Life, the time a story ends is the time another story begins. Here is a joyful story and a sad story. Story is still on regardless of joy or sadness. You are in my dream for years. You with my hope take a long walk. I hope I can walk with you forever. Traumatized human beings recover in the context of relationships: with families, loved ones, clubs, veterans’ organizations, religious communities, or professional therapists. The role of those relationships is to provide physical and emotional safety, including safety from feeling shamed, admonished, or judged, and to bolster the courage to tolerate, face, and process the reality of what has happened. As we have seen, much of the wiring of our brain circuits is devoted to being in tune with others. The human soul is finite and not in the least under its own command. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 7

Recovery from trauma involves reconnecting with our fellow human beings. This is why trauma resulting from relationships is generally more difficult to treat than trauma resulting from traffic accidents or natural disasters. When traumas occur at the hands of people you love, that knocks out the most important protection against being traumatized: being sheltered by the people you love. If the people whom you naturally turn to for care and protection terrify or reject you, you learn to shut down and to ignore what you feel. When your care giver turns on you, you have to find alternative ways to deal with feeling scared, angry, or frustrated. Managing your terror all by yourself gives rise to another set of problems: dissociation, despair, addiction, chronic sense of panic, and relationships that are marked by alienation, disconnection, and explosions. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 7

For us to evolve and maintain a vital, mature personal self out of our inborn potentials, we require caregivers who facilitate our individuation by meeting certain developmental needs. Holding a need, a need for caregivers who suspend the expression of their own subjectivity and are present simply as loving onlookers who give us room to discover our own subjective reality. We also have a mirroring need, or a need to be affirmed by our caregivers for our value and creative spirit. We have a desire to experience ourselves as part of a calm, wise, loving authorities who possess qualities we admire and are latent within us. We need relationships with others who are very much like ourselves and who therefore give us the feeling that we are members of the greater human family. The food of thy soul is light and space. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 7

The yearning of a soul, formed by Nature in a peculiar mould, for communion with those whom it bore a resemblance, yet of whom was not. Our caregivers facilitate the emergence of our authentic individual selfhood when they optimally respond to these needs. By contrast, when they neglect to meet them, most often because of their own unmet development needs, they derail our individuation. If individuation is derailed we might dissociate from our emotional life (holding wounds), experience ourselves as defective (mirroring wounds), and feel unable to be true to guiding ideals (idealizing wounds), and feel deeply estranged from others (twinship wounds). Moreover, when our needs are unmet, they remain unconsciously active but archaic and immature. There is then a lifelong need to find others to fulfill them. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 7

I once knew a someone, and his family and authority figures turned on him and spent a decade abusing him and teasing him and threatening his life on the daily bases for fun. He had absolutely no one to turn to. And they had hurt him so bad that he could feel the pain in his body, which constantly reminded him of what happened to him and there was no end in sight to when his suffering would end. And when they saw he was starting to feel better about himself and life, they would inflict more pain on him. When the people you love hurt you, it really messes with your head because you remember the good times and how much you love them and it hurts you to know that they would hurt you for fun and profit. And when someone in a high position of power hurts you, it is hard to end the pain and suffering because there is virtually no one who can stop them, so you are just left to hang in there and pretend everything is okay. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 7

People with these histories rarely make them connection between what happened to them long ago and how they currently feel and behave. Everything seems almost unmanageable.   Some want to stay safe and drugs are illegal, so some people turn to drinking, they do not want to drink, but they also want to stay alive and need something to dull the pain so they can preserve their lives. Relief does not come until they are able to acknowledge what has happened and recognize the invisible demons they are struggling with. Think about men who have been abused by priests. They visited the gym regularly, took anabolic steroids, and were strong as Golden State Warriors. However, in our interviews they often acted like scared kids; the hurt boys deep inside still felt helpless. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 7

While human contact and attunement are the wellspring of physiological self-regulation, the promise of closeness often evokes fear of getting hurt, betrayed, and abandoned. Shame plays an important role in this: You will find out how rotten and disgusting the people in my life are and dump me as soon as they start to light in to you. Unresolved trauma can take a terrible toll on relationships. If your heart is still broken because you were assaulted by someone you love, you are likely to be preoccupied with not getting hurt again and fear opening up to someone new. In fact, you may unwittingly try to hurt them before they have a chance to hurt you. I give the flower of friendship to all sincere people, but I only share the sweet fruit of love with you. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 7