The late afternoon was Heavenly. To be that in love, to know that frenzy of the heart—even know, young as I still am, I look back on it as something that was part of the innocence of childhood. That it could come again, I do not even dream of, that I should ever know such a consuming happiness is impossible. Work, popular culture, politics, science—all contribute to the alienation of modern beings. However, they tell us little about being’s community life or their isolation from each other because of social status, age, or race. Poverty is only one of many isolating factors. Improvement in social status may also lead to alienation. There were two families transplanted to a new suburban development from the East End of London (an area corresponding socially to the lower East Side of Manhattan). These people left the intimacy and solidarity of a slum with its close ties for a chiller life in new surroundings. How keenly East Enders feel the difference is made abundantly clear. Now their lives are no longer focused on people but on their houses and possessions, on the struggle for status. Frequently there was considerable bitterness. However, for the he East End families soon after the move to the suburbs, warmer relations did develop later on. #RandolphHarris 1 of 17

However, if people are united chiefly by competition for social status, can this ever take the place of family-centered community life? “Neighbors do not make up for kin.” The suburban environment has been made familiar to us in numerous American studies, such as The Lonely Crown, Crestwood Heights, The Exurbanites, and The Organization Man. What is interesting is that the expanding metropolis loosens the ties of kin and neighborhood in the very process of building new communities. In breaking up the traditional family-centered life, modern society deal harshly with those who are most vulnerable, particularly the aged. Among the aged, there is a distinction to be drawn between social isolation and loneliness. In the first state the aged person has few social contacts; in the second one feels cut off, especially if one has lost a loved one. The isolation of the aged is grim enough; but when the aged are also bereaved, the result is not just loneliness but often a rapid decline of faculties and even of the will to live. To sustain the aged our society has found no substitute for the same. The isolation of the nuclear family from its roots is just one of the ways in which beings become separated from each other. #RandolphHarris 2 of 17

To be a poor being is hard, but to be a poor race in a land of dollars is the very bottom of hardships. Less affluent people want to be treated like human beings. People who have mastered Kant, Hegel, Shakespeare, Marx, Freud, and the Bible find this statement utterly impenetrable. However, the neurotic need for affection often take the form of a sexual infatuation or an insatiable hunger for gratifications of pleasures of the flesh. In view of this fact we have to raise the question whether the whole phenomenon of the neurotic need for affection is prompted by dissatisfaction in pleasures of the flesh, whether all this longing for affection, for contact, for appreciation, for support is motivated not so much by a need for reassurance as by dissatisfied libido. Dr. Freud would be inclined to look at it that way. He has seen that many neurotic persons are anxious to attach themselves to others and prone to cling to them; and he has described this attitude as resulting from dissatisfied libido. This concept, however, is based on certain premises. It presupposes that all those manifestations which are not pleasures of the flesh in themselves, such as the wish to get advice, approval or support, are expressed of pleasures of the needs that have been attenuated or sublimated. Furthermore, it presupposed that tenderness is an inhibited or sublimated express of drives in pleasures of the flesh. #RandolphHarris 3 of 17

Such presuppositions are unsubstantiated. The connections between feelings of affection, expressions of tenderness and sexuality are not so close as we sometimes assume. Anthropologist and historians tell us that individual love is a product of cultural development. Pleasures of the flesh have a closer affiliation with cruelty than with tenderness, although some do not find this so convincing. From observations made in our culture we know, however, that pleasures of the flesh can exist without affection or tenderness, and that affection or tenderness can exist without pleasures of the flesh. There is no evidence, for instance, that the tenderness between mother and child is sexual in nature. All that we can observe—and that as a result of Dr. Freud’s discovery—is that elements of pleasures of the flesh may be present. We can observe many connections between tenderness and pleasures of the flesh: tenderness may be for forerunner of pleasures of the flesh feelings; one may have desires for pleasures of the flesh while being aware only of tender feelings; desires for pleasures of the flesh may stimulate or pass into tender feelings. While such transitions between tenderness and pleasures of the flesh definitely indicate a close relation between them, it is nevertheless seems better to be more cautious and to assume the existence of two different categories of feelings, which may coincide, pass into each other or substitute for each other. #RandolphHarris 4 of 17

