I have long been the tomb of my youth. And more has died out of me, already, than remains for the last death to finish. A part of handling denial of the inevitability of loss is seeing through attempts at manipulation. In fantasy, the mind tries to develop tactics so as to avoid the transition. This may take form of becoming a goodie goodie, or becoming more hard-working, more honest, more persevering, and increasing loyalty. In religious people this make take form in trying to manipulate God by promises and bargains. With relationships, the spouse will usually become ever more dutiful, loving, and attentive in an attempt to prevent a breakup. The inattentive husband suddenly starts bringing gifts to the house and flowers, instead of getting to the root of the problem. Blind fortune hates sharp sighted inventions.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 14

It is not what is done to us, but what is made of us. No man can be really injured but by what modifies him. When the denial breaks down, the manipulations have not worked, and the fear has been passed through, then the depression itself, the actual process of mourning and grief, takes place. All of these emotional stages can be worked through much more rapidly by the process of letting go, in which the inevitability of the emotion of grief is surrendered to and replaced by a willingness to let go of resistance and let the process pass through and complete itself. There can be a decision to let go of resisting the grief. It is the lot of sensibility to suffer, and of confiding tenderness to be deceived. Instead of denial and resistance, you plunge into it and get over it. You have a good cry, while listening to some Aaliyah music over the lost relationship.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 14

A man must live, even though his heart be broken, and living he must dine. One would think that, as since the beginning of the World almost, the tide of emigration has been setting west, the needle would point that way; whereas, it is forever pointing its fixed forefinger toward the Pole, where there are few inducements to attract a sailor, unless it be plenty of ice for mint-juleps. The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. When the parlor fire gets low, put coals on the kitchen fire. Such is man: no use in having their hearts, if ye do not have their stomachs. Lack of participation in extra-curricular activities seems to acquire meaning in loneliness, fear, hostility or frustration. We mortals, men and women, devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinnertime. #RyanPhillippe 3 of 14

Wealth or success of the father may have an adverse influence on the son through paternal absence, deprivation of companionship and counsel, overbearing demand for emulation, possible lack of interest or lack of requirement for individual success or effort in the son. In the sum, the picture that emerges from these fascinating prospective studies of early death among Harvard and Pennsylvania university students reveals that heavy cigarette smoking, nonparticipation in extracurricular sports, secretiveness, and social isolation, loneliness, and early loss of a parent are highly predictive of both suicide and premature death from coronary heart disease. *Early parental death might signify some hereditary weakness or environmental trait transferable to the child in the form of a predisposition to heart disease. And each time the heart pulses, there is a moment of uncertainty, a little death, and from that point of absolute contraction there occurs a moment of radiation, an outpouring that even extends beyond the boundaries of the physical body. #RyanPhillippe 4 of 14

If you pay attention, you can feel the rhythm of life. When one attunes oneself to this rhythm, the perception of the outer World becomes perceptible. The soul of the World gradually reveals itself. The key to regeneration lies in the moment of uncertainty that takes place eighteen times a minute, for the ever-present gap that distinguishes the rhythm of the heart from the continuous roll of the machine locates vulnerability as essential to the outpouring of the heart and to continuing creative activity within the soul of the World. We make a very large error assuming the World to be finished. The World is an ongoing creative action of soul, taking place rhythmically, in time with the musical activity of the heart that creates our bodies. #RyanPhillippe 5 of 14

Death and dying force upon us a certain honesty about life and living. Where truth is lacking in living, truth will be lacking in dying. In fact, life and death appear related: the more life the easier death; the less life the more terrible death. I do not mean these in the physical and literal sense, but rather in the human and figurative sense. In the face of finitude we find ourselves driven to deal with our work, our worth, our love, our life. What is most terrifying about dying and death us the lack of a living connectedness. Without presence, we are without hope; without contact, we are without grounding. So we find we are required to face what separates the living from the dying. We find we are required to face our own limits and our own end. For, many of us, will die. #RyanPhillippe 6 of 14

In facing death, we are finding life. And in finding life we establish a living connectedness. We come closer to one another for mutual gratification and upbuilding. Perhaps no other experience accentuates this demand as much as the inadequacy of doing and the necessity for being. To be able to do something tends to reduce uncomfortableness and to hold out hope of change. To have to be someone tends to heighten uncomfrotableness and to imply no change. This means to let be, to allow to be, to accept what is as it is. To do means to interfere, to alter, to go beyond what is to what might be. In the presence of the last dividing line, the only thing we can do is to be. God has resurrected human in the past. The Bible reports eight instance of humans—young, old, male, and female—who were brought back to life on Earth. Some had been dead for a short while, but one had been in a tomb for four days (John 11:39-44). #RyanPhillippe 7 of 14

