What vibe did you get in your secret heart?  I cannot stress enough to parents, your daughters are special, but so are yours sons, and they also require love, protection, and understanding. I tend to erase it, erase it, erase it, keep trying, erase, keep trying, erase, and finally…well, let the observer make up more than I can represent.

My life is about quality. It is all about sweeping away, putting in…struggle, struggle, struggle and poof—masterpiece! Data on many leading causes of death rates from cirrhosis of the liver, among divorced white males and the general increase in death rates from this disease among all nonmarried groups (except single white females) suggest that unmarried individuals in general consume more alcohol.

There are marked increases in death rates due to motor vehicle accidents and “accidental fires,” with widowed men and women having four- to sevenfold increases in death rates from these causes. Suicide increases fivefold in the widowed white male and fourfold in the widowed nonwhite male and the white female, while death and homicide also increased dramatically.

This doubling of cancer of the respiratory system and then tenfold rise in tuberculosis among divorced white males suggest perhaps differential patterns of cigarette smoking had influenced the results.

Ben Crawford reported: I feel like a monster (in a deep voice). I do not really know what kind of monster. My relationships always start out fine, but then I realize it is not right for me. I end up feeling bad about it, but I just have to leave once I realize that she is not the woman I have been looking for. (There was a long pause, his eyes met mine. He looked like a little boy.)

It happens to me every time I get in a relationship. I cannot seem to stay with anyone. Women end up hating me. I hurt one woman after another. I know it is not their fault. There is something wrong with me, but I do not know what to do.

Analysis: Ben had issues of trying to be a perfectionist, someone everyone loved, and wanted to be, and thought was cool. His requirements for perfection made it impossible for him to find the partner he longed for. He told me his former wife is more like his best friend, and while he had a series of failed relationships, he described himself as his worst enemy.

Ben was not happy being a single man, but at the age of forty-one, he was about to give up. Ben recalled being a young and innocent baby-faced blonde, in his late teens. He desperately wanted to fit in with the other guys name make a name for himself in the entertainment industry. However, one night he had an encounter with several older guys at a bar. He remembered being beat up and tossed around like a rag doll, everything else was a blur.

Ben was fearful of others and suffered intense shame about his experience of being rolled. After his traumatic efforts to disclose what happened, he grew increasingly silent and withdrawn. His friends and family blamed him for the assault and even doubted his story, in spite of the bruises and medical bills. At that time there was no free medical insurance, he had to use his hard earned pay check to patch himself back up.

Some even suggested that Ben had been at fault because he had been partying like everyone else at the bar, and that he was a grown man and should have known what he was getting himself into. For years, Ben has complex and painful reactions to the entire traumatic experience, including the sense of betrayal he felt when those close to him blamed him.

Let us face it, Ben is a very attractive young man, with tan skin, blonde hair, innocent blue eyes, a smile to die for and his tan body is on fleek. Many people have never seen such an attractive young man before, he was the American dream, and sources say he had the nicest butt in legs they had ever seen. Some said he looked white, but had the features of a black man, and they found that extremely attractive.

People were looking to get with him or in him or have him in them. He was so hot, he was like the head cheerleader on the Eagles, but a man. Men and women could not keep their hands off of him. They would rip his clothes off of him like he was a rock star.

As he started to get emotional, Ben told me: I genuinely preferred being in a lasting relationship, if only I knew how to achieve that state. I have sets of extreme standards for myself, as well as others. I am traumatized by self-doubt, and a critical insider voice that never allows a partner to be good enough.

I have a hard time staying with anyone and making a firm decision to stay because I am driven by self-doubt and anxiety about making a mistake. A strong sense of fear paralyses me and I rush to judgmental thinking. However, I am longing for the gifts that only intimate relationships can bring. I want a close relationship in which I could give and receive comfort. I do not care about your eyebrows and my feet might stink sometimes, but if we love each other you have to accept that!

Ben continues: Last year, at this very time, I had been a wanderer, hopelessly without companions, and then you came back into my life, with a letter in your pocket, needing my help. I was darkly and passionately thrilled by all this, and I felt those Netflixs and chills again. I found myself in a cycle of initial delight about my beloved son, only to be followed by heart crushing disappointment. He allegedly never stay single for long, craving the hopeful period of the courtship stage and money. He was out letting people rip him. I was outraged! How could this be true?!

As each promising new day deepened, I felt like I was having a heart attack, and became angry, and eventually backed into a cloud of apologetic guilt. I had turned him into a young version of myself. He was drinking heavily, doing drugs, and allegedly having sex with older men for money. It broke my heart! I wanted to end him. I did not want him gassing and dipping out of nightclubs and turning more tricks than that circus act, that Robbery Fee mistral show.

I dealt with this fear by turning to an intensely critical insider voice that found fault with my former wife and my son. Not a masculine thing to do.  Then suddenly there was an agitation in me so great that only lying alone, scrunched up on the bed crying, could comfort me.

Matthew Ryan Phillippe is really a hero. He took on the role as the first gay teenager on TV when he played the character of Billy Douglas on One Life to Live. At the time, being gay was not an easy thing to do. Matthew Shepherd was tied to a car, beaten, and then hanged on a fence. He is dead for being gay, and never did anything wrong. So to take on such a powerful role knowing the potential consequences was amazing.

Ryan probably kept others from killing themselves or being killed for being gay. Ryan is such a great actor and some of his best movies are White Squall, Chaos, Stop Loss, Straight A’s, Little Boy Blue, 54, Lincoln Lawyer, Flags of Our Father, Catch Hell, and a TV show called Secrets and Lies. This man should have earned an Oscar by now, he is one of the most talented and diverse actors in the World.  Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington are not as talented nor good looking as Ryan Phillippe.

Ryan Phillippe is now started some kind of technology corporation that matches consumers with products, and you can also play games, win cool prizes and even interact with the determined young man. We are sure his new endeavor, called Deedle (TheDeedle.com) will be a huge success. This man is gold.