Told by an Idiot, Full of Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing!

Life is the only sentence which does not end with a period. “He looked like a porcelain eskimo, and all kinds of colour—blue, green, red, and shiny,” this was one account of a woman seeing her baby for the first time, after a natural childbirth. Sensory messages are streaming into the baby’s cortex. The senses crate cortical effects which generally make shapes and patterns, and some of these, if all goes well, are increasingly accurately experienced as “me” while others are experienced as “not me but other.” Messages about “not me but other” go to the cortex just as messages abut “me” do. Where else? However, some amount of cortical organization has to take place before these messages can find a place in the cortex as messages about “the mother.” So at this time there is hardly any differentiation between the mother and the baby, or between the baby’s various bodily parts, as far as the baby’s experience goes. What the mother does is experience in terms of these bodily zones which are just then in a state of excitement. Before differentiation, mother and baby are ne in the baby’s experience: both are embedded in the one stream of sensations. From the point of view of the baby’s sensations, we might say that mother and baby are merged. Somehow the baby has to e-merge—come out of the merge. #RandolphHarris 1 of 19

As the baby e-merges, so does the mother, in the baby’s experience. We are here at the very origins of self-imagery. We find here also the beginnings of our imagery of the World of other people and things. Body-imagery is the forerunner or prototype both of self-imagery and of our knowledge of others. There are probably constitutional predispositions to particular body-imagery. These innate forms would seem to be the bodily forerunners of later thoughts and phantasies. They seem to be the flexible moulds into which experience is cast, at a primitive level of emotional development, and which are modified by the experience so cast. When an innate form seems to coincide with a correspondence in the outside World, the child has the illusion that everything is synonymous and continuous with one’s own body stuff. Unless something goes wrong, these predispositions are confirmed, refined, and elaborated by sensory messages: by the feel of cloth against skin, the feel of warmth and fullness inside, the feel of muscles flexing and stretching. Also, if things go well, the infant will feel interested and pleased when it discovers a difference between “me” and “not me.” However, the healing cleansing flow between mother and baby can seem to be broken in such a violent and catastrophic way that it cannot be recycles, transformed and made bearably by interchanges between mother and baby. #RandolphHarris 2 of 19

To some extent, all infants suffer the disillusionment of the “fall” from the seeming perfection of the continuous silky smoothness into the broken, gritty darkness of perfect satisfaction in the exact terms which they desire. Disturbances of primary sensuousness being a feeling of being traumatically disconnected from the sensation-giving mother, who then becomes a “not-self” mother. This provokes a volcanic uprush of elemental feelings of rage, distress, and terror, expressed as spasms of agitation, cramping tantrums, even seeming epileptic fits. The baby recoils from the not-self mother with which these are associated. In defence, the infant may attempt to preserve an illusion of fusion with the other, or to maintain some confusion of self with mother, or, as in autism, it may create a hard shell or “encapsulation” which shuts out the not-self World as much as possible. “I am not yet born; O fill me with strength against those who would freeze my humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton, would make me a cog in a machine, a things with one face, a thing, against all those who would dissipate my entirety, would blow me like thistledown hither and thither or hither and thither like water held in the hand will spill me. Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me otherwise kill me,” a Prayer Before Birth by Louis MacNeice to help us understand. #RandolphHarris 3 of 19

John, at the age of 3, showed many of the traits associated with autism. Dr. Mildred Creak, the referring psychiatrist, wrote of him that his chief interest seemed to be, “to tap different surfaces, or to spin objects. He is fascinated by mechanical moving parts, and has always been quite clever at learning to move his body. Although he is sure-footed he still does not feed himself; not that he cannot—it seems as if he will not. He shows excessive anxiety at times, with days of screaming. He has no useful speech, and only communicates very tentatively by trying to use your hand.” John’s first visit to me when he was 3 ½ and his face was expressionless. He went past me as if I did not exist. The moment when this was not so occurred in the consulting room. I worked with John for thee and a half years, and would have liked more time. However, when we parted this little boy was attending school for normal children, which reported that he was not markedly different from other children there. He was still a finicky eater, and in times of stress he was inclined to stammer and to have sleeping difficulties. However, he enjoyed life, he enjoyed school, he was learning avidly, and he was making friends with other children. It took much imagination, much empathy, much skill, and much determination to help John come out of his shell and relate to other people and things in a rewarding way. #RandolphHarris 4 of 19

