You are in my missing and the happy time has no end. The unforgettable past events are in the memory. There really is no point in going back to relive painful memories unless you can work with you to build a better present. We do not always get that message. There are still many talk shows, reality shows, books, and feature articles that shine the spotlight on someone’s suffering as though suffering is a form of entertainment. Painful experiences may have a negative impact, but most likely, they also crated some of your strengths and special gifts. Whatever philosophy and experience may pretend on such subjects, it is certain that man is disposed to be superstitious in respect to the secret influences that guide his fortunes in the dark passage of the World. There is at least this good in life of toil, that it takes the nonsense and fancy-work out of a man, and leave nothing, but what truly belongs to him. Can mortal prayers ensure immortal happiness? When you do not get everything you require, the deprivation can help you become very resourceful.  One will learn some great survival skills, and will not passively waiting for someone else to provide for you. An older friend of mine taught me about masturbation. One day in his mansion, while we were changing from wet swim trunks, he asked me if I had every stroked it before. Well, I had not because I was not allowed to touch myself. He proceeded to soap up his penis and demonstrated his technique.

When I tried it, the sensations felt good, but unlike my friend, nothing came out of my penis. He told me to keep practicing, and I did. Several years later, I had my first ejaculation.  He is still fascinated by an old dream, which he cherished for many years. He says it was the greatest unfinished wonder in the World. Where a seal can catch a fish, a man could catch a hundred; where penguins can live a whole town could live. I call you “For real” of the newsroom because you are the truth. When you are pushed into a place where you have to keep yourself alert to avoid being hurt, one will often develop excellent observation skills and survival instincts. This will allow us to see what is going on around us faster than those who grew up protected by the adults in their lives. Everything about you makes me think you are a man of physical action, rather than the man of mental affairs. You are a little under six feet tall, tightly built, with a lean muscular frame and strong fair hair turning white. Your skin, like the skin of many models, and has a luminous golden hue. When you talk to me my mind lights up with prolific ideas, mostly serious subjects. There should always be one steady head to superintend many young ones.  You always made me feel welcome and safe. Your eyes were so intent when you told me about “A Summer Night.”

There was no thought of pleasing you when she christened. The last phrase indicates that the World of higher nature, which romance approaches is also a World not of time, but no fulfillment of time, the kind of fulfillment traditionally symbolized by the perpetual spring of paradise. The wound that bleedeth inward is most inward is most dangerous, the fire kept close burnest most furious, the oven dammed up baketh soonest, sore having no vent fester inwardly. If you witnessed a lot of dysfunctional behavior, it may have helped you learn how to avoid potentially harmful situations and people. The World of shipwreck, in White Squall (one of our favorite movies) and treachery has largely spent its force before the action of the movie begins. Gill Martin knew he was doomed the moment he stepped foot on the Albatross. When Gill is forced to face his fears and climb the rope to the top of the ship, his screams and wetting his pants foreshadows the honorable haunted natural man, whom the is trying to raise to a better level of nature. This also represents the total annihilation of everything in time which is the first fact of ordinary life. If you grew up with abusive or impaired parents, it may have strengthened your determination to be healthier in your own adult life. Art and life are identical on its higher level, and guaranteeing, more clearly than any story of lost paradise, a reality in our lives that is clear of the dissolving chaos of experience.

 In this scene the interchange of reality and illusion has completed itself. We go out into the real World again, which we know now to be also an illusion because of a reality that we have glimpsed for an instant in the illusion of life. My life was filled with anxiety and worry, but I was able to cover it up, like a lot of people do, until I had an experience that caused me to hit rock bottom. If you grew up having to take care of your parents, you may have some very valuable skills as a listener, caretaker, provider, and counselor. (It is hard to find a dedicated mental health care provider who grew up in a perfect family. The word family evokes warm feelings, but for others it brings up misery or revulsion. As a child, you grew up in a large family with a lot of responsibilities. Family was a source of support and we learned to take responsibility for family gatherings at holidays and birthdays. It was then that you told me you were forced to face your anxieties, fears, dreads, and worries. The greatest discovery was made because you realized that your own strength was not enough. I experienced that discovery. I had nothing left of my own inner resources. I did not seem to have the strength, physically or emotionally to go on. Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state.

 If you felt unsafe with people as a child, you may have developed a very special relationship with nature, animals, books, art, music, sports, and so forth. Childhood suffering created many people whose self-reliance resulted in extraordinary achievements. It also created many people who are content engaging in solitary activities like reading, exploring outdoors, being an artist, or doing scientific research. Suicide is contrary to the first law of nature, self-preservation; and it shocks the natural feelings and common apprehensions of all mankind. You have many more strengths you are not aware of because of having been less fortunate than other children in how you were nurtured and raised. Keep in mind that within our vulnerabilities are the seeds of our greatest strengths. You are no longer a child; you have choices you did not have back then. I am here for you and always will me, I promise I will never leave you. No suicides permitted here, and no smoking in the parlour. Prayer is power within us to communicate with the desire beyond our thirsts. Have you seen that in the courtyard merged in the moonlight and the Spring breeze, I glean and glean in silence, all my yearning for you can neither sever my affection for you nor forget the dreams of love. I will remember forever your beautiful looks, those pillow soft lips, and sky-blue eyes, help me travel to the end of the World. You love is kind of eternity.