of 20

Consequently, these patients oscillate between attachment and avoidance. Sadly, people with BPD rarely learn from their interpersonal experiences and often recreate their problems as they move from one relationship to another. A major component in the interpersonal distress produced and experienced by persons with BPD is emotion dysregulation. As noted above, anxiety about abandonment, excessive anger, and a reactive mood are all problems associated with this disorder. When compared to people with bipolar disorder and unipolar depression, those with BPD indicated substantially more hostility in their past and resent relationships—in terms of both sending and receiving hostility. In a unique study of facial expression recognition, people with BPD performed as well as healthy controls and controls with a history of sexual abuse, with the exception of a tendency to overidentify fearful expressions. This suggests that BPD is associated with a hypersensitivity or readiness to identify fear in others, which could increase these individuals’ own experience of fear in interpersonal context. Like those with any of several other mental health problems, people with BPD elicit interpersonal rejection from others. To give an idea of how potent this rejection effect is, it was compared to interpersonal reactions to BPD and narcissistic personality disorder—an intensely annoying syndrome. Other people felt that the subjects with BPD were more unstable of the two groups. It was concluded that the interpersonal consequences of BPD are even more negative than those associated with narcissistic personality disorder. Given the preponderance of interpersonal conflict, emotional lability, and oscillation between attachment and avoidance, it is little wonder that those with BPD create such negative interpersonal impressions. #RandolphHarris 5 of 20

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Experiences in the family of origin have been a focal point in the interpersonal research of BPD. Poor maternal and paternal caring, to the point of neglect, in the family or origin are common themes among those with BPD. This lack of parental caring is coupled with a greater overprotectiveness, similar to that reported by other psychiatric groups. Another family-of-origin phenomenon is the perception by the patients with BPD that their mothers were autonomous and hostile toward them. This perceived hostility also spills over to perceptions of current relationships with, for example, other patients and hospital staff A similar theme is evident. Patients with BPD also rated their fathers and mothers as attacking and rejecting. However, these patients also indicated that they too were attacking and rejecting toward their parents. This illustrates how the antecedent to conflictual adult personal relationships clearly have their origins in adolescent, if not preadolescent relationships. Themes of separation and loss in the family or origin are common in BPD. Predisposition to BPD is especially pronounced when this loss is due to the separation or divorce rather than to death of a parent. Of course, parental conflict would also be exaggerated in such cases, and itself may contribute to the development of symptoms. In any event, such early losses predispose a child to insecure attachment, and explain the clinging attachment and fear of abandonment that are so evident in adults with BPD. Evidence of sexual abuse in the history of many individuals with BPD indicates noxious boundary violations in the family or origin. A history of incest was evident in 19 percent and 35 percent of the cases in two samples of patients with BPD. #RandolphHarris 6 of 20

However, the broader category of “childhood sexual abuse” is estimated to have occurred in about 70 percent of all patients with BPD. The impact of such traumatic interpersonal behaviour in a more general context appears to play some role in the disorder. Where there is sexual abuse in the family context, significant family dysfunction almost surely coexists with the behaviour. However, some wonder whether it is the abuse per se that contributes to the disorder or the malevolent family environment that tolerates and perhaps even encourages such conduct. Findings such as these have led to the hypothesis that those with BPD tend to internalize abandoning, neglectful, and abusive childhood relationships in such a way as to promote self-abandonment and attack in adulthood. The parents of people with BPD appear to have psychosocial disturbances of their own that interfere with effective parenting. It is often the case that these problems are evident in both parents—a phenomenon characterized as “biparental failure.” In a study of 30 women with BPD and their 60 parents, both patents had an Axis I or Axis II diagnosis in 73 percent of the families. Even 60 percent of their grandparents had psychiatric disorders, particularly substance use or mood disorders. A similar analysis of first-degree relatives of patients with BPD revealed that 18 percent of these relatives had BPD, 10 percent had antisocial personality disorder, 25 percent had a mood disorder, and about 25 percent had a substance use disorder. These staggering rates of parental psychopathology are consistent with the hypothesis that links disturbed and ineffective parenting to the development of BPD. At the same time, these findings could be interpreted as support for a genetic component in the parental transmission of the disorder. #RandolphHarris 7 of 20