John like to be around people who are unintrusive so he can reflect on himself without being invaded. People should find understanding of the process of helpful intervention in people’s lives. In his “garments of grace” list in Colossians 3.12-14, Paul put forbearance (“bear with each other”) and forgiveness together. These two character traits should certainly be hallmarks of a person living by God’s transforming grace. Forbearance is no longer a common word in most vocabularies. We tend to use the word patience in its place, as in “please be patient with me.” Forbearance literally means “to put up with” and is translated that way several places in the New Testament. For example, the Lord Jesus said in Matthew 17.17, “O unbelieving and perverse generation, how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?” Paul spoke similarly when we wrote to the Corinthians, “I hope you will put up with a little foolishness; but you are already doing that,” reports 2 Corinthians 11.1. So when Paul said to “bear with each other,” he was saying, “put up with one another,” or as we would say, “be patient with one another.” When we use “be patient” in this manner, we are saying to put up with twenty or so minutes of tardiness from the habitually late person. #RandolphHarris 5 of 19

However, there are two ways we can put up with the faults and thoughtless acts of other people. One way is politely but grudgingly. A person says, “Excuse my lateness,” and we smile and say, “Of course,” while inward we are saying, “Why cannot you be on time like I always am?” Such an attitude is born out of pride and is obviously not the way God intends that we put up with or be patient with one another. The other way is to recognize that God has to constantly put up with our faults and failures. Not only are we faulty and thoughtless in our relationships with one another, more importantly, we are faulty and thoughtless in our relationships with one another, more importantly, we are faulty and thoughtless in our relationship with God. We do not honor and reverence Him as we should. We prefer the entertainment of television to intimate fellowship with Him. However, God is patient with us because of His grace. And to the extent that we consciously live in His grace, we will be patient with others. In fact, the definition of patient in our common use implies the latter, gracious way of putting up with the faults of others. We all recognize that grudgingly “putting up with” is not true patience according to our common meaning. True patience holds no grudge, not even a minor, momentary one. #RandolphHarris 6 of 19

In Ephesians 4.2 Paul urges us to “bear with one another in love.” The basis for our patience with one another is love. As Peter said in 1 Peter 4.8, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Love not only covers over a multitude of sins but also a multitude of faults in one another. However, where do we get such love? John answers this in 1 John 4.19: “We love because he first loved us.” The object of the verb love in 1 John 4.19 is indefinite. John could be saying, “We love one another because God first loved us.” Perhaps John intended both meanings, although the context seems to indicate the latter. If so, he is saying the basis of our love for one another is God’s love for us. This being true, the extent of our love for each other will be based on our consciousness of and appreciation of God’s love for us. The more we have a heartfelt comprehension of God’s love for us, the more we will be inclined to love others. And since love covers over a multitude of faults, the more we will be inclined to be patient with one another. So patience ultimately grows out of a recognition of God’s grace in our lives. The more we are consciously living by grace, the more we will be patient with one another. Or to say it another way, if we are not patient with each other, we are not living by grace. #RandolphHarris 7 of 19

