Very well. I am going to lay down the law to you. If I am to remain with you, I am the Master here. And I refuse to prove myself to you. I will not spend my tenure with you being constantly questioned as to the virtue of my authority! Case in point. Whatever I saw out there, I choose to forget. And you have to forget it too. Happiness is the object of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. Humans are born into a social group, their family. Many forms of animal life develop something to human families, but none with such complexity or holding power. Since no animal appears in all nature to come into the World so defenseless, so helpless, so dependent, the human family provides, first of all, a nest, a context, an atmosphere, a buffer against the rest of the World. In this family are virtually all the satisfactions our basic survival needs. In addition to meeting these needs, the truly happy family offers affection, warmth, and security, which are essentials of a later stage of development. However, if the parents give the child the satisfactions for one’s basic needs in accompaniment with the attitudes and behaviors of warmth, love, affection, and pleasure, the child nests into the family structure more easily and gains an attitude toward interdependency that serves one well at every stage of one’s development. #RandolphHarris 1 of 11

The family also provides legal and social status for the child. One has a name, legally given, with all the rights and privileges appertaining thereto, and in the legal eyes of the society, one belongs to somebody and in fact is somebody. One has a legal and group identity. One’s social status (or more correctly statuses) contain several positions that the child occupies. Some of these statuses or positions are ascribed to or conferred on the child at birth. If male, he is given at birth a set of privileges and expectations that the society gives to each male. If female, she also is given both privileges and expectations for her behavior, all social and culturally prescribed. Even though we may have some uphill struggles in our lives, our attitude will determine how we face them. By setting worthwhile goals and keeping our heart and mind focused on them, we will learn self-discipline and accomplish much. Yes, there will be times when climbing a metaphorical mountain grade will be about as much as we can bear, but do not give up, make sure your purpose in life is fixed. Serving an honorable mission, graduating from high school or college, and being worthy of a temple marriage, at your age, may seem like very lofty goals, but if you start climbing now you will be so much better prepared to accomplish them. People who have been wrought upon by the Spirit of God will be healed. #RandolphHarris 2 of 11

If the child is the first-born, one has certain privileges automatically: undivided attention from the parents, the first choice of family names, and the distinction of giving the father and mother their new status as parents. As part of our Heavenly Father’s plan, we are into families. He established families to bring us happiness, to help us learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare of for eternal life. Parents have the vital responsibility to help their children prepare to return to Heavenly Father. Parent fulfill this responsibility by teaching their children to follow Jesus Christ and live the Savior’s gospel. Parents have the first responsibility for the spiritual and physical welfare of their children. A child may, in certain sub-cultures, be automatically Jewish or a Christian by virtue of being born into a particular family. Of course, the formal baptism, confirmation, or coronation may take place later, but because the child is born into a particular family with a particular religion, the youth is raised in terms of that religion. And, there are many ways that goodly parents can access the help and support they need to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to their children. #RandolphHarris 3 of 11

As we reach certain milestones in our life, it is helpful and instructive to reflect on the events and experience of the past. Every day, we must teach our children and possess the ability to be grateful to Heavenly Father for blessing us with a very long life. So much has changed during our lifetime, but we are all ascribed the status of racial groups, socioeconomic groups (called social class), nationality groups, and so forth. There are other statuses that we will have to reckon with as well. There are the achieved or attained statuses that one will have as a result of growth or some effort on our part. A person will become a man or woman, an adult male of female. One will become at a certain age a driver of cars, a purchaser of adult commodities like spirits or some other substance, a fully investitured citizen, a voter, draft-eligible, a student, and in later life, a senior citizen. One will earn the status of employee or employer, the statuses that come with earned promotions and advancements in one’s career, the status of husband or wife, father or mother, grandfather or grandmother, and others. An individual will earn trophies, medals, ribbons, diplomas, degrees, certificates, as well as demotions, unemployment insurance, retirement, employee of the month, and other earned statuses. #RandolphHarris 4 of 11

Each status or position in the social structure carries with it a set of behaviors that are expected of the person in that slot. The expected behaviors are called roles and can be pleasant or unpleasant. Additionally, they can come into conflict with each other, as when the role of student, with hours of homework to do each night, even on Saturday and Sunday, comes into conflict with the role of friend or date, with social activities to do! Sometimes school even demands that we miss out on precious family time and some high school and college students have required courses on Saturday, Sunday School on Sunday, and along with traditional school or college, they may also work and be required to go to Bible study during the week. The process of personal and social adjustment is concerned with the management of the various role conflicts that come with living the complex lives our society encourages. Through all the fast-paced changes occurring around us, we earnestly pray and work to ensure that the values of the gospel of Jesus Christ endure. Already some of them are in jeopardy of being lost. At the top of the list of these values and, therefore, prime targets of the adversary, are the sanctity of marriage and the central importance of families. #RandolphHarris 5 of 11

So, the family provides an anchor and the safe harbor of a home where each child of a loving Heavenly Father can be influenced for good and acquire eternal values. It also provides a definite context for the important education that each child needs. Even before formal schooling, all children are educated with the family structure. In fact, the development of the core of personality, with fundamental learning skills, emotional experiences, attitudes, preferences, and social patterns, usually takes place in our society before the child even enters kindergarten. Furthermore, there is scientific evidence to show that the experiences of the first five or six years can so condition the direction and temper of a child’s life that one virtually becomes what one was raised to be. As the twig is inclined, so grows the tree. However, as powerful as early experiences are, the child is capable of becoming one’s own person, even if it means throwing off the influences of those early, formative years. This is not easy, but again, achieving significant selfhood is never easy. It is a struggle, and many do not follow throw on it. #RandolphHarris 6 of 11