The exact and relative contributions from genes and family environment remain to be established by future research. For the time being, it is apparent that mental health is far more likely to be impaired among parents of individuals with BPD than among parents in the general population. Undoubtedly, this at least has the potential to interfere with effective parenting and care. There are four family-of-origin processes that lead to the development of BPD. The first is family chaos, involving fights, affairs, intoxication, trouble with the law, and suicide attempts. This family dynamic creates a dramatic, soap-opera quality in the family or origin. Second, traumatic abandonment is common in these families. Children who later develop BPD are often left alone without adequate care and supervision, during which sexual abuse by others may be perpetrated. The children may interpret this abandonment as resulting from their bad behaviour. Third, the families of those who develop BPD tend to shun autonomy and promote dependency. These children are socialized to believe that they are flawed, and that their families, miserable as they may be, are their only salvation. Finally, these families only offer nurturance in response to misery. These families reinforce displays of helplessness and agony by offering nurturant care in response to such displays, and at no other time. Collectively, these family-of-origin processes are thought to promote the identity disturbance, emotional liability, fear of abandonment, and suicidal gestures that are typical of BPD. The interpersonal backgrounds of people with BPD are particularly remarkable. Themselves of loneliness, conflict, and fear of abandonment are prevalent. #RandolphHarris 8 of 20

As it is for people with depression, interpersonal rejection is a notable problem for those with BPD. This may be the result of the tendency in BPD to oscillate between clinging attachment and avoidance—a pattern that is repulsive to even the most tolerant friend or family member. Experiences in the family or origin are commonly devoid of stability and nurturance. Rather, one finds a lack of care, frequent abuse, rejection, and psychiatric symptoms emanating from the parents of those who later develop BPD. It is when parental overinvolvement is combined with neglect and abuse that symptoms of BPD are especially likely to appear. This toxic combination of parenting behaviours set the stage for the later interpersonal attachment-avoidance conflict that characterizes BPD (borderline personality disorder). “Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,” reports Hebrews 12.1. Many people wonder why they are not happy. Often, it is because they are dragging around all sorts of baggage from the past. Someone offended them last week, so they have packed that pain in their bag. Someone’s car looks better than theirs, so they are offended and have packed that pain in their bag. Someone has a new hair style and they think it looks better than theirs, so they pack that offense in their bag. A month ago they lost their temper, said some things they should not have, and they have that stuffed in their bag, too. Ten years ago, their boyfriend cheated on them, and they just do not understand why. They have got all that anger, jealousy, and doubt stashed in still another bag. #RandolphHarris 9 of 20

Growing up, they were not treated right. They have got that suitcase full of junk, too. They have been carrying these heavy bags for years; they are loaded down by their collection of burdens, and then they wonder why they cannot live a rich, full life! Worse yet, they drag their baggage with them everywhere they go. Not only do they hold on to their baggage, but they like to unpack it every once in a while, just to make sure it is all still there. They take some things out and look at them, and relive all that hurt and pain. Then they pack it up again and drag and drop it someplace else! Bethany (not her real name) went through a failed relationship in her marriage many years ago, and she lost her house and car. She prayed that God would bring somebody new into her life. Sure enough, she met a fine gentleman, a very godly, successful man, and she was excited about their friendship. However, she made the mistake of dragging her borderline personality disorder (baggage) into that new relationship. When they were together, she talked constantly about all she had been through, how she was emotionally drained, and how mistreated she had been. That gentlemen told me later that Bethany was so focused on her past, so caught up in what she had been through, he just could not deal with it anymore. He finally stopped calling her, and just moved on. Unfortunately, something like that happens all too often. If you hold on to the hurts and pains of the past, they will poison you wherever you go. You may think that other people are the problem, but I want to encourage you to examine your own heart. Look on the inside, because you may very well find out that you are the problem. Maybe you have been a baggage dragger. And you cannot drag around baggage from the past and expect to have good, healthy relationships. #RandolphHarris 10 of 20

God did not create us to carry around all the baggage from the past. “Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favour and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it,” reports Hebrews 12.15. One does not have to live depressed and discouraged because of what one has gone through. Maybe one has been holding on to painful memories or attitudes that has been keeping one bitter, discouraged, emotionally worn out, physically run down, depleted of energy and enthusiasm, and living in self-pity. Sadly, one’s situation will not change until you put your foot down and make a decision to do or say something about it. “Strive to live in peace with everybody and pursue that consecration and holiness without which no one will [ever] see the Lord,” reports Hebrews 12.14. If you develop that kind of attitude, God will give you a new beginning. You will see things improve. If someone hurt you, give that to God and He will pay you back, He will make it up to you. Quit dwelling on your disappointments. Quit mourning over something that is over and done. DO not make the mistake of dragging the pains of yesterday over into today. Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. If you continue to wallow in despair, not only will you stay stuck in the past, but you will sink deeper and deeper. God will invite the likes of you—that is to say, the pocketless and the pauperous—to the Communion of His Most Holy Body. However, who are we that we should presume to approach God? #RandolphHarris 11 of 20