Paul said we are to go beyond being patient with one another; we are also to forgive each other. Forgiveness differs from forbearance in that it has to do with real wrongs committed against us. Forbearance or patience should be our response to unintentional actions due to the faults of carelessness of another. Forgiveness should be our response to the intentional or provocative acts of another, the instances when they attempt to our actually do harms us in some way. In Colossians 3.13, Paul said, “Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” Paul’s language seems to take for granted that such grievances will occur. As believers, all of us are still far from the Christlikeness we would like to have. So we not only offend our fellow believers unwittingly through our faults and failures, but we also sometimes offend deliberately. We need forgiveness not only from God but from one another. And we need to forgive one another as God forgave us. Paul said, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” We are to forgive because we have been forgiven. The free grace of the Father’s forgiving love is the pattern for his children in their forgiving love is the pattern for his children in their forgiveness of one another. #RandolphHarris 8 of 19

This thought takes us back to Jesus’ parable of the unmerciful servant, Matthew 18.21-35. We considered this briefly in the past, but I want to look at it in more detail now. For convenience the parable is reproduced here: Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not even seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of Heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all he had be sold to replay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. However, when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ However, he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. #RandolphHarris 9 of 19

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servants just as I had on you?’” In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my Heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” As we consider the parable, note first that Jesus gave it in response to a specific question from Peter: “How many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” The parable serves to reinforce Jesus’ answer, “not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” The servant in the parable owed his master millions of dollars. When the master ordered that he and his family and all he had be sold to repay the debt, the servant stalled for time. He said, “Be patient with me, and I will pay back everything.” The servant should have declared bankruptcy and pleaded for mercy; instead, he pleaded for time. He thought he could wipe out this huge debt, given sufficient time. However, he owed an impossible sum. According to David Seamands, the annual taxes at that time from the Palestinian provinces put together amounted to only $800,000.00. Yet the servant owed millions of dollars. There is no way he could pay his debt. #RandolphHarris 10 of 19

This servant illustrates a person who is living by works. He foolishly thought he could work his way out of debt. However, the master knew that only grace would suffice to meet the human’s needs, so he freely forgave him and canceled the debt. Despite experiencing such overwhelming forgiveness, this man refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him only a few dollars. Instead, he ruthlessly demanded payment. The obvious message of the parable is that, whatever offense anyone has committed against us, it is trifling compared to the vast debt of our sins against God. It seems that the unmerciful servant’s unforgiving attitude arose out of his lack of understanding grace. He wanted to repay his debt, or to use an earlier expression in this book, to pay his own way. In his mind he never declared total bankruptcy. That is why, even after receiving such gracious forgiveness himself, he treated his fellow servants so unmercifully. Had he recognized his own total bankruptcy, and consequently, the necessity for absolute grace on the part of his master, he probably would have behaved differently. Many Christians behaved like the unmerciful servant and for the same reason. Because they have not admitted their own total and permanent spiritual bankruptcy, they do not recognize the infinite extent of God’s grace to them. #RandolphHarris 11 of 19

They still see themselves as basically “good,” and because of that, they expected everyone else to be “good” also, especially in relationship to them. Because they do not recognize their own continued bankruptcy before God, they insist that everyone else pay his own debts. However, the Christian living by grace recognizes one’s own spiritual bankruptcy. One sees the vast contrast between one’s sins against God of “several million dollars” and his neighbour’s sins against one of only a “few dollars.” And because of this, one both understands and responds to Paul’s instruction, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” So we have come full circle recognizing our own spiritual bankruptcy. This is where we must begin and end if we are to experience the joy of living by God’s transforming grace. So I invite you and urge you to lay aside any remnant of self-goodness you may think you still have. Admit your total spiritual bankruptcy, and drink deeply from the infinite grace of God. And then in deep awareness of what you have received, extend that same spirit of grace to others. “Behold, now it came to pass that when Nephi had spoken these words, certain men who were among them ran to the judgment-seat; yea, even there were five who went, and they said among themselves, as they went: Behold, now we will know of a surety whether this man be prophet and God hath commanded him to prophesy such marvelous things unto us. #RandolphHarris 12 of 19

