Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it. “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted,” reports Ecclesiastes 3.1. It is not import for people to spill their guts in relationship, but to be accessible, capable of being known. When the invitation to pray, experiment, or encounter is repeatedly declined by people, then the delicate problem of resistance must be considered. Resistances are blockages to that which is palpably relevant (for instance, threatening, anxiety-provoking). Resistances are not to be taken lightly, from the experiential standpoint. To the contrary, they are viewed as vital methods of self-preservation. Although such methods may at first seem crude, crippling, or even life-denying, to mist people they are starkly preferable to the alternatives. Individuals invested in smallness, for example, may perceive their only option to be obliteration. With choices like these, it is no wonder beings sabotage their own growth. Accordingly, I always try to be respectful of resistances, acknowledging both their life-giving and their life-taking qualities. I also try to be cognizant of the problems of prematurely challenging peoples’ resistance, which can often end up exacerbating their conditions rather than alleviating them. #RandolphHarris 1 of 18

If ignorance is bliss, why are not more people happy? There are two additional point to beat in mind about the experiential approach to resistance. First, it may be overly intense for given clients. To the extent that this is the case, semi- or nonexperiential alternative approaches may be in order. Second, although experiential approaches to resistance are cultivated throughout the treatment process, they are particularly relied upon in the closing stages of therapy—when people face the greatest pressure to change. Now let us focus on two important experiential tools for handling resistances—therapeutic vivification and confrontation. There are many times when it is better to indirectly, rather than directly, confront resistance. This is so, not only because direct confrontation can therapeutically backfire, but also because it can convey the wrong message to people—that the power of transformation is possessed by the therapist. However, from the experiential standpoint, this is a deception. For it is the client who must discover that power, and it is the client who must grapple with its consequences. Vivifying resistance, accordingly, is one way to empower clients to transform. How does vivification proceed? By gradually and methodically “holding a mirror up” to people—helping them to see that kinds of World they have constructed, the kinds of compromises they have made to maintain those World, and the degree of courage necessary to overcome their situations. #RandolphHarris 2 of 18

While these means may seem simplistic at first—for what the people would deny such knowledge about one’s World—they are eminently sensible to those who know how deeply one must plumb to risk the anxieties of growth. Put another way, vivification helps clients to—supportively and productively—“hit bottom” in their lives and then mobilizes their commitment to change. It is obvious that the tendency to deprive or exploit, like all the other hostile tendencies we have discussed, not only arises from impaired personal relations but results in further impairment. Particularly if this tendency is more or less unconscious, as is usually the case, it necessarily renders the person self-conscious or even timid toward others. One may behave and feel free and natural toward persons from whom one does not expect anything, but one will become self-conscious as soon as there is any possibility of getting any advantage from someone. The advantage may concern tangible things, such as information or a recommendation, or it may concern something much less tangible, such as the mere possibility of future favours. A neurotic of this type may be frank and natural with people for whom one does not care, but feel embarrassed and constrained toward a being whom one wants to like one, because, for one, obtaining one’s affection is identified with getting something out of one. #RandolphHarris 3 of 18

Person of this type may have an exceptionally good earning capacity, thus leading their impulses into profitable channels. More often, they will develop inhibitions concerning the earning of money, so that they will hesitate to ask for pay or will do a great deal of work without getting an adequate reward, thus appearing to behave more generously than is really the case. They are likely then to become discontented at their inadequate earnings, often without knowing the reason for the discontentment. If the neurotic’s inhibitions become so ramified that they pervade one’s whole personality the result will be a general incapacity to stand on one’s own feet, and one will have to be supported by others. One will then lead a parasitic kind of existence, thus satisfying one’s exploiting tendencies. This parasitic attitude will not necessarily appear in the gross form of “the World owes me a living,” but may take the  more subtle form of expecting others to do one favours, to take the initiative, to give one ideas for one’s work, in short, expecting others to take the responsibility for one’s life. The result is an odd attitude toward life in general: one has no clear conception that this is one’s own life, and that it is up to one to make something out of it or to spoil it, but one lives as if what happens to one were no concern of one’s own, as if good and evil came from the outside without one’s having anything to do about it, as if one had a right to expect the good things from others and to blame them for all bad things. #RandolphHarris 4 of 18

