There is a perverse mood of the mind which is rather soothed than irritated by misconstruction; and in quarters where we can never be rightly known, we take pleasure in being consummately ignored. What honest man, in being casually taken for a housebreaker, does not feel rather ticked then vexed at the mistake? We keep seeing how difficult it is for traumatized people to feel completely relaxed.  It is appropriate for these individuals to develop a more caring relationship with their body. They are usually uptight and tense because they are holding on to pain and constantly reliving bad memories, and may live in environments where they are frequently disrespected. While numbing (or compensatory sensation seeking) many make life tolerable, the price you pay is that you lose awareness of what is going on inside of your body and, with that, the sense of being fully, sensually alive. Alexithymia, as we have discussed, is the technical term for not being able to identify what is going on inside of their bodies. People who suffer from alexithymia tend to feel physically uncomfortable, but cannot describe exactly what the problem is. There is such a thing as making nothing out of a molehill, in consequence of your head being too high to see it.   

As a result, traumatized people often have multiple vague and distressing physical complaints that doctors cannot diagnose.  In addition, they cannot figure out for themselves what they are really feeling about any given situation of what makes them feel better or worse. The result of numbing keeps one’s body from anticipating and responding to the ordinary demands of their bodies in quiet, mindful ways. At the same time, it muffles the everyday sensory delights of experiences like work, friendships, music, touch, and light, which imbue life with value. If you are not aware of what your body needs, you cannot take care of it. If you do not feel hunger, you cannot nourish yourself. If you mistake anxiety for hunger, you may eat too much. Sometimes we all want comfort food and not sure if we are hungry or not. What I recommend is buy romaine lettuce and a good salad dressing, and having a big salad. That way you get full and it is healthy for you, unlike eating an entire cheesecake on your birthday, by yourself, because someone hurt your feelings. When you eat empty calories, and if you cannot feel when you are satiated, you will keep eating and gain weight. This is why cultivating sensory awareness is such a critical aspect of trauma recovery.  

Most traditional therapies downplay or ignore the moment-to-moment shifts in our inner sensory World. However, these shifts carry the essence of the organism’s responses: the emotional states that are imprinted in the body’s chemical profile, in the viscera (internal organs), in the contraction of the striated muscles of the face, throat, trunk, and limbs. Traumatized people are required to learn that they can tolerate their sensations, befriend their inner experiences, and cultivate new action patterns. Focus your attention on your breathing and on your sensations moment to moment. You will start to notice the connection between your emotions and your body—perhaps how anxiety throws off your balance when you are walking. You may experiment with changing the way you feel or what you are thinking about or looking at. Will breathing in deeply relieve the tension in your left shoulder bald? Will slowly exhaling and picturing the pain leaving your body produce a sense of calm? Body awareness also changes your sense of time. Trauma makes you feel as if you are permanently stuck forever in a helpless state or city of horror and chaos. And you may develop anxiety because you are expecting something to happen. You could even start to feel a sense of defeat or resistance, anticipating that you will not be able to tolerate the feelings brought up by this particular day or area.  

However, keep in mind, everything has two sides—the outside that is ridiculous, and the inside that is solemn. This helps you anticipate the end of discomfort and strengthens your capacity to deal with physical and emotional distress. Awareness that all experience is transitory changes and changes your perspective on yourself. This is not to say that regaining interception is not potential upsetting. Any physical sensations that unleashed horrific memories from the past that had been so carefully kept in check by numbing and inattention, when you are reminded of them or they are reactivated, this can cause you to feel excruciating physical pain or experience flashbacks that can leave you feeling like danger is eminent.  Most of us have, at one time or another, felt our hearts beating rapidly when we are close to those we love or, occasionally when we have been offended by others. Many of us have felt our hearts sink, as if pressed by some crushing weight after the loss of a loved one. Some people have even had to break ties with old friends and transfer their children away from schools and playmates so they can heal from the life changes.  

We recognize the precise magnitude and power of human contact. People who feel safe in their bodies and houses can begin to translate the memories that previously overwhelmed them into language. After my son started increasing his physical activity and focusing on things he loved, he noticed that he was able to talk more freely to about things he enjoyed. Let us take on healthy challenge, allowing it to sharpen our focus ground our hearts, loosen our belly, anchor our legs, ease our shoulders, deepen our relationships, enliven and honor our very being. Do this enough, and challenge will become something not to dread or bear, but something that we cannot help but honor, regardless of whatever edge we are working with. If we do not recognize and have some degree of intimacy with whatever in us can dehumanize or abuse others—however “civilized” or “rational” its demeanor—we pose a danger not only to ourselves, but to others, no matter how nicely we generally behave. What really matters here is not so much the presence of this inner darkness, but the kind of relationship we choose to have with it.