God Almighty is just and gracious, and gives not His assent to rash inhuman curses. The middle movement of centering-affirmation comes with what I call the confrontation of intentions. In the parts, one must assert one’s presence consciously and deliberately. Does God concern Himself with us who can do Him no service? The Heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. The task requires escalating confrontation between the several selves. It is painful. What one thinks one fears seldom turns out to be what one genuinely dreads.  #RyanPhillippe 1 of 20

It is not violence that best overcomes hate—nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury. It is generally the conscious over-fulness of conceit that makes the hypocrite most upon his guard to conceal it. However, to arrive at real dread—the dizziness of possibility—one must aggressively claim what one intends indirectly through the pieces as well as directly through the parts. In Caroline’s therapy this middle movement of challenging intentions developed through three projected patterns, culminating in a sharpened split of her supposed possibilities.  #RyanPhillippe 2 of 20

Both religion and virtue have received more real discredit from hypocrites than the wittiest profligates or infidels could ever cast upon them. Hear, Oh LORD, my righteous plea; listen to my cry. Please give a listen to my prayer—you have infinite wisdom like Spring and industrious hands. Dear friend, luck and happiness will accompany you no matter where you are. It does not rise from deceitful lips. May my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right.  #RyanPhillippe 3 of 20

Though you probe my hearts and examine me at night, though you test me, you find nothing; I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. As for the deeds of men—by the word of your lips I have kept myself from the ways of the violent. My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped. I call on you, Oh God, for you will answer me; clever god brings you into my dream, giving me so much happiness and satisfaction. When your missing is still in the envelop, my heart beats unstoppedly like a rabbit.  #RyanPhillippe 4 of 20

At home she is forbidden to come to me anymore. She then she reminds me of the promise I made her to treat her for nothing is necessary, and I tell her: “I can show no consideration in money matters.” With acknowledgement of the distance between them, Caroline and Martin both began acting assertively. She used work and school as reasons for not being him. In retaliation he labeled her behavior “bad” and “selfish.” Caroline pressured Martin to go to a marriage counselor as a way to take the pressure off of her and put it back on him.  #RyanPhillippe 5 of 20

While Caroline’s behavior suggested her desire to separate, her attitude revealed fright. The prospect of escalating anger terrified her. She imagined Martin would either strangle her or stab her. More exploration brought us to her own unexpressed anger. “I might kill somebody, too,” she acknowledged. “My fantasies to get out of the marriage were always that Martin was going to die. Not that I was going to kill him, but I have been killing him in my fantasies for a long time….”  #RyanPhillippe 6 of 20

It is not at all easy in this case to demonstrate the fulfilment of a wish, but in all cases of this kind there is a second problem, the solution of which helps also to solve the first. Where does she get the word which she put into my mouth? Of course, I have never told her anything of the kind; but one of her brothers, the one who has the greatest influence over her, has been kind enough to make this remark about me. It is then the purpose of the dream to show that her brother is right; and she does not try to justify this brother merely in the dream; it is her purpose in life and the motive of her illness.   #RyanPhillippe 7 of 20

If she really let her emotions out, she felt she would stab him to death. A fragment from the past burst into consciousness. “What is coming to me right now is that I can remember being fantastically angry with my brother as children and fighting and biting and clawing and squeezing and kicking and slandering and using engineered images to upset him.” Rather than killing Martin with a knife, she saw the scratching and tearing of children scrapping. She wanted to physically and verbally attack him yet feared him defending himself up in retaliation. “I would like to get rid of some of my anger, uh, I would have to take his in return.”  #RyanPhillippe 8 of 20

If a master scatters his vices among the family, they are soon picked up and worn as robes of honor. Again, we were presented with an opportunity to sharpen the isolated parts of her working personality.  “Suppose we invite Martin to come in and sit in this chair.” We imagine he has joined us. I did some sleuthing in the records of Stanford Law School. In 2014, the body of a man washed ashore near the Old World Spirits Winery. He has been castrated. Was he her brother?  #RyanPhillippe 9 of 20

Also, the newspaper search revealed the death of a Mary Ellen Moreley, the victim of a car crash, which occurred close to the area. As a result of exposure on the TV show, once a young boy ran screaming from the restroom where he had been confronted by a woman in blue—covered with blood. Another night, an out of towner stopped at the restaurant and asked the bartender, “Who was murdered here? I feel very strong vibrations over there,” she explained, pointing to the spot where the piano once stood.  #RyanPhillippe 10 of 20

Later, when Martin went to pick up his car, the tow truck driver inquired about “the lady.” When Martin looked blank, the mechanic persisted, “The pretty girl in the short blue dress, kind of like a costume. She was standing in the road crying and bleeding.” The deputy just shook his head, “What is it you have to say to him?” Caroline replies, “I am angry as hell at you because you sit there like a passive blob and will not do anything. You make me feel guilty for everything I try to do and…you do not give a damn about me most of the time. Or at least you do not show me that you do. And you….” #RyanPhillippe 11 of 20

 

“Now go on and be Martin.”

