I want to challenge you to think about and see the World in a more beneficial and flexible way. Everything seems the same, the faces, the clothes. However, it is your familiar eyes and voice that drives us to come back to these beautiful Summer days. How immensely I miss you. Always there in my heart is the gaze at me from your glittering eyes like water from two clear springs running in my heart. I was trained to take care of the needs of grown-up, insecure men. However, I trust you enough to tell you that some of these comments make me feel horrible. Yes, it is true; I instinctively blame myself for everything bad that happens to the people around me. I know that is irrational, and I feel really dumb for feeling this way, but I do. When you try to talk me into being more reasonable, I only feel even more lonely and isolated—and it confirms the feeling that nobody in the whole World will ever understand what it feels like to be me. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 8

For instance, it is my fault that your coworker is miserable. He wanted a son, but has a daughter and blames me for his disposition. So to release his anger, he sometimes pretends to be you to win the admiration a young man feels towards his father, and other times he is quite rude to me and likes to stir up bad memories because he is unhappy with his situation. Somehow, I am to blame for things that have happened in the lives of other, even though I did not know them at the time, and forget the fact that they are adults and capable of making their own decisions. I pray to God every night to bless of and forgive me for making these people’s lives so horrible by making the best out of the relationship with my family, family, and the life and circumstances God has blessed me with. I am truly sorry that I have so much to be thankful for and at the bottom of my heart am happy. I know with everyone else being so miserable and in so much pain, I should feel guilty for being happy and being alive. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 8

So, if I feel like I do not belong, it is not because I think I am out of place, it is because I see so many miserable people and I feel like I stand out because I love my life and feel good. Research has shown that our earliest caregivers do not only feed us, dress us, and comfort us when we are upset; they shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality. Our interactions with our caregivers convey what is safe and what is dangerous: whom we can count on and who will let us down; what we require to do and get out needs met. This information is embodied in the matter of our brain circuitry and forms the template of how we think of ourselves and the World around us. These inner maps are remarkably stable across time. I am sorry that I grew up in a happy household and got to know myself and did not rush into marriage because it was the thing to do. I am sorry that I remained celibate and did not spread my legs and have children to fit in. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 8

Yes, I have a sense of freedom that many of you will never experience because you are not honest with yourself and do not take accountability for your own actions. This does not mean, however, that the map of your lives cannot be modified by experience. A deep love relationship, particularly during adolescence, when the brain once again goes through a period of exponential change, truly can transform us. I felt accepted growing up, lived in a nice house, in a nice community and have loving friends. You have children and that is wonderful, the birth or a child is a great thing because often babies teach us how to love. Adults who were abused or neglected as children can still learn the beauty of intimacy and mutual trust or have a deep spiritual experience that opens them to a larger Universe. If your adult life is rerouted into terror or despair, these responses are not reasonable and therefore cannot be changed simply by reframing irrational beliefs. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 8

Our maps of the World are encoded in the emotional brain, and changing them means having to recognize that part of the central nervous system. The night sea journey is the journey into parts of ourselves that are split off, disavowed, unknown, unwanted, cast out, and exiled to the various subterranean World of consciousness…The goal of this journey in the White Squall is for our Albatross to reunite us with ourselves. Such a homecoming can be surprisingly painful, even brutal. In order to undertake it, we must first agree to exile nothing. People often discover that their assumptions are not the same as those of their friends. If they are lucky, their friends and colleagues will tell them in words, rather than in actions, that their distrust and self-hatred make collaboration difficult. However, that rarely happens. What is it that you want from me, how can I help you feel better? #RyanPhillippe 5 of 8

After Justin was assaulted by his girlfriend for no reason, he had absolutely no interest in working things out, and she lost both his friendship and her favorite tennis partner. It is important for people like Justin’s former girlfriend to be smart and courageous, and maintain her curiosity and determination in face of repeated defeats and start looking for help. Generally, the rational brain can override the emotional brain, as long as our fears do not hijack us. However, the moment we feel trapped, enraged, or rejected, we are vulnerable to activating old maps and to follow their direction. Change begins when we learn to own our emotional brains. That means learning to observe and tolerate heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation. Only after learning to bear what is going on inside can we start to befriend, rather than obliterate, the emotions that keep our maps fixed and immutable. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 8

After many years of working with adults who have experienced past traumas, I have learned that it is never really possible to wrap up the trauma work and then move on to dealing with relationships. It is more productive to determine how everything is related and then to address all aspects of the trauma’s legacy, including its effect on creating healthy intimacy. You cannot keep blaming other people for your problems and attacking them, your life will only become more depressed. You have to be honest and stop lying to yourself and realize you are the architect for your own unhappiness. You did a lot of shady things to innocent people to get where you are today, particularly to one family, and now you are being haunted by the demons you created. You know, the Devil has power and he can make your life amazing, but after he is done with you, your life will be worse than before.  #RyanPhillippe 7 of 8

Raising your awareness is the first tool you need to open your heart and tame the runway distant part of yourself. Think of awareness as a very active process of change rather than just a reminder to pay attention. Simply becoming aware—fully conscious—can radically change your capacity to give and receive love. Awareness, at the deepest level, means a willingness to change your whole life. Leave loneliness behind and discover lasting love. Some of you may want to be adored by your father, or have a grown son, but are not at that place right now, and this is why you have friends. Men can bond with other men and fulfill the type of intimate relationships that they want, but you have to be secure about who you are as a person. Become aware of the fears, anxieties, and losses that you have been trying unsuccessfully to bury. (www.thedeedle.com) #RyanPhillippe 8 of 8