Keep pretending you do not hear. Time is the best physician of the mind. Those who will not keep a strict account of their time seldom long keep any. We live in a society which King Loneliness has no clothing, yet, because everyone believes he is the only one who feel lonely, we tell ourselves that loneliness must be a mirage. I was reading a case about a young man who had suffered abuse, and he had repressed his memories for a decade, until it broke news that the abuser was being charged with a crime. Although the name of the young man was in public record, and his memories were credible, the psychologist used a pseudonym because he wanted the young man to regain some privacy and peace with the passage of time. Over the past few decades our society has refined a response to human loneliness that can be described as a cultural pact of ignorance. This is a peculiar type of conspiracy in which some of the victims of loneliness are the perpetrators of their own suffering. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 7

Many people recognize that loneliness exists in our society, and yet, in spite of all the talk about loneliness, the word “loneliness” often seems to be completely detached from feelings, and especially detached from the idea that it involves suffering. (“if you do not tell me you are suffering from loneliness, then I will not tell you I am suffering either.”) With the meanings of words changed or impoverished, the impression is created that loneliness is no longer really an issue; no one is really suffering, everyone is liberated and free to do their own thing. Anyone who wants a “relationship” can have one, and that is cool; and anyone who wants to meditate alone can do so, and that is cool; in fact, everything is cool. Many lonely people do not appear to be lonely at all—they so not look like they are suffering—and so the truly lonely individual is forced to believe that he is the only one suffering and therefore should not talk about it. I think it is so embarrassing when you are a young man and being abused and have no way to escape and no one to help you. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 7

The conspiracy involves a subtle denial of certain aspects of loneliness. The experience of Julian, the young man who was abused by an authority figure for years, illustrates the complexities of traumatic memory. On 11 February 2015, Julian was serving as a student when his girlfriend Aaliyah called him and she mentioned a lead article she had read that morning in the Oakland Tribune about an authority figure, who he had worked with as a child, was under suspicion for abusing children. Julian recalled he once told Aaliyah about this authority figure, who comforted him after he was disowned by his father. And as the conversation went on, Julian started to go into a panic. He suddenly saw the authority figure silhouetted in a doorframe, his hands stretched out forty-five degrees, staring at him as he showered. Overwhelmed by emotion, he told Aaliyah, “I have got to go.” #RyanPhillippe 3 of 7

After rushing off the phone, Julian called his flight chief, who came over accompanied by the first sergeant. After he met with the two of them, they took him to the psychiatrist. Julian recalls telling him about the breaking news and said it happened to him, too. He felt extremely embarrassed about being so emotional; he had always been a strong kid, who kept to himself. That night, Julian sat in on the corner of his bed, hunched over, thinking he was losing his mind and terrified that he would be locked up. Over the subsequent week, images kept flooding into his mind, and he was afraid of breaking down completely. Julian thought about taking a knife and plunging it into his heart to stop the mental pictures. Then the panic attacks started to be accompanied by seizures, which he called “epileptic fits.” He would wake from his sleep several times a night shaking as if there was an Earthquake in his body, and scratched his body until he bled. He constantly felt hot, sweaty, and agitated. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 7

Between panic attacks he felt like a zombie; he was observing himself from a distance, as if what he was experiencing were actually happening to somebody else. In April, Julian received an administrative discharge, just ten days short of being eligible to receive full benefits. Our common plight is that it is becoming increasingly difficult to share the most basic of all human truths: that people desperately need each other, that we really are dependent on one another. Instead, many people console themselves with clichés such as: I am okay, so you must be okay. However, all the time they are not okay. When you are abused for a decade and there are a group of them who find the physical and emotional abuse fun to, as a group, inflict on an individual, even if they person is not acting out, they may feel like they are dying inside and suffer physiological (biological activities, and function) symptoms. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 7

Julian’s abusers would do thinks like kick on his front door when they thought he was having sex (he is celibate), strangers would enter his apartment with keys, and sometimes when he was not home and cut the furniture, they would make jokes about his bathroom habits, physically assault him in public, and try to get him fired from his job, and get him kicked out of his house, and when they hurt him, they would tell him not to go to the doctor or else he would end up in a mental hospital. When he did go to the doctor, people would post notes about how they were going to sale him. Feelings of isolation are massaged with slogans that only serve to make people all the more lonely, and they would call him crazy so no one would believe what was going on, despite all the threatening text messages, blood, and serious injuries, which have been documented by photographs and in medical reports. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 7

In a conspiracy of silence about their true loneliness, people deceive each other, and so make loneliness and isolation all the more prevalent. It is just a game to the abusers. The reason they did not want Julian to go to the doctor is the abusers did not want factual evidence to prove that something was going on with this young man. He never had mental problems in the past, but all of the sudden, he is being seriously injured and reporters and the management team are calling him crazy to ruin his credibility. He has been trying for years to escape the abuse, but still is going through it. In fact, his doctor asked him, “Are you in an abusive relationship?” and he replied “No.” Which is actually true because his spouse is not the one abusing him. Julian tries to pretend that everything is normal and nothing is happening to him, and he keeps reaching out for help, but no one has been able to stop the abuse yet. He tells himself is not lonely, self-sufficient, and does not need anyone, which makes it hard for him to understand why he is experience physical symptoms. It comes out in some way. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 7