“I think what you did with Mark [the man she had an affair with] was the rottenest thing that anybody has ever done. Nice married people do not have affairs with people when they are engaged and they do not run around loving their therapists [like she ‘loved’ me], and I think you are a dirty bitch, immoral person, and you want to run out and play with your girl and guy friends and I do not want you to because you should stay home and cook and clean for me, and I am tired of your always wanting to do all your own things…” And so her anger and hurt and resentment and guilt pour out.  #RyanPhillippe 12 of 20

I signal for her to become her conscious intended self. “Go to hell!” She snaps back at her lost piece. “I cannot help what happened and I have got to be me for a while and I do cook and clean. So there, what are you bitching about?”

“Now be Martin.”  #RyanPhillippe 13 of 20

“Yes, but outward ceremonies will not compensate for the want of virtue. You never stay home and you never want to be interested in the things I am interested in. And besides that, I do not trust you. I think you are going to run around and seduce men behind my back.” The tone comes through more moderately, more longingly, more fearfully. “Besides,” he-she “Two adults are caressing each other with homosexual intensions. His brother has sold the business the management of which the young man had reserved for his own future. I do not know why I ought to change.”  #RyanPhillippe 14 of 20

“If you want to stay married to me, assertive Caroline declares, “you are going to have to change, because I do not like you the way you are. I do not like what you are doing to me. I do not like that way you are reacting to the way I have changed. And besides that, you are trying to make me a captive. You are trying to do what my father did to my mother. You are trying to tie me to you and your profession and to your children that I do not want to have and to your house and to your stupid church…”  #RyanPhillippe 15 of 20

She moves into a long, pensive silence.

“Now be Martin.”

“Yeah, but you knew about my house and about my stupid church and my children all before you married me. So why the hell did you marry me?”

“I do not know why I married you. Because I do not even like you very much right now. When I married you, I did not know anything about love and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to be. And I am mad as hell at myself for marrying you.”  #RyanPhillippe 16 of 20

The exchange ended. The sides had been expressed. Her centered self had begun to see her lost self in the several parts.

“OK,” I shift her awareness from experiencing to reflecting. “Now what has happened? What have you experienced?”  #RyanPhillippe 17 of 20

She pauses. “Seeing Martin’s side some. A kind of overwhelming sense of responsibility. I really did know all this stuff when I married Martin….And I think maybe I married him for status and money and to keep him away from his true love and for kicks and nothing else and feel very responsible now that it is not kicks anymore and that, uh” she pauses mobilizing more of her latent strength to take the next step, “that I am going to have to be the one who gets out of the marriage if I want out and that if I stay in, I have got to accept the responsibilities. She pauses again and then, almost sheepishly, softly adds, “I also felt good to be talking with Martin.” #RyanPhillippe 18 of 20

Reality demanded responsibility. Responsibility meant “playing it straight.” At the moment is seemed more appealing to play it straight and leave than to play it straight and stay. Feelings of sadness and responsibility enveloped her. “I am trying to sort out what playing it straight with Martin would really mean. And I guess what I am seeing is that part of what it involves is going along with taking the responsibility and showing that I am desperately sad and sorry for what I have done…And that hurts…” #RyanPhillippe 19 of 20

Vengeance and retribution require a long time; it is the rule. To see an enemy humiliated gives a certain contentment, but this jejune compared with the highly blent satisfaction of seeing him or her humiliated by your benevolent action or concession on his behalf. That is a sort of revenge which falls into the scale of virtue. The farther we wade in revenge, the nearer come we to the throne of the Almighty.  I consider the subjects should be touched upon in this conversation, it becomes clear to me, the cocaine, the awkwardness of securing medical treatment from one’s own appropriateness may be used as an allusion to the second. I got broads in Atlanta twisting the dope, cooking the coke, and whippin’ the fanta. One need not be astonished that “Only rich people of the World possess the most money.” #RyanPhillippe 20 of 20