Separateness is not an emotional illness per se. It is a conscious choice on the part of the separated or a conscious movement on the part of the larger group. It consists of creating separate and different living spaces for each of them. It may be an opportunity for the separated one to grow in selfhood, or it may lead to marginality. The concept of gender difference is an ideology which masks the fact that genders may be socially constructed, may not be natural, and could be coercively enforced, perhaps not freely consented-to. However, many people are happy that they are educated in expected gender roles so that they can conform to society’s norms, which are also thought to have Biblical heritage and could also be natural. However, the main concern is to make sure that women get equal treatment and are allowed to partake in careers that once were thought to be only for men, such as careers in engineering, finance, and sports. People are concerned with feminisms claims that the voices of women have been silenced, their attributes have been overlooked and they feel like they are being pushed out of existence. Women feel that men are oppressing them, regardless of their race or class, or mode of production. Women do not want to be looked at as subsets of some other group and not as gender neutral beings because that leaves them feeling fragmented beyond recognition. #RandolphHarris 1 of 19

Sensitivity to nonverbal communication and to the micropolitical significance of feeling gives women something like an ethic language, which men can speak too, but on the whole less well. It is a language women share offstage in their talking “about feelings.” This talk is not, as it is for men offstage, the score-keeping of conquistadors. It is the talk of the artful prey, the language of tips on how to make one want her, how to psyche him out, how to put him on or turn him off. Within the traditional female subculture, subordination at close quarters is understood, especially in adolescence, as a “fact of life.” Women accommodate, then, but not passively. They actively adapt feeling to a need or a purpose at hand, and they do it so that it seems to express a passive state of agreement, the chance occurrence of coinciding needs. Being becomes a way of doing. Acting is the needed art, and emotion work is the tool. The emotion work of enhancing the status and well-being of others is a form of what Ivan Illich has called “shadow labour,” and unseen effort, which, like housework, does not quite count as labour but is nevertheless crucial to getting other things done. As with doing housework well, the trick is to erase any evidence of effort, to offer only the clean house and the welcoming smile. #RandolphHarris 2 of 19

We have a simple word for the product of this shadow labour: “nice.” Niceness is a necessary and important lubricant to any civil exchange, and men make themselves nice, too. It keeps the social wheels turning. Someone might make a comment like “Nice jacket you have on”—that sort of thing, something to make someone feel good. Or they may laugh at someone’s jokes. It makes them feel relaxed and amusing. Beyond the smaller niceties are the larger ones of doing a favour, offering a service. Finally, there is the moral or spiritual sense of being seriously nice, in which we embrace the needs of another person as more important than our own. Each way of being “nice” adds a dimension to the deference. Deference is more than the offering of cold respect, the formal bow of submission, the distant smile of politeness; it can also have a warm face and offer gestures small and large that show support for the well-being and status of others. Almost everyone does the emotion work that produces what we might broadly speaking, call deference. However, women are expected to do more of it. In one study comparing male with female university professors, it was discovered that students expected women professors to be warmer and more supportive than male professors; given these expectations, proportionally more women professors were perceived as cold. #RandolphHarris 3 of 19

In another study, clinically trained psychologist, psychiatrists, and social workers were asked to match various characteristics with “normal adult men” and “normal adult women”; they more often associated “very tactful, very gentle, and very aware of feelings of others” with their ideas of the normal adult woman. In being adaptive, cooperative, and helpful, the woman is on a private stage behind the public stage, and as a consequence she is often seen as less good at arguing, telling jokes, and teaching than she is at expressing appreciation of these activities. Celebrating male humour, or enhancing male status often involved the use of nondiscursive symbols, which are symbols which are not verifiable, do not have dictionary meanings or socially defined syntax and order. Women are seen as conversational cheerleaders. She actively enhances other people—usually men, but also other women to whom she plays woman. The more she seems natural at it, the more her labour does not show as labour, the more successfully it is disguised as the absence of other, more prized qualities. As a woman she may be praised for out-enhancing the best enhancer, but as a person in comparison with comics, teachers, and argument-builders, she usually lives outside the climate of enhancement that men tend to inhabit. #RandolphHarris 4 of 19