Life for some is so enjoyable for some as a family that they want to follow the example that their elders set, in an effort to continue on through experiencing the same joy that had been theirs in their younger days. The education that takes place in these formative years is important. The attitudes, myths, beliefs, ideas, likes and dislikes that are learned, informally and subtly, may form the basic foundation upon which that child builds one’s entire life. We can see this best illustrated in racial attitudes. In a family where a child is told that members of certain ethnic groups are less affluent or less desirable, and where one also observes that no members of those groups ever visit the home nor participate in any of the fellowship activities of one’s parents, a negative (or at the very least, a neutral) racial attitude is formed. Further, if one is prevented from enjoying their friendship, possibly even being prevented from attending school, club, or religious meets with members of those groups, a very definite bit of learning has taken place. It is small wonder that as an adult one should have fixed attitudes toward those groups. Culture is defined as the way of life of all people. There is a unique gospel culture, a set of values and expectations and practices common to all members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. #RandolphHarris 7 of 11

This gospel culture, or way of life, comes from the plan of salvation, the commandments of God, and the teachings of living prophets. It is given expression in the way we raise our families and live our individual lives. However, in clever and carefully camouflaged ways, the adversary is attacking commitment to family life throughout the World and undermining the culture and covenants of faithful Latter-day Saints. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. In keeping with our belief that each individual has the potential ability to become everything one can be, we believe that even a prejudiced person can change some of his or her attitudes, can be educated in the formal and the informal sense, and can develop an optimistic attitude toward members of other groups. However, to reiterate, the unlearning and relearning is difficult, just as the unlearning and relearning of emotional responsiveness is difficult. Yet it can be done and, to editorialize, it must be done if we are going to try to bring order out of chaos, if the ideals of equality, brotherhood, sisterhood, and justice are to be actualized. Other institutions, such as church and school can assist parents to train up a child in the way he or she should go, but realize this responsibility ultimately rests on the parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is goodly parents who are entrusted with the care and development of Heavenly Father’s children. #RandolphHarris 8 of 11

In terms of the educational process that the child experiences within the family, we must mention the learning of other social skills. Not simply manners and etiquette, but the kinds of skills necessary for each child to learn to live in a World full of other people. There are various stages of development experiences at various stages in a child’s life. Powerful and fixed as these patterns may seem, they are not absolute. Parents should pray in earnest, asking our Eternal Father to help them love, understand, and guide the children God has sent to them. Many believe that in the first stage of development, the child acquires the social skill called trust. If the stage is mishandled, or the culture or property or other conditions cannot enable the child to experience the feeding -nutritive-contact relations fully, then the child not only does not learn trust, one learns mistrust. In the culture of less affluence, trust becomes a virtual luxury, and mistrust becomes the attitude that guarantees survival. It is dog-eat-dog World (ruthlessly competitive: one has to look out for one’s own interest), and everybody must be mistrusted, even those who call themselves “friend.” Do not forget that we are choice spirits and have been endowed with the priceless gift of free agency. #RandolphHarris 9 of 11

Social workers, Peace Corps, and VISTA volunteers (a national service program designed to alleviate poverty), civil rights workers, and may others who have gone into areas of less affluence declare there is the attitude of suspicion and explain they face mistrust, and which they have the burden of relieving even before the poverty and squalor can be abated and remediated. Each of us has been given the freedom to choose liberty and eternal life, or to choose captivity. We need not be victims of circumstance, for unto us is given to achieve and become perfect, even as our Father which is in Heaven is perfect. People who truly love us want us to gain the deep and abiding satisfaction that comes from rendering the maximum service of which we are capable. Our lives are supposed to be enriched to overflowing blessings and happiness and love and safety as we realize the fulfillment of our fondest hopes and noblest aspirations. If we follow the divine path established by the Savior, we cannot fail, for we will have fulfilled the measure of our creation. “And again, it showeth unto the children of humans the strictness of the path, and the narrowness of the gate, by which they should enter, as the Savior having set the example before us,” reports Nephi 31.9. #RandolphHarris 10 of 11

In education and in psychotherapy, we have found that even the most mistrusting, suspicious, hostile-defensive people can unlearn that set of attitudes and relearn trust and cooperative interaction. It takes time, affection, determined effort, patience, empathy, understanding, and a lot of tender, loving care, but it can be done. Trust, autonomy, love of God, initiative, industry identity, intimacy, generativity, and ego integrity are among the most important social attitudes and skills that can be listed. However, we do not agree that trust starts an irrevocable chain reaction, automatically leading to autonomy and the rest, any more than we believe mistrust bumps shame into guilt, and so on. At each stage of development, the person becomes more proficient and confident, one exercises that choice-making capacity and can become a truly autonomous, self-actualizing person. If we deny or cover up anything that is at home in the soul, then we cannot be fully present to others. Hiding the dark places results in a loss of soul; speaking for them and from them offers a way toward genuine community and intimacy. One can always recognize who has been through the fires of sorrow and received oneself, and know that you can go to that individual in one’s moment of trouble and find that this trusted individual has plenty of time for you. God will make you nourishment for other people. #RandolphHarris 11 of 11

When everything gets difficult, the people who stand by you without flinching–they are your family.