Moreover, if we accept Dr. Freud’s assumptions that dissatisfied libido is the driving force for seeking affection, it would scarcely be understandable why we find the same craving for affection, with all the complications described—possessiveness, unconditional love, not feeling wanted, and so forth—in persons whose sexual life from the physical point of view is entirely satisfactory. As there is no doubt, however, that such cases do exist, the conclusion is inevitable that dissatisfied libido does not account for the phenomenon in these cases, but that the reasons for it are possessed outside the sphere of pleasures of the flesh. Cases like these, with definite disturbances in the emotional sphere coexisting with a capacity for full satisfaction in pleasures of the flesh, have always been a puzzle to some analysts, but the fact that they do not fit into the libido theory does not keep them from existing. Finally, if the neurotic need for affection were nothing but a sexual phenomenon, we should be at a loss to understand the various problems involved, such as possessiveness, unconditional love, feeling of being rejected. It is true that these various problems have been recognized and described in detail: jealousy, for example, is traced back to sibling rivalry or the Oedipus complex; unconditional love is traced back to oral eroticism; possessiveness is explained as anal-eroticism, and so forth. #RandolphHarris 5 of 17

However, it has not been realized that in reality the whole range of attitudes and reactions described belong together, that they are the constituent parts of one total structure. Without recognizing anxiety as the dynamic force behind the need for affection, we cannot understand the precise condition under which the need is enhanced or diminished. By way of Dr. Freud’s ingenious method of free association it is possible, in the process of analysis, to observe accurately the relation between anxiety and the need for affection, particularly by paying attention to the fluctuations in the patient’s need for affection. After a period of co-operative constructive work a patient may suddenly change one’s behavior and make demands on the analyst’s time or crave one’s friendship or admire one blindly, or become exceedingly jealous, possessive, sensitive to being “only a patient.” Simultaneously there is an increase in anxiety, showing either in dreams or in feeling rushed or in physical symptoms such as diarrhea or frequent urge to urinate. The patient does not recognize that there is anxiety or that one’s enhanced clinging to the analyst is conditioned by one’s anxiety. If the analyst recognizes the connection and presents it to the patient, both will discover together that before the sudden infatuation problems were touched upon which stirred up anxiety in the patient; one may, for example, felt an interpretation by the analyst as an unfair accusation or as a humiliation. #RandolphHarris 6 of 17

The sequence of reactions appears to be like this: a problem comes up, discussion of which provokes an intense hostility against the analyst; the patient starts to hate the analyst, to dream that one id dying; one represses one’s hostile impulses immediately, becomes frightened and out of a need for reassurance one clings to the analyst; when these reactions have been worked through, hostility, anxiety and with them the increased need for affection recede into the background. An enhanced need for affection so regularly appears as the result of anxiety that one may safely take it as an alarm signal indicating that some anxiety has come close to the surface and calls for reassurance. The process described is not at all limited to the process of analysis. Identically the same reactions occur in personal relationships. In marriage, for example, a husband may compulsively cling to his wife, be jealous and possessive, idealize and admire her, though deep down one hates and fears her. If one realize that the term gives only a rough description and says nothing about the dynamics of the process, it is justifiable to speak of an exaggerated devotion superimposed on a hidden hatred as an “overcompensation.” #RandolphHarris 7 of 17

If for all the reasons presented we refuse to accept an etiology of pleasures of the flesh and the need for affection, then the question arises whether it is only incidentally that the neurotic need for affection is sometimes coupled with, or appears altogether as, a desire for pleasures of the flesh, or whether there are certain conditions under which the need for affection is felt and expressed in sexual ways. To some extent an expression of pleasures of the flesh and the need for affection depends on whether or not the external circumstances favor it. To some extent it depends on differences in culture, in vitality and in sexual temperament. And finally it depends on whether the person’s life involving pleasures of the flesh is satisfactory, for if it is not, one is more likely to react in a sexual manner than those who have a satisfactory life in pleasures of the flesh. Though all of factors are self-evident, and have a definite influence on the person’s reaction, they do not sufficiently account for basic individual differences. In a given number of persons showing a neurotic need for affection these reactions vary from individual to individual. Thus we find some whose contacts with others assume immediately, almost compulsively, a sexual coloring of greater or lesser intensity, whereas in others the excitability in pleasures of the flesh or the activities in pleasures of the flesh keep within the range of normal feeling and behavior. #RandolphHarris 8 of 17

