Each age thinks its own is eternal. I never stop thinking about you and wishing you were here. I should not expect that you can bandage up my heart. I have spent these long week of waiting just wandering around London. Going to every place we walked together, every railing you brushed against, every bend in the road where you stopped to touch my face. One Christmas we were in Liverpool and we both went outside at midnight just to feel the other across the miles. I thought that if I went to all the right spots in London, I could feel your presences again: your breath on my face, your voice in my ear, your hand in mine. I thought that I could find those moments and catch them up in my heart. However, this is not the London where I gave away my heart. I wonder what happened to my love. I am tired. Half my life has been waiting, it feels like, and I do not know how much longer I can do it. It is exhausting. I will stay another week at the Hilton Liverpool, just to be sure you are not coming back, but then I will head towards Manchester, head back to again wall up my memories and continue waiting. I know no other way to be. I miss you so.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 8

Last night I saw the most beautiful Sunset. It is funny, however. The Sun does not actually set, it just changes angles in the Sky. Nonetheless, it made me think about the time we took the BMW out to Albert Dock and watched the Sunset. Even though the water was freezing, you dared me to roll up my trousers and wade in. Then you sat on my lap and buried your toes in the sand and we shared that delicious risalamande you made. I wish I had more now. And the sand And the Sunset. However, most of all I wish I had you. I truly felt the Earth rotating beneath me. Vital impetus is speculative, although often formulated as if it were a report of an established fact. The impetus is declared to be a current of consciousness that has penetrated matter, given rise to living bodies, and determined the course of their evolution. The current passes from one generation to the next by way of reproduction—in bisexual organisms, by way of the reproductive cells. The vital impetus is the cause of variations that accumulate and produce new species. It coordinates the appearance of variations so as to preserve continuity of functioning in evolving structures. And it carries life toward ever higher complexity of organization.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 8

Strictly speaking, the impetus does not generate energy of its own, over and above that already present in matter. What it does is to engraft on to the necessity of physical forces the largest possible amount of indetermination. This indetermination is evident in the contingency and creativity that have characterized history of life. At every stage the impetus has been limited by recalcitrant matter. Hence, it is always seeking to transcend the stage it has reached and always remains inadequate to what it tries to produce. The earliest living things were physico-chemical systems into which the vital impetus insinuated itself. Its potentialities could be realized only minimally in these systems. Consequently, it divided so that life moved forward in several quite different directions. One direction was taken by plants, another by insects, and a third by the vertebrates. The three directions illustrate respectively the predominance of stability, instinct, and intelligence. No predetermined plan or purpose was involved in all this. The vital impetus is not finalistic, it does engender progress. A perfect of functions has occurred through successive stages. An increasing realization of consciousness has also occurred.  #RyanPhillippe 3 of 8

This last contention has made it difficult for us to maintain an opposition to finalism, for it is in humans that consciousness has been most fully realized. Here the vital impetus has found its most adequate expression as intelligence. It has likewise achieved genuine freedom by at last making matter its instrument. There was in fact a sudden leap from the animal to human. Hence, humans might be considered the reason for the existence of the entire organization of life on our planet. That is, only in a manner of speaking. We should not think that humanity was prefigured in the evolutionary process from the beginning. The appearance of humans are the raison d’etre of life on Earth, Humans or some other being of like significance, which is the purpose of the entire process of evolution. The appearance of humans were in no sense predetermined, though it was not accidental, either. Terrestrial evolution might have produced some other being of the same essence. Such beings have doubtless arisen elsewhere, for the vital impetus animates innumerable planets in the Universe. The impetus is thus not limited to Earth; creative evolution is a cosmic process.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 8

The vital impetus to steam escaping at high pressure through the cracks in a container. Jets gush out unceasingly, the steam condenses into drops of water, and the drops fall back to the source. Each jet and its drops represent a World of matter animated by life. However, it succeeds at most in retarding their fall. So, the vital impetus achieves a moment of freedom at its highest point, in humans. It might be inferred from this analogy that matter is not something sui generis, but is rather the lowest form assumed by the outpouring of spirit. However, matter and spirit are coexistent and interdependent. Vital impetus is a supra-consciousness to which the name of God might be attached. However, this is very different from the conception of traditional Western theology. For if God is identical with the vital impetus, then he is pure activity, limited by the material World in which he is struggling to manifest himself. He is neither omnipotent nor omniscient. God has nothing of the already made, but is ceaselessly changing. God is love and the object of love. There is also a divine purpose in the evolutionary process. Evolution is nothing less than God’s undertaking to create creators, that He may have, besides Himself, beings worthy of His love.  #RyanPhillippe 5 of 8

 The discovery of this purpose and of the reality of God cannot be made by the intellect. It can be made only by the sort of intuition that is the mystical experience. For the vital impetus is communicated in its entirety to exceptional persons. These are the mystics who achieve contact and partial coincidence with the creative effort that is of God, if it is not God Himself. This experience does not terminate in passivity, but leads to intense activity. The mystics participate in God’s love for humankind. They are therefore impelled to advance the divine purpose by helping to complete the development of humans. They want to make of humanity what it would straightway have become if humanity had been able to reach its final form without the assistance of humans themselves. The spirit of the mystics must become Universal in order to ensure human’s future evolution. The biggest obstacle to the spread of the mystical spirit is the ceaseless struggle that most humans must wage against the material conditions of life. Yet, I do not believe that these conditions could be ameliorated by programs of political and economic reform devised by the intellect.  #RyanPhillippe 6 of 8

Consequently, the most we can hope for at present is that the spirit of the mystics will be kept alive by small groups of privileged souls, until such times as a profound change in the material conditions imposed on by humanity by nature should permit, in spiritual matters, of a profound transformation. The mystics, through their experience of love, will keep open a trail along which the whole humanity can eventually pass. Humans are children of Almighty God, created to grow, move forward, increase, and constantly break the barriers of the past and advance God’s Kingdom. Nothing is ever wasted in the Kingdom of God. Not one tear, not all our pain, not the unanswered questions or the seemingly unanswered prayers. Nothing will be wasted if we give our lives to God. And if we are willing to be patient until the grace of God is made manifest, whether it takes nine years or ninety, it will be worth the wait. Deeper and deeper into Time’s endless tunnel, does the winged soul, like a night-hawk, wend his wild way; and finds eternities before and behind; and his last limit is his everlasting beginning.  #RyanPhillippe 7 of 8

Father, thank You that because I am Your child, I do not have to be contained by how I was raised, by my education or environment, or by what I have been in the past. I am pressing forward and taking new ground, stretching my faith, believing for bigger things, expecting Your favor in unprecedented ways. Because Your face is shinning down on me right now, where I am is not where I am staying. I am not getting comfortable. I am not stuck in a rut.  If you are for me, who dares be against me? I believe I am uncontainable. Please quell these fears within me. I need some confirmation that my prayers have been answered. These Catholic prayers are newly learned, and I want to be sure I am doing something right. I wish I was not starting to feel the first fingers of worry plucking at my heart, the way they always do when I miss you. You have to admit, your history in that respect has not been exemplary. I remember the warmth and mystery of St, Mary’s and, besides, I thought if I wanted to put in a special request to God to keep you safe, perhaps I should appeal to God. I now know a place I can go when I want to feel close to you.   #RyanPhillippe 8 of 8