Since in these circumstances usually more bad than good is produced, a growing embitterment against the World is almost inevitable. This parasitic attitude can be found also in the neurotic need for affection, especially when the need for affection takes the form of a craving for material favours. Another frequent outcome of the neurotic’s tendency to deprive or exploit is an anxiety that one will be cheated or exploited by others. One may live in a perpetual fear that someone will take advantage of one, that money or ideas will be stolen from one, and one will react to every person one meets with the fear that the person might want something from one. A seemingly disproportionate amount of anger is discharged if one is really cheated, if, for example, an Uber or Lyft driver does not take the shortest route, or if a cashier overcharged one. The psychic value of protecting one’s own abusing tendencies on others is obvious. It is far more pleasant to feel a righteous indignation at others than to face a problem of one’s own. Moreover, hysterical persons often use accusations as a means of intimidation, or bullying the other into feeling guilty and thus letting oneself be abused. The aims and functions of the neurotics striving for power, prestige and possession can be very roughly schematized as follows: #RandolphHarris 5 of 18

It is an achievement to see and emphasize the importance of these strivings, the role they play in neurotic manifestations and the disguises in which they appear. It is, however, often assumed these strivings are the foremost trend in human nature, not in themselves requiring any explanation; their intensification in neurotics can be traced back to feelings of inferiority and to physical in adequacies. Dr. Freud has also seen many of the implications of these strivings, but he does not regard them as belonging together. The striving for prestige he considers an expression of narcissistic tendencies. He would originally have considered the strivings for power and possession, and the hostility involved in them, as derivatives of the “anal-sadistic stage.” Later, however, he recognizes that such hostilities could not be reduced to a sexual basis, and assumed them to be an expression of a “death instinct,” thus remaining faithful to one’s biological orientation. Many psychiatrists have recognized the role that anxiety plays in bringing about such drives, not has either of them seen the cultural implications in the forms in which they are expressed. The ways of obtaining power, prestige, and possession differ in different cultures. They may come by right of inheritance or they may come from the individual’s possession of certain qualities appreciated by one’s cultural group, such as courage, cunning, capacity to cure the sick or communicate with supernatural powers, mental instability, and the like. #RandolphHarris 7 of 18

Some people claim to be “baby gods,” as a way of expression their superiority over other humans, and it also indicates their inability to take responsibility for their actions. It is just another justification for mentally ill assuming they are all powerful and above the law, and I suppose their cult leader is their god. It is the same attitude displayed by the followers of Charles Manson. These types of ideas may be acquired also by extraordinary or successful activities, achieved on the basis of given qualities or through the favor of fortuitous circumstances. In our culture inheritance of passion and wealth certainly plays a role. If, however, power, prestige, and possession have to be acquired by the individual’s own efforts one is compelled to enter into competitive struggles with others. From its economic center competition is a problem for everyone in our culture, and it is not at all surprising to find it an unfailing center of neurotic conflicts. In our culture neurotic competitiveness differs from the normal in three respects. First, the neurotic constantly measures oneself against others, even in situations which do not call for it. Although striving to surpass others is essential in all competitive situation, the neurotic measures oneself against persons who are in no way potential competitors and who have no goal in common with one. The question as to who is the more intelligent, attractive, popular, is indiscriminately applied to everyone. #RandolphHarris 8 of 18

One’s feeling toward life can be compared to that of a jockey in a race, for whom only one thing matters—whether one is ahead of others. This attitude leads necessarily to a loss of impairment of real interest in any cause. It is not the content of what one is doing that matters so much as the question of how much success, impression, prestige will be gained by it. The neurotic may be aware of this attitude of measuring oneself against others, or one may do it automatically without being aware of doing it. One is scarcely ever fully aware of the role it plays for one. Another difference from normal competitiveness is that the neurotic’s ambition is not only to accomplish more than others, or to have greater success that they, but to be unique and exceptional. While one may think in the comparative one’s aims are always in the superlative. One may be perfectly aware of being driven by relentless ambition. More frequently, however, one either represses one’s ambition entirely or partly covers it. In the latter case one may believe, for example, that one cares not for success, but only for the cause one is working for; or one may believe that one does not want to be in the limelight. One’s feeling may be described as an articulate conviction that “only one can succeed,” which is only another way of expressing the idea that “no one but I shall succeed.” There may be an enormous amount of emotional intensity behind one’s destructive impulses. For example, a being who was writing a play was thrown into a blind fury when one heard that a friend of his was working on a play. #RandolphHarris 9 of 18

