The soul is the temple of learning, and learning has liberated more people than all the wars in history. The communication in therapy must under no circumstances be considered mere repetition, as orthodox analysts believe, that is to say, as transference and counter-transference in the absolute case, as resistance and counter-resistance in the negative one; rather, the relationship between patient and doctor invariably constitutes an autonomous communicative novum, a new existential bond. In the beginning of therapy, questions such as, “What do you feel now?” or “What would you really want?” may bring the patient close to a panic. One becomes aware for a moment how deeply one’s capacity for spontaneous feeling or wanting is impaired. The patient needs emotional insight. Such insight is rarely verbalized. The patient may be silent or cry or laugh or do both at the same time. One may perspire, have palpitations, or breathe heavily. If one could verbalize one’s insight—it is characteristic that one cannot usually do it—one might say, “Yes, now I see: it is me, not they. It is me, not fate.” These changes in the aesthetical person who experiences everything as coming from without to the ethical person, who, transparent to oneself, knows that everything depends upon what one sees, feels, and does. From error at one end to truth at the other, the journey is long and tedious. #RandolphHarris 1 of 14

In psychoanalytic terms it is the change from the feeling of being a victim of fate, constitution, the environment of the unconscious, to experiencing one’s conflicts within oneself, and oneself as an active force in one’s life. It is a prerequisite for moving in the direction of freedom, choice, and responsibility. I think therefore I am. It is never bare thought or bare existence that we are aware of. I find myself rather as essentially a unity of emotions, of enjoyments, of hopes, of fears of regrets, valuations of alternatives, decisions—all of these are subjective reactions to my environment as I am active in my nature. My unity is my process of shaping this welter of material into a consistent pattern of feelings. I am able to shape feelings, sensibilities, enjoyments, hopes into a pattern that makes me aware of myself as man or woman. However, I cannot shape them into a pattern as a purely subjective act. I can do it only as I am related to the immediate objective World in which I live. Passion can destroy the self. However, this is not passion for form; it is passion gone beserk. Passion obviously can be diabolic as well as symbolic—it can deform as well as form; it can destroy meaning and produce chaos again. There are tests, dangers, and pitfalls at various stages of this Quest for Truth. It is inevitable that a seeking mind—as differentiated from a stodgy one—should pass through various progressive phases of thinking. #RandolphHarris 2 of 14

We can compare alienated people to Italian villas that have closed their shutters against the glaring Sun. Inside, however, in subdued light exciting events are happening. It often is the dream that opens the shutters for a moment. As a pupil widens in the dark, the dream widens the scope of our self-awareness which, during the daytime is restricted by compulsive focusing on emergences, action, and defense. Self-alienation is temporarily lessened. The dream becomes a door to the larger self. It has access to aspects of our selves, neurotic as well as healthy, which we are rejecting or repressing. With progress in therapy, the dreams of the alienated person who appears emotionally dead often begin to reveal surprising aliveness and depth, passionate longings, strong feelings of loss and sadness, and conflict between moving into life and resignation. They may confront one with one’s emotional deadness, one’s unlived life. The neglect of the growth of one’s real self may be symbolized by a plant that needs water, a kitten that needs shelter, a baby that needs food. The richest person in the World—in fact, all the riches in the World—could not provide you with anything like the endless, incredible loot available in your soul.  #RandolphHarris 3 of 14

Early in therapy—earlier than memories or free associations which here are often sparse—dreams reconnect the alienated persons, who is disconnected from one’s past and one’s roots, with one’s childhood when one’s feelings were more spontaneous and genuine, with one’s adolescence when one faced the conflicts of growing up, with times in one’s life when one was closer to one’s real self, when one’s heart was alive, and when one took a stand for one’s self. The past here enters the dream as a symbol of the potential present, as a symbol of the dreamer’s own spontaneity, genuineness, and capacity for commitment. You can measure the awareness, the breadth and the wisdom of a civilization, a nation, a people by the priority given to preserving their state of mind. Originating in one’s self, dreams often convince the person that there is more strength, more courage, more self available in one than one was aware of. Dreams may help one to move from alienation and self-rejection to genuine self-acceptance: acceptance of the self with its human limitations but with awareness of the potentiality as well as the responsibility for further growth. The person may experience in a dream a new feeling of love and responsibility for a growing child that resemble one. Or one may meet and accept a person who symbolizes an aspect of oneself one had violently rejected before. #RandolphHarris 4 of 14

