Human life is like a shadow, no sooner seemingly enjoyed than vanished. Nobody can perform the most basic human acts for another. Nobody can believe for me; nobody can be baptized for me; nobody can die for me. These—and other—fundamental personal acts can only be done by myself. There can be no proxies, no stand-ins, no substitutes. Either I respond or there is no response. Either I work or there is no work accomplished. Either I grow or there is no growth in me. Meaning for myself is my work, work which nobody else can do on my behalf. Oh God, who art the author of peace and lover in concord, in knowledge of whom standeth our eternal life, whose service is perfect freedom: Defend us thy humble citizens in all assaults of our enemies; that we, surely trusting in thy defense, may not fear the power of any adversaries, through the might of Jesus Christ our Lord. The virtue of the World is not mainly in its leaders. In the midst of the multitude which follows there is often something better than in the one that goes before. As a strong and supportive helper, or a strong and involved leader, or a distrusted and rejecting exploiter (depending upon the pattern of the dependent person), I can advance ideas, hunches, strategies, and meanings. They are all grist for the mill. However, in the end—in that decisive moment of transformation from the possible to the actual—it is the other who thinks ad knows and acts. And if the other does not, no thinking and no knowing and no acting on my part matters. 

Nothing is more common than to call our own condition the condition of life. What works for us may or may not work for others. This is especially so when we experience the pressure of the dependent person to have us do his or her work. My meaning, the way I connect this event with that event, can never finally constitute another’s meaning, the way the other connects this event with that event. Whenever you experience the lethargy of dependency in another, examine closely who is doing what work in the relationship. Whenever you find you are feeling too supportive or too directive or too exploitative, you may be certain you have taken over too large a share of the load. Even more, under such circumstances you are doing what you cannot do: namely, express the uniqueness of another’s life experience. The feeling state of apathy is associated with the belief, “I cannot.” The mind does not like to hear it, but in reality most “I cannots” are “I will not.” The reason the mind does not want to hear this is because “I cannot” is a cover-up for others feelings. These feeling can be brought to awareness by posing the hypothetical question to oneself, “Is it true that I would not rather than I cannot? If I accept that ‘I will not,’ what situations will be brought up and how do I feel about them? It must be remembered that we are free to acknowledge and surrender our feelings, and we are free not to surrender. We are free agents. However, it makes a big difference in our self-concept to realize that “I will not do something” is quite a different feeling than to think that “I am a victim and I cannot.”  

Trust a boat on the high seas to bring out the Irrational that lurks at the bottom of every thought, sentiment, sensation, or emotions. If we want, we can choose to hate somebody. We can choose to blame them. We can choose to blame our circumstances. However, being more conscious and realizing that we are freely choosing this attitude puts us in a higher state of consciousness and, therefore, closer to greater power and mastery than being the helpless victim of feeling. However, we may find ourselves provoked into reacting in certain ways because of the exaggerated intensity of the dependent responses. We feel an obligation to care about the other. We know the demand to dominate the other. We sense the pressure to exploit the other. We find ourselves trapped in a box of logical illogicalness. The dependent person narrows his or her actions in such an aggressive way that the World around is trained to take over. The biggest payoff of blame is that one gets to be the innocent victim and the other party is the bad one. We see this game played out in the media constantly, such as the endless blame games dramatized in a multitude of controversies, character assassinations, and lawsuits. In addition to the emotional payoff, blame has considerable financial benefits; therefore, it is a tempting package to be the innocent victim, as it is often financially rewarding. However, blame is the World’s greatest excuse. It enables us to remain limited and small without feeling guilty. Also, the role of victim brings with it a self-perception of weakness, vulnerability, and helplessness, which are the major components of apathy and depression.