Men, of course, pay court to certain other men and women and thus also do the emotion work that keeps deference sincere. The difference between men and women is a difference in the psychological effects of having or not having power. Racism and sexism share this general pattern, but the two systems differ in the avenues available for the translation of economic inequality into private terms. A manager and factor worker, of different ethnic backgrounds, leave work and go home. However, in the case of women and men, the larger economic inequality is filtered into the intimate daily exchanges between wide and husband. Unlike other subordinates, women seek primary bonds with a supplier. In marriage, the principle of reciprocity applies to wider arenas of each self: there it more to choose from in how we pay and are paid, and the paying between economically unequal parties goes on morning, noon, and night. The larger inequalities find intimate expression. Wherever it goes, the bargain of wages-for-other-things travels in disguise. Marriage both bridges and obscures the gap between the resources available to men and those available to women. Because men and women do try to love one another—to cooperate in pleasure of the flesh, the conception of children, and making a life together—they very closeness of the bond they accept calls for some disguise of subordination. #RandolphHarris 5 of 19

There will be in the talk “we” mode, joint bank accounts and joint decision, and the idea among women that they are equal in ways that “really count.” However, underlying this pattern will be different potential futures outside the marriage and he effect of that on the patterning of life. A study of young men and women in love relationships (generally middle-class persons of about the same age) found that the women tended to admire their male loved ones more than they were, in turn, admired by them. The women also felt “more like” their loved ones than the men did. The woman may thus become especially assertive about certain secondary decision, or especially active in certain limited domains, in order to experience a sense of equality that is missing from the overall relationship. Women who understand their ultimate disadvantage and feel that their position cannot be changed may jealously guard the covertness of their traditional emotional resources, in the understandable fear that if the secret were told, their immediate situation would get worse. For to confess that their social charms are the product of secret work might make them less valuable, just as the sexual revolution has made pleasures of the flesh less “valuable” by lowering its bargaining power without promoting the advance of women into equally paying jobs. #RandolphHarris 6 of 19

In fact, of course, when we redefine “adaptability” and “cooperativeness” as a form of shadow labour, we are pointing to a hidden cost for which some recompense is due and suggesting that a general reordering of female-male relationships is desirable. There is one further reason why women may offer more emotion work of this sort than men: more women at all class levels do unpaid labour of a highly interpersonal sort. They nurture, manage, and befriend children. More “adaptive” and “cooperative,” they address themselves better to the needs of those who are not yet able to adapt and cooperate much themselves. Then, because they are seen as member of the category from which mothers come, women in general are asked to look out for psychological needs more than men are. The World turns to women for mothering, and this fact silently attached itself to many a job description. And that is why gender roles are not necessarily made up. Men cannot give birth, but women can, which by nature must make them more compassionate and nurturing in general. Change, we are persuaded, is the birthright of each human. Gradually, over a sustained period of time, every being must begin to hear one’s self-devaluations and o fully see one’s possibilities for renewal. #RandolphHarris 7 of 19

The practice one gets from attending to the blockages within oneself mobilize the individual to contemplate their reversion. One must learn to translate one’s expansiveness into artistic avenues and assume the power one previously disavowed. Many people in this country have a unique experience. They come from ruptured communities of continuity and annihilation of the past. Even now generations of people grow up alone. Many individuals feel a desperate aloneness not readily explained, even if they pass on proud traditions, or stand in solitude. One’s sense of identity, existence, freedom, and responsibility is inextricably bound up in one’s awareness of the past. Not awareness of the past for awareness’ sake, but awareness in order to incorporate the past into a meaningful present. People suffer alienation largely because the present is meaningless in light of their past. One cannot define the being of another when one is essentially powerless. This powerlessness is rooted in the social fabric. Therefore, a person or a group repeatedly treated as a fringe member of the human family and stripped of autonomy will react in a certain way, only to be seen by mental health experts as further evidence of their maladjustment. #RandolphHarris 8 of 19