A Jewish immigrant, proud of his successful Americanization, met in his dream a strange-looking Ghetto inmate who reminded him of his father and, after initial hesitation, welcome him warmly. A girl who had left the South, rebelling against parents and home, in her dream saw herself, to her own surprise, welcome cordially a girl whose Southern drawl revealed her own identity. Therapy often is seen in dreams first as a molding procedure, a threat, a humiliation, an invasion of privacy. Later, when the ice-wall of alienation is slowly beginning to melt, violent split-image dreams may occur, which show symbol of the emerging larger self in violent struggle with the old neurotic self, which is often idealized. Such dreams, if they are experientially owned by the individual, are often accompanied by that feeling of explosive rage and the sudden eruption of the long-repressed hunger for life. Some people are ready to start life over again, and total emotional involvement in rage and conflict often precedes acceptance of self. Relating closely often contains for the alienated individual the threat of losing one’s weak identity. In a person, who is frightened of contact and longing for contact at the same time, the usual psychoanalytic technique often results only in a series of negative therapeutic reactions because for a long time the maintenance of the alienation appears to the individual as the only way to survive as a person. #RandolphHarris 5 of 14

The therapeutic hour often allows communication which enables the person to overcome his or her sense of alienation from the humankind. However, it does not suffice in itself for a genuine experience of new form. It assuages, but it does not produce the new form. An overcoming of the chaos on a deeper level is required, and this can only be done with some kind of insight. After many details of one’s background fall into place, one will be able to cut the psychological umbilical cord which one previously did not know existed. Curiously, persons in such situations give the impression of having ha all along the necessary strength at hand to make these changes; it was just a matter of waiting for the “Sun of order” to melt aware “the fog of confusion.” In persons in whom the craving for prestige is uppermost, hostility usually takes the form of a desire to humiliate others. This desire is paramount in those persons whose own self-esteem has be wounded by humiliation and who have thus become vindictive. Usually they have gone through a series of humiliating experiences in childhood, experiences that may have had to do either with the social situation in which they grew up—such as belonging to a marginalized group, or being themselves less affluent but having wealthy relatives—or with their own individual situation, such as being discriminated against for the sake of other children, being spurned, being treated as a plaything by the parents, being sometimes spoiled and other times shamed and snubbed. #RandolphHarris 6 of 14

Often experiences of this kind are forgotten because of their painful character, but they reappear in awareness if the problems concerning humiliation are clarified. In adult neurotics, however, never the direct but only the indirect results of these childhood situations can be observed, results which have been reinforce by passing through a vicious circle; a feeling of humiliation; a desire to humiliate others; enhanced sensitivity to humiliation because of a fear of retaliation; enhanced wish to humiliate others. The tendencies to humiliate are deeply repressed, usually because the neurotic, knowing from one’s own sensitivity how hurt and vindictive one feels when humiliated, is instinctively afraid of similar reactions in others. Nevertheless some of these tendencies may emerge without one’s being conscious of it: in an inadvertent disregard of others, such as letting them wait, in inadvertently bringing others into embarrassing situations, in letting others feel dependent. Even if the neurotic is completely unaware of wishing to humiliate others or having done so, one’s relations with them will be pervaded by a diffuse anxiety which is revealed in constant anticipation of rebuke or humiliation for oneself. #RandolphHarris 7 of 14

Inhibitions resulting from this sensitivity to humiliation often appear in the form of a need to avoid anything which might possibly seems humiliating to others; such a neurotic, for example, may be incapable of criticizing, of refusing an offer, of dismissing an employee, with the result that one often appears overconsiderate or over-polite. Finally, a tendency to humiliate may be hidden behind a tendency to admire. Since inflicting humiliation and bestowing admiration are diametrically opposed, the latter offers the best means of eradicating or concealing tendencies toward the former. This is the reason also why both these extremes are frequently to be found in the same person. There are several ways in which two attitudes may be distributed, the reasons for the distribution being dependent on the individual. They may appear separately in different periods of life, a period of a general contempt for people succeeding a period of hero-worship; there may be admiration for men and contempt for women, or vice versa; or there may be blind admiration for one or two persons, and just as blind a contempt for the rest of the World. It is in the process of analysis that one can observe that the two attitudes in reality exist together. #RandolphHarris 8 of 14

The entire being, who feels all needs by turns, will take nothing as an equivalent for life but the fullness of living itself. Since the essence of things are as a matter of fact disseminated through the whole extent of time and space, it is in their spread-outness and alternation that one will enjoy them. When weary of the concrete clash and dust and pettiness, one will refresh oneself by a bath in the eternal springs, or fortify oneself by a look at the immutable natures. However, one will only be a visitor, not a dweller in the region; one will never carry the philosophic yoke upon one’s shoulders, and when tired of the gray monotony of one’s problems and insipid spaciousness of one’s results, will always escape gleefully into the teeming and dramatic richness of the concrete World. Every way of classifying a thing is but a way f handling it for some particular purpose. Sometimes people tend to subordinate themselves, taking second place, leaving the limelight to others; one will be appeasing, conciliatory, and—at least consciously—bears no grudge. Any wish for vengeance or triumph is so profoundly repressed that one often wonders at one’s being so easily reconciled and at one’s never harboring resentment for long. Important in this context is one’s tendency automatically to shoulder blame. #RandolphHarris 9 of 14

