The past three years, we have let things fall as they may, and love happened. Do we need to plan out what comes next? Do we even need to know? The soul may rightly be the center of nature, the middle term of all things, the bond and juncture of the Universe. The soul is in a gradual ascent toward higher degrees of truth and being, an ascent that finally culminates in the immediate knowledge and vision of God. This knowledge represents the ultimate goal of human life and existence—in it alone the unrest of our mind is satisfied—and all other modes and degrees of human life and knowledge must be understood as more or less direct and conscious preparations for this in.  If you only knew how you keep me going, how you keep me waking up, simply because I know you are thinking of me. You reminded me that I am not just a lonely recluse. I have something more not. I have you. The ascent of the soul towards God is accomplished with the help of two wings, the intellect and the will; accordingly, the knowledge of God is accompanied and paralleled on each level by the love of God; and the ultimate vision, by an act of enjoyment. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 7

Do you really think that you need to prove yourself to me? Do you think you have to do anything but continue to be there? That is all I ask. Just be there. Love for another human being is merely a preparation, more or less conscious, for the love of God, which constitutes the real goal and true content of human desire and is turned toward persons and things by virtue of the reflected splendor of divine goodness and beauty that may appear in them. So much has happened here. Can you think of anything more perfect for me? I finally feel as if I have found my purpose in life, and I can hardly wait to get there. Only recently, I offered my heart up to you, tentatively, hesitantly, not trusting my own feelings but trusting you implicitly. And now you have trampled all over it in your haste to run off. All I wanted was for you to be there. There can never be two friends; there must always be three—two human beings and one God. God alone is the indissoluble bond and perpetual guardian of any true friendship for a true lover loves the other person solely for the sake of God. True love and friendship between several persons is derived from the individual love of God; it is thus reduced to the basic phenomenon of the inner ascent, wait for me my life. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 7

Love may still seem a strange and remote concept, some people reach out, and grab for whatever they can hold on to, trying to catch any bit of happiness they can. As if life really works that way. That is how one sets oneself up to be shattered, and I was. No one could stop the choices I made. I had to see if ghosts still drifted here the way they always drift around Edinburgh. Once, too long ago, I fell in live. Unexpected, heady love. I do not want to let this person go because their soul bloomed with beauty. I did not feel so alone. However, it was not the time or place for new love. Emotions can be confused, people can disappear, minds can change. Perhaps I was wrong to fall in love so suddenly. What happened all those years ago, what happened? It cost me a lot. If I could do it differently, would I? Make different choices that would keep my family together? Make different choices that would keep me from choosing the wrong person? Those few bright years of beauty, and the fumbling loneliness, was not worth it. I could have spent my time doing something different, focusing on something else. In the light of this relationship, I realize it was not love. It was just a situation I got stuck in out of concern for someone else and it gained a new life. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 7

We all face situations that seem impossible. It is easy to become discouraged and think that things will never work out. However, God has already written every day of our lives in His book. He knew exactly when that setback would occur, and the good news is He has already arranged a comeback. Before we have problems, God already has arranged the solution. He is going before us right now and preparing the next chapter of our lives. If one stays in faith and keeps the right attitude, one will enter a better chapter, a chapter with greater success and greater fulfillment. When we receive the word of God in our spirit, we will come out of trouble quicker than we realize. God is fighting our battles for us. A person who believes in God will get well quicker than they think and the recovery will amaze the doctors. When we walk by faith and not by sight, this allows one to accomplish one’s dreams much faster than we think. Supernatural miracles will come the way of those who love God and have faith. God gives people the strength and power, as He is the one who holds our future in His hands. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 7

You have only just left, are probably settling down in your seat, listening to the train rumble out of London. I am sorry I did not see you to the station. Truly I am. I had no faith in myself. I knew if I had gone to the station with you, I would have held on to you and not let you go. Now, though, I do regret not going, not getting one more chance to see your dear face. I have to admit that, once the tears dried, I was quite angry with you. I suppose I thought I could somehow convince you to stay. If I gave all my love to you, you would not be able to leave. Everything about these past nine days was person. I know that you are in love with me. Never doubt that. Three years of deliberate word choices, neat turns of the phrase, how you looked at me with extra care. I know I had no reason to worry about our meeting. Yet I did. However, those poems I wrote by dim candlelight, as birds roost in the thatch above. I wipe stinging eyes to read your letters, crouched by the smoky swirl of the peat fire. When your eyes met mine across the fire, all my fears melted away. You saw the real me. Now I know my dreams are the stuff of more than imagination. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 7

To see you in the flesh, in colour, is more than I could ever hope for. Did you know your eyes are the exact same blue as the Autumn sky? And you are so much taller than I would have guessed from your photos. Your hair is shorter, yet still invited fingers through all those sandy curls. You seemed so shy when you met me at the Castle, almost as if you did not know me at all. And I could not believe that I could not thin of more than tend words to say to you over lunch. I was so nervous, though, dining at my very first restaurant. So many people, so many forks, and not an oatcake in sight. However, when we walked back to the apartment, when you stopped my words with a kiss that left me breathless, that is when I saw the person I love. That is when I saw the fearless individual who stole my heart. Waking up and seeing that funny startled look in your eyes each morning to find me still there. Falling asleep in your arms with our drowsy conversation in the dark. I collected each word to string together on my lonely nights back. I know you had to leave. Even after all that, even after me, you had to leave. And I hate myself for hating it. I hate myself for wasting a single second of our precious time wishing things could be different. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 7

Of course, I could not tell you any of this in person. I could not say much at all. The very sound of our voices was so…unusual. So banal. I confess I could not wait to get back to my notepaper and pen to tell you how I felt. And to tell you how my mind is collaborating with my heart and my body to make me miss you unbelievably, more than I thought I could. I love you. Stay safe. Stay safe for me. Switch over into faith. Get in agreement with God. Those obstacles trying to hold you back do not have a chance. Nothing can stand against our God. The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest. The hotel seems so big and lonely without you (does the room echo or is it just my imagination?). The scent of the oranges lingers in the air and I swear I can still see the shape of you in the mattress. As lovely the hotel is, I shall not be too sad to leave. It is not as lovely when you are not here. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 7