“Behold, we do not believe that he hath; yea, we do not believe that he is a prophet; nevertheless, if this thing which he has said concerning the chief judge be true, that he be dead, then will we believe that the other words which he has spoken are true. And it came to pass that they ran in their might, ad came in unto the judgment-seat; and behold, the chief judge had fallen to the Earth, and did lie in his blood. And now behold, when they saw this they were astonished exceedingly, insomuch that they feel to the Earth; for they had not believed the words which Nephi had spoken concerning the chief judge. However, now, when they saw they believed, and fear came upon them lest all the judgments which Nephi had spoken should come upon the people; therefore they did quake, and had fallen to the Earth. Now, immediately when the judge had been murdered—he being stabbed by his brother by a garb of secrecy, and he fled, and the servants ran and told the people, raising the cry of murder among them; and behold the people did gather themselves together unto the place of the judgment-seat—and behold, to their astonishment they saw those five men who had fallen to the Earth. And now behold, the people knew nothing concerning the multitude who had gathered together at the gathered together at the garden of Nephi; therefore they said among themselves: These men are they who have murdered the judge, and God has smitten them that they could not flee from us. #RandolphHarris 13 of 19

“And it came to pass that they laid hold on them, and bound them and cast them into prison. And there was a proclamation sent abroad that the judge was slain, and the murderers had been taken and were cast into prison. And it came to pass that on the morrow the people did assemble themselves together to mourn and to fast, at the burial of the great chief judge who had been slain. And thus also those judges who were at the garden of Nephi, and heard his words, were also gathered together at the burial. And it came to pass that they inquired among the people, saying: Where are the five who were sent to inquire concerning the chief judge whether he was dead? And they answered and said: Concerning this five whom ye say ye have sent, we know not; but there are five who are the murderers, whom we have cast into prison. And it came to pass that the judges desired that they should be brought; and they were brought, and behold they were the five who were sent; and behold the judges inquired of them to know concerning the matter, and they told them all that they had done, saying: We ran and came to the place of the judgment-seat, and when saw all things even as Nephi had testified, we were astonished insomuch that we fell to the Earth; and when we were recovered from our astonishment, behold they cast us into prison. #RandolphHarris 14 of 19

“Now, as for the murder of this man, we know not who has done it; and only this much we know, we ran and came according as ye desired, and behold he was dead, according as ye desired, and behold he was dead, according to the words of Nephi. And now it came to pass that the judges did expound the matter unto the people, and did cry out against Nephi, saying: Behold, we know that this Nephi must have agreed with some one to slay the judge, and then he might declare it unto us, that he might convert us unto his faith, that he might raise himself to be a great man, chosen of God, and prophet. And now behold, we will detect this man, and he shall confess his fault and make known unto us the true murderer of this judge. And it came to pass that the five were liberated on the day of the burial. Nevertheless, they did rebuke the judges in the words which they had spoken against Nephi, and did contend with the one by one, insomuch that they did confound them. Nevertheless, they caused that Nephi should be taken and bound and brought before the multitude, and they began to question him in divers ways that they might cross him, that they might accuse him to death—saying unto him: Thou art confederate; who is this man that hath done this murder? #RandolphHarris 15 or 19

“Now tell us, and acknowledge they fault; saying, Behold here is money; and also we will grant unto thee thy life if thou wilt tell us, and acknowledge the agreement which thou hast made with him. However, Nephi said unto them: O ye fools, ye uncircumcised of heart, ye blind, and ye stiffnecked people, do ye know how long the Lord your God will suffer you that ye shall go on in your way of sin? O ye ought to begin to howl and mourn, because of the great destruction which at this time doth await you, except ye shall repent. Behold ye say that I have agreed with a man that he should murder Seezoram, our chief judge. However, behold, I say unto you, that this is because I have testified unto you that ye might know concerning this thing; yea, even for a witness unto you, that I did know of the wickedness and abominations which are among you. And because I have done this, ye say that I have agreed with a man that he should do this sign ye are angry with me, and seek to destroy my life. And now behold, I will show you another sign, and see if ye will in this thing seek to destroy me. Behold, I say unto you: Go to the house of Seantum, who is the brother of Seezoram, and say unto him—has Nephi, the pretended prophet, who doth prophesy so much evil concerning this people, agreed with thee, in the which ye have murdered Seezoram, who is your brother? #RandolphHarris 16 of 19