Many images of the past that hold people as ontologically inert, socially restricted, and powerless are the result of the sociohistocial fact of oppression. The images have been internalized and sustained by a residual of negative attitudes directed toward marginalized individuals and transmitted intergenerationally. For this reason, issues of freedom, power, being, and responsibility must e addressed in a therapeutic context. This is essential because we choose our way of responding to other people who make up the context in which our freedom develops. The paradox that one can be free only as one is responsible is central a every point in freedom. However, the converse is just as true: one can be responsible only as one is free. You have to have some sense that your decisions genuinely matter to take responsibility for them. People must learn to establish and use their freedom and enable oneself to achieve a meaningful life. All individuals must express empowerment. This is not to be confused with its simplistic use as found in many self-help books but in the existential sense of coming to realize one’s freedom and responsibility, regardless of the circumstances. Personal responsibility is the brick and mortar of power. The responsible person knows that the quality of one’s life is something that one will have to make inside the limits of one’s fate. #RandolphHarris 9 of 19

With the understanding and the knowledge that one is responsible, a person can see one’s margin of choice. One can create one’s self and makes one’s self felt in the World. Such a person has power. Problems of being, meaning, freedom, responsibility, and their manifest symptomatology (id est, anxiety, depression, fear, doubt) can only be explored in a context in which the experience of the person is understood as essential to the process of growth. God humbles people and causes them to hunger before He feeds them. He deliberately brings them to the end of themselves. The description in Psalm 107.5 is apt: “They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away.” Then He fed them miraculously with food they had never tasted before. God wanted them to be acutely aware of the fact that He was feeding them; they were dependent on His provision every day. “Every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” is not revealed word of Scripture bur rather the commanding word of God’s providence—“For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm,” reports Psalm 33.9. The wilderness the Israelites experienced, tested and disciplined the people in various ways. On the one hand, the desolation of the wilderness removed the natural props and supports which human by nature depends on; it cast the people back on God, who alone could provide the strength to survive the wilderness. #RandolphHarris 10 of 19

On the other hand, the severity of the wilderness period undermined the shallow bases of confidence of those who were not truly rooted and grounded in God. The wilderness makes or breaks a person; it provides strength of will and character. The strength provided by the wilderness, however, was not the strength of self-sufficiency, but the strength that comes from a knowledge of the living God. On the very first page of the notebook I use during my morning devotions and prayer time, I have written these words from J.A. Thompson’s commentary on this passage in Deuteronomy: Already during the forty years of wandering God had taught Israel utter dependence on Him for water and food. Hunger and thirst could not be satisfied by human assistance but only by God. The need for such divine provision in the hour of their extremity could not but humiliate the people. The provision of food, which Israel did not know previously, made plain the lesson that it is not mere food that gives life. Without the divine word the food itself may not be available. Nothing was possible without Him, and even to eat they had to await His pleasure. Why do I review Dr. Thompson’s comments almost every morning? I sense the need to constantly remind myself of my utter dependence on God in every area of life. #RandolphHarris 11 of 19

I do not have to gather manna every morning; God had so graciously provided that the food I need for the day is already in the cupboard or refrigerator. In those circumstances it is easy to forget our dependence on God. However, the fact is, I am just as dependent on God for water and food as were the people of Israel in the desert. God provided for the Israelite through a continual miracle every day for forty years. He has provided for me and my family through His providential circumstances, also for many years. God wanted the Israelites to realize and remember their utter dependence on Him, so He used an extremity of need and a miraculous provision to capture their attention and teach them a lesson that is difficult to learn. Still, they forgot. How much easier is it, then, for us to forget when God is supplying our needs through ordinary, mundane ways. It is even more difficult, however, for us to learn our dependence on God in the spiritual realm. A lack of money for food or to make the monthly mortgage payment gets our attention very quickly, and the need is obvious. The money is either available or it is not. There is no pretending. However, we can pretend in the spiritual realm. We can exist for months—going through the motions, perhaps even teaching Sunday school, or severing as an elder or deacon—depending on nothing more than mere natural human resources. #RandolphHarris 12 of 19