God is eager to raise the dead again. God hates death; he views it as an enemy. God has a yearning to conquer death, to undo death by means of the resurrection. God longs to bring back those who are in his memory and to see them live on Earth again (Job 14:14, 15). God is the source of life and gave life to all living creatures and is certainly capable of restoring life to someone who has died. The courage to be is inseparably linked with the courage to be known. The existential demand upon each of us individually has its accompanying interpersonal demand. I can be courageous if I can communicate to a significant other what matters desperately to me. Communication constitutes the core of the doing of being alive. When I can say to you what I am experiencing, then we have entered into a transforming communion. Distance disappears. Loneliness lessens. Isolation is swallowed up by oneness. As I am known, so I am I. #RyanPhillippe 8 of 14

Now is the time, and here is the place. What one person says to another in the face of death counts more intensely than in any other here-and-now. The one who is anticipating the end wants to be heard, aches to be understood, longs to be in touch. There is a heightened awareness that every word matters, each moments counts, every gesture carries special weight. Not that I am dying, but I am constantly isolated and yearning to talk to someone, and sometimes I spend so much time alone, that I feel like I cannot breathe and that I am slipping into a blackhole. I may not know many of you, but walking around the castle with you all and seeing your smiling faces and beautiful eyes and also the flowers, trees, grass, and architecture gives me a sense of stability and makes me feel connected to the community and alive. #RyanPhillippe 9 of 14

For me, those walks around the castle is much like when you were a kid, and how excited you would be to watch Saturday morning cartoons, with a glass of cranberry juice and your favourite cereal.   The quality of the connectedness replaces the quantity of the connections. A sense of eternity comes with experiencing being known by another and knowing the other right here and right now. I wrote my son a letter and I want to share part of it with you all. Here it is: You give me credit for so much courage and you said you do not want me to suffer anymore. Countless times I have felt that. I have a lot courage of my own. I can never know when I should live or when I should go. Here, however, with you, I can pray for strength and courage and grace to meet whatever proves to be the experience. Without you, I do not see how I could have gotten through the past few years.  #RyanPhillippe 10 of 14

I think the worst of all was the first few days of this last time in the hospital. They seemed unendurable. It was a kaleidoscopic hell. People just kept asking for money and the vibes were uncomfortable, but I also worried for you. Without prayer, I do not see how I could have endured these days. The thing that mean so very much to me, Randolph, was your understanding of me enough to know that you could say what you did then—that it looked as though we were heading from a crisis, you hoped and prayed it might be for the better, but you realized it might be for the worse. You are the only person who seems to know me well enough to know that you could say that. The fact that we have been able to show our love and affection for each other is one of the precious things of life. #RyanPhillippe 11 of 14

You referred to our having faced the official issues of life together. I felt, too, that we have and yet you know very little was out into words. Let us learn to have the strength of confidence, the strength that will enable us to live forever in the aspiration for the better, and to return in act from the virtual World, but still we are require that aspiration. There is a release and a peace one never experienced before. Many cultural factors have served to compound the problems of children who experience the early loss of a parent. Perhaps the most serious is the disappearance of the extended family. In previous generations most individuals came from larger families which tended to remain in the same location. In the absence of a parent or if the parents were forced to work, the child usually was cared for and given ample love by grandparents or even aunts and uncles.  That is why Victorian houses were so large. A modest sized home was 4,800 square feet and three stories tall, with a basement, and many private rooms. #RyanPhillippe 12 of 14

However, in our current of significantly smaller families and high social mobility, the extended family has shrunk and, in many cases, totally disappeared. People are more interested in social media and trying to impress the community with how wealthy they are, and seem to care less about their kin. Readily available sources of love and emotional support have largely disappeared. Many children are, of necessity, raised in impersonal settings whose medial effect may not be fully apparent for decades. Every member of the human population, even pets, young, antiquated, can be seriously affected by the lack of love and human companionship. #RyanPhillippe 13 of 14

If the social deprivation in infancy is acute, the physical effects will show up quickly. There are, however, external forces that tend to check such obvious neglect and abuse. Most children are able to evoke at least minimum amounts of love and attention necessary for their survival. They are not totally shut off from parental love. Still, many children are cheated…any children are seriously shortchanged. Parents can reduce contact with their children in the short run, and nothing may be apparent; but over the long run, serious emotional and physical problems may appear, even to the point of significantly shortening the child’s life space some 30 to 40 years. Be sure that all who are enraged against you will be ashamed and disgraced; those who contend with you will become as nothing and will perish like fleeting shadows of the night to be no more than illusions. #RyanPhillippe 14 of 14