It may take many months for a child to know when it is safe to speak the truth (because it will never be universally safe), but for children, as for adults, identifying the truth of an experience is essential to healing from trauma. We make certain that the children are greeted by name every morning and that teachers make face-to-face contact with each and every one of them. Just as in our workshops, group work, and theater programs, we always start the day with check-in’s: taking the time to share what is on everybody’s mind. The first thing I noticed was that none of my journalistic colleagues has bothered to show up. The beatification brought hundreds of reporters to Sacramento, but they were apparently busy doing other things. I had expected the Legion to keep a low profile for this event, given the additional documentation has had surfaced revealing that the media had known about the accusation against the reporters and their “slanderous accusations” and drug addiction for over a decade. More than anything else, being able to feel safe with other people defines mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 5

The critical challenge, in a classroom setting, is to foster reciprocity; truly hearing and being heard; really seeing and being seen by other people. We try to teach everyone in a school community—office staff, principals, bus drivers, teachers, reporters, and cafeteria workers—to recognize and understand the effects of trauma on children and to focus on the importance of fostering safety, predictability, and being known and seen. Many of the children we work with have never been able to communicate successfully with language, as they are accustomed to adults who yell, command, sulk, or put earphones in their ears. One of the first steps is to help their teachers model new ways of talking about feelings, stating expectations, and asking for help. Instead of yelling, “Stop!” when a child is throwing a tantrum or making him sit alone in the corner, teachers are encouraged to notice and name the child’s experience, as in, “I can see how upset you are”; to give him choices, as in “Would you like to go to the safe spot or sit outside?”; and to help him find words to describe his feeling and begin to find his voice, as in: “After class, what will happen when you get back to the house, and your parents find out you were disobedient?”  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 5

When voluntary social control is insufficient and folkways or mores are violated, informal social control measures may be implemented. Gossip, for instance, is a very effective means of penalizing behavior. In small towns or groups where everybody knows everybody else, gossip may be a powerful deterrent to straying from the straight and narrow. Ridicule, or shame, is another common and effective method of informal social control. Few people enjoy being the joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike, but have different meanings, also known as “pun.” For instance, you can make your own antifreeze by stealing her blanket, is a pun guaranteed to get some groans. People think they are sly and no one understands this smuggler langue, but we get it. The innuendos are not witty, nor amusing. American teenagers seem particularly adept at this form of informal control over their peers. Research indicates that shame, especially in the form of informal but pervasive social control by others, is linked to conformity. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 5

Perhaps one of the most effective methods of informal social control is ostracism—excluding someone from social acceptance or group memberships. It is standard practice in many schools to punish children or adults for tantrums, spacing out, or aggressive outbursts—all of which are often symptoms of traumatic stress. When that happens, the school, instead of offering a safe haven, becomes yet another traumatic trigger. Angry confrontations and punishment can at best temporarily halt unacceptable behaviors, but since the underlying alarm system and stress hormones are not laid to rest, they are certain to erupt again at the next provocation.  Shunning is the most powerful negative sanction against people who seriously deviate from the moral, social codes of faith, and lawful behavior. The shunned individual is not allowed to take meals with others, is neither spoken to, nor acknowledged, and cannot participate in any community activities.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 5

Acknowledge the person is upset and seems to have a problem; then calm that person down, and explore the cause and discuss possible solution. For example, when Carlos has melt downs, hitting his teacher, and throwing objects around, we encourage his teacher to set clear limits while gently talking to him: “Would you like to wrap that warm blanket around you to help you calm down?” (The kid is likely to cream, “No!” but then curl up under the blanket and settle down.) predictability and clarity of expectations are critical; consistency is essential. Children from chaotic backgrounds often have no idea how people can effectively work together, and inconsistency only promotes further confusion. Trauma-sensitive teachers soon realize that calling a parent about an obstreperous kid is likely to result in a beating and further traumatization. Also, primary interaction is essential to daily living, and shunning amounts to social death. Informal social control can be very powerful and is often all that is necessary to dissuade deviance and encourage conformity. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 5