The possible extremity of the physical circumstances and my very real dependence on God to meet physical needs serves as a daily reminder of my spiritual dependence on Him. The physical dependence illustrates the spiritual dependence, reminding me of Jesus’ words, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” Dr. Thompson’s words remind me that I am as dependent upon God as the Israelites were. My dependence may not be as obvious, but I is just as real and just as acute as if I had to wait daily for Go to rain down manna from Heaven. And if I am dependent in the physical realm, how much more dependent am I in the spiritual realm, where our struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces of evil. “For your struggle is not against the flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm,” reports Ephesians 6.12. “And now, it came to pass that after king Mosiah had had continual peace for the space of three years, he was desirous to know concerning the people who went up to dwell in the land of Lehi-Nephi, or in the city of Lehi-Nephi; for his people had heard nothing from them from the time they left the land of Zarahemla; therefore, they wearied him with their teasing. And it came to pass that king Mosiah granted that sixteen of their strong men might go up to the land of Lehi-Nephi, to inquire concerning their brethren. #RandolphHarris 13 of 19

“And it came to pass that on the morrow they started to go up, having with them one Ammon, he being a strong and mighty man, and a descendant of Zarahemla; and he was also their leader. And now, they knew no the course they should travel in the wilderness to go up to the land of Lehi-Nephi; therefore they wandered many days in the wilderness, even forty days did they wander. And when they had wandered forty days they came to a hill, which is north of the land of Shilom, and there they pitched their tends. And Ammon took three of his brethren, and their names were Amaleki, Helem, and Hem, and they went down into the land of Nephi. And behold, they met the king of the people who were in the and of Nephi, and in the land of Shilom; and they were surrounded by the king’s guard, and were taken, and were bound, and were committed to prison. And it came to pass when they had been in prison two days they were again brought before he king, and were permitted, or rather commanded that they should answer the question which he should ask them. And he said unto them: Behold, I am Limhi, the son of Noah, who was the son of Zeniff, who came up out of the land of Zarahemla to inherit this land, which was the land of their fathers, who was made a king by the voice of the people. #RandolphHarris 14 of 19

“Lamanites, and we will be their slaves; for it is better that we be slaves to the Nephites than to pay tribute to the king of the Lamanites. And now, king Limhi commanded his guards that they should no more bind Ammon nor his brethren, but caused that they should go to the hill which was north of Shilom, and bring their brethren into the city that thereby they might eat, and drink, and rest themselves from the labours of their journey; for they had suffered many things; they had suffered hunger thirst, and fatigue. And now, it came to pass on the morrow that king Limhi sent a proclamation among all his people, that thereby they might gather themselves together to the temple, to hear the words which he should speak unto them. And it came to pass that when they had gathered themselves together he spake unto them in this wise, saying: O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there remains an effectual struggle to be made. Therefore, lift of your heads and rejoice, and put your trust in God, in that God who was the God of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; and also, that God who brought the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the Red Sea on dry ground, and fed them with manna that they might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things did he do for them. #RandolphHarris 15 of 19

