Contrary to the popular romantic image, no two people can fill all of each other’s requirements all of the time. It seems inevitable in an intimate relationship that people will sometimes be required to register complaints and request changes. This is not an easy process for caring individuals whose involvement is characterized by mutual empathy. When complaints pertain to the emotionally intense area of intimacy, it may be doubly difficult. Partners want to think carefully about the appropriate strategies and potential obstacles to accomplish this delicate task. Perhaps the best way to begin, before verbalizing a complaint to your partner, is to examine the motivations underlying your requirement to citizen. Be aware of your motivation—the way criticism is offered may depend largely on the critic’s motive. It seems clear that some people’s motivations for disapproving is not based on a caring desire to make their relationship better. If the aim is to hurt, humiliate, blame, ridicule, or get even, it is likely that disparaging a partner will prove to be far more destructive than constructive. Being aware of your motives for censuring your partner can help avoid this hidden or unsuspected danger or difficulty. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

We are concerned with constructive criticism that is prompted by a genuine desire for necessary change. It is not always easy to disapprove effectively while maintaining mutual empathy and a sense of togetherness. However, certain strategies can help maintain empathy in a confrontational situation. One important consideration is picking the right time and place. Many people to not choose the best time to confront their spouse. Rather, the time choose them: They jump right in when the problem is uppermost in their minds. Although there are some benefits to dealing with an issue immediately, it is not always the best strategy. You may be feeling disappointed, resentful, or angry and these negative emotions, when engrossed or excited, this can easily get in the way of constructive interaction. Avoid registering complaints when you are very angry. Although you may have every intention of making your criticism constructive, anger has a way of disrupting a search for solutions. Sometimes, however, it may be necessary to express anger. Yet, it is unwise to deal with an issue when you or your partner has limited time or is tired, stressed, preoccupied, or under the influence of any substance. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

When you want to talk to someone about an issues that is troubling, try to select an interval when you have plenty of time and are both relaxed and feeling close to each other. The way to approach someone is by saying something like this, “I really value our relationship, but there are some concerns I would like to go over with you. Is this a good time, or would you rather talk later?” Be prepared for some anxiety-induced stalling. If your partner is hesitant to talk now, support his or her right to pick another time or place. However, it is important to agree on a time, particularly if you sense your partner might prefer to let the matter go. Choosing the right place for expressing concerns can be as important as timing. Some people may find that sitting around the kitchen table while sharing a pot of coffee is more comfortable setting then the place where they work or out in public. A walk through a park or a quiet drive in the country, far removed from the potential interferences of a busy lifestyle, may prove best for you. Try to sense your partner’s needs. When and where is she or she most likely to be receptive to your request for change? #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

Picking the right time and place to deliver criticism does not ensure a harmonious outcome, but it certainly improves the prospect of your partner responding favorably to your message. Using some other constructive strategies can also increase the likelihood of beneficial interaction. One of these is to combine criticism with praise. You do not have to focus exclusively on the painful parts of your relational legacy. You must also learn to honor the strengths you gained from your early experiences. There really is no point in going back to relive painful memories unless you can work with your past to build a better present. We do not always get that message. There are still many talk shows, reality shows, books, and feature articles that shine the spotlight on someone’s suffering as though suffering is a form of entertainment. However, it is important to understand that your painful experiences may have had a negative impact, but most likely, they also created some of your strengths and special gifts. When you do not get everything you require, the deprivation can help you become very resourceful. You can learn some great survival skills, like not passively waiting for someone else to provide for you. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

While age takes us by surprise, many find themselves looking for the signs of it appearing. Like adolescent preoccupation with the body, as we move in to the middle ages, we scan our features in the mirror looking for evidence of gray hair and wrinkles around the eyes, or we gaze at our hands and forearms looking for the rippled surface and the blotchy skin. That which will not happen to us, one day does happen to us and continues to happen to us. We are aging! Intense feelings of fleeting age produce a frozen in the past, a limited future, and a crushing present. One find less and less space, more and more construction, and fewer resources, and more darkness; yet all the while one continues to experience oneself as being the same person. When confrontation emerges in a caring relationship, the sufferer receives it as an expression of respect for his or her strengths as a person. Intimate relationship has been my greatest and most demanding teacher, having not only brought me deep happiness but also exposing my weaknesses, my zones of selfishness and unresolved wounding. I have also been able to face the challenge and grow. There is a good deal of wisdom in believing that people who truly love you want to make things better. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5