This impulse to defeat or frustrate the efforts of others may be seen in many relationships. A child with excessive ambition may become impelled by a wish to defeat all one’s parents efforts on one’s behalf. If the parents press one in matters of deportment and social success one will develop a kind of behavior which is socially scandalous. If they concentrate their efforts on one’s intellectual development one may develop such strong inhibitions toward learning that one appears to be feebleminded. I recall two young patents brought to me who were suspected of being feebleminded, although later they proved to be very capable and intelligent. Because of its destructive character competitiveness in neurotic persons gives rise to a huge amount of anxiety, and consequently leads to a recoiling from competition. The question now is, Whence comes this anxiety? It is understandable without any difficulty that one source is a fear of retaliation for the ruthless pursuit of ambition. One who steps on all others, humiliates and crushes them as soon as they have or want to have success, must have the fear that they will want just as intensely to defeat one. However, such a retaliation fear, although it will be active in everyone who achieves success at the expense of others, is scarcely the whole reason for the neurotic’s increased anxiety and one’s consequent inhibition toward competition. #RandolphHarris 10 of 18

Experience shows that retaliation fear alone does not necessarily lead to inhibitions. On the contrary, it may result merely in a cold-blooded reckoning with the imaginary or real envy, rivalry or malice of others, or in an attempt to expand one’s power in order to be protected from any defeat. A certain type of successful person has only one goal, the acquisition of power and wealth. However, if the structure of such personalities is compared with that of definitely neurotic persons there is one striking difference. The ruthless success-hunter does not care for the affection of others, neither help nor any kind of generosity. One knows that one can reach what one wants by one’s own strength and efforts alone. One will, of course, make use of people, but one care for their good opinion only in so far as it is useful in attaining one own goals. Affection for its own sake means nothing to one. One’s desires and one’s defenses go along one straight line: power, prestige, possession. Even one who is driven to this kind of behaviour by internal conflicts will not develop the usual neurotic characteristics if there is nothing within one to interfere with one’s strivings. Fear will only push one into enhanced efforts to be more successful and more invincible. #RandolphHarris 11 of 18

If one is at all aware of one’s exaggerated self-valuation one’s conscious reaction to it is rather like that of a healthy person. If in dreams one appears as royalty in disguise one may find such dreams funny. However, one’s grandiose fantasies, although consciously one discards them as unreal, have for one an emotional reality-value similar to the value they have for a psychotic. In both cases the reason is the same: they have an important function. Although slender and shaky, they are the pillar on which one’s self-esteem rests, and therefore one has to cling to them. The danger that lies in this function manifests itself in situations in which some blow is dealt the self-esteem. Then the pillar tumbles, one falls, and cannot recover from one’s fall. For example, a girl who had good reasons to believe that she was loved realized that the man was hesitating to marry her. In a talk he told her that he felt to young, too inexperienced to marry, and that he thought it wiser to know other girls before he tied himself definitely. She could not recover from this blow, became depressed, began to feel insecure in her work, developed an enormous fear of failure, with a subsequent desire to withdraw from everything, from people as well as work. This fear was so overwhelming that even encouraging events, such as the man’s later decision that he wished to marry her, and the offer of a better job with much flattering appreciation of her abilities did not reassure her. #RandolphHarris 12 of 18

As we have already indicated, eros (the sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, as sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind) as well as philia (friendly feeling toward) contains an element of epithymia (a longing, especially for what is forbidden; concupiscence, desire, lust). This is most obvious in those cases in which a philia and eros relation is untied with an attraction or fulfilment of pleasures of the flesh. However, it is true not only in these cases. It is always true. In this respect depth psychology has discovered a side of human existence which should not be covered again by idealistic or moralistic fears and postulates. The appetitus (natural/instinctive desire) of every being to fulfill itself through union with other beings is universal and underlies the eros as well as the philia quality of love. There is an element of libido even in the most spiritualized friendship and in the most ascetic mysticism. A saint without libido would cease to be a creature. However, there is no such saint. Up to this point the quality of love which dominates the New Testament, the agape (the highest form of love, charity) quality, has been disregarded. This has been done not because agape is the last and highest form of love, but because agape enters from another dimension into the whole of life and into all qualities of love. #RandolphHarris 13 of 18

One could call agape the depth of love or love in relation to the ground of life. One could say that in agape ultimate reality manifests itself and transforms life and love. Agape is love cutting into love, just as revelation is reason cutting into reason and the Word of God is the Word cutting into all words. If love is the drive towards the reunion of the separated, it is hard to speak meaningfully of self-love. For within the unity of self-consciousness there is no real separation, comparable to the separation of a self-centered being from all others beings. Certainly the completely self-centered beings, humans, are self-centered only because one’s self is split into a self which is subject and a self which is object. However, there is neither separation in this structure, nor the desire for reunion. Self-love is a metaphor, and it should not be treated as a concept. The lack of conceptual clarity in the concept of self-love is manifest in the fact that the term is used in three different and partly contradictory sense. It is used in the sense of natural self-affirmation (for instance loving one’s neighbour as oneself). It is used in the sense of selfishness (for instance, the desire to draw all things into oneself). It is used in the sense of self-acceptance (for further illustration, the affirmation of oneself in the way which one is affirmed by God). It would be an important step towards semantic clarification if the term “self-love” were completely removed and replaced by self-affirmation, selfishness, and self-acceptance according to the context. #RandolphHarris 14 of 18