Look, the Heaven of heavens cannot contain God—if I may echo the Author of the First Book of Kings (8.27)—and yet God says to me, a leaky sieve, what He said to the others in His lifetime on Earth. “Come, all those of you who break your backs and bust your butts, and I will pour you a draft.” Is that not how the great Matthew put it. We than cannot find a spot of good in ourselves to save our souls, how are we to introduce ourselves when we first meet Jesus Christ face to face, we whose malign conduct we have continually thrown in Jesus Christ’s benign face? Surrounded by such Heavenly heavyweights—Angels and Archangels, holy people from the Old and New Testaments—Jesus still have the nerve to say, “Come to Me, one and all?” That is outrageous! No one else would make such an invitation. Who would believe it? Nobody would give such a command. Who would pay any attention? However, let us not get stalled on comings and goings. “Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds. You have not yet struggled and fought agonizingly against sin, nor have you yet resisted and withstood to the point of pouring out your [own] blood. And have you [completely] forgotten the divine word of appeal and encouragement in which you are reasoned with and addressed as sons? #RandolphHarris 12 of 20

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“My son, do not think lightly or scorn to submit to the correction and discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage and give up and faint when you are reporved or corrected by Him; for the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes. You must submit to and endure [correction] for discipline; God is dealing with you as with sons. For what son is there who one’s father does not [thus] train and correct and discipline? Now if you are exempt from correction and left without discipline in which all [of God’s children] share, then you are illegitimate offspring and not true sons,” reports Hebrews 12.2-8. These points must be well taken from our Friend and Founder of all Law, Giver of All life. We, lawless creatures that we are, have the gall to receive God without having to break a sweat? God is bigger than the past. He is bigger than all one’s disappointments and problems. Some may have made a lot of mistakes, but God can turn those things all around. People may have hurt you and done you wrong, but if you will leave it up to God, He will pay your back. God will make your wrongs right. Get rid of that baggage and start focusing on your possibilities. Let hope fill your heart. Your future can start today. No matter what you have been through, no matter how difficult it was, God is saying there are great days ahead for you. He still has good things in store. Knowing God’s will is a key to answered prayer. So often people spend a lot of time trying to figure out if it is God’s will for them to be healed or if it is God’s will for them to be prosperous. Jesus said, “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in Heaven, Hallowed by Thy name. Thy kingdom come. They will be done in Earth, as it is in Heaven,” reports Matthew 6.9-10. #RandolphHarris 13 of 20

Let us ask ourselves what is it like in Heaven: Is there any poverty in Heaven? No. Is there any disease in Heaven? No. Jesus told His disciples to pray that the will of God be done in Earth as it is in Heaven. Then He must be saying to pray that there be no disease on this Earth and that there by no poverty here. Now if Jesus is teaching His disciples to pray this way, do you not know that it is the will of God? His will is that it be on this Earth as it is in Heaven. When the enemy is put in the bottomless pit and shut up for a thousand years, there will be no sickness or disease. Now that ought to tell us where it comes from. Sometimes people get the idea that God is testing and perfecting us with sickness and disease. They say that the trail of your faith perfect it. However, that is not what the Word says. James says that the trying of your faith works patience. (James 1.3.) How many of us have not had any trials and tests in life? If it were true that God uses trials and tests to perfect our faith, then everyone of us would be perfect. The trails of life are a design of the adversary to destroy you, not to perfect you. The trying of your faith works patience. Patience is a spiritual force that comes into play to undergird your faith and to hold it up like a pier under a long span of a bridge. If the bride did not have piers to support it, it would collapse. That is what happens to many people’s faith. It causes you to be consistent through the trial and test that the enemy brings against you. So often we have thought it was God sending us the trails and tests. No, thank God, it is not my Father sending them—it is the enemy. Jesus said, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly,” reports John 10.10. #RandolphHarris 14 of 20