“And again, that same God has brought our fathers out of the land of Jerusalem, and has kept and preserved his people even until now; and behold, it is because of our iniquities and abominations that he has bought us into bondage. And ye all are witnesses this day, that Zeniff, who was made king over this people, he being overzealous to inherit the land of his fathers, therefore being deceived by the cunning and craftiness of king Laman, who having entered into a treaty with king Zeniff, and having yielded up into his hands the possessions of a part of the land, or even city of Shilom; and the land round about—and all this he did, for the sole purpose of bringing this people into subjection or into bondage. And behold, we at this time do pay tribute to the king of the Lamanites, to the amount of one half of our corn, and our barley, and even one half of the increase of our flocks and our herds; and even one half of all we have or possess the king of the laminates doth exact of us, or our lives. And now, is not this grievous to be borne? And is not this, our affliction, great? Now behold, how great are the reasons which we have to mourn. Yea, I say unto you, great are the reasons which we have to mourn; for behold how many of our brethren have been slain, and their blood has been spilt in vain, and all because of iniquity. #RandolphHarris 16 of 19

“For if this people had not fallen into transgression the Lord would not have suffered that this great evil should come upon them. However, behold, they would not hearken unto his words; but there arouse contentions among them, even so much that they did shed blood among themselves. And a prophet of the Lord shave they slain; yea, a chose man of God, who told them of their wickedness and abominations, and prophesied of many things which are to come, yea, even the coming of Christ. And because he said unto them that Christ was the first God, the Father of all things, and said that he should take upon him the image after which humans were created in the beginning; or in other words, he said that humans were created after the image of God, and that God should come down among the children of humans, and take upon him flesh and blood, and go forth upon the face of the Earth—and now, because he said this, they did put him to death; and many more things did they do which brought down the wrath of God upon them. Therefore, who wondereth that they are in bondage, and that they are smitten with sore afflictions? For behold, the Lord hath said: I will not succor my people in the day of their transgressions; but I will hedge up their ways that they prosper not; and their doings shall be as a stumbling block before them. #RandolphHarris 17 of 19

“And again, he saith: If my people shall sow filthiness they shall reap the chaff thereof in whirlwind; and the effect thereof is poison. And again he saith: If my people shall sow filthiness, they shall reap the east wind, which bringeth immediate destruction. And now, behold, the promise of the Lord is fulfilled, and ye are smitten and afflicted. However, if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, He will, according to His own will and pleasures, deliver you out of bondage,” reports Mosiah 7.1-33. O my Saviour, please help me. I am slow to learn, so prone to forget, so weak to climb; I am in the foothills when I should be on the heights; I am pained by my graceless heart, my prayerless days, my poverty of love, my sloth in the Heavenly race, my sullied conscience, my wasted hours, my unspent opportunities. I am blind while light shines around me: please take the scales from my eyes, grind to dust the evil heart of unbelief. Make it my chiefest joy to study Thee, gaze on Thee, sit like Mary at Thy feet, lean like John on Thy breast, appeal like Peter to Thy love, count like Paul all things dung. Please give me increase and progress in grace so that there may be more decision in my character, more vigour in my purposes, more elevation in my life, more fervour in my devotion, more constancy in my zeal. #RandolphHarris 18 of 19

As I have position in the World, please keep me from making the World my position; may I never seek in the creature what can be found only in the creator; please let not faith cease from seeking Thee until it vanishes into sight. Please ride forth in me, Thou King of kings and Lord of lords, that I may live victoriously, and in victory attain my end. By virtue of this Mystery, I beseech Thee, O Lord, to please guard thy servants wit perpetual protection; that we may serve Thee with an undistracted mind, and be quiet from fear of evil under Thy shelter; through Jesus Christ our Lord. O God, Who restorest human nature to a higher than its original dignity, please look on the ineffable mystery of Thy loving-kindness; and in those whom Thou hast been pleased to renew by the mysteries of regeneration, please preserve the gifts of Thy perpetual grace and blessing; through Jesus Christ our Lord. O God, Who openest the entrance of the kingdom of Heaven to those only who are born again of Water and the Holy Spirit, please increase evermore on Thy servants the gifts of Thy grace; that they who have been cleansed from all sins, may not be defrauded of any promises; through our Lord Jesus Christ. #RandolphHarris 19 of 19

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