Living on the boundary between home and international land is to leave one’s own country over and over again, and to go into a land that is shown unto one, and to trust the promise which for one is purely transcendent. This conviction will draw us beyond the narrow confines of nationalism. Humankind as such is a symbol for that which lies beyond history, the Kingdom of God, in which the border between home and international land has ceased to be a border. Facing the Unconditional, all life is lived on a border-line. In unity with the Unconditional, all boundary situations are ultimate. To stand on many borderlines means to experience in many forms the unrest, insecurity and inner limitation of existence, and to know that inability of attaining serenity, security and perfection. That is true of life as well as of thought. However, there is a boundary of human activity which is no longer the dividing line between two possibilities—the Good and the True. In its presence, even the very centre of our being is only a boundary, and our utmost perfection only a fragment. “And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense [apologia] to everyone who asks you to give an account [logos] for the hope that is in your, yet with gentleness and reverence reports 1 Peter 3.14-15. Two key words are central to Peter’s meaning: apologia and logos. #RandolphHarris 15 of 18

The word apologia means to defend something, for example, offering absolute arguments for and responding to negative arguments against your position in a courtroom. It is important to recognize that this is exactly how the apostle Paul did evangelism (Acts 14.15-17, 17.2,4,17-34; 18.4; 19.8). One persuaded people to become Christians by offering rational arguments on behalf of the truth of the gospel. He even cited approvingly two pagan philosophers, Epimenides and Aratus (acts 17.28), as part of his case for the gospel. In 1 Peter 3.15, the apostle does not suggest that we be prepared to do this, he commands it. The word logos means “evidence or argument which provides rational justification for some belief.” If you know something, what you know must at least be true and you must believe it. If you said you knew it was raining outside, but either it was not raining outside or you did not even believe it was, others would rightly be puzzled at your claim to knowledge. However, knowledge is more than just true beliefs. We all have many true beliefs that do not count as knowledge. IF someone hits you on the head and, as a result, somehow you form the true belief that a methane molecule has four carbon atoms in it, no one would claim that you knew this to be the case, especially compared to a scientist who had spent five years studying methane. You and the scientist both have true beliefs about methane, but one has knowledge and you do not. #RandolphHarris 16 of 18

What is the difference? The scientist has a true belief plus logos (evidence) and you fail to have logos. He scientist has good reasons that justify his true belief, you have blind faith that just happens to be true. Applied to our passage, Peter is saying that we are to be prepared to give rational arguments and good reasons for why we believe what we believe, and this involves the mind. Peter’s reference to gentleness and reverence implies that we are to argue but not be argumentative. Have you ever been afraid to stand up for Christ when the opportunity presented itself? Or when you have done so, have you come off as shallow, reactionary, and defensive? If so, there is nothing magical about changing your life in this area. First, as with every other area of life, you have to study hard and gain an intellectual grasp of the issues so you can be confident and courageous. Second, you need to be sure that Jesus Christ is the Lord  believers being intimidated by powerful forces outside the church. “Whatsoever thing persuadth people to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no being to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves into him,” reports Moroni 7.17. #RandolphHarris 17 of 18

Thou righteous and holy Sovereign, in whose hand is my life and whose are all my ways, keep me from fluttering about religion; fix me firm in it, for I am irresolute; my decisions are smoke and vapour, and I do not glorify thee, or behave accordingly to thy will; cut me not off before my thoughts grow to responses and the budding of my soul into full flower, for thou art forbearing and good, patient and kind. Save me from myself, form the artifices and deceits of sin, from the treachery of my perverse nature from denying thy charge against my offences, from a life of continual rebellion against thee, from wrong principles, views, and ends; for I know that all my thoughts, affections, desires and pursuits are alienated from thee. I have acted as if I hated thee, although thou art love itself; have contrived to tempt thee to the uttermost, to wear out thy patience; have lived evilly in word and action. Had I been a prince I would long ago have crushed such a rebel; had I been a prince I would long ago have crushed such a rebel; had I been a father I would long since have rejected my child. O, thou Father of my spirit, thou King of my life, cast me not into destruction drive me not from thy presence, but wound my heart that it may be healed; break it that thine own hand may make it whole. And we forget because we must and not because we will. #RandolphHarris 18 of 18

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