Is there going to be any sickness and disease in Heave? No Is there going to be any poverty there? No. There is abundance in that place. It is a healthy place. Do you know any poverty-stricken folk on Earth who have their driveway paved with gold? The streets of that city are not only paved with gold, they are pure gold. The whole street is gold! God’s will is that this Earth be conformed to the spirit World that spawned it. This Universe is a creation of God and it was designed to be prosperous. However, the adversary entered into it and fouled it up by distorting God’s creation and His Word. In the process of actualizing, one expressed oneself less on the character and manipulative levels and moves more into the actualizing expression of each polarity. For instance, one the strength polarity, one may express oneself once in awhile in rigid manner. Occasionally, one may employ manipulative tactics of striving and achieving. However, mostly one learns to express strength in actualizing manner, by being powerful, strong, capable, or adequate as it is appropriate. If one were actualized, one would express only the actualizing level. However, we are in a process and this is why we need to be aware that our manipulative tendencies can by only gradually neutralized. The best model for understanding the actualizing life is Jesus Himself, Jesus possessed a quality of being that awed people wherever He went. In His encounters with others, He would leave healing, change, and renewal. He lived form His core and was able to express the intensity of emotion required for every situation. He could be living enough to restore and free a woman caught in the act of adultery when her accusers wanted to stone her to death. #RadolphHarris 15 of 20

Jesus could be weak enough to surrender to being put to death on a cross and buried in another man’s tomb. He could be strong enough to rise from the grave a victor over death itself. Knowing that God participates with one in the quest for authenticity and meaningful involvement in the World brings courage to trust the subtle promptings of one’s inner feelings or to be open to the wisdom of one’s gut reactions. The actualizing Christian values the still, quiet voice within that often reflects the gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit in the core of one’s personality. Inputs from God and other flow readily through the permeable bounty of the self and on into the core. We can describe the process as dynamic and continuous. Persons who live this way are being maximally sensitive to themselves and others. They function transparently: what originates deep within is what is expressed honestly to others. They are also moved emotionally by the feelings that other people share. Thus we could say these persons are congruent and empathetic. An important aspect of growth is having the courage to accept out losses up to now. A woman once shared in a counseling session with Jensen how tragic she though it was that certain insights had come so late in life. He reassured her that it was a blessing that the insights had come at all. Now the insight was to take the insight and build on them. The fact is that life is not just a rose garden—it can be a crown of thorns are well. So we must learn to accept our looses and defeats and get on with the adventure of living. In giving up our radical defenses and bags of tricks, we are reborn. We become like babes, loveable to behold. We experience the freshness, purity, and genuineness that are truly Christlike. However, we do not become naïve and simplistic. Rather, we grow to be as Jesus said, “wise as serpents and innocent as doves,” reports Matthew 10.16. #RandolphHarris 16 of 20

As we gibe in to spontaneous expression from our core along the primary polarities, integration gradually takes place and inner harmony is experienced. This process takes time, just as building up a pattern of repressing feelings took time. The actualizing response must be made again and again before it becomes an automatic expression of our core being. Also, the transformation from manipulating into actualizing involves a fundamental change of attitude toward self and others. Notice people who are healed and holistic have expressions of the self, rather than with the ulterior motives of impressing others or repressing one’s feeling. One chooses to approach and encounter others—even when the going gets rough—rather than reproach or avoid them. Further, the people look inward. The Holy Spirit flow into the depths of the Christian just as it did for Christ. This is important to know, because it assures us that our whole being—physical, emotional, and psychological—is the ground out of which emerges the unfolding will of God in our lives, as it did in Jesus’ life. All the essential elements for an actualizing lifestyle are already in the personality. Nothing needs to be added or taken away. We simply work with God’s help, to restore the inner balance so that we can live with more integrity. With awareness, patience, and gentle discipline, the patterns of characters styles become stages of growth—like the bud that eventually gives way to the blossoming of the flower. Gentleness is an important concept here. If someone impatiently tried to tear the covering of the bud away, the flower inside would be destroyed. In the same way, we need to be respectful of slow and gradual transformation of the constricted personality into the fully alive and expressive one. #RandolphHarris 17 of 20

