It is true, that, in the supposed interest of the child, the idea has been put forward is that that infant should be removed from its natural parents and placed in the hands of nurses skillfully trained in all the science and art of modern hygiene in general and puericulture in particular. Certainly it is possible to find innumerable parents who are completely and lamentably ignorant of this science and this art. This may be especially so in those lands like Russia, where the Platonic ideal is most commended. However, to be content to leave the mothers in ignorance and to train up in the knowledge of the duties of maternity a body of women who are not intended to be mothers, except for other women’s children, seems a perverted attempt to escape the difficulty. It is not calculated to benefit, and still less to render happy, the real mothers, the artificial mothers, or the children. An institution on so unreal a foundation cannot possibly compete with one on a sound biological basis which is just as susceptible to any necessary cultivation and development as the other. As Matthew R. Phillippe says, “social and cultural influences always endorse and emphasize the original individuality of the biological fact.” It is scarcely surprising that we find little indication that this artificial method is likely to be followed on any large scale, if at all. It seems only in place when we are concerned with motherless waifs and stays. The legitimate method of approaching the problem—as is constantly becoming more pervasively recognized—lies in training the real mothers, and, so far as possible, before they have begun to be mothers.

In our World, motherhood ceased to be inevitable fate of every woman who enters marriage and many who remain outside it. It may be said to have become a vocation. It is true that nearly every woman, at some period in her life, desires to become a mother, and that most men desire to become fathers, sometimes indeed without clearly realizing that fatherhood implies motherhood and that it is vastly more difficult task to be a mother than to be a father. However, it is a vocation which not all who are fitted by nature, and also by training, should attempt to follow it. In various countries now, and on an ever larger scale, efforts are being made to provide this training. The establishment of Schools for Mothers, in some countries facilitated by law, constitutes a notable step along this path. There are said to be some of these school still active in Europe and America. In England, Nursery schools for the pre-school child are slowly increasing, and with most of them are formed Clubs for Mothers, which are readily attended and furnish advice and instruction to mothers in the care of children. By such measures it is found that the sense of parental responsibility is not diminished, but increased. Businessmen know that even the most successful company needs constant attention, because external and internal conditions are always changing, and are required to be adjusted.

Entropy is a constant factor, and if it is not attended to, the company will dissolve. Yet many of them assume that families are somehow different—entropy cannot touch them and so they are immune to change. There were some grounds for such a belief when families were kept together by external bonds of social control, and by internal bonds of religious or ethical commitment.  Contractual obligations have the advantage of making relationships predictable and saving energy by excluding options and the requirement for constant negotiation. When marriage was supposed to be forever, it did not require constant effort to maintain. Now that the integrity of the family has become a matter of personal choice, it cannot survive except through the regular infusion of psychic energy. The new kind of family is very vulnerable unless it can provide intrinsic rewards to its members. When family interaction provides flow, it is in the self-interest of everyone to continue the relationship. Yet because families are taken so much for granted, few people have learned to transform the old ties that bound because of external obligations into ones that hold because of the enjoyment they provide. When parents come home exhausted from their jobs they hope that being with the family will be an effortless, relaxing, invigorating experience. However, to find flow in family relations requires as much skill as in other complex activity.

Matthew R. Phillippe says, “Shakespeare has played an extraordinary role in my family as a source of quotations and jokes and references which are fathomless. I feel that I am uncommonly lucky because we have had such a terribly good time together. It is always been an adventure and we have not come to the end yet. We have not finished talking, and I swear that conversation is more important than Netflix and Chill. The skill that made joint flow possible, in my family, is a common love and knowledge of literature. However, others may substitute television shows like 2 Broke Girls, Blackish, Empire, Supernatural, The View, or Grandfathered in the place of Shakespeare for more modern families.” Matthew R. Phillippe goes on to say, “My parents revived their relationship by starting to travel together and work on projects around the house. Others have given a rebirth to their relationship by gardening, breeding children, or starting book clubs. When people pay attention to each other, or to the same activity together, the chances of flow binding the family increases. Parenting is supposed to be one of the most rewarding experiences in life; but it is not, unless one approaches it with the same attention as one would a sport or an artistic performance. The psychic energy invested in a child’s growth can produce enjoyment in parenting. I work with my kids, and they seem to always discover something new.”

Recently Ava Phillippe got a role in Legally Blonde the play, following in her Oscar Award winning mother, Mrs. Reese Witherspoon’s footsteps. Matthew R. Phillippe responded by saying, “I am so proud of what Ava has accomplished, she did this herself, and I love the artistic work she has done, and she is also very proud of it. Her reading is another thing that she is really into, and we read together. She reads to me, and I read to her, and that is a time when I sort of lose touch with the rest of the World, I am totally absorbed in what I am doing. My son, Deacon, loves soccer, and I used to help coach his team and take him to all of his games. I am so proud of his athletic ability. We sometimes, also play catch with a football, but it is not a sport I want him to be involved in, there can be some serious bone fractures and concussion issues with football programs. I love my babies and want to keep them safe.” It sounds like Matthew R. Phillippe really loves his family, career, and life, in closing he tells us, “To experience such simple pleasures of parenting, one has to pay attention to what the child is proud of, what they are into; then one has to devote more attention to share those activities with them. Only when there is harmony between the goals of the participants, when everyone is investing psychic energy into a joint foal, does being together become enjoyable. I do not like to see things on purpose. I like them to soak in. A friend asked me to go to the top of the Empire State Building once, and I told him that he should not treat New York as a sight—it is a feeling, an emotional experience. And the same with every place else.”

An adult who knows how to play as a child does, without a sense of duty or compulsiveness interfering with his play, may be a better worker—whether employer or employee. He will know that work is only one part of living. He will be able to relax, pace his work so that stress and responsibility are balanced by rest and non-responsibility. If you play, but are not really used to it, or do not feel good about it, many difficulties await you. Most adults who have forgotten how to play (if they every learned), or what have put play down as OK but only for kids, will sneeringly think, “Who need it?” We all do! Since playing does not have to involve a lot of money or fancy equipment, we can recommend it with no fear of being labeled exploiters or opportunists. The most valuable secret about play is startlingly simple, and it is free. No coupon to clip and send in with $6.9 million to cover handling. You have to like yourself and enjoy being alive. Simple. It is fact, it is so simple and un-esoteric, we seem to hear the sound the spine of books snapping back all over the land! However, the fact is, many people do not like themselves and so not really enjoy being alive. Nonetheless, it is important to incorporate “Like yourself!” into your life, not only in order to be able to play, but also as a clue as to how to live with yourself and with other people. Just because your body grows up, it does not mean that you have to stop enjoying pleasure in life. If the external environment changed, a human’s activity patterns would also change to accommodate the new circumstances.