Belonging to the former group are men and women who slide from one relation in pleasures of the flesh into another. When having no relations or when seeing no immediate chance of having one, a more intimate know of their reactions shows that they feel insecure, unprotected, and are quite erratic. Belonging to the same group, yet having more inhibitions, are men and women who factually have very few relations, but who create an erotic atmosphere between themselves and other persons whether or not they feel particularly attracted by them. Finally, a third group of persons belongs here who are still more inhibited in the pleasures of the flesh, yet wo are easily excited by pleasures of the flesh and compulsively see a potential partner for pleasures of the flesh in any man or woman. In this last sub-group compulsory masturbation may—not necessarily must—take the place of relations in pleasures of the flesh. There are great variation in this group as to the degree of physical satisfaction attained. Wat the group has in common, apart from the compulsory nature of the needs for pleasures of the flesh, is a definite lack of discrimination in the choices of partners. They have the same characteristics that we have already discussed in our general consideration of persons with a neurotic need for affection. #RandolphHarris 9 of 17

In addition one is struck by the discrepancy between their readiness to have relations in pleasures of the flesh, factual or imaginary, and the profound disturbance in their emotional relations to others, a disturbance in their emotional relations to others, a disturbance which is more thorough than in the average person haunted by a basic anxiety. It is not only that these persons cannot believe in affection, but that they actually become deeply perturbed—or, in the case of men, impotent—if love is offered them. They may be aware of their own defensive attitude, or they may be inclined to blame their partners. In the latter case they are convinced that they never met a young lady or man who was lovable. Relations in pleasures of the flesh mean to them not only the release of specific tensions involving the flesh, but also the only way of getting human contact. If a person has developed the conviction that for one obtaining affection is practically out of the question, then physical contact may serve as a substitute for emotional relationships. In that case, if not the only, pleasures of the flesh is the main bridge leading to contact with others, and therefore acquires an inordinate importance. #RandolphHarris 10 of 17

In some persons the lack of discrimination shows itself in regard to the potential partner one is seeking to have pleasures of the flesh with; they will actively seek relations with both genders, or will passively yield to demands in pleasures of the flesh, regardless of whether they are made from a person of the opposite or the same gender. The first type does not interest us here, because though with them too pleasures of the flesh is put into the service of establishing human contact, otherwise difficult to obtain, the precipitating motive is not so much a need for affection as striving to conquer, or more accurately, to subdue others. This striving may be so imperative that the gender distinctions become comparatively unimportant. Men and women both have to be subdued, in pleasures of the flesh, or otherwise. However, those in the second group, who are prone to yield to advances in pleasures of the flesh from either gender, are driven by an unending need for affection, especially by a fear of losing another person through refusing a pleasures of the flesh request, or through daring to defend themselves against any request made upon them, whether just or unjust. They do not want to lose the other person, because the contact with one is so bitterly needed.  Tarqin, in Anne Rice’s novel Blackwood Farm is bisexual and deeply attached to a male and wants to marry a female named Mona. However, he bisexuality is possible due to the fact that he is eighteen, and was told from a young age that he was “queer,” and do to the fact that he was seduced by men and women in his teenage years. #RandolphHarris 11 of 17

Whatever the starting point and however tortuous the road, we must finally arrive at a disturbance of personality as the source of psychic illness. The same can be said of this as of almost any other psychological discovery: it is really a rediscovery. Poets and philosophers of all times have known that it is never the serene, well-balanced person who falls victim to psychic disorders, but the one turn by inner conflicts. In modern terms, every neurosis, no matter what the symptomatic picture, is a character of neurosis. Hence our endeavor in theory and therapy must be directed toward a better understanding of the neurotic character. We must think about the role of cultural factors, their influence on our ideas of what constitutes masculinity or femininity. I have observed that the attitudes and the neuroses of persons in this country differ in many ways from those I have noted in European countries, and that only the difference in civilizations could account for this. Therefore, neuroses are brought about by cultural factors—which more specifically means that neuroses are generated by disturbances in human relationships. Compulsive drives are specifically neurotic; they are born of feelings of isolation, helplessness, fear and hostility, and represent ways of coping with the World despite these feelings; they aim primarily not at satisfaction but at safety; their compulsive character is due to the anxiety lurking being them. #RandolphHarris 12 of 17