“And behold, he shall say unto you, Nay. And ye shall say unto him: Have ye murdered your brother? And he shall stand with fear, and wist not what to say. And behold, he shall deny unto you; and he shall make as if here were astonished; nevertheless, he shall declare unto you that he is innocent. However, behold, ye shall examine him, and ye shall find blood upon the skirts of his cloak. And when ye have seen this, ye shall say: From whence cometh this blood? Do we not know that it is the blood? Do we not know that it is the blood of your brother? And then shall he tremble, and shall look pale, even as if death had come upon him. And then shall ye say: Because of this fear and this paleness which has come upon your face, behold we know that thou art guilty. And then shall ye say: Because of this fear and this paleness which has come upon your face, behold, we know that thou art guilty. And then shall greater fear come upon him; and then shall he confess unto you, and deny no more that he had done this murder. And then shall he say unto you, that I, Nephi, know nothing concerning the matter save it were given unto me by the power of God. And then shall ye know that I am an honest man, and that I am sent unto you from God. And it came to pass that they went an did, even according as Nephi had said unto them. #RandolphHarris 17 of 19

“And behold, the words which he had said were true; for according to the words he did deny; and also according to the word he did confess. And he was brought to prove that he himself was the very murderer, insomuch that the five where set at liberty, and also was Nephi. And there were some of the Nephites who believed on the words of Nephi; and there were some also, who believed because of the testimony of the five, for they had been converted while they were in prison. And now there were some among the people, who said that Nephi was a prophet. And there were others who said: Behold, he is a god, for except he was a god he could not know of all things. For behold, he has told us the thoughts of our hearts, and also has told us things; and even he had brought unto our knowledge the true murderer of our chief judge,” reports Helaman 9.1-41. Siting in the presence of the One who deserves praise, I turn my thoughts to thankfulness, thinking of the gifts God has granted to the World He loves so well. Intertwined with the World’s substance, God has created and sustained, brought forth and upheld, wonders beyond humanity’s lifetimes’ imagining. Out of the multitude of scattered gifts, I have been witness to only a few. Yet still I experience awe; still I am moved to gratitude; still I approach you with thanks. Giver of gifts, accept y words as my own gift to you in return. #RandolphHarris 18 of 19

From you have come answers to my prayer. From me come offerings in gratitude. See what I give you: a grateful offering with grateful words. In payment of my vow, I offer [offering] to [name of God and Holy Ghost]. Open hands deserve an open mind. Thank you, God and Jesus Christ, for my continued prosperity, for my continued health, for my continued life. Continually I will pray to you, and how beloved Son, always remembering your sacrifices. “The Heaven and the Earth were finished, and all their host. And on the seventh day God had finished His work which He had made; and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and hallowed it, because He rested thereon from all His work which God created and made,” reports Genesis 2.1-3. Blessed art Thou, O Lord our God and God of our fathers, God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the great mighty, revered and Most High God, Master of Heaven and Earth. Steadfast in this Faith we are to be safe from evil—that our Creed is to be the shield of our life. Lord God Almighty, Who hast made us to come to the beginning of this day, save us this day by Thy power; that in this day we turn aside into no sin, but that or words may go forth, our Holy Lord, Father Almighty, eternal God, Who hast made us to come to the beginning of the say, save us this day by Thy power, and grant that this day we turn aside into no sin thoughts and deeds be directed, to do always what is righteous in Thy sight. #RandolphHarris 19 of 19