Again, quite regardless of one’s real feelings—that is, whether one really feels guilty or not—one will accuse oneself rather than others and tend to scrutinize oneself or be apologetic in the face of obviously unwarranted criticism or anticipated attack. There is an imperceptible transition from these attitudes to definite inhibitions. Because any kind of aggressive behavior is taboo, we find here inhibitions in regard to being assertive, critical, demanding, giving orders, making an impression, striving for ambitious goals. Also, because one’s life is altogether oriented toward others, one’s inhibitions often prevent one from doing things for oneself or enjoying things by oneself. This may reach a point where any experience not shared with someone—whether a meal, a show, music, nature—becomes meaningless. Needless to say, such a rigid restriction on enjoyment not only impoverishes life but makes dependence on others all the greater. Apart from one’s idealization of the qualities just names, this type has certain characteristic attitudes toward oneself. One is the pervasive feeling that one is weak and helpless—a “poor little me” feeling. When left to one’s own resources one feels lost, like a boat loosed from its moorings, or like Cinderella bereft of her fairy godmother. #RandolphHarris 10 of 14

This helplessness is in part real; certainly the feeling that under no circumstances could only possibly fight or compete does promote actual weakness. Besides, one frankly admits one’s helplessness to oneself and others. It may be dramatically emphasized in dreams as well. One often resorts to it as a means of appeal or defense: “You must love me, protect me, forgive me, not desert me, because I am so weak and helpless.” A second characteristic grows out of one’s tendency to subordinate oneself. One takes it for granted that everyone is superior to one, that they are more attractive, more intelligent, better educated, more worth while than one. There is factual basis for this feeling in that one’s lack of assertiveness and firmness does impair one’s capacities; but even in fields where one is unquestionably able one’s feeling of inferiority leads one to credit the other fellow—regardless of one’s merit—with greater competence than one’s own. In the presence of aggressive or arrogant persons one’s sense of one’s own worthiness shrinks still more. However, even when alone one’s tendency is to undervalue not only one’s qualities, talents, and abilities but one’s material possessions as well. #RandolphHarris 11 of 14

A third typical feature is a part of one’s general dependence upon others. This is one’s unconscious tendency to rate oneself by what others think of one. One’s self-esteem rises and falls with their approval or disapproval, their affection or lack of it. Hence any rejection is actually catastrophic for one. if someone fails to return an invitation one may be reasonable about it consciously, but in accordance with the logic of the particular inner World in which one lives, the barometer of one’s self-esteem drops to zero. In other words any criticism, rejection, or desertion is a terrifying danger, and one may make the most abject effort to win back the regard of the person who has thus threatened one. One’s offering of the other cheek is not occasioned by some mysterious masochistic drive but is the only logical thing one can do on the basis of one’s inner premises. All of this contributes to one’s special set of values. Naturally, the values themselves are more or less lucid and confirmed according to one’s general maturity. They are possessed in the direction of goodness, sympathy, love, generosity, unselfishness, humility; while egotism, ambition, callousness, unscrupulousness, wielding of power are abhorred—though these attributes may at the same time be secretly admired because they represent strength. #RandolphHarris 12 of 14

These, then, are the elements involved in a neurotic moving toward people. It mist be apparent now how inadequate it would be to describe them by any one term like submissive or dependent, for a whole way of thinking, feeling, acting—a whole way of life—is implicit in them. The ascending degrees of initiation into higher understanding of truth and large capacity to receive contemplative awareness open themselves to Go one by one as one passes each subjective testing leading to the Lord. These tests consist, in the lower grades, of willingness to submit physical habits, passions, and desires to discipline and, in higher grades, willingness to submit thoughts and feelings to God. In all, they lead to a progressive detachment from the material World and the ego. This momentary glimpse of God provides the real beginning of our quest. The uninterrupted realization of it provides the final ending. When we begin to sense the inner peace and exaltation, one may understand how real this inner life is and paradoxically how unintelligible, indescribable, and immaterial from the ordinary standpoint. It is something, and yet not something which can be put into shape or form graspable by the five sense. Anyway it is there and it is the Immortal soul.  #RandolphHarris 13 of 14

The personal beings needs to grow and develop adequately as a human. Only after this does one reach the stage when it is sage, and not premature, to undo the ego, and destroy its rule. For after this point the latter becomes a tyranny when the task now is to make is a subservience. It is good as a beginning to believe in God. It is admirable as the next step to come closer to God by worship—but it is not enough. It is a fulfillment of a still higher duty to try to know that in us which is the link with Go, which in contrast to a being is of a godlike nature. The order of progress is from belief to knowledge, and thence to love that which is known. If a being comes to this quest by thought or by suffering or by fate, one will end by love if one remains with it, love of that which chines forth during one’s first glimpse, love of God. It is like the child losing, then finding, its parent. “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall revile against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is me, saith the Lord,” reports 3 Nephi 22.17. Be a little careful of your soul. DO you foresee what you will do with it? Well, the real question is, What it will do with you? You soul will open your eyes, and your ears, and your curiosity, and turn you inside out or outside in. #RandolphHarris 14 of 14