Two of these drives—neurotic cravings for affection and for power—stand out at first in clear relief. It has a lot to two with the macrocosm formed by many microcosms interacting upon one another. In the nucleus of each microcosm is a neurotic trend. This theory of neurosis has a practical application. If psychoanalysis did not primarily involve relating our present difficulties to our past experiences but depended rather upon understanding the interplay of forces in our existing personality, then recognizing and changing ourselves with littler or even no expert help is entirely feasible. In the face of widespread need for psychotherapy and a scarcity of available assistance, self-analysis seems to offer the hope of filling a vital need. The neurotic need for affection, compulsive modesty, and the need for a partner belong together. However, what many fail to see is that together they represent a basic attitude toward others and the self, and a particular philosophy of life. These trends are the nuclei of what I have now dawn together as a moving toward people. I see, too, that a compulsive craving for power and prestige and neurotic ambition have something in common. They constitute roughly the factors involved in what I call moving against people. However, the need for admiration and the perfectionist drives, though they have all the earmarks of neurotic trends and influence the neurotic relations with others, see, primarily to concern one’s relations with oneself. #RandolphHarris 13 of 17

Also, the need for exploitation seems to be less basic than either the need for affection or for power; it appears less comprehensive than these, as if it was not a separate entity but has been taken out of some larger whole. Neurotic trends not only reinforce each other, but also create conflict. Nevertheless, conflicts remain a side issues. The conflicts operate between contradictory sets of neurotic trends, and though they originally concern contradictory attitudes towards others, in time they encompass contradictory attitudes toward the self, contradictory qualities and contradictory sets of values. Many people are forcibly blind toward the obvious contradictions within themselves. When they are pointed out, people usually come elusive and seem to lost interest. After repeated experiences of this kind I realized that the elusiveness expresses a profound aversion to tackling these contradictions. Finally, panic reaction in response to a sudden recognition of a conflict shows me I am working with dynamite. People have a good reason to shy away from these conflicts: they dread their power to tear them to pieces. There is also an amazing amount of energy and intelligence that is invested in more or less desperate efforts to solve the conflicts or, more precisely, to deny their existence and create an artificial harmony. #RandolphHarris 14 of 17

There are four major attempts at a solution in about the order in which these conflicts are presented. The initial attempt is to eclipse part of the conflict and raise its opposite to predominance. The second is to move away from people. The function of neurotic detachment now appears in a new light. Detachment is part of the basic conflict—that is, one of the original conflicting attitudes towards others; but is also represents an attempt at solution, since maintaining an emotional distance between the self and others set the conflict out of operation. The third attempt is very different in kind. Instead of moving away from others, the neurotic moves away from oneself. One whole actual self becomes somewhat unreal to one and one created in its place an idealized image of oneself in which the conflicting parts were so transfigured that they no longer appeared as conflicts but as various aspects of a rich personality. The existentialist’s study of the authentic person and of authentic living helps to throw this general phoniness, this living by illusions and by fear into a harsh, clear light which reveals it clearly as sickness, even [though] widely shared. Nonetheless, the discovery of identity, though painful at first, can be ultimately exhilarating and strengthening. Most people experience both tragedy and joy in varying proportions. #RandolphHarris 15 of 17

Gain of infinity is never attained except through despair. The commitment to willingly move forward must be made without fear. If it is not, and one is found fearful the floodgates of self-destruction are  opened and the abysmal waters rush forth to claim their prize. This happens because the spirits encountered seek to destroy humankind. They are indifferent toward the outcome of our physical lives. This issue remains in the fact that many claim to seek power yet when it is received they become scared of the concept of limitless possibility. They are forced to see that the greatest of all evils dwells in their own heart and mind, superseding the limitless power of ancient dark Gods. They are forced to see that they are their own God and, therefore, they are their own Devil, and the illusory paths of salvation are consumed by the flams of that truth. All human beings differ in some respects and in mind as well as in body. Each is unique. Each needs to find one’s own individual path. For in each aspirant there exists a certain direction, tendency, capacity, attribute, or gift along which line the possibility of one’s spiritual development can open up more quickly, freely, and easily than along any other. It is on this line that one should concentrate more effort and so take advantage of what Nature has given one. #RandolphHarris 16 of 17

However, to detect and recognize what is one’s best potentiality requires exploration and search, not only by one’s ordinary faculties but also and especially by one’s more sensitive and intuitive ones. It will not be found all at once but only after much grouping around and feeling one’s way. Time is needed because this hidden possibility does not exist at the surface level. The Earth which surrounds this gem obscures its whereabouts. If one is in a hurry and insists on a premature discovery instead of keeping up the search, one will identify the wrong stone. Once having found it let one stay with it as often and as long as one can. There is a way suited to the particular individuality of each separate person, which will bring out all one’s spiritual possibilities as no other way could. The purpose of all paths being to bring the traveler to the same single destination—union with God—any path which either fulfills this purpose or partially helps to do so, it acceptable. “Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of beings? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel,” reports Alma 26.16 #RandolphHarris 17 of 17