All persons are doomed to be in love once in their life. Children become attached to whoever functions as their primary caregiver, and the nature of that attachment—whether it is secure or insecure—makes a huge difference over the course of a child’s life. Secure attachment develops when the caregiver includes emotional attunement (a sense of harmony or being one).  Attunement starts at the most subtle physical levels of interaction between babies and their caretakers, and it gives babies the feeling of being met and understood. When infants and young children notice that their caretaker is not fully engaged with them, they become nervous. When their caregiver disappears from sight, the youth may cry and become inconsolable, but as soon as their mother, father, or caretaker returns, the baby quiets down and resumes their play. #RyanPhillippe 1 of 8

Many people require a safe haven that promotes self-reliance and instills a sense of sympathy and helpfulness to others in distress. From the intimate give-and-take of the attachment bond, children learn that other people have feelings and thoughts that are both similar and different from theirs. And these safe havens allow people to get in sync with their environment and with people around them and develop the self-awareness, empathy, impulse control, and self-motivation that make it possible to become contributing members of the larger social culture. These qualities are painfully missing in many people today and that is why they do such heinous and destructive things. #RyanPhillippe 2 of 8

Love is the greatest thing in the World because it makes an angel or a God out of a grocery clerk. Only when in love have we blind faith in humanity; everything is perfect, everything is beautiful, and everything through, notwithstanding the terrible disappointments that usually follow. It puts us on a level with the gods and incites us to all sorts of artistic activities. People are encouraged to wonder and reflect on their own experience. Ask yourself, “What is happening right now?” The purpose of inquiry is to expand the sense of self to embrace as much authentic experience as possible, including hitherto unconscious emotions, wishes, fantasies, visions, and creative potential, so one can live a full life and open to the landscape of human expression and possibility. We become real poets; we not only memorize and quote poetry, but we often become Apollos ourselves. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 8

A secure attachment combined with the cultivation of competency builds an internal locus of control, the key factor in healthy coping throughout life. Securely attached children learn what makes them feel good; they discover what makes them (and others) feel bad, and they acquire a sense of agency: that their actions can change how they feel and how others respond. Securely attached kids learn the difference between situations they can control and situations where they require help. They learn that they can play an active role when faced with difficult situations. In contrast, children with histories of abuse and neglect learn that their terror, pleading, and crying do not register with their caregiver. Nothing they can do nor say stops the beating or brings attention and help. In effect, they are being conditioned to give up when they face challenges later in life.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 8

If parents cannot meet a child’s impulses and needs, the child learns to become the parent’s idea of what the child is. Having to discount its inner sensations, and trying to adjust to its caregiver’s needs, means the child perceives that something is wrong with the way it is. Children who lack physical attunement are vulnerable to shutting down the direct feedback from their bodies, the seat of pleasure, purpose, and direction. Most children are securely attached. When they grow up, their history of reliable, responsive caregiving will help to keep fear and anxiety at bay. Barring exposure to some overwhelming life event—trauma—that breaks down the self-regulatory system, they will maintain a fundamental state of emotional security throughout their lives.  #RyanPhillippe 5 of 8

Secure attachment also forms a template for children’s relationships. They pick up what others are feeling and early on learn to tell a game from reality, and they develop a good nose for phony situations and dangerous people. Securely attached children usually become pleasant playmates and have lots of self-affirming experiences with their peers. Having learned to be in tune with other people, they tend to notice subtle changes in voices and faces and to adjust their behavior accordingly. Instead of a separate self-struggling to survive, they learn to live within a shared understanding of the World, and are likely to become valued members of the community. Problems spontaneously lose their hold because these people have a greater awareness, openness, and clarity because that is the source of true freedom and aliveness. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 8

It takes tremendous energy to ignore or suppress the truth, whereas opening to the truth liberates this energy at its source. This upward spiral can, however, be reversed by abuse or neglect. Abused kids are often very sensitive to changes in voices and faces, but they tend to respond to them as threats rather than as cues for staying in sync. Abused children become so easily defensive or scared because they are making their way through a sea of faces, trying to figure out who might assault them. Eventually, they may spend more and time alone, reading, watching TV, playing computer games, falling even further behind on interpersonal skills and emotional self-regulation. Some learn to cover up their fear by putting up a tough front. #RyanPhillippe 7 of 8

The requirement for attachment never lessens. Most human being simply cannot tolerate being disengaged from others for any length of time. People who cannot connect through work, friendships, or family usually find others ways of bonding, as through illness, lawsuits, or family feuds. Anything is preferable to that godforsaken sense of irrelevance and alienation to some. Others might commend these people who spending reading books or watching more TV for finding other ways to be patient and peaceful until they connect with like minds. After all, the self and World construct system constitutes a way of relating to life that is familiar, apparently continuous, and stable in comparison to the instabilities of life. Sometimes being alone provides a standpoint, a seemingly secure ground from which to view and encounter the World. Without spending time along and doing things you like, people fear becoming ungrounded, disoriented, and insecure. (www.thedeedle.com) #RyanPhillippe 8 of 8