Discovering your Self in language is always an epiphany, even if finding the words to describe your inner reality can be an agonizing process. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of LORD: “O LORD (Allah, God, Jehovah), save me!” The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of love that endures forever. A crisis in your life has come, and you must have a clear conception of the work that you are called to do. The sages of the ages call you harbinger. The Prophets look to you and say: “He is Elijah come again.” Your mission here is that of harbinger; for you will go before the Messiah’s face to pave His way, and make the people ready to receive their King. This readiness is purity of heart, you must yourself be pure in hear and word and deed. In infancy the vow for you was made and you became a Nazarite. The razor shall not touch your face nor head, and you shall taste not wine nor fiery drinks. Men need a pattern for their lives; they love to follow not lead. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 9

The man who stands upon the corners of the paths and points the way, but does not go, is just a pointer; and a black of wood can do the same. The teacher treads the way; on every span of ground he leaves his footprints clearly cut, which all can see and be assured that he, their master went that way. Men comprehend the inner life by what they see and do. They come to Allah through ceremonies and forms. And so when you would make men know that sins are washed away by purity in life, a rite symbolic may be introduced. In water wash the bodies of the people who would turn away from sin and strive for purity. This rite of cleansing is a preparation rite and they who thus are cleaned comprise the temple of purity. And you shall say: You men of America, hear; reform and wash; become the sons of purity, and you shall be forgiven. This rite of cleansing and this temple are but symbolic of the cleansing of the soul, which does not come from outward show, but is the temple within.  That is why I find this account so inspiring. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 9

Learning the names of things enables the child not only to create an inner representation of the invisible and inaudible physical reality around them, but also helps us to find ourselves. While I talk easily and can tell interesting tales, I quickly realized how difficult it was to feel my feelings deeply and simultaneously report them to someone else. When I got in touch with the most intimate, painful, or confusing moments of my life, I often found myself faces with I choice: I could either focus on reliving old scenes in my mind’s eye and let myself feel what I had felt back then, or I could tell my analyst Djevel logically and coherently what had transpired. When I chose the latter, I would quickly lose touch with myself and start to focus on his opinion of what I was telling him. The slightest hint of doubt or judgement would shut me down, and I would shift my attention to regaining his approval. Now, you may never point to the way and tell multitudes to do what you have never done; but you must go before and show the way. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 9

Since then, neuroscience research has shown that we possess two distinct forms of self-awareness: one that keeps track of the self across time and one that registers the self in the present moment. The first, our autobiographical self, creates connections among experiences and assembles them into a coherent story. This system is rooted in language. Our narratives change with the telling, as our perspective changes and we incorporate new input. John said, “Why need I wait? May I not go at once and wash?” Matheno said: “This well,” and then they went down to the Jordan ford, and east of Jericho, just where the host of Israel crossed when first they entered Canaan, they tarried for time.  Matheno taught the harbinger, and he explained to him the inner meaning of the cleansing rite and how to wash himself and how to wash the multitude. And in the river Jordan, John was washed; then they returned unto the wilderness. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 9

The other systems, moment-to-moment self-awareness, is bases primarily in physical sensation, but if we feel safe and are not rushed, we can find words to communicate that experience as well. These are two ways of knowing are localized in different parts of the brain that are largely disconnected from each other. Only the systems devoted to self-awareness, which is based in the medial prefrontal cortex, can change the emotional brain. Now in Endedi’s hills, Matheno’s work was done and he and John went down to Egypt. They rested not until they reached the temple of Sakara in the valley of the Nile. For many years, Matheno was a master in this temple of the Brotherhood, and when he told about the life of John and of his mission to the sons of men, the hierophant with joy received the harbinger and he was called the Brother Nazarite. For eighteen years, John lived and wrought within these temple gates; and here he conquered self, became a master mind and learned the duties of the harbinger. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 9

In the groups I used to lead for veterans, I could sometimes see these two systems working side by side. The soldiers told horrible tales of death and destruction, but I noticed that their bodies often simultaneously radiated a sense of pride and belonging. Similarly, many patients tell me about the happy families they grew up in while their bodies are slumped over and their voices sound anxious and uptight. One system creates a story for public consumption, and if we tell that story enough, we are likely to start believing that it contains the whole truth. However, the other system registers a different truth: how we experience the situation deep inside. It is this second system that needs to be accessed, befriended, and reconciled. The great Feast of the Pasch was ended and the Nazarenes were journeying toward their houses. And they were in Samaria, and Mary said: “Where is my son?” No one had seen the boy. And then Joseph sought among kindred who were on their way to Galilee; but they could find him not. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 9

And Mary asked the guards had they seen Jesus, a little boy about twelve years old. The guards replied: “Yes, he is in the temple now disputing with the doctors of law.” Just recently at my teaching hospital, a group of psychiatric residents and I interviewed a young woman with temporal lobe epilepsy who was being evaluated following a suicide attempt. The residents asked her standard questions about her symptoms, the medications she was taking, how old she was when the diagnosis was made, what had made her try to kill herself. She responded in a flat, matter-of-fact voice: She has been five when she was diagnosed. She had lost her job; she knew she had been faking it; she felt worthless. For some reason one of the residents asked whether she had been sexually abused. That question surprised me: She had given us no indication that she had had problems with intimacy or sexuality, and I wondered if the doctor was pursuing a private agenda. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 9

Yet, the story our patient told did not explain why she had fallen apart after losing her job. So I asked her what it had been like for that five-year-old girl to be told that something was wrong with her brain. That forced her to check in with herself, as she had no ready-made script for that question. In a subdued tone of voice, she told us that the worst part of her diagnosis was that afterward, her father wanted nothing more to do with her: “He just saw me as a defective child.” Nobody had supported her, she said, so basically had to manage by herself. I then asked her how she felt about that little girl with newly diagnosed epilepsy who was left on her own. Instead of crying for her loneliness or being angry about the lack of support, she said fiercely: “She was stupid, whiny, and dependent. She should have stepped up to the plate and sucked it up.” #RyanPhillippe 8 of 9

And they went in, and found him as the guard had said. And Mary said: “Why, Jesus, why do you treat your parents thus? Lo, we have sought two days for you. We feared that some great harm had overtaken you.” And Jesus said, “Do you not know that I must be about my Father’s work?” However, He went round and pressed the hand of every doctor of the law and said: “I trust that we meet again.” And he went on with his parents. The passion obviously came from the part of her that had valiantly tried to cope with distress, and I acknowledged that it probably had helped her survive back them. I asked her to allow that frightened, abandoned girl to tell her what it had been like to be all alone, her illness compounded by family rejection. She started to sob and kept quiet for a long time until finally she said: “No, she did not deserve that. She should have been supported; somebody should have looked after her.” Then she shifted again and proudly told me about her accomplishment—how much she had advanced despite the lack of support. Public story and inner experience finally met. #RyanPhillippe 9 of 9