With courage the actualizing Christian recognizes within oneself the possibility for deterioration into psychosis, or growth into Spirit-led actualization. It is this potentiality for psychosis or actualizing that makes each day a creative act of personal surrender to the miracle of God’s abiding grace. The transformation from neurosis to personality health is indeed a wonderful process. The person rises on the force of hope out of the depths of one’s despair. One’s cowardice is replaced by courage. The rigid bonds of one’s selfishness are broken down by a taste of gratification of unselfishness. Joy wells up and streams over one’s pain. And love comes into the human’s life to vanquish one’s loneliness. One has at last found oneself—and found one’s fellow humans and one’s place in the Universe. Such is the transformation from neurosis to personality health. And such is what it means, likewise, to experience religion. The Christian Bible is clear that the kingdom of God need not begin only when one goes to Heaven. Rather, the kingdom of God has already burst into time and space and history. The more we live from our cores, the more we experience the gracious powers of the kingdom of God—here and now. So the actualizing Christian has hope not only for a blessed eternity but also for substantial healing, meaning, and fulfillment in this life. Many Christians are not sufficiently aware of this exciting prospect. An example is a marine sergeant who was recently talking to Jared. He confided sincerely that he was afraid to make a deep commitment to Christ because he felt he could not handle the new obligation to straighten out his life and give up some bad habits he enjoyed. “If I surrender to God, He will judge me and send me to some remote corner of the Earth,” he said. Jared suggested that the whole meaning of the death and resurrection of Christ was that God loves each one of us perfectly. So why would a loving God want to make Crowley miserable? #RandolphHarris 18 of 20

God sent Jesus into the World to liberate people, not to condemn and frustrate them. Crowley had never seen that side of it, but had rather assumed that God was the kind of gruff and stern Being with whom one ought not to get too intimate—a punitive God. However, this is simply not true. God is for us, not against us! Given the balance of desire to be all that we are called by God to be, courage to be ourselves here and now, and openness to grow day by day, we cannot help making the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly. For proof that the glimpse is a genuine fact and not a hallucinatory one, not only ought the experience itself to be analyzed but the after-condition ought to be studied and the subsequent behaviour ought to be noted. Does it show less attachment to the ego and more devotion to the Overself, less emotional disturbance and more mental tranquility? If it is a genuine glimpse, its effect will be seen in one’s face, one’s gait, one’s talk, while the influence, and some of the aftermath, lasts. For one’s face will be transfigured, one’s gait will be slowed down, one’s talk will be restrained and wise. The Glimpse is in very truth a magic spell cast over a person’s whole being so that one neither feels nor reacts like one did before. For a short time one is born again, a new person. All the annals of the vanished past and all the experiences of the living present inform us that whoever enters into it feels one’s natural egotism subside, one’s fierce passions assuaged, one’s restless thoughts stilled, one’s troubled emotions pacified, one’s habitual World-view spiritualized, and one’s whole person caught up into a beatific supernal power. Did one ever have this kind of consciousness? One’s words and deeds, one’s personal presence and psychological self-betrayal should proclaim with a united voice what one is. No human who habitually enters such a blessed state could ever bring oneself to hate or injure a fellow human being. #RandolphHarris 19 of 20

Dear Lord in Heaven, I am dropping my baggage from the past right here. I am letting go of it and giving it to You. I do not want to drag it along with me any longer. Thank You for taking this heavy load off my heart. God, please be with us Violence, destruction, receive our homage. Please help us to bring darkness into the light, to lift out the pain, the anger, where it can be seen for what it is—the balance-wheel for our vulnerable, aching love. Within the act of creation, crude power that forges a balance between hate and love. Helps us to be the always hopeful gardeners of the spirit. Who know that without darkness nothing comes to birth as without light, nothing flowers. Beat the roots in mind, You the dark one, God, awesome power. O Heavenly Father, remember the soul of my beloved husband whom I affectionately recall in this solemn hour. May his soul be bound up in the bonds of eternal life and his memory ever be for a blessing. O Heavenly Father, remember the sold of my beloved wife whom I affectionately recall in this solemn hour. May her soul be bound up in the bonds of eternal life and may her memory ever be for a blessing. O heavenly Father, remember the soul of my beloved son whom I loving recall in this solemn hour. His memory is enshrined in my heart. May his soul be bound up in the bonds of eternal life. Amen. O Heavenly Father, remember the soul of my beloved daughter whom I loving recall in this solemn hour. Her memory is enshrined in my heart. May her soul be bound up in the bonds of eternal life. Amen. O Heavenly Father, remember the soul of my grandparents whom I affectionately recall in this solemn hour. As I remember the hours we spent together in happy fellowship, may I ever keep sacred the memory of grandfather’s loyalty and love. May grandmother and grandfather’s soul be bound up in the bonds of eternal life. Amen. #RandolphHarris 20 of 20